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Respectful Relationships

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Yahya Ibrahim

Channel: Yahya Ibrahim

Episode Notes

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Episode Transcript

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Once again instead of wanting to walk or whatever,

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maybe we'll try

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to do

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a lot more.

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haven't

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always the beginning of the grief of a lot we sent our fingers a piece upon our

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we justify, with firmness and conviction that none is really worship of love that

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is is worshipping the slave and find the messenger, I always remind myself and

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your children of

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the last time and Harrington myself and you enough to find out life more so than what we seek to show each other publicly.

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That we have a greater love for Allah

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to Allah, and His mercy. And I pray that we also keep an eye for those who are fortunate to receive.

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So

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it's a pleasure.

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Today, I know it's seven o'clock on a Friday, it's a little bit cold. But it's a beautiful occasion whenever we got together to think about

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his way of life. And I don't want you to think of this word soon as you know, something technical or, you know, religious law alone, I want you to think of it as a habit, what the prophets, I said that he said, active and read aloud permitted, when you allow it to be done in front of him and being objective. All of these are things that were considered to be not that obvious.

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And to cut to the issue of chopped off. Last time we make a discussion about the dynamics of leadership, and how to believe that we are leaders and custodians.

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Today I spoke to our principal

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overview are responsible for something and all of you have been given that responsibility by the House of Allah, and along with questions about

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today is a second part of it. And just if you follow me on the screen behind me, I want you to know that this is part of a series that I do, and the series is

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related to

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the series is related to Islamic intimacy, and it's an Islamic intimacy course. That's really the premise behind it. And when I talk about intimacy, I don't want you to confuse it as being something that sexual intimacy is that between you and another person, there is something that other people don't have.

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Between my wife and I, there's something nobody else has, between my daughter and I, there's something nobody else has a relationship that I have built with her with my family that nobody else has previously, nobody else can share with you. And this is a really important concept for us as Muslims, to understand that our basis of relationships and how we pursue, to love and to share with each other is not just left for us to design. It was taught to us by

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the love

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and the love does that have the ultimate objectives for you and I to come together to bring a new family into the world

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that defines who you with one another? We find tranquility. So when you ask me now it is

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weird.

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It's weird time.

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Where do you find breaths repose? tranquility.

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So I say

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it seems strange.

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It really has to do with lasers. I don't know.

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Gordon's agenda

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is the basis of what you will not see for our families for now.

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Our children, you want our children

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to grow up in a home way there is greater love that they experience than anything else.

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So I begin by asking you to look up at the screen my family, I want you to think of your favorite, all of us who have different sizes, is full of different families

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of families that are broken families by today's segment, Ibrahim, you might consider him as they say wrong roughly an absent father. He wasn't there to raise this money. You have people today we will look at the narrative not understanding the meaning. They will say what kind of man leaves his family in the desert.

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He climbed up a mountain

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way here in the atmosphere. Now I'm gonna go up and see that fire

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behind

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noon, and he said, Ah, a lot says gives us the example of profit of a man who lives with a wretched woman

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who disobeyed the law condemned to a life of of eternal damnation.

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Newman,

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they will

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walk you through an example of the most despicable of human beings

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in

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the wake of Pharaoh's

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juxtaposed position that will lead you to the worst of men with the best of women, a woman that will be so pure that in general, we are told by the enemies I sent them that you will be the wife of hospital law. So

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you see the example of a single mother.

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In the mother of Rizal, he said a fearful entering into a season where people are going to accuse her of seeing

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you see the example of brother,

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children and

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grandchildren of a prophet grandchildren of Ibrahim.

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Imagine, like there's no chain of narration, there is no greater family link than this. The children of Jaco who is the son of his son of the branch manager, what do they do, they hate their brother so much,

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that they almost killed him.

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And it wasn't for just one of them who said,

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Don't kill him,

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or get amount of our family, throw them in a will get

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people from a camera, we'll take them far away.

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All of those are families. I want you to think of your family whenever your family is constructed, as everyone loves you so many constructed families so that you and I have an example of every type of family that we could ever imagine. And

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what's great. And if you can make a list tonight, you go home, if you can make a list now, what what's the best thing that your family has?

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And I can tell you, you're not going to begin by saying we're rich.

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You know, we have a nice car.

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Our mortgage is almost paid. That's not the first thing that's gonna come to your mind. What's great about your family, what do you lie

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about your children about your wife, but your father, your mother, your brothers, your sisters, your implants, your mother in law,

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the dragon?

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What do you

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and at the same time?

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Hold on? What needs improvement?

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What What do we need to change?

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And I want you to keep those two thoughts, the best

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and second to the best.

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Hope that you're here for these particular reasons. These are some of the reasons that came to mind I wanted to also

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I want you to ask yourself, why do you want to listen and hear discussions that relate to payments? Why is it that most people will come and will say to me?

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No, my son is getting to talk to my son.

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Nobody ever comes in says talk to me about my son. Never. I will never learn from them.

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My son is giving me a tough time what's wrong with me?

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Can you help him

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What am I doing wrong? It's one of the problems I have. I have some of

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the people I have to turn to when asked

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what are you thinking? What's your definition of successful?

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Is your family successful? Some of us Mashallah.

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Mashallah.

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And then the door gets locked. And you're inside.

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Successful families successful home successful cars, successful, successful professional, successful education successful bought,

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but

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in other ways, unsuccessful?

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And what is my goal? For the famous article?

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And it might be different here for Kenny, my

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first

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thing

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What am I right? But more importantly, what am I obligated

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to provide?

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what is owed to me? And what do I believe?

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So I mentioned today that when we begin, this is actually the first part of a four part series that I teach. So I teach this program, it's four parts. And it's about getting into learning how to love our

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gratitude.

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Why is it important?

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Because a lot wants you to establish that in my life, and you would like to find a way to grow in that way. Also, Tyler wants us to follow the two of

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you know, one of the most beautiful

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she says

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What do you miss the most?

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What? What would your wife miss the most about that question?

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So obviously, she says can

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either send them whenever they

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decide me early, he made a big

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mistake. What ends up haha

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via they put his fingers in.

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That's the thing I miss the most about.

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Then when he would stick with me, he would sit next to me and hold my hand. So

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why is it important?

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It's a trust. Noblesville kind of like that I like to say this word Khalifa in a genre. In

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this earth meeting,

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you're gonna leave one generation to be respectful of the one that comes out that you're going to leave the world in a way that the next generation will prosper better than you prosper. And of course, when you do withdraw the magnitude of

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the ruling what I mentioned you to maintain

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what the public safety is half of the game, that when we do the payment, how does it have the lady that when I say I accept my wife, I accept the responsibility for family. How is it that only by uttering that word taking someone in wedlock that I can complete half

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of my team?

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It is key to gentleman and that's why you hear the word of the month. I certainly would say to some of the young people who would say I wonder your father mother

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is not all mothers.

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It's a long way.

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All the public pointing to certain mothers because there's some mothers

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that's the reality. Other mothers you find two gentlemen, gentlemen.

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Right.

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The key to paradise, the elders. And when we came in the middle door of the door, your father, your mother, the

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righteous woman, if she prays five times a day, if she completes her car and she's able if she devoted to her husband, gentlemen,

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he said to me, Jennifer, many do you want

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it is the number

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This position

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is

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a lot more intended for you and I to have families and companions, you know, we never even a messenger as well, except that they had wives and children.

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He When we returned peace and blessings be upon him, he will merely from that moment

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he will have our our

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question of course is why do you think it's tougher?

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Sometimes personal issues, somebody entered into a marriage. They have personal problems that came

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unfulfilled love story. Love strategies.

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Oh, the ones we get

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a sister.

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You need to help me convince my father.

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You need to convince your father. How did you find

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out?

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Romeo and Juliet forget about you're gonna write books about us.

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As we use them,

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and it's uncomfortable. You had a dream. And what Luther King is, he's not. There's no fulfillment.

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There's also negative and the reason we're staying together is for the wrong reason. Sometimes people that hold on to a failed relationship that they should have jumped out of the car a long time ago. It's a train wreck. And you need to save your life.

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I know it's hard to do that. But that's

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the worst. But it is

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Mississippi. In fact, another times becomes

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compulsory for some.

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There's also emotional deaths.

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Sometimes we feel hostage, or by giving so much I think we're back. Or I said to my family that he is the one she is the one

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that helped me he wasn't. They're gonna say we told you. Why didn't you listen to people stay in places that they shouldn't be?

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There is

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sporky you did this. So

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you forgot this so I can forget this. I made this mistake but you did worse.

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Loss of trust. And it's very difficult. Trust takes time. It is lost instantly.

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As a child you can use it as a father you can lose it to your children. Your children lose trust. Look at

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the children with you

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in the lab.

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me see if I maybe I can bring back he doesn't say away. Why? Because if he promised something you're not sure you can deliver. You're going to meet in yourself the rest of your life. Oh, give me the money for investing your money.

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I

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don't promise

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that she finally megalin

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people

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they have love for you so much that they want to destroy

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some people were

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to help him ruin your own relationship. Now what?

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three critical mistakes.

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And I know it sounds really negative.

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Because the purpose of allottee I want you to understand that is not just to do what's good, but also to know what is not good for your love. I know a lot he says Kevin.

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On the show. I only asked him about

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what's the worst thing what's the worst case scenario.

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Three critical mistakes that social scientists, Islamic scholars, psychologists, family workers, teachers will tell you renewing

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and this order to what should be harmonious harmony and support

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First,

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look at what the law says to the province of the law.

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I was

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wondering

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if you were sharp tongue,

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you were prone to just every time you see something, you give it, you give it to them, you let them know what they're doing wrong.

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Your heart could not forgive you other than

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those who have adversity now.

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You know,

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can you imagine

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that these people would turn their back and

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you can't imagine. But

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if your tongue was sharp,

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if you create the size they are today. And if you can't forgive me, the one who made a mistake, they would leave you some a lot of money.

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Number two, blaming

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and blaming. Anything that goes wrong in our relationships in our children in our households in our families,

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is one of those things that erode a person's sense of pride. And

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one of the programs that I do with your children.

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I'm just going to exit

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is a program called drug proof.

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Now,

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drug COVID, is a program from Cleveland to actually send that message of the week on predicted that if you have anything in high school,

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this is what social scientists kind of telling you are the steps that lead to a person smoking weed taking out and I want you to know that in this society. In Australia, the government doesn't really have a problem with people medicating themselves because it takes worries away. It's very profitable, that you have one in every three car accidents is due to alcohol. It's very common.

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I'll show you those statistics. This is for the Department of Health

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30% of productions alcohol, only 4% of

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alcohol 35% of people who felt that they needed help with alcohol

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leave leaving 60% of all crime that was reported outcome of 65% of all serious assaults, alcohol, 65% of minors have alcohol.

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340,000 people were hospitalized in 2016 for no other reason than alcohol, meaning 1000 people took up a bed in a hospital for no other reason than alcohol.

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But why?

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Why have we been deregulated when we know that it is a cause? a leading cause of psychosis? People that smoke it, it leads them into psychosis. Why? Why are certain mechanisms in place?

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different people in different times to have a medicated society. And you as a Muslim, one of the things your children will be assaulted with I and my children will be assaulted, which is the proliferation of

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our

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work. Our staff work incredibly hard to keep a preschooler

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lucky that I considered a Jihad to try to bring our children because you're suddenly going to go to work became a prisoner.

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In the break smoke, the smoke in other places, it's it's easier and cheaper to find weed than it is for a young person to get a cigarette

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$30 a pack for cigarettes and you can get me for a nickel bag. $5 little bag is

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the major issue for those of you who have older children.

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It's not a joke, and I feel your pain and it's a pain that we all share.

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But what's the number one indicator?

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That's the first step. So when your child feels disconnected that they haven't bonded with you, as a father haven't bonded, in particular a father and have been bonded with you as a mother. What your reaction is, is one of two things you actually become too harsh. So you become like a helicopter. You stand over your son

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Everything they do you criticize and you blame, your schoolwork, your friends, your your hair, your clothes, your music, your TV, your PlayStation, every single thing. So the only reaction that they can have is unproductive. So the mood

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and the feeling I'm working with, and the only way that my parents love me is I want to perform what they want. So if I do something they want my parents,

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if I don't, and I can, I can, like my sister can get it.

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I get them right around like my cousin. But

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I don't want to, you know, do the same thing because a lot of people do, but I have a different kind of.

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So the moral of

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love is based on performance. So the first person, the first person who shows me love and doesn't ask anything in return, it makes me think they love me.

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That's why a lot of young girls do incredibly silly things with an older boy who shows him a little bit of attention.

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She feels that he loves me in a way other people he understands me in a way that people don't understand. And he listened to me in a way other people don't listen. So I sit with your kids in a comfortable focus in Islamic Studies class. I don't even think we talked about.

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But I'm really good.

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At it does come later. It does come.

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But what's the key the turning point? children whose parents have you know, difficulty with

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self esteem become drug addict? The turning point is the peer pressure. Why am I dressed like this today?

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You guys can really see what I'm like, carrying cargo pants, cuz I want the kids to like

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all the young ones they need to see.

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Especially with

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some purpose.

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Why do I dress like this? Sadly, some of us we believe that the way you wear, how you dress.

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The only way you're respected. It's peer pressure, you're like us, I have to I can't just come with a pair of jeans.

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All of us have a pressure you

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have your pressure. Your children have peer pressure. And the question is, who will there appears to be. And that's one of the reasons.

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That's why one of the reasons they're mine.

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And if I have your children, and my children and your children are not good enough, and even my children, or my children are not good enough to be here during the war,

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because here pressure is reading.

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And from that

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is where a person tries.

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You might not know this, I see some young people by court order. So the court orders to see me as a counselor, none of the drug counter. But as a spiritual mentor, they say, you know, we know that you do youth work, this kid is going to go to prison for two years unless you take them on to two hours every week, every other week. And so on

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the monsoon season.

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Some of them are former students from other places, some of them from our massage, and so on. There's none of them who don't have a drum machine. Every single taylorism case that has been prosecuted or brought to trial or a person has been charged with it. Every single one of those young people have marijuana as one of their

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profile cases, either.

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So reality in front of reality that is usually shared with our community, as much as it should be.

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Criticism blaming makes your son or your daughter right

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with the wrong person

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to show them love

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and find them.

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So

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this is where you just shut someone down. And it's like,

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if you don't be quiet a lot.

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I surrounded by great people around

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that you have no opportunity to share your feelings and what you feel or what you believe about the reality of a particular case or moment in time.

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So let's get more positive. And

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let's talk about the good things that we want to see.

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So I want my family to become more functional. And I want you to understand that not because I speak to you about this, that you should assume that I perfected this.

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Don't look at me so much.

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You're my son gets in detention like yourself,

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I have to tell my boy, my daughter

00:30:32--> 00:30:38

is assuming that the law, right, so not because I speak to you about it. And nobody

00:30:39--> 00:30:47

ever stands in front of you, as an expert to speak to you in a place of authority, that you assume that they've completed it in their mind

00:30:48--> 00:30:49

after

00:30:51--> 00:30:51

that,

00:30:53--> 00:30:54

and nobody has a

00:30:55--> 00:30:57

piece of wood blessings be upon.

00:30:58--> 00:31:07

So look at number one, what's the number one sign that your household your family is functioning

00:31:08--> 00:31:11

as a Muslim, is that you have a relationship to the left.

00:31:13--> 00:31:15

And look at the word with different amount

00:31:17--> 00:31:18

of love.

00:31:20--> 00:31:26

If you can fix your relationship with a lot, a lot will help you fix your relationship with other people.

00:31:28--> 00:31:42

Sometimes, you know, when my wife looks at me, she's not upset with me only because of me, she's upset with me because he loves her and her heart for me. There's something because a lot of times Allah is the one who turned to heart is one of the most beautiful rewiring.

00:31:47--> 00:31:50

When he was around, he got scared and

00:31:55--> 00:32:00

moves when he stood in front of it. He became petrified inside himself.

00:32:02--> 00:32:04

So most of the young who said

00:32:08--> 00:32:11

he said Don't be scared because his heart is in my head.

00:32:16--> 00:32:31

And almost tells us that you know, he stood there. And he looks at Moosa, a person who's a wanted criminal, falsely accused of murder, a person who is insignificant, no armor, no government, no backing for him, and

00:32:38--> 00:32:38

anybody else.

00:32:40--> 00:32:42

Put him away. I never want to see him again. Think about it.

00:32:44--> 00:32:45

But Allah says,

00:32:51--> 00:32:51

Allah

00:32:54--> 00:33:03

when Allah loves you and loves your family, even with your mistakes, when you have a relationship with Allah, Allah shrouds with his love.

00:33:05--> 00:33:10

His love upon you protect your home protects your children, in a way who can protect them.

00:33:12--> 00:33:18

And the first step is that relationship to the law, rectify the relationship with the law.

00:33:22--> 00:33:25

Blue, hold all of you together, to

00:33:32--> 00:33:35

make that a part of your life. Your family

00:33:36--> 00:33:41

isn't just something read, but it's me. It's not just something forced upon me and you

00:33:43--> 00:33:54

read it and don't understand its purpose is that it becomes a lifeline. The word rope is insignificant. Hold on to the lifeline that is given to you from a lot.

00:33:57--> 00:34:27

Loving for a higher purpose becomes the key to a successful household, a key to successful marriage, that the love that we have with each other must go past the things we appreciate each other, that my children must love me not just because I give them food and a roof and the clothing on their back. They must love me because I provide for them the things they want. That if if those things weren't even for me that they would forget me that are not as important.

00:34:28--> 00:34:36

My husband, my wife, you know, you can't have that that is the major robot. You're not the ATM.

00:34:39--> 00:34:44

But it must be one where there's a reciprocation and that love is something

00:34:46--> 00:34:51

it's a higher purpose. The greatest act of mine myself and you is

00:34:52--> 00:34:57

is that we love each other for a long time. And I remember you know,

00:34:58--> 00:34:58

from my chest

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

He is one of the seniors.

00:35:04--> 00:35:05

And I was studying with him.

00:35:09--> 00:35:11

He said to me, what do you understand?

00:35:12--> 00:35:13

I said,

00:35:15--> 00:35:22

because all of that is correct. He said he wants you to love someone who wants you to love them when they're unlovable

00:35:25--> 00:35:35

is when your son, your daughter, your husband, your wife has done something that turns your heart to rock for a job, I shouldn't do.

00:35:36--> 00:35:37

That.

00:35:38--> 00:35:40

bra at that moment,

00:35:42--> 00:35:50

is that way he's asking you, when German law becomes compulsory, for those who love each other, for no other reason.

00:35:52--> 00:35:58

If there was any love was not a part of our life, I would hate you. Because

00:36:00--> 00:36:04

there's nothing I have to give you, when other people would number

00:36:06--> 00:36:16

number two from a functional functional family is that they seek personal development. There's always something you want to

00:36:18--> 00:36:25

achieve. You're not stagnating, there is either an educational pursuit, there's a savings plan.

00:36:33--> 00:36:34

JOHN Lowe and together

00:36:36--> 00:36:40

doing this together, and Mr. context, if he was here, I went.

00:36:41--> 00:36:41

And

00:36:44--> 00:36:46

he sent me a message. And he said,

00:36:49--> 00:36:52

of our senior biology, science teachers.

00:36:55--> 00:36:58

So it's our ideal

00:37:08--> 00:37:10

share before you make

00:37:14--> 00:37:15

a money, both of us.

00:37:17--> 00:37:18

Did you forget?

00:37:21--> 00:37:24

Anything? Because No, me? No, you forgot, I reminded you.

00:37:32--> 00:37:34

You have a savings plan Do

00:37:35--> 00:37:52

you want to go on a trip together you want to do personal development, savings, development, financial and educational development, but it has to be personal for you. And also family network together. And one of the things that I think is important

00:37:53--> 00:38:20

is that you can't be a better spouse, if you're not trying to become a better person. You can't become a better father, if you don't want to learn how to become a better father. Being a good father is not natural love. I learned this the hard way. Young, I'm learning how to become a father. For many of us, it's trial and error. And sometimes what we saw with our fathers, what we saw with our mothers, what we saw with our grandparents is not only one for our children,

00:38:21--> 00:38:30

and you can't just say this is all I can do. That has to be personal development, there has to be an attempt for you to say, No, don't just help me with my son.

00:38:32--> 00:38:37

What can I do to hold my tongue? How can I control my angry

00:38:39--> 00:38:44

one of the things that you know, I know it's difficult to hear, but I want to leave.

00:38:45--> 00:38:51

And I write about and you can read articles and different papers that I published about mental health.

00:38:52--> 00:39:18

Some of us within our families may have some people who maybe have developed a mental health issue. And they find it difficult to get treatment for the chances that in this room, that there are at least five to 10 people who have an undiagnosed mental health issue either depression or something of this nature is unlikely. It's statistics, we're human beings and

00:39:19--> 00:39:20

other things.

00:39:21--> 00:39:41

So part of your professional development is to say to yourself, I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being obsessive. I'm tired of being suspicious when you go when you come home. I'm tired of wanting to know everything every time and all those are all things that are wrong and ruin happiness.

00:39:45--> 00:39:46

Number three

00:39:49--> 00:39:51

is communication. As

00:39:52--> 00:39:54

mentioned to you earlier different

00:39:55--> 00:39:59

indicating whether communicating just with his eyes like this

00:40:00--> 00:40:00

Thought.

00:40:01--> 00:40:06

And I'm conscious of time. She said that the pockets on a lot of what he was sending, he came home.

00:40:07--> 00:40:10

And we went out to dinner. And

00:40:11--> 00:40:17

we went to visit someone. So we sat outside their home waiting for editing.

00:40:19--> 00:40:27

This whole woman came. And she was bolder in her words to me. She was anonymous. She looked at me,

00:40:29--> 00:40:30

in front of my

00:40:36--> 00:40:40

eyes, not to ask me, I just looked at his face, from what

00:40:42--> 00:40:53

I saw. But if I was to respond to this lady who I write to respond GGB gay, I saw his face, if I respond, he will be upset with me.

00:40:55--> 00:40:56

They have

00:40:59--> 00:41:01

abused me even more in front of

00:41:08--> 00:41:09

his face, he upset with me.

00:41:15--> 00:41:15

Again,

00:41:20--> 00:41:21

I saw his face,

00:41:25--> 00:41:26

he wouldn't be upset.

00:41:31--> 00:41:32

to her.

00:41:34--> 00:41:35

She met

00:41:37--> 00:41:37

us

00:41:44--> 00:41:55

we would go when he did something wrong, just from the look in his face. One of the key things for you and mastery is that we don't have to stay upset for now.

00:41:56--> 00:42:10

I remember when I was young, you know, I remember I don't know about you, you remember my father, we look in the rearview mirror. Just before you visit somebody's house is horrible. Of me sitting in the backseat, my brother.

00:42:11--> 00:42:14

And my father would look in the mirror and catch my mom.

00:42:17--> 00:42:18

I know what you want

00:42:21--> 00:42:24

to turn off. Some faces, they know all

00:42:26--> 00:42:29

the other places they know to sit down.

00:42:30--> 00:42:52

So we have this. Communication is a great thing. There is one language that communicates and when you stand with your child, and they're seated, or they're on the ground, and you are above them, and angry and loud, and your face has changed in color. It is not communication.

00:42:53--> 00:42:56

It is borderline abuse and can be abused.

00:42:57--> 00:43:03

You have to be careful what you project. What do you look like? What do you sound like the words?

00:43:05--> 00:43:10

of the words letters of bad parenting is to say, What do

00:43:12--> 00:43:19

you say to your son something, all you do is I'll give you this giving me a woman chicken in front of a

00:43:20--> 00:43:23

young child begin to walk away. She said, Come back here.

00:43:25--> 00:43:29

I'll give you a sweet chocolate, the perfect teacher.

00:43:33--> 00:43:33

Don't mind

00:43:36--> 00:43:41

you destroying your child? Don't say what you don't mean? And if you say

00:43:43--> 00:43:55

so if you're going to discipline your child, and you say Listen, if you don't obey, if you don't do what is expected, when I return or when I'm done, this will happen. It needs to happen.

00:43:56--> 00:44:15

It's not just don't don't don't say things. Don't say what you need. But mean what you say it's an essential, especially for young children. There is no compromise. And sometimes my wife and I might not agree on something I say that she said but because it was said even if I don't agree, I call him

00:44:17--> 00:44:28

and we'll talk about related services. Okay, but I held the ground. Because communication becomes the key to a functional, functional memory so

00:44:30--> 00:44:53

that we can understand from each other and expectations to be answered in return asking of our children things that allow them to express it in a way that they feel comfortable not wanting them to give us the answer we want to hear. One of the worst questions that you can ask is did you pray and you pray and you pray? And you say, oh, how do I know?

00:44:55--> 00:44:59

Rather, you can change the question from her Did you pray to if you hadn't prayed

00:45:00--> 00:45:07

Doing people praying together, even if you pray, even if you pray. If you haven't really yet, I'm going to pray

00:45:08--> 00:45:22

during a different question. It's a different form of communication. It allows your son not to feel your doctor not to feel threatened to say, Oh, no, I didn't pray. But I better say that because he will be upset with you upset.

00:45:26--> 00:45:27

Number four,

00:45:28--> 00:45:30

understanding each other's languages of love.

00:45:36--> 00:45:38

Maybe one day, we can do this for fathers.

00:45:41--> 00:45:43

I do a program called

00:45:44--> 00:45:45

fathers.

00:45:46--> 00:45:47

How

00:45:48--> 00:45:58

to be a father. It's not something I'm still learning. But it's something I've read a lot about. Because daughters need a great deal of love. They need

00:46:00--> 00:46:08

to feel our strength and see that what about that when I speak to her cannot be the way that I speak. To avoid that the voice has to come down

00:46:09--> 00:46:09

the

00:46:11--> 00:46:16

passer, I have to let her be what she wants to say before I tell her what

00:46:18--> 00:46:27

I have to allow in my free time that maybe she's not ready to speak straight away that I say okay, maybe we can speak later. All of these different things have become really important.

00:46:31--> 00:46:33

Be Loved in different ways.

00:46:34--> 00:46:39

And how one person is loved is not the way another person, even if they grew up with the same.

00:46:41--> 00:46:43

So I have twin sisters.

00:46:45--> 00:46:48

They have twins. But uncreased

00:46:49--> 00:46:53

is the in one way or another. And oh my goodness are

00:46:54--> 00:47:06

twins in shape and completely different in how they think and what their interests are. And how they receive love and how they express it and how they give it

00:47:07--> 00:47:12

even within your household. It's something we must consider. Number five

00:47:14--> 00:47:15

is to learn how to play.

00:47:18--> 00:47:22

I always tell my students, I want you to learn how to fight with your parents.

00:47:24--> 00:47:25

Would you be ready to fight

00:47:28--> 00:47:32

for loving learning to fight with your parents right is going to teach you how to fight with your wife

00:47:34--> 00:47:44

is going to teach you how to fight with your husband without breaking each other learning. Learning how to argue with each other respect

00:47:46--> 00:47:46

without

00:47:48--> 00:47:52

learning how to save money, even when my father and

00:47:53--> 00:47:54

I have to fight.

00:48:02--> 00:48:03

But I'm not going to do

00:48:04--> 00:48:04

one.

00:48:06--> 00:48:06

In

00:48:08--> 00:48:09

my experience it

00:48:10--> 00:48:10

was

00:48:14--> 00:48:15

Steve.

00:48:17--> 00:48:18

Howard you

00:48:19--> 00:48:29

learn to have conflict with your children. For them to feel comfortable to argue with you is a beautiful thing.

00:48:31--> 00:48:34

Because if they don't agree with you guess what happens? They complain about

00:48:36--> 00:48:50

it son or my daughter. Even therefore, I'm not going to say that they won't even dignify me with a fight. They will just listen to me just say hello to the 10 minutes. I'm going to use

00:48:52--> 00:48:55

10 minutes 40 minutes. We used to be like this.

00:49:02--> 00:49:08

If that becomes you if this is your child that they just wait for the 10 minutes to go by you lost.

00:49:09--> 00:49:18

You lost that ability to influence and change your life. What would you rather a son or a daughter tells you Baba that's not fair. And I'm going to tell you why.

00:49:22--> 00:49:25

Tell me why. Why? Why is it

00:49:26--> 00:49:32

okay? You're right. And many times when your children fight back.

00:49:38--> 00:49:43

Many times your children when they find that they're correct. You need to listen.

00:49:44--> 00:49:52

Conflict Resolution will be the difference between a functional happy life and a dysfunctional I'm happy

00:49:54--> 00:49:59

to be able to come back with each other

00:50:00--> 00:50:00

Let me give you an example.

00:50:03--> 00:50:04

Philosophy in psychology.

00:50:05--> 00:50:06

And he

00:50:08--> 00:50:08

loved

00:50:09--> 00:50:15

enough to lay in his bed when he knows assassins are outside the door, but they're coming to murder

00:50:16--> 00:50:16

the

00:50:18--> 00:50:21

night they are there, he sees the

00:50:23--> 00:50:25

sleep in my bed and

00:50:26--> 00:50:27

everybody

00:50:28--> 00:50:29

except

00:50:34--> 00:50:34

on the day

00:50:38--> 00:50:39

the motion at this

00:50:43--> 00:50:46

time they said you were not allowed to make 1300

00:50:48--> 00:50:52

in 10 days mark and their thought they can smell.

00:50:53--> 00:50:56

But they're not allowed to drink water or steam.

00:50:57--> 00:51:02

So they need to make a peace treaty with the public. They say. So hey, did

00:51:04--> 00:51:10

you become a great nice thing after this moment, but he was the chief negotiator for operational issues.

00:51:11--> 00:51:12

So I need

00:51:15--> 00:51:16

to write down the peace treaty.

00:51:19--> 00:51:21

They asked for the most offensive things.

00:51:22--> 00:51:25

They say can you come up this way, you're gonna go back and if

00:51:27--> 00:51:28

you agree,

00:51:30--> 00:51:40

then if one of you becomes an unbeliever, we will not return anything and if one of us becomes a believer, you must return them to us, I agree.

00:51:44--> 00:51:47

begins the peace treaty by writing this has been done.

00:51:49--> 00:51:51

So how you can run your lawn

00:51:55--> 00:51:59

actually believe in this whatever problem they are racing

00:52:00--> 00:52:05

to the public to running a race. Right? In the name of God.

00:52:07--> 00:52:08

He followed up

00:52:09--> 00:52:10

because the last one I

00:52:13--> 00:52:16

gave you take it whatever he was doing.

00:52:19--> 00:52:22

The next sentence, this is between So

00:52:23--> 00:52:25

on behalf of 100

00:52:31--> 00:52:33

if I believe is a messenger, why do we need to

00:52:34--> 00:52:35

take it out?

00:52:39--> 00:52:39

So the

00:52:43--> 00:52:44

reason Have

00:52:50--> 00:52:50

you met

00:52:56--> 00:53:00

Allah told you a ba, ba, ba?

00:53:01--> 00:53:01

Ba?

00:53:03--> 00:53:04

He said no.

00:53:11--> 00:53:11

No,

00:53:14--> 00:53:18

he did. And I would rather than my father and mother dying to protect me.

00:53:20--> 00:53:22

You but I will not obey you.

00:53:24--> 00:53:25

For the

00:53:26--> 00:53:27

second time.

00:53:33--> 00:53:34

Second time.

00:53:36--> 00:53:38

Third time,

00:53:41--> 00:53:42

the profits

00:53:45--> 00:53:46

and the profit

00:53:47--> 00:53:47

and the risk

00:53:49--> 00:53:50

the probabilities

00:53:51--> 00:53:52

obey.

00:53:55--> 00:54:19

Because you will need to know that even if you're an authority you and I need to know that even those who love self love already. There were those web stations because of love. And that sometimes somebody might not do what you want when you want to have an unwanted money because of love. And you need to be able to accept that even if you're the head of a family. Even if you're the mother or the father, they need to listen

00:54:20--> 00:54:28

and expect that there may be conflict that you have to resolve. And you have to develop the tools to resolve it.

00:54:32--> 00:54:35

There's two types that are inundated

00:54:36--> 00:54:42

with problems that we face. One set of problems or those are solvable day to day problems.

00:54:44--> 00:54:48

Your husband tries to keep touching the phone while having two languages running.

00:54:49--> 00:54:51

School Please don't do it parents.

00:54:53--> 00:54:59

Please. Well, it upsets me so much. There's some parents that are on the phone while driving. Please don't

00:55:00--> 00:55:03

Don't do it on the streets coming here because it looks bad.

00:55:05--> 00:55:11

And it's unsafe for you and others, to protect your vehicles and your home and your life.

00:55:15--> 00:55:28

So, it takes a day or two to solve, our problems are perpetually, they come up, they die, they come back up, they're like grass, we have to keep going. And

00:55:31--> 00:55:32

I ended

00:55:35--> 00:55:41

by saying that the key is to have a mind that is willing to solve a problem.

00:55:43--> 00:55:44

If your mind is

00:55:45--> 00:56:17

closed, if your heart is closed, if you're unwilling to listen, if you've already made up your mind, it before you even enter, you know what you're thinking, you know, you've already made decisions, everything is what you want, and it's fine way, way, you're going to have conflict, and that conflict is not going to be solved. But if you approach problems with that, problem solving minds, were first your optimism, I have

00:56:18--> 00:56:20

the mystique about this, we can solve this

00:56:22--> 00:56:34

verify approach right away if we change certain things, if we buy this or that or that if we make some changes, I have the hope that we can make this a solution. Number two,

00:56:35--> 00:56:55

that even though I haven't experienced the problem, I can put myself in his shoes, I can put myself into her shoes, I can see the problem from their side because my job and it's not just my feelings, but my children's feelings, my rights students my husband's feelings, I can see how that kind of look to them. Sounds good to them.

00:56:58--> 00:57:00

Number three, that your committee

00:57:02--> 00:57:06

says any time that you have to husband and wife are separated.

00:57:07--> 00:57:08

Eureka

00:57:10--> 00:57:14

if both of them want to solve the problem,

00:57:16--> 00:57:17

but if

00:57:19--> 00:57:20

it doesn't work

00:57:23--> 00:57:28

to solve, there has to be executives, that if I make a mistake I except if I'm

00:57:29--> 00:57:40

willing to acknowledge that there's a level of expect executives of each other and some of our inadequacies, and finally, that we have respect and you

00:57:41--> 00:57:43

don't have to agree on anything.

00:57:45--> 00:57:56

For us to be able to respect like you might have what opinion you might see the sky is blue, ice and orange. It's purple, and

00:57:58--> 00:58:18

blue. Because we see things differently does not give us each other the license to be rude and disrespectful to each other. We might have opposing views. But it is not excuse to move the respect to use the wrong word. The wrong behavior, the wrong attitude, the body language the image

00:58:21--> 00:58:21

ready

00:58:22--> 00:58:23

to

00:58:24--> 00:58:26

protect our children, our school

00:58:31--> 00:58:37

staff, our students, our parents and our teachers, our principals and our administrators.

00:58:42--> 00:58:43

I pray

00:58:47--> 00:58:48

that we end the year on

00:58:50--> 00:58:57

the trust of needing your children to that which is good. I asked you about a lot of children leave the home, make for them.

00:58:59--> 00:59:00

Read for them if

00:59:05--> 00:59:07

I asked them how to protect you from me.

00:59:10--> 00:59:16

All of these are drop I do and I must have in our house. As you're driving with

00:59:17--> 00:59:24

the radio. As you are taking for your morning and making your breakfast and lunch. We want

00:59:25--> 00:59:25

you to

00:59:28--> 00:59:34

put on something that adds value to your home. Buy a bottle of water

00:59:36--> 00:59:40

that you order online to fill it and refill it.

00:59:41--> 00:59:42

And then he says

00:59:43--> 00:59:44

that when you recycle.

00:59:47--> 00:59:54

When you go home, get some water in a bottle and recites what's inside and legal and as a law to protect

00:59:55--> 00:59:57

and when the water will come down. They will take

01:00:00--> 01:00:01

What was done?

01:00:02--> 01:00:04

He said, I bought

01:00:08--> 01:00:09

continue to recycle,

01:00:10--> 01:00:13

how easy it is for us to heal ourselves.

01:00:17--> 01:00:22

And I leave you with your ideas why send them along

01:00:23--> 01:00:24

by asking for your love

01:00:26--> 01:00:27

the love of those who love you

01:00:31--> 01:00:33

closer to your loved

01:00:37--> 01:00:37

ones by

01:00:47--> 01:00:51

solomani who said that we set on wanting to monkey with our cat for

01:00:52--> 01:00:52

a while.

01:00:54--> 01:01:11

Now for those of you who are brand new You're welcome for grabbing these. I know that there's still some food left at the back. You're welcome to take a look at some of my books are being sold there. This is the first edition of it. It does have some typographical mistakes.

01:01:12--> 01:01:21

There are so much about alcoholism for my kids as well. Three food, three pallets of food for $10.

01:01:22--> 01:01:24

Right if you want to control your children

01:01:28--> 01:01:28

no conflict.

01:01:42--> 01:01:43

Is it

01:01:44--> 01:01:45

Oh no, it's recording.

01:01:47--> 01:01:51

So it said recording. Last thing. So good report is going to come back all the way.

01:01:56--> 01:02:00

So it's going to start again. So I'll share it