Channel: The Deen Show
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salaam Alaikum peace be unto you. Thank you for coming back to another episode of the deen show every week we're here. Wednesdays, midnight. If you're up, tuned into the deen show can TV 36 if you can't make it midnight, Wednesday's the next day two to three Thursdays so that's if you're in Chicago, otherwise all over the globe. People are tuning in at the deen show calm. That's where you can see our shows. Today we're going to be talking about boys girls, men, women. Marriage hot topic with my next guest, Baba Ali here on The Daily Show. Don't go nowhere.
There's only one. Jesus was his messenger.
Why did that maybe? Maybe it's just a break the ice Assalamualaikum welcome, Sam to the peace pmtu. Brother.
How are you? Good. How are you? You're back again? Yes, I'm back again. Just like I just saw you. It just feels like a few minutes ago. All right. Man, we're here. I'm excited that you're here. We're going to be talking about people can go to the deen show.com. And we got to talk about how you actually came to this beautiful way of life, the way of life of all the messengers that submission to certain to God alone and not his creation. But in this show, we're going to be talking about something that is on the minds of the people, you got this yearning, you got this feeling you want to be with the opposite gender. man wants to be with woman woman wants to be with men, I mean, now,
and they end up doing things that aren't according to how the creator wants him to do it. Now you have some experience. I mean, we live in America, and some things just become normal. You know, I'm going to see Sally and Betty and we're just dating and then, you know, we test drive, and we have a good time. And then people get heartbroken. You know? So let's, let's, let's just flow with this. Tell us you know, what is your experience and with this whole, you know, and it's become something that's prevalent now amongst the Muslims? Yeah, unfortunately, these days, you see a lot of Muslims there.
The parents have made marriage very difficult for them, actually, isn't it parents, I would say the culture that the parents have implemented on them.
Actually, if you look at Islam, Islamic marriage, very easy. It's a very easy process and very easy to go through it.
Unfortunately, ourselves culture, many of the people from the Middle East have this culture that they implemented, and forced upon their children that have nothing to do with this song. Actually, most of them have conflicts with Islam that made
marriage very difficult for the young people. So now they're resorting to dating and resorting to doing all these type of prohibited acts under right under the noses of parents. And every parent is like know what my son my daughter, they're not doing it. Yeah. But they're usually the last people to find out it's someone's son and daughter and most likely it may be yours.
So this thing is I mean with with when you live in Islam is very simple. You need the Guardian, your father or someone there to say okay, because they want to see who this guy is. Yeah, obviously. Some bum coming in the house and he's maybe a crook. Maybe this that the man kind of sniff it out, right? Yeah.
guys can tell what the other guys are trying to con my sister. Trick my sister. You know, this is natural. No matter what religion you are, you know, the father. He's very protective of his daughter. You know, I don't want some guy in this. I'm holding this diamond in my hand for the last 18 to 20 years of her life. And now you're not gonna door just want you to diamond on my hat. I've been protecting this thing. I'm actually gonna hand it over to you, buddy. Yeah. What's up? Who are you? What's your story? Are you trying trigger? You can try
to get emotional, cray cray and say, Oh, you know, I must see who you are as a person. And sometimes guys can see stuff that other guys.
The other girls can mean I see. Yeah. And then two witnesses, two witnesses. So they can say there's evidence of saying Okay, these two people. They did say it that this person wants this person. This person wants this person. And then let's have a party. This is our party. Yeah. Hello, party. That's it. It's done. That's the only 50,000
it's just an easy marriage. But these days, parents make these difficult conditions, these obstacles these these loops, you have to jump through just to get married. You have parents say okay, I want a $50,000 wedding $50,000 a house instead of areas. Yeah. I mean, with the rate that people are getting divorce. You can
Get married now and you're still paying for a divorce and you still paying for your marriage. You know, it's unfortunate it is a lot of this has to do with show like to show to just to be the to keep up with the Joneses to be better than the next person and say, Okay, look, our wedding was 50,000 or whether it was 100,000. Our wedding was, it's amazing. And these kids, a Muslim, you ask the kids, they don't they don't even want it. They want something easy and simple. They just want to be with the person that they found for the rest of their life. Not to come back with the little debt letter. It says, oh, you're in debt for next 10 years of your life paying us $20,000 for that one.
Just that one night for hours. Yeah. Doesn't make sense. But Islam makes it easy, but the people make it hard. make it difficult. Tell us now what I mean, what advice can we give to the youth out there? Also, I mean, some parents are making it difficult, but you know, to be real, some parents aren't. Some parents really are doing things right. But the youth some of them are just caught up in society and you know, going to the nightclubs you know, the guy's got a woman and he's like, come into Islam but still he can't let go this girl from the past you came in and your story that you talk and you came full force you left Yes, this girlfriend you had before because you love the
creator and you wanted to do what he wanted you to do. You didn't want to I want to Sir, I want you to do things the right way. Yeah, there's different ways of doing things is there's a wrong way in the right way you want to make business do it but doing away without cheating people. You want to be with the girl do it. But accept that responsibility says Look, I will take care of you for now on I will feed you provide for your clothes you take care take care of your emotional news. Your your physical needs every needs of Gee, I'm here to I'm here for you. Not here. I'm here to spend one night with you. And the next day with next person the next day with one person, this girl is
pregnant. And next thing you know your baby mama has left and right. Yeah, that's not that's not that's a broken society. And this society has many, many broken pieces to it. And a lot of it has to do with marriage before sex, marriage before sex before marriage. So getting myself all confused. But yeah, it's it's it's sad. And this la Muslim thing, okay, my daughter, she went to Islamic school, she wears a job and stuff is happening. She doesn't desire boys. She desires boys after her PhD. No, that's not reality. Reality is at a certain age, men desire women and women desire men. And our Creator made us and put our instincts inside of us. And knows and gives a prescription just like
the doctor gives a prescription and says this is the way to do it. And this is what will give you success. And you go the other way, it will give you failure. We're here just giving some real advice. I mean, we're not two shakes, we don't have, you know, just normal people, we, you know, experienced a lot of things live in the society. So we can keep it real. We can give some real advice brother came up to me, and I want to see what advice would you give this brother? He's committed to trying to change himself? Yeah, he's going after the knowledge that's going to help to change him. But he says, You know what, I just can't give this up. I can't give up dating these
women. It's hard. What advice would you give a young man strong. And this is a hard time he's having what are some of the steps now that you think that you know, from your personal experiences, the advice that you can give this brother, you know, the whole desire thing is, it's very difficult. Anyone who's gonna sit here say, you know what, just give this up and give this up. That is easier said than done. They're either not being real, or they haven't been through it. I as a person can tell you straight up is very difficult. your desires, your heart, it's pulling you to go after something. But if you're connected to the Hereafter, and you, you want that paradise more than you
want that girl, you reminded this, life will come and this is just life is like a dream. And all these things are like trials and tests for you. And if you have that in the back of your head, that helps you become stronger. Number two is put your who your Who are your companions. If you're hanging out with a bunch of guys who have a bunch of girlfriends and you're sitting there as the third wheel, of course, you'd be pushed into this. Yeah, but hang out with people who follow the same type of thing and you're gonna keep you strong. You other activities until you have enough money and resources until you can get married. I play basketball with my friends, I go do all kinds
of stuff. We keep ourselves busy, until we're all prepared enough to have enough finances to get married. You know, all all these things make up our factors. All these things are variables. You put yourself in a situation know what, I'm not gonna be a good person. I wasn't going to club I'm just gonna watch.
watching these baby steps, you know, shaytaan will pull you step by step. He doesn't scream. he whispers You know what, just go spend time with her. You just talked to her about Islam.
Now that you're talking to about this love, spend a little more time with her. You know, she's lonely.
Just go spend some time with her. Oh, you know what? She's so much closer. Maybe she's hot. Hopefully take off her clothes.
What's going on here? And then yeah, it's crazy man is he? He's very smart. He's got he's been there since day one. Yeah. So he's got a lot of practice a lot of practice. So you're tricking yourself, you're thinking, Okay, maybe she's there. Maybe she's in that club, maybe I can change her. Yes, I'm going to the club nuts. So I can dance, and Boogie. I am there. So I can teach people a song.
I don't want to preach, I will just wait there until someone asked me what
is it this confusion, and it really, really think to yourself who you fooling, you're only fooling yourself, really only fooling yourself. And unfortunately, we all fall into this, this just struggle. And you really, it's tough. It's really tough, especially in this society, where you have temptation everywhere, from billboards, to television, to everything is everywhere around us. And it's tough. But then again, paradise isn't cheap. You can't buy yourself in, you can't you can't walk with a PhD or say, Oh, I'm from this family of that family, you have to earn it. And you earn that by going through the struggles. And by passing those struggles, and this itself, this, this
marriage, and this desire thing is a struggle that we go in as our youth is tough, all of us have to go through it. So you're not alone. We love our brothers, we love our sisters, we just want to give them sincere advice. We talked about the brothers now you got our sisters out there, some of them are falling in the trap, you know, falling, finding themselves, you know, being alone with a guy and trying to, you know, because men they admire, they lost and they look and woman, you know, showed up to here, then up to here, and then following the latest fashions and getting caught into just being more of a object, and then getting used and abused and maybe falling for some of the naive tricks
that that guy who's after her, you know, yeah, have you come across this also, men are very smart. So for the women that are watching, no matter what religion are back on your phone, women, you are the ones who have figured this out by now. But the men will tell you exactly what you want to hear. They have this lust, they have this desire, that there's hunger for, it's a hunger. And when you're hungry, and you're, and you need to be fed, you're going to say what you do say what you need to say. So you can get what you need to get. And you don't care whose heartbreak. You don't say, oh, how are minister mean? They're they're hungry. They're going for this desire. And when you have no
guidance, and you have no fear of your Creator, you can say whatever you want to say. But he loves me. But he loves me. Yeah, right. He doesn't love you love something else. So this is a train. I'm a guy, I'm gonna tell you straight up. But oh, no, he's different. How many girls have said that? Ask yourself, no, I love this, like no love ever in the world. And we're gonna love each other forever and ever and ever, until we end up in divorce court two years from now. So it's funny, all these people say, Oh, lovely www how much look at the divorce rate around the world. It's over 50%. And that's the people who decide to stay to get divorce, there's some people that are connected, and
they can't get divorced, and they're married and miserable, they're stuck because the kids just stuck because of family issues just stuck because of whatever those were, those those stats are gonna come there. And as people who don't even live with each other, you know, they just decide okay, we'll just be separated. I'm gonna stay together because of tax reasons.
And it's unfortunate relationship. It does not have the the universal bond and that's connected with our values with the right thing and you know how to treat her and she knows how to treat you. And this is what Islam teaches us by the way, how to treat a woman. Now what you see on TV now does mumbo jumbo, they try to teach on television, but really, the way a Muslim should treat his wife and his wife should treat her husband is it's it's amazing. If you really look into it, it's it's beautiful. Like your woman, all her desires must be taken care of, for Islamic in a relationship man, for her physical needs, her emotional needs, or even her sexual needs has to be all taken care
of by the husband. On top of that, if she's helping around the house, you try to help her. You get rewarded for that. You know, these are encouragement. you're encouraged to do and and Islam teaches us the best of you is whose best to his wife. This tale teaches a man to like go even beyond that compete with other men to be better for your wife. So she look if we are if we are a society built on this, how much of an impact to make and to treat her with honor islamically if you die defending her honor, is Titus Shaheed that needs to get paradise for honor so much protected. Now we have all this crazy stuff man just go around beating their wives and all those domestic monsters crazy stuff
over what over is this is crazy, is crazy how when you go towards culture, what it gives you when you go towards a song what it gives you and unfortunately we have too many people towards culture and not enough people towards Islam. That's what we need. We need to learn this way of life and we need to live it, live it period.
And the way it has been prescribed not according to our desires or any customs or cultures. It's very simple now, what encouragement I mean, some of the benefits from leaving off following your lesson desires and going off and living a life of just, you know, from one guy girl to the next, where you come and do something that's sacred, and you come together, even at the end. I mean, if it comes to divorce, it's not the end of the world. But what encouragement Can we give them that you know what, this is a healthier way of life to live? You know, even a divorce issue just brought up right now. Islam allows it, yeah, but this is the worst
allowed thing that you can do, it makes according to Islamic stuff thrown about loss upon Allah shake.
It's the one that he the least the less, he knows that this is something that can possibly happen, but it's the last resort. Unfortunately, for many Muslims today is the first resort. You know, they jump straight to tala which means divorce, go straight to it. And as soon as you find the smallest thing wrong, and that is the guys go girls as well. I think this is because we just jump into the hole. Oh, Hollywood. Oh, you know, Prince Charming is gonna come and riding his little horse. And he's gonna say, Oh, you do this perfectly. My husband, he's gonna be just like Brad Pitt. And he's gonna say the right words at the right time. and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then you come home,
realize his socks are on the couch. I scratch myself. He was way second, besides a husband I was looking for in Hollywood. And then he says first The main thing. He said to me, boom, I want a divorce. And then next thing, okay, I want a divorce too. Now everyone is single and divorced. And like, what happened?
What makes it work? I mean, because I think that's what it is. You get caught up watching too many movies. You're not supposed to be watching, first of all, with all with all this junk out there. And you start living this fantasy. Yeah. And you think that this is what marriage is? is some fantasy fulfilled? Yeah. What do you think about this? It's it is unfortunately, this is movies, they do this. So you can buy their movies, you can watch their movies, they do this so they can fool you. To think this is real life when reality is not real life whatsoever. marriage life is completely different. No one prepares you what to expect from marriage. I wish they did. But they don't really
prepare you. Let me tell you from the very beginning, you know, it's just from doing the D show, I'll tell you straight up on the unit here. The D show first. Marriage is hard. I'm married. I've been married for eight years. It's not easy. It's a struggle. It's not is just easy, difficult for me, sometimes difficult for my wife, sometimes. Because men and women are very different. We think differently, we act differently. Our brains, our chemicals, our mind is all completely different. He put two completely different people together, and they're trying to communicate doesn't always necessarily work out. And you learned, you learned to be patient. That's one of the first things you
learn in marriage, patients, you learn to work with another, you learn to compromise, sometimes don't do stuff she likes, sometimes she's gonna do stuff I like, all these things, you you sacrifice, but you do it for the sake of your Creator and say, Look, I'm gonna do it, you know, I'm arguing with her. But I'm going and I know she did something that was very hurtful for me, but I will forgive her. Or he she may say, I may forgive him. And the reason you forgive with the hope that because in Islam, if you forgive someone, you do it with the hope that Allah will forgive you for something that you did, because we're all human beings, we all make mistakes, we all make
errors, we have all so much of our accountable for the day judgment. So you do that with the hope that Allah will forgive something of yours, on the day judgment, make your life easier in the hereafter. And when you have this type of mentality and this type of mindset, your marriage, and this tranquility, it can be in your marriage. So on one hand here, by coming together to do the right thing, man and woman getting married, living life, according to how your creative wants you live all about rewards. That's exactly. I mean, you're gonna have your tests and trials. Yes, it's not all sugar and roses and sweets. But you get through it, and you get rewarded. You even get
rewarded for having intimate relations. But yes, we do that, again, you do it correctly. Yeah, if you do the everything correctly, you get rewarded for it, you get reward for kissing your life or sleeping with your wife and she gets a reward for it as well. You know, you're staying away from the bad things. He's trying to stay towards the good things, you're doing things islamically the way the creator wanted you to do things. And by doing things correctly, you get reward for it. Of course, you go towards the wrong direction, you get punished for it. Yeah. So again, by all it comes back down to accountability. Every action we do, we're gonna be accountable for everything that we say,
even if even this D show is being written for us to be accountable for and this is why it's so important for us to do things the right way. That's the other side. Now we talked about all the rewards here like you said, Now, you get punished for it. You don't want to I mean, Allah, the Creator of the heavens is the Most Merciful you stop you repent. He forgives all sins. Yes, except that you die associating partners with him as something doesn't forgive. So
Hopefully Allah guides us all to do the right thing now, over here, you're playing games is a game, isn't it a game? You're going around in circles? You know, chasing this person, that person? I mean, you never satisfied No, you're never satisfied. And you risk What if you die on that and you get resurrected? In that state? That's a horrible state to get caught. Even if you survive in this life. What if you end up with so many people so many diseases? diseases?
illegitimate children? Yeah. What about that child now? Huh? Yeah, you have a child that you're raising, and then she's gonna go around sleeping with more men. Who knows she may have kids different different different guys. Oh, what magic imagine what kind of lifestyle this poor child has to be raised in. It's tough. I mean, we live a society, the entire world or for our Muslim Ummah, we have oma, which is a whole, all the people and his alma is made of, of countries. And these countries are made up of cities and the season, we have communities, and these local communities are made out of just families, and the basic foundation of a family as a husband and
wife. When you break that basic foundation of a husband and wife, and you have all these divorced people with little kids, and they can't get married, and you make these young guys, they can't get married, because the parents are making too hard. What kind of society you're gonna have?
You have these people that just frustrated for one reason or the other. Okay, how can you focus on school, focus on work and focus on this, naturally, men and women are supposed to be together? Yeah. And you got to get out and do it, she's not going to come out, or he's not going to just come out, you got to get out there. If you wait for Prince Charming knock on the door, there's no Prince Charming knock on the door, it doesn't happen. You have to go out there and look for the right person. And the guy who's looking for the right girl, and look for someone based on their character, not based on their culture. Now based on their money, now based on stuff, not based on stuff, they
had no choice of which family, they're gonna look for something of their character, the way they look at their Creator, the way they look at their values. And, and hopefully inshallah she carries the same values you do. And that will keep that person will keep you in check when you go the wrong way. And you keep her in check when you go the wrong way. You know, I mean, these, these are the things that can make possibly a good recipe for a good marriage. Now, how can we get brothers like our brother, Ron and his brother Mohammed and his brother, so and so Chris, and all the other brothers, Greg, and I just, there's so many of siete, and they're all trying to get married?
Do we help them I mean, we got to give some kind of solution. Now, I mean, something where they can go somewhere where it was the number one best way to do it. If you can go through family, you go through family, but if you can't go through family, because family is the best way they can they know someone that knows someone, it's always better. It's easier. If you don't know that there might be social gatherings. If you're like myself, we're come to it from a family that doesn't actually practice any type of religion. And you need to find someone and you look around and like, nothing around me is working. I try going on the internet, and I try to make check out the matchmaking
websites out there. They weren't good. They list people like their use cars. Yeah, this is the height, this is the weight, this is the exposure, this is the blood type. And honestly, you don't go to be able to Hey, how much you weigh.
You can do a big job of it. But in real life, you ask people questions when you want to learn about them. And so I made up a website called half our Dean COMM And that's basically a website for trying to help people guys and girls to get married. And I asked questions about what you're looking for in a spouse? And, and what would and what is that? What are you like?
And I asked all these questions regarding family regarding Dean regarding all the different parts of your life. And, and then and then when you look at someone's profile and tell you your 75% match on religious religious beliefs 24% match on personality 10% match on character, you learn a lot more about your compatibility, because not every single girl is gonna match with what I'm looking for in a wife. And I'm not gonna match for a lot of girls, what they're looking for in a husband. Some people may look for a shy guy, some guys are looking for a guy who's very assertive, and some people are looking for a guy who's very ambitious, different people are looking for different things. So
and we're all different, your taste is very different. It's kind of like you go to a garden. There's all these different types of flowers and they'll have these different sense. You may like roses, I may like some other type of flower doesn't make one better than the other. We're just trying to find half our Deen the whole website's about trying to find you. And that one person that's gonna match with you. Now how to someone I say want to send my daughter there. I can't find her know what how do I know how do I feel secure that she's not gonna be taken advantage of because there's a lot of people out there who aren't serious. They might be just trying to sneak through the cracks. There's
a couple of things I try to do and nothing is guaranteed. No matter what website or even in person. You always want to try and do research and try find out more and more about the person. This websites here to try to filter out all these people. It's kind of taking the linear searching for gold
have also jerked around, you're shaking it until you have a couple of pieces of pebbles left. And I need to go into detail as to how good quality of gold This is. So that's the websites doing what we're doing to try and filter all these different people. So the questions we ask will tell you a percentage of how you guys match on different things. But on top of that, we let each person has 21 questions that's important to you. Like, right now we're in Chicago, one of the questions you may ask is, are you willing to move to Chicago? If the person says no, then why are you talking to the person? If you guys, if that's the only place you're going to live? Yeah. Or you say, what are your
What is your idea about this? Or what is your idea about that? You can ask these questions before they even meet the person. And they can answer these questions before you actually officially talk. And you can you can go ask her answer her questions, she can ask your questions, you learn a little more about each other. Yeah, after all of this, and you go through all these different profiles, and you say, you know what, this is a person I think, maybe a possible match, then you can contact them, maybe speak to the parents, ask for permission, you know, and maybe they can talk to your parents, maybe you guys can talk, talk to some of the friends that they know, find out which community
they're involved in, you know, it's resort, you don't just go find some off the internet, say, hey, guess what, let's get married. Gotta keep the family involved. Exactly. Try get involved, and you never know who's on the internet. And that's why it's important. But I found my wife halfway around the world, and I couldn't find one in my local community. And if it wasn't for the internet, there's no way I would have found her. Yeah, you just got to be careful. Always ask a law be connected to you. To make it easy and to protect you. Exactly. Yeah. So any closing comments and suggestions for those single people out there, that you know what they can relate to what we're saying? They just
need a little extra, extra push? Yeah, you hit it right there on the spot. I mean, it's not easy. The whole marriage thing is very difficult for all of us, all of us. You know, even before you're married, you go through a certain type of struggle. After you get married, you go through a different type of struggle, but the whole life itself is a struggle. It's all a struggle. And at the end, there is there will come an end and when it comes to the end, you just want your good deeds to be better than your bad deeds. And you want to create to have mercy on you and to give you success in the hereafter inshallah, and that's it. Just pray to Allah to make you strong to give you
patience, and inshallah hopefully inshallah it'll be successful for you. And shallow half our Deen frd calm inshallah does Oklahoma. Thank you very much where it
says Oklahoma for inviting me. Well, yeah, thank you for being with us. And like to thank you for tuning in to another episode of the show. You got to hear it here. We're trying to give you that sincere advice, to get motivated to find that special person to be with. Never exclude your family. Always have them involved in this process. Your mom somebody who's there with you, helping you but the most important thing is that you have that connection with your Creator and you're always be seeking his help, and inshallah Everything will be alright. With that said, we look forward to seeing you next week here on the deen show until then as salaam alaikum, peace be unto you the DVDs
for Dawa as Allah has said in the Quran in surah now 16 125 Voodoo Isla Sebelius applicable hypnotic invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom beautiful preaching and reason with them in ways that are best and this is a great opportunity for you to take up the obligation take up the call is Allah has told you to do and share this beautiful message with the world Islam submission to the One God God see what everyone's talking about. You find one contradiction it can't be from God
but the rational idea the rational explanation is you do your best give up for spring guidance one I will never give up spreading this message. Hope that you take the necessary steps you don't know if you're gonna live till tomorrow.
So you got to find that urgency to do the right thing right now.
That you believe in Jesus you have stepped outside of Islam you cannot be a Muslim as a tenant are afraid to
eat comb, eat lay. Everybody sleep.
I arrived and ask a lot of thinking me. Oh la You see? Oh la you know, all the sins I do. A turn to you to pick him
today. Yo man
runs away. Ola. Guy me