Tom Facchine – Riyadh al-Saliheen and Women’s Q&A #21

Tom Facchine
AI: Summary © The conversation covers the negative impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on society, including the importance of protecting privacy and avoiding bad reputation. The speakers touch on issues related to marriage, including limits on maintenance and provision for the husband, and the need for men to be more aware of their spending. The conversation also touches on the responsibility of men in achieving their desired goals and the importance of avoiding bad reputation. The negative impact of the pandemic on society is also discussed, including the need for men to be more aware of their spending.
AI: Transcript ©
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Alhamdulillah Hiraga Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Ashraful MBI warmer saline now being offered once again Mohammed Ali Abdullah Saleh was kept his name. Allahu Allah, Allah Linda, we may in fact are now in fact met with them to know as even our own money out on the night. I mean,

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it's very cold outside and the snow is coming down mashallah, it's about to go up. So it's a great time to take advantage of our

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Homeward Bound this modicum of Sonoma Silla and do a little bit of a noble way and do a little bit of

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So let's get into we have a very beautiful, long, important Hadith today.

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And as the 21st Hadith of the entire work, I believe it's the ninth in this chapter. Of course, we're still in the chapter on Toba on repentance. And this save time I'm just going to read what you have in front of you here.

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Della Eman cabin had been medic, one of cab that even the medics sons, who was a guide for him when he went blind in his later life said

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I heard a cab even medic or the other one who he was a companion. relate this account of when he stayed behind the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa Salam on the expedition to Tabuk

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Cobb said, I did not stay behind

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the Messenger of Allah rasool Allah when he was

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on any other expedition. Any other military campaign, except for the one to Tabuk.

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Eve even though I did not go to bed.

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Okay, so terrible because on one end, it's the later one of the later campaigns and better obviously as the first major campaign, and he's saying that he didn't stay behind for any of them except for taboo, even though he wasn't able to go to better either. He then qualifies, he says, No one censured me. No one corrected me or treated me different for staying behind that meeting better because the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi salam.

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And the Muslims set out heading for the caravan of Kadesh. They weren't expecting a complete battle. This is what he means until Allah Almighty brought them together with their enemy. unexpectedly. I was present with the messenger of a loss of lawlessness on the night of October. This is when the people of Medina came to the people of Mexicans have pledged them there, to pledge him their allegiance, and to basically start the whole higit process when we made a compact on Islam, and I would not want to exchange that for having been present at Bethel. Even though weather is more renowned than than October among the people. So he's saying, Yes, I miss better because it was

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something that wasn't planned. It was a surprise. But I was at aka. And I wouldn't trade the two, even though better is more famous. Part of my account of when I stayed behind the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi salam on the expedition to Tabuk was that I had never been stronger or wealthier than when I stayed behind him on this expedition. By Allah before it before the expedition to Tabuk I never had to my name meaning I never owned, even to riding animals. But when it was time for the battle of Tabuk, I did.

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When the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam intended to go on an expedition, he would always indicate another decoy destination until that expedition actually left, the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam made this one, meaning the one to Tabuk at a time of intense heat, and there was a long journey, and a waterless desert and a great enemy to face. Therefore, he made the whole thing quite clear to the Muslims so that they could make the necessary preparations for the trip. He told them the direction in which he was intending to go. The Muslims with the Messenger of Allah were numerous. And the recording book meaning or register was incapable of including all of

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them. That's he's just trying to give an example to show you how many people were along for this military campaign. God said anyone wanting to

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become absent or to not come along, thought that his absence would not

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not be noticed, as long as no revelation was sent down about him from Allah, the Messenger of a loss of Allah when I said I'm made that expedition, when the fruit was ripe, this was late summer in Medina. And there was plentiful shade and I inclined towards it, meaning he inclined towards the rest and relaxation and the shade and the harvest and these sorts of things. The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam, and the Muslims with him made their preparations, and I would go out to make preparations with him as well. But then I would return without having accomplished anything, saying to myself, I can do it anytime I want. I went on like this until the people were fully

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prepared, and the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam set out with the Muslims, but I had still not completed any of my preparations. Then I began and again returned without accomplishing anything. I continued like this until they had left.

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I intended to set off and catch up with them and I wish that I had done so. But that was not the Creed for me. When I went out among the people, after the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam had left.

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It saddened me that the only people left were either men that were suspected of hypocrisy, or men whom Allah Almighty had excuse on account of being weak.

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Then he says the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sunnah did not mention me until we reached ebook

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Sorry, got some newcomers coming in.

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So I can welcome

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so the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not mention me until we reached our destiny destination Tebu which if you know is way Northwestern Saudi Arabia, what's today, Saudi Arabia near Jordan? While he was sitting on a coma cinema, while he was sitting among the people at Kabuki said, What has Khabib ematic done? Where is he? A man of the Venice Halima said O Messenger of Allah, He has been held back by his two cloaks and self conceit.

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Basically saying, Oh, well, now that he's got money.

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Now he got lazy. Now he he's gotten too big for his britches, that's what we would say, in idiomatic English. And so he stayed back. More I live in Jebel. Now. The Allahu Anhu he said to him, what an evil thing to say. By Allah, he's swearing by Allah. Rasool Allah SallAllahu sallam, we only no good of this man. Talking about kava, who's telling the story. The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was silent. He didn't say anything. He didn't tell this people to be quiet or he didn't confirm that anyone was right.

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While he was like that, he saw a man in white shimmering in the heat and said, I hope that it is I will hide them. It was indeed I will hide them around sorry. He is the one who gave a saw the volume measure of dates as charity. And the hypocrites criticized them for it.

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Come up then said he's still telling the story. When I heard that the Messenger of Allah salAllahu Alaihe Salam was on his return. He was on his way back from Tebu I became very upset and started to think of lies and trying to plot what to say how can I escape his anger when he comes back? And I consulted everyone among my family who was able to give me advice in trying to think how I could get out of the situation. When it was said that the Messenger of Allah salAllahu Salam had finally arrived. All of my plots and plans to come up with a story of fib. Left me, as I knew that nothing would ever save me from him. I resolved to stick to the truth.

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The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam arrived in the morning, when he came back from a journey he would first go to the masjid and pray to God, and then he would sit and receive people and hear their news, everything else. When he did that, those who had stayed behind went to him making their excuses and swearing to Allah. To him.

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There were about 80 men and all that had stayed behind. He accepted what they declared and took their legions and asked forgiveness for them and entrusted their secrets to Allah Almighty.

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Until I came, when I greeted him, he smiled the smile of someone who is angry. And he said, Come here. I walked up and then sat down in front of him. He said, What kept you back? Had you not bought amount? And he didn't you have transportation? He said, the cabin says I said Rasul Allah.

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I swear by Allah if I were sitting with anyone else in the world other than you, I would think that I could escape his anger by making some excuse. I'm good at arguing and convincing people but I swear by Allah, I know that if I were to tell you a false story today, which might satisfy you, and put you at ease, Allah would soon make you angry with me. If I tell you the truth, you will be angry with me now. But I hope for a good outcome from Allah azza wa jal. I swear by Allah, I don't have any excuse. I swear by Allah. I have never been stronger nor wealthier when I chose to remain behind.

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That he said that the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, this one has spoken the truth, get up until a lot of the sides about you. Some men have the benefit of the amount. Remember, it's the same tribe that were bad mouthing him into MOOC, when he wasn't there, followed me and said to me, we, I swear by Allah, we have not known you to commit a wrong action before this. Couldn't you have made some excuse to the prophets of Allah Islam, like everybody else did, who stayed behind the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi. Salam, his prayer for forgiveness would have made up for anything that you did wrong. They're trying to talk him into making up a lie.

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He said, by a law, they continue to reproach me until I wanted to go back to the messenger and deny what I had said. Then I said to him, has anyone else done what I did, basically confessed, said that I didn't have any excuse. They said, Yes, two men have done the same that you did.

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Then he said, Who are these two men, they said so and so and so and so they named two companions. They mentioned to me cap says to righteous men who had been present at the Battle of better and have good character. And then Cobb says, telling the story, when they were mentioned to me, I was determined, meaning that I knew I had done the right thing. The prophet is a lovely Salam, for bathed people to speak to the three of us, the three that confessed and said that they didn't have any reason to stay back out of all those who had remained. So the prophets have always sort of avoided us. And then he says that the Earth seems strange to me, meaning ever his whole entire world

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changed. And it was not the same earth I used to know. We remain that way for 50 days, almost two months. My the two other people that also were getting the same treatment were miserable, and they stayed in their homes crying. I was younger than them and was tougher. And so I used to go out and attend the prayer with the Muslims and I would walk in the markets, but no one would speak to me. I went to the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam

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and greeted him while he was in his assembly after the prayer and he would and would say to myself, he's trying to think, did he moves his lips? Did he move his lips to return the salon or not? Then I would pray near him and sneak a look at him and he would look at me while I attended to my prayer. But when I turned towards him, he would turn away from me. When that harshness of the Muslims went on too long a time for me. I climbed over the wall of Abu Qatada as garden. He was my cousin and one of the dearest people to me. I said Sudan, why they come to him? I swear by Allah, He did not even give me Saddam back. I said to him, Abu Qatada. I asked you by Allah. Don't you know that? I love

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Allah and His messenger. He was silent. I repeated asking him and asking him that he was silent. I asked him again. And then he said a lot His Messenger know best. My eyes overflowed with tears, and I turned and climbs back over the wall.

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While I was walking in the market of Medina, a farmer from the people of Syria, who had brought some food to sell in Medina said, can somebody show me the way to this man, Cobb, even medic, the narrator of our story, the people began to point him to point him in the right direction to find me until he came up to me and handed me a letter from the King of ascent. The king was my son is not a Muslim, he's fighting against the Muslims. I was a scribe, meaning he knew how to read and write. And so I read it. It said, following on from that, or am I meant to proceed whatever you want to say. It has reached us that Your companion has been harsh with you. Allah has not put you in a place

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to be humiliated and deprived. Join us and we will console you.

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Look at what's happening. When I read it, I said this is also part of the test and I took it and burned it up in the oven.

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When 40 of the 50 days had passed and Revelation still have not come, a messenger from the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam came to me and said, the Messenger of Allah commands you to withdraw from your wife. No, no

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I said, Am I supposed to divorce her or what's going on? He said, No, just withdraw from her and don't go near her. He sent the same message to my other two companions, the two other guys who stayed behind. I said to my wife, go stay with your family until along the sides about his business about this business. The wife of one of the other two men went to the Messenger of Allah and said to him, O Messenger of Allah. This man is an old man, he's unable to look after himself, and he has no servants. Would you disliked me serving him? He said, No, but don't let him come near you. She said, by a law he has no impulse for anything. I swear by a law he has remained the crying since the day

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this business started until today. Some of my family then said to me, you should go ask the prophet for the same thing. Ask for an exception, ask for permission. He just gave permission to so and so. I said, No, I will not ask the Messenger of Allah salAllahu alayhi salam for permission for her. How do I know what the messenger of Allah would say if I asked him permission, and I'm a young guy. I remained like that for 10 days and 50 days were then completed from the time when this when speaking to us was first prohibited.

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Then one morning after the 50th night, I prayed fetcher on top of one of our houses. While I was sitting in the grip of the state, which Allah Almighty mentioned about us myself feeling constricted and the earth seeming narrow to me. After it had been so wide. I heard someone shouting at the top of his voice. From the top of Silla. This is a mountain that's still there in Medina, we can go together and shallow one day, cabin ematic good news. I fell down in sujood in frustration and knew that relief had finally come, the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam announced to the people the turning of Allah, the mighty and exalted towards us after he had prayed the federal

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prayer that people came to us with the good news. They went to the two other gentlemen to bring them the good news. One man spurred on his horse to reach me and one of people from the SDM tribe ran towards me and climb the mountain. The person shouting with his voice reached me quicker than the horse, when the one whose voice I had heard came to me to give me the good news. I was so happy, I took off my garments and put them on him, because the good news that he had brought by Allah that day, I had no other garments to wear except for those I had to borrow two garments and more them and went to go before the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam, crowds of people met me to

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congratulate me on Allah's repentance for accepting my repentance. They were saying to me, enjoy the turning of a lot towards you until I reached the message. The Messenger of Allah was sitting surrounded by people thought Ha, even obeyed Allah. May Allah be pleased with him got up hurting to shake my hand and congratulate me. I swear by Allah, not one of them will Hajji from Mecca got up except for him. And Cobden says, God will never forget what thought had did.

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Cop keeps going. He says, When I greeted the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his face was shining with joy and he said, Rejoice in the best day that has come to you since your mother bore you. I said, it is from you. Is it from you messenger of Allah or is it from Allah? He said, Indeed it is from Allah, the mighty and exalted. When the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was happy, his face used to shine as if it were part of the moon. We used to know him for that. When I sat down in front of them, I said, O Messenger of Allah, part of my repentance is that I divest myself of my property as charity for Allah and His messenger, the Messenger of Allah said,

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No, keep part of your property for yourself, that would be better for you. So I said, I will keep my share at Siva, he had a property in a different town. I said, Messenger of Allah, Allah Almighty, has saved me on account of my being truthful. And part of my repentance is that I will speak nothing but the truth for as long as I live, I swear by Allah, I do not know of anyone among the Muslims whom Allah Almighty has tried more by Allah I have not inclined to ally from the time I said that to the messenger of allah sallallahu sallam, until this very day and I hope that Allah Almighty will protect me during what remains of my life.

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Then he says, Allah Almighty sat down, that he is going to quote some of the Koran about how merciful

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how merciful Allah is. And then God finishes the story. He says, By Allah, after Allah guided me to Islam, Allah did not bestow on me any blessing greater than my truthfulness to the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and the fact that I didn't lie to him and get destroyed as those who lied were eventually destroyed when the revelation was sent down Allah Almighty

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said about those who had lied, the worst thing he said about anyone else. Allah Almighty said they will swear to you by Allah when you return to them so that you leave them alone. Leave them alone that they are filth, their shelter will be * as repayment for what they did. They will swear to you and make in order to make you happy with them. But even if you are happy with them a lot is certainly not pleased with degenerate people. Cobb said, We three people who told the truth were left apart from those who had excuses are made up excuses. And that had been accepted by a by the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi salam, when they swore to them and whose allegiance he took and

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for whom he asked forgiveness, the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam defer the matter of us until Allah Almighty decided about an Allah Almighty said towards the three who are left behind. And what he mentioned was not our staying back from the expedition. But his leaving us to being the end, deferring our matter beyond that of the others who stayed behind and made excuses to him, which he accepted, difficult it this hadith is a long Hadith, it's in both Sahih Muslim and socketable hottie. And it's an amazing story. It took us 23 minutes just to read it.

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It has so many benefits, and pillars of our religion inside of the story. And it's not a terribly well known story. So if you forgive me, I will cut in a little bit to our time for our normal thick of marriage to just spell out some of the lessons from the story and then we'll go to that. One of the things we noticed from the story is the middle ground, the tension between community expectations and individual freedom. Notice how he says that nobody censured me for missing better but look at how the people treated him for staying behind for this battle, the battle of taboo. These days we live in a very hyper individualistic society, we don't want other people to to tell us

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that we're doing something wrong. And there are extremes on either side. Right. There is an extreme where people are going just this this Karim haram haram, about things when they shouldn't really be talking about anything. We talked about this the other week when it came to giving religious advice. But there is another extreme as well. There is another extreme when we almost expect no accountability at all, between other people like as if we transgress other people's rights, and we don't expect them to get upset at us. Right. Like most things, Islam preaches a happy medium between these things, the social bonds that we have to each other, the social expectations that we have of

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one another as Muslims, is part of the strength of our community and part of the richness of our individual lives. If you want to be completely by yourself on an island, go ahead, you can try. But you're going to find that when you're in difficulty, you are going to have no one else to lean on. And you're going to find that you might have found the freedom or freedom from any sort of expectation. But your life will be deprived of other enriching factors.

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Notice how cowboy, he places more importance on being an AKA than on being better. Right, which is interesting. So it shows that he's happy with going against the grain and what other people thought was amazing. Brother got famous because it was the first battle that the Muslims won. But a haka was really, really a special time in the Sierra, where there was a group of Muslims from Medina who had snuck into Mecca to give the pledge of allegiance to the Prophet salallahu Salam, basically hastening or enabling the Hijra to Medina. And so he was prouder at this moment, then as if then, if he had been better.

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Notice that your responsibility is according to your capability. If you are not able, then your responsibility is less if you are able and capable than your responsibility is more, all those other battles that he had fought and he had a very, very tough time, he would have had more of an excuse to not go to a battle before, because he said that he didn't own anything. He was a very poor person. Then when this battle came around, he was rich, and he was stronger than he had been before. And so his responsibility is even greater. Right.

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There's also a warning in here about getting too comfortable. And we'll get to that in a second I guess. We noticed that the Prophet Muhammad SAW I said I'm used misdirection and counter intelligence in order to mislead people when it came to warfare and the sanctity of people's lives. This was an exception when he told people where they were going ahead

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At a time, he said, This is going to be really hard, we're going to Tebu it's going to be in the middle of summer, there's going to be a really, really fierce enemy. At the other side, it was the Byzantine Empire, it's going to take a long time, we have a desert to cross, in order for people to get ready. But when it came to the conquest of Mecca and other places, he would keep it a secret from even his own army into the last minute. Why? Because the principle at play is what's best for the Muslim community, saving lives, making people making sure people are safe. And so if people are safe, that is going to be a case by case scenario, right? So he's doing what is in the best interest

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of the Muslims. In every scenario. We see, this is one of my favorite stories, because I love the stories where the Companions show their human side, right, they have thoughts, and they do things that we could easily imagine ourselves doing. Khabib and Matic, he has such a human tendency to want to avoid responsibility and accountability. He wants to first of all, he admits he wants to the reason he stayed behind what because he was so comfortable with his life, things was finally going good. He was finally getting a little fat, you know, and like it was really just everything was okay. He didn't want to have to go out and fight this fierce enemy and marched through the desert,

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he was kind of lulled into a false sense of comfort and security because of his prosperity. There's a very human thing. And then the other thing is that when the prophesy centum, was on his way back, and he was thinking about what to say, and thinking about making up an excuse, and how we're just like this, right? We want to, we want to get away. We want to avoid responsibility. We want to just have happy feelings. We don't want to own up to something that we did that was wrong. Right? And

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that creates the moral tension of the whole story. Right? He has this moral decision to make. And we see that morality and being a righteous person isn't necessarily just about.

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It's not I should say, it's not all about necessarily what's going on on the inside. Right? He had the temptation to lie, the temptation to make up an excuse, but it's what he ended up doing despite what was going on on the inside. Right, despite wanting to lie, he forced themselves to tell the truth.

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We see his procrastination, right? Another thing, his lack of urgency, and how even when he was going about trying to get ready for the battle, he said he would come back and have accomplished nothing. All of us experience that some days, we do things and there's just no telethia there's no Valka there's no blessing in what we do. And it's as if you know, we just stayed in bed all day, a very, very human thing.

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Cabinet ematic is intelligent, because he realizes that,

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how does he know what to do? Right? He looks at the people around him. Okay?

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He has his first pang of guilt, when everybody leaves for the battle. And he looks who's left and Medina, only the people who are suspected of hypocrisy and the people who are injured and weak and can't go fight. And so he starts to feel guilty. He's like, Oh, no, look at who I'm amongst. And then when the people are trying to encourage him to lie, saying save yourself, come on, just make up something. He's like, Well, did anybody else tell the truth? And then they told him and he knew that the other two peep companions, who told the truth were righteous people, people who had fought and veterans say he, so he knew them. He's like, Okay, I did the right thing. I'm with the right group.

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You see how the Muslims

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were torn between these two things when it comes to protecting someone's honor, and having certain expectations of each other? This is in the event, like when they talk about him behind his back at taboo. So one of the men says, Oh, he basically hits the nail on the head. He's like, Oh, well, he's rich. Now he's gotten too big for his britches. That's why he stayed back because he's gotten a little bit arrogant. And then more either been juggled, jumps in and tries to defend them and says, no, no, we don't know anything but good from this person. So you have and the Prophet Mohammed says that I'm didn't say that either of them. Were right. He kept silent. Right, because both of them

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have maybe a kernel of truth in that we see this tension between protecting somebody's honor and also having expectations and holding each other accountable. Right.

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Okay, let's see what else we got. Yes, we said that. You said that.

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We also see the prophets Allah sometimes anger. Okay. When he mentioned that the prophesy centum smiled at him in a way that was angry. And the prophesy said I'm addressing come here, right

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If he was not pleased with Khabib ematic, sometimes the prophesy suddenly got angry. What's the difference is that the prophesy centum got angry for Allah. Okay? He wasn't getting angry for himself. He was getting angry when people were backsliding when people were violating the religion. And he didn't let his anger carry him away into oppression, or into excess. He always kept his anger reasonable and applied it in a an effective way.

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He's under peer pressure, he doesn't cave in to peer pressure. And then even worse, even worse than the peer pressure, then he's approached by the by the coup followed up in in Sham, to try to defect over to their side. This is just like the devil. Right? The devil is there to try to take you away, to try to say to you, oh, to try to play upon your resentment. Right? You start to feel sorry for yourself. You start to resent the other people. Well, what about all that I've done? I did this and I did this and how could he treat me like that? I don't deserve that. I'm better than that.

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And the devil was right. They're waiting to exploit it. The king he sent a letter said, Listen, you don't have to you don't have to be treated like this. You come on over to my side, and we'll treat your real nice. You don't have to put up with this treatment.

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And the cabover Malik is smart. He realizes what's going on. He doesn't take the bait. He says okay, this is definitely part of the test.

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So cabin ematic. He said he front loads has difficulty he has delayed gratification. If he wanted instant gratification, he could have lied to the province. I sent him the prophesy, someone would have asked his forgiveness. And then he would have gotten an IR from the court and condemning him in very harsh turn terms. But instead he does the opposite. He chooses the delayed gratification, the choice of the believers. He tells the uncomfortable truth. And then he deals with the consequences. And he's rewarded in the end.

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Okay, we did this, we did that.

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Another thing, look at how the Muslim community and the prophesy said I'm changed their tune when he actually is accepted, his repentance is accepted. This is proof that their anger towards him was righteous, that they were being angry for the sake of Allah. They weren't going to hold a grudge afterwards. They were only doing they waited. Should I be angry at this person or not? Well, what does Allah say? Does Allah want me to be angry at this thing or not? Does Allah want me to kind of do this thing or or leave this person hanging for a little bit or not? When the prophesy centum commanded them to do it, they were doing it. The second of the repentance came, none of them were

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hanging back. None of them were like, well, you know, I'm never gonna forget what he did. That was not cool how he left us? No, no, the second Allah accepted his repentance. Everybody's wishing congratulating the patting on the back, ushering him to the masjid, he gets a hero's treatment. This is sincerity. Because you want what's good for another person, just as if that other person was yourself.

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Even if you have to do something that is uncomfortable that you don't like you have to lay down the law, you have to impose some sorts of limits. You have to make someone feel the consequences of their poor decision. You still want what's good for that person. You're always doing it because you want what's good for that person.

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And notice how even the small acts of Paul when he said he remembered that he was the only Mohajer the only people from the people who accepted us down in Mecca, who got up and greeted him and congratulated him. And he'll always remember that. I always remember the first person that said, Sudan to me when I became a Muslim, when I went into the masjid, those sorts of things matter. You might think something is small, you might think think something is insignificant, Wallahi Allah He, some things mean the world to people, and it just takes something little to reach out to be proactive. And you can

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lodge it in somebody's mind for the rest of their lives and they might be making dua for you, and asking lots of forgive you your sins.

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Finally, last point about the story and it is an amazing story is the gratitude. The gratitude that Cobb has after he is forgiven.

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His gratitude he recognizes that the only way that he was able to succeed and pass through this trial was because of a law that a

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Allah gave him the means and the inner stuff to be honest. And that if Allah hadn't given him that inner integrity, to be honest, he would have been done for him. And so he knows that he has to thank a lot. And he thanks a lot by promising that he's going to be continued to be honest, until his death. And that's where he ends the store, an amazing store, and worth our time, I think.

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Okay, moving on to the marriage, we'll get through what we can. So we are talking about the rights of wives and husbands, the rights of spouses, we talked about how in marriage, marriage cannot exist, just by rights alone, it has to be the business of accent, if you do the bare minimum, and he does the bare minimum, it's not going to work, you have to push yourself, he has to push his self, you can't be doing, you can't be in business. And what I mean by that is, you can't be doing things just so that he'll be doing things. Your trade has to be with a lot. If your trade is with a lot, a lot can change people's hearts a lot can give blessing to and change your situation or anything. If

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you're dependent upon the other person changing then you're only going to get frustrated. So we get into issues about Okay.

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First issue, is there. A an agreed upon limits in the city for gnathopod, for maintenance for what the man we said the man is required to provide for his wife and his family. Okay, that's his responsibility, not hurts him not doing it we're going to see in a minute is grounds for unknowing and separating the marriage? Is there a fixed amounts, that is sufficient in the city, the majority, except for a chef, the majority of scholars said no, there's no fixed amount. This is something that is determined from place to place and from time to time and from family to family, family to family has different expectations. When it comes to material wealth, there's a principle in

00:37:09 --> 00:37:39

a glide a PA in Islamic law, that if there's a command, and that command is left undetermined exactly how to do it, then it returns to the culture, right? Islamic law is about bare minimums, right? absolute necessities. And so it leaves certain things unspecified in order so that they are flexible enough to be applied anytime, anyplace. So when it comes to what is sufficient

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maintenance provision from your husband, then that is something that's going to change from time to time from place to place, and from family to family.

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Is the husband required to provide this provision? This is a good issue to demonstrate how not to apply FIP. Okay, so I'm going to read you, I'm going to read you this this issue, and give you the opinions and then show you how many people would apply this issue and how it's only going to lead to more problems. So the issue is, is the husband obliged to provide for his wife? If the wife is sinfully disobedience, okay, important, Nash's sinfully disobedience we're not talking about gotta fight. We're not talking about disobedience in things that he's asking her. We're talking that to the point where she is sinful. She's trying to manipulate him, especially by the depriving him of

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intimacy. Does this happen? Yes, it does. It happens in relationships. The wife wants to something from the husband. That's not necessarily one of her rights, important caveats. The wife wants something from her husband, that's not one of her rights. And she's going to withhold intimacy from him until she gets

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she's using it, dangling it in front of him as a way of controlling him.

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Is the husband then required obligated to provide for her. If that is the state, the majority say No, he's not. Now, here's how not to apply this issue. Okay. Let's say that this sort of thing happens. Okay. So

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woman is trying to control men in the marriage. Okay. Man says, Well, I've studied this fifth issue before I know that I don't have to provide for her anymore. So I'm going to take my permission away. All of a sudden, the issue escalates and escalates and escalates. And then guess what it's on a fast track to, to divorce. Okay. Knowing this issue

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is not about is not the same as knowing what to do in this sort of situation we talked about before about how

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Somebody who's a Mufti or somebody who's in the station to give religious advice has to get to the bottom of the issue. The operative question in such a situation is, why what is the wife trying to get by withholding this and is it legitimate or not? If it's legitimate, then he's at fault. He's depriving her. He can't come to the Mufti and say, Ah, my wife is sinfully, disobedient, you have to, you know, I don't have to pay her anything now. I'm kicking her out restraining order. No. The move deed, somebody in my position has to investigate the matter. Find out the truth of the issue. What's her motivation? What's his motivation? And then the job of the Mufti is to try to bring them

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together, is to try to solve both of their issues, and to try to bring them back together on happiness. Not to tell the husband Oh, well, okay, well, why don't you just stop paying for and then that'll just fix that situation? Then she's going to escalate and he's going to escalate and only Allah knows what's going to happen.

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00:41:13 --> 00:41:19

Okay, that's not applicable to now. It's not applicable now. That's not applicable now.

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Okay, I'm gonna hit two shorter issues, and then we'll talk about deeper issue next time. Okay. So one of the issues has to do with, let's say, and it's starting to drift into divorce land, because, you know, when you talk about marriage, you're also talking about divorce.

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We said before, that there's consensus that a woman if she's divorced, if she's divorced, and she has an infant, she's not required. She's not required to

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breastfeed to nurse her child. She is not required to do that, except in the exceptional situation, which rarely happens that somebody that nobody is possibly able to nurse her

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nurse the child except for her, in which case that becomes her obligation.

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00:42:29 --> 00:42:35

Okay, I have some questions in the chat box, and I actually want to prioritize answering those then and then talking about this issue.

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Okay, so when it comes to

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someone sent a question, if the man pays for maintenance, meaning we're sending bare necessities, home food, etc, but refuses to give her money for self spending or just money for her to have is that still considered providing for her or not?

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Scholars have consensus that what's included in maintenance is housing and clothing.

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Okay, and food of course. And that is a source of data while no Lula who is risco. One, what gives what to one risk, and Kiswa Bill narrow with what is sufficiently like what's culturally determined. Okay. When it comes to

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more than that, spending money, okay. It's a gray area in two ways. First of all, okay, is he going to be buying her her clothes?

00:43:47 --> 00:43:54

Probably not. I don't buy my wife's clothes. Right? I'm gonna give her money to get her clothes. Right.

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dangerous zone. So

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the wife should be given in our cultural scenario, the wife should be given money to buy these sorts of things, and then what she does with it, that's her business. Okay.

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It is certainly, certainly the responsibility.

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Whether it's whack job or not, I can't say but is the responsibility of a man who wants to have a strong marriage to Yes, to fulfill the cultural expectations of what his wife expects of spending money within reason. Within reason, there are two extremes like with most things, there are some women out there for which it is never enough. They want just the blank check or the you know, the credit card is hot when she comes back from the store. Well, they don't do that anymore. Now they just you know, but you know what I mean? Back in the day when they used to swipe right, a thing is like, melting away. And then there's, there's the opposite extreme. There's opposite extreme where

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some guys they don't do this thing for their wives at all.

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And this is very short sighted, extremely short side of the province. I said, I'm sad to have to Habu. He said that to everybody give gifts people will love you. If that's the guidance for everybody, then what about your spouse? Even more, so even more important. So this is an issue that clearly a husband who fears a law and is trying to have it sat in his marriage has to be concerned about giving his wife spending money, what's called effect, right? It's like

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enough little extra to enjoy the special little things of life. Right? It's not all like staple foods. It's like, alright, wife, here's your pound of rice and

00:45:49 --> 00:46:22

for the month, right, that that's why we talk about with Sherea bare minimums. What we're talking about bare minimums, what can a Muslim judge take a husband and put them in jail for? Right? That's what we're talking about bare minimums. But marriage can't really survive off of just bare minimums. If we say, for the sake of argument that yes, okay, a husband who provides an apartment and a pound of rice and like a little bit of meat or whatever, is technically doing the bare minimum, can a marriage really survive like that? Of course not.

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Is the call be able to take them and put them in jail for doing that? Maybe not. But

00:46:31 --> 00:47:13

he won't enjoy a good reputation. He won't be considered someone who's generous. He's not following the sun of the prophesy centum. He's not doing what he could. We're not talking about someone who's limited. He's not doing what he could. And so that's a major major shortcoming in that person's personal character. And in their relationship to a loss pilot to honor the promises I've sent him on his deathbed and the final sermon, he said Fear Allah when it comes to your women fear Allah when it comes to him. Right? Like, go out of your way. Right? There's a there's a reason why your marriage is half of your deen. You're supposed it's supposed to be challenging upon you. You have to break

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your, your bullet, your steadiness, you have to break your steadiness, you have to strive to please your wife, you have to be proactive, right? You can't just sit back and too many men, myself included, guilty, guilty, too many men sit back and wait until the problem arises. Wait until the frustration mounts rate wait until something bad happens. And then here come the flowers. And here come the chocolates. And here comes the this and I'm sorry, baby, please. I'm sorry. Please understand.

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If Sen would have us on, the sooner the prophesy centum would have us being proactive.

00:47:53 --> 00:47:59

So I hope that answers that question. Maintenance means outside of basic. Okay, so

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it all comes back to culture. Okay, you can't even in the city or even in city, you can't take somebody who's like royalty, okay, somebody who is used to living a very luxurious lifestyle, and then only give them a pound of rice and some protein and whatever that is.

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And as a Muslim judge would have the right to split up that that arrangement. Right, because that is against cultural expectation. That's something that's egregious

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when it comes to what's culturally expected of that person.

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But the city can't.

00:48:42 --> 00:49:12

And it is purposefully silent on specifying exactly because there's also lots of poor people to write, we can't say hard and fast every single situation that the husband is obligated to give a certain amount of spending money. There are people who are just barely making it. We're in we're in COVID 19 pandemic 2020 2021 Apocalypse scenario, who knows what's going on? Right? The economy is shrinking. Things are crazy right now.

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Are we going to then say that for every single couple, it's an obligation wedge IP upon the husband to provide a certain amount of spending money when maybe he lost his job? Maybe he's collecting unemployment maybe. Right, you see. So the Shetty has to leave both doors open.

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And so it's not going to come down hard and over specified. Right? You'll find that when the shutdown speaks, it speaks with purpose. When it's silent. It's silence with purpose. It's neither overgeneralize. So we can't say so we can't even interpret it. We can't say oh, we don't really know what this means or how to apply it. But it's not over specific so that it can't apply to everybody.

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Right. I hope that that answers your question. Tell me if it does or if it doesn't. And then I've gone way over time.

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Maybe we can say at least do the same level for husband and wife.

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Yes, answers. Okay.

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Any other questions before we depart? Yeah, we don't we don't have enough time to get anything else

00:50:31 --> 00:50:35

thank you for a rousing and invigorating lesson.

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Thank you all. Okay, I'll see Oh, before I dismiss, next week, starting next week, we're going to bump it back an hour, because the day is getting longer. paradigms are shifting. Okay, so it's going to be 8pm Inshallah, Thursday at 8pm. Okay.

00:50:59 --> 00:51:07

Maybe post it in the women's group too. So everybody in the WhatsApp group, so everybody sees it. Thank you very much. Somebody come off

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