Earn On-Going Rewards Now
Jummah Khutbah 2013 02 08
Channel: Yaser Birjas
File Size: 13.30MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Okay, we have had you know, hammered. And so a lot
When you walk around these days, in every single store, whether it's a grocery store, department store, whatever, so you cannot avoid recognizing or seeing the season of love.
As you walk around with the children, one the basics, you cannot avoid exposing your children to all these beautiful red flowers, and nice boxes of chocolate chips, you know, read them and talk shade. And all these beautiful things inside, you cannot avoid that as Muslims. We live in this society, you cannot live in isolation. But then, even as much as you still your kids and you yourself, your spouse, you're going to always have these questions in your mind. questions in your mind about the ideas of love, and the meaning of love whenever they see these things, you always romanticize relationship that cannot be seen anywhere except fairytales on on the TV,
it's very hard. But still, you are forced in believing or building relationships based on ideas that might not be actually real. Our kids are getting these subtle messages. And honestly, when it comes to the season, usually, it's the least practice between husband and wife. Why? Because they know they already love and the practice of perhaps on daily basis, a good relationship.
But the subtle message is for those who are not married yet.
That's the danger that we build them in their mind is about love and marriage and romance.
Fiction. It can only be seen on TV, and in cartoons, unfortunately, as Muslims,
as a parent,
maybe live teenage children when they come to you. And they ask you the question.
When they come to say, No, I'm in love. I would like to get married and they're only 15 or 16 years old. What do you
what are you gonna do about what was the most dangerous thing the parents Unfortunately, they always live in fear of denials. And they're not even proactive, meaning they don't anticipate things. They don't prepare themselves. For these kind of questions, these kind of scenarios and these kind of things.
experience for you as a parent,
you need to know is that you need to learn need to prepare yourself for that day when it comes. And
I want you also to wake up,
I want you to wake up around you is commercializing one of the most important and novel fields of human beings that is love.
They're commercializing that
you force them to believe in it, and guess what it works. And the only reason it works, because these are genuine feelings. And it really works. Whatever the emotions of people as Muslims, these ideas are so beautiful, but they have to be rationalized.
When do we get these ideas of love from other than from the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam you know, the beginning of the year for me, what
And the best guidance is the guidance of the prophets of Allah.
Even like love, absolutely. We only think of the prophets of a lot and we'll send them in capacity and his capacity as a messenger of Allah. We only think of him as a man to guide us through our devotion that Allah has fasting and so on, but we only think of him as a great family.
And also as a grade level,
we don't see them because perhaps we never taught that or we never even read enough.
In this in this book, that I would like to share with you a few things from the life of the Prophet, so a few principles related to love and loving relationships him as a husband, so
his life as a husband, as a family, man, what should we learn from the prophets or
what should we expect, and when you talk to your children, this
love story, not fiction. These are real, they happen. And they were successful, very real and genuine coming from, from the profits of a lot.
You see a lot of
mercy to mankind, we spoke about a few years ago, as a mercy to the world, some of our partners in having that mercy in one of the most important relationships, and that relationship is
us on these days is very scary. And unfortunately, saying that, you know, as we provide counseling, marriage counseling service, as I do marriage counseling service handler, it's very exciting, that you see people, you know, coming and learning and practicing their
relationship under management. But at the same time, it's very appalling, and so scary, that I don't even have enough hours to follow these counseling sessions.
I don't have enough time.
There are too many.
There are too many animals, they need perhaps our new counsel to help them you know, improve the relationship, make it happen more, and get them ready for
But one thing that I've noticed as a pattern kind of trend is the lack of real education, really education, when it comes to love and marriage, and not just lack of real exam.
the only the only examples and models they have is what they read in books, fictional books, and what what they're watching TV, and also what they've been watching for all these years.
And when they tried to implement that in reality, and they stuck with real conditions situation, they feel disappointed when they need to look at it from a legal perspective, from those successful relationships, and one of these examples. So
one thing about marriage and relationship is, if you ask people about relationship, what exactly matters the most for them?
When it comes to relationship, it's about
how they approach them. How do you talk to them in good times? And even better? Even when we have difficult moments? How do you approach one another?
The issue of love the etiquette of approaching problems solving, you know, difficult, difficult issues as much as dealing with each other during beautiful times.
He had the best example, didn't he? Did
he say about him? So how was the other one, he spoke?
You are a highly exalted standard of care,
a lot of common words.
And you also had this beautiful standard of character and of love.
And I mentioned one of the photos as well. When people they were walking around the houses of the process of asking questions. These young men are asking, many we're asking about
how we behave at home. Why? Because usually, when we behave when we talk, when we deal with people may have to limit it to face
to face. Some people might have multiple faces. But the average you have to face is the public and the private. Public is that smiling, encouraging, you know, good, and so and so. And the private is serious, really the ones that you have to do your own closest circle, specifically your spouse or your children.
Unfortunately, that's how most people live with these two standards. Of course, you're not going to be the happiest unless you're genuine. Both but many people they have two standards. When it comes to law, civil law, people they wanted to know how is he inside the house? We know how he is outside, but inside out how is this other CPA so they went asked him
the answer they got from
such an amazing woman.
She told them she said, she said,
meaning, don't even don't even waste your time. Don't ask the question. Because
that means he's the way he's outside the way he's inside the house the way with his friends with his loved ones.
He has one standard of ethics. And once
he doesn't walk away, he doesn't change.
He's gentle with everybody. So what
was the elders with the children who
deal with his father his enemies. So a lot of them he was gentle, he was following the command of the parabola must
always respond to that which is
common, perhaps to whom you have hostility and empathy, they turn back to you. And
they say back to you, as the more friends and the best.
How many can afford to
only only those who persevere and patience can really achieve those who are truly patient.
And no one can achieve that unless they have
a great deal of goodness within themselves.
When it comes to a sort of oneness of life,
said the prophet SAW was
the best among you know, the best of their families. Why is that? Because when you go to family, and this is the inner circle, that's gonna come out
good with other people outside, that doesn't guarantee you're going to be good.
It doesn't guarantee that people
are the closest family and
their goal is to do the things
that happen in the house, they're going to be so good outside.
So don't just focus so much on the outside image. look of your inside image with your family, with your children, with your spouses, this is very important. And that's how you show them love. When it comes
when it comes to dealing with your spouse,
or their loved one time was asked by man
should I give her a marriage? If someone proposes
for parents specifically for the father, this is perhaps one of the scariest questions.
That's when a guy comes up.
For Business, some of them are culture. But the most important thing is just because just because he's my boss, and he knows how challenging manage could be. He knows himself. I mean, this was his online mother. So he makes you want to make sure that when his daughter is given a marriage, she's given to the person who deserves.
So this man comes to a house and says, to whom should I give my daughter a marriage? He told them, though, which may affect the love
that you give her to the person who will feel lost.
He doesn't say to the richest person in the world is going to be happy, right? perception and culture.
He didn't say give it to the most educated in terms of degrees and certification because they are the most educated and academically, very poorly educated, life skills.
He says is a
felony now in
a coma, because this man is he loves her. He will be so generous with what we carry.
What if he dislikes and this is a possibility might happen?
If he dislikes them,
he will never.
So we love very generous, generous with what generosity is generally not about just being generous, giving gifts and money is generous with time with effort with contribution to the relationship, being generous all together. And when he dislikes him, if he dislikes Him, He will never was never oppressed. Why is that? Because it feels a lot
than the culture more than his ego and the reputation and the fame among the elite. If there's a lot more, first and foremost, that is the best quality. And this is the thing that we see.
So when the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he lost his voice, he showed them, His love and His manner, and he's dealing with them.
One of the best qualities a wife would love to see from her husband is understanding.
And I asked him what exactly you want the most from your husband? Understanding I want him to understand, I want money from
me. Usually men, whenever they brag about what they're doing, or what they're sacrificing for their wives, they always tend to monitor things. While I'm doing all of this. She said, No, you're not doing it for us.
Because you want to feel good, that you're sacrificing something. And again, we keep saying it again and again, that family and children, they don't see you all these hours away for them. They only see away from them. And it's not necessarily what do they want from you. They just want quality time. And understanding is a key word here. I'm assuming what
was the most understanding, even as you mentioned many minutes in
one of these just beautiful gestures, one of these beautiful gestures. She said,
on Monday, he told her
it says, You know, I swear by lies. I know what exactly you're when you're happy with me. I know when you're unhappy
for her? How would you know that? If you asked anyone, she says, I wish my husband would recognize that. I wish he could understand that. He said, so.
What do you have to deal with would say,
even when they argue, she said, he said when even when you argue with him? He would say no.
That means it's a loving.
And when you're unhappy, you will say
no, by the logic of running his football. That's even when they are wishes to know I swear by the ultimate run it somehow even if you could understand if
she said something or he understand the message.
But how can you be such a man, you have to pay attention. You have to listen, that's one of the greatest qualities of Rasulullah.
He was a good listener. He was a great listener, and Javi Omidyar famous,
just really, it will take a few minutes, just to listen to an SD recycle. Imagine if you're this man listening to this story for me. And I know that the process of alasa perhaps she knew the story way before I was born.
But still what she was telling him the story about these women, and how they were you know that this family, their husbands, which one is the best husband, 10 women, they got
their husband, and they were talking about their qualities, and he is talking
about the qualities of the husbands if a man hears from his wife, that is why this is talking about qualities of a husband, what does he understand?
So what are you talking about? Is that a criticism?
So how you become judgmental right away immediately. But here's
man after the husband after the other husband.
And he's just sitting there quietly listening. And then when she finished,
didn't take this as a threat to his ego as a husband.
see all these things, many husbands, they get scared, but
he didn't say that. Instead, he took a very positive because he had very high self esteem and he was very confident. He's a very competent man.
So sort of sort of told her about
and I shall be like a busara. I'll show it to you. But
the rest of the time that she described, he said, I shall be like, This man wants to this one.
He remained quiet again, as he was talking about qualities of husbands one after the other one after the other.
So what I mean by this
remained quiet when she finished. He gave her good feedback
to miss out
Much better than every description she mentioned about this man. I was
was paying attention. And he was listening.
And has been complaining that they wanted to talk to
me. Everything happens around the house goes to them. And they.
And they want me to solve the problem. It says, Why don't you talk to my wife about that.
So that's just natural for them when they want to
And they talk to you for one simple reason. Supposedly, it's a tough love, but because they love you. And they know that you're the only one who can listen, without feeling hurt, because you're the one who's going to carry the burden. Here's my birth.
Not many husbands, unfortunately, they're not understanding. They don't they don't get the point. They think they're being judged. They've been criticized, they're being attacked, and mostly being harassed.
And immediately starts becoming defensive. And once you do that, you ruin the relationship.
He was this man humbled. So
even if there's one voice against them, which happened multiple times, Alma camp, well, they
didn't do anything about it was homomeric, divorce to the profit being getting too loud, that he has to voluntarily
Why would you do that?
He can do this. There was
another occasion that he can
situation, who was
and the father came to teach his daughter a lesson? How dare you raise your voice.
The robot was never offended by
maybe I haven't done anything wrong. But that's the way things are.
He was very confident. So
fortunately, many husbands don't have that security. And that confidence, and that's why they always feel threatened by any criticism that comes to them. And we have assumed
that you'd be a leader.
You're gonna be like shepherd, I mean, you're leaders in the house. And one of the qualities of leadership is to be strong,
and to be secure.
And other quality
is helping out and doing the thing that he can do.
He always was in the service.
Even before they even do,
that he used to fix his own shoe, he used to own garments, but a lot of money. And he was taking care of himself. So of
course, indeed, every husband would love this wife, also to be understanding, to be understanding and taking care of things for, for a courtesy. A mansion should also be helpful.
Unfortunately, many relationships really run so low on love. And they are together simply for some other reason. Some other practical is what I call that to the emotional divorce that happens between husband and wife.
So they live together, but they have this emotion of divorce completely disconnected from one another. They don't have that emotional connection. It's not impossible to reconnect. We just need to learn that. And the best source of education for us for life is the example.
That's what he said some of
the best for my family, as it is telling us learn from me, learn from the experts.
And he says,
Have inhabitants of a loved one it will serve them in saying that this is the best guidance
and assistance received today. I really commend and highly recommend before you can start asking the question that you teach them in a nice and gentle way. But the ideal, the real ideal about love
before they fall into the trap of
just teach them what is real and what to expect from reality and the relationship
of the money
My dear brothers and sisters, when it comes to love, love is not just romantic love, there are different different types of love. And one of these things that we have been encouraged and ordered and command as Muslim oma is to love one another.
To love one another, as a community as a matter of fact, is part of your Eman.
Your true believer
until you love for your brothers and sisters, once you love yourself.
So even as we talk about this romantic love, listen, the last person was mentioning the air force between strangers.
But focusing on the community, in this country, whatever you love yourself, you should love it for your brothers and sisters. And I would like you to dimension two things specifically
for brothers and sisters, number one, for brothers, their ici. They're having a fundraising gala on the 16th of this month. So they're having their fundraising basically very soon as next week. And they need the support of the community. We as a Muslim community would love to be successful, I would love to be cherished and maintained and taken care of. And I'm sure that if we support one another, that will become all strong communities. And
so bottom showing love to one another is that we support one another, to support your brothers and sisters in the community. When it comes to their fundraising, I want us to be active
Also, on an international level, one of the greatest crises of our time today I know there are many classes around the world. But one of these most horrific human classes will was tuition to see
not just the people that are dying every single day because it's chilling and bombing by a vicious regime.
They'll be hosted by international communities, but with very poor standards, people are dying of starvation. They're dying our weather conditions, things you can't even imagine that would affect
me, how could you even enjoy your life? When you know that there are so many people out there we're talking about hundreds of 1000s of does not about 10 to 20 30,000 people, hundreds of 1000s of refugees and surrounding countries
are dying of starvation. They're dying of health conditions that can be
done because they don't have the proper medication and care for themselves.
So part of us as a community that we are not true believers to love one another that you care for them.
This Sunday, that's after tomorrow champion lived and conducted their fundraising as well. And I want you to make sure to also be part of this support and telephone panel with Donna
in the candidate it
Yes, yeah. You're