Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar
‘Leadership Begins at Home’ was the Fourth and Final Installment in the ‘Making Our Mark’ Lecture tour in the UK, presented by Sheikh Sajid Umar.
‘Leadership Begins at Home’ was a talk presented in Trowbridge.
In this lecture Sheikh Sajid breaks down the family unit in terms of the beautiful Ayah found in Surah Yusuf (Ayah 4) and details the different roles that are to be found in a household, and how to be effective and excellent in these roles.
Part 4 from ‘Leadership Begins at Home’ discusses the joint roles by both the father and the mother in the home.
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So the man has his rose, and the female has her own. But as parents by default, there has to be joined rows, there has to be joined rows. And this is what I want to discuss with you all. Before we end our discussion for the remainder of our
talk today. We can go on and on about this Pamela, but we tried to just,
you know, being a leader yourself and creating a lead is not going to come from this talk, but inshallah we have something to think about. As a father, we have something to think about. As a mother, we have something to think about. Are we as well as
people, our vision, visionaries? Are we patient? are we teaching our children inspiration? are we teaching them self sufficiency. And obviously, there's many, many more roles that we can talk about, because a mother is the epicenter of the hope, right, inshallah, Allah will bring us together, so we can talk about parenting.
I mean, our brothers and sisters as parents together, as parents together,
we need to become people that are in touch with our children. And this happens in many ways. Firstly, by taking time to know our children really know them, but know their name.
Right? know them. Each child is unique in their character.
Each child is unique in how Allah has engineered them. The unique some children are naturally introverts, some are naturally extroverts.
Some are naturally perceivers, while others are naturally sensory, everyone is different. You as a mother and father, I need to take our time to understand your child, you can't paint each child with the same paintbrush, you can't. But this child started walking at this age. So this child was not walking in the safe, he's not walking, there's a problem with him. Coco did he make an appointment we need to this child spoke at this age, this child is that there's a wish killer here. Or if the first child was late in speaking and the second one was quicker, you see, a brother younger brother is cleverer than you. Right? It doesn't work like this. Each child has their own amazing attributes
take our time to learn these special unique character so you as a parent can evolve these characters and make it better. If your child is naturally an extrovert, if you understand this,
and are diligent in the upbringing.
That same extrovert that naturally can become a proud and arrogant person, you can make them a humble person.
Proud, not arrogant, proud of who they are proud of the religion they have proud of us parents and what you shared with them. But humble in that they appreciate the quality that they've been given. But if we leave this child to run wild, they will know. And it's not their fault. They were never meant to know. It is as if they told us when they were born, my dear mother and father, I know nothing.
And I never have any opportunity to pick my parents. And even if I did, I wouldn't know how to
Allah has been your kid do right pipe. This is basically do right by me.
This is what our children are telling us. So take our time to read them, their personalities, understand them, and nurture them appropriately. Some children you can be stared. And it will be for the best of it. As you can be Stern, and it will be to the disadvantage. Not so
we learned the hard way, isn't it? Some are smiling because they learned the hard way pet parenting is not you know, when we go to school, they say trial and error. Let's have one child, let's try. We fail call us back to the drawing board. The next one, we fail call us back to the drawing board.
It doesn't work like this doesn't work like this. Right? So understand them and understand how to be with them. As I said some children you stern it helps if you're not steady breeds progression in their lives.
Some no you have to be softer, more caring. What's the word they use? sensitive gotta be more sensitive
to their needs. And that's from you being a parent who said parenting was easy. It's not Allah subhanho wa Taala made it a means of you owning your agenda. So it requires effort. We told our brothers yesterday that reward is directly proportional to effort exerted. This is a management principle. reward is directly proportional to effort.
If ally is going to reward you and make your agenda more beautiful, and make your skills of good deeds more heavy on the day of the hour. If this is the prize for you being a parent it means it requires effort.
This is what it means and altruism agency.
altruism engine Sillerman, the reward is based on the effort on the work, and you will be rewarded according to that. So taking our time, and this is the beauty of Islam. This is the beauty of Western what we're talking about here is not something which is Who has time for this, how can we can say this, who has time for this to lead and I will stop now overthinking My child, who has titled this will lie You should have time with having time for it could mean that big palace may not have diamonds in gender for you.
When you look at life with the lens of email, and the lens of Islam, and based on the
Tao of hammer sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you realize that as a Muslim, every little thing becomes a bad worship.
Because worship is everything that is beloved to Allah subhanho wa Taala, in speech, in actions and in belief, even how you want to be diligent with your children, is this my beloved to Allah. This is a bad and if it's a bad day, it's a means of gender.
I was telling the brothers the other day when you go to work, you can make it any better. If you make it for the sake of Allah.
If you make it for the sake of Allah, a day will never come in your life. Or you say, well, life is what depresses me. How can you be from morning till night you're building Jelena Can this be depressing? Now? You want became a means of building your education? If you tried it in a way and made it for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala it becomes a very bad How can you be depressed going to school? When you go to school, you won't be telling everybody I'm going to school you say I'm going to build gender. When you go to work, I'm going to build gender paradigm shifting. People will say you strange Yes. Be strange. That's a good strange. Is that weird? Strange. That's a good,
strange. So as parents take out this time, take out this time, because each child is engineered in their specific way. It's your job to figure it out. It's your job to figure it out. And Allah subhanho wa Taala will reward you and remember the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that when a person dies, there's no way of earning rewards except one of three ways. Except in one of three ways. And one of those three ways is leaving behind a pious child who makes do it for his parents.
You get to align, try and see had gem solid CRM and so many good things. And you see Allah but I didn't do this. And Allah will say it was you did.
Because you brought up your child the right way. This was the price after you they may do out for you. So we blessed you with this spot Allah
lawmakers from those that see what our skills of good deeds are.
So what's number one, as parents take time to know your child number two, take time to show them right from wrong.
And again, not my way of the highway kind of business. Right? Take time, which means in practice, walk the talk in practice.
Don't just say Coke is bad for you while sipping a nice cold coke.
And nowadays, the parents say well, we can put the coke in the coffee mug so they think we drinking tea.
Luckily for me, personally, I don't encourage drinking Coke. I don't think it's good for you or your children. And
it's just an example. Teach them right from wrong. Share with them your experiences. That's the best way and share with them the experiences of your parents that they taught you and experiences of others that you know so Pamela, when I was growing up, I was fortunate my dad used to always talk to me and still does.
No matter how many qualifications I can get. He's still the most qualified, because he has a degree from the University of life as he tells me rightly so.
We have degrees from the universities of academia, he has the University of life. He always used to talk to me tell me things things which I knew things which I didn't know things which he told me you tell me again Subhana Allah and he will tell me that if he listened to me, you will live in
And if you don't, you might end up in regrets. And it might be that I will be by grave the Allah preserve him. It allows obedience. He's alive having a law. And I have the opportunity to tell him that you told me this. I benefited from that.
He used to tell me I shared this with the brothers in restaurants because it's the first time I said these are personal things but he used to tell me for the sake of our gathering and breathing benefits. He's to tell me my dear son,
you and me in this world is like us
on a jail.
You in a vehicle and I'm in a vehicle. The only difference between us is that I started my journey 25 or 30 years before you
And you started your journey.
But as a father, I love you. So I made sure I found the telephone and I called you from 30 years ahead.
And I said, Son, you know what? You coming on the journey
after so many kilometres is a dusty road, ensure you fit the right tires before you get on that road. I didn't, I had all sorts of problems that I was delayed.
After so many more kilometres, it's not safe, make sure you keep your doors locked I did. And I faced so many delays out so many kilometres, there's a checkpoint make sure you driving at the right speed. I didn't. And if so many delights. After so many kilometers,
there was an oil spill, the road is slippery. Be careful, slow down, put on your hazards. I did it. And I faced so many delays. In any case, in 30 years, this is where I've reached. And I've shared with you advice to make your journey more smoother. If you listen to me my DSM, you will get to where I am, in probably five years, it took me 30 you will probably get in five, and you will have another 25 years to build on.
What I only achieved you could surpass it by 25 years.
And if you don't, don't think you will reach the 30 year mark with the experiences of 30 years, because my caliber is different to Canada, I face the problems, but my abilities to handle them are not the same as your abilities to handle them.
It might have taken me three years to recover from this mess, it will take you five, it might have taken me eight years to recover from this mess, it will take you 10 so at the 30 year mark, you would not have achieved what I achieved. So Pamela, look at this beautiful PS and analogy. Allah will lie. Have you done a lot?
It's beautiful. Isn't this what it's all about? We share experiences, we teach our children through experiences. I was telling the brothers today one of the brothers was saying I want to leave my degree I said, Look, you've done so much.
Continue. And I shared with him that advice because of my dad. Right that we finished a period of our study. And we say that now we want to Alize blessed Alhamdulillah Allah blesses Delica formula UTP. So some people are blessed to study and be able to be involved in the DAO in ways. Others can only be involved in one Allah can help you get to a stage that you speak in university for so long, and you can't become a professional student. As they say, every time you finish something, you start doing something else, there's bigger fish to fry. And I've spent a long time in the academic system. And it was my intention to leave. But my dad left with me words of advice which I took at wholesale
value, immediately at face value without even trying to think about it further. He says, Look, you've done 800 kilometres in the Institute, and you have the opportunity to finish the other 200 and make it 1000 if you decide to leave
for that, that's your decision. But my advice to you is at least leave the door open to go back at least do that part leave but leave this part. This is from his experience, because it is like there must have been something that he left without leaving the door open to go back in when he wanted to go back into a shed. This is experience from our fathers. So message for the everyone's sitting here isn't it. I was listening to our parents, we should take the advice. They have the University of life, you might know that one one plus one equals two. But they know other things which the school will never teach you.
We also had with Allah preserve our parents in his obedience, and show His divine mercy upon them if they passed away, and make their graves gardens from the gardens of gentlemen, and grant them the highest Jeanette the highest places in in Paradise and gather us with them. I mean, I mean, you're open I mean, so we should take time to show them right from wrong. We should share our experiences and the experiences of others and build their capacities, their maturity, we should take time for that. The next responsibility within the remit of mother and father as parents together is to allow our children to feel responsibilities
within the capacities.
Allow them to feel the weight of responsibility, allow them to get things right themselves and get things wrong themselves and feel the weight of making a mistake. We shouldn't mother them all the time as it said. Sometimes they've reached a capacity of responsibility. It's your job to make them leaders of tomorrow to allow them to feel the way that is under your care and guidance to allow them to
shouldn't be a case where your child is old enough to do something and the father is still doing it.
You're offloading your vehicle, the father is offloading the vehicle once the sun is set, because we still want to keep them in a diamond box. Don't dare to close. Don't worry, your time will come tomorrow, we still will break our back doing it that give them the weight of responsibility.
Tell them now it's passed on to you. This is your department when you travel, give them some responsibility. Don't give them the responsibility of the passports it might be a disaster, but the certain responsibilities you can give them you don't have to carry everything as the parents to your responsibilities in doing account. Some families Mashallah it's a football team. So you can't make sure the kids are moving together, no one's left behind. Right? Home Alone three, or four, by Allah Callahan. We need to let them understand responsibility. And when they make a mistake, teach them that the problem is not in making the mistake. The problem is not learning from the mistake, because
we are weak, we are prone to error. Teach them this. So when they grow up and they make mistakes, they lead as they grow from these mistakes, they don't become insignificant it happens sometimes a child makes one mistake.
Or in their life, they make a mistake and you don't hear from this person again.
It sends them into a spiral of depression and loss of confidence. Right? Teach your children this as parents. We said teach them right and wrong and make them feel responsibility. We have this example from iacobelli salam
salam, Yusuf Ali Salam was taken away from him at a very young age, a very young age.
But we see Apple Valley, he said, I'm teaching this child
as if this child is an adult in our terms, he was teaching this child as if this child was a child. And this is what the child had to know. So Pamela, used to run a salon when he had this dream. He was confused. He went to his father, again, who his father, that's the first that's my hero. My father's the leader. That's my hero. I want to be like him. He goes to his father and says, I've seen this dream. It confuses me.
He doesn't say this is a kid, six years old, five years old, seven years old. Now he tells him Do not relay this dream to your brothers.
For they will plot against you. Now who tell their six year old kid this?
Who was going to put up their hands, nobody would say is too young to know, leave. Don't worry about it. Now, he told him.
And look how he told him. Our parenting attitude is do and don't do if
similar to the other one. I think I did. I did this as part of my parenting talk. I think it was in Leeds. I shared this example with them. If
we were good at giving commands and prohibitions, right, sit here, don't sit there. ypad don't wear your hat. Don't blame the son, go to school, go to sleep. But we have explained why.
It says if they are servants.
We our children. jacoba salam says don't tell you a dream to your brothers. Did he stop there? No. He said less they plot against you is explaining to his child is growing up his child, nurturing his child giving his child his feeling of responsibility. He's at the age less they shall propagates you. But then Subhana Allah, because he continues to parent this child. He knows that this child will be confused. How can my father tell me that my blood will harm me This doesn't make sense. So he continues to teach his child at tau d tau g as they call it. You have Mr. metallian, the Moto G. Right in the books of Tobia. You command to something you explain why. Another strategy, you offer
further guidance? What does he say? In a panel in San Diego movie that my dear son, don't be afraid if they happen to do something. It's not their fault. It's the fault of Shiva. Shiva is
a great enemy to mankind. How many of us, teach our child about rape?
So yaku teaches us of this amazing lesson. And we approve as a prophet knows that this dream means my son is going to go through difficulty, amazing difficulty, years of difficulty. So immediately he takes the opportunity to teach this child the lessons of life. The Golden lessons he says work as early
He tells his child My dear child and this is how Allah
has chosen you and will teach you the revelation.
And according to some of the facility the ability to interpret dreams, and this is how Allah is going to complete his favor upon you. As he completed his favours upon your forefathers, Ibrahim Allah is hack to penalize teaching this young boy, that young boy if you if you find yourself in the bottom of well, don't be despair lies with you. This is a lack of reading his favor for you. If strange men take you and take you to a foreign land, don't be scared allies away. And this is how Allah is completing his favor for you. When a strange minister from Egypt will bother you and put you in a house of shake. Don't lose your values and don't be afraid. Remember the lessons of your
father and understand that Allah knows where you are, and Allah is completing his favor for you. When you are
tricked into Zina. Remember your duties. Remember your parental lessons given to you from your father, and remember that Allah is watching you. And remember, this is how I was completing his favors upon you, when you thrown into prison and forgotten about for years know that Allah hasn't forgotten about you. And this is how allies competing is famous for you. So Pinilla This is a young boy, the scholars of the scene say it was around seven when he was abducted. So he was cut from his father's golden advice from that age. But look at this map. everywhere he went, he was defined as a good person in the rock, city, how many times and so the use of divine design, everyone is giving
testimony that he we see you from the good doers. When he's in prison. He's giving power to Allah subhanho wa Taala into hate. After living for years, the peak years of his life, the teads in a house of schilke. In a house of no models, he comes out to be a handler What a beautiful person outwardly and inwardly when he's tricked into Zina, he says,
When he's locked in a room, and there's nobody but him and her, he remembers what his father said, that Allah knows where you are. And this is how Allah is completing his favor upon you. So he says,
I seek refuge in Allah
subhanaw taala. And then when he's reunited with his brothers, and he says that exclaims that Allah was good to be a progeny minister, when Allah took me out of the prison.
And he brought my family from the deserts.
After what aftershave balm caused enmity between me and my brothers, who taught him that
who taught him that
who taught him that his father, when when he was an infant, look at him, he's telling his father at meeting him aftershave balm caused enmity between me and my brothers. yaku taught him that that if they do it, it shefa it's not them. So what an amazing look at this tarbiyah Look at this. This is the reality of being a parent of sevens of Allied or children of Adam, Allah subhanho wa Taala. gratis, they understand. So teach our children from the joint parental qualities, I don't know how much time I have left
This is the last thing I'll say, from the joint role as mother and father is teaching your children how to use the amenities.
Today, we find
a scary tract. And that is the trend of our children having every piece of dunya with them that you can think of. We spoke about the television earlier it transcends that route into games and the latest games and so on and so forth.
And mobile phones and everything else. I traveled to one country.
I was with a group of young boys and honestly I'm saying young boys eight years old, seven years old, nine years old, six year old boys, and I pulled out my mobile phone
so the point is all Mashallah you have this phone.
He pulls out his phone, which is even higher version than mine. Because look at my phone.
seven year old boy Mashallah. Right? What does it become brothers and sisters?
Think and don't be a blind follower. Think? What are the harms in me passing this radioactive device to a kid. And then busying this kid with WhatsApp, he's gonna grow up tomorrow to be a person who doesn't like to socialize with anybody. The first thing he does in the day is pull out his phone and socialize via his phone. And the last thing he does at night is the same thing
isn't healthy to their growth and development.
That's one point. If you have to give them something, teach them how to use it. Teach them that there's limits to the usage of certain things, teach them that there's a time and place to use certain things.
My dad used to tell me and he says his dad used to tell him that if somebody gives you a golden shoe, where will you put it?
on your hand on your foot?
It's a shoe it is a shoe on your foot. Doesn't matter if it's gold, it's the place where the shoe is the foot of the head.
Right? So the same applies. There's a time and place for everything. We need to teach this to our children. We have to we have to teach it to our children, how to use it. We gave them a car but didn't teach them about the importance of going to the masjid.
And picking up people along the way when going to the masjid. We just gave it to them. You have ages your freedom token Allah. And then when you went when you found them at the Disco, you're knocking the door of the ship.
We gave them money. We didn't tell them how to spend it. And then when you find that, are they taking illegal substances, were knocking the door off the shelf, I have a problem.
We gave them amenities, but we never taught them how to use it. We gave them
audio devices. And then we found them after some time listening to music. And now we're up in arms. And we screaming at them. And we grounding them.
And we're making the situation even worse. Well, let me ask Allah to protect us. These are realities, brothers and sisters. These are questions that come in.
are we creating leaders?
Are we leaders?
understood that leadership
begins at home? These are the questions we need to answer brothers and sisters. These are the questions
so the aim is not to, you know, come here and issue first class tickets to the hellfire. No, people are sad looking sad. Smile. It helps me smile. It's as soon as you smile. The aim brothers and sisters is not to become depressed or to feel that we are headed for destruction and disaster. No. As I told the brothers yesterday in Cardiff that Allah subhanho wa Taala is the most forgiving, the Most Merciful. And as I said earlier, the issue is not in making a mistake. It's not learning from it and rectifying ourselves in being leaders from that particular point. rectifying a mistake is from being a leader.
This is what it is.
So don't cry about what has passed, contemplate over it, learn from it, and now rectify it in the time that we have before we returned to Allah subhanho wa Taala I pray to come to this community in the future. And see these young gentlemen here and our young ladies,
leaders of this community, a thriving community, a community of leadership, and activists and proactiveness a community that through action is converting the non Muslims to Islam, because they see Islam walking in and around.
Islam shouldn't be something brothers and sisters in books that we read, and on video cameras, and YouTube and CDs it shouldn't be this. Islam is not just in books. Islam is a way of life. It shouldn't be seen in the Muslims.
Islam should be walking across every face of the Earth that a Muslim is let us be Muslims. Let us claim our right to be revivals that has been the best for this what I'm most proud of what Allah decreed for us. When we said La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasul Allah, Allah for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala everything corrected is from Allah subhanho wa Taala is perfect. And any mistakes are from myself and chiffon and I seek Allah subhanho wa Taala as forgiveness of Allah O Allah sallallahu wasallam robotic Allah. Allah le wa sahbihi ajibade salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.