The Ideal Muslim Family

Suleiman Hani


Channel: Suleiman Hani

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La subhanaw taala reminds us for our own benefit, our own success, our own happiness, what is translated as all believers be mindful of Allah as he deserves worship your Lord worship Allah subhanaw taala as is his right upon you, and do not die Do not leave this world accepting that state of submission. May Allah subhanaw taala grant us consistency upon Islam and the ability to die upon Iman Allama I mean,

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we've given many reminders before about the success of the Ummah at large, as well as the success of the individual the traits that the believer should have. Our hotbar today is about the Ideal Muslim family, the traits of success that the OMA relies on when it comes specifically to the family structure. And a family does not mean you must have many people living with you, but rather we will talk about some of the details inshallah Tada. And the point of this is that wherever you are in your life, regardless of how much you've already experienced, regardless of your past experiences, young or old, good or bad, easy or difficult, that there are certain traits we look at that are

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emphasized in our revelation, emphasizing the Sunnah, emphasized by the companions and the leader generations and the many scholars that contribute overall to the well being of society. And so today, primarily we're focused on the family unit, because when the family unit begins to break apart, when it starts to be impacted by different types of Phaeton trials and tribulations, affected by external ideological pressures affected by temptations, desires, or arrogance, or any of the diseases of the heart, may Allah subhanaw taala protect us the impact is on not just the children is on that society is on that community, and it has a ripple effect for many generations. So the first

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of the traits of the Ideal Muslim family is the fulfilling of rights and responsibilities, that there are rights and these rights are defined by Allah subhanaw taala. So oftentimes when we talk about rights, usually the very first thing we talk about is the rights of parents. And why do we always begin with this no matter how many times we hear it, we recite the Quran and we see Allah subhanaw taala telling us while Paula aboukir Allah Abu Allah Yeah, what beluga leader in the Sunnah your Lord decreed your worship none but Him and to your parents be honorable, you find different variations of this command in the Quran four times, worship Allah and to your parents, be good, be

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honorable, have been admitted as many things amongst them it is to be kind amongst them it is to be humble amongst them it is to treat them well. Amongst them it is to fulfill their right to treat them as parents, and be really validating no matter how many times we address it. We realize with the passing of time, the contrast between Islam and what's happening in Western nations and what's happening in society. The studies are finding 3040 Sometimes 50% of people on this content in North America specifically, are a strange directly from one of their parents or one of their children, sometimes from their siblings as well, to be strange many to cut off completely, they are cutting

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off and this is a large number 3040 or 50%. In some countries in Canada, Australia, the UK, many sociologists, many therapists are saying there's an epidemic in which families that are direct family here are cutting off one another very quickly and very easily. So when we talk about built into it, then yes, we start with it. But we don't end with it middle while he deign to honor one's parents is one of many rights of the creation that impacts society in many ways that impact what happens to some parents in their older ages, that impact what you see in some of the homes here in this country, retirement homes and others. And so we know the many generations when the Companions

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would ask, Who is most deserving our kind treatment, our honor, our time our presence, our love, your mother, your mother, your mother and then your father. This doesn't mean the father doesn't have a role, or the father does not deserve kind treatment or the father doesn't have many rights. Absolutely not. But this emphasizes what a mother goes through and in fact, an interesting Tafseer to Jim is when you look at the layout in the Quran, emphasizing will be lonely Dana center, you will find some of these ayat clarifying even more why? Why to your parents be honorable, the father does so much no matter what we know this, but the mother is specified in these ayat harmala to Quran will

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not to call her that the mother carried this child in hardship and gave birth as well and there was hardship hemella to Omaha Nana, Allah one, the mother carried this child with hardship upon hardship and we all know this, you know the experience, you know what a mother goes through your wife has gone through, you know, the reality of this and Allah subhanaw taala specifies this in the Quran. There was a young brother, maybe 25 years old. He was talking about why he, how he converted to Islam and what led him to Islam. And then he opened up and said, and eventually my parents became Muslim

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Somebody asked him, What what did your parents think when you became Muslim? How did they react? What is it that led them to Islam? He said, they started noticing, as I was learning about Islam, and my practice changed, they started noticing a contrast between who I was before in terms of treating them in a specific way. And who I was after becoming Muslim. They said, You used to ignore us used to talk back to us, you were so rude to us, you used to insult us used to cut us off, you're always isolated from us. You didn't regard us at all. And now you're treating us with kindness, respect and honor. So what is it that changed? What is it that Islam is telling you to do? And so

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explaining to them what Islam was about eventually led them to Islam? Are there limitations to that, right? Yes, there are. Allah subhanaw taala tells us as well, despite the fact that betrayal why the deen is so important. We're in Jehovah caddy to Sri kabhi. If they tell you to commit, ship the note, you cannot obey your parents, there is no obedience to the creation over the Creator. If your parents tell you don't pray or insult this person or hurt this person or abuse this person, we know this already. It's a fact that most people are aware of this what most people don't know is where the boundaries are. The boundaries and limitations have built into it Dane when it's when it comes

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to some situations that we hear of whether it's abuse coming from the parents, or the or abusing the concept of betrayal validate to do something that Islam is not actually permitting or Allah subhanaw taala did not permit. But with this in mind, the family cannot succeed. If the only right that is fulfilled is the right of parents. Because we know in Islam, there is a right for the husband rights for the wife rights for the children that many parents are not aware of at times, that your children deserve to be treated with love with respect, treating them in a manner in which you care about their athletes, showing them what Islam is about teaching them what Islam is teaching them who Allah

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is, when the family stops fulfilling one another's rights or there's an imbalance, someone will be hurt. And oftentimes that resentment leads to many other problems and divisions as well. There's one study that found the people over the age of 65, when they were surveyed, they said family 70% of them said family wasn't one of the most important things in life, when they asked some of the youngsters under the age of 30, that number dropped below 50%, showing the generations that pass in this country are changing in terms of how they see parents, how they see family, that it's becoming a very individualistic society, it's all about me. And if I don't like it, if I don't like what you

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said, I'm going to cut you off. But that's not what Islam calls for. There is mediation, there's conflict resolution, there's forgiveness, bringing people together without justifying ongoing abuse, there's bringing people together. And one of the factors as well that many parents and children should be aware of is mental health, that a lot of people are impacted in many different ways. So they are no longer putting up with one another. If I don't like what you said, I'm going to place a boundary here. And in fact, some sociologists have found that some of the talking points, some of the talking points that come from liberalism and individualism are in fact, impacting people and

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incentivizing people and motivating people to place boundaries in a manner in which they should not be placed, that as soon as you dislike something from a family member, it becomes so easy to cut them off, rather than to try to think Can I fix this situation? Can I resolve this matter? Can this relationship be mediated can it be resolved can be rectified in some way, people are placing boundaries in a manner that they did not place before. And many families are impacted by this. But again, sometimes it is the children sometimes it is the father, sometimes it is the mother, it could be a number of factors, but we cannot ignore individualism. One of the other factors that always

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comes up as well is favoritism. When a parent treats one child better than they treat the rest of their children or to the rest of their siblings. And oftentimes, we look at the narrations of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in terms of taking care of your children equally showing them love in a similar manner. And we wonder how it's possible for someone to know what the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam taught, and to still make one of your children start to hate the other or hate the parents, because they saw throughout their lives, that one child is treated in certain way said certain things about them and other things about the other children. This impacts people. And

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the last point here with regards to rights and responsibilities, and the families in general, is the changes in society when it comes to religious views. When it comes to ideologies, and values and morality, there is no doubt whatsoever, that if you do all you're supposed to do as a parent, and you teach your child Islam, but you're also opening the doors, the floodgates of everything that is corrupt of ideologies, and at the same time you are trying to develop a good foundation, a foundation of Islam, they are being basically bombarded with and they are taking in and consuming through movies, TV shows, bad friends, environment, schools, wherever it may be all the things that

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are also trying to corrupt them to secularize the minds to brainwash people in a certain manner. And so you have this call

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Conflict internally that at times, a parent does not realize the second of six factors or six traits of the Ideal Muslim family that contributes to success in terms of the Ummah is the choice in one spouse, the choice and one spouse. And of course, as soon as we say this, many people think, well, I already made a choice, I cannot change it. Of course, when we talk about those who are still making these choices, we look at those who we learn from their experiences, such as many brothers, many sisters who said over the years like this one man, and I'm literally reading what he sent me in summarizing. He said he went through many challenges because he married after he, quote, unquote,

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fell in love with somebody, they fell in love, and they were so drained by this relationship. It was not a relationship built on Islam or similarities or anything else. They married based on their idea of infatuation or love. Realizing years later, their initial ambitions when they were teenagers, when they were college students, they started to be impacted in a negative manner. 1520 years later, they ended up divorcing another example of this a sister who told us she had this ambition for Islamic knowledge, Islamic Studies classes, raising a Muslim family, but the marriage itself was so abusive, so problematic so far from Islam, in a way it discouraged are impacted her ambitions, she

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became distanced from Allah subhanaw taala. And she became distanced from studying altogether and their marriage also ended up in divorce. I'm not mentioning these, to say that divorce is the fault of any specific person here, but rather the reality that when you make a choice with your friends, or your marriage more than anything else, you are making a choice that will impact you. You cannot blame your husband, your wife for your spiritual decisions. You cannot say my husband, my wife does not want me to pray, I blame them for not being in the masjid all the time. You have to be putting in the effort and realizing if there is a conflict and it means it needs to be solved, needs to be

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mediated by you cannot blame the other person, while acknowledging no doubt whatsoever. That the person you marry will impact you, the person you marry impacts you in so many different ways. This requires one or the other to take the initiative. How will we lead this family forward towards Allah subhana wa Tada. And of course, while people are making these choices, and people have already made their choices, we ask Allah subhana wa Tada to put Baraka blessings in the marriages of our brothers and sisters in every land and a replace for everyone who's struggling with something, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to guide us to humility to wisdom to conflict resolution to fulfilling the rights of

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one another and to be amongst those who are constantly trying to move the family towards Allah subhanaw taala the third

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is for our communities to know and for our families to know what a poem is, what is a one you find the the usage of the sword in the Quran and the Sunnah as well. Basically a man who leads a family forward, does this mean that a wife a mother does not have a role? Of course not, but specifically here, to have in this day and age, the right understanding, meaning Islamic perspective on what masculinity is not to be harmed by a secularized worldview, not to see the extreme movements that are very active today that are attacking certain notions of masculinity and traditional ideas of what Islam says about marriage and men and women. To the extent that now there is a backlash to that

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movement on the other end of the spectrum, and that extreme as well is very unhealthy, where many men many youngsters especially are gravitating towards certain voices, certain influencers, certain ideas, certain people online, because they are speaking in a very blunt and harsh manner as a response to the first extreme movement. The reality is when Allah subhanaw taala says at regional ko muna Allah Nisa, this concept of a awam a leader. In other words, this concept has never been understood in Islamic history by any of the scholars the Companions, as being, for example, a dictator as being abusive, these things are not allowed in Islam. We don't have that concept in

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Islam, of a husband abusing his wife and just ignore it. He's the one that's not what a poem is. Because if we teach our communities and our children and our sons and our daughters, that the husband's sole responsibility is to have a source of income, and therefore he's fulfilled his right, then we have not understood what a family is in Islam. The husband is responsible, yes, for the financial, but he's responsible for the well being, that his emotional, mental, psychological, religious, for the family, for their safety, their security, the husband has to carry with a with the role of the colon, the husband is required to carry a responsibility before Allah subhanaw

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taala. At the end of the day, that's what it is. It is a responsibility. And we all know that the responsibilities that we have in this world, we will be questioned about them. And as the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam told us every one of you the shepherd and you're responsible for your flock, thy husband is going to be asked by Allah subhanaw taala about the entire family. Do you take care of the rights of your wife? Did you take care of the rights of your children? Did you take care of the rights in multiple facets?

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of being a leader. So being a leader does not mean that it's a matter of power or control. Yes, there is a notion of hierarchy in Islam there is. But it's not a hierarchy of abuse, but rather a hierarchy of progress, a hierarchy of leadership, a hierarchy that is beneficial for the family. Now what happens when the hierarchy is abused? This is the question that's frequently asked, What about so and so? What about these kinds of men? What about these kinds of men? Those are not examples of what it means to be a woman. And we do not take these individuals as an example. Rather, we look for solutions in those situations. And we find that the Shetty out provides a very comprehensive

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approach to solve these problems. Does this mean the husband has all the rights no, the wife has so many rights in Islam. And Allah subhanaw taala reminded us through His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam on more than a dozen occasions, to treat the woman in your family properly. It still will be nice if Hydra to take care of your wives and the best of you the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, the best of you are those who are best to their wives and another Hadith, the best of you are those who are best to their families. The Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam did not leave anything of the family structure, or the community that needed to be addressed, except that he addressed it. And he

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conveyed on behalf of Allah subhanho wa taala. So husbands will be held accountable by Allah subhanaw taala wives will be held accountable by Allah subhanaw taala the children will be held accountable by Allah subhanaw taala. And we ask Allah subhanaw taala to guide us to the most appealing and the most motivating of the most impactful families that are pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala and beneficial for their communities. The fourth is the matter of love and respect and harmony between the spouses. The most cited is in almost every Muslim event in which there's a marriage in which there's an engagement, the same idea from Surah, to room that many children have memorized

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this. And that's the only area that they know from Surah toolroom we mean it and Holika document and fusi come as whadda from his Siza he created for you pairs from amongst you, meaning pairs amongst men and women, what Giada bear in mind what that and what

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he created between you and commanded you in a way mawatha A type of love. And this is one of the forms of love in the Arabic language, what are some unconditional mercy, that you're merciful to one another? What is it that leads to that love in that mercy? First it is to respect that person for the sake of Allah. The second is to be unconditional, in fulfilling the rights, that if you fulfill the rights of your husband or your wife, when they're treating you well, but you don't fulfill the rights that Allah revealed, when you don't like them on that day when you had a conflict when you disagreed, then you are not unconditionally doing what Allah Subhana Allah has commanded. You're

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basing it off of how you feel and how they treated you. Rather ALLAH SubhanA commanded my what the Rama, this is for the husband, and for the wife. This is something that requires us to look at situations like the example of an example that is very common, a man reaches out where woman reaches out. And he says, What are the absolute basic necessities I am required to provide for my wife from the Sharia. I want to know what the absolute minimum necessities are. So a roof over her head, I have to give her food she has to have basic clothing. I just want to know that this question Yes, is a question of fill the boundaries of what is required. But this question is a symptom that there's a

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problem in that relationship, that this person is not looking to treat this person? Well, they're looking at the absolute minimum. And oftentimes, it may be the other way around, where a woman will reach out and she will say my husband is supposed to be spending this much because my friends are getting this much. And they're complaining about worldly things that matter that does not be fit the one who is looking for my Wonder and Rama rather has been impacted by maybe materialism by jealousy by external factors as well, or a wife who says I want my husband to give me all my rights, but I don't want to give him any of his the wording is usually different. The wording is not along these

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lines. The wording is usually I want this and I want that, do I not deserve it? Am I not entitled to it? And I'm giving these very small short examples. For sure, knowing that there are many more details, nuances, it's a comprehensive conversation, a matter of education that we should continue with. And in fact, the very solution to this to many of the marriages is to have ongoing Tobia ongoing in learning, learning and growing and it does not end the Sahaba some of them converted in their older ages continue learning until their last breath. And some of the children have companions as well, that every one of us is in a place in which we can continue to learn to continue to

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converse continue to talk about what it is that Allah subhanaw taala expects from us where we are right now and what we need to do to improve and of course, this includes having premarital education for many of the youth who are looking to get married in coming years that you learn what it is to be a righteous husband or a righteous wife and may Allah Subhana Allah guide us and protect us with this as well as the reminder for many parents that as you're raising your sons and your daughters

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We raised them knowing what it means to be pleasing unto Allah subhanaw taala, to be a righteous person to fulfill the rights of others to have good character, and of course, to know what their rights are as well. Sometimes people are raised, knowing what their rights are and given everything of this world, but they don't know how to give. They don't know how to support they don't know how to serve others as well. Number five of six and I will be very brief in sha Allah is the matter of harmony of worldviews, there are many people who, when they get married, they don't understand what the other person believes in at all. They have no idea and other people will know to an extent she

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is Muslim, he's Muslim, we generally agree on a few things, let's move forward. But at times, there are many people in many of our communities who had a number of problems in their marriages, and sometimes very severe problems when it came to their children and raising their children. Because they got married due to an initial type of infatuation, an idea of chemistry between two people, or she makes me laugh, and he makes me laugh. So they got married. But then when it came to the reality of marriage, when it came to moving in together, when it came to raising children, where do you want them to learn? What kind of school do you want to send them to? How do you want them to learn Islam?

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Who are the scholars that you are going to listen to? Who are the people you want to listen to? These differences were not discussed in advance. And so people oftentimes are dealing with many of these conflicts, because they realize their ideologies are in fact, even within the folds of Islam very different. And there are many stories in the examples like this, at the end of the day, Allah subhanaw. Taala reminds us in kilmacolm, and Allah He attacked them in a chromosome, the most honorable of you are in the law, he has parked them in the sight of Allah, or those who have the most tough word God consciousness. So before you look at all the other factors, which you should

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look at when it comes to marriage, and I say this, of course, especially to the youth, that you look at the factor, or you look at the traits of what they believe in, who are they in the sight of Allah subhanahu, wa taala, and are many other reminders, again, the solution is for us to have awareness for us to utilize the resources of Hamdulillah that are in abundance when it comes to these types of classes and programs. And even for many parents to be involved in teaching their children. what Islam is, what the worldview is that they believe in. There are many youth who have come to us who said, I want to get married. Do you have advice for both of us? And then what do you believe in?

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Well, I'm a Muslim, what do you believe in beyond that? Who is Allah subhanaw taala? We're not talking here about advanced athletes, we're talking about very basic things. How do you want to raise your children? How do you want to live your everyday life? These are very basic worldview questions. And oftentimes that harmony is necessary for that marriage to flourish. And I ask Allah subhanaw taala to protect us and our communities. An example of knowing what the other person believes in is understanding what they learned up to this point and understanding what they will do to learn in the future. Meaning, what are your references? Who are the scholars, you will back to

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the council's the institutes that you have access to the DUA to the students of knowledge in order to ensure that the general not every detail, but the general things that are important for you to agree on are agreed on, who will you refer to? And what will you do an example of this, when it comes to how people talk about relationships in this country. Of course, we don't need to give any examples. But there are many clear proofs and many trends. When it comes to cheating when it comes to hookup culture infidelity, when it comes to open relationships, which of course is one of the trending things that is very problematic. This culture has many things that as the ideology changes,

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the conversation about relationships will change the conversation in terms of marriage itself, and what it means to be married will also change within the Sharia, Allah subhanaw taala has permitted certain things in order for desires to be channeled in a certain way, and told us and revealed to us and showed us through the messenger salAllahu alayhi salam, how to have a healthy marriage, how to live a righteous life, how to be a very happy person, and to take from the wisdom of the revelation and to implement it. So what is the point behind this? Some of the conversations that at times are very shocking that we still have is the fact that sometimes they're still a taboo, a sensitivity

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when it comes to a young man telling his parents he wants to marry somebody who was divorced before. And they have this notion that because she was married before, and now she's divorced, this is not somebody you want to marry. And I'm not saying every single situation is exactly the same. But the fact that such a cultural taboo exists with something that the Sharia does not have with something that companions by the way, they did not find to be weird or problematic, reminds us and reminds parents and reminds their children, that when it comes to marriage, look for that which is pleasing to Allah. And don't worry about society. Don't worry about what people are saying, focus on what is

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beneficial and pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala for there are people in different situations who will marry in different ways and their marriages are pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala there are many sociologists, who also say no matter how disliked this may seem to some people, that the trends within polygyny and polygynous relationships are also increasing in this country. Very, actually a very rapid rate. This is something that many people will be discussing in the future in terms of their

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or types of situations and their types of marriages and what works for them so long as it is done in a manner that is pleasing to Allah subhana wa Tada. And lastly, the point of Islamic tarbiyah. There is no benefit in raising a child and giving them every material success possible, and not giving them the tools that they need to succeed on the Day of Judgment, the tools that they need to stand before Allah subhanaw taala and to be able to pass the test of this life with success, to be able to be pleasing to Allah. There is no point in doing all of this. If you're not saving your family, there is no point in disappearing for an extra two or three jobs unnecessarily for more and more and

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more wealth, and your children never see you as fathers and as mothers. What's the point at the end of the day, if there is no teddy bear, there is no development, there is no teaching, there's no presence, who and Fusa como Alikum. Now to save yourselves and your families from the fire as Allah subhanho wa Taala commands there is no substitute for motherhood, there is no substitute for fatherhood. Meaning that if someone is in a situation like a single mother, single father, may Allah make it easy for them. But the situations in which somebody has a mother and has a father, but they chose something else of a dunya over being present with their children, there is no substitute for

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that. There is no alternative for that there is a war against parenthood. There is a war in this country when it comes to secularization and attacking and this is very clear cut, attacking the role and the value of a mother. Whereas from the Islamic perspective, we see that without an own without a presence mother, there is no Amma there is no next generation. There is no progress for our communities. If that presents that love that education that she has of Islam and Allah subhanaw taala if not, is not there. These wars that are being waged and they have already started decades ago will continue to hurt people in many ways. We may not fully at times see their impact but the

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impact is clear cut and it is there. May Allah subhanaw taala protect us and our families. ask Allah for forgiveness for you and your families and our loved brothers and sisters all around the world. Allah subhanaw taala is the author giving the Ever Merciful?

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hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah. While early he was so happy he only went on a topic like this deserves hours and hours of workshops and conversations. These are just some summarize points for many other workshops and lectures that have been given. But at the end of the day, every one of us has a role. Even if you've already raised your family you already raised your children hamdulillah or your parents have passed away may Allah have mercy on them. There is a rule when it comes to bidding to add make dua for those who passed away. There is a role when it comes to your children that you be present for them. There is a role when it comes to perfecting or improving the

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marriage that you have that is so valuable in the sight of Allah, the same way that you invest in something else you see value in that marriage in the sight of Allah is one of the greatest forms of reward one of the greatest opportunities for reward with Allah subhanaw taala every one of us can try to teach others or for our own families, to initiate good traditions, good habits within that family, to have weekly lectures to have weekly huddle thoughts with the children to connect with one another. Parents at times are delegating the teaching of Islam in terms of their children to someone else, or to online or to the the massage parents as well could be as many are learning and giving

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learning and giving as they are progressing with their children. And at the end of the day, glad tidings and glad tidings glad tidings to the families that live upon Iman and Diop Hanuman and their children and descendants follow them with Eman they will be gathering the highest levels of Jannah if they reach out for those May Allah Subhana Allah grant us the highest levels of paradise with our loved ones with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam