Channel: Yaser Birjas
The Elephant in the Community: Domestic Abuse
In this talk Sheikh Yaser addresses the topic that very few wants to discuss which is Domestic Abuse/Violence in the community and in the world today.
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wakulla, Moroccan VEDA, acaba de la la la, la la la la la, la,
la la de la, Maddy brothers and sisters, domestic abuse,
or domestic violence.
It's the elephant in the room, in the house, in the masjid, and the community everywhere, not so many people feel comfortable talking about when it comes to very private personal matter.
It's a serious issue in the community, a serious issue in the world.
Just because we don't have statistics in the Muslim community, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It does exist.
And it happens. I don't want to say it's something that's very popular or becoming mainstream or below. But it does happen. And one incident of itself is considered bad and wrong,
would come to domestic violence. It cannot be tolerated. no justification whatsoever.
No excuse regardless how much you think you're right, will justify a behavior of such magnitude such as domestic abuse and domestic violence. When it comes to domestic violence or domestic abuse. It goes more than just physical abuse. I know some might say and hamdulillah. I've never, never touched my children, or my spouse never actually harmed them in that way physically. What about emotionally?
What about verbal abuse? The taunting that belittling? The always speaking bad about each other? How about that, as considered also abuse? Now, I know when we think of domestic abuse, we all think of just a relationship between a husband and wife,
or about between parents and their children,
adult children and their older parents right now. How about the endless
when it comes to all of this as we live in one single house, one house or one even family, it also counts as domestic abuse, and as absolutely wrong, shouldn't be tolerated at all. In the national statistics, there is an average in America, there are nearly 20, almost a 20 people per minute, they become subjects of domestic abuse.
And if you put that around the year, with that, in terms of bigger numbers, you're talking about tellement 10 million people, men and women, one in five women, one in seven men, they become subject of abuse. And Subhanallah, we thought that this is just another mistake level means personal level. But that becomes easier when it becomes now of people of authority.
People supposed to be responsible for taking care of the community, taking care of the society. But when you hear that, when you hear something like this happening from people who are now running for president, such as Donald Trump, and the recent revelations of that videotape, and him bragging about a sexual assault incident, what is so sad as as people they came to defend him saying it just you know, it's a locker room conversation and this and that, you know, what if it was just fantasizing, I accept that fine.
Boy stalker like boy stuff. But when it comes right down about an actual incident, of sexual assault, now, that's abuse. Not just physical abuse, that's abuse of authority, abuse of power, abuse of privilege, abuser, whatever you can think of, it's all abused. When someone comes in a position like this definitely needs to be highlighted. What is so dangerous about that? The dangerous thing about it when people come in out and try to defend the position man have in that position, in a situation like this, that actually is called permission given.
When women come out defending Trump regardless, and they given the excuse the benefit of doubt, yeah, that was just a locker room, you know, talk and this and that and so on that because permission givers
they gave me permission to other people. You know what, if
People have such authority, celebrity and so on, they can say that and get away with it because it's just a locker room talk, even though it was an actual incident, an actual physical incident, then why not? Can I do it and get away with it?
When we talk when we bring this up in the media, where our young men and women, our young brothers and sisters, our children, teenagers, when they listen to this, when they watch the house, the people defend a statement like that, from someone who's such a power and authority that possibly becoming the president of United States. Can you imagine this? What is the message that we send it to our young brothers and sisters, we're saying the message to the girls to be much more vulnerable. And to the boys permission being given to them, that they can talk, they can assault they can say, and if it just some that you can get away with, they'll be it.
And that's why again, would come to domestic abuse. And domestic violence seems that many people they just do it and they keep quiet about it. This is the elephant in the community. No one likes to talk about a subject like this. And I'm sure I'm speaking about the subject. A lot of us here in this Masjid already feeling uncomfortable about it.
Probably some of us would say, well, maybe he's talking about me. I wonder who told him?
How did he know about it? How did he do that? I'm not talking about you in person. I'm talking about each and every incident that happens in the world. And for us, specifically, the Muslims. It matters to us a lot. Why? Because we hold ourselves to a higher standard of character when it comes to interpersonal relationships specifically with our beloved ones, and where we're getting that from, within that from our associate, Allahu alayhi wa sallam, our beloved messenger. So that was the law he was Salam O Allah. See, before I talk about the additive, the profits or loss, and let me talk about most of the people who come to me when they discuss subject to, you know, when they have
issues with their spouses or their families. And I know that many of us they think that you know what, when it comes to domestic abuse, it's only the man is the one who's assailant and the woman is the victim, which is true for the most part. But there was also high arise action incidents when the man becomes the victim. And the lady is now becoming the assailant. Why? Obviously, because again, in a society that has given so much support to women cases, and so forth, men sometimes be vulnerable in marriage.
And they become victimized because of that. That's why probably not give him the excuse. But that's the reality of things as we see today. So what a man excuse why people they come out and they say, you know what, I've done it because she made me angry, and I just did it.
She made me angry, or he drove me crazy. He made me angry. So I threw that at him, for example.
That's excuse he she made me angry. We make anger an excuse for misbehaving. People don't understand. There's a big difference between anger as an emotion
and acting angry as a behavior. You see, when it comes to getting angry, you can get angry as much as you want. I'll give you that permission. get angry. That's fine, as long as the cause is actually legitimate, legitimate cause even the Messenger of Allah salla loss anger angry, the Sahaba used to say can I
only follow the movie watch it when the prophets Allah Sam gets angry You can tell in his face that he's angry. Can an Alpha Kappa g hubiera man, it just like this splash the juicy pomegranates in his face sallallahu wasallam you can tell he's angry because usually he is smiling. However, is there any report any Hadees that you see up here in the books of Hadith where the prophet SAW Allah said and acted upon this anger in a way that is considered offensive.
Find a hadith where the prophet SAW some use this anger to abuse somebody saw what the law was Ramana you won't find any. Because the prophet SAW some he separated between his emotion when he's angry and be acting upon this anger Salawat to LA he was the family and that is where the highest standard of character comes in. To prevent an incident from this from happening. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he used to say Coca Cola Coca Cola the best amongst the best of their families. And he says I am the best of my family. Like take my example. I am the best of my family salatu wa salam ala
rasulillah salam wa sallam he told us he says this a shih tzu Sora. A strong person is not the one who's stronger wrestling. That doesn't make you strong.
That doesn't make you strong. What makes you song he said sobre la sala de la top is the one who controls himself, restrains his anger. When you're in a fit of rage, that's when you're angry. That's when you've been very strong and powerful. As a matter of fact, when someone enrages you someone puts you in a position you become vulnerable to get angry and you get angry. And you start acting upon this anger in a very, very negative way people to look at that maybe taking pictures and videos of that. When you see this. No one
be surprised. No one is surprised for someone getting angry when they're supposed to get angry. But when people talk about someone being surprised for someone being powerful is when they know that this person needs to get angry. But they hold their anger they control themselves. That's when they say wow.
Like they start talking about how strong you know how much nerves you had that you were holding your tights upon a position like this, if I were in your position, I would have done this and that and they explained how they themselves they let that anger come out in a misbehavior or for a person to hold his anger. That is power. That's what the professor Sam was talking about. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam were even with the children. He never got upset.
He never got upset with kids and his own household, such as anisopliae lavon Hardiman, there was a sermon. And when Anna's came to his house seven the profits lesson was 10 years old. By the time the Prophet passed away, it was already 20 which means you're talking about all this useful life and the service of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And throughout these 10 years, which is in our time, probably maybe the most, the most irritating years of raising your children, when they're teenagers. Now Rasulullah hasta la Santa Ana speak about a messenger of Allah He said, Allah ma la kita nebia salam salam, ala taba Moto G, I've never seen the prophets of Allah Salam when I met him, but he was
smiling in my face.
But he smiles right away.
And he says the prophets are semi never hidden. He never abused him. Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam with Anna's even as he says that the prophets are never even school scold me for not fulfilling requests, he asked for me, or for something he said not to do. Why haven't done that for him.
He would never complain throughout the last ceremony one of these incidents and as he said, the proper request is for me to go somewhere. And when I left, you know, as a child, he saw some other kids playing in the streets. So he stopped to look at what they're doing. And then slowly and gradually find himself joining the game.
And then he suddenly as he was sitting down there, it said, suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, around his neck. And he said, I looked up and it was Rasulullah sallallahu ala. And the massive smile on his face. He goes, where did I send you?
Because right now, I'll do it now. And he left right away.
But as you can see, I mean, he could have gotten angry and upset with him. Because send him a message that is so powerful that what scared this kid. Instead his smile in his face is what did I send you?
Sit down we'll do it for years.
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was the most merciful. And that's what Allah had described him in the Quran Rahmatullah Allah mean mercy to the world. So that was the law. He was the Romani. And even when the prophet SAW some get upset with his family, when the Prophet got upset with his wife, for demanding so much like many people, they say she made me angry. And that's why they reacted in the way that they will regret afterwards. But even when the prophet SAW some, at some point, he was unable to bear all the demands he was getting from his wife to regard to financial and more more money and this and that and so on a proper was kind of like tell him this is
not my money. This is for the people, I can't give you more, you got your shirt. That's it. Of course, they want to have some more to improve the conditions and the purposes that's what I have for you. When he got so upset with themselves about the last ceremony, he didn't go around, you know, just beating his family and hitting them here and there. No, instead he just took a break. So that's it. I'll leave. I'm gonna leave for now.
I left him for a month. When I say left him, didn't he leave them physically meaning he disappeared and vanished from the world? No, he was there and the left above the room of Irish and Irish and he was there. She used to see him and hear him when he comes into the masjid and leaving and deleting salon dealing with the people and he used to make sure he checks on his family that they're doing well and they fine. He was still there. So
we're just gonna take a break from all of this until Allah subhanho wa Taala Alison are an independent of the prophets of Allah Allah wa sallam for him. So a lot of laws that Imani how to deal with the situation, when you give them the choice they want to stay with you is how it is how your life is gonna be. But if they would like to have the luxury of this world on this life, you will give them as much as they want, but they're gonna leave you.
But again, the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he never abused his authority. He never abused his position. He never abused the privilege that was given to him a big the great messenger of Allah the leader of the oma, he would never abused that salata law he was that Ahmadi. And that's why there is no permission given to anybody on acting like this and this behavior. Some people might say, what about the iron saltiness of
the iron curtain is that that might be about discipline your household, which is a very famous answer to Mr. Number 34. This Apollo, even this ayah is being misquoted by many people for generations. Why is that because
A lot of the people they say was there in the Quran. But so until this day, I haven't seen any man or even any woman, as a matter of fact, I haven't seen someone who acted violently in the house, who would come to me said, I've done it because Allah said, so I haven't seen that yet.
When I asked him, I said, Well, she made me angry, he made me angry.
And then they tried to find some sort of piece of the can code. And I also had a tourist Emma from Ireland here. And
even though I and the foreign doesn't justify that for you, because the one who received this never, never showed them to potential this in a way that people they actually try to do.
So again, we look back at the life of the Prophet sallallahu, Alayhi, wasallam. And we find the best example, as you know, this is the month of domestic violence awareness, actually. So therefore, we would like for the community to be aware of this as well. I know it's very hard to speak about it. It's a it's a very sensitive subject. It's very, very personal. But I know that a lot of brothers and sisters are suffering and agonizing in kind of like silence. Why is that because they feel they're alone. They are on their own. That's what they feel. And if they continue with that feeling, I guarantee you, it will start hitting every now and then another case of divorce happening here and
there. Why because no one wants to come out and speak about this issue.
My advice to my dear brothers and sisters, is that Allah subhanho wa Taala commands us in the same surah in the same way afterwards. uncertainness Baba to hackmann Minnelli wahaca mineralia that coming out, and speaking about it to arbitrators,
in your family, if couldn't then through counselors in order to improve the quality of your marriage, because that's your life will lie. That's the assets that you have in this dunya your family, your children, Allah azza wa jal says Allah, Allah will balloon Xena to hire to dunya that children wealth that are dormant of this life.
A lot of people, they become so selfish with themselves and their relationship to the extent that they all care about their own happens. And they care about their own rights in the relationship. When it comes to marriage, when it comes to dealing with each other. It's not just about taking your rights, but also given your obligations.
When it comes to dealing with your spouse, stop looking for justice.
Because justice even though it's what you deserve.
But what you deserve to be actually is better than that. Justice can only bring your heart that's all
but wouldn't bring you a piece. What's going to be in your piece is that you learn to show patience, and forgive one another. That's what Allah Subhana Allah mentioned to us, Allah azza wa jal says, Well, I'm on sobre la for another common asthma, no more. Nadella common asthma, moolah, man sobre, la vaca. For that, if you show patience, and you forgive, this is a sign of asmall mode, which means strong resolve. But what does it mean? What's the essence of that? Who are the people that we know? Who has the strongest resolve? You can think of Colombia, the prophets, the messengers, can you imagine the kind of abuse they had to go through? Can you imagine?
Can you imagine the treatment they had from their people? What did they do? He could have retaliated instead of rotations, and they kept forgiving. Why? Because they want to always be the best. And the law says this is the attitude of the NBA and the mausoleum.
Now, this is not a justification for the victim to just stay in silence and suffer. No, we're not saying that. We're not saying to be quiet and just forgive and move on. Your safety comes first all the time. And therefore you're going to have to bring it up again, like Allah commands you. So how can you How can you bring it out, talk to people, talk to those who can benefit you, counselors, leaders, those are professionals in the field, talk to them. If you couldn't find help from your own community, then look out look out there for those who can help you shout out to Barack Obama. And I really commend and highly recommend for the brothers and sisters in this month. And this time, as we
hear all these things coming from, again, from a position of authority in this society, someone speak about us, and everybody's defending them for what they've said, please make sure to talk to your children and take your European on the subject, educate them, let them know that there is no justification for anything like that. That kind of abuse of authority is not a justification for you is not a permission for people for the boys in particular, to behave and act like this towards the girls and their future wives and so forth. Talk to them, and make sure that we all uphold ourselves for a standards very high, and that's the standard Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mighty
brothers and sisters.
The slogan of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam is in terms of farming
Family Life is hydrocone
one of the best among all of you are those of better their families. And I am the best of my family. Make sure they memorize that statement of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam and make this statement that you live by in your family life with your parents, with your children, with your spouse, and your in laws and those who are around you. akula Cody had our soft rollout in Morocco with salmon similar stuff through pinnawela for Rahim.
Alhamdulillah horrible and I mean, so Allah wa salam vara kind of you know, Muhammad Ali was seldom at the Sleeman kathira Mama, but mighty brothers and sisters, I know, my experience in dealing with this field for so long, that a lot of us over here, even after listening to all of this, they'll have in their back of their mind one single statement to refute this whole football. If you don't know my wife,
or you don't know my husband, I know it, it's there in the back of your mind, if you're in my position, you will do differently. I don't want to be in your position.
And you don't want to be in my position, either. I'm a human being, after all. But I want you and me to be in the position of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam, when dealing with other people. So please don't justify this to yourself.
And don't blame other person for that.
Display no one but yourself. But on the Day of Judgment, you're going to be standing before Allah subhana wa Taala. And you are going to be answering this question.
Now what is going to be around you to defend you, except for your own actions. And make sure that your actions will be something to be proud of, specifically in this field, also want to, you know, kind of bringing attention to now that we live in a world unfortunately, becoming much more violent, as we see in the Middle East. What's happening in Syria, happening in Iraq, happening in Myanmar, other places in the world, the lungs done in Kashmir. A lot of victims right now, now becoming hopeless and helpless women children, subject to also domestic abuse and abuse on a state level. That is very serious.
Here for us, at least in Dallas, we have a lot of refugees coming from Syria,
and events happening almost every weekend, just to make sure to assure these the people that our guests when they come to our community, they've been taken care of. I would like to request from the brothers and sisters to make sure that you guys you lead them and guide them to that which is best for them. And as Danny and Arthur please, if Allah entrusted you with taken care of, of the refugees, or if you had a we had an opportunity to help and serve these refugees, make sure you do the best for them in the dunya. And
don't take advantage of them. And make sure not allow anyone to take advantage of them. You know, one of the worst things that happened, the whole mood and the whole actually, drama of Donald Trump and his and his
bus conversation and so on. It wasn't a statement of of Trump himself, that was really the most disgusting thing. It's the bystanders, those who were listening and gave him the permission even and pushing even to hug the woman and all that stuff. And so those are the most evildoers.
instead of stopping a behavior like this, they're encouraging. It's unfortunate.
So when we when we go around, we listen to someone speak in that language, that kind of attitude. Please, don't be the worst of the two. Make sure that they stop this behavior. Aluminum, aluminum and fana when finally Montana in a country lallemand Hakeem Allah Martin fusina taqwa humans aka Antonio hom Allah, Allah Allah mallacoota saloon Allah Nabhi alladhina amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam Moses Lima, la masala wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Allah
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