Friday Sermon – Thoughts On Marriage

Waleed Basyouni

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The importance of finding the right person for a marriage is emphasized in Islam, where finding the right tool and finding the right person is crucial. It is also crucial to avoid a disaster and finding the right person for a woman is crucial. It is also important to avoid being attached to anyone who is not their own. It is also important to consult with their partner before the marriage process and find a happy marriage.

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In all the way to the marriage and even the relationship after marriage press this practices even an Islam speaks about this relationship between husband and wife continue until the day after that the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam told as Allah subhanaw taala said in the Quran as well, that those who believe and how can I be him to react him Allah, Allah to know him and

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get to know him in our money we shape that those who believe that Allah Subhana Allah will join them with their families in the day of judgment, and it will love decrease from the reward. So, in another word, Allah subhanaw taala have emphasis on the importance of the concept of merit, color, color coming and proceed as Rajan, it has

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been a commode that have created from among yourself from among yourselves, as spouses, that you might dwell with them in tranquility and peace, and to live a life filled with what what Allah azza wa jal Anabaena commode that this life should be based on love and mercy, love and mercy. And another verse, Allah subhanaw taala told us that one of his favorite upon prophets and messengers that he have, grant them families he has encouraged him to get married and to have children's while up at the Santa Rosa mill public Raja. Raja with real that's one of the sign of being a human being. And Allah subhanaw taala. When you want to distinguish between who is human and who is the creation

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and the creator, the divine, the divine, which is Allah and the end divine, which is human being was not a divine. In the qualities he said that human beings need a spouse need the part needed children need a family versus God that's why God have No wife, no children's have no family because He is the Creator. As for us as a human being, we need the partnership, something natural, something shows that we are in need of it. That's why we're not a divine

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will not divine because we need a partner, he or she

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Yeah, you're a nurse at Taco Bell Kamala the Halacha come in

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bahala come in has

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the money set up when Allah subhanaw taala created him he was lonely in the beginning then add them after the Allah created for him or from Him and for Him, His spouse, Eve so they will be partner so you will not be alone. And it's so ironic how the relationships was defined in the Quran. The Quran referred to it as as much like a spouse for him. And for her this relationship was not just a boyfriend girlfriend kind of relationship or just you know, just to enjoy her her physically No, that's not how the Quran describes the relationship between Adam and it's a spouse they were married to each others and Allah subhanaw taala married them to each other's Quran in encourage us to get

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married if we do not think it will not popular communities. And that's an order a Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam wants three in his time, three men came and they say, oh the process Allah married the process on them sleeves, the process on them, he doesn't fast every day. So three of them, they decided one of them decided not to break his fast he will fast every single day in his life. And the other person said that will never marry in my life. I don't want to be busy with family with you know with anyone other than God, I'm gonna devoted my life to God, you know, became like a monk who who do nothing in his life, but just worshiping God, and He will not have a family. That's how he

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thought that it means to be righteous and pure. And the third one said, I will never sleep in the night I'll spend my whole life praying. So the prophets of Solomon, he heard about these three, he said, That's not our religion based our religion, there is no extreme in it. Even when it comes to the relationship between you and your Creator. It has to be a moderate or moderate, something natural. Okay, so the prophet or Salam said, those don't belong to me. Those three they don't belong to my son, column and bonobo and Suniti Felisa money. Those who stay away or those who goes up against and oppose my way Are don't belong to me, don't belong to me. I fear that God I fear Allah

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the most. I know him more than anyone else in the villa shockula kakula Huashan book Okasha, I know more than anyone else, and I feel him more than anyone else. I respect him more than anyone else. We're in the law school more often and

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Some days I will fast and someday I won't break my fast. I will eat like in a regular day, some days in the night, I'll sleep and I will pray in the night. And also he said, and I married and I married. So those who leave my son that don't belong to my nation don't belong to my nation.

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I'm delighted to be misquoted on the Allahu Anhu Ottawa once after his wife passed away he married again. So we will ask him you're an old man what is your interested in marriage? He said, Well, I'm not interested in married for the sexual meaning of it he because I have no interest in that I'm too old for that. But the only reason I get married again, because I prefer to meet Allah smart Allah as a married person, not a single con Allah will be drawn out Allah Azza because it'd be SallAllahu sallam said when you get married you complete half of your deen half of your deen and then they'll be SallAllahu Sallam special encourage young men. He said yeah, I'm not sure Shut up. Oh, young men

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and young woman. Many stop I mean Khumba definitely is a word. Those who are capable have the ability to get married, they should they should get married, because that will help them to protect their chastity and if they could not they don't have the means to do so. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said they should fast you should fast and this hadith reported by Bihari almost. He said some Allah send them in this life in this worldly life. The most beloved thing to him the most beloved thing to him, this is what it is Allah isn't his spouse, some Allah or you will send them a dunya mata. Mata or, or to Saudi. He'll be the Elohim in dunya ko Nisa, Yanni as Roger sal Allahu

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Allahu Allah, he was sending them with curato ad for Salah, but the thing that his heart will feel complete trust in it. When He prayed to His Lord some Allah Allah you it was when Allah revealed this verse and Medina Can you soon a verb on filter those who

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collect gold and silver unhide it and keep it at home? The province or some of them said, Do you know what is better than having gold and silver at your home? They said what he said it's better than having a tome a golden silver is to have a righteous spouse, a righteous good spouse

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is a movement that will get meaner to you, man, the best thing that you can ever have that's ever can get you back can protect you, a righteous spouse, someone who will help you to be better. And Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that to those who seek marriage, Allah has promised to help and to aid them. Because it's a very valuable thing. This is

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a very important concept. And unfortunately, so many statistics today, in the United States here in America, we seeing a decline of the number of marriages decline in the number of marriages, if you compare the number of marriages that we have. Now, it picked up a little bit I was looking into the numbers had picked up in the 80s and early 90s. But it started decline again, the percentage of people who are getting married or getting married.

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And that's not a good sign. And worse than that, worse than that, is the rate of divorce is picking up is getting up high. It's estimated and by the way, all of us here in in America, we share that it is no different between one community and other Muslim community or a non Muslim community. Everybody shared the same challenge, which is the rate of divorces can vary apart. It's estimated it's over 30% of marriages end up a divorce. And I can tell you as Imam this semester, we do have a high rate of divorce. And it's interesting to know that the rate of divorce is speaking up not only among young men and young woman, it is also among older men and older woman and it's picking up

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and unfortunately,

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it is something that a challenge that we need to face and to deal with. Because a society that is have a shaking, a shaking foundation cannot go grow strong cannot grow stop. You know this man was traveling in the airplane. And he had his wedding ring and his

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basically the wrong finger. So the person next to him notice that and he told him I'm just wondering, why do you have your wedding ring and the wrong finger? He said because I'm married to the wrong wife.

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I mean it

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so bad. It is so bad that it is this this and can you say maybe to joke, or you can say this is the wrong husband as well. But the point here, the point here is, what do you don't want to know? What do you want to have, you know, Allah against divorce as a solution. Islam give this as a solution when there is no way to reconsolidate between husband and wife. It's a solution. But it's the last option, it shouldn't be

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rushed it not to be the first thing today, young couples who comes here for the first challenge, they willing to break the relationship and to turn back to each other. But also I'm completely against, completely against being together in marriage, and it's not working now. It's not working out. You know, that's, that's a recipe of disaster, there is nothing to force you to be in such relationship. So, here, what I would like to cite today, especially Summer is coming in and a lot of people get married summer, in our community, and Animesh Allah, we have a good number of young men and one woman in our community getting married. But it is so important to know how to find the right

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one. You know, I'm not going to be talking today to you about how where to find the right person, because where it is very different from one culture one person to another, you know, your hunting ground is so different and vary from one house hold to another. But you know what, that's not really my point. My point is what I would like to emphasize on today is how to find the right tool. How can you look for the person and how can you know that this is the right person for me or not? Because choosing the right spouse is very important. That's what in sha Allah subhanaw taala isn't in love by the will of Allah will guarantee for you a good future a good future in your your marital

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relationship.

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Once a man, a father came with his daughter, to the Prophet Muhammad salah, and I want you to imagine this is 1000, more than 1400 years ago, in Arabia, in a very tribal society, where it's usually at that time before the time of the Prophet Muhammad, Salah woman, they don't have much to say nothing or even anywhere in the world. But Islam have changed that culture of change that culture that women have rights and you know what has to be protected? So this father came with his younger to the prophets of Salaam and he said yeah, Rasul Allah, my daughter is she is giving me a hard time. So the Prophet Muhammad wa sallam said to his daughter, looked at her and look at the

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father kind of asking, what's the problem? Then the father said, I had brought for her so many proposals on a cup up to a father and as a father college, I brought to her the best men of Christ. And every one proposed to her she kept saying no, no, no to the

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than the prophets of Allah is a limp told her. Why are you giving your father a hard time? What is it? Then she said, Yasser Allah, I don't want to marry anyone, unless I know exactly what I'm going to be what kind of person I'm going to be married to, or what what is my rights are and what his his rights are, and so forth. So as you start explaining X person, she's younger, she's saying, so I'm not going to get married to someone, basically. And then in the midst of someone explained to her what's the right of the husband, upon his wife and what's the right of the wife upon her husband? Then after that, the puzzle look at the father, he said, he said, Don't ever marry her without her

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permission. Don't ever marry her without her permission. That's why when I'm on set, she came to the process of him. She got us Allah my older brother have married me have married me this man without my permission, the prophets or nullify the marriage contract and he separated them from each others. And he told her it is up to you if you want to continue this marriage or not, but are not he basically broke the marriage contract. If you want to marry him just marry him and a new contract with your permission. The Prophet Muhammad says I'm also told us that people seek different qualities in the spouse that they are looking for. Even though the hadith is speak about men but

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apply to men and woman which is people look at the beauty of the of the girl or how handsome demand is.

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And guys, you know what, you have to know that you're not the only one looking for beauty here they are looking for handsome and as well. So many men like and families the talk about like very high standard beauties. And you know what, you need to know that they are looking for the same quality as well. So make sure that you have what it takes to be called a very handsome man. If you're looking for a very

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Beautiful girl. Anyway, so here peoples look for beauty looking for wealth, looking for social status, looking for

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Lee Giamatti, how has it been? Well Nadia so people looking for things like this today people looking for, as I said education but people look for different reasons the past Salam Jana, hello Barbara method. Well, it's deep. And let me just give an example of what's commonly at that time. Then he said and people look for righteousness righteousness. And he said so in for me that had been very Machida make sure that you marry the one who's righteous marry the person who is righteous. Why because righteous person is innocent the grandson of the process alone one set kinda in

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or have a comma will incur Ha, let me have an Imam, righteous person, the person who fear God will never ever abuse your daughter would never abuse your sister would never abuse his wife. If he doesn't like her, they will separate and peace. He will never be nasty divorce cases as we hear some times and if he likes her, she will be inside his art on the top of his head. That's, that's a righteous person and also the apostle himself.

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Man, I thought komentar Vaughn, ADINA, hula hula Hoffa, whoo, those who you like, their character, and their religion, their

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piety, marry them to you're married them. So here are the pros of some of them even character as part of the religion, part of your identity, identity as a Muslim, he'd have a good character, but the personal emphasis on it, and mentioned it by itself, because character is bigger than just being religious. I'm Ken, I'm gonna tell you I've seen a lot of religious people, unfortunately, are very bad husbands. Not because you're, as we say, Man of God, that means you're good. In character, not necessarily. Not necessarily. It shouldn't be. But that's that we are human beings. We're not looking for perfect meat, religious people not supposed to be perfect, infallible, we are all human

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beings make mistakes. But here what is important to look for a good match. And this is basically my first and most important point to

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keep in mind, look for a good match. Look for someone, especially in the character. You know, I had a couple came to me once in the interest of they have a problem with each other. So I was talking to them the guy he is from a certain region and Eastern Europe is European in very active very strong the way he talks, he speaks very fast. Okay, in get angry quickly, talking like you're getting three, four times, just on one side. And in the other end, his wife, man, she is so calm. She is so slow. She barely speak three letters in one minute, not a three word, thriller. Like I'm serious, it takes a long time to die. I myself get a little bit irritated because like, you know, but that's her

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nature. So when you find two completely opposite of each other, in the way they talk the weekend me how you think they're gonna communicate with each other. And they're both divorced. You know, they said opposites attract. I don't believe in that at all. When it comes to character, it could work and I find it working in physical appearance. You are a lot of people mashallah He's skinny, he likes big spas. He's tall, like, sure. This is common, you know, black, like white, white like me, and physical appearance. But character, it's absolutely not true. It's a matter of fact, number one reason for successful marriage is a good matching in character. And in not only character in every

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area, even religious, I will never recommend you. If you are very high religious person, or very loose person to marry someone who is in religiosity, not that strong, or someone who she is. And she said, Oh, he's going to change me or we're going to I'm going to change her. If the, if the difference is so huge between them. That's a recipe for failure in my experience, and if seeing that, as well as education, age, you know, interest, the more that is matching in every area of your life, the more that there is a possibilities or the more chance that your marriage will be successful.

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Number two, don't ever cheat. Don't ever lie. Don't ever hide something specially when you're looking for someone.

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That's that's a recipe for disaster. Then ever hide your financial suit

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status or situation? You know, I get married and after they get married, by the way, I have a $50,000 debt. Oh, great. He starts your marriage with just like the dump everything about you site, don't stones claim something you're not don't claim that you have a job or worse than that people even achieved the claim that they have a citizenship. And after that, oh, I'm done oversensitive. I just hopefully I was thinking about in the future shall us we talked when we I will be a citizen through you to Why didn't you tell me that before married maybe that's what don't ever hide anything, especially health issues. Okay people for example feel shy, maybe they have a mental

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health issues, you know, you have to disclose this you have to mention, that's why I love it. And I was in a slump. And this is a by the way, it's a very unique thing.

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As a jurist when I studied, Islam defined, and this is modern world today, defined religion the same way we define it 1400 years ago, we defined marriage as a contract.

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We define marriage as a contract, because anything applied to contract should apply to manage contract, it has to be disclosed, you have to be honest, you have to be put to everything in front of the other party. Also,

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one other thing is about it telling about one thing that I think it's worth mentioning the past, a lot of people when they look for marriage, what about the past, the past is the past, unless that something can affect you in the future.

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And it telling you those things in the past will never go away. Like for example, you've been convicted, or you have been listed in certain last or with government agencies or things or things in the past maybe drugs or things like this, you have to disclose even if you repent to Allah subhanaw taala from but any personal sins, gone, and it's not going to come up in the future, there is no need for exposing your sin in front of the other person, the other person. Also one of the thing that I want to cite that in Islam, we don't have a relationships out of marriage. And I mean, they're all this boyfriend, girlfriend dating, that's not allowed to stop. But it doesn't mean also

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that you know what, I just don't know the person at all. I've just met someone I have never seen or heard of. No, there is no, we don't agree on that as well. We say that there is a guidelines Allah subhanaw taala said for that to our server, you're not allowed to meet in secret and private, you know, you're not allowed to speak with language which is not proper, when you talk to each others when you talk to each other. It should not be Hello aware there is no supervision or there is no a third party or an isolated places that will not be allowed not be allowed.

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Also, one more thing that is very important for those who are seeking and looking for a spouse for themselves or helping their children.

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A lot of people focus on one quality and they forget about the rest. Human beings don't only discuss one quality. Yeah, look only for one thing. I want him. For example, some people pretty this guy came to me last week I was traveling and told me, Chef, is it allowed for me to look for a wife. I said, I mean you do need to ask us yes. He said no, no, I mean, I go to the master they go to this place is where, you know, Starbucks, whatever the people that I look for why? I just asked myself how would you look for a wife like that? So just I liked her. She liked her Oh girl proposed her.

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I said that's so all what he cares about how she looks like that's not how you find maybe I'm saying it's important to make sure that physically you're attracted to the person. That's why they're in Islam. And it's not it is not allowed for you to sign up. You're not allowed to see my daughter or put a job in front of you. And if you come to propose to my door No. In Islam you have you should see that the pride before engagement before marriage see you and you he she seen so they will feel comfortable with each other. They talk to one another. But what I'm trying to say to focus on one quality, I want someone who has high education. That's it. No people are more than just one quality,

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one quality. I also would like to say that a lot of people fail or be deceived by what I call love from the first sight. Love from the first sight is not always right. Keep that in mind. Love from the first is not always right. It might happen. That chemistry that's fine, but it's can be very deceiving, very deceiving. One more point I would like to end with the first is

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there is a concept a lot of young man and Alain Lalo young woman site. He

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She is the only one. She get to know a little bit the person hinted good to her a little bit. And she became the only one. And he became the only one. Sometimes people like myself have children or parents. I see some of them smiling. You know what we think that this is silly, you know, but you know what the young people they don't see it that way either really feel that way. That even though logically they know that this is not the only one.

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But emotionally that's how you feel. And usually this has happened because of haram things been done during the process. And I want to say there is no such thing as call the only one I know how attached you could be to someone. But the only one I believe, happened after marriage.

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When you marry someone, this is the only one of my life. But before marriage, just get to know the person there is no such thing go he can be bad, he can be good he can be replaced, because marriage is just bigger than the initial emotions that we feel. Marriage is bigger than just the feeling that we might have toward each other marriages have responsibilities. That's why when a woman came to the Prophet Solomon said, you have a Salah and what do you think of so and so as a husband for me what the process of them said kind of look Lama Allah he's a loser have no money are we gonna open out you know, how you can spend it how he can take care of your family or you know me so, there is other

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things has to be looked out when it comes to the merger relationship. May Allah Subhana Allah Daniel Yakama, according Massimo Mostafa.

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Was salat wa salam ala Milena Viva Hua, that my brothers and sisters it is also sad that a lot of people that comes to marriage are very materialistic. Very materials. You know, there's family the only I asked the father to marry his daughter to one of my students once so I talked to the Father and the Father said Yeah, but he's not a doctor.

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I said so he said, I said he's an earning person, man. He's you know,

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it's okay he's a geek but you know he's a good man with all my respect to my IT guys here so I said he's still a good me he said no, I have five daughters all of the married to doctors and she's the six

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I said, Okay, what are you planning to open the hospital is not isn't.

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You know, to me only doctor he said I want to secure her financial future is absolutely ridiculous. Some sort of vehicle or football even if they are poor, but see the profit isn't didn't say he's poor. He said he's the loser. He's a person doesn't have a job. He doesn't keep a job. There is a difference between someone who's not maybe rich, but he's a hardworking person. You know what, I will never mind that person. hardworking person earning person, but someone is a loser. Even if he's a rich, I will never recommend us that person like that. A person who's mediocre in his life. So that's, that's what also one of them that is very important for you to keep in mind is that there

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are certain areas the righteousness, that deep in you so many times we forget about the importance of a person that fears Allah subhanaw taala a person who will help you to be a blast by Allah as part of that a person who will continue this journey with you to even after this life after this life in four without Dean terabit your dad also on Islam is not allowed to propose to someone who's already been proposed to a male or female. A girl cannot go give a hint a family Oh, I like your daughter or your son or something like that, while she know that this boy or this young man already proposed or thinking about something, somebody else. Same thing if you know one brother proposed

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sugar you're not allowed to go to propose over his proposal. And remember, I said this is apply to everyone even even in nowhere. Shamala for example, so even if let's say is it there's no difference between his righteous or his fast he's a Muslim or Catholic. And he let's say you propose to you proposing to a girl who is not a Muslim Christian girl, for example. And you know, someone to propose to her you're not allowed to propose over his proposal. Why? Because this creates animosity in the society, supposed to be big one family. If they love each other and go with each other. There is no need for me to confuse them. Finally, in Islam, we have something called selectors the harder

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you press the hot and also you aren't you make us the shorter you consult you ask? I'm sad when it feels sad actually.

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Feel sad when I hear about uni. Things doesn't go good. If there is a little bit of consultation before the marriage happened, a lot of problem would have been avoided. Because we don't consult that's one of the most important steps to do. Consult ask, asked about why you think Islam said the girl has to have a woody has to have a father has to have some. Because he traveled, he goes and he investigate and he asked not because he controls her know because he has a responsibility to go to ask about the God to investigate about the guy. That's the road so ask him and consult finally it prays to how to ask a lot make a lot of prayer and that Allah guide you. But don't ever think that

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staccato is hey, I personally feel good about it. That's why I married her No, have you? That's not enough. You should look and study and analyze and see the good match and as to how to do that Allah bless your choice, but Allah will never choose for you. You choose for yourself or youth because you bury the responsibility and if your choice and the end of the day, may Allah Allah Allah to give all of us a happy marriage. May Allah Subhan Allah to protect our family or children's and granddam happy marriage. May Allah Subhana Allah Allah to bless you all forgive all our sins, aluminum silicate offal and Afia when I first heard that in dealing with dunya our family with

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Allah amount of the hub as well as you know the react in a Kurata

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mama Allah muffin anybody want to do you know

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what I mean? What a Muslim you know, Muslim

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Amartya

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Sen who took our Fairphone Xena ArcInfo Santa taqwa, Jose,

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Antonio Ramallah or somebody in the home or sandy Maura.