Ask Shaykh YQ #98 – Can a Husband Force Intimacy On His Spouse
Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Series: Yasir Qadhi - Ask Shaykh YQ
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Next question and again, this is a sexually explicit one. So, you know, keep this point in mind. The next question is,
can a husband force his wife to engage in intercourse?
out of seven
Kobe league in?
No he lay him first.
The answer to this question unfortunately many men misunderstand the Hadith about, about sexual rights, and they misuse and abuse it. And they understand from it that the man has unconditional rights to engage in intercourse. And this is simply not the case.
There is a genre of Hadith and they are authentic, you cannot really deny them unless you deny these. There's numerous a hadith almost to the point of between water water that have the rights of the marital relations. And by the way, before I even quote is a hadith two brothers and sisters, no marriage is going to flourish. If you are worried about what is the minimal bare minimal requirements, it's not going to flourish. The shediac has come with law, marriage is based upon love. Law and love are two separate things you have to understand this point the Sharia is giving you the basic bare minimum requirements. But no marriage is going to function. If you look at the
bare minimum requirements, a marriage needs more than law. And the sheriff is not there to teach you a tickets and matters at least when it comes to the physical books. They're not their shoes, I should say the physical books are not are not there to teach you a ticket surrenders the physical books are books of law, and books of law are dry cut and paste rules. And so for example, it is law that the man has to provide sustenance and food and drink and a roof over her head and clothing upon the wife. It is a requirement. Even if he has an argument with her even if he's in a bad mood, even if you know he is suffering anything else, no matter what happens. The man can never ever, ever
deprive his wife of safety of the roof over her head. Unless, of course he doesn't have one that that's the case. But I'm saying if he has wealth, then he is obliged by the surety to make sure that his wife is living comfortably in accordance with the income that he has. He cannot just wake up and say, Ah, I don't feel good. I had a bad argument with her. And I'm not going to give her food today. No, it doesn't matter what argument has had doesn't matter what bad mood he is in, he is required to provide his wife a level of living that is in accordance with the income that he has. Now, what is then the flip side that the law says, and this is law, it's not a dab it's not any love. It's the
law. What is the flip side if the man is required by law to make sure that his wife is fed and taken care of and protected and safe in her house and she has her own place to live? If he is required to do this, regardless of what else is happening in his life or how mental pressure he has or even if they've had an argument, he cannot deprive her, you know of that in our process, some experts who explicitly said that the right of the wife upon the husband is that, you know, he does not abandoned her anywhere except in her own house. If he wants to leave and he's angry, he doesn't abandon her in the middle of the street, he doesn't abandon her in a strange place. If he wants to walk away
because he's so angry and cooled down and whatnot. The only place he can do that she's in the safety of her house, he walks away in anger. In this case for a while he can come down No problem, he can never abandon her in a strange place. Now, if the requirement is that upon demand, what is the flip side? What must a woman do legally speaking, and this is where all of those ahaadeeth come that. Again, let's be honest here. A lot of people are very uncomfortable that these are Hadith. And a lot of our sisters and brothers they don't like even quoting these a hadith. But it is law it is not love and law is separate. You need to understand these a hadith in the broader picture and
philosophy of what the goal of these a hadith is there are multiple Hadith that when a man wants his desire to be satisfied, and he calls his wife unless she has an excuse, she should respond that unless she's genuinely sick or menses or you know, severe headache or whatever, or very tired because of the long day whatever, if she has a legitimate excuse, that's between her and Allah subhana wa Tada. If she does not have a legitimate excuse, then the Hadith are very clear that the angels will get angry at her the angels will curse her that she is not fulfilling her wifely duties. Now, these are authentic hadith nobody can deny them if they accept Hadith. And again as I said
these a hadith are law what it means just like there are certain things the man must do, regardless of how he feels he must provide for his wife. So there are certain things that the woman is required to do by law. And the number one thing on that list is availability for intercourse that when
The husband does want to satisfy under Sharia has reviewed this is the shedding of Allah, the shed era has viewed that the harm that might come for not satisfying a man's desire is worse than the irritation or the nuisance upon the wife. So she should obey for the sake of Allah Subhana, WA Tada. Now, all of these ahaadeeth they are between a woman and her Lord, if she refuses her husband, then the repercussions are going to come upon her. And those repercussions include that the angels are going to curse or the angels gonna make draw against her, whatever that might be. But notice, if a woman decides that she is willing to face that wrath, that's between her and Allah and the husband
has the right to criticize, the husband has the right to tell her this is not right. This is not going to be a flourishing marriage. But he cannot do more than this. He cannot force himself on her physically. And that's something that is from these ahaadeeth because the prophecy literally said, if the husband tosses back and forth angry, then the angels are going to curse. He literally says tosses back and forth. He didn't say I will do Billa he forces himself on her No, he is not allowed to physically force himself on his wife, because that is going to be a type of harm and a type of psychological torture and a type of inflicting of pain that is not befitting of human decency of
karma. And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said la Barrera well are there are there should be no harming of others, nor should yourself be harmed, there should be no harming of others, and to force yourself in this manner, in the most intimate of acts to force yourself. This is something that there is no question. It is a psychological trauma. It is a physical trauma. It is a pain of the body and the soul and the mind. And there is no way that this is something that is allowed in our *tier Yes, the wife should not say no. But if for whatever, meaning if she doesn't have an excuse, but if for whatever reason she does that, then she has to face the consequences with her
Lord, and her husband has the right to speak up. And the Quran does give three steps which is the famous versus Ruth and Lisa, which does definitely require another question and answer I'm not trying to avoid that. But I don't want to go down on that verse now because that is a whole different, you know, issue that we need to discuss, but the three steps that are mentioned sort of the Nisa that
the woman and the primary context of this verse is about a lady who constantly refuses to engage in intimacy. That's the context of this verse. And that is the primary meaning of this verse if the lady constantly refuses to be intimate with her husband, number one, Allah says advisor, advisor fireable. hoonah, right. Tell her that this is a marriage is not going to flourish this way. I mean, it's not fair. What do you expect me to do? Marriage has to be based on love You know, for a blue Honda asked of her rights of the of Allah subhana wa Tada. Number two, leave her in her bed, so abandoned her, you go to the bedroom to the living room, and you leave her in the bedroom, you make
her understand that things are getting serious. The third thing that is mentioned in the Quran, my philosophy or my photo is that in the cultures that we live in, this is an option A, B, or C, it's not why'd you if you have to get to see my advice is jump over C and move to divorce then if it's really not working, and it's not any, you're not able to get to the marital happiness, variable hoonah why Judo hoonah and then in the society in the times in the cultures that we live in resorting to option C is going to break the marriage, there is no point of option C, when it was done in other societies, in times, it might have saved the marriage. In some cultures, option C
might have saved the marriage, but in the cultures on time, what Western cultures in particular, I'm not speaking of any other culture, but definitely the Western culture is that we are born and raised in option C is going to completely break the marriage is not going to flourish. So if there is no hope from option A and B, jump over option C, and then Miss Bismillah, the marriage is not working out, it's not obligatory, to remain married. And so Allah will take care of each one of them and find their happiness don't know, don't prolong the marriage when it's not working out. The point being though, that even in these three options, even in these three, you are not allowed to force
intimacy on your spouse. Think about that, right? Even in these three, there is no option of forcing intimacy, you cannot force intimacy on your spouse. Rather, you encourage you entice and you remind and then if it gets really bad, you you know lose sleep in the living room, or you leave the bedroom for a while. And also arbitration and other things can be done of this nature. And as well as sisters should realize that intimacy should never be used as a weapon in an argument because that is something that is just going to go down a very negative route. Just like the husband should never use these ahaadeeth as a club to beat his wife would like metaphorically beat his wife would like
you know, don't do this or sola is gonna crush you or whatnot. No, these are. These are meant for women for their email and taqwa. They're meant to incite their Eman taqwa. They're meant to cause them to fear Allah
Subhana wa Tada, women are reminded that they have a wifely duty in the eyes of a law, they have a relationship with a law for the sake of a law, they should, you know, obey this one aspect of their husband, that's something between them and a law, if they for whatever reason, choose to not do that. There is no forcing of this act on the wife, it is something that will be considered a harm and a sin because you are inflicting a pain and emotional trauma on another human being, and you're not going to ever have a marriage flourish in this manner, and you are harming another Muslim, and you are doing something that is not allowed. And this is something that is explicit in the book in
the books of our focal hub. And as I said, the Quran and Sunnah clearly indicates this, because in all of the evidences that I just quoted you nothing even indicated, there's going to be a forcing, the man goes to sleep angry, why would it be angry because he's not forcing himself on his wife. So he's irritated that he didn't have sex with his wife. So the man is angry, he's not forcing himself the same with the Quranic verse, the three options are there, none of them says force yourself on your wife try try try you. You do you do emotional tactics and verbal and whatnot. If it doesn't work, call us Let the marriage go. And the meaning prolong wise, if doesn't work, obviously, let the
marriage go and the only Bismillah you're not, you know, you don't have to prolong a very difficult situation. What I advise the couple as well, is that once tempers, you know, calm down, they should discuss frankly, the feelings and emotions they have and seek counseling and therapy and seek arbitration is so useful arbitration. And I conclude with reminding them of a simple verse in the Quran, that Allah azza wa jal promises that if the two of them want reconciliation, that Allah will bring reconciliation about between them and so follow disperse seek reconciliation, make dua to Allah subhana wa Taala but it is not allowed to force yourself on your partner because that is going
to be sinful and harmful, and a lot of Hannah without it knows best gerakan law said I'm willing to lie about our culture.