Don’t Judge Me- Between Affirmation & Growth

Tom Facchine


Channel: Tom Facchine

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First took my Shahada. It was in a mess sheet in West Philadelphia, I was taken down into the basement, I was explained a few things I already knew about a SNAM. And then I repeated those words in Arabic, that now you've heard hundreds and hundreds of times, over and over again. My wife was with me at the time when I was married at the time that I accepted Islam. However, my wife was not yet ready to convert to Islam. So Little did I know that there was a sister upstairs, that was grilling my wife, at the same time that I was in the basement, taking my Shahada. And she asked my wife, are you also going to take your shahada today? And my wife said very kindly, I don't think I'm

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ready yet. I'm still thinking about some things. At that point, this woman said to my wife, well, you know, now that every touch between you two is haram.

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What was wrong with the scenario? Let's rewind, and let's break it down. The first issue here is speaking without knowledge. Speaking without knowledge is a calamity, you might think that you know something. But when you get into it, and you learn even more, you realize that what you thought you knew, is no is not even applicable, let alone sound. This particular individual had an impression that if somebody enters into a SNAM, that erases somebody's marriage contract that they had before Islam, and that is simply not true, especially if a man accepts Islam, and his wife is from the people of the book, then this is something that happens to some of the companions, and the marriage

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contract, the contract is completely valid. The second issue with what happened is not knowing somebody situation for all that person knew. And she says that to somebody, it might scare them away from Islam for years and years and years. They might say, Well, what kind of religion is this? You're telling me that now I have to leave my husband and do these sorts of things. The third thing that was troubling is that this person had no relationship to us. She had no idea who I was or who my wife was. We didn't know if we could trust her or not, where is she getting this information from? And the final piece is not knowing or not thinking about the consequences of the things that

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you say,

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her mentality was, well, all I have to do is say it and then let the chips fall, where they may. Now fast forward a couple years. Thankfully, this was not a big issue for me, or for my wife, Hamdulillah. She eventually accepted asylum as well as all of you know, I started studying, okay, and what's the trouble about when you start to study is that you start to think that you know, things. And so just two or three years later, I put myself in a similar situation that that lady put herself in. I was in the machine after federal prayer. And I knew that there was this one brother, who he had pants that were down past his ankles, and I had read the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu

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alayhi wasallam. That's in Sahih al Bukhari and Abby Harada taco and interviews of Allahu alayhi wa sallam call it mas Philomena Kobane Mina is our Sufi now. The translation of literal translation, that hadith is that whatever is below the two ankles from the ease out of the undergarments is in the fire. So what did I do? I knew this one Hadith, and you're supposed to share what you know, isn't that true? So I set up

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an ambush of advice for this one individual. I was waiting after fetcher. I even had sahih al Bukhari open before me, like I just happen to accidentally be reading it. And I waited for him to be done his liquor. And I waited him and I said, Excuse me, brother.

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Can you read this hadith to me? Of course, I've already knew what it said. He read the Hadith. And he was very kind and very generous towards me. He said, thank you very much. That's interesting. And then he left. I thought I had done my duty now let's rewind. And let's look at what was wrong with the situation. First of all, I was speaking without knowledge.

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Either Halfords a che and the concert as Yeah, if you memorize one thing, there's many, many things that you haven't even become aware of yet. Little did I know and it was years until I went to Medina and traveled and studied and gathered all of the Hadith about this particular issue that I come to learn that the vast majority of scholars said that this is specifically what's below the two ankle bones of men's clothes. It's clear that as if he does it out of arrogance, and that one of the Hadith about Abu Bakr explains the rest of the Hadith in question as men Jarrah Silva who who yalla lamb Jamboree, Allahu Allah Yamuna piano, whoever drags their clothes out of arrogance, Allah

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subhanaw taala will not look at them on the Day of Judgment, Abu Bakr, about whom this hadith is he

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said hey ya rasool Allah, one side of my throat drags down and I can't help it. What should I do? And Walker was very skinny. A belt did not help him at all. For call let us hula he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in Nicola status now with Erica who yalla prahari, the Prophet SAW, I still don't replied, you don't do it out of arrogance. So basically, I did not know what I was talking about. The vast majority of scholars have said that this, at the worst is my crew. And it's specifically tied to Aquila, to arrogance.

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The second thing that was wrong with what I did is that I did not know this brother situation. I did not know probably even his name. I hadn't seen him very many times before. And that brings us to the third we did not have a relationship. Why would he trust me? This random person in the masjid who just happen to know one single thing? And finally, I did not consider the consequences of my words. Okay, would I make that brother feel a certain way that he did not want to come back to the machine a second time? Would I make that brother feel a certain way that maybe he's going to go to a different machine from now on? I did not consider these things.

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The interesting thing is that that was just two or three years after the first experience that I shared. So the question is, what could make me forget so quickly, I was just in a situation where I was on the receiving end of unsolicited advice, or uninformed advice. And now here I am two or three laters, two or three years later, the perpetrator of exactly that. Part of it is the psychology that is involved when many of us try to give somebody advice. We think, if I don't say this, maybe I'm going to be punished in the hereafter. Maybe this person will blame me on the day of judgment, I have to give it I have to say it, regardless of the consequences, then my job is done. And the

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question that I would like us to ask is, Is this the right framework, from which we should be giving advice? Was this the actual practice of the Center for Saudi to relay things that they didn't even understand? Yes, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said ballyhoo Annie Willow narrates from me, even if it's just one verse. But did he mean this sada he salatu salam in the context of giving advice and instruction? Or did he rather mean it in the context of riba of preserving the speech of the Prophet Allah He stood out to the Sudan and the Koran. Rather, if we go to the Hadith we find what's the framework that we should be giving each other advice in? Is the framework of na si ha. In

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the well known Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said in Edina, nussey Ha, Holden, Lima Ania. Rasool Allah, Allah Allah Allah wa ala Kitabi will lead us only Wally in Mattila Mosley Meanwhile, I'm at the hem the Dean our entire way or entire faith is no see her and see her is usually translated as advice itself. But any critical reading of this hadith reveals that no see how can that possibly just be translated as advice? How do you give advice to Allah? Remember the first part Lehmann or father Lila? It's not possible to give advice to Allah. It's not possible to give advice to Allah's book, or advice to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam this doesn't make sense.

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The true meaning of nnessee Ha has to do with sincerity and loyalty. We can find linguistically a related word in a zoo in Surah Tatry Mala as well, just as Yeah, yo Hala Dena Amira, tubo it Allah Toba 10 na so ha. Oh, you have the leaves repent to Allah with sincere repentance. Your sincere repentance comes out of your loyalty to Allah azza wa jal above everything else. All of a sudden the Hadith makes sense. The deen is about loyalty. It's about being loyal to Allah. It's about loyal loyalty to his revelation. It's about being loyal to his Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and it's about being loyal to every single other Muslim in the world. What loyalty looks like is

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different depending on who we're talking about. Loyalty to ALLAH SubhanA is found in sincere repentance, loyalty to Allah's book and his revelation is found in taking it seriously and applying it in our lives. Loyalty to Allah's prophets is found in taking them as our guides and role models and loyalty to the Muslims is found in loving for your fellow Muslim. What you love for yourself, the famous Hadith that everybody knows that you know hudec

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On Hatha Yoga, belly as he he may have hibel Enough sera Wahoo Bukhari Muslim. Now one of you truly believes until you love for your fellow Muslim what you love for yourself. Okay, we know that. But what does it look like? Is it just simply giving advice? No, it's way, way more than that. We have the famous story of Ivanov Bess, one of the most important stories when it comes to implementing this.

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Even a bass, he needed to buy a horse. Remember, horses were like cars back then he sent a servant down into the marketplace, okay, down into the marketplace in order to buy him a horse. The servant gets to the marketplace. And he finds the perfect horse. Think about your Lamborghini, your Bugatti, your Maserati, whatever it is, this was the best horse in the whole marketplace. Okay, he starts to haggle with the merchant. He says no, it's too expensive. Give me less Give me it for less give me he talks him down, talks him down, talks him down until he gets it at a good price. And we in the Muslim community know how much we appreciate a good price. Right? So he's excited, he gets the deal.

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He goes back to even at bass and he says you'll never you'll never guess what I got. I got this horse is the perfect horse. For the best price. Come on, let's go and take it before he changes his mind. So everything a bass goes with a servant down to the marketplace. And he asks the merchant he says, You said you're going to sell me this horse for this price. Merchant says yes, I will. He said No, I'm not going to pay that little take more.

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The merchant was shocked. What did you just say? Take more. He said yes. I'm not going to accept it for the price that you said, I'm gonna pay you this much. And he said a price more than what they had agreed to. The merchant was surprised and he was happy. He said, Okay, sure. If and I both said, No, that's not enough. I'm gonna pay you more. And he raised the price again. And the merchant said, Okay, that's fine with me, or the note that said, No, it's not enough, I'm gonna pay you more. And he kept on haggling and reverse, pushing the price up and up and up until the price was more than what the merchant originally asked for. The merchant at the end was embarrassed. He said, Stop,

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please, please, let's just end it here. Give me that and we'll be good. And then they they finished the deal. And he said they're gonna ask How could you? I've never seen anybody like you. Why would you possibly do this? This is the opposite of how people act. And even our best are the Allahu Anhu. He said, I would not sell my horse for less than this price. That's an assault. That's nothing Haha, that's being loyal, treating each other the way you would treat the way you want to be treated, not looking to cut corners and shortcut and take all of what you can from your brother. And then when it's time for you to give your child to give the least amount possible. The story of imminent best

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teaches us that loyalty now see her is so much more than just advice. It's a relationship. It's not simply cognitive or intellectual. It's not just information that we pass on to one another. It needs context. It needs care. It needs to think about the consequences of what you're about to say if we are truly loyal to one another. What do we just remind people of the rulings haram haram haram Khaled Khaled, Khaled Why should Why should Why should follow? Is that what loyalty looks like? Do this Don't do that? Or would we take the time to figure out what motivates our fellow Muslim? Would we give them enough straight space to express their anxieties and their doubts? Would we try to help

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others in a beautiful way in a way that we would love that other people that would use for us? Or would we just shoot from the hip? No Filter, no matter what the consequences? This isn't about telling people what they want to hear. And it's not about sugarcoating anything. This is about demonstrating your loyalty, demonstrating your sincerity. The last thing that we want is for our effort to go to waste or even worse, for our effort to be held against us. Didn't Allah subhanaw taala say at the end of Surah telecast? Hello, Nabil Khan, Bill Asare in an IRA. Tell them Should we inform you of the biggest losers? Allah the novelist, Johan Phil hayati, dunya, we're home yes

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everyone and home UFC known as those who wasted their efforts in the dunya. And they thought they were doing good

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because if advising other people is really about showing off, or reinforcing our egos, despite what we tell ourselves, it's not going to

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help other people. It's not going to bring us any reward. And it's only going to hurt us in the afterlife. How cool locally Heather was talking Hola Hola. Hola como la serie Muslim Elam in Colombia. Let's talk through in the hula hula Rahim.

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Alhamdulillah Allah wa Shukla Allahu Allah Sophia he wants in anyway Chateau la whatta hula should eCola to have evenly shot and he should have and and Abby and I will say Eden and Mohammed Abdullah sudo who adapt either Dhwani so the LA hottie while early who else however he was when he was selling was asleep and cathedral.

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When it comes to receiving advice,

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all of us have to be open to advice. That is a sign of humility. But as usual, there are two extremes. There are two extremes. If we go to one extreme, and we follow nobody's advice that is a symbol of pride. That's a sign of arrogance. But at the same time, we cannot follow everyone's advice. Simultaneously. At once there's a famous story of a famous story and within the Muslim community, those of you from the Turkish lands will no one has nothing. Hoja and those of you from the Arab lands will know him as Johanna. One day Joe has a fictional character, some funny stories, but important morals that come about from the stories. He had a donkey he wanted to sell at market.

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Here's another market story. He brings his son with him and the donkey and off they go or go into the marketplace. They're walking alongside the donkey, and somebody passes by. And he says, Hey, what's wrong with you? You got this perfectly good donkey. Why don't you ride on the donkey?

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You'll have less stress, you'll rest your feet, you'll be relaxed and said, Okay, that sounds like a good idea. So, Joe, he gets on top of the donkey and His sons walking alongside. No problem here. They go to the marketplace. Another person comes by and the person sees us and he says What an arrogant man. Here he is riding high up on his donkey and His force on his walking alongside is that you should have some suit humility puts your son up on top and you walk.

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Joe has said Well okay, sure. So he gets down, he puts his son up on the donkey and off they go to the market. Here comes another person and sees him. He says La hawla wala Quwata

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look at this youth look at the youth today. He's making his poor father walk next to the donkey and he's riding the donkey himself. What's wrong with this world? And so Nasr Dean Hoja, Joe, he hears this and he says Fine, let's both get on the donkey.

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Here comes another man. And he just seeks his head and says, look at these two oppressors. They're treating this donkey like a beast. They're riding on it and it's clearly overworked.

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Where's the taqwa? How can he claim to be somebody who's religious? And so what is their hadoo? What does Nasreddin Hodja do? He says, You know what, son, I've got a solution to all of this, get off. And he takes the donkey, he puts the donkey on his back.

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And he walks the array the rest of the way to the market. And everyone's looking at him laughing and laughing and laughing. And his son is next to him. And he says, Son, pay attention to this lesson. You can never make everybody happy. So we have two extremes. You can't listen to nobody. That's arrogance. And you can't listen to everybody. It's not possible. So we have to be careful to find a balance the balance between affirmation and growth. Faith is not just about affirmation. It's not possible. We can't just be told that everything we're doing is great. Everything's all right, we're fine the way we are you don't need to make any changes whatsoever. If that's what you're looking

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for, you should go to social media.

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Because we'll never improve with that mentality. We're simply feeding our egos by surrounding us with people that are telling us what we want to hear. But on the other hand, faith cannot be just about challenge and growth. We're not machines, we have feelings. We need to be encouraged. We need to be recognized for what we're already doing and be recognized when we're trying our best as usual. The balance is found in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa Anas are the Allahu Anhu he said, Ma'am asked us to be Eddie devachan while our Harrier On our last day che and Kana Eliane min Caffee Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. I never touched blockade or silk or

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anything else softer the

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In the hand or the palm of the prophets of Allah Who are they who was sending what ash mm to raw data and thought out the other I mean right here Sula, he said Allahu Allah, he was suffering. And I never smelled a cent better than a sense of the prophets of Allah who Allah He was salam. Wala pada have had them to rasool Allah He sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Ashra see Nene. So Allah He Mafalda Lee often got what are called a nice shade. The other two who Lieberthal together while early che in LEM a pile who an earth out together and I served the province of Allahu Allah, he was selling for 10 years. And I swear by Allah, He never once scoffed at me in frustration.

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And he never once said to me, why did you do that? For anything that I did? And he never once said to me, why didn't you do this? For anything that I failed to do? So Allah who it was

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and this just isn't just about chores and errands. This is also about dean. And so the Allahu Anhu. He also said, whom to end the NABI sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for Jah who Raja Calleja Rasul Allah in ni. L sub two had done the uptempo Ali I was with the prophets of Allah who Allah He was selling when a man came and said, O Messenger of Allah. Listen, I did something that deserves the head that deserves the criminal capital punishment. So establish it upon me. Paula wallenius, Allahu ang, Kahala harati Salah for Salah mountain Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the Prophet alayhi salam didn't even ask him what he did. He said, Listen, it's time to pray, come pray with us. And so they

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prayed for Allah makalah the use of Allahu alayhi wa sallam a salata comma la Harajuku for call Yeah, Rasul Allah in ni a sub 213 fi Kitabi keytab Allah. When the prayer was done, the man stood up again and said, O Messenger of Allah, I did something so bad it deserves the punishment. It deserves the head. So establish a laws book upon me.

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The call the Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Elisa constellate, Amana gardener all of her in the LA Hakoda la hora, Lachlan Oh, Carla haddock Rolla al Bukhari, the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he said, Didn't you just pray with us?

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The man said, yes, the prophets of Allah who Allah He was Saddam then responded, then Allah has forgiven you. When I look back on my experiences, I think about how stupid I was, that morning at the mesti trying to just advise someone out of my pocket. Not only was the information that I was giving wrong, or rather the interpretation of what I was giving wrong, I failed to demonstrate enough care. I failed to demonstrate enough loyalty. I failed to demonstrate enough sincerity and how I approached my brother, not the sincerity or the loyalty or the care of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for this OMA and I'll end with a story from my Sheikh Abdullah Shan, PT

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and Medina. One time someone came up to him and asked him he said, My neighbor doesn't pray, what should I do? He said to the man, don't tell him to pray. And everyone started laughing. How could you say that? Don't tell them enterprise stop for Allah. He said first become his friend. Invite him to your house, have tea with him, get him used to him know his kids. He knows your kids. And then one day invite him for tea just before the prayer a little bit. You hear the other man? And you said hey, I'm hungry last time to pray. Let's go pray together. That is sent to your brother. That is loyalty to your brother. And that is sincerity to your brother and faith. Allah huzzah Allah