Sajid Umar – Leadership Begins at Home Full Lecture Making Our Mark UK Tour

Sajid Ahmed Umar


Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar


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Episode Notes

‘Leadership Begins at Home’ was the Fourth and Final Installment in the ‘Making Our Mark’ Lecture tour in the UK, presented by Sheikh Sajid Umar.
‘Leadership Begins at Home’ was a talk presented in Trowbridge.

In this lecture Sheikh Sajid breaks down the family unit in terms of the beautiful Ayah found in Surah Yusuf (Ayah 4) and details the different roles that are to be found in a household, and how to be effective and excellent in these roles.


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AI Generated Summary ©

The speakers emphasize the importance of good leadership and finding a home for success in communities, as well as the need for effort and rewarding parents for their roles. They also emphasize the importance of learning and sharing experiences to build a gender paradigm and the responsibility of parents to allow children to feel weight and make mistakes. The trend of young people's use of abilities and not sharing them with others is also discussed, along with the importance of educating children on the negative impact of social media and addressing issues and learning from them.

Transcript ©

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah who Allah Allah He was happy he was seldom at the Sleeman kathira Minami de

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la mala and Milena Illa Allah, in the Quran, Allah Allah will Hakeem Allah ma, ma And Pharaoh now one final level 10 hours eat dinner and watermelon. Yeah Kareem

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My dear brothers and sisters in Islam Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu.

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All praises belong to Allah subhanho wa Taala

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we praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we see colossal parenthood assistance, and we seek guidance from Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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And we seek refuge in Allah subhanho wa Taala from the evils of our souls and the adverse consequences of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah subhanho wa Taala decreased guidance upon the man can misguide that person and whomsoever Allah subhanho wa Taala decrees misguidance upon, the man can guide him and recent salutations be upon the final messenger, Muhammad Ali Abdullah, Saleh Allahu alayhi wa sallam

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from the outset, and since we have or it's become a theme, especially in the last two talks of our series, I must enlighten you all. That after my bath talk, I lost my voice. And

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hamdulillah we still managed to go to Bristol and Cardiff and Allah subhanho wa Taala granted strength when the light is coming back. I was joking with the brothers early I said they asked how's your voice, I said the bass seems to be coming back. But the treble still needs some fixing. But insha Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala will grant a strength and an ability to be clear. But if I do have to turn to the right and left and clear, the vocal cords a little bit please excuse me about a calligraphy.

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My dear mothers, fathers,

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brothers and sisters, Mashallah.

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The title for today is

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begins at home.

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And no doubt leadership is

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a term which we've been using time and time again over the course of this particular series, and no doubt that it is a term coined many a time Today, many times today. And in actual fact, this whole concept of leadership, and being a leader, and the visionary, and so on and so forth. Even though it's coined many times today, it's not something foreign and strange to Islam.

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These concepts Islam came with In fact, and this is clear from anyone who ponderous and deliberate over the life of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and his mannerisms and etiquettes and methodologies and how he nurtured those that would carry the baton after him in working their way towards spreading Islam to the four corners of this world. This is exemplary leadership. That's why there is no nothing strange when we find historians like Michael Hart, actually lists Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as the most inspirational person of his remains of study. In his book,

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The 100 most influential people, I forget the exact name, but it revolves around that particular context. So it's not strange. He does say in his book that it may seem strange, but that is, it seems strange for the disbeliever it's not strange for the believer. And as we say, in the Arabic language, well, actually, there is nothing strange in that this is a reality. In fact, it's a reality and fat,

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good leadership is or when we look at success, success, it's always synonymous with good leadership, even communal success. When we look at success within communities. We find that this success happens because of value based leadership. And this is prevalent again in the serum Hamad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and especially after his return to Medina, when Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam established the center of Islam or the capital of Islam, and how the community developed into an active and proactive entity, right. This was based on value lead and based leadership. So leadership is something synonymous with success. However, brothers and sisters when we discuss this topic, we

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got to bring it down to you

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grassroots. And whenever we bring something down to its foundation,

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we understand that charity begins at

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how charity begins at home. And if this is the case, then true leadership has to start from the inside, and then transcend outwards. Its Foundation has to be planted and rooted and set and perfected inwardly before it transcends to

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the outwards.

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And if this is not the case, then we are nothing but personalities. Instead of people of character we know when you traverse through the books of leadership, they discuss this concept of the personality trait versus the character trait, the personality trait versus the character trait that today we live in an age of personalities. We live in an age of personalities, you are perceived, as you coin yourself to be perceived as you pitch yourself to be perceived. A person can walk into this Masjid, with the with the latest suit wearing a designer label. And he could be from the most impoverished of people. But you and I, when we see him, we consider him a rich person, a person that

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possesses financial standing and material well being. And in retrospect, you can have a millionaire or a billionaire, but they can picture themselves as someone from the impoverished dress like someone who is a destitute. And by default, we will look at this person and consider them to be from those that are poor. This is not the case. This is the reality of the era that we live in. This happened with the turn of the century, and as the ages moved from one age to the next, right from the agricultural age to the industrial age, and now we are in the age of information technology. So these changes happened. And when we look at things from the, from a seed of personification, or

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using this term, the personality trait, then we become superficial people, superficial people, we're not really what people perceive us to be what people perceive us to be. Right. So again, don't forget, we titled this to this concept of charity beginning at home, it all begins from the beginning. It all begins from the beginning, this institutionalized place that religion and society has given diligence to the home, it has

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the perfect setting to breed excellence, to breed excellence. Now this concept of looking at characters and not personalities is something taught to us by the Sharia. It's taught to us by the shediac our city and nurtures us to be people of substance, that we look at realities, and base matches upon realities and take time to source their reality. Even if somebody comes to our home with the intention of marrying our daughter, we are taught by the Sheree AI to take the steps and not just judgment is based on what we see in front of us.

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And how would we

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rightly advise a person and said, knowing a person happens through dealing with them, through traveling with them through living with them. That's how you get to know a person.

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And even those who specialize in this science of personalities and characters, please say this they say their problem with the personality trait it has benefits, you can traverse the ranks or the leadership brand. So the ranks in your business or, or the corporate world that you might be in, you can get your promotions. The problem with the personality trait is that it all falls apart when push comes to shove. when push comes to shove, the reality of the person immediately comes up and the personality is dissolved. Right.

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Our Sharia teaches us to be people of substance when you travel with a person and traveling this difficulty. So certain realities will present itself. A person's ability to truly tolerate methods comes out.

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A person's ability to be faster for example, comes out what they prefer eating what they don't prefer eating now certain realities become known those realities which are normally hidden. This is the flaw with the personality trait. So Islam matches us to be people of color.

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character, we nurture characters and we present characters we are people of substance that are not shallow.

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And this is clear when we listen to the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam when he says in the La ilaha illa

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Allah Allah,

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Allah can Jamboree in Abu Dhabi Kumar Malika Allah subhanho wa Taala does not look at your outwardness he doesn't judge you based on your appearance.

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However, he judges you based on your deeds and judges you based on your intentions in your heart, Panama, the intention is hidden. The heart is hidden. This is what Allah subhanho wa Taala judges us by you can observe the Salah, but if it's done for somebody else, Allah subhanho wa Taala won't accept the Salah from you. So para la is not a case of you being seen to be observing the Salah. It's the reality of you observing Salah it's the character behind the act, not the personality.

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And what Allah subhanho wa Taala describes the hypocrites. He says the parable with Allah

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will either at home or gym, okay, I've said that when you look at the hypocrites, what amazes you is the appearance

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they show, but they hide the reality this is hypocrisy. When you show something contradictory to what you actually believe, or show somebody something which contradicts what you really are. This is the personality trait versus the character trait. And actually, we want to dive into a character building exercise. But I want you to understand how important the home is that it all starts with the internal and it transcends outwards, it transcends outwards. Now, with this we understand

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how this topic of leadership and how to become married together. Because if you want to be a successful leader, it has to start when everything is hidden, when everything is hidden from the inside from the inside. Now when we talk about a home, especially since this topic has discussed home and leadership, we think of three entities By default, the first entity is a father, and the second entity is the mother. And the third entity is the fruits of that marriage, which are the children. Right. And this is in the Quran. This is in the Quran. And in Surah Yusuf. And

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when we look at the dream of surah Yusuf or in Surah Yusuf, we see use Valley Salaam having seen the sun and the moon and 11 stars,

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right, the sun in the moon and 11 stars. And at the end of the story of use Valley Salah there is an interpretation that happens based on this dream, this dream was interpreted and it was, there's two opinions of them of a zero. But if you take one opinion, which is the minority opinion, but for the purposes of our discussion,

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at the end of the story, we see that the sun represented one of the pillars of the home and the moon represented one of the pillars of the home and the stars represented another pillar of the home, the stars represented the children, the fruits of the marriage, while the sun represented according to the opinion, we want to use the father and the moon represented the mother.

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Right? So this is clear that a home has these entities and these roles should never become confusing. We should never become confusing, every role has specifics. And when we mix and match, like when you go to Marks and Spencers you have mix and match deals right? When you mix and match problems arise and building leaders becomes something difficult. So hon Allah Subhana Allah let's, let's talk a little bit about the dream of this valley Salaam you might have heard it before because I taught it in a course and Mashallah they, they recorded it and cut that particular piece and sent it around. So you might have heard it, but for those who didn't, let's repeat it and it's, it's good

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for this particular discussion, and Hamza, we have the camera recording as well. So people will benefit the after. When we analyze this dream of Yusuf Ali Salam and what it represents. And we compare the Father and the Son, and the mother and the moon and the children and the stars, we understand how important role playing and being diligent with our roles is in the formation of leadership.

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And in the formation of creative leaders of tomorrow, which is our children.

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So when we look at the sun, for example, we see that the sun when it comes out

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brightens everything.

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And as a result, people go to work. And when you go to work, there's earning that takes place.

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And when the sun is out, people feel secure. Right? When do you feel more scared? In the day or at night?

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fathers don't want to answer because the children are here.

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You can still answer inshallah. It's natural. We feel more scared. When do we feel more scared young man? When do you feel more scary? Sorry, at night, right? We feel more scared at night. So when the sun is out, there's a feeling of security.

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The same applies when the father is around. When the father is around, anything takes place. That's his role.

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And when he's around the family feel secure. When do you feel more secure when your father's out at work or when he's at all? When is at home? Mashallah, you have a wonderful accent, Mashallah

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when he's at home, so there's similarities. in the same breath, we have the moon, the moon is serene.

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It has light, but it's not bright and blinding. It's serene, it allows you to look at it and become amazed and appreciate its beauty. Right? Right. And this is the mother in the home. She's pretty and serene, and peaceful. And

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the moon takes its light from the sun.

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Right, the brighter the sun, the brighter the moon.

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The same thing in the home, the more effective the Father, the more effective the mother, when the moon is out the stars out twinkling. When the sun is out, the stars are there, but do you notice them? Do you see them without at the same thing in the home, the children are more with the mother. So Pamela look at the Quran. And the Quran is giving us a sociology lesson for those who ponder and reflect. For those who may reflect this wasn't narrated to us, just for the sake of it, there were lessons in it. And also Allah Subhana. Allah says in Surah, Yusuf

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lapad can be used with what he is this alien in use of and his brothers, there are lessons and signs for those who ask, these are the lessons from solar use.

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So we see, when the moon is out, the stars are out, and they're twinkling. The same thing with the mother in the home, when she's out. And she's effective, the children are happy they jumping around, they always around her right around the father as much as they are around the mother.

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So this is role play, and the importance of everybody looking after their roles. And then we have

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another lesson. And that is in the way of the sun, choosing to play the role of the moon, and the moon choosing to play the role of the sun.

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What happens when both try to play each other's roles, what happens physically, you have something called an eclipse, you have something called an eclipse. And this is the same thing that happens, you know, when the father wants to play the role of the mother. And or in other words, let's not say that because these are shared roles. But when the husband wants to play the role of the wife, and the wife wants to play the role of the husband what happens. You have an eclipse, but it's called the social Eclipse, you have a social Eclipse. And when an eclipse happens, the effect of the Sun is weakened and the effect of the moon is weakened and the stars are nowhere to be seen. The same thing

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in the home. When the social Eclipse happens, the role of the mother is weakened, and the role of the father is weakened, and the children suffer the most. Bella subhana wa Taala protectors mean And may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the understanding. I mean, and May Allah subhanho wa Taala makers diligent with his book.

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So this is a lesson from the Quran with regards to the home and with regards to rows and looking after these rows.

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So let's try and discuss our session together. Looking at these three entities Firstly, we have

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the Father

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we have the father and the father's are looking at me with big eyes at the moment.

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I'll try and be good in Java.

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We have the father

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from understanding the explanation from this ayah in the Quran, we see that the Father has a solid role. The father has a role where he has been given

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The voice of reason amidst confusion, Allah subhanho wa Taala has made the father of the law, he looks after the affairs of his family, so he would have the voice of reason amidst confusion.

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And not that I said reason, not the voice of the Army General. Right, the voice of reason and this confusion.

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Now in defense I know I believe the sisters are here so we must offer the male's defense right? in defense of our brothers.

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We're not being harsh. Instead of being stared and there's a difference between being harsh and being stared many times the female say will lie. My husband is Army General. I say no, perhaps he's just being stared. There's a difference. You taking it as harsh, but there's a difference between the two. And sometimes you need to be standing because then are being stared at the time of being stand is a quality of good leadership and the topic of today's leadership.

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The husband or the father is a voice of reason amidst confusion. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said coo coo,

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coo coo Massaro niandra Yeti, that each and every one of you

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is a shepherd. And each and every one of you is responsible for your flock. You're responsible for your flock, everybody has a position at around them those that are considered to be within this sphere of influence.

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So you are the shepherd of that sphere. You have responsibilities, you have responsibilities, and as I said Allah subhanho wa Taala has made the main

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responsible. Allah subhanho wa Taala has said, Go and fusa Chua Lee Kumara that protect yourself and your family is from the Hellfire Subhan Allah. This is a great responsibility upon a person thinking about marriage. Think about these responsibilities. Because marriage comes with responsibilities. It's not just something which we do in life. It's the way of life we go with the flow. Everybody's getting married.

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Let's get married. everybody's having children. Let's have children know there's responsibilities. You build your agenda based on these responsibilities, and it could be a means of your destruction as well. Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, protect yourself and your families from the Hellfire Subhana Allah This is the role of the Father. This is the role of the husband. This is the voice of reason.

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This is leadership. Are you leaving your ship to its destination? Or are you not?

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Today we find and this is about being stereo minded, but many a time. It could be perhaps because of the environments that we live in the environments that we live in breed such retrogression sometimes, but we find today men, men becoming chases off the ladder. This is a term that's used in leadership chases of the ladder where you are a leader but outside of the home, not in the home. You are a leader where promotions are set, you're looking at climbing the ladder. So you do what you have to do outside though remember we spoke about personality trait versus character trait. personification is being exercised elsewhere. But in reality, it's not who you are. Because if you

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are truly a leader that charity begins at home, so today we find men and as I said, we're not blaming

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men per se, it might be an in my view it is. It is a result of the environment that we live in and lack of focus from ourselves, we tend to ponder less and reflect less Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to be reflector

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and he used to ponder is to go to the cave of Hira and understand reason I miss chaos. The Croatia worshipping idols bearing daughters alive, they were circumambulating the camera while the naked believing this is a bad

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thought the best clothes to use when circumambulating the carpet is no clothes, the clothes which Allah gave you in your skin because everything else is fluff. They have their own weird mechanisms of reasoning.

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And when matters didn't suit the intellect, they will change it. So they changed the deep of Ibrahim Salah instead of standing

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on the day of alpha they would stand at Mr alpha and say well it makes sense because Delphi is from the Hara. And alpha is not considered to be from the Hara. Right alpha is outside of the boundary of the heart. So they would use the intellect and tweet

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The deal.

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So they left the way

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it was set up, never worshipped items. Loaded is accompanied the cabin this way. And according to the scholars who say he did observe Hajj before Islam, because he was taught by Ibrahim alayhis salam, they say, and they have narrations that support the fact that on the day of our values that Allah Subhana, Allah, the voice of reason is to contemplate, he would go to the cave.

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And this is evidence that you are not your environment. And you are not your DNA. You are your core self. The philosophers say you are a product of your environment. And the scientists say you are a product of your DNA.

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Right, you're a product of your DNA. That's what it is. Right? We want to discuss these discussions, but there's something funny that comes to mind. We'll leave it for another time.

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The point that I'm trying to drive home is you are a product of your core self Bahama sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his testimony to this before the Buddha, he wasn't engaged in the practices of his environment.

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He was a product of his core self, and he understood his core self, and we all have inner voices. But today, the outside voices of our technology, and aspirations are so loud, that we cannot hear our inner voice, we need to take time to switch off, we need to take time to switch off, switch off the Facebook, the Twitter and the mobile app, the WhatsApp and everything else that comes with it and ponder and reflect and ponder and reflect. So it's a lack of us having the ability to understand ourselves and the environment that we live in, that has caused us to become these chases of the ladder we lead us but where weight matters, yes, it does matter to be elite outside. But it even

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matters more to be a leader inside are we leaders inside.

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And we have traveled so far down the ladder. Remember we said chasing the ladder chasing the ladder means climbing it. But we have come or become

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in a state so down so low with regards to the ladder, that we have not even

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looked at the macro management of our home.

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We have micro and macro leave aside micro maybe your lifestyle does not allow you to involve yourself in the micromanagement of things. But we so far down the ladder that we've even left

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our concern for the macro. Remember we said Allah says protect yourselves and your families? If you have left both the micro and the macro, what direction are you offering to your home?

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What kind of a leader are you and what type of leaders are you breathing? Are you breathing the progress of tomorrow or the retrogression? So the question we have to ask, just before the break we were discussing the father in the home, the husband in the home and in continuation brothers and sisters, if we look at the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu, alayhi wasallam we see them hamazon Allah alayhi wa sallam, he wasn't involved husband, he wasn't involved husband. Anyone just needs to pick up a book of the Sierra to see how an involved person he was sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And he taught us the dynamics of money marriage. And just the other day in Zimbabwe, they

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asked me to speak about a portion of marriage. And the point that I shared with them that shows how involved are sort of lots of Allah, Allah Allah was when he taught us an important point just from his action is how to be a person that lives within a marriage, as a person involved, not as a person who treats marriage as some form of business transaction, where each party deposits and takes out based on the depositing and taking out of the other part. This is how it should work. And an example of this is how Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam looked after him, the child of Khadija Ravi Allahu Allah. This call is of Terry. And they mentioned that she was married before she married him.

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And she had children from them was him. And he was selling them looked out to him as a father, and not as a husband to this child's mother. The difference is the difference here. He was with the child as a father, even though this wasn't his child, and not with the child as a husband to this child's mother. There's a difference. This is an evolved element in the whole

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And involved entity in the home. All right. So we use that story as evidence to another point. But we can, if we if we try and expound on this particular point further, we see what an informed person he was. He was involved just before the break, we spoke about us having to be people who look after the micro are involved in the micro and macro aspects of the whole. But if life does not permit us, then at least the macro today, how many of us are involved in the macro?

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Right? In the overall ventures of the home? How many of us sit down with our wives with regards to the curriculum of our child?

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How about if I sit down and say, Dad, what's the plan?

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What have you been doing with them? Or what do you aspire with regards to them, and see whether it meets your vision.

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If we have a vision, we told the brothers the other day that it's all about television, sort of our vision anymore. But if you have a vision, then you you work hand in hand you involve if you can't actually engage in the actual teaching the actual micro aspects of running the home then at least in the macro, how many of us sit down with our wives and say, What do you plan to cook for the week, for example,

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on a macro level, so you understand yourself the needs of your wife for that week, and you can benchmark it against your timetable for that week, and be an effective husband in involving her criteria. And timetable in yours, because it's your duty, you are the COA you are responsible for this household, you know, talking about what foods gonna be cooked, this is something minute.

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But we don't even do the minute so how are we going to do the greater which is looking after the actual nurturing of the children and they grow. So we got Menninger, if I can use that term. We right this is a colloquial term, we're not Manning up, we're not playing our part. We must be involved in the education. We must be involved in the upbringing and Subhanallah today many a time. If not, in the majority of circumstances, we are always pointing our finger the madrasa

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at the mowlana at the chef is not teaching our child Well, the Quran is is not up to date, because it's the teacher's fault. The editor and adapt and etiquettes and manners of this child is not up to date, because it's the teacher's fault. I sent him to the Madras and he's not learning anything. No, no common theme of our CDs when you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.

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When you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back at you. Since when did bringing up your child becomes the role of the teacher at the Madras and the Imam of the masjid wait since well.

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And the witch Lord, if this happened,

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it's your job to bring up your child to teach them karate to teach them etiquettes and manners and morals and adapt, and so on and so forth. And it's the teachers and the moms job to compliment your role as a parent not to become a parent and do your job for you.

00:33:10--> 00:33:22

You can't pay a person to to be a parent to your child, you can't. And don't forget the mom or the mowlana or the chair. He has other children with him at the same time.

00:33:23--> 00:33:26

And he has his own children at home that he has to worry about.

00:33:28--> 00:33:44

His job is to complement the school's job in society is to complement our role. It doesn't mean that the school teaches the math that we shouldn't sit and teach our child math and many of us do. We sit down with them. Because it's got to do with the doula.

00:33:46--> 00:33:56

And again the personality. What will my neighbor and friends say if my child doesn't pass, if he doesn't get those a stars, that person's child got a stars we all

00:33:57--> 00:34:08

trying to beat the jokes as they say, personalities, unnecessary stress, we created our homes. Why? Because we're competing with the next person. Sometimes we fail to appreciate

00:34:10--> 00:34:25

this parent of a child that we have in front of us. And the specific characteristics that Allah subhanho wa Taala gave this child because we too busy trying to make our child emulate the neighbor's child or the relatives tract or the inlaws child or the friend's child.

00:34:27--> 00:34:59

It doesn't matter if they didn't get a status. They have qualities which is qualities that that child doesn't have. So our priorities become mixed because we stopped contemplating taking a moment to ponder and think. And thus we stopped being leaders. And we stopped to produce leaders. And we know how difficult the situation is today. If it's difficult for us, how will it be for our children and it is our man upon this map to revive that which requires revival. This is the whole concept of the store making our money

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

It is our duty as a Muslim, when you resize the Shahada, it became your right to be the best to revive.

00:35:09--> 00:35:13

It became your life because this is what Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam did.

00:35:14--> 00:35:51

So it's your right. But today we're not taking our right we want other people to take our rights when other people can bring our children and to be our children's parents. And if we could pay someone to make money for us, we would do so as well. The problem is, if he makes more money than we pay him, he wouldn't work for us. It's common sense. So that doesn't work. And we get the gist of the discussion. Allah subhanho wa Taala gave the father a row and the husband row. And it's important that we are involved in that which Allah subhanho wa Taala has given to us as a role. The role of protecting ourselves and our families from the Hellfire means we have to be involved in some

00:35:51--> 00:36:23

way. We have to sit down with our spouse, we have to sit down with our children. It's important, it's important, we can't have this Do as I say not as I do attitude, it doesn't work. It doesn't work on this level in terms of the responsibility which Allah has given us. And it doesn't work in within the realm of creating leaders. We can't be telling our child to observe Salah but we don't tell them to go observe Salah in the masajid. But we don't, or tell them to have good relations with relatives but we don't make an active effort can't work.

00:36:25--> 00:36:29

Children are imitative, what they see they will become

00:36:32--> 00:36:33


00:36:35--> 00:36:36

Allah, Masha.

00:36:37--> 00:36:56

Allah extracted you from the wombs of your masters, and you knew nothing. And Amar placed our children under our care as parents to teach and educate and nurture if they didn't become that the problem is not that the child is with you. There's a famous story I was telling the brothers of candy.

00:36:59--> 00:37:10

Candy once was at a function. And he asked his child to pick him up from this function at a specific time that this child went to the movie house to watch a movie.

00:37:12--> 00:37:14

And someone saw this child there.

00:37:15--> 00:37:23

And this is long time ago, a long time ago. So what this person did after the movie ended, he went to the payphone and found candy and said I saw your son at the movie house.

00:37:24--> 00:37:25


00:37:26--> 00:37:33

Let's not talk about that. That's another sickness society, a lot of us that have to be active and proactive. Right?

00:37:35--> 00:37:37

So anyway, the sun got to his father late.

00:37:39--> 00:37:44

And his father asked him where were you? Why were you late? So he says I had a breakdown.

00:37:45--> 00:38:05

It's perceivable. It's something which makes sense. The father said uncle so and so called me and said that you but this movie? Is it true or isn't it true? So he was caught out. So he says it's true. So Gandhi, look, he says, He wept. He was upset. He wept and he was upset. And he said,

00:38:06--> 00:38:20

Today, I have to punish myself. Because I didn't do my job as a parent. My whole life. I tried to teach you honesty. But today I've seen that it wasn't successful. Thus today, I will walk home.

00:38:23--> 00:38:39

Walking that walk and talking the talk, not saying somebody else must teach my child how to be honest. It is our walk home and it was a long distance. And he walked at the center of behind the begging his father to get into the guy says no, I have to punish myself for not doing my job.

00:38:42--> 00:38:48

And he gets home tired, collapses, dehydrated.

00:38:50--> 00:38:53

And the son says from that day onwards, I never told a lie.

00:38:54--> 00:39:12

You see when you when you're a leader, and you lead your leadership within the generation that comes after you this is doing your job. And Gandhi was freeing India from apartheid. Nobody can say well, he had time we don't have time. You know we have to work.

00:39:13--> 00:39:18

He was fleeing India from a paddy. He also didn't have time, but you make time

00:39:20--> 00:39:45

you understand your responsibilities and priorities. So this is important. This is important. We must do as we say this is from being a leader brothers and sisters, and is from nurturing leadership within our children, children they imitate they imitative by nature. We see how they copy things that they see on the television. Right? This is common sense. I mean today, why would

00:39:47--> 00:39:57

a cereal company for example, pay millions to a footballer for this footballer to give them permission for his face to be on the cereal box. Why? Why is this the case?

00:39:58--> 00:39:59

ponder and think

00:40:00--> 00:40:21

Who eats the cereals, these sugary cereals the children, but they know that these children like to imitate. If they see that that superstar is eating this cereal, they will want to eat it irrespective of how good it is or how bad it is, when they see that this image is here they want to imitate that guy is cool. And he eats the cereal we want to be cooler.

00:40:23--> 00:40:25

Right? So they imitate, they imitate.

00:40:27--> 00:40:49

Now, now you've understood that when a company wants to market their product, they first go to a psychologist, they don't go to the marketing company. As a psychologist, how does it work? How can I sell the sugary cereal market company will say you see these children they like round figures if you seen the cartoons, the round figures are the goodies. And the square figures are the baddies.

00:40:50--> 00:41:05

So Pamela, we've seen so much in the world today that we've gone past baddies, we've got matches now they met luckily had cartoons, this not the baddies face. So what you need to do is come up with a roundish figure, like a tiger or something.

00:41:06--> 00:41:17

Right? And then make this the representative of this product. And what do we do as parents and hamdulillah. We don't have time. And we love our children. So we buy them the television.

00:41:18--> 00:41:58

We don't want them to be bought, we want we we work for them. This is why we go to work to buy them the 32 inch television, and then it's 52 inch and then it's something else. Sometimes we need to rebuild the walls in our house because the TVs are getting bigger than the worlds they can fit. Right. So what happens now is we bought them the TV and our child is there in front of the TVs occupied. So he sees this bigger dream. Oh cool things jetski. And after he finishes jet skiing, he's got his bowl of whatever this product is. type. So it's done. Your child is so your child has become a consumer. before they even knew how to earn money. They learned how to spend it. Before

00:41:58--> 00:42:26

they learned how to make it. They learned how to spend it. So then you go to the supermarket. And what happens now they say right now what you have to do is this product, you have to put it on the lower shelves, not on the higher shelves, because these people they hide these children, the height is about this high. So when they walk next to the mothers thing to look to the right and the left and see this stuff. If it's too high, they won't just start the day I was reading that now supermarkets are going to charge you based on the shelf that you want your product on. makes a difference, right panela?

00:42:28--> 00:42:28


00:42:31--> 00:42:33

They know everything about the dunya.

00:42:34--> 00:42:36

But with regards to the Oblivion,

00:42:38--> 00:43:05

so your child goes to the supermarket and he sees this box and he sees this figure and he says, Mommy, I want to eat this. It doesn't know what it is. Or she doesn't know what what it is. But she knows it's cool to do so it excites them to do so. And actually have they imitate the message is they imitate what you do, they will imitate? How many times have we seen our young child growing up to get to the age of two, two and a half and they're doing things and you think Subhanallah I can see myself

00:43:06--> 00:43:49

exactly like the spice and Abdullah was when he got to when he was growing up Subhan Allah He will do certain things. And I say to myself, La ilaha illa Allah that just looks like me. And my di will say Yes, he's coffee. That's exactly what you do. You know, sitting style, resting style, so on and so forth. They copy they imitate, after all UI everything in their life. So my way or the highway does not work. my way or the highway does not work. Do as I say and not as I do does not work. If you want to teach them to be a person of Adam. If you want to teach them good manners be a person of good manners. If you want to teach them to be a person of luck, if you want to teach them to be

00:43:50--> 00:44:06

selfless people that worry about the community that are concerned about the message and the affairs of the masjid and get involved become that person and you will see by default, they will start becoming that because through action, you've taught them that we should be Beloved.

00:44:07--> 00:44:12

We've taught them that we should be Beloved. When they see you giving charity they will give charity.

00:44:14--> 00:44:18

We have also heard of Alexander's the understanding now so

00:44:20--> 00:44:37

we get the idea. Right? Not the idea behind me here. That's another idea Islamic development encourage action we get the idea the light bulb in our head insha Allah by I think we've discussed enough the fathers and the husbands let's go to the mothers.

00:44:39--> 00:44:43

Let's go to our mothers and our wives.

00:44:45--> 00:44:55

What can we say about our mothers and why? We like the moon serene, beautiful to look at. We don't want to say much. We don't want to say much because this gloomy faces why you guys

00:44:57--> 00:44:58

gloomy at the moment

00:44:59--> 00:45:00

has a lot

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

bout switched on in our heads.

00:45:03--> 00:45:18

Don't lose hope the mercy of Allah Don't lose hope in the mercy of our sisters are behind. So we won't say anything that makes them gloomy inshallah, we'll format the discussion in a in a different way. Our mothers are entities of the home, as we've seen from the ayah in Surah, Yusuf.

00:45:20--> 00:45:36

And our wives, our mothers have a great role to play in developing leaders. In fact, they are leaders themselves. And we'll come to that. Now today's society, in many circumstances in way, tries to take away the beauty from the name mother.

00:45:37--> 00:45:53

And take away the beauty from the term housewife don't say housewife, it sounds sounds off that we would have to engineer the name now and say, You know what? No, it's not called housewives, it's called domestic engineer. It's a different title to this profession, right?

00:45:54--> 00:46:44

I have a different title treat as well. And that is the title of tablets. mothers and wives are true tablets. What's the term? This term was coined by Stephen Covey. I'm just evolving the usage of the term, a term tebah is the small rudder on the ship that turns which makes the bigger rudder on the ship turn, which makes the whole ship tab, Panama halala. Imagine this who wants to be an accountant out there in the corporate world, when you can be a truth teller, who wants to be out there in the corporate world, doing any profession when you can be a trim tab. Now, I'm not putting down the importance of educating ourselves as females. And being able to carry society This is important. But

00:46:44--> 00:46:54

I'm saying don't do it at the expense of the greater and the more important. The travesty is when we do that at the expense of the greater.

00:46:55--> 00:47:19

That's the travesty. We're not saying don't do it. We say yes, do it. But don't do it at the expense of that which is more important. It doesn't mean society said is less important than it that it's less important. The Sharia came to sit down right from wrong, right from wrong. It doesn't matter what society thinks. Yes, you strange. As I told the brothers the other day, why not? We should be strange people.

00:47:20--> 00:47:55

Islam began strange. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said for to Berlin ahora glad tidings to the strange people. You must be strange. A strange one is somebody who's who's doing something that's not the Status Kill the norm of society. Now we're not saying that everything strange is good. But I'm saying when you follow the Sharia, that becomes strange. You should be happy. You should be happy. You reviver you've revived something. So our mothers and wives they shouldn't happens. They are the small rudder that turns the big rudder that turns the entire ship.

00:47:58--> 00:48:09

The moms had mothers and they were the means of them becoming leaders. Mr. Malik, did you not take him to his teacher and say, a liberal adult teach him

00:48:10--> 00:48:18

to unlivable and look at the advice of a mother that's a leader and she created a leader, Imam, Dr. Alicia Evonik.

00:48:21--> 00:48:22

hanifa had a mother

00:48:23--> 00:48:24

had a mother

00:48:26--> 00:48:27

and the mother,

00:48:29--> 00:48:39

the giants, upon whose shoulders we are trying to walk, we can't say we walk we trying to work on the shoulders. These giants have manners, La ilaha illAllah.

00:48:41--> 00:49:24

You see how important it is? They were the core and the epicenter behind them becoming leaders. And they were the ships that turn the world's direction. But you see how that shift feeds or other you don't see that every day and how they address the needs another other today, it's there. So my dear brothers and sisters, you are true. tablets, you are trim tablets now. Our brothers on the line have the natural leaders, the natural leaders as I said, I'm gonna I'm gonna try and speak about this in a way that makes our sister smile. hamdulillah because women are softer than males can take a bit of a knock, right? Our mothers are natural leaders. Think about it. If we ponder if we sit back now and

00:49:24--> 00:49:26

think of our mothers, what do we think about?

00:49:27--> 00:49:51

We think about Subhanallah how they had vision all the time, all the time. Right? They would juggle 101 household chores. You wake up in the morning, it's getting the kids ready for school, getting the husband's breakfast ready, making sure his clothes are high and making sure the kids uniform is there making sure the right books for the right subjects are in the bag so you don't go to school and it's science and you got a math book instead of a science book.

00:49:52--> 00:49:56

Is this not true? They juggling 101 things. But

00:49:57--> 00:49:59

tomorrow, what they're doing today

00:50:00--> 00:50:27

matches what they want to achieve tomorrow. And what they did tomorrow match what they wanted to achieve. The next day. They never got lost, amazing visionaries, amazing visionaries, that in doing 101 things, they never lost sight of the goal. They never lost sight of the goal. This is a visionary. This is the first quality of leadership. They say a leader has to be a visionary, because our vision was no way they want to get to. This is our mothers.

00:50:30--> 00:50:32

Our mothers, they,

00:50:33--> 00:50:53

when we ponder when we fund our everything that they are, and that they were, if they passed away, we ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant them, graves which are goddess from the goddess of gender. And if they are alive, then we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to preserve them in his obedience. And if you're not a mother yet We ask Allah to make your mother soon.

00:50:55--> 00:51:04

mean Aeroplan, I mean, so we see that they have an amazing ability to exercise patience is another leadership quality.

00:51:05--> 00:51:30

They would exercise patience, in juggling all these activities. In dealing with the different natures of the child. One child is upset one child is crying. One child is sulking. One child is happy, dealing with all these personalities from morning till evening, and still meeting a husband with a smiley face. What amazing patience. And she wakes up the next day to do it again. So don't be alarmed. It was not the case

00:51:31--> 00:51:44

is done tomorrow. That's it. I've retired, never would retire. The mother's right till the end. So Pamela, even if you're 50 years old, or 60 years old, the mother still sees you as a child.

00:51:45--> 00:52:01

If you came home and told your mother, for example, that look, today, I got this use a look at it. You might be a 50 year old man, but you'd say just look after it because to her, you still have a child. So they have this amazing ability to be patient. This is a mother is rolling down.

00:52:02--> 00:52:43

Right? So what have we taught our sister so far, they need to be visionaries, they need to be patient. But we teaching it in a different way, discussing our mothers and how they were. This is the qualities of the female, we discussed what the qualities of the male should be in the home, to exacerbate leadership in the home. And the presence of it. These are mothers, they are patient, also our mothers, they had amazing abilities to make herself sufficient. This is what a leader does. A leader never ever leads their team in such a way that they only dependent on them. They always lead it in a way that they become leaders in and of themselves in the tasks that they do this whole

00:52:43--> 00:53:21

concept of taking ownership, taking ownership over the status that did not make us clean our rooms when we got to the age. They came in for us when we couldn't pick up things but as soon as we could, they taught us to pick it up. And if we didn't, there was a naughty corner. Right. So they taught us self sufficiency, a mother should have this quality, to teach the child to be self sufficient. This is from the qualities of being a leader and from the qualities of making someone a leader. When you're a visionary, you make them a visionary. When you patient, you give them the quality of patience. When

00:53:22--> 00:53:40

you when you introduce in their lives the concept of self sufficiency, they will take it to the next level when they go when they traverse throughout their lives, but you've taught it to them. So our mothers have this amazing ability to teach us how to be self sufficient, our mothers inspired us.

00:53:41--> 00:53:47

This is from the qualities of a leader. They were inspired. They taught us inspiration

00:53:48--> 00:53:56

and the qualities of being an inspired individual, so they will lead us and they have nurtured us to become leaders.

00:53:57--> 00:54:06

Allah subhanho wa Taala granted the highest paradises, I mean, they taught us how to inspire others, we know this, we know this, that

00:54:07--> 00:54:38

they would always teach us to take the higher ground, a father might say, you know what, if somebody is bullying, you bully him back when the mother said no, you should, you should behave in this particular manner. If you behave in an in a different manner, you should try and defuse the situation this way. They always taught us to be inspirational how to inspire others, that don't tell the same path as the next person. If a person is telling the low path, don't follow the low path. Show them the Haifa don't go down to their level bring them up to your level not so quality of the female in the home.

00:54:39--> 00:54:40

Again, that was

00:54:41--> 00:54:45

the highest paradises. So a leader should know how to inspire others. This is a mother.

00:54:46--> 00:55:00

This is a mother. So the man has his roles, and the female has heroes. But as parents by default, there has to be joint rows. There has to be joint roles and this is what I want to discuss with you all before

00:55:00--> 00:55:03

We had our discussion for the remainder of our

00:55:04--> 00:55:09

talk today. We can go on and on about this Pamela but we tried to just,

00:55:10--> 00:55:24

you know, being a leader yourself and creating a lead is not going to come from this talk, but inshallah we have something to think about. As a father, we have something to think about. As a mother, we have something to think about. Are we as well as

00:55:25--> 00:55:47

people are vision, visionaries? Are we patient? are we teaching our children inspiration? are we teaching them self sufficiency. And obviously, there's many, many more roles that we can talk about, because a mother is the epicenter of the hope. Right, and inshallah Allah will bring us together. So we can talk about parenting.

00:55:49--> 00:55:55

I mean, our brothers and sisters as parents together, as parents together,

00:55:57--> 00:56:07

we need to become people that are in touch with our children. And this happens in many ways. Firstly, by taking time to know our children really know them, but know their name.

00:56:09--> 00:56:13

Right? know them. Each child is unique in the character.

00:56:15--> 00:56:25

Each child is unique in how Allah has engineered them. The unique some children are naturally introverts, some are naturally extroverts.

00:56:27--> 00:57:08

Some are naturally perceivers. While others are naturally sensory, everyone is different. You as a mother and father need to take our time to understand your child, you can't paint each child with the same paintbrush, you can't. But this child started walking at this age. So this child was not walking on the side he's not working there's a problem with him, quote, called NHS make an appointment we need to this child spoke at this age, this child is that there's a wish killer here. Or if the first child was late in speaking and the second one was quicker, you see a brother younger brothers cleverer than you, right? It doesn't work like this. Each child has their own amazing

00:57:08--> 00:57:20

attributes take our time to learn this special unique character. So you as a parent can evolve these characters and make it better. If your child is naturally an extrovert, if you understand this,

00:57:22--> 00:57:23

and are diligent in the upbringing.

00:57:25--> 00:57:33

That same extrovert that actually can become a proud and arrogant person, you can make them a humble person.

00:57:34--> 00:57:57

Proud, not arrogant, proud of who they are proud of the religion they have proud of us parents and what you shared with them. But humbling that they appreciate the quality that they've been given. But if we leave this child to run wild, they will know and it's not their fault. They were never meant to know. It is as if they told us when they were born, my dear mother and father, I know nothing.

00:57:58--> 00:58:04

And I never have any opportunity to pick my parents. And even if I did, I wouldn't know how to

00:58:06--> 00:58:12

Allah has been your K. do right by this is basically do right by me.

00:58:14--> 00:58:24

This is what our children are telling us. So take our time to learn them, their personalities, understand them, and nurture them appropriately. Some children you can be stellar.

00:58:26--> 00:58:32

And it will be for the better than others. You can be Stern, and it will be to their disadvantage. Not so

00:58:34--> 00:58:48

we learned the hard way, isn't it? Some are smiling because they learned the hard way pet parenting is not you know, when we go to school, they say trial and error. Let's have one child, let's try. We fail call us back to the drawing board. The next one, we fail call us back to the drawing board.

00:58:50--> 00:59:02

It doesn't work like this doesn't work like this. Right? So understand them and understand how to be with them. As I said, Some children you stern it helps if you're not Stern, it breeds a progression in their lives.

00:59:03--> 00:59:10

Some no you have to be softer, more caring. What's the word they use? sensitive got to be more sensitive

00:59:11--> 00:59:35

to their needs. And that's from you being a parent who said parenting was easy. It's not Allah subhanho wa Taala made it a means of you owning your agenda. So it requires effort. We told our brothers yesterday that reward is directly proportional to effort exerted. This is a management principle. reward is directly proportional to effort.

00:59:36--> 00:59:48

If ally is going to reward you and make your agenda more beautiful, and make your skills of good deeds go heavy on the deal. If this is the prize for you being a parent, it means it requires effort.

00:59:49--> 00:59:52

This is what it means and Al Jazeera emergency.

00:59:54--> 01:00:00

Al Jazeera minjin Sullivan the reward is based on the effort on the work and you will be rewarded for

01:00:00--> 01:00:21

into that, so taking our time. And this is the beauty of Islam. This is the beauty of Western what we're talking about here is not something which is the Who has time for this, how can we can say this, who has time for this to lead, and I will stop now overthinking my child who has titled this will lie You should have time for it. Having time for it could mean that big pile is made out of diamonds in general for you.

01:00:22--> 01:00:28

When you look at life with the lens of a man and the lens of Islam, and based on the

01:00:29--> 01:00:37

hammer sallallahu alayhi wasallam, you realize that as a Muslim, every little thing becomes a bad worship.

01:00:38--> 01:00:55

Because worship is everything that is beloved to Allah subhanho wa Taala, in speech, in actions and in belief, even how you want to be diligent with your children is this word beloved to Allah. This is a bad and if it's a bad day, it's a means of genda.

01:00:58--> 01:01:04

I was telling the brothers the other day when you go to work, you can make it any better. If you make it for the sake of Allah.

01:01:05--> 01:01:42

If you make it for the sake of Allah, a day will never come in your life. Or you say, well, life is what depresses me. How can you be from morning till night you're building genda? Can this be depressing? Now you want became a means of building your education. If you tied it in a way and made it for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala it becomes how can you be depressed going to school? When you go to school, you won't be telling everybody I'm going to school you say I'm going to build gender. When you go to work, I'm going to build gender paradigm shifting. People will say you strange Yes. Be strange. That's a good strange, sort of weird, strange. That's a good strange. So as

01:01:42--> 01:02:12

parents take out this time, take out this time, because each child is engineered in their specific way. It's your job to figure it out. It's your job to figure it out. And Allah subhanho wa Taala will reward you and remember the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that when a person dies, there's no way of earning rewards except one of three ways, except in one of three ways. And one of those three ways is leaving behind a pious child who makes do out for his parents.

01:02:13--> 01:02:23

You get to try and see how gem solid CRM and so many good things in this era, but I didn't do this. And Allah will say it was you did.

01:02:24--> 01:02:31

Because you brought up your child the right way. This was the price after you they may do it for you. So we blessed you with this spot, Allah.

01:02:32--> 01:02:37

Allah make us from those that see what our skills of good deeds of the day of care.

01:02:38--> 01:02:45

So what's number one, as parents take time to know your child number two, take time to show them right from wrong.

01:02:46--> 01:02:57

And again, not my way of the highway kind of business. Right? Take time, which means in practice, walk the talk in practice.

01:02:59--> 01:03:02

Don't just say Coke is bad for you while sipping a nice cold coke.

01:03:04--> 01:03:08

And nowadays, the parents say well, we can put the coke in the coffee mug so they think we drinking tea.

01:03:10--> 01:03:15

Luckily, me personally, I don't encourage drinking Coke, I don't think it's good for you or your children. And

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that's just an example. Teach them right from wrong. Share with them your experiences, that's the best way and share with them the experiences of your parents that they taught you and experiences of others that you know Subhanallah when I was growing up, I was fortunate my dad used to always talk to me and still does.

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No matter how many qualifications I can get. He's still the most qualified, because he has a degree from the University of life as he tells me rightly so.

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We have degrees from the universities of academia, he has the University of life. He always used to talk to me tell me things, things which I knew things which I didn't know things which he told me you tell me again Subhan Allah, and he will tell me that if he listened to me, he will live in

01:04:04--> 01:04:05


01:04:06--> 01:04:18

And if you don't, you might end up in regrets. And it might be that I will be by grave by Allah preserve him. It allows obedience. He's alive, have you the law. And I have the opportunity to tell him that you told me this, I benefited from that.

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He used to tell me I shared this with the brothers in less towns, because the first time I said these are personal things, but he used to tell me for the sake of our gathering and breathing benefits. He should tell me my dear son,

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you and me in this world is like us

01:04:38--> 01:04:38

on a journey Are

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you in a vehicle and I'm in a vehicle? The only difference between us is that I started my journey 25 or 30 years before you

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and you started your journey.

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But as a father, I love you. So I made sure I found the telephone and I called you from 30 years ahead

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and I said

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You know what? You're coming on the journey.

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After so many kilometres, there's a dusty road, ensure you fit the right tires before you get on that road. I didn't, I had all sorts of problems that I was delayed.

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After so many more kilometres, it's not safe, make sure you keep your doors locked. I did it. And I faced so many delights. After so many kilometres, there's a checkpoint measure you driving at the right speed. I didn't. And I faced so many delights. After so many kilometers.

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There was an oil spill, the road is slippery. Be careful, slow down, put on your hazards. I did it. And I faced so many delays. In any case, in 30 years, this is where I've reached. And I've shared with you advice to make your journey more smoother. If you listen to me my DSM, you will get to where I am. In probably five years, it took me 30 you will probably get a five and you will have another 25 years to build on.

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What I only achieved you could surpass it by 25 years.

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And if you don't, don't think he will reach the 30 year mark with the experiences of 30 years, because my caliber is different to caliber, I face the problems, but my abilities to handle them are not the same as your abilities to handle them.

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It might have taken me three years to recover from this mess, it will take you five, it might have taken me eight years to recover from this mess, it will take you 10 so at the 30 year mark, you would not have achieved what I achieved. So Pamela, look at this beautiful as an analogy, ALLAH

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hafiz Allah.

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It's beautiful. Isn't this what it's all about? We share experiences, we teach our children through experiences. I was telling the brothers today one of the brothers was saying I want to leave my degree I said, Look, you've done so much.

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Continue. And I shared with him that advice because of my dad. Right that we finish a period of our study. And we say that now we want to live blessed Alhamdulillah Allah blesses Delica formula UTP. So some people are blessed to study and be able to be involved in the DAO in ways. Others can only be involved in one Allah can help you get to a stage that you've been in university for so long, and you can't become a professional student. As they say, every time you finish something, you're starting something else, there's bigger fish to fry. And I've spent a long time in the academic system. And it was my intention to leave. But my dad left with me words of advice, which I took at

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wholesale value, immediately at face value without even trying to think about it further. He says, Look, you've done 800 kilometres in the Institute, and you have the opportunity to finish the other 200 and make it 1000 if you decide to leave

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for that, that's your decision. But my advice to you is, at least leave the door open to go back at least do that part leave but leave this part. This is from his experience, because it is like there must have been something that he left without leaving the door open to go back. And when he wanted to go back it was shut. This is experience from our fathers. So message for the young ones sitting here isn't it

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was listen to our parents, we should take the advice they have the University of life, you might know that one, one plus one equals two. But they know other things which the school will never teach you.

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We also partner with Allah preserve our parents in his obedience, and shadow His divine mercy upon them if they passed away, and make their graves gardens from the gardens of gentlemen, and grant them the highest genette the highest places in in Paradise and gather us with them. I mean, I mean, I mean, so we should take time to show them right from wrong. We should share our experiences and the experiences of others and build their capacities, their maturity, we should take time for that. The next responsibility within the remit of mother and father as parents together is to allow our children to feel responsibilities

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within the capacities.

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Allow them to feel the weight of responsibility, allow them to get things right themselves and get things wrong themselves and feel the weight of making a mistake. We shouldn't mother them all the time as it said. Sometimes they've reached a capacity of responsibility. It's your job to make them leaders of tomorrow to allow them to feel the weight at least under your care and guidance to allow them to feel it

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shouldn't be a case where your child is old enough to do something and the father is still doing it.

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You offloading your vehicle the father is offloading the vehicle as the sun is set.

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We still want to keep them in a diamond box. Don't dare to close, don't worry, your time will come tomorrow, we still will break our back doing it that gives them the weight of responsibility.

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Tell them now it's passed on to you. This is your department when you travel, give them some responsibility. Don't give them the responsibility of the passports it might be a disaster. But there are certain responsibilities you can give them. You don't have to carry everything as the parents. So your responsibilities in doing account, some families martial lights, a football team. So you can't make sure the kids are moving together. No one's left behind. Right, Home Alone three, or four by Viola Callahan, we need to let them understand responsibility. And when they make a mistake, teach them that the problem is not in making the mistake. The problem is not learning from

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the mistake. Because we are weak, we are prone to error. Teach them this. So when they grow up and they make mistakes, they are leaders they grow from these mistakes, they don't become insignificant it happens sometimes a child makes one mistake.

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Or in their life, they make a mistake and you don't hear from this person again.

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It sends them into a spiral of depression and loss of confidence. Right? Teach your children this as parents. We said teach them right and wrong and make them feel responsibility. We have this example from iacobelli Salam iacobelli salam, Yusuf Alayhi Salam was taken away from him at a very young age, a very young age.

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But we see our family, he said, I'm teaching this child

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as if this child is an adult in our terms, he was teaching this child as if this child was a child. And this is what the child had to know. So Pamela, used to run a salon when he had this dream. He was confused. He went to his father. Again, who his father, that's the first that's my hero. My father's the leader. That's my hero. I want to be like him. He goes to his father, it says, I've seen this dream. It confuses me.

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He doesn't say this is a kid six years old, five years old, seven years old. Now he tells him Do not relay this dream to your brothers.

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For they will plot against you. Now who tell their six year old kid this?

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Who who's gonna put up their hands? Nobody would say is too young to know. DeVito worry about it. No. He told him.

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And look how he told him. Our parenting attitude is do and don't do if I

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say go to everyone. I think I did. I did this as part of my parenting talk. I think it was in Leeds. I shared this example with them. If

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we were good at giving commands and prohibitions, right, sit here, don't sit there. Eat. Don't wear your hat. Don't blame the sun, go to school, go to sleep. But we have explained why.

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It's as if they are servants.

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They are children jacoba salaam says don't tell you a dream to your brothers. Did he stop there? No. He said less they plot against you is explaining to his child. Growing up his child, nurturing his child giving his child his feeling of responsibility. He's at the age less they shall propagates to you. But then Subhanallah because he continues to parent this child. He knows that this child will be confused. How can my father tell me that my blood will have me This doesn't make sense. So he continues to teach his child tau d tau g as they call it. You have an mo metallian the Moto G right in the books of Tobia. You command to something you explain why? Another study you offer further

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guidance? What does he say? In the Chopin insomnia movie that my dear son, don't be afraid if they happen to do something. It's not their fault. It's the fault of Shiva. Shiva is

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a great enemy to mankind. How many of us, teach our child aboard ship.

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So yaku teaches us of this amazing lesson. And they approve as a prophet knows that this dream means my son is going to go through difficulty, amazing difficulty, years of difficulty. So immediately he takes the opportunity to teach this child the lessons of life. The Golden lessons he says work as early

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as panela.

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He tells his child My dear child, and this is how Allah has chosen you and will teach you that revelation

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and according to some of them facilitate the ability to interpret dreams. And this is how Allah is going to complete his favor upon you.

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He completed his favours upon your forefathers, Ibrahima his hack to penalize teaching this young boy, that young boy if you if you find yourself in the bottom of well, don't be display allies with you this is a lack of reading his favor upon you. If strange men take you and take you to a foreign land, don't be scared. Allah is aware. And this is how Allah is completing his famous or for you, when a strange minister from Egypt will bite you and put you in a house of shake. Don't lose your values and don't be afraid. Remember the lessons of your father and understand that Allah knows where you are, and Allah is completing his favor for you. When you are

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tricked into Zina. Remember your duties. Remember your parental lessons given to you from your father, and remember that Allah is watching you. And remember, this is how I was completing his favors upon you, when you thrown into prison, and forgotten about for years know that Allah hasn't forgotten about you. And this is how Allah is competing is famous upon you. So Pamela, this is a young boy, the scholars of the scene say it was around seven when he was abducted. So he was cut from his father's golden advice from that age. But look at this man. everywhere he went, he was defined as a good person in Morocco.

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How many times do you find this I, everyone is giving testimony that he we see you from the good doers. When he's in prison. He's giving power to Allah subhanho wa Taala into hate. After living for years, the peak years of his life, the teads in a house of schilke. In a house of no morals, he comes out to be Pamela What a beautiful person outwardly and inwardly, when he's tricked into Xena, he says

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when he's locked in a room, and there's nobody but he meant he remembers what his father said that Allah knows where you are. And this is how Allah is completing his favor upon you. So he says,

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I seek refuge in Allah

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subhanaw taala. And then when he's reunited with his brothers, and he says and exclaims that Allah was good to be a progeny minister, when Allah took me out of the prison.

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And he brought my family from the deserts.

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Afterward, what aftershave balm cause the enmity between me and my brothers who taught him that?

01:17:34--> 01:17:35

Who taught him that

01:17:37--> 01:17:37


01:17:40--> 01:17:56

who taught him that his father, when when he was an infant, look at him, he's telling his father at meeting him. aftershave balm caused enmity between me and my brothers taught him that that if they do it, it's a fact it's not them.

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What an amazing look at this tarbiyah Look at this. This is the reality of being a parent of sevens of Allied or children of Adam, Allah subhanho wa Taala granted the understand. So teach our children from the joint parental qualities, I don't know how much time I have left

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10 minutes here.

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This is the last thing I'll say, from the joint role as mother and father is teaching your children how to use their abilities.

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Today, we find

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a scary tract. And that is the trend of our children having every piece of dunya with them that you can think of. We spoke about the television earlier it transcends that realm into games and the latest games and so on and so forth.

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And mobile phones and everything else. How do I travel to one country?

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I was with a group of young boys and honestly I'm saying young boys eight years old, seven years old, nine years old, six year old boys. And I pulled out my mobile phone

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so the point is all Mashallah you have this phone.

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He pulls out his phone, which is even higher version than my

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seven year old boy Mashallah. Right? What does it become brothers and sisters?

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Think and don't be a blind follower. Think? What are the harms in me passing this radioactive device to a kid. And then busying this kid with WhatsApp, he's gonna grow up tomorrow to be a person who doesn't like to socialize with anybody. The first thing he does in the day is pull out his phone and socialize via his phone. And the last thing he does at night is the same thing

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isn't healthy to their growth and development.

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But that's one point. If you have to give them something, teach them how to use it. Teach them that there's limits to the usage of certain things, teach them that there's a time and place

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To use certain things

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my dad used to tell me and he says his dad used to tell him that if somebody gives you a golden shoe, where will you put it?

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on your head on your foot?

01:20:13--> 01:20:14


01:20:15--> 01:20:16

we thinking,

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it's a shoe is a shoe go on your foot, doesn't matter if it's gold, it's the place where the shoe is the foot of the head.

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Right? So the same applies, there's a time and place for everything. We need to teach this to our children. We have to, we have to teach it to our children, how to use it. We gave them a car but didn't teach them about the importance of going to the masjid.

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And picking up people along the way when going to the masjid. We just gave it to them. You have ages your freedom token Allah. And then when you find when you found them at the Disco, you're knocking on the door of the ship.

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We gave them money we didn't tell them how to spend it. And then when you find that earlier, the beloved taking illegal substances were knocking the door off the shelf, I have a problem.

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We gave them amenities but we never taught them how to use it. We gave them

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audio devices. And then we found them after some time listening to music. And now we are up in arms and we screaming at them and we grounding them

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and we making the situation even worse whenever Bellamy Coca Cola to protect that these are realities brothers and sisters, these are questions that come in.

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are we creating leaders?

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Are we leaders?

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Have we

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understood that leadership

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begins at home? These are the questions we need to answer brothers and sisters. These are the questions.

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So the aim is not to, you know, come here and issue first class tickets to the hellfire. I know a lot of people are sad looking sad. Smile, it helps me smile. It's assumed that to smile. The aim brothers and sisters is not to become depressed or to feel that we are headed for destruction and disaster. Now, as I told the brothers yesterday in Cardiff that Allah subhanho wa Taala is the most forgiving, the Most Merciful. And as I said earlier, the issue is not in making a mistake. It's not learning from it and rectify ourselves in being leaders from that particular point. rectifying a mistake is from being a leader.

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This is what it is.

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So don't cry about what has passed, contemplate over it, learn from it, and now rectify it in the time that we have before we return to Allah subhanho wa Taala I pray to come to this community in the future. And see these young gentlemen here and our young ladies,

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leaders of this community, a thriving community, a community of leadership, and activists and proactiveness a community that through action is converting the non Muslims to Islam, because they see Islam walking in and around them.

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Islam shouldn't be something brothers and sisters in books that we read, and on video cameras, and YouTube and CDs it shouldn't be this. Islam is not just in books. Islam is a way of life. It shouldn't be seen in the Muslims.

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Islam should be walking across every face of the Earth that a Muslim is let us be Muslims. Let us claim our right to be revivals that has been the best for this what I'm most proud of what Allah decreed for us. When we say la ilaha illa Allah, Muhammad Rasul Allah, Allah for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala everything correct said is from Allah subhanho wa Taala is perfect. And any mistakes are from myself and Shere Khan and I seek Allah subhanho wa Taala as forgiveness of Allah Allah sallallahu wasallam o

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le wa sahbihi salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.