How to Deal with Problems
Channel: Waleed Basyouni
File Size: 27.33MB
Episode Transcript ©
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There is nobody can think of life that is free of challenges problems. No obstacles. And hindrance is no one there is no one ever will ever think that you will have a life that it will be 100% completely smooth. Everybody has his own struggle, everybody has his own problem. admin said once
a wise man, his follower, keep telling them, everybody coming to him and said, I have problem. Nobody else like me, nobody else like me, nobody else like me. Then he said, Okay, so he asked everybody in their community to write down their problems and put it in a jar. Then he said, Now we mix all these problems together, and randomly every can pick one of these problems.
So I took your problem, you took my problems, he took his problems. And when the everybody opened the paper and look at other people's problem, every visit, give me my problems back. You think you have the worst situation in the world, but you don't know what's people going through.
I thought this will be an interesting point to start with tonight today to talk about certain tips that I would like us to have. And these are very important skills that we should learn as individual and I'm sure you do, but it's a reminder. And maybe some of it can be an indication to some, and how to deal with these problems in life at large. It doesn't matter what this problem in which area of your life. Is it your marriage? Is it your business? It is your deen, is it your social life, because that skill can be used in any areas in your life. And another thing that I would like to start with is to
one thing that I'd highly recommend for you don't exhaust yourself, in thinking about the details of your problems. Sometimes we are consumed by the problem, that it is very we consumed by thinking about it too much that we see it's so big, and the shadow of something is usually bigger than the thing itself. So became so huge as if it is the most complicated things and became almost impossible to, you know, to solve it. What I advise you if you have a problem, don't think too much about the problem itself. But spend most of your time thinking about the causes of the problem. And that solutions for the problem. Instead of just all the time is just nagging and whining and talking
about I have problem I have a problem. I have a problem. You know what, I'll make a deal with you tonight. Today, I'll give you 20%. But 80% of your time should not be talking about the problem should be talking about why this is happening, and how can I solve it. So 80% of your time should be focused on the reason the cause the root cause of it, and the solution for it. And I'm saying this because the root cause to ensure that you will solve the problem completely. And we'll make sure that it will not come back to you. Many times. I asked people on the complaint about their family. I said what's the problem?
This and this I said but that's not the problem that the symptoms what's the real problem is?
I don't know
why you're not working, why you can do this, what they really don't know. And you know why? Because some we don't invest time in investigating what is the root cause for me to be angry over time?
Why I am so frustrated.
Why am I'm like, you know, Mike, I can deal with my family. Why can't memorize Quran?
Why can't I improve my relationship with Allah? Why I can save money?
You know, why is this organization is not working? Good. You know why I can relate to my kids? You know, all the time, my kids don't listen to me, my kids don't listen to me. I'm losing my kids. I'm losing my kids. But that's too much. investing time and talking about the problem. Think about, okay, what are the cause for it? What are the solution for these problems? I found in my life, three types of people when it comes to problem. Somebody led Dan night, nothing but complaining about their problems talking about it, and they became more about the idea and he's so disappointed and depressed about
the other type, which is also interesting. Avoid the problem completely as if it's not exist. Living in such
lala land, you know, somewhere between Pluto and Mars can leave you and the earth completely. And he isolates himself as does not exist. That's also wrong. In my, in my opinion, I think the third category, the one will really think about the root cause of the problem, what it's coming from, and how can I solve it, but they continue to live there live their daily activity and so forth. Make sure that you never ever woke up in the morning? Or what do you think about the problem? That you know what? Yes, I know that you are short on money. I know that, you know, Monday, you have to file your tax, but you don't have, you know, to pay your taxes. But you know what, you're gonna have an
You can talk to your CPA to find solution, you get. The point is that you all you don't need to wake up every day and go to sleep every day, you've done nothing but thinking about your problem, because the moment you became driven by your problems, the moment you will not accomplish I love this hadith. And I will mention one more time in the end of Mahatma Carmen, US bahala hiroto, Akbar Mohammed,
when you wake up in the morning, and after the agenda is your main concern, that's a very positive thing. And I couldn't think of anything more positive than agenda, that this is my biggest concern. That's my goal, that's a different life style, then you just walk up, you know what, and you just complain about your bad luck and the and the live that you have in for an informal and so forth. My second point is
ask yourself is really there is a problem there. Because I also found sometimes that often we create problems out of nothing.
Sometimes we create a make a big deal out of nothing. And sometimes I'm guilty of that. You know, what do you need to do is to relax, stick a deep breath take a step back maybe it's not really the biggest problem the world that you think about one of the thing that I start doing myself I start asking myself, you know, all Muslim community the problem we have a problem in the community. Okay, that's natural symptoms as yourself five weeks from now, five months from now, five years from now what this piece would you consider this a problem? The answer sometimes is no. So live became becomes so less stressful. When you stop making mountains out of no mulch.
You know that you're making like a mountain out of small things that does not really work to make it that big of a deal. Don't make it out of just you know,
as we say, out of thin air.
Number three, make sure when you having a problem that you come with a realistic solution.
I found a lot of time we very unrealistic of the solution and expectation we want
our problem to solve by you know you have to be very practical, and you have to find real solution to the problem. And also real solution. It doesn't mean bandaid. Sometimes you know when I go to the doctor, I remember
somewhere some time in my life. You know everything The doctor has only one shot will last to remember that anybody goes to the doctor he gets shot I remember in school, it doesn't matter you have a flu you have stomach egg, whatever it is it is a shot this and just make you feel good. Maybe it is something to calm you down. Maybe it is just
open the door whatever you know he gave you just to give you the don't really treat the cause root of the problem. It just to put a bandaid on it and so many times we do that. You know what? She will be fine. Don't worry your husband will change later on. No, he doesn't change. It gets worst.
You know it's not true. You just can't put a bandaid on it and think it's gonna solve. You know, like so many times when marriage happened and problem happened. They have a big problem. It just give her a gift give him a gift you know, but the running the problem never resolved. That's a very dangerous way of treating problems. Especially when it comes to marriage problems. You know all what you want your son or your daughter to tell you sorry even if you really know and the you know the the not really sorry for the son or he did
you putting a bandaid on the problem you need to when you want to solve problem, make sure that you have a real solution for it. I don't I'm not against by the way.
Taking painkillers. And I mean that in a metaphorical way, I'm not going to put a bandaid on the thing for a little bit. But what I'm against is to think that this is the solution for the problem. You know, it's okay not you know what we need to come down and you, we do need to fight as a husband and wife, you know, avoid talking about it now. But we have to deal with it down the road, I have to have this conversation with my son down on the road.
an EC nebby salsa, have used that, you know, put things on to the burner for a little bit low burner. So you wait until the right time comes to address the issue.
Another point is important is number four, is to make sure that you always have multiple solutions for your problems.
You know, I always say this as a comment on you always have to have a plan what? b That's right. You have Plan B, I always say and C and D and E and you know the Mashallah there are so many letters, why only be you all the more you can have solutions, the more you can offer solve solutions, the problem, the better you will know how to deal with the problem. A lot of time when we try one solution that doesn't work, we just get so you know, disappointed and we just give up. And we think that's not going to be solved. It's so important for you to learn how to give yourself multiple layer of solutions, multiple options. As a matter of fact, I always cite a successful Dahlia is the
one who offer community, multiple choices.
And Sheree filled with choices in a very rare to find the *tiest that's either this or no give you multiple choices. Like for example, let's say the good deeds Ramadan is coming. Some people think that the only way to make an Amana sila is to finish the whole on top or on reading. As one said, the only thing is to you know to give money, or this you know, there's multiple things you can do. And that's the nature of Sharia, as always give you multiple choices. So it's so important for you if you want to deal with the problem that you give yourself several solutions.
us consults for a new humanity map minister Shah amanat the map men is the hub while a hub minister shop.
One of the things that we learn that you will never regret consulting,
you will never regret praying as to harder and doing is to shadow which is taking people's feedback, opinions how to solve this problem. Don't complain to people. rather ask people for help, especially with your family. Don't just complain to your mother about your husband about your wife. Ask your mother what solution you think you have for me. You know, don't complain to your friend about your prop your children. Ask what you have, what you can offer me and by the way, just for the record, those who offer solutions are not only the chef, also people experience in life, get in the habit of seeing what people what kind of success for you know, experience that they have and you can copy
that and be subtle allowed to sell them had a problem with the companions. And that story of you know, Rama
Rama davia wouldn't have said we're not going we're not going to Mecca we're coming back. He told him nobody broke there. They didn't break their
heart we're not going to make a budget for the Arabs I don't know if you know that or not. It's rooted many of Islamic rulings coming from where from Abrahamic practice. So Abrahamic practice known to the people of Arabia, even before in the Bissell salon time, and part of it had an ombre an honoring the bait and making a ROM and all these things rituals are very known to them. So one of the major things is to put a hat on and not to finish that muscle not to finish your armor. So for them couldn't believe I have a past I said the bake alarm and a B and now I'm not going to do that I'm
not allowed to go to camera
didn't even happen in Jamelia days that somebody was stopping me from camera after I put my camera never happened in the past. The killer of your father you will see him doing pull off and you don't touch him at the custom. So for them for no reason Mohammed Al Salam with 10,000 swords or with the companions around him and they have the power to go into Mecca. They are prevented from going for Umrah so they couldn't accept that he talks
To them nobody did what he did he consulted him out of the allowing his wife
and another incident and important incident the press on live when he first debris will came with the way to him. so confused probably what I do with this he consulted his wife Khadija will be allowed on Atilla
Romano the love and used to consult he has you know us have a mature, the people who can see consoled them all the time, the older among those who witness the Battle of Beto. And he added to them other young companion like even ambassador, they alone and voila. And that's Omar. So one of the thing that is so important for you to learn how to consult people, and ask for advice. And you will find a wealth of information from people that are good people that you ask for advice.
Also, one of the thing that is so important number six, be resolute.
You know what, if I make a decision, I'm consistent, I'm going to take the actions, you know, I'm not going to be hesitant all the time. Allah subhanaw taala set for either as a photographer and Allah, when you determine something, move on with it with Allah. Because you can just keep back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, you never gonna make any solutions, you're never gonna move forward with your life.
I remember one of my teachers told me something a long time ago.
can actually nervous.
Too much thinking it's like less thinking.
Both are problematic, too smart for yourself. Or too lazy to think both a problem there is people think too much, you know, calculate too many risks. It's complicated things for themselves. That doesn't work this way. You know, you never gonna have 100% there's always risk and life involved. So what you need to think about is to be monitored, and to be resolute and to take the risk. Don't just let fear and you know, hypothetical and unrealistic, you know, fears or, or, you know, risks prevented from taking actions and making solutions to the problem that you're low. And also outside, that m&a definitely help like you have the right to be wrong. Don't let anyone or don't let yourself
to strip yourself from that, right? You have the right to be wrong. couldn't move any other pie according to solid Navy. So Sam said every single human being makes mistakes. That's you, right? As a human. Don't take this right away from you. Not purposely do what is wrong, but there's nothing wrong with being wrong. You know, I did my best on it didn't work.
That's why this is called alumina. Karnataka low to Canada, Canada, Canada, even when we make our mistakes, and so some said Don't ever say, oh, if I did this, this wouldn't happen. Because that's if open the door for the shaman. It just make you you know, feel bad. It doesn't really make you move forward. And that's not the point is to make yourself feel bad, and learn from it and move forward. Number eight, I want to cite accepted
and this is may be hard for you to hear, hear directly from me. There are certain problems you have to learn how to swallow it, to live with it. There are certain problems there is no solution for it in this life. And Sharla when you go to Jenna will be solved.
There are certain problem like that. I have to learn how to accept you know what? My father is an angry old man.
My mother, she's a very demanding woman
that said, I have to live with that. I have to accept that I can change the fact that she's my mom. I can change the fact that she's my dad, he's not gonna change.
I have to learn how to accept this. You know what, I get so frustrated sometimes. You know what I asked the community 123 they do 110 and leave three and four and five and six and seven and eight.
Even though you said hey, can we do 123 but you know what, that's how people are.
I get frustrated. Why would you park your car double parking. But the reality is, I have to learn I don't I need to live with that. But just use a tow company, I guess.
towing company. You know, but in the end of the day, in all seriousness, we have to learn how certain problems to accept and when I say it's up to the KDF man
accepting it doesn't give it legitimacy. accepting it doesn't mean my father is correct or my mother is correct. That's why I've never been
in a stem database system data behala Ah, we're in the hub to sleep Ha ha, ha ha palapa otaku.
Bala, he said live for Mina and Robbie Amina hulak in Korea, Amina Amina, the reality is your spouse will always have something not perfect. He said in Ibiza, you need to learn how to live with it, how to adjust to it. You know what, if you think that I can't live my life because my husband has 123 problems, there is no perfect men, and there is no perfect woman
we need to learn how to live with our problems and to accept them and to adjust adjust our life with some of these problem because sometimes you just never going to be able to get rid of it some not all.
One thing also I would like to say it is important is to give problems, it's appropriate time to be solved.
And that's what we call a sub palette, in the muscle mass sub patient bring victory it will it will eventually help you to solve your problem. But just give it the time it does not convey a clue and it's not now it has to be done. Some problems
happen over the years. I'm not going to be solved overnight. So take your time you know if you find if you give the time you give the time and you found out that there is no way you know what this problem I have to bring an end to life for example relationship I give my husband I give my wife you know enough time to help to help them you know at one point that's up we can live together he's physically abusing me
you know this person isn't he keeps he cheated me on me. He keeps missing that I give him a 123 opportunity to fix himself he's not fixing you know what if I can you fire
you know it can work together. You know what I can be a friend anymore. You don't know how to respect friendship. So you give it its time but at one point, you have to make the decision to be resolute and to move on.
make a lot of stuff are fairly nebulous. animalism and so far Jolla Holloman Cooley Hammond faraja
Maharajah make a lot of stuff are make a lot of stuff and a lot
and unless the problem said if you do that you say a lot of stuff and a lot, a lot bring exit for you from every hardship from every calamity. Allah subhanaw taala bring ease to you with hardship. So make a lot of a lot of pray to Allah spirit Allah, may Allah Subhana Allah and Allah will bring the solution all the way to you will not even guide you to go to it, you'll bring it to you.
this is a religious advice from or something, not something that I can explain to you in a physical format or the reason behind it is something in the hand of Allah Spano Donna, that he may still fall on our sins has an impact on our life, complicate our life. That's why last month, Allah said about sinners facin via sudo, who lives in La mesilla cinematograph
that Allah said about sinners and wrong doors, that their life is a saw everything goes wrong in their life. And that's why one of the things if you notice everything going wrong, too many problems when your life pops up and everything in your life, you know what you need to step back and to make it still fine to ask Allah, Allah to forgive you and to repent, there is something going wrong in your life needs to be fixed. Because that's something somehow related to one another. Finally, outside, make sure that you break the problem into pieces. There is a saying in Africa, how to eat an elephant. They say, one bite at a time. You know, that's how your problem should be if you want
to eat your problems, one bite at a time. You want to basically deal with it. Don't make it all together. So you know what, sometimes a couple comes to me. I said hold on. We have three issues. We have custody. We have finance issue, your financial, right. We have kids, you know,
child support, we have a divorce issue. These are different issues. Let's deal with one of the time we deal
With the divorce, we finished with it. We deal with the custody we did a few review with the child support we deal with your financial compensations on right? You can just all of them together at one time. You have to break it down and to deal with it. You know what, my economy is bad. Taxes are high. You know, I have my rent coming, I'm in debt. Okay, hold on, just break it one thing at a time. So this is how you should always deal with your problem to break them. You know, especially even if they're not, you know, I'm sick and my car is not working, and I'm in debt, and I need a plumber.
Okay, you know, one thing at a time, I can solve this whole thing as a one on one time, just break it down and that's what will help you a lot to solve your problem. ask Allah subhanaw taala in your internet, Yakumo ninja let me know you're confused. So hoonah masamoto sobre la de
hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala Milena via by the Hobart finally my brothers and sisters, make sure that you remember that the process of them said, Martin's Allah home and daddy Lola houda. There is no disease unless there's a cure for it. And this diseases, no pain or human loss at all type of disease, physical, spiritual, economical when the social issues anything, any problem that is a solution for it. You know, and believe me, I know that there is so many problems out there. I'm very, very familiar with it as an Imam and I personally listen to people's problem all the time. But also I'm very familiar with another fact.
As they know for a fact that has so many problems, I know for a fact that there are so many solutions. So always keep that in mind that you remember this Don't let your problems live in your heart occupied your heart. You know, don't make it block your eyes. Look at it, see it from distance, but always be positive in your attitude. Always be driven by your dreams and your goals in life. Always think about what he wants from me What can I learn from this? How this will make me grow? How basically instead of I have problem how I deal with my problem, it cannot be solved? No? How can I solve it? How can I reduce it? How can we manage it and so forth. And one of the things
that really I mentioned early on I enjoyed it because of the importance of it one of the things that's helped a lot make sure that your eyes always on the camera
no matter what big problem that you have in this dunya and you look at the agenda and you look that one day you will die and you will leave all those behind your back whatever problem that you have it will look so small
let's think about that. I'm not asking you to scape your problem No no. And I want you to be able to put it in its right size smoothly that because you need a good psychological you need to be ready to deal with it. Just think about the offer think about you know what this is well. This is something became your main concern. And I can guarantee you a lot of these issue that you deal with and it stress you out on this dounia will become very very small compared to the size of the offer and the size of dinner and allow it to come in and out Andrea along in Assetto Corsa who dealt with
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