Intro Holly ann Martin

Wael Ibrahim

Channel: Wael Ibrahim

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Very Good morning everyone. This is where Ella Brahim, the co founder and representative of the aware Academy. And I wanted to just confirm before we get started if, if you can hear me and see me clearly, can you just confirm in the chat box if you can hear me and see me, clearly, please.

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Beautiful, beautiful.

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I hope we can see this interaction throughout the day. This is going to be a long day. This is the first ever online webinar organized by the Academy. And we will talk a little bit about aware Academy later on, but I wanted to jump into the chunk of today's program. First of all, I wanted to apologize about the confusion regarding the timing, ever since we have announced about the program. It was

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it was scheduled for 10am Perth, time and Perth and Philippines, Hong Kong, Malaysia.

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Who else industry in China and all that that timezone was scheduled accordingly. However, when we, when we reach over 700 participants, we didn't have the platform to accommodate that number. So we have to search for zoom, business license and so on until we got one. And and that made the confusion because when we scheduled the I the meeting, it was scheduled for 9am. We wanted to go to come an hour earlier, just to make sure that technologies wouldn't fail us. So some people thought that the event itself will start at 9am. So I apologize. And thank you so much for coming an hour earlier, this is really will always be appreciated. Secondly, I wanted to thank everyone, speakers

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and participants. And I just wanted to brought to your attention something very important. And that is this event has been

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drawn the attention of people from over 50 countries. And this is something I have never seen in my career since I've started talking and addressing the harm of the harmful impacts pornography 52 countries, registration came from over 50 countries, in fact, 52 countries and I stopped counting at 52. I couldn't go through each email to see where these people came from. So I stopped at number 52. And don't ask me why I stopped. It was too boring process to go through the emails plus the time ran out. I ran out of time. Honestly, this morning, I was going in and talking to my colleague, Liz Walker. And I was telling her, we have 3030 countries. And then 10 minutes later I thought we reach

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40 countries. And then just before logging in and say it's we hit 50 countries. So I'm so grateful to everyone who had registered. And as we can imagine, from 50 plus countries, we can see that some people will not be able to join us live because of time differences. So yes, I know Mexico, I'm going to read to you guys, before we get started with the first speaker, I'm going to read to you every country until the 52. And I hope to do that super quickly. But I wanted to do that to acknowledge the efforts of people from across the globe, who really wanted to get the knowledge, the education around how to raise intelligent children, who will not fall into the trap of porn that

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could ruin their lives on so many different levels.

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So thank you. Thank you. Thank you once again. So who are the

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winners? Which countries have ridges? So let me let me do that super quickly. All right. We got Egypt and there is no order intended whatsoever.

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Egypt and then we have a country that I struggled to pronounce it. I went online couple of times to actually know how to pronounce it and I hope I can do justice to the pronunciation. It is called czechia. I hope that is absolutely correct. So czechia I don't know if that's correct. We have people from Australia Of course. We have Pakistan, South Africa, Sudan,

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Bangladesh, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Malaysia,

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Sri Lanka, Mexico, Mexico King, Lebanon, I can see people already jumping in the chat to say Lebanon. We have Brunei, Kuwait, the UK,

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Qatar, the UAE, Dubai, Sharjah and so many cities by the way from each countries we can I can see

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Many cities and my intention was to read the cities, but it became too much. We have people from Morocco, Turkey, Mauritius, Guinea, Canada, we have so many people from Canada, Toronto, Vancouver and so on Niger, Benning, Austria, Ghana, Norway, Israel, Maldives, Lebanon, Belgium, Ukraine, Palestine,

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Singapore, Sweden, France, can you imagine France, Nepal, Japan, Spain, Ireland, New Zealand, Italy. Whoo, I could go forever. We have people so many people from India, the US, Iraq, Hong Kong, Jordan, may Mar, oh man, a man, the Philippines. I can never thank you guys enough for showing up and for showing such a great interest

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in, in attending our event, to learn how to protect our children from that monster called pornography. We have experts from just like how we have so many people from different walks of life, different countries, different backgrounds, different faiths, people with no faith at all have registered people with different upbringing, from all walks of life. We also have speakers who came from different backgrounds carrying so much experience, I have counted the years of each person in that sphere. And I found that we have over 16 years of experience combined in protective behavior, and porn addiction education. So I hope and I pray that this event will be one of the resources that

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will be used by millions of people around the world to help protect and raise resilient and smart children who will not fall prey to tomography.

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Having said that, I wanted to just give you a quick brief

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introduction about aware Academy. So the academy started in Egypt as the aware campaign about four or five years ago. That was the initial initiative started by Dr. Mohammed who was the founder of the aware campaign, and he was only focusing on the Middle East, actually, he was focusing on Egypt, only from the confinement of his house, he just started posting on Facebook about the harmful impact pornography. And such a small initiative grew massively in such a short span of time attracting people from all over the Middle East. To up until now we have, I think over 3 million plus

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followers on Facebook alone. And we have covered all other social media and that is only the Arabic

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effort of Dr. Muhammad Joel and his teams all over the the Middle East. And I've been in that research myself personally. My name is Wade Ibrahim, for those who don't know me. And I have started that research about 12 years, or 13 years ago, when a young man came to me confessing his addiction, addiction to pornography, and a wanted to actually commit suicide. And that brought me so many years back when I was in an early, you know, my life in the in the early 90s, where we use those who access pornography, through tapes and magazines and whatnot. And then with the rise of the Internet, we became also addicted somehow. And back in the days, if you from my generation, you would recall,

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if you have seen pornography, you will recall the pornography back then was just static pictures on on the internet. And you will keep on clicking on those pictures until it takes you to the payment page. And most of us came from that poor background, we wouldn't ever bother to pay for such rubbish. So we just close the page and find other pages that will give us static pictures. Even at that time, we used to become very, very consumed with these images. But today, pornography is absolutely something different. And I will leave that to the experts to elaborate later on. But as we as I as I remember those days and seen that man who was at that time, 18 years or 19 years of

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age, wanted to end up his life because he cannot focus on his studies. He cannot focus on his life. He he became isolated, depressed, and at the end he wanted to commit suicide. So it hits me that oh my god, that could have been mean, that could be my children in the future. And then I started doing the research and as a result, I became very

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Presented later on, when I saw the efforts of aware in Egypt, I said, why should they reinvent the wheel? They already have an establishment, big followers, let us join hands. And instead of creating another organization, why can't you? Why can't we just join that effort together and reach out to as many cities and countries around the world. So our vision is to see teams on ground aware teams on ground in every city in the world, that's our vision and dream people on ground to raise awareness, education, and help those people who are suffering in silence as a result of the addiction to pornography, that's our vision. And this is what we hope to achieve from such communication with you

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guys. So if you wish to reach us out and and and get the necessary training so that you can become part of the aware Academy team on ground in your city, please email us all the emails and the details will be left as we progress throughout the day.

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Today, all right, this is a way Academy now we are launching very soon. And massive website in the Arabic section as well as in the English speaking world courses and training and certification programs, which we will talk about later during the day. without too much talking. I am done with toking now I want to leave the platform to my dear friend the first speaker, but let me change first the

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the screen Just give me a second.

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I love it when technology work. I love it.

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Okay.

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All right. It's not coming up. So I have to end up cheering

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Okay.

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All right. I think the poster is not coming. But let me let me do it one more time.

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Okay, just one more time. We're still on time. And I promise you, we will start on time and finish on time this time, okay.

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All right, is the same poster pop up. So I will I will not show the poster for now. But for now, let me introduce my dear friend, our first speaker, Holly and Martin,

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the managing director of safe for kids, and with experience of over 30 years, working with children and schools in the area of protective behavior and safety within the online world. And is the author of several books, and I will let her introduce her books later on. And she's one of the first supporters of the aware Academy. And whenever we asked her for support and help and assistance, she never say no, including today's presence. Holy and the microphone is yours. Please show us how it's done.

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Thanks while and yeah, I was fine up until you started to read out all of those countries. And from there I've gone Oh my god. This is getting real. So I'm so proud to be a part of this. My name is Holly and Martin. And I'm the managing director of safer kids, safe for kids in the West Australian organization that is dedicated to producing resources and teaching abuse prevention education across Well, it was across Australia that recently it's been a bit more global, which is fantastic.

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That because I get to stay in front of about four and a half 1000 children a year. And I've been teaching abuse prevention education

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for over 35 years, but safer kids started back in 2007, where I saw a huge need for resources. So I quit my job and started doing this.

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And probably for the first four years, I never had to speak to children about pornography. But by about 2010 2011 it was becoming more and more evident that I needed to speak about abuse prevention education as well as

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include photography in that because I was hearing from the children. So what I did was I included

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as part of the public and private lesson, I included talking about private pictures and private movies. Now you're going to hear from experts today and I'm sure they're going to put up lots of statistics and and things like that and from the state

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statistics that I've read, you know, some people say that children are coming across porn by 11.

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In my experience, I think the average age of kids looking at porn is eight. But I say that we need to make these, I believe that we need to start the conversation when children are sick. And the reason that I say that is, and when I say that, parents, of course are horrified and teachers,

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you know, don't want to talk about it. But I say it's my six, because

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what happens is, when I'm teaching the children, when we're talking about public and private body parts, and it's really important that kids use the correct anatomical nicely body parts. So we start off with rooms, and then things that you do with your body. And in there, I talk about private pictures and private movies. Now, I was in a small school, where I had 32, seven year olds. And what I do with the children is we talk about,

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you know, where my children see pictures, or movies and people, no clothes on. And children can tell me on iPhones on iPads, YouTube always comes out. And if we have time, I might show you a YouTube clip, I forget how to do that.

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Because children are seeing this stuff from a very early age. And so I talked to them about you know what to do about it. And I'll show you how to do that in a moment. But when I finished the lesson, I'm standing in the doorway, letting the children go out to play. There are 32, seven year olds in the room.

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All of a sudden, eight of them stayed behind. And I've said Come on, I think I want a cup of tea, I think I can play. They said no, Miss, we need to talk to you.

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Off the 32 children. Unfortunately, I stayed behind and came up individually to say how they had seen porn on YouTube. Not one child had told a parent for fear of getting into trouble, or having the device taken away.

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And I said, Oh, you know,

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what are you going to do? And so I gave them the language throughout the lesson. And each of the children, fortunately, went home and told parents because

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that night, I ran a parent workshop. And I had parents coming up and saying, oh, my goodness, I hadn't realized and things like that. And one of the other interesting things is that when we're brainstorming about where children can see the pictures, they never say magazines or on calendars, because it's so last century.

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But children are always telling me that now they're seeing it at the grandparents houses because here in Australia, lots of families have families own or net nanny or protection on the computers. But grandparents don't think to do that. So if you are a grandparent, just be aware that children

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you know, they're pretty savvy. And I had a child actually even say that, when when we were just one doing another brainstorm. I said, Where might you see them? And he said on an airplane, and I didn't think anything of it. Oh, yeah. Okay. And then the very next week, I was sitting next to a man on a plane watching Game of Thrones. And I've looked down and gone. Yep, that's what that young man was talking about. He's obviously sat next to somebody on a plane, watching something inappropriate.

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You know, I know of people sitting next to people on buses and things like that. So it's really important that we give children language to be able to tell us and debrief this stuff.

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I am going to show you now some photos. So if you these, these are photos of images that children have drawn, I took them outside of a grade five classroom on the footpath so I'm going to hold them up in front of the camera. And so if you don't want to see them because they are very graphic, so I'm showing them to you to just show how much porn is impacting children and how well they're watching it. So some of them are really quite

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naive.

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But then they get a lot more graphic. So please turn away if you don't want to see them. But these are done by nine or 10 year olds 11 at the most.

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Now this one is very graphic, and I believe a year for medical student couldn't draw as anatomically correct as this child

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Now I'm showing you those because to be able to draw that,

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that well, kids must be watching a great deal of pornography to see those sorts of things. So this is why we have to start talking to children from a very young age. And it's, you know, it's not about with six year olds, it's not about the, you know, later on, you'll hear from the magazine, Liz Walker about.

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I'm sure she will talk about, you know, getting teenagers to understand that it's not, you know,

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how to get the terminologies that he uses.

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But to make up your own mind sort of thing with little kids, all we do is we talk about, you know, if you see pictures or movies, go and tell a grown up,

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actually, no, take that back, go and show a grown up. I used to say tail with children. Until recently, I had an experience where somebody had tagged me into child exploitation material on Instagram, somebody had obviously come across something heinous, involving children and an adult. And what they did was on Instagram, they tagged at safer kids, which is me, at FBI at Center for Missing and Exploited Children. And so I just got a message on Instagram. So I opened it up, and I could not believe my eyes of what I was saying, Yeah, I teach children about this all the time. So, you know, I knew what to do.

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So what I did was I took a screenshot of the man's face, but not the children, a screenshot of his his account, but I didn't take a screenshot of the person that tagged me in because I didn't know what it was about. And then when I went to do that, it had disappeared. And I hadn't realized that that sort of thing could happen.

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But what happened was, you know, we tell kids don't look at it turn away and things like that. But even I've gone back and had to look at the second time because they can't be right. It's, you know, and so

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I was so traumatized by what I saw, My office is in my gut at the bottom of my garden. So I got up into the house to tell my husband exactly what I saw. Now, I think I'm pretty articulate. And so I've explained to him what, you know, really, in graphic detail exactly what I've seen, and he's gone. Oh, yeah.

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And I've got no, you don't understand, it's not all yours. And I'm crying my eyes out. And I'm really traumatized.

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And I still get flashbacks about what i saw that i and it was horrible. So I got online, I went on. And I at the time, I didn't report it to Instagram, because I'd read so much in social media that Facebook and Instagram were being under because of the virus, they were under demand and stuff like that. So we went straight to the Australian Federal Police website and reported it there.

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And so if you come across images like that, this is what you need to do, and also teach children to show you and then

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and I'll show you exactly how I teach it to the kids in a moment. But they need to show you and then you need to report if you see images of children, especially a lot of when children are sexting and sending nude images and stuff like that, that needs to be reported. I had a mum, just last week, tell me how her daughter 11 years of age.

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A 14 year old boy supposedly was chatting to her and asked her for nude images and had sent a picture of himself and stuff. So I talked her through exactly how I'm going to teach you that you either go on to the east Safety Commission if you're in Western Australia, in Australia, or the

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AFP, the Federal Police. And so I went on reported it and said I have pictures if you need them.

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And the beautiful thing was, they did get back to me the very next day and said, Look, Holly, thank you, they phoned me and said, Look, thank you. Your report came through last night we had somebody else in Australia email this morning that they'd seen exactly the same staff. It was obviously an overseas

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you know, video, we've reported it to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children in the US and so

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it was dealt with. But the problem is, I still get flashbacks that was

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all just spontaneously that pitcher burst into might come into my head and I burst into tears. And my husband doesn't understand why I'm doing that. And kids can't unsee stuff either. So that's why I'm

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I need them to if they see images of naked people, I need them to bring it to you and show you because I'm articulate. And if, if a child says they might come and say I saw pictures of people with no clothes on. And, you know, that is not what they saw. And we know and you'll hear throughout the day, people be reiterating this. We know that 88% of pornography is violence against women.

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So one of the big things as part of protective education we need to teach is the concept of consent. And consent is so important because when I'm working with 14 year old young men in high school, they they're my favorite group to work with, to be honest. Because 14 year old boys don't have a filter. They just tell you stuff or just want to know stuff. Whereas 14 year old young girls in my experience can be a bit early and snarly and sneaky and a bit standoffish. Whereas the fellows just just ask me questions. So I was in a school, I had 5014 year olds.

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I have a poster that says we can talk about anything. And I wasn't there specifically to talk about pornography. But I've put this poster up behind me, I've turned around, and a boy's got his hand up.

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And I said, mate, normally I'll give you some information. And then I asked questions. That's how class goes. And he said, No, Miss, I've got a question now. And I've said, Okay, go on, then ask your question. And excuse my language, but he's gonna miss Why do so many women like anal sex?

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And I've just stood there. I didn't bring blink, I didn't. I just, I stay deadpan. And I said, I'm going to ask that for you. But before I do, how many of you young men have had sex? And they're all looking around the room at each other? or none of us? Miss. We haven't even kissed a girl yet.

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So I said, so how do you know that? Oh, because of all the porn, hey, and they're all nudging each other all the time we're watching. And they they said that they watch at least two hours a week of pornography.

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So I posted this, we can talk about anything. So I had to go there with these young men. And I saw, so I said to them, okay, so and you want to know about anal sex, I would say now what is your bottom, it's a muscle and I've got my hand up. And I'm saying, and it's not made, for things to go back the other way, a vagina gets wet because of kissing and that sort of stuff. And so I have to go there. And so I'm going to be very, again, very frank with you, and I wasn't going to but I think you're here to learn. So I'm going to show you the language that I use with the young men.

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I explained to them

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that in these movies that they're watching, that, you know, there is no kissing, there is no foreplay, there is no pleasure for women, there is no consent. And so we talked about that, you know, with, you know, in a normal, beautiful, loving relationship, and it was a Catholic school. So again, I have to say married.

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So, depends, you know, this has been seen around the world. So you'll use that language for your audience. But I said, you know, a vagina gets wet because of kissing and foreplay and things like that. But a bottom doesn't get wet. So you need to use lubrication. It's not made for things to go up. And I was very blunt. And I said, you know, those people in those movies are actors. And, you know, they because it's their job, they exercise that muscle, so they might use something to make it larger and

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and it doesn't go from one orifice into another orifice without washing it. But you don't see that in the movie. So I was very, very frank with these young men. I've got three male teachers in the classroom, two of them wanted to hide under the desk. One of them was fantastic and was really interactive, and he helped out a great deal.

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But these young men, and again, this is going to be very blunt. But these young men were describing coke cans in vaginas, women having sex with animals.

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We've been having sex with machines, and that will just very,

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you know blab about it. And that was saying, Oh, this is just so funny. And so I've gone Okay, fellas, how? How much do you think a porn star gets paid? a million bucks Miss half a million bucks. Miss. I said would interest you to know that the porn industry is the only industry that I know of in the world where women are actually paid more than me. They get $1,000 and the boys are going what to do that? I said yeah. I said what do you think they do with that? $1,000 per movie. And they one young man goes up and goes on nice. I think they buy costumes. I said buddy, I don't know what you're watching but the stuff that I

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Know About the right to many costumes. I said no, it either, you know, goes in their arm or up their nose, much of the money goes on

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drugs and or alcohol, because they need to do that to do the next movie and, and, you know, I'm just trying to

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make these young men realize that that's somebody's sister that somebody's daughter,

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they are so desensitized to what they say when they said it was funny, you know, describing all this horrible stuff. It really brought home to me that in 10 years time, these 14 year olds are going to be our future teachers, police, doctors, nurses, parents, and they just don't see those women in the movies as humans. And so it, you know, this drives me to, you know, to keep to work with these amazing people that you're going to see today to keep educating about this.

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You know, it is changing children's lives. I have girls telling me that high school girls say Oh, yes, I'm never having sex. It's so filthy. It's so disgusting. Because the boys are taking their phones to school and showing each other. I mean, recently, I've been aware that a lot of kids are taking them either iPads or phones and showing each other the movie 365 days. Now,

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when I was made aware of this movie Blitzer, I was watching an interview with Gail dines, who's an absolute legend in this field. And she mentioned 365 days. So I've gone on to Netflix and had a look at it, the day I looked at it and watch the movie myself.

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Because if I'm going to talk to kids, unfortunately, I have to watch this stuff. So it was ma plus, and I should have grabbed my phone and taken a picture of that, but I didn't. Now fortunately, it is R rated. But still kids are watching these sorts of things. So

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it's really important that you know, you have protection on Netflix and whatever technology that you have against throughout the day, I'm sure experts will tell you about that sort of stuff.

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I bliss as well here, I'm not an expert in the field, I'm just very passionate because of my experience with children and what they're telling me.

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Um, so back to consent.

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I really, no matter whereabouts in the world, you're watching this, I really hope that we can get adults to understand that we need to teach consent from this big

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I, I would never take a baby from a parent without saying Can I have a cuddle? I put up my hands. If the baby puts out their hands, I'd take them. If the baby went like this, I wouldn't take them. So when people hear the word consent, they go straight to sex. Consent is about body autonomy. It's not, you know, just think about sex. And so it's really important that people help families understand this as well, because I'm getting lots of messages from mum saying, Holly, I've been watching all your stuff talking about consent, and we're teaching it with our kids. But their grandparents or their you know, extended family won't listen, and they just grabbed my kid and

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kissed them and things like that. And I was doing a talk

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last week to a group who

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they were, it was a group that help people in the community.

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And I had 30 people in the group, only three women, but everybody just about everybody in the group was a grandparent. And when I'm saying to the grandparents, the greatest gift you'll give your grandchild is teaching them about consent.

00:33:52--> 00:34:31

This man took issue with me and I'm not a pedophile, I should just be allowed to, you know, grab, you know, kiss my grandchildren when I want to or put them on my knee or tickle them if I want. And I basically had to talk him off the roof because he was really really defending himself saying, you know, What, are you saying I'm a pedophile? No, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, if you as a grandparent model, consent to your grandchildren, what a gift. If kids know that their parents will ask to wipe their bottom asked to brush their hair, ask them, you know, to do anything, when I'm working with kids. And I want to give them a high five. I don't just put up my hand I say can I give

00:34:31--> 00:34:46

you a high five? If you don't want to? That's fine. We need to empower children to know about consent. Because back to the story of the mum that contacted me about her daughter being contacted by the 14 year old boy who probably wasn't even 14.

00:34:49--> 00:34:58

He she the mum said I mean, the fact that I think she was even on there at 11 or 12. She might have been anyway. She was under 13

00:35:00--> 00:35:04

She said, I can't stop talking to him because I don't want to upset him.

00:35:06--> 00:35:19

And that's the whole thing we need to, you know, get our children to understand that they own their bodies, and that nobody should be doing anything to their bodies without their consent. So, you know, if a child goes to,

00:35:21--> 00:35:36

you know, the doctor, the doctor should ask to touch their body, if they've got a boil on an altar look in their mouth. If we're modeling this for children, if I understand this, then that's one thing that's going to combat, you know, the impact that porn is having on our children, because

00:35:37--> 00:35:51

I've written a parent Handbook, and I was dropping it off to our hospital that take in, take children that have been abused, and they interview them and take forensics and stuff like that. And the last time I dropped off the books,

00:35:52--> 00:36:05

one of the head, Sykes was saying that they're seeing two girls a week, 14 year old girls a week that have gone to a party, a boy has, you know, they thought that they were consenting to sex,

00:36:06--> 00:36:35

vaginal sex, but he's, he's not gone, there is gonna open up the hole. And you know, these girls are being damaged. And they just don't understand. And, you know, when two kids are telling me that they, you know, I say, why would you look at that, oh, to learn technique is to learn style. That's not the right technique, and there's no style, that also, they're looking at that stuff. Because, in my experience here in Australia, where we are very liberal, I feel

00:36:37--> 00:37:14

we are still rubbish at teaching sex education, in my experience, schools, you know, are doing STI and unwanted pregnancies. So you're going to get syphilis and have a baby, you don't want that we're not doing the respect for relationships, you know, how to ask somebody out. And, you know, the porn industry is laughing, because, you know, teenagers are taking that as their sex education. And so, you know, we need to be telling them about pleasure for women, because in so many of the movies, there is no, you know, women

00:37:16--> 00:37:20

are being dominated. I also know of an organization that

00:37:21--> 00:37:28

there was a foster mother told me the story, her 16 year old foster child with an intellectual disability,

00:37:30--> 00:37:53

head was questioning his sexuality. And so she took him to this organization, and their recommendations to him was, well, if you watch gay porn, that's how you would and I've just, I lost it. I could not, I could not believe that they would give that a standard answer here in Australia, you need to be over a dangerous ecography. So he's only 16.

00:37:54--> 00:38:26

That, you know, in my, from, from what I've heard, and talked to experts about, you know, gay pornography is, you know, there's a very dominant person and, and a tiny little person being pound, excuse me doing so graphic, that is not going to face not education. And this, this organization to be recommending that to young people just blew my mind. We have to do good, really good, thorough, respectful relationship stuff.

00:38:27--> 00:38:33

So I just want to show you how I teach six year olds, about,

00:38:34--> 00:38:59

about this in class. So I pull out this book that I wrote, and I say to the children, we're going to pretend this is an iPad. And I'm going to type in series, that a picture of a lady with no clothes on that big fairy wings comes up, what should I do, and the kids go wonky put up his head ago, will miss i'd type in fairies with clothes on.

00:39:00--> 00:39:08

Like, you silly woman would buy me laugh. But it's not that easy. You can't just type in various clothes on.

00:39:10--> 00:39:46

So what I teach the children to do is if it's an iPad, I need to flip it over. And I need to remember to go and show an adult what they saw. If it's an iPhone, to you know, flip it over, if it's a laptop, close the lid, if it's a computer, just shut it you know, just turn off the screen, so you don't see it again. But you must show an adult what you saw because kids are describing flashbacks and nightmares to me that they're having. I was talking to somebody recently who was counseling an eight year old child who couldn't sleep. And

00:39:48--> 00:39:53

you know, she couldn't sleep because every time she closed her eyes, those pictures would come into her mind. So

00:39:54--> 00:39:57

we need to give kids the language so I explained to them

00:39:58--> 00:39:59

that

00:40:00--> 00:40:28

Your brain is amazing. And in your brain, you've got all these connections, millions and millions of connections. But if you see pictures or movies that people know close on, it changes the connections in your brain, it rewires your brain. And even if you see stuff that makes you feel yuck, you go back and look at it, because it tricks your brain. Because it releases a chemical in your brain called dopamine, if I'm running around my brain create a little bit of dopamine to say, hey, Holly, keep running around.

00:40:29--> 00:41:10

Or if I'm eating chocolate, a little bit of dopamine to say, hey, Holly gave me chocolate. But if I see peach, so most people no closer, it's like a flood of this dopamine in my brain, and our brain loves it. So even if it makes you feel yak, you'll still look at it. So I teach them to either and flip it over or turn it off, turn the screen off, not shut it down, turn away and say that's private, out loud, and then report it. And that's like turning off the dopamine tap. And I say to them, if that picture pops into your mind, I want you to close your eyes and picture something that you like to see or you like to do. Because, you know, just to try and give them some sort of skills

00:41:10--> 00:41:15

around this. So in this book that I wrote, the teachers teaching the kids about

00:41:16--> 00:41:32

safe and unsafe pictures. And what happens is, she teaches them just like I've told you, this young man's watching Minecraft, videos on YouTube, which I actually the reason I wrote that, and we're going to run out of time, so I'm not going to get to show you the video, but

00:41:34--> 00:41:40

it's on it's on my safer kids. YouTube channel anyway, if you want to go and have a look at it.

00:41:41--> 00:42:26

It was I typed in Minecraft into YouTube. And down the side, they had all the thumbnails with the mind, character, mind, mind craft characters in different sexual positions. And so I wrote it into the story. And so that night, this little fellow has these nightmares. So in the morning, he goes to his mom, and he tells his mom exactly what he saw. And she said, mate, you're not in trouble. Have you got any questions? And he says, Mom, is that what sex is? Now if I'm using this in schools? I say, Mom, is that what grown ups do? Because my greatest fear is if kids see pornography, are they thinking that their parents are doing that sort of stuff? Because, you know, I like I said before,

00:42:26--> 00:42:50

88% of porn is violence against women. And for young people who think that their dad is doing that to their mom that keeps me awake at night, to be honest. But this man in the book says no, that's not how grownups treat each other those people are actors, very bad actors. The acting like they like that. But that's not how you know now home, you know, mommy and daddy care for each other. And so it's just to give adults language around this.

00:42:51--> 00:42:58

And then they have this beautiful conversation. It's a lot of text, and your workout if you choose to look at it for your children,

00:42:59--> 00:43:11

how much of it you actually read, or if you can just paraphrase it. But then he goes back to school and says to the teacher, you are right, my mom didn't tell me off. She didn't take my iPhone or iPad away. And everybody lives happily ever after.

00:43:12--> 00:43:13

A couple of other

00:43:14--> 00:43:17

resources that I've written very quickly.

00:43:18--> 00:43:20

I wrote this one.

00:43:22--> 00:43:28

It's called, someone should have told me and it's talking about pornography, and other cyber issues.

00:43:30--> 00:43:40

Because I, I'm not aware of any real resource to talk about grooming with children, which is also another problem on the internet. So this picture here.

00:43:42--> 00:44:12

I wish somebody had told me not to let people take private pictures of me. And in the back of the book, there's paragraphs for each page. But it says that, you know, this guy will say, Oh, you look so cute. You Superman outfit. Let me take picture. I know why don't you bounce on the bed? No, I'm not mad about the bed. Now go and bounce on the bed. Then they get the kids cording that unsafe secret. I know it'd be really funny. How about we take a naked shot. And one other picture I just want to show you is this picture here.

00:44:13--> 00:44:24

Because according to the Federal Police, children as young as four are taking naked pictures of themselves on their iPads. So we need to have these conversations with children.

00:44:25--> 00:44:58

We also need to talk about charged child sexual abuse which is up I read something recently, I don't know. It was a blog site and they didn't quite where they got the step from. But it said that child child sexual abuse is up 400%. And so when I'm doing teaching, I say that one third of children will suffer some form of sexual abuse. And that's the whole spectrum. There's a lot of statistics that say one in three girls, one in six boys

00:45:01--> 00:45:17

heinous act, if a child is seeing pornography, that is child sexual abuse, if children have been flashed by somebody in a bus stop, that is child sexual abuse. But those aren't in the statistics so that I can give if people wanted, where I quote one third of children,

00:45:19--> 00:45:29

but about 45% of child sexual abuse is to the children to children, or teenager on children. And so I had to write a book around that, because

00:45:30--> 00:45:54

I had a principal contact me looking for a resource. In the two months prior to bringing me he had had six separate cases, in his school of children abusing other children, all isolated, all different ages. But when the Department for Child Protection investigated each case, it came back to the kids having seen pornography. So I wrote this book.

00:45:55--> 00:46:29

And it's about a little boy who, so I've got five books in total, and they sort of go in a series. But this is the final one in the series. So the kids have learned about having a safety team and all the other beautiful protective education stuff that we teach them. But a new child comes to school. And what happens is something private happens in the toilet. Now, I don't say what the private thing that happened in the toilet was. But what I do do is the teacher sets the class down and teaches that there are five private rules, no one's allowed to touch your private parts without your consent.

00:46:31--> 00:46:57

If they did, it wouldn't be your fault. So if a doctor or if your parent has to touch up a hygiene or for medical reasons, you are not allowed to touch anybody else's private parts. If you do, you are breaking the law. No one's gonna show you private pictures now that take private pictures of you. And you're not allowed to take private pictures of yourself. So we need to give kids language around this stuff. Because

00:46:59--> 00:47:09

I was at a conference in Qatar back in February. And I was blessed to be able to speak there. But on the very first day, the very first keynote,

00:47:10--> 00:47:25

the very first slide, he put up said 1 billion children are abused every year, and I just burst into tears. So that's why I'm really proud to have been part of this. And to be the opening act. I hope it was the opening act for today.

00:47:27--> 00:47:30

We're haledon. If you're there. I just I don't know if there are any questions.

00:47:31--> 00:47:33

Let me have a look there any questions in the chat?

00:47:35--> 00:47:40

All right, hold on, let me read for you so you don't get busy with reading.

00:47:41--> 00:48:29

Beautiful. So we got your questions. Thank you so much. That was an eye opening for everyone, I believe. And I forgot to make some warning in the beginning, you know that some sometimes the content would appear to some people as very heavy to take. So if you think you wish to take a walk in between those nightmares, and see some flowers outside and then come back to more nightmares, you're most welcome to do that. But this is a problem. This is a problem that we're facing. It's a reality it's happening. And as you can see, I was actually disturbed by seeing those images drawn by little kids, just to show you that they know more than what you think. And so as a result of that we

00:48:29--> 00:48:45

should reach them out before they reach to to the inappropriate pages and inappropriate people could lead them to disastrous fate. So thank you so much for you. That was really insightful. And now we have a couple of comments and questions for you.

00:48:46--> 00:49:20

Someone mentioned that curious why the word bottom is used if we need to use correct terminologies. Isn't it more accurate to use bot talk anus? rectum bottom isn't it isn't an actual body part. So any thoughts around that? Totally No. And in an ideal world, well, I would use those words. But I can't even get teachers when I'm training them to say penis, vulva and vagina. So to get them to say anus. I think we'll just put them over the age.

00:49:23--> 00:49:36

The problem is kids use words and especially for the front parts like you know, flour and minium, Mickey and Tweety and things like that. So, you know if people are comfortable, but my other worry is

00:49:38--> 00:49:59

that if when a child is disclosing because, you know, I've had so many parents tell, you know, mums, especially tell me how there was an allegation made, and the lawyers are saying the children were coached. And I worried that if a child said anus then that

00:50:00--> 00:50:20

So somebody put words in that kid's mouth. On the other hand, you could say yes, because we've been teaching abuse prevention education. So there's always a counteract. But ideally, yes, it would be, you know, in an ideal world, we definitely would use those words. But if you know if I can't get them teachers, especially because that's where I try.

00:50:21--> 00:50:25

Yeah, so I don't know if I've answered the question that

00:50:26--> 00:50:39

we, yeah. Ideally, if you're comfortable teaching those words, power to you. I see. So sometimes it depends on the level of also the children's, the children that you're dealing with.

00:50:40--> 00:50:55

And how far they know these terminologies as so as to reach them in the right way. So beautiful. Okay. There is also a question regarding what children is you are usually

00:50:56--> 00:51:04

accessing. So is it because children mirror what they see or more they are acting out what is happening to them?

00:51:06--> 00:51:47

in all the cases that I've been involved with, because when schools contact me, the first question I say is what was the critical incident that got you coming to me to come into the school, it's usually children having seen porn, there was with child child sexual abuse, there was only three ways that kids would know about those behaviors have seen it happen, had it hadn't happened, or seeing pornography and in my experience, it is usually the third one having St. monography. And we are talking about and again, I'm going to be very graphic here. We have kids in our state that know about Ritu. And this is very graphic that they know about Zoo tune. And just before we all went into

00:51:47--> 00:51:59

lockdown here in Western Australia, I did a training in a school and I told the teachers about Lucci. And children are learning about this from an adult cartoon that they should not be watching. But the characters go.

00:52:00--> 00:52:34

And then on YouTube, kids go zoo, chimps, YouTube, Google it, nine boxes are gonna open up with people having sex with animals, there is no rU 18 this is adult content, there is no warning, the videos are automatically running. Now I was in a school just before it back in February. And a teacher said Holly, I heard the grade fours talking about that in the playground, while I was on duty. And I just continued my duty because I didn't understand I didn't know what it was. So you know, these and

00:52:36--> 00:53:19

just last week, our the Australian Centre for counter child exploitation put out a report to say one in five children are on the internet, unsupervised. Now, every kid's got a mobile phone just about. So you know, that says statistics. But I think it might even be higher. But those kids that have been in lockdown are now going to go back to school and have you know, they're going to be telling their whole class, what they're saying. You know, think back to when here in the Western society. You know, kids believe in Santa Claus. And there's always going to be that one kid in the class that goes and tells the whole class, there's no such thing as Santa Claus, there's going to be that child

00:53:19--> 00:54:08

that's been at home with free access. Who's going to go to class when whenever, you know, whatever country you're in, you go back, the kids go back to school, and either want to tell the other kids about it. Or I've had lots of reports of kids taking mobile phones. I had a police officer Tell me after I tried to her group, how her daughter was in grade one. And a boy on the Friday had told the whole class about how he saw this picture, this picture of a lady looking at girls standing I think he said and then on the Monday he bought mums iPhone to school to show the whole class video. And, you know, it's just not being dealt with in schools because the principal, she went to report it to

00:54:08--> 00:54:11

the principal and said, Oh, well, we can't control what you're gonna bring to school.

00:54:13--> 00:54:33

That's an N never addressed it with the children. So we've failing children because we're not educating parents. We're not educating schools about how to deal with this. So I'm hoping that people will, you know, after hearing all the amazing speakers that we've got today, go back to the children's schools and saying,

00:54:34--> 00:54:39

you know, here in Western Australia, it's mandated that every school will teach protective behaviors.

00:54:40--> 00:54:59

And some schools are doing the bare minimum. But I basically say unless you are talking about child child sexual abuse, and pornography, you're wasting your time we need to get real with children, because the internet is taking away their innocence and people say, you know, oh, you know talking to a six year old to take away their innocence. know if they see

00:55:00--> 00:55:08

Let's go take away their innocence. Yeah, thank you for mentioning this as, as long as we don't we teach

00:55:09--> 00:55:19

child child sexual abuse and pornography, we are wasting our time. And I agree with you 100% because I received a phone call sometimes ago, not not so long ago after my trip to Nigeria,

00:55:21--> 00:55:42

from a principal school principal, who mentioned that she actually discovered or found two children in primary school. I visited that school myself, its primary school, primary school, like we have children from six, seven years, up until maximum perhaps 1010 years in primary school, isn't it? Am I right? Holly?

00:55:44--> 00:56:35

I suppose six to 12 primary Yes, six to 12. Because my my son Ibrahim is already in year seven. And he's 11 years old. So he just left primary last year. So anyway, that that range those children, so she she found two children acting out sexual positions in in the bathroom in the toilets, and even the sexual position she described to me it was something I could never even fathom, could never even imagine that children would see something like that and acted in in, in the school in the school, like, you know, nowhere else, they could have done that. But in the school, which shows that kids will imitate what they're watching if we're not supervising them. Secondly, they could turn into

00:56:35--> 00:57:16

addicts to these imagery in these positions. So we hope that we will keep on educating them as Holly mentioned, so do you want to say something? Yeah, I have boys. And it's not only boys that watch porn, I want to be totally transparent about that. But I have boys 11 years of age, who come up after my lessons and say, Miss, I feel like I'm addicted to porn, I don't put those words in their mouth. And I never talk about addiction, you know, with kids in primary school, but they say to me, I just have to look at it and stuff like that. So of course, you know, we get them on to counseling and stuff like that. But these are 11 year olds, and

00:57:18--> 00:57:59

you know, it's just destroying. And you know, that young man you spoke about there came to you who was going to take his own life, destroying children's lives. And this is not the first time by the way, like, this is the man who got me started. The whole the whole research, the whole reading the whole reaching out to people and speaking about porn, that's the man who got me started. But in, in those 1213 years of experience, I have received a lot of emails from young men and woman who actually expressed their intention to commit suicide, because of their addiction to pornography, or because of any other things related to pornography, like whether it's affecting their relationships

00:57:59--> 00:58:43

with their spouses, or their productivity or their careers. That's why my last book, where I mentioned in areas with pornography could actually damage everything beautiful that he has established. All right, holy, we have about 10 minutes, question answer. And also I want, I want to direct people to your website, I already typed the website of safe for kids.com.au, safe for kids.com.au, where you can actually reach out to Holly, email her or purchase her books. And also she will I'll give her a minute or two at the end to explain about her programs, online, parenting, educational programs that she has designed. But for now, there are a couple of questions, I want to

00:58:43--> 00:58:45

sum them up quickly.

00:58:47--> 00:58:57

So one question regarding children who don't pay attention to your warnings or advice and you cannot convince them when you talk to them about certain

00:58:58--> 00:59:06

certain things related to either gaming or pornography or how can we convince children to at least sit and listen?

00:59:09--> 00:59:50

And that's why it takes a whole community because especially if it's a parent, kids got Yeah, whatever. And that's why those of you who are parents, you'll know when your child was little and they went to school, you might say eat your carrots, and they don't they go to school, make the carrots. So it takes it would be about finding somebody that they connect with to have the same conversations. I know in my training when I'm talking with mums, I say if you've got a 14 or 15 year old son and you want him to know something, don't try and tell him because he's not gonna listen. You tell his mates Mum, and have her telling and you have this reciprocal thing going. You tell her

00:59:50--> 00:59:59

kid she tells your kid or you wait till they're in the backseat of the car because you know, they can't get away from you. But it's about trying to

01:00:00--> 01:00:44

humanize for me with teenagers. It's about trying to humanize what they're seeing and getting them to. And it's not just a one off conversation, we need to, you know, that is somebody's story that is somebody's sister. And, and, you know, doing more brain science and that's why I'm so you excited with, you know, Gary Wilson stuck around the brain science and everybody's talking about brain science now because, you know, it's, it's no good coming to them from a religious perspective or, you know, the science is the science and you know, it does affect the front load explaining that explaining that, you know, over extended time, it actually shrinks your frontal lobe and stuff like

01:00:44--> 01:00:47

that. So, it's not a moral thing or,

01:00:49--> 01:00:51

you know, you're not trying to,

01:00:52--> 01:00:56

it's just about giving them and each child is different. So

01:00:57--> 01:01:09

you'll find, you know, what works with one may not work with one another. So I hope those tips are okay. But that's why it needs to be School, home and the child all working together to keep kids safe.

01:01:11--> 01:01:24

And, you know, they might have a favorite uncle that could talk to them or whatever it is. So it's about employing other people so that you're not just the same person that's hopping on and on and on about it like a broken record.

01:01:25--> 01:01:39

You know, we need as a community to have these sorts of ads, I believe that we need ads on the TV to be honest. A couple of years ago, I was involved in running a symposium I think you might have even come to wail

01:01:41--> 01:02:19

on that might have been what before that. Anyway, we bought gentlemen over up who worked with pedophiles in from Germany, and in Germany, they have ads on the television, about perpetrators. And the ad is of a lady sitting on a train next to her probably 10 year old son and there's this man sort of bullying, hearing it. And it says, if you feel like this, contact this number. I think in Australia and around the world, we need to be brave enough to have eggs about pornography. Like the one from New Zealand, I cannot speak highly enough of that one from New Zealand. I've seen a couple of people come out and baggers

01:02:21--> 01:02:38

I don't know why. Because if it starts a conversation, power to them. You know, we've got ads about drugs, and we've got ads now about domestic violence. I think that we need to step up for our kids. And we need an AED talking about private pictures and private movies.

01:02:42--> 01:02:47

Wow. Beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, I just wanted to

01:02:49--> 01:02:54

ask on behalf I think of a couple of you private, semi private messages

01:02:55--> 01:03:23

regarding if they found out that their children are actually addicted to pornography. And I think I don't want you to elaborate on this question, because so many speakers will touch on this later on. And the time is actually running out. And I, I really want you to introduce your work before we end. But how can we help those children who are really addicted, or having some problem with viewing these content?

01:03:25--> 01:03:34

Well, like you said, I'm sure our colleagues will elaborate more that they need to seek proper counseling, you know, whether they reach out,

01:03:35--> 01:03:40

you know, to you or to other organizations that are that are dealing with this.

01:03:41--> 01:04:10

One of the things that I'm worried about that we don't do well in Australia is we don't, and I did an interview with a woman, a friend of mine from the UK, who specializes in cyber trauma. And it's something that we don't talk enough about in Australia, whether it's pornography, whether it's violence, whether it is horror, our children are being traumatized by what they see. And you know, they are having flashbacks life as described before. So we must seek, you know, proper help for them.

01:04:11--> 01:04:53

Beautiful, and I wanted to that's why we call this conference, dear parents, and I wanted to advise everyone that this is not going to be a one off event. Even though the participants the live participants are not as we expected, because we have over 700 people have registered. And the reason perhaps because the time difference around those 52 countries may conflict with them coming live. Also perhaps because it's a long day. So maybe some people found it difficult to commit to eight hours, you know, coming but anyway, the recording is there, and I'm sure many people will listen to this event later on. But one of the things I believe and I will let Holly also elaborate on this

01:04:53--> 01:04:59

before we end is that parents should get on board when schools announced that there is

01:05:00--> 01:05:43

is an event where protective behavior is going to be presented. I I myself working school and we keep on calling parents to attend such events and only two or three parents who show up. Can you imagine two to three parents in a school where 1000 students are coming in attending every day. So it's something like we feel that parents sometimes feel that school management teachers, counselors are babysitting their children, it's not gonna work this way. Unless we work as one team, really, things will go out of hand, Holly, you have two minutes or three minutes max to direct your people to your programs.

01:05:44--> 01:05:49

And tell us a little bit about working school and how important it is to to get parents on board.

01:05:51--> 01:06:03

Thank you. So yes, definitely. When I'm working in schools, I won't go into a school or a community without being told a community approach because we cannot expect your papers they'll say

01:06:04--> 01:06:44

it like I said, it needs to be School, home and the child are working together. It has to be a community easily all it takes a village that's, you know, that is so important. So, but when I'm doing work in schools, I work with the kids all day, I'll run a parent workshop that night, and out of 900 children. So that's probably about 550 families. I'm lucky to get 15 parents, and I feel like shaking them and going, what is more important than keeping your child safe. So please, I implore you if you know you need to get on board with this, you need to educate yourself. If your school isn't teaching abuse prevention education, then please check out my website.

01:06:45--> 01:07:01

And if you are an educator, I'm actually at the moment in my Facebook kids educators group running free training at two o'clock Perth time, I'm doing a Facebook Live for the next 10 weeks giving free training on teaching abuse prevention education.

01:07:03--> 01:07:03

Please,

01:07:04--> 01:07:09

on my safe, the kids youtube channel, I've got

01:07:10--> 01:07:41

another 30 odd videos of talking about this sort of stuff as well. And if you find something useful, please share that. I've been blessed to have written seven songs with Aboriginal kids in remote communities about consent and a safety team and all of this sort of stuff. So if you find that useful, please share this. I look at this as a stone in a pond. And it's the ripples that move out. And if each person today goes away, and chairs, just something that they've learned, Wow, that's pretty amazing.

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I have most of the stuff I do is on Facebook. So it's just safe the number for kids. And I'm always short sharing free research, the latest raised free resources, just lots of good information for both educators and for parents. Because I believe by working together we can stop child sex abuse, we can

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you know, we can't fight the porn industry. But, you know, if people just go in and sign the the, the What do you call it? thing to shut down Pornhub and things like that we need to educate the children. So I'm just so blessed to have been invited to talk today and I hope people found it useful.