Channel: Said Rageah
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as of the boss design, l'affaire. And may Allah reward him announced, you mentioned the title of the talk is happily ever after.
And I know it sounds romantic, it sounds you know, appealing. It sounds very beautiful.
The fact of the matter is nowadays, a lot of young people what happens with them is they get married today, or they get to know each other today. They get married tomorrow, in the next day or the day before or a month later, they are divorced.
And all of that is because the myth of happily ever after that we watch or they watch through shows and TVs and so on.
I can only speak based on my environment, my city
in the city that I live
the record for the sisters and the brothers who got divorce was a month, one month and hamdulillah we're doing well.
Two of the sisters that came forward.
They got divorced after one month.
And the husbands will love them. No, they love the husbands.
So I we asked, because we were dealing with one of the situation one of the situation we ask why only one month it's not a year, not two, it's not 10 is only one month.
You know what she told us? She said he lied to me bamboo he shed,
of course, and never use a lot more and he was selling this twice lying. And we would be talking about the importance of trusting one another and being truthful with one another.
I asked and I say what did he lie about? Was it something major that if we can rectify the situation, we do something about perhaps he can retract and he can take back what he
Did or set or set and then we can move on with this marriage. She said no mid lesson on karma. He said is done. I can never come back from this.
I said what did he do? She said the Messenger of Allah and Allah both of them said Ben to one hour on line is not acceptable and is haram. I said what did he do? She said he snores have a cable. What do you want to shake into?
The lie he snores at night, and he never told me.
She divorced her husband because a night he snores.
I said, Did he do anything else? Does he have other five wives that you don't know about? No. Does he have 20? Other kids? No. So you divorce this man? Because we'll hold the heat he snores at night? She said yes.
Now, if I ask you
as mature young ladies,
is that a valid reason?
Number one, a lot of us a lot of guys, we don't even know that we snow. Because when we snoring we sleep. And when you're asleep, you don't feel anything. So if the husband says, I tell you everything, and he discovers later on that he snores. I think that should not be one of the reasons that dictate or push for divorce. So what I'm saying the reason I mentioned this incident, because a lot of young people nowadays, divorce for them is just like getting a cup of tea from a coffee shop, or Tisha.
And the reason being, is because we watch or they watch so many different shows that beautifies separation, that if you leave this man, or if you leave this young lady, you will find someone more suitable, someone better.
And then they end the movie or the show at that point when she finds happily ever after person or the man of her dream, who's writing a white horse with the cape like Superman. But that does not happen in reality.
Two things I want to state before the talk in Charlotte.
One, I want to tell you the difference, or the nature between the difference between men and women innate naturally,
we look different hamdulillah we don't talk the same, we don't walk the same, we don't behave the same a lot of things. In a lot of ways. However, there's more core issue related to this, which is if you look in our nature, men and women,
we are completely different in many ways.
And because of that differences, a lot of times divorce takes place because we can understand because the language language that you speak is completely different than the language that we speak as men.
The difference between the two is started from the creation of Adam AlLahi Salatu was Salam.
See Adam was created from the earth and Earth is usually harsh, rough, tough, you know, endures a lot of things and the different weather the different conditions so on.
So the nature of man is roughness, harshness, you know, his strength is what appeals to him. Like even amongst the guy. If they want to say something nice about this certain sister, they will say she's tough lady. She's very tough. For us. It's like Masha, Allah, you know, if they say oh, she's emotional, she cries and they get data, you know, no, we're not going with that one. But if they say she's tough, she's a strong, that is appealing to men. And that's why men, that's why they show this tremendous speed, how high they can jump, how heavy things that they can carry, you know what they can do this sweet. This is what appeals to them. Because the nature of Earth is, that is what it is.
But look a women.
Allah COVID them from a rip
and the rip. It's, it's the thing that covers the heart protects the heart. It's full of emotion, full of love, full of compassion, full of feelings for me
You know, when we want to say we want to show that we love our wives, we love our family, we care about them. The way we show is by giving them something, doing things for them. Like if a man goes to work, and Mashallah in his way home, he stopped by the grocery store and he buys things for his family. And he brings Mashallah carrying you know, boxes of bananas and hamdulillah and you know, we carry all this and mangoes and things and he drops in the kitchen
that he just said to his wife, in 1 million words, I love you.
She was like where's my flower?
for him is like what are you talking about? You know, I've been carrying this. This is love. This is what I this is the way we show that we care.
Women is not the same women she can live in a box just as simple house in a tent in a car. As long the husband is saying I love you. Masha Allah Wonka Allah. Hi, uncle limonaia Kellyanne Anaya, as you know, without all this, then the thing
that's love. So the language that we use is completely different.
And this is where the clashes happen.
Because the way we Allah subhanho wa Taala create. So I want to that's one area. Second.
The issue of love in Islam. Does it exist? Is it allowed? Is it permissible? Is it hard for us to say even before marriage, that I'm in love with this person? Or I love that person? Or you know, I'm attracted to that person? islamically if a young man or young lady says you know, I think I love that sister, you know she's wearing a niqab gloves and all Mashallah, you know, dark shades, but I love the way she walks. I love her shoes. Does that exist? is it acceptable Islam, love does exist. And the last one panel Watada said women IoT and Haleakala coming on fusi comm as well. Lita school Yeah, another place you said what Jana Bina from or what the 10 What are so much love and compassion
and you know, feelings in Islam does exist. And and maybe you some of loving it. He was sanlam has said, when he was asked about her deja vu zip to her behalf. He said, I was giving her love. I was giving her love as a result. And when I'm going to be the answer to your love and ask a university I have the enago messenger of Allah, Who do you love most? The messenger over loss of a loved one he was setting them. He said,
so love is in Islam is not taboo. It's not something that is
contrary on the culture Somali culture. If a young lady says I love this young man, what would the mother said that's a lot nicer.
And it's not allowed she would beat her daughter up with a shoe. And you cannot say this he shot child. It comes love comes after marriage. That is not true. That's not true when a man came to the Messenger of Allah, and he said Jada Salalah under my care is this young lady who's your team? She has no father, I am her guardian
or messenger over or missing your overlocked two men came forward for her. One of them honey, he is missing he has money he's loaded Mashallah. You know, he can pay what any anything and everything she wants. He can give us some he's a man who have wealth. We'd like her to marry that man, then, but she likes the other one who's poor feel. A little high. Simon Schuster. He's 14 is poor. She wants she loves that man. The Messenger of a loss of the loss of money. He was selling them on Mr. Arnica nica. Mr. Motta hobby, he's a marriage have never seen to like to walk in love. So being in love with someone islamically is acceptable, is something that we should not deny. We should not
consider taboo or something that is an Islamic rather, it should be something that's acceptable.
I want to help you
help everyone the sisters who are married, and the sister and the brothers who are married, the sisters who want to get married, be inilah and the brother who wants to get married, I want to give you tips. And through this tips insha Allah, you perhaps will learn how to maintain that marriage. When you get married. When you get married, you don't bounce back from your husband and run away. Rather, you will maintain the marriage and you will stay with your spouse. If you're looking for someone or you're already in relationship, first thing and I'm not going to stay much on this one because it's given is the dean.
He have to have the he must have Dean, she must have Dean. If they don't have Dean, both of them if they don't have Dean, they can really go on with the marriage. They can.
Why because every time something happens, where do you refer back to? Who do you refer back to? What is your point of reference? Who's gonna be the judge? Who's gonna tell he's right? And she's wrong, or she's right. And he's wrong. No one other than the Dean of Islam. So if they don't have Dean, and they don't have n, both of them are ignorant about the deen and they don't practice. There's a problem here. They won't be able to maintain the marriage. And you will see a young lady who's 21 years old or 22 years old or early 20s and she's been divorced once or twice. You will see the same thing about young men. So the problem is the first you have to concentrate on the dean literally can
levy your summer Maharani he was sending them into hell Buhari. What did he say about women? He said you may want full full reason. And he dismissed all other three. And he said, and you married him for Dean Philby, that deinterleaver to hold on to the why or to the young lady who has Dean and I always mentioned the beautiful story of a man who had been humbled when he had been humbled, finishes education, and he decided to be a mom or teacher or chef or Mufti of the masjid. He decided also to get married. So he went to his house every year to his hobble he went to his maternal aunt, and he said, go to such and such family. I was told they are righteous family, and look
into the two daughters. Check them out. See how they look like see the dean come back. So I can propose to them if they good. So the young the mother or the paternal and she came maternal and she came back. And she was so much impressed with the younger one. She said Allah she has a beautiful black eyes, eyelashes like Mashallah, you know, long, curly, dark hair, and that was some of that desire, the time those days. And she's used very light skin. And she stopped talking, I'm talking talking about the younger one, and he's listening.
And then he said, what about the older one? She said, Oh,
to my old lady, and I said, you know, he has a short, you know, curly hair. She's dark. She has one eye, you know? No, no. And then he said, Okay, what about the dean? How is it that Dean? She said, Of course, of course to him, or do you want us and the older one has better Dean. He said, I want to marry that one.
I want to marry the one with the deal. And then he married her. And then when she died 20 years, after 20 years after the marriage, she died. And when he was burying her when they were in the burial in the cemetery, around her grave, he looked at the grave, and he said, Rahim, Allah masani. May Allah have mercy on Masada? Ma hada fettucini our avatar but uma she did not disagree with me one single day. She didn't make me mad or upset one single day for 20 years.
Our son Mashallah, nowadays sisters, wives, every 20 minutes Mashallah Tabata kala, you know, she will knock her husband out.
So, that choice see for that now young men right now, the dean issue is not that great. They check about the looks, the way she walks, you know, what kind of fun
She has kind of cars, she drives and so on. That's the base of basis for a lot of young people. Let us move on.
The second thing in this man that you want to marry or that you're married to, if you're already married Alhamdulillah if you looking then when you get married, this is something that you should establish. Number two, a Thai want to be in a zone Jain.
Working, collaborating between the two spouses
helping each other.
Allah subhanho wa Taala set what I want to believe what
help one another ate one another by performing righteous deeds. And Allah subhanho wa Taala in another caller, one minute, one minute, ba boom. Ba Yamuna bit maroof way in hohner and in column
C, he said believing men and women, our allies protectors maintainers of one another. Yeah, morona Bielema roof, they enjoy doing good and they forbid evil husband or wife, your life partner, the person that you want to be with him in general, the someone that you want to spend with the rest of your life, you must have these qualities and a little bit more often when you're on in mukarram when you see your husband missing Salatin Gemma in the mystery and you stand up and say no, this is unacceptable. You cannot miss a lotta Gemma you got to be there you got to be with the gym. You got to go to the halaqaat you got to take the children to the Minister you got to take us to the salon.
You This is an honorable model. When he sees his wife, Masha Allah starting you know, lightening her hijab or her jinba and wearing colorful jobs Masha Allah rainbow colors. And then he says, No, no, no, no. I love you. I care about you. But this hijab islamically is not acceptable. This is an American model when a man in town helping and aiding one another.
And this is under the same thing. When the last year you had Ludhiana armano or unforced. De nada, protect yourselves and your family from the punishment of Hellfire from the town, the mercenary
from helping one another, indeed, is how do you feel? The Sunni avida owed the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, Rahim en la hora calm Amina Lee for Sunday. May Allah have mercy on the man who stood up in the middle of the night, and he prayed to him, Look Subhana Allah, pm and then your husband stands up for family. And then he when he finished on a cotton Murata and he wakes his wife up. If she's snoring, Mashallah. And he's praying to family, that means he doesn't care about her. If she's praying family, and he sleep and snoring, that means she doesn't care about him. Why? Because maybe you sold a lot. Why do you sell him? What did he say? Now? You mean?
He might have been innocent, none of you would be true believer and tell you love for your brother, what do you love for yourself? Now this is your husband, this is your wife. You should be more concerned about them than anyone else.
Also, the second point in terms of I'm sorry, the same point, second point in terms of helping one another in terms of demeanor as well is in terms of denier what I see a lie upon what happens on the Siva community dunya a lie saying Do not forget your share in dunya. Allah didn't say, become Mullah, become so few horses in the message. And you know, forget about this denier and say dunia I divorce you three times. No, you should get something from this dunya work for you
and work for you. So for example, from the tower went from helping one another is if she wants to do finish her education, for example, then the husband if he's in a position of helping, then he should help her
If he or she finished, and she can help him and hamdulillah or at least facilitate, facilitate for him, so some of the sisters Mashallah or some of the husbands, they are very much demanding, we're actually madly, where's the food, where's the dinner, she's trying to do her work. Or take me here, take me there taking me to my mother taking me to my grandmother take me and he wants to do his schooling. So it's not right for you to put pressure on him, or for him to put pressure on you. And forget about the town that is there.
In the house, a town one of the things is to help each other for the husbands to help that by the way, ladies, when I say that when I say this, when I say this, don't go back home and ask your spouse to clean the kitchen and do the laundry. Change the kids, you know, this is voluntarily the responsibility of the of the house, if she's not working on school, is on the shoulder of the wife. As it is the response the responsibility of the husband is on his shoulder in terms of finance and financing the house in the financial issues, never use on the long alley. I shadow the alarm on her. She was asked about the Navy is a little long winded, he will send them my iesna or Phil bait. What
is he do at home the Messenger of Allah? He said assume he is the commander. He's the ruler. He is the Mufti. He's the hottie. He is the mmm he is the counselor he is everything in the society. We understand that however, I should want to come somebody along on that. What is he do some lost money he was selling them pawn, it's kinda your crew. She Nina T. Lee, elbow Hi. He used to come and serve his family, trying to serve the wife try to help around the house. Again, volunteers don't make him his chair to clean the house and do the dishes.
The second point that I want you to add the third point, that is I'm running out of time so I want to cut show the third point. A third
thing is zoji trust
between a husband and the wife. If there is no trust what homosocial
Mashallah, when he goes to the bathroom, you check it out? How many people here call? How many people to text? How many people that's a problem
is a problem. If when he goes to work or goes to school, if he comes back at noon time and checks on you, that's a problem. There's no thicker, there's no trust. He should trust your husband. And your husband should trust you. blank.
See Subhanallah if there's no trust, the shaytan will work on you in little things.
You know, she had good luck. Already. What did you do today? Oh, I want to set out to look who was there for Sonata.
hamanaka did he pray,
Lord or Baraka? What else?
I just want to check I want to see. Did you talk to anyone else? No, no, you came home? Yes. You did not talk to anyone now. I'm about to move to get massages because she wasn't there. You know? No.
And then last summer holla. You discover that he talked to her son. I see you lie to me. You say you didn't talk to anyone. You spoke to husband, his wife or so on. So that was also also who told me that you guys spoke. You lie What else?
I got so much to
see what this see. Is this how do you interview someone love Ronnie he was the head he says she sits on his throne.
And he sends his soldiers out. Look at this. He sends his soldiers out. And when the soldiers go out, they cause order people to do evil.
At the end of the day, when they come shaytan asked them what have you done? This one was say I was on him until he killed someone it leaves was say he didn't do much. Sit on the side. I'm asking you killing an innocent person. Is that a major crime? Yes, but he believes he considered that as nothing.
The other ones that are our
on them until both of them commit Zina shatta who say you didn't do much? Standing step aside, step aside. Then he would miss every shot on who would mentioned or made him drink. I made him steal. I made him you know, use interest. I made him lie. I made him do all of these major sins. And shaytan is saying you didn't do much. You didn't do much until one of the shale team comes.
And he tells he believes that he did something that is halon Islam.
Something that he said hours on them until they get divorce.
Is divorce harem no divorces Hannah. Allahu Allah says in Surah Al Baqarah. Divorce is acceptable as halal. In the Quran, the Sahaba of nimbyism, the long Ronnie usnm, divorce their wives, and the wives asked for her.
Then it leaves he says to him, you and Come, come sit right next to me, you did a wonderful job. And usually most of the time, divorce happens because of
not having trust on each other. Because that's where triggers that's what stars Oh, this is what he said. This is what she said. This is what they did. This is how he is who he saw. This is the one who was talking to him. This is who was talking to her. So shaytaan that is what he puts the seed. If there is no trust between the two, that household will never see the light of peace. There will always be fitting that there will always be a problem there will always be something that is that would start things are wrong. I'm running out of time seriously.
The things are cause mistress just write it down a and Kevin
lying. And men by the way. They use this Heidi as the basis of their life most of the time. How do you think maybe some of a sudden I feel Buhari and he said urge you to your own power.
And then may say something or someone or even women may say something for the purpose of reconciling the relationship between two people. You come to say well light issue today she said this and this and this all beautiful things. And you go to her, and you know what I what I saw was and you do Kevin? You lie between the two so you can bring the relationship together. It's acceptable. And the reseller lanzado what rajulio Quran Allah philhealth and at the time of war a man is allowed to lie we're not at war yet. What Roger Do you have this one raw to one to one model or two to had these two zoologia and the man who lies to his wife and wife that lies to her husband and Masha Allah we
misuse that this hadith
the husband that I'll tell you what is the light that is permitted here the light that is permitted as for example
where the wife comes mounted number one I say no, no by the way all when there was no makeup, women does one other so they can look you know fully onion but nowadays there's a makeup
now most of them be makeup muddiness it all day long, she's putting makeups here and left and right you know all this and she looks like a Tony regime. And then she says to her husband, How do I look? And he says gorgeous Mashallah. Her line of this dunya but Allah knows she's not beautiful. This type of life is permitted. This type of life is okay islamically is okay.
For the man. What is permitted as for the women is when her husband comes and he says, you know, so need me Am I the man of the house? Mashallah, am I responsible? And she says how Masha Allah, Allah and she just need to stop that is permitted but major sin major life when she says we're Where are you? And he says I was at the masjid but Allah knows. He was chit chatting in one of the coffee shops. Or he says it was a work, but he wasn't a work. Or he asked her and she says some other things. This is where it goes wrong. And this is where the fifth between the two dies. I want to stop you
here but I have I have for you a line I wrote 19 points I want to share with you all of you all of them inshallah, perhaps, but we're running out of time because we have three more minutes left.
You have to understand in terms of trust
Islam was never there to destroy household.
Islam A lot of people think, Oh, you know this is because I was strict on this or strict on that. That is not the case Islam. This the DNA of a lot is perfect. And the omec multilocular Deena and nothing in Islam would destroy your house. As a matter of fact, or would destroy your house and kill the trust is when you try to play game within Islam and not bill your love around the other thing that you must be certain doubts shacking with with what would you know, all this and love cannot be in the same household.
If a wife says I love your husband says I love you, but they don't trust each other. That's a lie.
That's a lie. They have to trust each other. They if they don't trust each other, there is no peace in that household you must know that. You must be certain about that. I want to stop here inshallah perhaps the other 15 or 16 points are mentioned some other times be eaten a line. Some kind of what's out a lot wealth and and
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