Tom Facchine – Riyadh al-Saliheen and Women’s Q&A #20

Tom Facchine
AI: Summary © The history of Islam is discussed, including the legalization of divorce and the importance of forgiveness. The negative consequences of actions that do not belong to one of the two lands are emphasized, along with the need for individuals to handle emotions and avoiding offense. The importance of forgiveness is emphasized, and the need for individuals to handle emotions is emphasized. The speakers emphasize the importance of avoiding double-stuffing, privacy concerns, and the need for a healthy relationship. The speakers also touch on issues related to marriage, including limiting sex pleasure, problems with the husband, and problems with women.
AI: Transcript ©
00:00:10 --> 00:00:11


00:00:13 --> 00:00:13


00:00:15 --> 00:00:30

wa Salatu was Salam ala softened MBA almost sitting there being you know, awkward whatsoever Mohammed Ali, he also Salah was good to Sneem. All of them I didn't know we may, in fact are now in fact, knowing that and mtna was even their own money out of that, I mean

00:00:34 --> 00:00:36

we are moving right along with three out of sight again.

00:00:40 --> 00:00:44

We've reached a very famous Hadith today.

00:00:45 --> 00:00:57

So Allah will just talk about this one, and then we'll go right into a very juicy section of the south of marriage. And whenever you talk about marriage, you're always also talking about

00:00:58 --> 00:01:04

divorce. At the same time, we will see that today, we're gonna be talking about the rights of spouses

00:01:08 --> 00:01:11

and how to contextualize discussions about

00:01:12 --> 00:01:13

the rights of spouses.

00:01:16 --> 00:01:19

So how do you remember Tony in the book

00:01:25 --> 00:01:46

there might be a little bit of a difference between a translation I have versus the translation I'm showing you but it's all pretty much the same. On Me, sir Adel hungry Radi Allahu Anhu. He said that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, there once upon a time there was a man from among a nation before you who killed 99 people.

00:01:48 --> 00:02:01

And then after that he made an inquiry as to who was the most learned person on earth. The people that answered him directed him to a month

00:02:02 --> 00:02:13

he came to him and told him that he had killed 99 people and asked him if there was any chance that Allah would accept his repentance.

00:02:16 --> 00:02:18

He replied, No.

00:02:19 --> 00:02:21

And the man then

00:02:22 --> 00:02:23

killed him,

00:02:24 --> 00:02:27

making it a even 100.

00:02:28 --> 00:02:36

He then asked again, those who are around him about who was the most learned person on earth, he was directed this time to a scholar.

00:02:41 --> 00:02:59

He told the scholar that he had killed 100 people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted by Allah. He answered, however, yes. And then he followed up the question by saying, Who stands between you and repentance?

00:03:02 --> 00:03:20

go to such and such a land. Then he sprang before he even gets the answer. He launches into advice as go to such and such a place. There you will find people devoted to prayer and worship of Allah, join them in worship and do not come back to the to your land, because it is an evil place.

00:03:21 --> 00:03:29

So he went away, and hardly had he made it half the distance when death overtook him, he died.

00:03:30 --> 00:03:45

And there was a dispute between the angels of mercy and the angels of torments, the angels of Mercy pleaded, this man has come with repenting hearts to Allah. And the angels of punishment argued he never did a single virtuous deed in his whole life.

00:03:47 --> 00:03:56

Then there appeared another angel in the form of a human being and the contending angels agreed to make him the arbiter. He's the tiebreaker.

00:03:59 --> 00:04:07

He said to them measure the distance between the two lands, he will be considered belonging to whichever land he is closer to.

00:04:08 --> 00:04:13

They measured and found him closer to the land of piety, where he had intended to go.

00:04:14 --> 00:04:23

And so the angels of Mercy collected his soul. This hadith is multifocal in LA, it's both in Sahih al Bukhari and Sahih Muslim. In another version,

00:04:25 --> 00:04:28

it pretty much does the same thing. Let's see if there's any differences.

00:04:30 --> 00:04:32

It says that Allah commanded

00:04:34 --> 00:04:49

him to move over here, excuse me, and another version, Allah Himself commands. So when they're arguing over which side he belongs to, after he's died, Allah Himself commands that the land he fled from,

00:04:50 --> 00:04:59

move away from the dead body and the land that he was heading towards drawing nearer and then he

00:05:00 --> 00:05:02

said to the angels now measure the distance.

00:05:03 --> 00:05:13

And it was found that he was nearer to the, the land that he was intending to go to, than that wish he had come from and thus was forgiven.

00:05:16 --> 00:05:28

This is one of the most fundamental traditions of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, we have for many, many, many different things.

00:05:29 --> 00:05:33

We can talk probably three classes about this hadith, but I promise I'll keep it to this class.

00:05:35 --> 00:05:38

The first most obvious takeaway from this hadith

00:05:39 --> 00:05:43

is that there is no sin too big for Allah.

00:05:45 --> 00:05:48

There is no sin, too big for Allah to forgive.

00:05:50 --> 00:06:16

Forget everything else forget. No, but what about this, the conditions of repentance, this that the other, that sometimes muddies the waters, sometimes it gets us distracted. As to the main point, the overall point is that if you repent to Allah, He will forgive you. No matter what the nature of the sin is,

00:06:18 --> 00:06:19

doesn't matter your past.

00:06:20 --> 00:06:28

Doesn't matter how bad it was. The door to repentance is always open. Okay.

00:06:31 --> 00:06:45

In this story, we have somebody who did he was a serial killer, he had to kill 99 people, and we're not talking about someone in the battlefield, we're talking about, you know, somebody like your next door neighbor. Right? This is a heinous crime.

00:06:47 --> 00:06:51

It's one of the few crimes that has a fixed punishment in Islamic law.

00:06:54 --> 00:06:58

But if such a person is possible to repent,

00:06:59 --> 00:07:02

then anything less than that

00:07:03 --> 00:07:05

is also eligible for forgiveness.

00:07:07 --> 00:07:09

If you turn your life around,

00:07:11 --> 00:07:24

and say that you're sorry, Allah is going to welcome you with open arms, so to speak, just as we had in the other Hadith before, about how happy Allah is at the repenting servants,

00:07:25 --> 00:07:34

happy happier than someone who was in the desert and lost their camel and thought they were going to die and then suddenly found their camp that includes such a person as this.

00:07:37 --> 00:07:38

And we really

00:07:39 --> 00:08:02

understand the mercy of a lost power to Ireland, because this is far more merciful, merciful and charitable, than we are with the creation. Think about your think about your family members. Think about the friends that you've had. Right? In life. People do mean things to you. People

00:08:03 --> 00:08:15

don't maintain their relationships with you like they should. Sometimes people make cruel accusations. Sometimes people hold grudges. Sometimes people abuse other people,

00:08:16 --> 00:08:26

verbally and otherwise, sometimes psychological abuse, all these sorts of things. This is part of human life. It is it's tragic, but it is.

00:08:29 --> 00:08:35

And if that person who hurt us who abused us, who wronged us time and time again.

00:08:37 --> 00:08:48

Were to one day really actually change and come back to us and say I'm sorry, please forgive me, take me back into your life, we would probably say no.

00:08:50 --> 00:09:05

You've crossed the line too many times. I can't look at you, without being triggered. Right? We have all this now awareness in our popular culture, which we didn't have 20 years ago about trauma and how these sorts of things work.

00:09:07 --> 00:09:30

And that's not wrong. We're not trying to deliver the message. Well, Allah is this forgiving, and so you should be that forgiving. No. You have the right to cut people out of your lives. If that's what happened. The Prophet SAW Selim, he said that the believer is not stung by the same hole twice. We're not naive. You don't have to be a martyr. You can cut people off if they have wronged you.

00:09:34 --> 00:09:35

But Allah doesn't do that.

00:09:37 --> 00:09:51

We do that because we're operating from a place of weakness. We can't handle a certain amount of abuse. We can't handle a certain amount of trauma. Once we're pushed past a certain limit, it's just we have to,

00:09:52 --> 00:09:54

we have to cut off.

00:09:55 --> 00:09:59

Allah is not weak. Allah is not coming from a place of weakness. Allah is coming from a place of

00:10:00 --> 00:10:00


00:10:01 --> 00:10:03

uncountable infinite strength

00:10:05 --> 00:10:13

and forbearance and tolerance. And so it doesn't matter. Whatever you think that you're going to do. It's not going to hurt Allah, he has no money.

00:10:14 --> 00:10:16

It's not going to hurt him at all.

00:10:18 --> 00:10:21

He's not taking it personally. Right.

00:10:26 --> 00:10:39

And so allows felons. I was able to forgive anything, anything eligible for forgiveness? It's not necessarily if somebody comes and repentance, sincerely repents, yes, yes. Anything.

00:10:40 --> 00:10:47

And this is, this is an is a fantastic question you just asked in the chat, we'll get to that in one second. This is

00:10:49 --> 00:10:50

almost my train of thought.

00:10:58 --> 00:10:58


00:11:00 --> 00:11:17

you get the point. So in the the question that chat is a very, very good question. In the past, we talked about how punishment is justice to the victims and their families and a form of mercy. How does this apply in this situation? Fantastic. Fantastic. Because we differentiate between the rights of Allah subhanaw taala, and the rights of people.

00:11:19 --> 00:11:32

Does murder have a punishment? In the Sharia? Yes, it does. Is that punishment in the city of fixed, I mean, it has conditions, you know, like it has it, there are some situations in which it's not applicable.

00:11:34 --> 00:11:53

United States of America being one of them, like and other sorts of situations, but on the books in a sort of, like, you know, ideal political arrangement, it is a valid punishment, and the punishment is carried out not because of the rights of Allah.

00:11:54 --> 00:12:14

But because of the rights of the people. When it comes to the rights of Allah, Allah has the right to forgive that person. This happened. There were people that were executed. During that not very many, maybe like three or four tops. During the time of the Prophet Muhammad Ali Sena. Most of them turn themselves in.

00:12:15 --> 00:12:20

Because they want it to be forgiven. They wanted the punishment to be an expiation for them.

00:12:21 --> 00:12:26

Right. We're not like Christians, we don't imagine that we're dispatching these people to *.

00:12:28 --> 00:12:34

We actually believe that listen, Allah has left this door open for you to take this punishment. And that's your penance.

00:12:35 --> 00:12:41

And if you take it, then you're you're good. You've served your time you've wiped your slate now you can get past it and move on.

00:12:44 --> 00:12:50

So when people are punished, it's because of the rights that they took, or that they violated from the people.

00:12:51 --> 00:12:54

Because justice to the people has to be done.

00:12:56 --> 00:13:04

But if that person repented than Allah can forgive them, that person can be forgiven in the afterlife for anything that they done, absolutely anything.

00:13:06 --> 00:13:15

But repenting and being forgiven doesn't also mean that they don't go, it doesn't also mean that they go unpunished on Earth. Does that answer your question?

00:13:21 --> 00:13:22

Very good question. Thanks for asking that.

00:13:25 --> 00:13:54

So Are there limitations conditions to Allah's mercy, okay, technically, yes, but we don't want that to be the main takeaway. The main takeaway is hope. Right? Because part of the devil's job is to try very hard to convince you that there is no hope to try very hard to persuade you that you're too far gone. You're too evil, you're too wicked, you can't be redeemed.

00:13:56 --> 00:14:01

And if that's the clusion conclusion you come to if you succumb to this sort of mentality

00:14:03 --> 00:14:04


00:14:05 --> 00:14:10

repentance becomes impossible because you you chose to not go that way.

00:14:13 --> 00:14:25

That's why Allah subhanaw taala begins every single chapter except for one of them with Bismillah AR Rahman Rahim he wants you to know that yes, He is the Most Merciful if there's one thing you take from the Koran is that Allah is merciful

00:14:26 --> 00:14:37

all the other stuff, okay, it's not I'm not gonna say it's window dressing, but it is it's something of less significance, then a law telling you that He is the Most Merciful

00:14:39 --> 00:14:50

because as some wise person said at some point, it doesn't matter how many steps away from a law you take all it takes is one back to him

00:14:51 --> 00:14:53

to gain his forgiveness.

00:14:54 --> 00:14:59

So that's the main takeaway from this hadith when it comes to the other things are there sir

00:15:00 --> 00:15:32

In sort of like qualifying restrictions to Allah's forgiveness, yes, it has to be, for example, sincere, okay, that should go without saying it can't be lip service, right? It has to, you know, come before the Day of Judgment like we had in the other Hadith before that's right, has to come before like you're actually grasped by the by the by death, okay. But those are minor points compared to the overall message.

00:15:33 --> 00:15:38

Another thing that we get from this hadith, and this is a huge one these days is

00:15:39 --> 00:15:49

how to give advice and how not to give advice. Okay, notice here, there's two, two situations in which this happens. First of all,

00:15:50 --> 00:16:00

the dude is doing, the guy who murdered nine people is doing the equivalent of like going on Facebook or Twitter and asking all of his friends like a religious question.

00:16:01 --> 00:16:07

He's literally like, hey, everybody around me, who's the most knowledgeable person on on Earth?

00:16:08 --> 00:16:14

What's the kind of response that you're going to get? If you cast it out? That broad? Yeah, they pointed him in the wrong direction.

00:16:15 --> 00:16:28

Right? They sent him to the wrong guy. They sent him to a worshipper, a monk, somebody who didn't necessarily have knowledge, they shut themselves up. And they, you know, they spent all their time in worship, but they didn't really know what they were talking about,

00:16:29 --> 00:16:31

which is another point of the study.

00:16:32 --> 00:16:36

Okay, so that's the first instance of bad advice.

00:16:37 --> 00:16:43

And they're both blameworthy because he didn't know how to ask and they didn't know to say we all know, sorry.

00:16:45 --> 00:16:50

And the second instance, of bad advice is the response of the monk,

00:16:51 --> 00:16:58

the monk, if he doesn't have knowledge, he should shut his mouth. And he should say, I don't know. Go ask someone who knows.

00:16:59 --> 00:17:15

But he doesn't. He says, like, someone comes and asks him, it's like, do you think a long way? Forgive me? It's like, No way, man, you're done for right? What a crude response. And we talked before I told a story about, you know, crude responses to people.

00:17:16 --> 00:17:21

Okay, if you haven't studied this religion in some sort of formal way,

00:17:22 --> 00:17:25

your job is not to be asked answering questions.

00:17:27 --> 00:17:32

That's not your role. It's not anything personal. It's not your role, direct them to somebody else.

00:17:34 --> 00:17:49

You can be a friend, you can be supportive. And man, we see this with new converts all the time, Dana, back me up. I know you're I know, you're listening. When you book when a new person becomes a Muslim. Everybody wants to tell them what they should be doing.

00:17:53 --> 00:17:54

And nobody knows what they're talking about.

00:17:55 --> 00:18:06

Right? We say or the right amount used to tell us either half is the shape. Fair took a shape. Right? If you've memorized one thing, guess what, something else missed. You evaded you.

00:18:08 --> 00:18:22

And so people, if they're going to be asking questions need to go to somebody who's qualified to answer them, not just for the technically right answer, but also for to Delta ranch. Also for

00:18:23 --> 00:18:32

pacing them. Right? Look at how Allah paced. He paced the companions. When did hijab come down?

00:18:33 --> 00:18:44

1516 years after Islam first came, when did the prohibition of alcohol come down? Again saying about 15 years? Yeah, about 15 years after Islam started.

00:18:45 --> 00:18:53

And then we've got mashallah young sister becomes a Muslim, and people are trying to tell her she's got to get married first thing, boom.

00:18:54 --> 00:19:01

She doesn't know how to pray. She doesn't know how to recite Surah Fatiha and you want to get her married? Are you insane?

00:19:05 --> 00:19:30

Yeah, you're right, not just new converts, it can turn you off to them. And this is a huge problem, we know. But also it also and I'll point this out, and then we should move on because oh man we're running out of time, is that this is also a tragedy of online factoids. Okay, one of the biggest the services that we have going on or online right now is the online fatwah. Yes. It's not q&a.

00:19:31 --> 00:19:32

Islam what?

00:19:34 --> 00:19:59

All whatever. Why? Because if you go to any book of if tat, or it was sort of legal theory, what is offense? Well, check Google. Oh, even worse, just Google is the worst one hobby, because that's what is limited to a context always. It's always limited to time and place. It's always limited to the person who's asking, So why then

00:20:00 --> 00:20:06

Would we take the answer and put it up on an online forum and then spread it around the world for all to read?

00:20:08 --> 00:20:44

This is a terrible mistake, a terrible mistake. And the prophets of Allah Julio Saddam, he didn't do things this way. When somebody came and asked him, Is it permissible to kiss your wife? While you're fasting during Ramadan? He told one person No, don't do it. Another person came, asked him the same question. He said, Yes, you may do it. Why? Because the situation's of the two people were different. The the first guy was young, dumb, and you know the rest of the of the phrase. And the second guy was an old man, he was, you know, more in control of his shadow of his libido, so to say,

00:20:45 --> 00:20:52

and so he deserves a different answer. This is the station of fatwah every single book of legal theory tells you this.

00:20:54 --> 00:21:06

These things are not meant to be copy paste answers. You're not supposed to be able to go online and send someone a link for a fence while if they're asking for a question.

00:21:07 --> 00:21:23

This isn't how it works. Somebody has to know the individual know where they're coming from, because you have to look at the consequences. What did the monk do here in the Hadith, he did not think about the consequences of his advice.

00:21:26 --> 00:21:32

And so not only did he lose his life, but the guy delayed his repentance.

00:21:36 --> 00:21:39

It would have been safer and better if he had kept his mouth shut and stayed in his lane.

00:21:44 --> 00:21:47

We see in this hadith, the superiority of knowledge to worship.

00:21:49 --> 00:22:00

The because someone who is knowledgeable benefits other people, someone who worships Of course, worship is great, but worship only benefits yourself and the people who are directly impacted by your example.

00:22:02 --> 00:22:26

We learned from this hadith that your surroundings matter, nurture your environment, your ecosystem, there can be a village or a country or a family or a household or a neighborhood or a circle of people. That is a bad influence on you that encourages you to do certain sin

00:22:27 --> 00:23:04

or prevents you from maximizing or taking advantage of the mercy that Allah is holding out for you offering you every single second of every single day. The mercy and the forgiveness of Allah was always there in the story. But what was the obstacle that was preventing this person from availing himself of that mercy was his environment, his environment, shaped what was normal for him structured what he thought was possible. And so he thought, repentance and change was not possible. When the item when the scholar directed him, he saw to the root cause of the issue.

00:23:06 --> 00:23:13

He didn't say you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or you know, you have to fear a law or this without the other. He said, change your environment.

00:23:14 --> 00:23:17

He saw the root of the issue, he addressed the root of the issue.

00:23:19 --> 00:23:27

And he said that a laws repentance, or Allah's forgiveness can be

00:23:28 --> 00:23:29

can be obtained.

00:23:30 --> 00:23:31

And finally,

00:23:33 --> 00:24:06

we have to realize, and this is why we read the second narration, because in the first narration that makes it kind of seem like it's arbitrary, right? Was he closer to this side or that side? And it just happens to be like, you know, rolling the dice, how far did he get? That's a metaphor. It's not literally about that, right? What it is, is where was his heart closer to Okay? And that's why the second narration clarifies that from the first one because a lost power to Allah commands the earth

00:24:08 --> 00:24:21

of the place he came from, to distance itself from him and from his dead body and commands the earth where he's going to to draw near because he knows that that's more reflective of what's in that person's heart.

00:24:22 --> 00:24:37

Right, so the whole distance thing is just a it's just the external it's the outer shell. What really mattered was where his heart was at and where he was going. Anybody have any questions about that? How do you before we get into marriage stuff?

00:24:52 --> 00:24:52


00:24:53 --> 00:24:54


00:24:58 --> 00:25:00

the next two sections are related

00:25:00 --> 00:25:08

Okay, let me take the share off of this. So basically, we have one section in which the scholars that are talking about

00:25:10 --> 00:25:24

when can you get a refund? When can you get your money back? Okay. And this notion is called CL. Okay, so Fiat is like, yeah, it's like you want your money back, you want a refund, okay?

00:25:26 --> 00:25:39

It's based off of commercial law. Because if for example, if for example, I go to the store, and I buy a sled, okay, I want to go sledding, it's winter snows awesome.

00:25:40 --> 00:25:45

And I buy it, I walk out of the place, and I see that the sled has a hole in it.

00:25:46 --> 00:26:02

Right? I say, Wait a second, this thing is defective, I can take it back and give a refund, okay. So there are situations in which spouses can sign a contract to get into a contract, they think everything's good, and on the up and up, and then when they get into,

00:26:03 --> 00:26:21

it's time to consummate the marriage, they find out things are not what they thought they were. Okay. And so there is the option of getting a refund, there is an option of pulling the plug on the marriage. At that stage, what are the valid reasons for doing so

00:26:22 --> 00:26:34

we're going to get into that. And it's related to your rights as a wife, or your rights as a husband. Now, before we get into talking about REITs,

00:26:35 --> 00:26:46

a fundamental thing that everybody has to understand, and the teachers and professors I had used to drill this into us every single day is that

00:26:48 --> 00:26:54

relationships cannot succeed. Based off of rights alone.

00:26:56 --> 00:27:07

Relationships cannot succeed. Based off of rights alone, what does that mean? That means that in this video, we have

00:27:09 --> 00:27:10

bare permissibility.

00:27:12 --> 00:27:14

And we have best practices,

00:27:15 --> 00:27:28

barely permissible, best practices. If, if you separate marriage into discrete kind of like roles, like how supportive Are you of your spouse? How,

00:27:29 --> 00:27:30

you know,

00:27:31 --> 00:27:48

tolerant of you of our of their behavior? How well do you take care of his interests, however, the so on so forth, if you were to separate all the roles or tasks of marriage, responsibilities of marriage, into discrete checkboxes,

00:27:49 --> 00:27:56

and every single one you're ticking off is barely permissible, barely permissible, barely permissible, and you're not excelling.

00:27:57 --> 00:28:04

You're not doing SN. In any of them, you will not have a successful relationship. And that goes for both spouses.

00:28:05 --> 00:28:12

Okay, so relationships, can't you get out of them what you put in, right? You can't

00:28:14 --> 00:28:18

just give the bare minimum, and he can't just give the bare minimum.

00:28:19 --> 00:28:49

And you expect that you're going to have a functioning family, that doesn't happen. And that's the danger of focusing or I should say, getting fixated on rights. Most people they come with this issue like, well, I want my rights and, you know, what are my rights? There are situations for that. Yes, there are situations for that we're going to talk about, but if that's your your first move, if that's your primary, a primary concern, then

00:28:51 --> 00:29:01

know that that is a very difficult attitude to approach any human relationship with. Okay, what am I getting out of it? Right, what's coming to me? Right?

00:29:03 --> 00:29:12

Why do we have chapters such as what are the bare permissible things? What are the essential rights because

00:29:13 --> 00:29:49

while Allah and the city, I want you to excel, in your relationships, they want you to give it your all and to work on yourself within the relationship. The law recognizes that there are situations where there is asymmetry, okay, where somebody is giving, they're all doing it SN and they're getting barely permissible or less than that in a relationship and so there have to be situations in the law that can dissolve a contract

00:29:50 --> 00:29:59

or can give away out remedy, remedy the grievance. Right in those scenarios.

00:30:00 --> 00:30:15

Okay, but what we don't want is we don't want you taking the rights and then going back to your husbands and smashing in their face and say, Look, you need to give me this you need, okay? If they're going to have the same attitude to you, you guys are gonna get in a fight. Right?

00:30:16 --> 00:30:54

Or Shake, shake, I'm delicious pizza used to tell us, if everybody insists on taking every single right from the other person, then the relationship can't happen. Right? There has to be a little bit a degree of tenacity, tenacity, it means like, each side is going to overlook some things. It's natural has to happen. Because I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, your spouse's aren't perfect. And so there's certain areas in which we're going to excel. And there are certain areas in which we're going to fail miserably.

00:30:55 --> 00:31:04

Not due to intention, that's, that's abuse, not due to intention, but because of limitation, habit, all these sorts of things. Right.

00:31:05 --> 00:31:06

All of that set,

00:31:08 --> 00:31:09

what are those

00:31:10 --> 00:31:17

ground floor level, Red Line rights that

00:31:18 --> 00:31:25

everybody is entitled to, within a marriage contract? Let's get into it.

00:31:27 --> 00:31:29

The first has to do with

00:31:31 --> 00:31:32

sexual pleasure.

00:31:35 --> 00:32:09

There are many, many, many issues that are talked about in the classical books. I always say if you ever want to teach your teenagers or your pre teen * ed, the best thing you can do is make them read the books of FIP. Because you get every sort of fluid that comes out of every sort of place of the body, and you talk about marriage, and it's a very young, removed dispassionate way to talk about these things. But I digress. Anything that removes inhibits prevents

00:32:10 --> 00:32:12

the act of consummation, or

00:32:15 --> 00:32:16

sexual fulfillment

00:32:18 --> 00:32:20

is grounds for the marriage to be dissolved.

00:32:22 --> 00:32:54

Okay, that might be a physical defect. Okay, if you sign a marriage contract with somebody, you get into it, and it's like, whoa, something is going on that prevents this fundamental part of a man have an intimate relationship, a romantic relationship, then that is grounds, a shake of body, move to Mufti can come and dissolve that marriage. Yes. On either side, on either side of the problems with the husband, the problems with the wife, it doesn't matter. It's no different.

00:32:57 --> 00:33:23

There are some differences of opinion as to what are the particular things but we're not going to get into that it's a little bit explicit. But in general, these sorts of things that prevent that make it impossible to have fulfillment in this particular arena, this particular area, then it can be an often is grounds for dissolving of the of the contract.

00:33:27 --> 00:33:30

Okay, that's not necessarily okay. The second

00:33:32 --> 00:33:35

fundamental thing is

00:33:37 --> 00:33:41

being able to provide Okay, now this is

00:33:43 --> 00:33:44

coming from

00:33:45 --> 00:33:48

obviously, the direction of the husband.

00:33:49 --> 00:34:01

Because the husband, it's his obligation to provide for his wife, it is not an obligation for a woman to provide for herself

00:34:03 --> 00:34:17

or for the children that come about from their marriage. If she chooses to, she can work she can have a career, no problem, this is something that needs to be discussed and agreed upon within the relationship.

00:34:18 --> 00:34:20

However, strictly speaking,

00:34:21 --> 00:34:25

the wife is not responsible for

00:34:26 --> 00:34:43

financial provision, that is the duty of the husband. It is symbolized in the institution of the gallery, which we talked about earlier. And it is important that he takes that duty seriously. So if there comes a time

00:34:45 --> 00:34:50

when either you are promised a dowry

00:34:52 --> 00:34:57

you signed your name on the dotted line. Okay, you're married, technically.

00:34:58 --> 00:34:59

And we said before

00:35:00 --> 00:35:03

that your dowry is payable upon consummation.

00:35:05 --> 00:35:14

The night of consummation comes and dude hasn't paid up. And he kind of can't, then that is grounds to dissolve the marriage contract.

00:35:15 --> 00:35:20

No woman has to put up with that. She's not asked to put up with that.

00:35:21 --> 00:35:30

Okay. The same situation happens if, after the dowry is paid, consummation happens.

00:35:31 --> 00:35:40

Everybody's in a relationship. And if the husband becomes unable to provide for the wife or the family now we're not talking about

00:35:41 --> 00:35:42

oh, yeah, we're gonna get there.

00:35:43 --> 00:35:56

Oh, yes. Am I sorry? I misread your question. What if the wife calls the vet and the husband refuse? Yes. Yes. If it's persistent, if it's a one off thing, if it's a one off thing, then.

00:35:58 --> 00:36:01

And this is where we get into the discussion of rights. Okay, so

00:36:03 --> 00:36:06

yes, the woman has the right to intimacy with her husband.

00:36:09 --> 00:36:11

A woman who is not fulfilled

00:36:12 --> 00:36:14

by her husband,

00:36:15 --> 00:36:17

sexually has the right to

00:36:19 --> 00:36:21

get a divorce or get the marriage dissolved.

00:36:22 --> 00:36:33

However, however, there are certain situations in which there are underlying issues, right. This is where you need to go to a Mufti or somebody who can look into

00:36:34 --> 00:36:55

the entire situation. I remember one of our shakes, he told us, he told us this story. And this is the danger of, you know, people who are in the position of giving religious advice. We are dependent upon the information that comes to us, okay. Even the Prophet saw a sudden he said this in a heartbeat. So, for example, there was a

00:36:57 --> 00:37:02

man came to him, that's a shave. And he said, My wife stopped praying.

00:37:05 --> 00:37:19

And he said, That's really strange. That's horrible. And he's like, I want you to come and talk to her and, you know, convince her she asked to pray and, okay, okay. He said, Okay, no problem. He comes to the house, he talks to the wife. He said, You know, I hear you're not praying, like what's going on?

00:37:21 --> 00:37:25

And then it comes out. She says, The Stasi says, you know, what he did to me?

00:37:26 --> 00:37:48

What he's like, you know, how, you know, in some of the Hadith, and the stories in the setup, if you're waking up your spouse, like to pray for Phaedra, you get maybe a little like, bit of water on your fingers, and like, you know, little, little flick or something like that a droplet. She's like, well, guess what he did? He took a whole bucket of cold water and threw it on me.

00:37:50 --> 00:37:51

So I stopped praying.

00:37:53 --> 00:38:06

So the Sheikh said, Okay, there's a underlying issue here. Okay. If there's an underlying issue to why intimacy is not happening in a marriage, it needs to be addressed, and it needs to be solved.

00:38:08 --> 00:38:17

But if there's no resolution to the underlying issue, if it's being done to punish you on purpose, and he admits that

00:38:18 --> 00:38:27

or if it's through negligence, dude, like is this happened sometimes dude is out of the country, maybe for six months? A year?

00:38:28 --> 00:38:29

What the what?

00:38:31 --> 00:38:51

Everybody's different. Everybody has different level of need. Some women have a high libido some women don't some men have a high libido, some don't. If the woman is unfulfilled, and this thing is recurring, yes, it can definitely be cause for dissolving the marriage and giving away out to the woman 100% Just like if it were for a man.

00:38:53 --> 00:39:07

So getting back to let me know if that answers your question, getting back to provision. So we have provision in the instance of the dowry, and then we have provision after the dowry. Okay. The man is responsible for providing if the man becomes

00:39:08 --> 00:39:33

incapable of providing, and we're talking Bare Necessities here, we're not talking about, you know, a mansion in Beverly Hills. We're not talking about you know, Alexis, we're talking about if the man can't pay the bills, can't put food on the table. Right? These sorts of things, then the wife has the right to get the contract dissolved by a religious authority.

00:39:37 --> 00:40:00

Notes though, however, and we live in times where we've seen this sort of situation, when it comes to rights. Everybody has the option to forego their rights. Okay. So, if there's people want different things out of a marriage, if you have a woman who has lots of money, but she's older, maybe she's getting towards her 40

00:40:00 --> 00:40:02

She wants to have children. She hasn't really had children.

00:40:03 --> 00:40:09

Okay, she's economically fine. She can forego her right to provision.

00:40:10 --> 00:40:50

Because that's what she that's not what she wants from the marriage. She wants kids. Right? That's her right? She can do that. And so on and so forth. So all of these rights can be forgotten if it's done out of goodwill and mutual consent, however, if it's not forgotten if it's taken away, you know, now that you don't have to put up with Oh, you have to be patient, you have to be patient. Oh, you know, you have to obey. You have to obey your husband. No, there's red lines. There's red lines and Arma Robbie Allahu Anhu. When he was Khalifa, he did some shocking things. There were some guys that were out on jihad for months and months and months at a time in Iraq because they were fighting

00:40:50 --> 00:40:51

us the Persian army.

00:40:52 --> 00:41:03

And he told them he's like, Look, if y'all don't send money back to your families or go back and visit them I'm going to desert dissolve all your marriage contracts. Right? So this is a serious thing

00:41:08 --> 00:41:11

Okay, those issues don't apply those issues don't apply. Okay.

00:41:14 --> 00:41:37

What are the particular things are going out of time? All right, I'll run over now that that was the vibe of the of the says the chapter on getting your money back or your refund or whatever. Now we're crossing into proper the chapter on spousal rights. Okay. I already mentioned some of them, but we're going to get into others. I'm gonna gonna just run down the list of

00:41:38 --> 00:41:44

consensus points. And then next class, we'll get into areas where there's differences of opinion. Okay. So

00:41:47 --> 00:42:09

all scholars agree there's consensus that the woman's right, the wife's right is what's called nessa Kiswa. Okay, never thought is maintenance provision, and Kiswa is clothing, food, clothing shelter. Right? These are the basics the man has to provide them. Not providing them is grounds for annoying the marriage.

00:42:12 --> 00:42:17

They all agree. They all agree that this provision

00:42:19 --> 00:42:23

is obligatory on a husband to pay to a wife who is

00:42:25 --> 00:42:33

we should say a person of goodwill. She's not trying to manipulate her husband, she's not trying to

00:42:35 --> 00:42:45

do certain things in an aggressive way, in a provocative way to him, we'll get into what that means when we get into the chapter because there's a difference of opinion.

00:42:47 --> 00:43:20

What becomes obligatory if a woman for example, abandons her husband, right, that's the sort of situation that we're talking about. They had a fight, or a series of fights. And then the woman just ups and leaves pasture stuff and goes, is the man still required to provide for her until they have some clarity as to whether they're still married or not? This is a difference of opinion. But if that's not the scenario, then there's no way out for the man he has to provide for that woman clothing and maintenance and all those things that we mentioned.

00:43:25 --> 00:43:28

Okay, that's not applicable.

00:43:31 --> 00:43:57

If and we can talk about this later, because this is a hot button issue. If there are more than one wife in the picture, then all of the scholars agree that the man has to be just between them, he has to be just and give with equity, both of his time and of His provision. We can talk about that further next time if you want.

00:43:59 --> 00:44:09

There is consensus that if a couple splits up, and there is a nursing child, that the woman

00:44:10 --> 00:44:20

the divorced wife, must nurse the child only if only if no other woman

00:44:22 --> 00:44:45

is able to nurse that child. Okay, understand. So if there's any other woman that's able to nurse this child, it's not a requirement for that woman to nurse her child that's sired from her now ex husband. However, if there's no one else in the world, that can or will do this thing, nursing the child, then she has to step up, that's our obligation to that child.

00:44:48 --> 00:44:57

And piggyback off of that, pardon the expression that the ex husband is required to pay her wages for that for that service.

00:44:59 --> 00:44:59


00:45:00 --> 00:45:01

It is not applicable

00:45:08 --> 00:45:23

there's consensus that if a marriage is agreed upon and the dowry is something that's haram, like a pig, or a bottle of wine, that the marriage still stands, but the dowry is considered

00:45:24 --> 00:45:35

void, nullified. And the woman is given what's called a mountain missile which is like the the going rate quote, unquote, of

00:45:36 --> 00:45:46

of Valerie's for women of her station and age and education and so on and so forth what what we talked about earlier

00:45:55 --> 00:46:04

and that pretty much does it as far as the things that the scholars have consensus upon, and next time inshallah we'll get into things of which there is difference of opinion in

00:46:06 --> 00:46:11

does anybody have any questions regarding the sorts of things that we talked about today?

00:46:30 --> 00:46:30


00:46:49 --> 00:47:00

Tommy, good to have you back with a standard of everything's alright. The family is good. Okay, Inshallah, then I will see you soon sha Allah, Allah to Allah, Allah Assalamu alaikum

Share Page

Related Episodes