Divorce – The Last Resort

Bismillah Alhamdulillah Allah,

Allah, Allah,

Allah, Allah,

Allah, Allah

Alhamdulillah we praise Allah subhanahu wa tada who knows what the hearts conceal, and what the tongues do not reveal the one to whom all shall appeal and the one whom in front of the believers Neil, we thank Allah subhanho wa Taala for having sent down to us the best of all of his revelations, and sent to us the finest of his creation, and guided us by His invitation to be amongst the believing congregation. And we send Salatin Salaam upon the one who was sent as a parameter in the mean, the one whom even his opponents called a saw the mean, the one who will be our intercessor yoma Dean. Realize My dear brothers and sisters that Allah subhana wa tada has

reminded us to be conscious of him to have Taqwa of him when he says in the Quran, yeah, you hola Nina. mono topo la hapa to RT y La temotu illa. One Two Muslim moon are you who believe have Taqwa of Allah the way that it is befitting that you have Taqwa of Him and do not die except in a state of submission. As to what follows dear Muslims, one of the topics that is rarely mentioned from these pulpits around the globe, and yet it needs to be mentioned. One of the topics that has become taboo to talk about publicly and yet it needs to be discussed regularly is the very awkward topic of divorce. So many husbands are given about marriage. So many helpers are given about the importance

of marriage yet when it comes to the issue of divorce, because we shy away from it time and time again, healthy moms dads are then approached by people who have divorced themselves husbands come and they say share hi did this in this what do I do now? Why is common they text and a phone call? My husband said this my husband did that has the divorce taken place. And it is essential that we mentioned the realities of divorce and how divorce should take place? And what are the steps to do before divorce takes place so that people are better educated so that we don't have to solve problems before they arise. You know, when you bought a plane, you always are taught to the

emergency exits, we seek Allah's refuge from ever having to utilize them. But why are you told where the emergency exits are because in case you need to save a life, that's what you need to do. So to divorce is like an emergency exit. We don't look to it for guidance, we don't enter a marriage thinking about the emergency exits, but we need to know where they are how to use them in case of an emergency. And obviously one Hooda can only do so much, but inshallah tada we will try to shed some light upon this issue and realize all Muslims, whether whether we want to mention it or not divorce is a reality that is affecting not just as the entire globe, skyrocketing, it is estimated public

surveys in this country estimate that up to 50% of marriages in this country and then divorce think about that statistic, up to 50% of marriages in this land. Do you think our community is immune? I'm sure everyone amongst you is aware of friends, family, relatives, maybe even you yourself have undergone this issue. How can we not talk about it when it is affecting all of us, and how many lives have been destroyed? How many children have been deprived from regular normal lives because of hastiness because of anger because of ignorance because people don't know Muslims don't know how to take advantage of this escape route or when to take advantage of this escape route. Realize, dear

Muslims, that the default in our religion is that marriage is supposed to last and marriage lasts through thick and thin and marriage lasts through ups and downs. when the going gets tough. You don't just look at the emergency exits. when the going gets tough. You don't start thinking of how to finish off the marriage. That's not the reality of marriage. Do you newlyweds? Do you those of you who have been married only five years, 10 years realize every single marriage will have its difficult times. Even our nebby sallallahu alayhi wa sallam went through some difficult times one month, he slept in the masjid away from his wife because of marital tensions. And the Lord revealed

verses about this yet he stayed with all of them and all of them stayed with him. Do not just give up. Don't just throw in the towel. One of the beautiful points our scholars mentioned is

Allah subhanho wa Taala mentions Adam, and he mentioned our mother Hawa in the best of times, and the worst of times How so? While

the musquin answer was ojochal gender the best of times, Adam intergender, you and your wife? And then the worst of times, what was the worst incident that happened to our father Adam, to be expelled from Jenna, or the Hobbit. Amen. Hi, Jamie. Both of you come back down. In the bad times, and in the good times, husband and wife were together and they stayed together. Some of our scholars went into this type of indication that through thick and thin husbands and wives, they stick together, they try to work things out. And of course, we know in the example of our mother, Khadija rhodiola, who I know how that how she was a pillar of support, how much the Profit System valued,

how much he appreciated, and they had 15, solid years before the war, he began, well, life was relatively easy. And then when the war began, persecution began, all of these difficulties began our mother Khadija became the primary pillar of support for our Prophet Sall Allahu Allah. She didn't just give up. She didn't just say, oh, now it's too tough. I'm going to abandon you she stuck with him, and he felt alive and I've always admired and always maintained that ties and that loyalty until he passed away sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, therefore dear brothers and sisters, we begin this hook by by saying, yes, it is about divorce and yes, it is an escape route, but don't think of the

escape route as soon as the plane starts a little bit of turbulence. Don't start thinking of exiting when difficulties arise know try your best to work your way through our profit solar system is reported or said howdy this infinitive new module if you send it to your boss where they can find out who saw our profits on this item is reported to have said a bobble head on the en de la hip paddock. The worst or the most despised of all things that are permissible is buttock. ponder over this hadith it is Helen, you are not sinful if you have to do a divorce and you do a divorce. But what does this hadith say about Helen, the most despicable of Helen, the most despised of Hillel. It

is Helen I'm not saying it's Haram. But the prophet system is saying it's the worst thing you can do that is halal. Nothing that is halal is lesser than this issue of divorce. So before we jump to that conclusion, what should we do what the only allows me to mention four points and of course, perhaps longer classes can be given. First and foremost, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters realize a lot created men and women psychologically, physiologically, intellectually emotionally differently. When they said that Gurukul The man is not like the woman.

Do not assume that your partner understands the severity of how you feel. Do not assume that your husband or your wife can understand the anger, the frustration, whatever is going on, realize a lot created men and women differently. And this is something every psychologist now is mentioning is something that is well known. Therefore, number one step, communicate say it explicitly. Do not make an assumption that the other partner understands how bad the situation is. Unless and until you explain it husbands men realize our profits all of a sudden addressed us directly when he said it's those who've been decided to hire or treat your women gently and realize they had been created from

a rib he said additives and Bahati and the highest point of the rib is the most curved. Now this hadith causes a little bit of controversy in some modern circles. It is an authentic idea. The meaning is very clear. There's nothing controversial about it. For a man. For a man, a woman's way of thinking does not make any sense. It's difficult to communicate. And our profit system is saying, look, you need to treat women with emotion with compassion. Don't treat them the way you treat another man with your level of arguing or logical rationality. This is not to say women are illogical or irrational. No, but women have a different way. From a woman's perspective a man seems

irrational. A man seems obtuse a man seems completely cut off from the reality each one of them is in their own paradigm. So our profit system is saying oh men, be emotional with your women treat them this is emotion have the love and the Rama don't have the argument and the intellectual debates you might have with another man. That's not how you solve most problems when it comes to the issues of marriage and vice versa. This is not to say as I said women are irrational is that women have a different way of thinking women can multitask women use all of their brain simultaneously manages well known compartmentalize men only use one aspect of the brain at one time. In some sense, it can

be argued women are a very different type of intellectual than men are because

Men are focused men do one thing with their brains. My point is, men and women need to understand communication is the key women as well. Do not assume your husband knows why you're irritated. In fact, some psychologists say, and it sounds a little bit demeaning, but it is true. Treat your husband like a five year old child, tell him exactly what he needs to do. Tell him exactly what the problem is. Don't assume that your husband knows what is going on in your head. And frankly, I will say that is a true advice as well just tell us what is irritating you explain the cause and use gentle language and perhaps many problems will be solved. many problems between a marriage are the

result of miscommunication. The two did not even take the time to communicate their problems to one another. And things went from bad to worse simply because what was in the heart was left in the heart. That's not how a marriage is going to succeed. Gently commonly when the time is right, sit the spouse down in a gentle manner using soft language explain what the issue is psychologists say use it rather than you I am hurt when you do this. I feel this when this happens. Don't say you do this to me rather say I I am hurt when this and this occurred so that it is softened, you don't become accusative. So point number one, communicate what is going on do not make assumptions. If

after communicating number, it doesn't work. We move to stage two, we move to stage two, what is stage two? stage two is you approach family and friends for comfort and support. Give your ideas and your problems till your close circle do not think that a marriage will last all by itself. Even our Prophet sallallahu I sent him the famous incident in the Sierra listen to it when an issue happened. He called Talib nebia party he called Zaid even had it and he asked them what should I do about this issue about it was about what the the issues of the wives that what not he asked his best friends what he should do? Imagine he is the Nabi sallallahu, alayhi wasallam and he is turning to his

family and friends, what do you think I should do? So panela if he can do this, how about us, men and women, husbands and wives, maybe just maybe you're at fault here. And when your wife or your husband tells you you don't understand, when your friend tells you it will actually click when your friend says you know, maybe you did react too much, you know, maybe you were too harsh, you know, maybe you said then it might actually have an impact that your spouse will not impact. So to save a marriage, go to family and friends, as well, family and friends, feel free to offer intervention do not intervene, offer to help do not help immediately. Or else you might be presumed as as getting

involved in something that is not your business. But if you know a close friend is going through a problem if your family, your relatives, you see your brother, your sister, your cousin going through some severe issues with marriage, again, when the time is right, offer your help and say, you know, I don't want to pry. I don't want to get involved in something that's not my business. But if you want, my wife and I are here, we can help to solve any issues, our profits alongside them How deep is in Bahati buddy law had a divorce with her husband. It was a very acrimonious issue on his on her site. He wanted to remain and she wanted to leave. And he would actually walk in the streets of

Medina crying, wanting to get his ex wife back. And for whatever reason she didn't want to come back to him and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself got involved. He said, Oh, buddy, rah, you know, why don't you take him back? You know, what is the issue? He got involved Mr. manoli comments on this. And he said, This indicates that family and friends that anybody who is a person of authority, when they see a marriage is in issues, they should offer their help, they should see, can I come and help? Can I do something for you and just offer it's not something if you are refused? Okay, no problem. You did your deed, but maybe just maybe you can actually come and save

the marriage. So stage number two, if the marriage is getting very tough, you're not able to solve it within yourselves. Do not feel shy or embarrassed to go to close family to go to close friends. Our Profit System did it. Why would you be embarrassed to do it? stage number three. If that does not work and talk of divorce begins. You actually are now genuinely thinking about divorce. Allah subhana wa tada tells you there must be an intermediate step. There must be something before you jump to that exit. Because again, dear Muslims, how many times we see after one argument and an impetuous husband just says I divorced you so panela the marriage was planned for weeks, months

years. And the divorce is done in 10 seconds will lie This is foolish. You need to plan for a divorce. 10 times more

You plan for marriage. A divorce is not done spontaneously in Islamic law. A divorce is never done on the spur of the moment you take your time you think you follow these steps we are now on step number three, if talk of divorce begins if it's that bad that family and friends are not immediately solving, then Allah subhana wa tada says, For them Sherpa cabine Hema, if you are worried that now the marriage will result in a split now when the worry has become tangible, stage one has failed. Stage two has failed. Now, what should you do further ado, hacker meme in early he will hack amendment Allah. Now Allah says there will be a mini court but not in the courtroom of the lands.

It's too awkward husband and wife mentioning their private It doesn't work that way. No, Allah azza wa jal has allowed a court within the family. This is called arbitration. One person from the side of the husband, who knows both of them one person from the side of the wife, who knows both of them, this person doesn't have to be a share for PhD and this person has to be a wise person. That's all somebody who's been through many years, somebody who is hacky, and somebody who is just a person who knows human emotion. Generally speaking, most people who have lived life can be an arbitrator. Generally speaking, most people who are 5060 years old, they can come in to a marriage of 3040 year

old people, and they understand what's going on, they've lived it. So for battle hacker moment, Ellie will have come in earlier, and one person from the husband side, and one person from the wife, two people. Why because it's human nature, your relative, you're a bit softer with them just a bit softer with them. So Allah says find one, it doesn't have to be blood relative, but somebody whom the wife knows somebody whom the husband knows more than the other. It's possible, obviously that both can know them. But choosing with the wife chooses one, the husband chooses one, our scholars say this should be an officially binding arbitration. What this means is, the two come together, and

the to listen to both parties independent of one another independent of one another, then the two of them meet up independent of the couple. So now they are talking in the absence of the couple if they need to repeat to get more questions just like a jury, just like an actual mini trial, no problem. The goal is to save the marriage is not to indict somebody, if they have to ask more questions have more interrogation, no problem, do it, then the two of them pronounce their verdict. Husband, you are too harsh. You need to calm down wife, you might be overreacting on some issues work on this. So they give them a plan of action. Our scholars say it is legally binding, meaning you are sinful if

you just throw us I don't care about this, because the law is saying you need to do this. Allah is saying the two of them have to tell you what to do. And they will then both of them will give you simple tips, pointers, they'll point out maybe one site is 60%. Wrong other side is 40%. Maybe one site is 100%. Wrong, you never know. That's why you get the two independent arbitrators and they will then tell you what to do. Then, if after arbitration, sometimes the arbitrators will say, you know what, this is an irreconcilable difference, whatever it might be, it doesn't work out. If after that, or after trying with the arbitrators have decided, still doesn't work out. And the both of

them are now really thinking about divorce. Even then there's one final step, and that is solitude is taharah. Never, ever do something of this magnitude without istikhara. pray to Allah subhana wa tada to guide you to the best of decisions, never undertake any decision without praying salata, istikhara. And then after all of this, if genuinely the both of you decide that there is no way out other than this escape route, even then there is a procedure to follow. Divorce is never done on the whim on the spur. And I tell you from my anecdotal experience, and I am positive, every mom and chef in the world will cooperate cooperate this more than 90% I want to even say 95% of divorces that

come to me and others it is spontaneous. That's not the way you divorce. You don't just divorce because of one issue one argument because of one incident that happened. Divorce is planned, like the marriage is planned no 10 times more than the marriage was planned. You don't just decide one day because of one issue. I'm just going to end up in divorce. You follow these steps you do everything you can and then even then there is a procedure and the first Islamic ruling of divorce shows you that a law does not one spontaneous divorce what is the number one rule in the books forget the psychology now.

We get to the fifth in the fifth books, all the scholars agree that the divorce needs to take place when a woman is not in her monthly cycle, and she is pure, therefore, and her husband has not engaged in intercourse with her during that full cycle, is that spontaneous? No, you have to think Hold on a sec. What time of the month? Is it for her? Okay, have I engaged in intimacy? If I have, I have to wait one month, you have to wait two, three weeks minimum. This is in the Koran This is properly it's in the Quran, divorce them at the proper time. Why do brothers because the hands of the divorce is in your hands, meaning the right of divorces in your hand immediately. As for a

woman, she can sue for divorce in the court of law and the absence of a court of law, she can go to a group of moms issue and explain the issues and if they granted that's a separate issue. But the point is, why did a law say in the Quran, divorce them at their proper times, to indicate that divorce is not spontaneous, you have to pause you have to wait. And if you have been intimate in the last month, you have to wait until the cycle then the cycle finishes then she purifies herself then you do not touch her during that purification. And then after all of this, you may in a calm manner because divorce should never be done in an angry manner. You may then state that I have divorced to

one time only do not make a mockery of the Sharia and give multiple divorces. Marriage is not made out of soap operas and dramas ignore all of that one of our biggest problems we learn from soap operas and dramas are the Billa marriages are destroyed because people don't know how to divorce and they make a mockery of Tara I divorce you I divorced her I divorced you this is not how you say a Divorce, Divorce is said once and only once in a calm manner when all of these things have been done and the timeframe is correct. This is the wave for divorce. And our scholars mentioned Why should divorce not be given in a menstrual cycle. Many reasons can be given but of them is that it is

common during this time frame that the wife might be a little bit more irritable might be causing more issues, and the husband as well might be also frustrated. So this is not the time for divorce. Also the Sunda manner of divorce, the proper manner of divorce is never to combine multiple divorces in one this is called an innovative divorce. You don't divorce multiple times, a man came to a boss and he said I divorced my wife 1000 times and then above said, You have made a mockery of the Sharia. What can I do for you? You are joking about the city of Allah now you come to me only been actually he came in running open a bus open a bus. What do I do? I divorce my wife 1000 times in a

bus became irritated. He said you did not follow the laws of a law you made a joke of religion, then you come running to me or I've been a bus or a bus. Why didn't you follow a machete and divorce one time that way you were supposed to ask for the issue of whether tripolar one counts This is beyond the scope of my point right now do not engage if you're going to even get to the stage of divorce do not engage in more than one time per cycle. Also dear brothers and sisters. This needs to be said here that amongst the format hubs, one of them the one that is common in our Indian Pakistani subculture. It has a mechanism of divorce that the other three methods do not like and it needs to

be said here that madhhab says that you say paddock once in every month, so that you have a binding triple bollock. So you will say paddock, let's say in January, then you wait a second product in February, then you will total up in March. And while technically this is allowed, and it will be tripled product. What happens when you do this? And the other three months you should not do that. Why? Because when you give three products, we know what happens with three products, which is what it is officially sealed, you can never remarry. There is no hope of remarriage unless a very difficult thing takes place. That's why the other three might have say, No, no, no, don't do that.

Give only one, only one product give it and then when the finishes she is a free lady. Maybe the both of you come down maybe after six months a year. You say you know what? Let's come back together for the sake of the kids. Now you have that opportunity. And this is what even some modern Hanafi scholars who are saying this is the best way is not to give three products in three months, but to give one product in the entire cycle. And even then dear brothers and sisters after palapa has given Subhanallah I say this bluntly. If Muslims followed the Sharia divorce would be less than 234 percent if they followed the Sharia. Even after giving Pollack, it is the explicit commandment in

the Quran. What? That the woman has to live in the house of the man

For three full cycles, and the man is not allowed to forget intimacy, even be romantic with her, our scholars say if he kisses her, if he hugs her, the paddock has ever taken back and then remarried again. Now, a lot is showing you. And again brothers, let's be honest here, you're really wanting a product show a law, that for three months, you can live in the same house and not have any romance like husband and wife show love that if you can do that, that honestly, we deserve to live, frankly. But who amongst us can be three months in the same house as one spouse, and not even a romantic phrase, not even a hug, not even a touch, not even a kiss on the cheek? Who can do that. And this is

the explicit command of the Oregon law to create your own name and booty hint, do not expel them from their houses, in our times are with a beloved, the arrogant man. And it is usually almost always the man in this case, because he has the Pollak in his heart, he says Go back to your parents house, Allah is saying, Do not expel them. And the man says go back and he exposed him. You tell me who is obeying the law of Allah who is disobeying? Even in that case, the man has to live with the woman for three months, as long as there's physical safety. I'm not saying if there's abuse, that's a different issue. I'm talking about the norm. When there's a regular divorce regular, then in this

case, she has to live for three months in the house. And then after that, the divorce takes place. And even then, what is the final silky ruling of divorce? Will law What a beautiful Sharia we have. Allah says in the Quran, when you divorce a woman and she's going to leave, give her a gift. Can you imagine material when

the rich person should give a gift according to his level of income and the poor person according to his level, but everyone has to give a gift when the marriage is over? Can you believe this is our *ty? Okay? It didn't work out. Here. It does. Sometimes it happens. Let's not try to have very hard feelings. You know, may Allah make it easy for us. And here let me give you a generous gift. And Allah is saying this is something that is called the most at the top this is called the gift of Palak. You have to give something even when the marriage is over. Can you imagine brothers and sisters if the people followed the shady how little divorce would be therefore to summarize the

first part of this book? Yes, divorce is an escape route. Yes, it is there in case we need it. But the emergency route is not used just when immediately some issues happen. It's there in case of genuine emergency dire situation or Muslims follow the *ty out of a law, protect your marriages do not think of divorce immediately. And even when it needs to be done, make sure it is done properly. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless me and you within through the Quran and may make us of those who is versus they understand and who applies. Hello then how long throughout their lifespan. Ask us forgiveness. You as well asked for his love for Torah man.

hamdu lillahi wa hadn't had a summit Allah Allah May Allah Allah, Allah Allah, Allah Hakuna ahead, what do we also have to mention dear Muslims when it comes to the issue of divorce, that divorce doesn't just affect you. It affects the people that are the nearest and dearest to you. It affects children. This is yet another reason why we need to be very, very careful about divorce. Do Muslims we live in a land where a clock and the man are almost absent? Not just for the sake of your own money man for the sake of your children's ochlocknee man, protect your families. Work on your marriages. Dear brothers and sisters don't just give up for the sake of your deen and dunya for the

sake of yourselves and your children after you don't just give up and throw in the towel, work on a marriage. Try your best to salvage it. Don't just throw it away. It is a precious gift from Allah subhanho wa Taala our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said this whole world is a temporary gift and pleasure and the best pleasure that Allah has given in this world is the righteous spouse. This is the best blessing is a good spouse. Don't just give up a spouse. Don't just get rid of somebody. Try your best to make the marriage work to salvage the spouse and realize realize Muslim brother and sister You two are not perfect. There is no question that you two have issues and false that is

troubling the other partner that's impossible that that's not the case. It's impossible. Are you not human? Do you not have mistakes and issues? So why do you only look at what is negative in the other and never look at what is negative in yourself? Why do you only concentrate on the negative and ignore the positive had Ethan Muslim Mr. Mohammed our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said never should have believed

Man despise a believing woman meaning his wife never should a Muslim, despise another Muslim. If the husband doesn't like some qualities in her for sure, he will find other qualities that are praiseworthy. This is a Hadith, this is a hadith don't just concentrate on the negative, even if the marriage doesn't work out, she's a good person, inshallah, in some ways, he's a good person in some ways, don't just concentrate on the negative. And then the final point, dear brothers and sisters, and again, so much can be said. But it also needs to be mentioned here. In case in case the marriage after all of these issues does not work out. And the two partners have to park their ways. Allah

says in the Quran, no problem. Allah will take care of each one of them. And there should be no stigma on the divorce. See, once the proper procedure has been followed, this is another problem that we have in our culture. Just because a marriage did not work out doesn't mean you or her or him and him were bad people. Sometimes two righteous people just don't get along and they're both righteous. Abdullah Abdullah zubayr, the Hawaii of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and a smart Binti Abu Bakar. Both of them are people of gender. Their marriage did not work in this world, they had to end up in divorce. Zaid Ibn hadiza and the cousin of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa

sallam, Xena, the both of them or promise gender, their marriage did not work out. They ended up in a divorce. So many Sahaba ended up in a divorce. It did not diminish their emotion. There was no stigma or scar or trauma attached to that divorce society accepted it. This is another problem that we have that there's a stigma especially on the female and so Pamela I'm being honest to your brothers most of the time default is demands I'm not saying all the time, most of the time default is the men's and yet the stigma is on whom it is on the women, what type of unjust society is that? And because of this once a woman is divorced or without with a biller, she becomes almost like

untouchable goods. And the fact of the matter is our mothers our the wives of the process of all of them were divorced. These are widows except for one he showed us this is what no problem if a person is divorced, no prize the reality of life. The Sahaba when intermarry after a divorce, no problem. Look at the story of a smart been two roommates, she was married to Java and then to Albuquerque, and then to Hollywood, the Allahu and each one of them is having children with her. Each one is not caring that she is widowed from a previous one didn't matter to them. So just because the divorce takes place, it does not in and of itself mean anything, and no stigma should be attached. In the

case of divorce brothers and sisters, I conclude by reminding myself in all of you of what our scholars have said, is the most optimistic verse in the whole or on about marriage. Please memorize this verse. Our scholars have said this is the most optimistic verse in the Quran about marriage. Allah says in the Quran in you read Islam when you were a la habana.

I cannot think of a more positive message that Allah revealed in the Quran for marriages. Allah is saying, if the both husband and wife want to make the marriage work, a law will bring about a mechanism that the marriage will work. It's as simple as that. Allah is saying you put in the effort the both of you be sincere. The both of you want to have the marriage work, a lot of promises. It's a condition and the answer to that condition in UD de Islam is the husband and wife want to make reconciliation they want to make the marriage work a lot will make the marriage work a lot is promising you giving you on a silver platter. What more do you want dear husbands and wives be

sincere, be humble, follow the Islamic procedure and insha Allah hota Allah insha Allah Tada This will save many many marriages and in case a divorce takes place after all of this even then Allah says what you need to farakka and if the both of them have to split up your vanilla who coolamon Sati Allah will give each one of them what is best for them in all cases turn to Allah do things properly and Allah subhana wa tada will take care of you Hello homendy Darren firmino Allahu Allah doesn't know if he had no visa Manila.

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