Prohibitions of Intimacy Q&A

Yasir Qadhi

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Channel: Yasir Qadhi

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I said Amati kumara to law he will want to catch we begin by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala who knows what the hearts conceal and what the tongues shall not reveal the one to whom all shall appeal and in front to whom the believers kneel. Today, inshallah Tada, we're going to have a number of questions that I've been waiting to do an entire lesson on an entire q&a on. And all of these questions are of an adult nature, they deal with sexuality and intimacy. And therefore, please understand that this is going to be a sexually explicit response. And so keep this point in mind it is not suitable for youngsters. So the first question that again, all of these I'm just correlating

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for so many months, I haven't answered any of them. So the first question we're going to be doing in sha Allah Allah is the permissibility of self stimulation or masturbation. Is it permissible in Islam or is this act sinful?

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Generally speaking, the majority of scholars, the majority of meth hubs have view of masturbation as being haram or sinful, and they base this on the fact that Allah subhanho wa Taala forbids all sexual activity except with one's spouse. And Allah says in the Quran that whoever Illa Allah as YG him Omar Melaka, the man will find a way to mean if I'm unable to tell her what is adequate for hola como doon that Allah praises those who protect their private parts? Except Allah says in the Quran surah tell me no, except with their spouses or their right hand possessions, or whoever is within this confines they are there, that is permissible. Whoever goes beyond this, then they have

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transgressed. Now, Imam Shafi explicitly used this verse to say that self stimulation is therefore not allowed, because, according to him, this is going beyond the verse. This is the most explicit verse that has been used to forbid masturbation. There is nothing else in the Quran that forbids it. And there is no authentic hadith there are a number of very weak and actually fabricated a hadith about masturbation, but there's nothing explicit that is authentic about masturbation. Now, Imam Shafi did derive this from the verse But again, the verse doesn't expressly mentioned self stimulation. And it is correct to point out that this is the mainstream position of the Shafi school

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and of the Maliki school and of the majority of the Hanafi school as well. However, some of the scholars of the past, they did consider it to be mcru and others considered to be mobile. So there are three primary positions in this regard. The first is that it is actually sinful. So it would be basically within the realm of haram. The second is that it is macro and macro means that it is not sinful, but it is better not to do and this is the position that I advocate. And the third is that it is completely mobile. There is not even a discouragement it is not even something that is against nobility, it is completely permissible. So these are the three positions out there. And as for the

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position that it is MOBA, that it is completely permissible. It is one of the positions of the humbly school to humbly school has other positions as well. It is one of the position of the humbly school. It is also the position of Imam Ashoka Annie, the famous scholar of Yemen and as for the position that it is a crew that it is reported by a number of Tabby rune and one can derive this as well from the statements of some of the Sahaba as we will mention, and it is also the position of even handsome the famous color of Andalus that he said it is not sinful, but it is better not to do which translates as a crew. So a number of quotations here to understand that this is not something

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that is fringe opinion, it is something that is well known the famous humbly scholar al Badawi, he mentioned that if one resorts to masturbation out of a fear of falling into fornication, it is MOBA. In fact, it goes so far as to say that it might even be obligatory so that he avoids the the bigger sin of actual Zina of actual intercourse that is haram. And he also mentions very explicitly that the same ruling applies for a woman that a woman can also resort to this if there is a fear of falling into Zina. And there are a number of I thought of reports from the Sahaba and Tabby rune that indicate that this position was found amongst them as well. A man came to Ibn Abbas, the cousin

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of the process of a young man came to a bit Abbas and he mentioned that, you know, he's not you know, married and that he

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Basically stimulates himself until he ejaculates Ibn Abbas about the Allahu Taala and said to him, what you are doing is better than committing Zina. But if you were to marry a slave girl that is even better than what you are doing now, marriage to an ummah to a slave girl is something that is strongly discouraged. For reasons that are beyond the scope of our answer here that is generally not something that even the Quran is explicit in this regard. Even Abbas is saying that we're here to do that it is better, but what you are doing of self stimulation, it is better than Xena. And so even Abbas is basically saying it is Makoto and this is the position of many of the scholars that it's

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not encouraged. But it is not something that is going to, you know, take you to jahannam it's not something that is that is inherently sinful in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa taala. And this is the position that is reported from many of the students of even Abbas and in fact, many of them even went beyond this and said that it is completely permissible. And so if an ibis is fatwa in this regard was basically interpreted by his students. Many of them said it his Magoo. Medina said it is completely permissible. I'll talk, the famous February I'll talk was asked about masturbation, and he said, I dislike it and the Ocado and this is my crew, and I dislike it, his student asked him, Is

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there any punishment if somebody does it? And he said, I don't haven't heard of anything of that. That's not that's beyond what I'm saying here. I'm not saying there's any punishment that all of these are thought or in the Musonda of the bin Abi Shaybah there's an entire chapter in the Musonda regarding masturbation, and Mujahid. Again, the famous Dabiri and the student of women. Abbas moja had said those before us would advise young men and women to do this to save themselves from Zina. Okay, so the Tabori Mujahid, he mentions that that this is something that was known that instead of committing Zina if it's very, if the emotions with the lust is very powerful, and one feels that

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they're going to fall into haram, then they should do this. And it is both for men and women that they were told that it is better than Zina Jabba Dibnah, Zaid, one of the students have been Abbas as well, he was asked about masturbation and he said, it is your fluid, it is your fluid, you may deal with it as you please. In other words, he is saying that it is something that belongs to your fluid and if you expel it of your own, then there is no sin because you're not doing it with another person. I'm going to I'm going to do not another type of tabular data doubt, he said that I don't see any problem with this act of self stimulation. And it has an advisory the famous theory, he said

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that they would do this when they were on expeditions or eat when people did not have their spouses with them, and they're on long expeditions and journeys, then they would resort to this and this is reporting that Hala of Ibn has them and of course, even has has an entire section on this as well the famous scholar vendidos as I mentioned, and he mentioned even has mentioned that it is allowed to touch one's organ even with the left hand it is allowed to touch one's organ and even has him said if it is allowed to touch then there is no prohibition in touching more than just a touch and so, he goes one touch and the other touch is not going to be haram if it is allowed to touch until

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one climaxes then even has him says it is not sinful. However, even has some ads that he does not encourage it, because he said it is not from the noble manners lace him in Makati mill o'clock it is not from the noble manners. And so from all of this deposition that I think seems to be the reasonable one based upon the evidence is of the Quran and Sunnah. And the plethora of evidences from the tab urine and even from him it had been Ambassador the other one, and from the realities that we live in because again, dear brothers and sisters, we need to again be very practical fic is not just quoting and pasting fatawa from earlier authorities, Phil also means one looks at the

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context of one's

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environment and the levels of sexual openness, frankly, depravity, even the the hedonism and the the the reality of the licentiousness, that the current civilizations that we live in, are demonstrating it is almost impossible for a young man and woman to remain firm The desires are overpowering at that age. And for us to forbid this act, which is definitely a gray area and to cut off any avenue to express one's desires before the a bit before the possibility of marriage. I think that that is putting a very difficult burden on our young men and women. And no doubt and again, I say this very frankly no doubt that this is not the norm no doubt. self stimulation is not natural, despite what

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psychologists might say it is not the norm. And that is why the default is the default is that there is a sense of shame and a sense of regret. When somebody does this, even if you're not a Muslim. You know there are there are movements out there that are

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are discouraging from self stimulation because they say, and these are non Muslims, they're not calling any Sharia. They say that it is not something that is natural that one should find this pleasure with one's partner, they say partner we say with one spouse, and I cannot agree with them more in this regard that Allah subhanaw taala created this pleasure and it is a beautiful pleasure is one of the strongest pleasures that Allah has given us. Allah created it in us, you know, they say nature put it in so Allah put it in us why so that we find love in marriage so that when we are married, that the one act that the married couple does that? No, they cannot, no one else can do

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this, right? You can speak with a lot of people, you can find comfort and a lot of people emotional comfort. But the one thing that is exclusive to a long term marriage and relationship is this act of intimacy. And Allah subhanho wa Taala has put an immense amount of pleasure and joy. And it is meant to be enjoyed and shared with the person that you're sharing your life with. And these types of pleasures, they bring about a love, and they bring about a tenderness that is intended and desired. Now, if a person is not married, and if a person is unable to get married, which is very common in our times, the you know, teenagers and the young men and women in their 20s and whatnot, they cannot

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get married, and it is the prime of their sexuality, and everybody around them is engaging in blatant haram. I think that in this case, there should be no problem whatsoever in us telling them that it is permissible, but with a number of conditions. And of those conditions is that we understand that this is not the default or the norm, we understand that it is something that is temporary, we understand as well, that we are eagerly looking to get married and making dua to Allah subhanaw taala to help us to get married. And we also understand that even if the act is permissible, and I do believe that there's no sin in doing it, that the default is that it is mcru

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and Makoto means it's better not to do so the default is that as as a bit hazardous as lace hem and macadam o'clock is not from the nobility of deeds. But just because it's not noble doesn't mean it is haram. Right? So that's the point we have to mention here that things might not be No, no, but that doesn't mean it is haram. So there is no sin at all, in this act. Even if you do it frequently or constantly in and of itself, there is no sin, but it is not natural or normal, and one should not resort to it unless one needs to in order to stave off in order to protect oneself from the larger sin of Xena. And we have to make a very clear unconditional point over here that without any

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exception, we cannot allow this to lead to visual stimulation or the viewing of pornography because that is something that is without a doubt not allowed and it is something that is considered to be the Zener of the eyes. May Allah azza wa jal protect all of us. So the point being that, unfortunately, this deed in this act, it is linked to visual haram and that visual haram, it needs to be very clearly pointed out that even if one is forced, because of circumstance to relieve oneself in this manner, it should not be done with visual aids. And to look upon these types of images or

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websites or whatnot is something that there is no doubt that it is it is harmful to the soul and harmful to the psyche, and no doubt that there is a long term damage that is done. And by the way, it's not just the sin of looking, it is also the problem of one's own level of sexuality being impacted. And when it becomes problematic to even have maybe a normal marital relations with one spouse if one becomes addicted to such videos and this is well known and many books have been written actually some good TED talks as well in this regard, the problems of pornography, we are just realizing now what is going on because again, this is the first generation since human history

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really that such explicit images have been bombarded upon them since they were born you know until adulthood and we are seeing the deterioration of the family and the breakdown of intimacy between couples. So I say that it should not just be said that masturbation is halal, no, there should not be said rather what we should say is that the default is that it is mcru but it might become completely MOBA and maybe even recommended to protect oneself from Zina. No doubt about that. Excellent. Okay. Now the problem comes twofold. Number one, the linkage of masturbation with with visual stimulus we need to make sure that that is understood that we should separate the two and

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then number two worse than this, in my opinion really is and unfortunately because you know because I'm a community leader and because we I get email all the time and I am contacted by people for their most personal problems and unfortunately, it is all too common, all too common to for me to hear this complaint

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Especially from our sisters, I have gotten more emails than I can count. Unfortunately, over the last many, many years, I'm not talking about just in a short period of time, I have gotten more emails than I can count to remember where a wife basically is not satisfied. Her husband does not approach her, her husband has abandoned her and her husband is resorting to outdo biller masturbation and pornography. And the wife doesn't know this, that she's wondering what's wrong, why is he not approaching me and I'm dressing up, I'm looking pretty, I'm trying to do everything. And he's not even coming close, not even touching me, she begins to doubt you begins to wonder what's

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going on? Then she discovers because generally, obviously, the man does not say that she discovers that, in fact, her husband is, you know, having an outlet. That is, and this is the problem of pornography, that in pornography, what you see is not real, the bar of stimulation is raised so high, that an average beautiful lady no longer looks beautiful to you, and you want to have something that is unreal. And this is the problem really that we have to be very clear that brothers and sisters when I say that it is permissible, what I mean is before marriage, or in a situation where you're away from your spouse or something of this nature, no problem I can understand. But

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once a marriage takes place, and everything is normal between the couple, then there is no question that the couple needs to concentrate on each other. And the couple needs to resolve their own issues. So that insha Allah to Allah, they are satisfying each other and they're not resorting to anything outside of their own internal bonds. And that inshallah Tada explains in a nutshell, now, for those that say It is haram, and sinful, even for those that said it is sinful, do realize that, according to them, this would not be a major sinner Kabira, this would be something that is of the minor sins, I'm not trying to trivialize according to their eyes, but it is not something that would

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be considered one of the cover or one of the major sins, it is something that should be avoided, according to them. And actually, like I said, there is really nothing and by the way, ask for the verse. Whoever goes beyond this,

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the manga for us, again, with our utmost respect to all of those who use the verse, I mean by unanimous consensus, one can play with one's spouse, and doesn't have to actually engage in intercourse and so the wife can play with their husband, and the wife can stimulate her husband, and the husband can stimulate his wife without actual penetration. And this is by unanimous consensus allowed and in fact, some of our scholars have pointed out those that allowed masturbation, they said that, why would it be allowed for the spouse to do it with her hand, and it's not allowed for you to do it with your hand? And that's a valid point, to be honest, it's from a logical perspective

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that why would that be forbidden? Now again, I say that the default is one finds pleasure with one spouse, but there's nothing wrong per se, there is no sin. And yes, it is not of the noble acts and Allah subhanho wa Taala knows best.

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The next question we have is that a number of people have asked that what is haram to do when engaged with intimacy, what are the acts that we should be aware of that are not allowed to do? So again, this is a very sexually explicit question. And so again, you know, be advised that this is not a talk that is meant for young children. So the question therefore, is what is haram between couples to do? With regards to what is forbidden to the Shetty if two things are expressly forbidden, two things are forbidden directly in the text of the Quran and Sunnah. And the first of these is anal intercourse. This is something that is absolutely forbidden without a doubt, according

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to the Hadith, and we can infer it from the Quran. It is not explicit, but it has been derived from the Quran. And the ask for the Quran. Implicitly, Allah says in the Quran Nissa oakum, how to learn to have a nurture to your women or your wives are like a cultivation or like a field unto you and therefore approach your wives however you wish to approach them. Now, the fact that Allah mentions a cultivation our scholars have derived in fact, even the tabby rune have derived that the meaning therefore is that the cultivation occurs obviously, from the vagina doesn't occur from the other organ and therefore there is an indirect disapproval of anal intercourse. As for the ahaadeeth,

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there are numerous a hadith reported by over seven Sahaba with over you know, 10 different chains regarding this concept of forbidding a no intercourse and in fact, this verse that I just quoted you, according to a number of authentic hadith, it was revealed, because somebody asked the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam about a certain issue of sex and sexuality. And this verse came down to respond to that. And there are a number of a hadith that forbid anal intercourse of them is the Hadith and a Buddha would say that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Oh,

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Whoever comes to his wife while she is menstruating, that's the second provision we'll talk about that or from her back meaning from her anus from her back, has disbelieved in what has been revealed to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and in the other Hadith and Sunnah Anissa II, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that Allah will not look at a man who approaches his wife from her back, Allah will not look at him, meaning Allah is angry at him, Allah is displeased at him, and in Sudanese Sati, as well. A man came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said, O Messenger of Allah, may I engage with intercourse from behind? Okay. That's the way that he

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phrased the question that from behind, so the Prophet system said, it is permissible, then the man stood up to go back then he called him back and he said, Wait, what did you mean when you say from behind? Did you mean you're going to turn her around meaning that like Yanni, basically that her back is facing you, but from her front or vagina? Or did you mean from her anus he literally asked the Prophet system literally asked this that Which of her Which of her orifices whichever openings? Did you reference? Did you mean that from her vagina, but with her back facing you, meaning of course, the perceptual position that is different? Or did you mean from her, devalue it from her

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Dubard meaning from her anus, then the prophets Assam said in Allahu Allah yesterday, Minal Hawk, Allah is not embarrassed to speaking the truth. Do not approach women from their anus says this is an explicit Hadith and Sunnah and they say, and we mentioned here the verses while do not approach women, sorry that Allah says in the Quran, that Allah is not embarrassed of the truth. And and there are a number of also narrations in this regard, that Ramadan, Cataldo, the Allah Tada and he came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said, O Messenger of Allah, you know, I have done something that will destroy me, I have done something that is going to destroy me. And the President

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said, What is this What have you done? So he said last night, I engaged with intercourse with my wife, but I turned her around, I turned around meaning that again, the the sexual position was that she was on her stomach, but he engaged in vaginal intercourse. And the Profit System allowed Omar that this is not a sin to do. In other words, sexual positions is something that is allowed whichever position you want, but it is vaginal intercourse. So the first thing that is completely forbidden is anal intercourse. There's no question about that. The second that is completely forbidden as well. But to a lesser degree, but it is still hot on both of them out on but there's

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degrees of haram and the the second thing that is haram or sinful is to engage in intercourse during the period of the menses, that during that timeframe, vaginal intercourse is not allowed vaginal intercourse is not allowed. I shall have the Allahu Allah Anna.

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US sorry the economy began with Quran the Quran says with a bucket of verse 20 222. The Quran says ways Aluna kandalama healed they asked you about the menses on who are then say it is something that is an irritation. So far it is UniSA filma he'll be wala tell Cora boo had Yato horn for either Tata horn, to whom and how to American Allah. So avoid approaching women during the time of their menses and do not come close to them until they purified themselves right while at UCLA whoo hoo Natalia torna fader Tata Haruna once they have done the hustle, then you may approach them from where Allah subhanho wa Taala has allowed you have been abovesaid from where Allah has allowed you meaning the

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vagina, not the anus. So again, this verse has also been used to indirectly forbid anal intercourse. But the Quran is very explicit about having intercourse during the menses, and that is why there is unanimous consensus amongst all the scholars of Islam without exception that engaging in intercourse during the menses is a sinful act. And then the scholars differ, do you have to give a thorough how much thorough explanation of money monitor and whatnot, that's a secondary issue, and it is definitely good to give charity if that happens and repent to Allah subhanho wa Taala and not do it again, it is something that should be avoided. And it should have the Allahu anha reports that once

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one Hermens is began, she was lying next to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she became embarrassed. This was even early in the marriage. And so she left the bed and she wanted to sleep somewhere else. The Prophet system said What is the matter? So she explained that she had begun her menses. So the Prophet system said don't worry, put on another garment and then come next to me. And of course, the meaning here is that once the menses have begun, of course, the lady does not become Niger's, which is something that some other faith traditions they believe to this day, there are some faith traditions, including Orthodox Judaism as well that will

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The ladies in her men says that her persona, her body should not be touched anything she touches as well. It is becomes impure. And in our Shediac that is not the case. And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam advised our issue that don't worry about this, just protect the blood, we don't want the blood to come, you know, and in those they did, they didn't have the type of menstrual pads that we do now. And so he advised her to put another garment and then come back into bed. And in another In another Hadith, inside Buhari, a man came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he asked that almost interval law, you know what is permissible? For me and my wife when she's in

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her menses, he literally asked the question what is halal and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, that you may do everything other than intercourse is not Aquila che in inland Nica, Everything is permissible kissing and fondling and stimulation with the hands and with the other body parts, all of this is permissible. And anything that the two wants to do, they want to play around between themselves with it is permissible, except for the actual vaginal intercourse. So the actual penetration is not allowed anything other than this, it is allowed. Now some of the early scholars, they said that the man should avoid touching the woman's thighs or any area, even the

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groin area. And the reason for this, of course, is that they wanted the blood to not be touched in our times, because there are menstrual pads and because it can be meant that the area can be maintained in a better manner. The main point is that the man should avoid that blood. And if it does come on, then afterwards it can be washed out, but there should not be an intentional wanting to obviously touch that area. Sorry that to touch the blood, because obviously that blood is not just and we don't willingly, you know, putting it just onto our bodies. Obviously if it happens, it happens and you just wash yourself it's not so realize that touching Niger Assad is something that

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is discouraged. But in and of itself. If you have to do it, you have to do and you change the diaper when or even when you cleanse yourself. I mean you're touching nudges right? But you don't want to do that. And if it does happen, then you wash yourself off as soon as possible. So the correct opinion therefore insha Allah Allah and this is the majority opinion is that everything is permissible during the menstrual cycle other than actual vaginal intercourse. Now, what else is forbidden? So in reality, nothing else is forbidden unless there's going to be a psychological harm or unless another ruling of the shady app is going to be is going to be contravened. And in our next

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question, I'll answer in more detail the one aspect of oral intercourse I'll answer that in another video you can see that Insha Allah, Allah and the next one, but I want to point out one thing that realize that sexual habits and sexual mores they vary from time to place to society to culture, and just because and I need you to pay attention is just because a certain society disdains a certain sexual practice does not make that practice haram understand this point in, in human history, every society has developed, you know, its own mores and its own habits and its own mechanisms, if you like, of what is you know, stimulating and whatnot within the bedroom. And the Sharia has not come

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to dictate cultures, you may not like it and that is your prerogative, understand you have a right to within your bedroom to not do something that you think is, you know, inappropriate or whatnot. But don't bring religion into it and say it is haram just because your culture does not like it. And the best example for this actually, is that we have an authentic narration that demonstrates for us that between Makkah and Medina there were sexual variations and the Sharia adopted a neutral stance that whatever you want to do is permissible the Shetty I came and did not prefer one over the other instead of however you want to do it that's between the two of you. And the the example here have

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been our bass narrates that the unsought of Medina used to live with the Jewish people and the unsought adopted the sexual habits of the Jews. And in Judaism to this day, Orthodox Judaism to this day, Orthodox Judaism, no position is allowed other than the woman is on her back, which is called the missionary position, no position is allowed. You cannot have any other position the woman has to be on her back, and there must be a sheet over the couple. And they have a lot of laws in this in this regard. So the Ansara living with the Jews, they adopted that culture because they viewed the Jews as being you know, a superior to them that they had, they had knowledge of the book and the

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Quraysh even Abbas said, they had no such qualms and they would have intercourse from every position that hadith actually says even Abbas says that extra 100 Anissa Shanahan, they would, you know, flip their women around whichever position they wanted to, right. So they would have in every position they

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One to two, they would engage in intercourse, whether it was on their backs or whether it was turned around or whether it's on their sides. This is in the hadith of Ibn Abbas. Right. So a muhajir man from Makkah, married and in Saudi lady from Medina. And he attempted to engage in intercourse with her the way that he was accustomed to, according to the Hadith or the stimulant bus, and the lady refused. And the lady said, No, we can only have intercourse on our backs, right? That's what we are accustomed to. And the news spread amongst the people that there's a major marital dispute, you know, the talk is getting knocked out because there's a marital problem happening, and they're

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wondering, well, who is right and wrong? And the news approach the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and so Allah azza wa jal revealed in the Quran, the famous verse that I just mentioned to you that Nyssa oakum how to convert to how to come and shoot to your women are like a field unto you. So approach your women however you please this is the Quran however you please Allah is not dictating there is a position that is haram haram. No, however, the two of you want to do this. And this means that in essence, the man from Makkah, basically was allowed to do whatever he wanted to do. And the Hadith of the Prophet system was also very clear that you may approach your women you

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know, while they're on their backs, or while they're turned around, as long as you approach it from the vagina from the vaginal orifice. So one has to only take into account that anal intercourse is not allowed. As for sexual positions, whatever the couple wants to do, that is something that is permissible to them. Now, there's been a lot of questions I've gotten about obviously, one of the things at a time where again, let's be honest here, brothers and sisters, the the fetishes that are now prevalent, you know, I'm getting all of these different questions. And somehow I don't want to go into detail here, believe it or not, there should be some what not in this regard, I'm just gonna

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say generically, that look, whatever is happening in the privacy of the bedroom and it is not beyond the two things that are held on which is anal intercourse and the annual intercourse literally means literally means that the penetration that is what is haram, or the intercourse during menses, anything other than this, if one wishes to engage with one spouse, whether it's role playing or using toys, or anything of this nature, one could find like one person can say, I don't like it, I don't find that noble and you know what, I sympathize with you 110%. Okay, that's but that's you and me are that some people to say that it is sinful is different than to say that it is not noble, and

00:32:34--> 00:33:11

I need us to understand this and differentiate it. Look, I'll be the first to say that there is a problem of over sexualization in the world that we live in. And because of this, it is affecting our marriages, and it is affecting our bedrooms as well. And it is affecting our social, sorry, our sexual fetishes as well. If we were living in a pure environment where it all of this, you know, was not around us, we would not be asking such questions. That is the truth. Still, what can we do? It's not our fault. We're born in the time and place we're born into, it's not our fault. We're aware of all this going on. It's not our fault at some level that we're exposed to what we are exposed to. So

00:33:11--> 00:33:33

yes, we are being affected. Yes, society around us is impacting us. So we have to differentiate purity and nobility from haram and halal, something might be ignoble, something might not be noble, it doesn't necessarily make it sinful, in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa taala. And therefore, I say that all of these, you know,

00:33:35--> 00:34:13

personal, you know, things that a person might find pleasure in within a marriage. As long as no Haram is being crossed you you're not doing Zina with somebody you're not allowed to, you're not watching something you should not watch and you are not doing the two things that we said are haram, it is best to be quiet. And the couple can decide you know what they want to do in this regard and it is up to them and there is no sin when it is in the privacy of one's bedroom. However, I will make an exception for one thing and I will say that that should be made haram and that is the videotaping even if it is done between the spouses. Why? Because very simple, technically,

00:34:13--> 00:34:17

theoretically, completely utopic theory complete idealism.

00:34:18--> 00:34:59

If the couple were to videotape, and they themselves only watch it, perhaps one could make an argument that it is permissible for them to do but let us now be real. Let us now get to the actual reality, the lived reality that these types of videos, Allah knows who is going to put their hands on it. It's very common for leakages to occur. It's very common for somebody else to see it. And another point which is very important, you know, a marriage doesn't necessarily last forever, right? What if a divorce were to take place? How much are we seeing in the Western world and even amongst Muslim couples as well of people getting so angry that they are able to build or release images that

00:34:59--> 00:35:00

should not

00:35:00--> 00:35:47

had been taken in the first place. So, in that case, I will say blanket wise that no do not commit to imagery, do not make videos or pictures or whatnot of that, which is inappropriate, because the reality is the potential harms are far, far greater than the, the potential, you know, things that might be perusal. And, again, if not, I have been asked this multiple times as well, if the couple is separated by physical distance, you know, and, you know, they need to have that stimulation that's visual, can they engage in live phone calls that are just between the two of them, and if it is something that is not recorded, and it is on a safe, you know, direct line or whatnot, I can

00:35:47--> 00:36:26

understand that that will bring some, some release in some, some tension is going to be left out, perhaps in that case, but to record it really, this is highly problematic because you do not know what's going to happen to that video in the future. So definitely, I would say that that should be not done other than that, inshallah Huhtala Everything is permissible between the two as long as there's no long term damage or nothing that is actual haram, that would be considered a sin to do we will just be quiet about that and be and cover up, you know, what Allah azza wa jal has has covered up but it is between the two. Now, by the way, before I finished this one thing also needs to be

00:36:26--> 00:36:28

said that to be very clear,

00:36:30--> 00:37:06

this needs to be done by mutual consultation meaning that the husband cannot force his wife to go above and beyond something that is the natural intercourse and vice versa as well. So, what Allah has mandated that each couple needs to do for the other is the basic intercourse right that is something that is there. Now, if a particular partner has a bizarre you know, fetish or kink or something of this nature, and the other partner does not, it is not fair to force the other partner, the other partner will say, No, we will have the natural way, you know, intercourse that Allah has has allowed that what everybody does, and I don't want to do this particular thing that's degrading

00:37:06--> 00:37:40

to me or what not, that's her right or his right to say that it is degrading. If it is, I mean, something that is beyond normal, obviously, right? We're not talking about normal intercourse, that is what Allah has made mandatory really between couples, they need to take care of each other in a manner that is halal. So as long as it is done by mutual agreement, and know how long line is crossed, and those two things are not done, we will be quiet and let it go. As long as there's no as we said photography or you know, a video is done because that's the problem. And and Allah subhanho wa Taala knows best.

00:37:42--> 00:37:58

The next question that we have and again, I've been asked this so many times and this is once again a sexually explicit question. So please, this is not something that is meant for a younger audience, the permissibility of oral intercourse, what does this *ty I say about oral intercourse?

00:37:59--> 00:38:43

Now, again, the the issue of oral intercourse and again, if you are watching only this one video, I've given another video about what is forbidden in intimacy. So you can watch that video as well. And then watch this in conjunction with that one. oral intercourse does come under the the gray area that the Sharia is not explicit about between the husband and wife. And we actually do not have a lot of quotations about oral intercourse. The reason being, that all intercourse, generally speaking, was a sexual habit that was frowned upon in most Eastern cultures. It is something that is not, you know, embraced it is more of a Western notion. And this is actually historically true. I'm

00:38:43--> 00:39:10

not just inventing this, even the ancient Indian book of the Kama Sutra, if you actually look it up, it actually mentions this act as not being between husband and wife really, it's mentioned amongst other segments of sexuality. And the pre Islamic Arabs actually also knew of this act, and they considered it to be vulgar and crude, not something that is done by noble people. And this is mentioned this is indicated when

00:39:11--> 00:40:00

the famous incident in the Battle of sorry in the Treaty of who they be here, when one of the negotiators basically insulted the Sahaba by saying that they're going to abandon the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Abu Bakr Siddiq became so angry, that shy that modest that humble the pure person, he became so angry and enraged that he lost his temper, and he uttered a profanity, and this is so atypical of obika so that Rhodiola one, but in his love for the Prophet sallallahu it was seldom when that man came and dared suggest that Abu Bakr is going to abandon the Prophet Assam and the Sahaba are going to abandon the process and his, you know, his emotions went from zero to 1000

00:40:00--> 00:40:47

In one second, and he wanted to utter the worst vulgarity that they could they could ever utter to get his point across to this man. And he said something that translates as and again, it is explicit. So be you know, this video is not meant for the, the, you know, except for an adult audience. He literally said, Go suck on the clitoris of a lot. This is literally what will work in a studio set. Okay, also Beauval alat alat was their female goddess, okay, now this is a very interesting curse. It's a very interesting curse. It actually demonstrates that oral intercourse was known to them, and it was an insult and it was the highest insult and it was an insult for a man to

00:40:47--> 00:41:31

do this because they considered it to be demeaning and vulgar. So it's very clear that you know, Eastern cultures generally and yes out of cultures over even pre Islam and throughout you know, most of Islamic history that they viewed this act as not being noble, but as I explained in my other video about the ad, what is haram in in sexual actions and what not, nobility does not translate into haram and halal, something can be ignoble and it doesn't make it haram something can be against the purity of the fitrah and it doesn't make it haram you can say it is mcru and therefore haram and halal is not based primarily upon nobility, it is based upon what Allah and His Messenger have said,

00:41:32--> 00:42:17

and therefore, because of this, I understand that so by the way, you're not going to find classical discussions in the books of film about oral intercourse, you will find about masturbation, you will find about Aino you will find about so many other things that were known, but you will not find a detailed discussion about oral intercourse because it was not something that was common at all. Now, you will find very very few references very few references to it. And of those references is some scholars did allow it. The famous humbly scholar I will call the AVI that he said that a man may kiss the vagina of his wife before intercourse without Cara and after intercourse. It is mcru And he

00:42:17--> 00:43:00

said the same applies for a woman that she may kiss demand organ with passion. He actually said this that with passion she may enjoy in the man's Oregon. And he also said this deposition of the Tabori and in the famous al fatawa and Hindi of Hanafi fiqh, the famous fatawa Hindi that was compiled, I believe, under the Adam Gill, the timeframe, not 100%, so don't quote me on that. But in the fatawa India, it says that if a man inserts his Bible without Hindi is not that old, it's only like 200,000 years old. So it's not one of the ancient books, but it is a relatively more modern one. It says that if a man inserts his penis into his wife's mouth, some have said this is my crew, and somehow

00:43:00--> 00:43:42

said that it is not mcru so we have that reference there. And I'll put it to be the famous and the Lucien scholar. He mentioned in his seal that Aliceville al Maliki the famous earlier Maliki scholar. He says that he quotes from above which is one of the classical scholars of the Maliki method, that it is allowed for the man this is explicit brothers and sisters, it is allowed for the man to lick his wife's organ yell has a hillbilly sign, it literally says to lick so we have some very few references that some of our scholars considered it to be permissible. At the same time, a lot of modern scholars considered it to be impermissible and I can quote you like five or 10 that

00:43:43--> 00:44:23

and this is generally modern fatawa. As I said in earlier books, it's not really discussed, and they bring a number of a number of evidences for this right. So the first evidence that they bring that it is impermissible is the whole genre of verses that already quoted in a hadith that approach women, you know, they are your cultivation approach them from their health from their field, and they say that the mouth is not an orifice of cultivation. So Allah azza wa jal just approach them from as if there feels as if their cultivation. Now this is a very weak evidence because by unanimous consensus, it is allowed for a man and a woman to play together with each other's hands

00:44:23--> 00:45:00

until ejaculation is achieved. And a man may ejaculate onto the body of his wife, and nobody will say it is haram, and he will do it intentionally. It does not contradict the verse, so it's a very weak way to refute this. Another thing that they say that those who make it haram, they say that the mouth is a noble organ, and the mouth does dhikr and the mouth recites the Quran, and so we should not put we should not put our private parts in it. And to respond to this one can say that, that might be a valid point that it is a noble origin, but it doesn't make it sinful. It doesn't make it how long you can say that it is discouraged. You can say that

00:45:00--> 00:45:36

You know, it's not befitting but to say it is haram is to bring Allah sin and Allah's maybe wrath or Allah's curse or or you know, not necessarily wrath and curse but you're saying that it is potentially punishable and the evidence or the notion that the mouth is noble and vicar is done well, okay. Riba and the Mima is a worst sin then, you know, kissing the organ of your spouse, for example, and it is done by the mouth. So what are you going to do? Somebody does Reba we tell him you don't read the Quran. If somebody slanders does boy done, we're going to tell them don't do dhikr of ALLAH SubhanA wa taala. So, the two are separate things and you cannot bring the notion of

00:45:36--> 00:46:16

Hareem just because you said that the mouth is a noble Oregon, the max that can be said is that it is not a noble act, I can I can understand this. But as I said, to say something is not noble does not make it sinful, in the eyes of Allah subhana wa Tada. Now, I think one of the strongest ways to actually say that it is mcru or maybe more than mcru is to bring up the issue of an adjuster. And to say that, potentially an adjuster is going to be put into one's mouth. And to respond to this one could say that the majority of the methods, actually three of the methods say that Seaman is not an adjuster. Okay, so three of the methods actually say that it is not nudged. And then one can also

00:46:16--> 00:46:52

respond that by unanimous consensus, a small amount of an adjuster is overlooked, because you cannot, you know, protect yourself now what constitutes small that is going to be another controversy. And still, I would say that this argument of no Jassa you know, as we said, it is best to avoid an adjuster but in and of itself, touching something that just are, you know, of that nature, it's not something that is going to incur Allah sin. And if it is done for a reason, it is permissible by unanimous consensus, as I explained in the previous question, that, you know, a person changes the diaper of their child, and that might be not just or you cleanse yourself, and

00:46:52--> 00:47:35

that is not just so you wash it off afterwards, and it might not be noble, it might not be something that is, you know, dignified, but something that is undignified does not become necessarily sinful, in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa taala. And therefore, what I would conclude is that oral intimacy is something that one cannot say, is sinful in the eyes of Allah. But at the same time, one should understand, frankly, that this is a habit that we are picking up because of the prevalence of it in the cultures that we live in. Not that there's anything wrong with every single habit, but this particular habit, it was not something that was common or the norm in the majority of cultures and

00:47:35--> 00:47:55

especially in Muslim lands and cultures. And that is why one does not find a discussion of this in the classical books, you find just as quick reference here and there. And generally speaking, we do find permissibility in some of the previous Rudaba. And I want to quote you, fatwah from one of the scholars who gave this

00:47:56--> 00:48:39

with regards to oral intercourse, he said, that in conclusion, it has now become clear that oral intercourse is not prohibited. But it is not the normal choice for committed Muslims and Muslims. Despite the fact that all sex is not haram. It is completely disgusting and does not conform to the pure taste and the decency of a Muslims personality and quote, I am sympathetic to this. So it is not how long you're not going to be sinful. But at the same time, let's try to cultivate higher and try to do that which is the best another fatwa from modern Hunter Fisher mufti, Abraham Desai, he writes that it is mcru because the mouth is not an oracle of ages. And because the mouth is used for

00:48:39--> 00:49:21

reciting the Quran, and for doing vicar end quote, so mcru I agree with this fatwa, that oral intercourse is not haram, but it should be mcru. And if the couple feels that they must engage in this, they really should make sure that no jossa is avoided, and nothing of that nature is ingested. And of course, the pre med D or the pre seminal fluid is Niger. So keep that point in mind. And if it is done, then it should, it should not be something that and again, I mean, the problem comes Dear brothers and sisters, that people have been raised in a society where certain acts have been absorbed by them, they want to do these things. And if they are told that it is not allowed, you

00:49:21--> 00:50:00

know, within a marriage, it might actually cause problems for many of them. Sometimes, people convert to Islam and they are totally accustomed to a certain lifestyle. So we cannot give a blanket fatwa to every single couple. The default as I have said, in this deposition I'm advocating is that it is not haram. It is not sinful, but I'm not giving the green light, it is mcru and one should strive to one's best to attain a more noble or more purified level, but if one does it, one will not be punished by Allah subhanho wa taala. And by the way, interestingly, just interestingly, Jewish rabbis as well many of them they also forbid this

00:50:00--> 00:50:11

And they say that it is not something entirely the Orthodox strand. And also before I conclude the center, this, this, this question, I want to again be very clear here, that

00:50:12--> 00:51:02

this is something that is above and beyond normal intercourse. So, if a woman feels that she does not want to engage in this, the husband cannot force her, because she is required by Islamic law to be accessible for regular intercourse, if there's no, you know, other impediments, she is required by our Shediac, to allow him to have intercourse with her, she is not required by our Sharia, to satisfy every fetish or every desire of his that is beyond that, which is mainstream and normal. And so, if she finds this issue problematic, she should speak with him and she should not be forced That having been said, the flip side as well, that if the husband, you know, it might cause problems as

00:51:02--> 00:51:38

well. So, the track they should try to find some type of, you know, middle ground or whatnot in this regard, because again, we want couples to find marital happiness within themselves, we want them to find sexual happiness within marriage and from each other. And so, these things need to be discussed within the marriage and couples need to negotiate what what can and cannot be done within the confines of their bedroom. But from a purely technical perspective, she should not be forced to do something that is above and beyond what is regular intercourse and you know, the two can negotiate you know, what, what can be done and Allah azza wa jal knows best.

00:51:40--> 00:51:46

The next question and again, this is a sexually explicit one. So, you know, keep this point in mind. The next question is,

00:51:47--> 00:51:52

can a husband forced his wife to engage in intercourse?

00:51:54--> 00:52:09

The answer to this question Unfortunately, many men misunderstand the Hadith about about sexual rights, and they misuse and abuse it. And they understand from it that the man has unconditional rights to engage in intercourse. And this is simply not the case.

00:52:10--> 00:52:48

There is a genre of Hadith and they are authentic, you cannot really deny them unless you deny a hadith. There's numerous a hadith, almost to the point of it being water, water, that of the rights of the marital religions. And by the way, before I even quote these a hadith do brothers and sisters, no marriage is going to flourish. If you are worried about what is the minimal bare minimal requirements, it's not going to flourish. The Sharia has come with law, marriage is based upon love. Law and love are two separate things. You have to understand this point the Sharia is giving you the basic bare minimum requirements. But no marriage is going to function. If you look at the bare

00:52:48--> 00:53:28

minimum requirements, a marriage needs more than law. And the Sharia is not there to teach you a tickets and matters at least when it comes to the physical books are not their shoes, I should say the fifth books are not are not there to teach you Atticus manners, the thick books are books of law and books of law or dry cut and paste rules. And so for example, it is law that the man has to provide sustenance and food and drink and a roof over her head and clothing upon the wife. It is a requirement. Even if he has an argument with her even if he's in a bad mood, even if you know he is suffering anything else, no matter what happens. The man can never ever, ever deprive his wife of

00:53:28--> 00:54:09

safety of the roof over her head. Unless, of course he doesn't have one that is one of the case. But I'm saying if he has wealth, then he is obliged by the Sharia to make sure that his wife is living comfortably in accordance with the income that he has. He cannot just wake up and say, Ah, I don't feel good. I had a bad argument with her. And I'm not gonna give her food today. No, it doesn't matter what argument has had doesn't matter what bad mood he is in, he is required to provide his wife a a level of living that is in accordance with the income that he has. Now, what is then the flip side that the law says, and this is law, it's not a debit, it's not any love. It's the law.

00:54:09--> 00:54:44

What is the flip side if the man is required by law to make sure that his wife is fed and taken care of and protected and safe in her house and she has her own place to live? If he is required to do this, regardless of what else is happening in his life or how mental pressure he has or even if they've had an argument he cannot deprive her, you know of that and our process. Some experts explicitly said that the right of the wife upon the husband is that, you know he does not abandon her anywhere except in her own house. If he wants to leave and he's angry. He doesn't abandon her in the middle of the street. He doesn't abandon her in a strange place. If he wants to walk away

00:54:44--> 00:54:59

because he's so angry and cooled down and whatnot. The only place he can do that she's in the safety of her house. He walks away in anger in this case for a while he can calm down no problem. He can never abandon her in a strange place. Now, if the requirement is that

00:55:00--> 00:55:37

upon demand, what is the flip side? What must a woman do legally speaking. And this is where all of those Hadith come that. Again, let's be honest here, a lot of people are very uncomfortable that these are Hadith. And a lot of our sisters and brothers they don't like even quoting these a hadith, but it is law it is not love and law is separate you need to understand these a hadith in the broader picture and philosophy of what the goal of these hadith is there are multiple a hadith that when a man wants his desire to be satisfied, and he calls his wife unless she has an excuse, she should respond that unless she's genuinely sick or menses or you know, severe headache or whatever,

00:55:37--> 00:56:15

or very tired because of a long day, whatever, if she has a legitimate excuse, that's between her and Allah subhanaw taala. If she does not have a legitimate excuse, then there are Hadith are very clear that the angels will get angry at her, the angels will curse her that she is not fulfilling her wifely duties. Now, these are authentic hadith, nobody can deny them if they accept Hadith. And again, as I said, these a hadith or law, what it means, just like there are certain things the man must do, regardless of how he feels he must provide for his wife. So there are certain things that the woman is required to do by law. And the number one thing on that list is availability for

00:56:15--> 00:56:56

intercourse that when the husband does want to satisfy and the Sharia has viewed this is the shedding of Allah, the Sharia has viewed that the harm that might come for not satisfying a man's desire is worse than the irritation or the nuisance upon the wife. So she should obey for the sake of Allah subhanho wa taala. Now, all of these Hadith, they are between a woman and her Lord, if she refuses her husband, then the repercussions are going to come upon her and those repercussions include that the angels are going to curse her, the angels gonna make dua against her, whatever that might be. But notice, if a woman decides that she is willing to face that wrath, that's between her

00:56:56--> 00:57:35

and Allah and the husband has the right to criticize, the husband has the right to tell her this is not right. This is not going to be a flourishing marriage. But he cannot do more than this. He cannot force himself on her physically. And that's something that is from this hadith, because the prophets have literally said, if the husband tosses back and forth angry, then the angels are going to curse. He literally says tosses back and forth. He didn't say I will do Billa he forces himself on her No, he is not allowed to physically force himself on his wife, because that is going to be a type of harm and a type of psychological torture and a type of inflicting of pain that is not

00:57:35--> 00:58:15

befitting of human decency of Kurama and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, la Bharara while there are there should be no harming of others, nor should yourself be harmed, there should be no harming of others, and to force yourself in this manner, in the most intimate of acts to force yourself. This is something that there is no question. It is a psychological trauma. It is a physical trauma. It is a pain of the body and the soul and the mind. And there is no way that this is something that is allowed in our Sharia, yes, the wife should not say no, but if for whatever, meaning if she doesn't have an excuse, but if for whatever reason she does that, then she has to

00:58:15--> 00:58:35

face the consequences with her Lord, and her husband has the right to speak up. And the Quran does give three steps which is the famous verse of Surah, Nisa, which does definitely require another question and answer I'm not trying to avoid that. But I don't want to go down that verse now. Because that is a whole different, you know, issue that we need to discuss, but the three steps that are mentioned sort of the nisa that

00:58:36--> 00:59:13

the woman and the primary context of this verse is about a lady who constantly refuses to engage in intimacy. That's the context of this verse. And that is the primary meaning of this verse. If the lady constantly refuses to be intimate with her husband, number one, Allah says advisor, advisor fireable. Hoonah, right, tell her that this is a marriage is not going to flourish this way. I mean, it's not fair. What do you expect me to do? Marriage has to be based on love, you know, 500 as crew of her rights of the of Allah subhanaw taala. Number two, leave her in her bed. So abandon her you go to the bedroom to the living room, and you leave her in the bedroom, you make her understand that

00:59:13--> 00:59:51

things are getting serious. The third thing that is mentioned in the Quran, my philosophy or my fatwa is that in the cultures that we live in, this is an option A, B, or C, it's not why'd you if you have to get to see my advice is jump over C and move to divorce then if it's really not working, and it's not any, you're not able to get to the marital happiness, five or Hoonah YG ruhuna. And then in that society in the times in the cultures that we live in resorting to Option C is going to break the marriage, there is no point of option C when it was done in other societies in times it might have saved the marriage. In some cultures, Option C might have saved the marriage, but in the

00:59:51--> 00:59:59

cultures, I'm talking about Western cultures in particular, I'm not speaking of any other culture, but definitely the Western cultures that were born and raised in option C is going to complete

01:00:00--> 01:00:41

They break the marriage is not going to flourish. So if there is no hope from option A and B, jump over option C, and then make Bismillah, the marriage is not working out, it's not obligatory to remain married. And so Allah will take care of each one of them and find their happiness. Don't know, don't prolong the marriage when it's not working out. The point being, though, that even in these three options, even in these three, you are not allowed to force intimacy on your spouse think about that, right. Even in these three, there is no option of forcing intimacy, you cannot force intimacy on your spouse. Rather, you encourage you entice and you remind and then if it gets really

01:00:41--> 01:01:17

bad, you you know, sleep in the living room, or you leave the bedroom for a while, and also arbitration and other things can be done of this nature. And as well as sister should realize that intimacy should never be used as a weapon in an argument because that is something that is just going to go down a very negative route just like the husband should never use these Hadith as a club to beat his wife with like metaphorically beat his wife with like, you know, don't do this or so Allah is going to curse your whatnot. No, these are Hadith are meant for women for their Iman and Taqwa they're meant to incite their Iman Taqwa. They're meant to cause them to fear Allah subhanho

01:01:17--> 01:01:56

wa taala, women are reminded that they have a wifely duty in the eyes of Allah, they have a relationship with Allah for the sake of Allah, they should, you know, obey this one aspect of their husband, that's something between them and Allah, if they for whatever reason, choose to not do that. There is no forcing of this act on the wife, it is something that will be considered a harm and a sin because you are inflicting a pain, an emotional trauma on another human being, and you're not going to ever have a marriage flourish in this manner, and you are harming another Muslim, and you're doing something that is not allowed. And this is something that is explicit in the book in

01:01:56--> 01:02:31

the books of our focal hub. And as I said, the Quran and Sunnah clearly indicates this, because in all of the evidences that I just quoted you nothing even indicated there's going to be a forcing the man goes to sleep angry, why would he be angry because he's not forcing himself on his wife. So he's irritated that he didn't have sex with his wife. So the man's angry, he's not forcing himself. The same with the Quranic verse, the three options are there, none of them says force yourself on your wife try try try you. You do you do emotional tactics and verbal and whatnot. If it doesn't work, call us Let the marriage go. And the meaning prolonged wise, if doesn't work, obviously, Let the

01:02:31--> 01:03:09

marriage go and the only Bismillah you're not, you know, you don't have to prolong a very difficult situation. What I advise the couple as well, is that once tempers, you know, calm down, they should discuss frankly, the feelings and emotions they have and see counseling and therapy and seek arbitration is so useful arbitration. And I conclude with reminding them of a simple verse in the Quran, that Allah azza wa jal promises that if the two of them want reconciliation, that Allah will bring reconciliation about between them and so follow this first seek reconciliation make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala but it is not allowed to force yourself on your partner because that is

01:03:09--> 01:03:15

going to be sinful and harmful. And Allah subhanho wa Taala knows best is from Allah said, I'm like Mohammed Salah barakato

01:03:18--> 01:03:19

me know,

01:03:21--> 01:03:45

a levena woofie Asana de him for Sharon. What levena umani love we weren't born when Levina Zanka differ I do phone. Wallasey now only 4g him have you hone in

01:03:48--> 01:03:49

as Why do you

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get amen?

01:03:56--> 01:03:58

Who me