[Ep 12] Is It More Righteous To Have More Than One Wife Fiqh Of Love
Channel: Waleed Basyouni
Series: Waleed Basyouni - Fiqh Of Love
File Size: 18.23MB
Is it an act of righteousness to marry more than wife? Also? Is it a sunnah that you're rewarded for?
The scholars Muslim scholars debated over this issue is it recommended for the person to marry more than one. So there's this, there will be an agreement if marrying a woman woman will not be enough for this man to protect his chastity. And he's still feel like this marriage is not enough for me to be protected, and, and it's still my sexual desire is not fulfilled. It will be recommended for him in case like this to look for another one.
But if it's not, would it be recommended or not? Here we'll have a debate. Some of them said yes, because it means that ability to have more children, there is more woman to take care of, especially by knowing that there is a large number of women who are not married. And some of them that also
it makes the person more protected, make another person protected, as well, which is the other woman that he is married. And some others said,
No, it is just permissible. There's not something that you have an extra reward for doing it. But marriage in itself is an act of worship, and another word where the process is observed. For example, if you marry a wife, you complete half of your Dean's if you're married to complete, the whole Dean doesn't work this way. So he wo Dean,
does it work this way, but but it itself is an act of worship, act of kindness and so forth.
But there is several things to have be taken consideration. Number one, the country that you're living in the land that you're living in, if it is illegal, and that can cause you to go to jail or to cause people to be in trouble. This is something definitely it will be a factor to determine if you can do that or not. Because you can bring harm to solid your family because you want to do something, the best it can be recommended act number two, that you must have, you must be able to be just unfair between them. That's why Allah Allah said, when 15 Allah Tada LUFA, if you Allah didn't say, if you not fair, Allah said, if you are worrying not to be very over afraid of not to be fair,
if there is even possibility for you not to be fair, between them, only men won't marry one. And then maybe Salam said, Those who marry more than one wife. And they're not fair between them, they come in the day of judgment, and they are to half. And one of their half is basically as if you split like to two half on one half is leaning towards the ground. Just imagine that it's very ugly, because he will, he was leaning towards one of them more than the other. And
the only thing that you know, have no control over is the desire and the love that's in the heart. But what is fairness, it's in the action, the treatment and the spending the nights and stuff like that.
So this another thing that you have to take and consider the third point in this regard, is
you can't start you why people get married again.
Many people get married again, because they are not happy in their first marriage. And I want to tell anyone who thinking about that, you know, if you're not successful in your first marriage definitely doesn't mean you're going to be successful in the second one or your first marriage will be solved by marrying another one is going to double the problem. My advice to the person who is struggling in his first minute, fix your marriage, you know, and if you fix the problem in your marriage, you know, after that, you know, you can do whatever you want, if that's something you want to do. But it's it's another solution for your first marriage is to just to run away from the
problem by looking into another one. And you just ignore or pretend that's not exist. Another thing a lot of people get married,
you know, just to prove a point that she's you know, macho golf, a man got a strong or whatever, you know,
that really doesn't prove anything. marrying another woman. It's a big responsibility. Marriage is a very serious things in Islam, and those who marry another one and don't neglect them and they don't give them the rights, keep them secrets and all those kinds of things. It's not right, and it's not correct. You know, and is not allowed in Islam.
Because the woman have rights and the only reason that you marry her because marriage will provide a decent, dignified, secured, loving life and if he can provide
That's not correct.
Many people also joke about this a lot and, and making it as a threat, also to the wife, or marrying another one, as if this is second wife thing is a bad thing, you know, and it is like a threat, I'm going to punish you by meeting another one. And that would meet a lot of people
have very negative view of polygamy, you because of that type of talk and this red record, it's a threatened punishment, and I'm going to marry another one, I'm going to be abandoned you also the practice of so many people who are not fair. And just as when they marry another one, always give this bad image of this concept. But in reality, this concept is meant actually to be a very good solution for society. You know, there's many sisters are staying single along, they don't have husbands. And, you know, unfortunately, the many of them have reality speaking, you know, I'm talking about being practical, but the the chance of marrying someone who's not married, is getting
slim, very slim, for so many of them, what's the solution should just stay single like that for the rest of her life? You know, so Islam have put that as an as an a solution for this kind of problems. You know,
that's why I, I really would like to say that the concept of polygamy is a concept that it is unfairly treated by so many Muslims, you know, around the world, and something that it has been abused, you know,
like many things, that it is permissible, but you might abuse it. And it turned out to be something negative. And it originally intended to be something good to be a solution to be a tool of helping a tool of growing a strong family and strong community.
And in the West, today, and many other civilizations, they talk, they attack Islam, because it's allowed polygamy while they themselves, the last people in the world who should ever speak about polygamy or anything like that, because the amount of cheating and the sort of like, you know, multiple
sexual relationships, it's the average, you know, concept and Western civilizations, that people will have a sexual issue with multiple people at certain point. I'm not saying everybody at the same time, but they're the course of life, you know, especially if they are not married.
Islam have provided solution to control that desire for those who want to control it, a solution for those women who don't have anyone to take care of them. And marriage again, as we've been teaching this course sorry, for the long answer. Teaching is not just about
a woman that asleep whether the man that asleep with marriage is responsibility. Marriage is love. Marriage is feelings, marriage support. Marriage is a religious group, faith, we grow together and faith, marriage is all this together, and also also the intimate and physical attraction. So
if we look into this, I'm sure this was will help people to put this as on a different perspective than what we see in the world today.
Thank you so much.
So I had a few follow up questions or that. So there are some Muslim majority countries and you said that it's wrong for a man to marry another woman, of course, behind the back of his first wife is morally wrong for us. But the people that do do that, and Muslim majority countries, their justification, is that like, I don't legally from an sanctuaries perspective. I don't need my first wife's permission. From jurisprudential standpoint, therefore, from jurisprudential standpoint, I don't need to even inform my first wife, that I have a second wife. And of course, that creates problems, but like, how do you from the jurisprudential standpoint, approach this individual? What
like, the lead, that's the right word for it? Should you give this individual in order to, you know, sway them because otherwise, they're just going to be like, you're just giving me the words of a human being? Okay. Good question. Yes. You don't need the permission of your first wife to get married again. You know, that's true. But also, she doesn't need to stay in this marriage. If you're married another one.
She has every right to divorce. And she said, I am not happy with that. I mean, how he will marry another woman and his first wife would have no that's kind of, you know, maybe in a short period of time, but to the long run, what about every night every other night? He sleeps outside?
What he's going to tell her, you know, okay, even you might say
He make an arrangement with the second wife that he will go there occasionally or every month, like twice. Okay, I understand that. But again, isn't that also the right of the first wife to know? You know that her husband's What if this woman that he married have some
whatever, you know, just having multiple people that just leave with can attract certain type of, you know, sexual diseases or transmitted diseases or
no doubt it will, it will, women will notice the difference between her husband if you marry number one or not, that's one to one of this woman don't want to live in this. I don't want. That's her right? She can say I don't want to be married to someone who's married. And nobody can blame her that when father middle, the Alana,
earlier on the line was thinking about marrying the daughter of a Buddha was a Muslim interview. So someone said no, well, Lila is Tanya and they will not be together under one roof, the daughter of rasool Allah and the daughter of the enemy of Allah. And he said so and so my mother in law's, my other daughters husband, they promised in the end, they fulfill the promise. So let me set from this highlight, it looks like the process on them have made a promise that he made them to make a promise in the marriage contract that they will not marry another one.
And that's one of the tech one of that technical ways if you want to go technical, for the wife and the marriage contract to say, You know what, I want to put a condition that you cannot marry another one.
And if she cannot say you cannot marry another one, because she cannot change the rules in Islam, but she can say I put a condition if you marry another one, you must inform me and I have the right to reserve the right to divorce without losing any of my financial, you know, privilege or anything like that. And then of course, you're not forced to be the one who makes holo, initiate the palapa no ship preserve all her or she might say, if you marry another one, you know, before he married her, you have to give me $100,000.
You know, I will own from your properties that amount of money as a compensation for the harm that he can she can put whatever conditions she might want to protect, at this point, some of her rights, you know, that's fine. So
remember, marriage is a contract so whatever into the contract goes as long as not something that make Halal haram haram halal, that's fine.
And, you know, I have advice for all husbands like that issue of secrets, marriage is not a good idea at all. And if it's completely secrets, we will not we'll get to know today, inshallah data that does not even select the correct isn't the whole purpose behind a marriage for it to not be secret. Absolutely. That's why actually the license or the difference between marriage and prostitution is the publicity,
prostitution seekers, marriage is open.
Is that law hidden? One last question, inshallah. What if a wife, right, I'm trying to give you a scenario.
She is like, there's, there's a husband, basically, he has two wives. But he makes a stipulation that one wife gets less, sees him less often than the other, perhaps maybe once, like, basically, can a husband stipulate with his wives that, hey, I'm not going to see you as often as the other wife. Also, can one wife is halal? For the stipulation to go as far as I'll never see you again.
Just just to keep your family honor and dignity, we're going to be married and on paper, we will never see each other again, in our lives, is that if a man marry a woman, and he said, I will never see you again, that's not a lot because there is responsibility, who have to support her financially has to be there for her emotionally and all the purpose of marriage does not exist. You know, but if, let's say,
she said, You know what, I don't need anything from you. I just, you know, whenever you want to come, you can come, you know,
at home and
I'm fine financially, I'm good. I'm not interested in any physical relationship.
You know, I'm gonna just spend the rest of my life take care of my kids, and
that's her rights and you give up her right? But for him to put it in her know. So in this scenario is the wife that puts up on the husband, and it's not like you can come every once in a while. It's like, never see me again. I don't want to see you again. It's more of a way of maintaining the image of
The family and the children make giving the relatives the illusion that they're still married. But like, it's just mainly to maintain dignity. It's not that that illusion would be very difficult to maintain if you've never seen each other because any kind of family situation, like weathers gatherings on the holidays.
This is like, Where's your husband? Oh, I don't know.
How's that gonna go? I think what those people need need a counselor, should the sister need a counselor, she just afraid to face the society with divorce. And when we talk about divorce, there is a whole stigma about divorce woman, you know, and maybe that's what it does. And then she needs to know that she doesn't need to go through that. If you need help and support, you know, what, if it's not work is not working? Hollis? What if What if one party stigmatizes counseling due to of course, family culture? And for that reason? Like, there's no like, they can get counseling, because like one party sees counseling as like a weakness. So they will maybe one party only do the
counselor doesn't need to be both. Okay, at least she can know what to do. I think at some point, people gotta be like health with family thinks I got to do what I got to do. Right. But that takes a little bit of strength.
However, the other question that was kind of building on what he was saying earlier, there's a, as I understand it, there's a difference in the sense of like, being fair, does not necessarily mean being equal to both partners, right? Like, let's say, a dude has a wife. And with her, she he's had two three kids, and they've been married for 10 years. And then he pursues a second wife, who has one kid, you know, from a previous marriage, but like, equity would say that he would spend more time with the wife with two kids than the wife with one kid is just as an example, right? Yeah, fairness doesn't mean necessarily equal equality or equal to be equal in everything. But there is
are some things no like for example, nights, you have to be equal nights, unless one of them give up or nights or he take up permission
some people give this stories of Miss erode, got salt for his wife, so he got another soul for the other one. You know, this is like just a symbolic thing. But the reality is, you make sure the both maintain a good life and they're happy. So for example, someone who likes gold, someone doesn't like, you know, doesn't let you like sober for example, or this one like cheese, this one doesn't like cheese doesn't mean I have to get her cheese pie if I got this one cheese, pie, and so on. So the point is like what you said, also, I have little kids here, I have older kids, they're the older kids lean more attention on time. So that has no dude the wife has to the kids. And that's
completely different game. For example, this one has five kids, and this was single. So no doubt the money I spend the lists are the type of house for this one with five kids or four kids cannot be equal to the house for someone who's never no kids. This will be an apartment, for example, this will be out. So that concept of equality. No, she has a house. I have to have a house. No, I'll take us 20 years to buy a house and you just came yesterday you think you want to buy a house to to be fair, no, we will go through that. And we will as long as they maintain a good life for her. The good thing in America hummed a lot illegal so we didn't need to worry about polygamy much. She's I
just have one question. So if somebody has a secret marriage, is is he sinning? Or is the marriage invalid? We'll talk about this today. But if it is completely secretive, completely, this marriage is illegal is invalid meaning a danger now they have to know Don't call the Xena but this call what Bishop any one of the one of the things that any any relationships in a marriage that this marriage is missing one of the conditions or missing one of the integral. Okay, we call this walk Bishop. It's a it's a sexual relationship that doesn't make them fast enough or Zanni or anything of that nature. Their kids still carry the lineage and everything, but we call this as has to be renewed. So
personal like this. We have to tell them you have to publicize otherwise, we separate them