Channel: The Deen Show
is His Messenger.
Only one. Jesus was his messenger.
Why did that maybe it's just maybe it's just to break the ice Bismillah Alhamdulillah, Salaam Alaikum. Welcome to the deen show. We are here helping you develop a better understanding on Islam and Muslims. Usually when you don't understand something, you end up fearing it. Now that you can understand why Muslims are, what Islam is, you might even come to embracing it, accepting that there's only one God. And you are within your very nature wanting to submit to the one God, you can accept Islam at any time. So you have a number right here on the screen one 800 662. Anytime, during the show after the show, call this number to get more information. We're going to be talking about
continuing with our special guest. Imagine spin Diem grew up in New Jersey. He's in New Jersey in Chicago, and we're hooking up here on the D show talking about marriage. And our last show. This is part two, we talked about the benefits of marriage. Everyone wants to know what's the benefits. Now for the one who is implemented Islam. This is finding your mate hooking up and doing it the right way. We talked about some other points, you can go back see part one. Now we're going to be bringing on our guests, Mr. Ashman Dean, how are you? Thank you for being with us again to cover part two of the marriage You have helped us a lot. I mean, yakko, thank you very much. We left off last time,
we're gonna get straight to it because the time just flies and we're gonna have to have you back again, we're gonna keep this go. We're gonna dedicate a section on the deen show for the people to come on. And they'll just be for marriage because people want to talk about naturally is in them. They want to express themselves. But in part one, we talked about how to do it through marriage doing it how the Creator God Almighty, the creator of this universe, how he wants you to do it. Talk about just quickly, real quickly. Now, the harms we talked about benefits but but going into marriage,
many benefits, the rewards you can even get rewarded for having intimate relations with your wife, is that correct? you comment on this? record these points you're gonna cover before we go. I'm very excited to talk about it. Now, there's so many harms legitimate children, diseases, heartache, heartbreak, talk about this for a moment, those side effects of doing it, test drive style, talk to me. I think that it's evident in society as a whole. When you look at the many different negative repercussions that people who do live that test drive lifestyle, of switching from person to person, heartbreak after heartbreak, wound after wound score after score, that you find that it's very
common now for women to be suffering from depression. Could you imagine when these relationships that are not established for the right purpose, and you have people that are going to become verbally abusive, where they're going to mentally look to destroy you, because it's about manipulation. It's about how I can get the most out of you, and in no way what I can give you. And so you have your self esteem being destroyed, your self worth and value being destroyed.
At the end of the day, you have major major mental illness. Not to mention, as you mentioned, the diseases that take place. And it's not just about AIDS, AIDS is definitely very serious, where you basically have a death tag on you that you're going to die if no cure comes up for it or things of that sort. But there's other diseases, diseases that perhaps people don't think about today. When it comes to also the children. Imagine how many mothers single mothers are out there with the stress of trying to raise provide for these kids.
And then the kids themselves being raised in these homes without having a father being raised under the stress and anxiety of a mom who's living in a in a dog eat dog world. So you'll find that a lot of the social ills that we have today. They're really the fruits of these bad decisions that people are making in their lives. And this all comes from just living that free style. I call it lifestyle. Just do as you want. Go to the little nightclub go to the party men and women just mixing commingling and we have a lot of Muslims that are falling into this trap. This trap of just going and following your lesson desires. Is there any good that can come out of this? Yes. Only if they're
looking to abuse themselves and for a cheap thrill. Cheap thrill
But for someone that you're going to want to make your partner in life that you're going to want to raise a family.
People don't go to the barn
to try to find themselves, you know, a meal, nor to find themselves a partner. If you're hungry, you're going to go to the right place, you're gonna go to a restaurant, you're going to go to a place that specializes in making food. And not only that, but because we're conscious of what we eat, we're not going to go to just any hole in the wall where we're going to catch, you know, salmonella, or who knows if they're serving your rats chopped up as chicken or whatever the case is. Why is it then when it comes to one of the most important decisions in life? Why is it that we take this easy approach or that we literally abuse ourselves and others? Honestly, I think that one of
the biggest problems that Muslims have had is that their parents have been an awful, an awful example for what a successful marriage should be. Yeah, I'm not saying everybody. But I think that in general, that would be the case, you'll find that when it comes to the relationship being one of partnership,
that doesn't seem to be the case, most of the times, it's one of roles and rights, that the man is supposed to go out and work and bring home, the bread and come home, and the wife is supposed to be serving all day, and she's frustrated and this and that, perhaps these things work prior to TV and all of these other fantasies of what relationship should be. I think that people today, Muslims included, they want more, and they have every right to but understand though, that in Islam, you can have all of that. But it needs to be done right. in Assam when we look at the life of the Prophet solo loyalists, and he taught us, he said in the Medina metab, or hieromartyr, ruha, Alma to saleha.
And this Hadith, which is authentic, he taught us that everything in this world has been a possession.
It's a possession of one shape, form or another. And the best thing you could possess and have in this world is a righteous woman, a righteous wife. And the same thing holds true for the wife to have a righteous husband. And so when you have that relationship, and everybody understands not the rules and the roles and all these conditions that take away from the naturalness, and from the awesomeness of the relationship, then you can have the intimacy, you can have the excitement and the thrill, you could have the passion and the romance, you could have the fun, you could have all of those things and more. But with an extra added value and quality that you're not going to have in
these other relationships, with commitment with stability, you're not going to have somebody that is going to be here today, and perhaps not be there tomorrow.
And as long as we understand that support Allah, Allah is always in forever to be glorified. You can have your cake and eat it too with Islam.
Before we go on to some of these points, I told and I promised the people we're going to cover in the last show part one. I want to make this clear because we love our sisters in the deen. We love our brothers in the deen. And now the sisters that might have been away, we want them to come back to the one who cares about them the most their Creator, he knows what's best for him. He cares so much about you that he does not want you to harm yourself. So that's why he will prohibit certain things. You will comment on this inshallah, tell us that a man at a nightclub or a bar? Is this a man that you can take? Seriously? Is he there? With you think marriage on his mind? Same thing for
the woman? No, absolutely not. There shouldn't be any reason for Muslim to go to this place or these types of Hangouts and yeah, bars and clubs, looking for a husband looking for a wife. Yeah, looking for the person that's going to be their long, lifelong companion, the Father, the mother of their children, the building block of that family. That's not the place for doesn't mean that it's impossible. It's not impossible, but we want to try to use our mind and our intelligence. It's not practical. We want to we want to benefit from what Allah has given us. Yeah, we want to be in the right locations looking for the right thing. And this is one of the things we have to understand
when you go to these types of places, especially the men. Yeah, the men are going there because they want to have fun. They're looking for some cheap thrills. They just want to hook excitement. They want to hook up they want to party they want a wham bam Thank you, ma'am. And then if they can keep you there as need to know this though, this day, they need to know this, that this is how the cycle This is what the man is how he's on the hunt. He's on the hunt. And even worse than that, he'll lie to you. He'll lie to you. He'll lie to you with a straight face. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, he's Machiavellian that the ends justify the means. We don't want you to get lied to we don't
want you to get set up like this. That's why we love you and we're trying to give you the best advice. Same thing with now the brothers are out there on the hunt. And seems like the the sisters in these places are out there on display. We don't want our sisters to be on display. We don't and I'll tell you something. If our sisters have made mistakes in life, that does not justify for them thinking that the only way they'll be able to find somebody is to go to these places. No, as long as a person
A believing Muslim repents to Allah, they are no longer considered unchaste evil or anything of that sort. So if they have wronged themselves, the woman or the men, they need to return to Allah and look to find the halal, the appropriate way, the appropriate locations, the appropriate methods for finding that person. Not, it's never too late. So you've been in at least did that he's been he's had the VIP card for all the nightclubs. She's had, you know, the guy who's taken her out of nightclubs and another guy taking her there and all these other things, we're not going to get into the details allows the most forgiving she stops right now. He forgives. Is this correct? Absolutely.
Okay, we talked about this, and I hope you get to benefit. And we're doing this out of the love here with Mr. Ashman Dean, tell us now for the brother these who've gotten a look past that he's fast. And now the brother is not married, but he's not killing it at a nightclub Shakedown and got him there. He's fast in martial law, you know, but he's still not married.
Something is holding people we talked about on the last show. I this is this is the real deal. I come up with brothers and look what time it is is like two years, three years pass if you get married, I asked them this question three years ago, and that was I make dua for me. I mean, I'm making dua for him. But can he be doing something a little bit more? Can you be a little more enthusiastic about it? What are the harms of keeping your because I honestly think look, Shakedown keep you away from praying Hmm. And definitely, you started praying. He doesn't want you to get married, does he? Because there's so much good there's Come on, can they be tricked a little bit by
the Shakedown procrastinating for so long? And I don't want you brothers to live another 10 years. And when I see you say, but look, brother still make dua for me. I want you to be Tuesday as think about this after the show. Give us some advice, man? That's absolutely correct. Actually, we boil down different issues of being hurt, of stress of sadness, trying to cover it all. All of that at its core is really fear. There's fear within these individuals that's preventing them from taking that step. Can they get a shot or something to get them or will definitely give them a shot of Eman? Yes, you know what I mean? Let them accept it. And that's the thing, they have to make that active
decision, they need to if they're making dua to Allah, they need to then allow a lot to guide them in the right direction. And part of that right direction is looking to have clearly what you're looking for. And then looking to get the proper methodology of finding that person. Get your family, your friends, perhaps even the Imam or the masjid. That's what we need to hear. Yes. So you talked about get your family involved, the mom at the masjid talk to us. And these things are understood when it comes to the cultures of different Muslims. These are some of the conflicts that take place. Because normally in the, you know, the countries back home, it's something that a lot of times,
there's still people that their parents are deciding for them who they're going to marry. Okay, when you come to America, or you go to some other countries, you understand that this is a melting pot. Yeah. And so we need to really open up our minds and our hearts to what is islamically permissible of avenues for us to follow. And it comes to using the Imams and benefiting, for example, from the Islamic centers, from the Islamic schools, when it comes to for example, different Islamic classes that may be given when it comes to even the internet. And one of the awesome things that just recently started up which I really recommend that our brothers and sisters look to take advantage of
is an awesome project that she has had with Jess has come with Yeah, and and from what I know of her, Mashallah I expect this to be something that's going to be awesome. And it's going to be very beneficial. A website, the website is www dot prac, timet, pr, AC, ti ma t.com. And then this has got a service, which takes you literally like life coaching from beginning to end, for the stages of helping you especially if you're a practicing Muslim, somebody wants a practicing Muslim, to be able to achieve that to get the Gold Bond. So we need, we need to put forth the effort, we need to be encouraged, we need to be excited, and we got to be out there doing the work like anything, she's
not just gonna come knock on your door and say, Hey, I'm here, marry me, it's not gonna work like that. Unfortunately, this mentality back isn't especially on the woman's part that she's got to sit home, and that somebody is going to come knocking on your door. We're lucky the time by Allah, the time has come that we need to really be proactive. If you are not going to be proactive in your life in that which is most important to you. If you're going to just leave it to others, then how in the world are you going to be able to expect really a meaningful, deep fulfilling relationship? So it's not shameful in Islam that for example, the father would he knows his kids and he knows his
daughter, and he's in the community. He spots and recognizes a great candidate for his daughter from what he knows of the person of having seen him in a mission and attended different functions and have an opportunity to really get to see the core of what this person is their quality, their personality, to approach the guy and say that Look, my man
Got my daughter who is of age to get married. And I don't know what your situation is and all but if you're looking to get married, let's talk or a brother, for example, if it's that he's the bully, if he is the Guardian instead of the Father, for example, if he's not present, he's passed away whatever the cases are for the brother himself, for the brother himself, to be active, to look to go to the masjid attend some of these Islamic classes to, you know, find out for maybe his sister, or his sisters or his answer his nieces, or whatever the case is, to be able to really be just as eager and as ambitious and trying to find that person as they would be for anything else. Get on the ball,
get on the bull run with it, man. And this is something very serious because Xena, that's a major sin, Xena, meaning how would you translate it fornication and adultery? This is something that's major, we don't want to get close to that wouldn't be far away from that and safeguarding your deen your way of life, the way of life from the Creator of the heavens and earth. That's the marriage isn't it? It's protect yourself from getting in this trouble. That's definitely one of the aspects and purposes behind marriage, one of the benefits,
that it protects you from having to do anything of what you would normally have fulfill you and satisfy you within the marriage to find it outside of the marriage. And again, this is one of those aspects of when you are going to get married, that you want to make sure that when you marry the person, they have a proper understanding of intimacy and sexual ness. Yeah. It's unfortunate that culturally so the way that
excuse me, our sisters have been raised to understand this issue of intimacy as if it's a taboo. Yeah, as if it's a wrong, it's as if it's this, you know, unfortunate act that just has to happen, hurry up and get it over and done with. And therefore it leaves a lot of unfulfillment within the man, which causes them a lot of the times to one to find that and other avenues. So yes, islamically marriage is supposed to protect us and safeguard us from it. But at the same time, if you when you're looking to get married, don't check to understand to see that the other person understands things correctly, and that they're really looking to submit themselves to what is within Islam, even
though culturally, in in their upbringing, they may have had a different view, than it may be that this is going to be one of the major poises points of stress within the relationship, which can cause problems. We talked about benefits, we talked about points of marriage. Man, this is such a vast topic we're going to be dedicating and we're going to have to have you back again. We're almost out of time I'm tell us now that did the Companion of the last and final messenger Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, Omar, Omar mykyta, did he when he would find a single man, what would you say to him? Did you come across did well he would ask him he wouldn't be pleased. He would say something in
the sense Are you married? And if you weren't, he would
give him a little hard time. Can you comment on this? Well, that's true. Why? Because the Sahaba the companions and the disciples of the Prophet Mohammed melas peace and blessings be upon him and May Allah's mercy be upon his companions and disciples. They took the Sunnah the teachings, the life application of the Prophet Mohammed seriously. So for them, they didn't pick and choose and say, well, we're gonna give this a number 10 priority and make this a number one, they took it all seriously, especially when the Prophet alayhi salatu salam would use the term for Marathi beyond suniti, Felisa Mini, that whoever desires other than my way that he's not from me, for them that was
a major Red Alert, like or something is definitely serious here. So when they saw somebody looking or not actively partaking in that, which is a clear teaching a command within Islam, then for them that raised red flags, it raised red flags, it was something to be cautious, questioned about something to question and see why what's happening. So with that, why aren't you doing what the Prophet told you to do? He's still three years, especially because in Islam marriage is supposed to be a simple project process. We make it a difficult nowadays, we make it too difficult. Yeah, we're torturing ourselves. Yeah. We are giving ourselves migraines. We're putting conditions upon
ourselves and upon each other to a point where in certain countries, yeah, people cannot get married because of the monetary cost of them having to set up all these different things of the dowry of the Maharajah gift and have a fully furnished apartment that have this much money and gold and jewelry and so on and so forth. where people have to literally try to get in debt literally have to get in debt to be able to meet those circumstances. And imagine what happens though after a person has literally gone off on a limb to do that and when they get married
and they don't find within that person because they didn't do their job. What they were looking for they don't feel satisfied. They don't feel fulfilled.
The letdown encouragement to run to after you view this show call your friend call the EMA tell them look, I just watched Mr. Spin demon Eddie on the D Show. I'm excited I need to get married. I want to do it the right way according to how the credit
The heavens and earth, and his last and final messenger, they have given us the guidelines, and nothing less, this is what we're talking about. We want you to get encouraged to do it the right way, we're almost out of time, the high salaries, you got to be adopted and marry my, my, my little girl, there's some legitimacy here. But how much of it is practical? How much of is this ended up being a deterrent to make the brothers who are encouraged, maybe they got dis encouraged now because you know what they saw the honey of his eye, the light of his eye, and you know what? He prays five times a day, he worships his creator alone. He's paying the charities fast. And during the month of
Ramadan, he's doing everything that his creator wants him to do. And he's staying away from the evil, the bad things, and now he's trying to marry this young lady. But you know what? You're going to have to have 100,000 you're going to have to have this doctor's degree. I mean, is this something that's legitimate? Talk to us real briefly about this. And we're gonna have to do a part three, because we got so much to cover. And we got so little time delay was an important topic like this, which is really, especially among college students. The number one subject for years,
it makes sense that you give it the proper attention time the Prophet alayhi salatu salam simplified it where he said in an authentic hadith, either Jakku, mentor, Luna, Dina, who will who call for the widow, in letter Carlota confit need to fill out the facade. He says, when there comes to you that person, that suitor the male, yeah, you find that him in his religion and his understanding in this practicing of his religion of Islam, in his manners and character, that which pleases you that marry them to your daughters, marry them to your sisters, marry them to those that are under your guardianship, whom they've come to ask for, if we don't do it, there's going to be some serious
problems and corruption.
That's how simple he didn't say if there comes to the doctor, the engineer, the businessman, that if he has this much money, or that his age has to be like this or like that. And understanding the issue of Dean, naturally, the person is going to have to be mature, skin has to have a sense of responsibility and accountability and discipline, he's going to have to be physically also mature. And there's going to also need to be that sense of having, you know, the finances to take care of a family. But the main thing to understand is that all of that complements itself, it's not that the main thing we're looking forward to see what type of money he has, so that he can treat my daughter
like a princess, or that I'm going to look to benefit from him because I don't maybe have the money. But I know that my daughter, for example, has had many requests. And so now I'm going to look to fish the biggest, you know, Kahuna that I can get, it's not about that. Islam kept simple, the person's belief, their practice their righteousness, and it's backed up in their manners. And that second part is very important. Because it's not about a person saying that they're practicing and they look like they're practicing, whether it's the male or the female, but in their speech, they're sour in their personality. They're ugly. It's got to be that the two are together, really fortifying
that you really are a believer in shows in the way you live your life mosman Diem, this is something that we need to keep continue inshallah God willing to talk about. We're gonna cut out here. And I'd like to thank you for being with us on the deen show. My pleasure, may Allah the Creator of the heavens and earth reward you and this life in the hereafter.
And our brothers and sisters who were listening and learning and shoma Yes. Now we are here to learn. And that's why we bring on people who are qualified to talk about these important subjects. You heard the word Islam, it is something a way of life that was brought by all the messengers of the Creator of the heavens and the earth is submission to one God, it's something natural, it's something that goes with your very nature. And a Muslim is one who does the action of Islam. Now, marriage is a very important part of Islam. You need to go get married, do it the right way. Do it the way the Creator of the heavens and earth wants you to do it. Get out of the nightclubs. Get out
of the places where you shouldn't be. And come back here every week on the dean show. If you want to hear more about this topic, let us hear your comments and suggestions. And we'll do it again. Tell us if you've enjoyed this. And if you want us to do it. As I said, we'll do it again. We'll bring the mind back out. And we'll talk and continue to talk about the high diaries we'll continue to talk about some of the obstacles, how to approach how to not approach and everything within the perimeters of his arm. We'll see you next time on the deen show. Until then, Salaam Alaikum. Peace be unto you again.
and it all felt like a tree
and I feel like he's my friend.
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I wish they will never
we should be like the mountain
never come play
we should be like the mountain
in praises God and never complain
we should be like the mountain