Channel: Saad Tasleem
Bismillah Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah. While it he was like me, he will know what a ceremony
Okay, so if you don't know what the topic is, the topic that was given to me was hustle culture versus bollock culture.
I think it's an awesome topic, how did it come up with that title? I'm not sure I would have phrased it like that. But I think this topic is definitely an important topic. So what we're really talking about here is like, if you break it down into its its roots, it's the fundamentals. We're talking about hustle as in like, putting in work, right versus buying a cup. How does
that work that we do? So I would imagine that most people, like as we go through life, we're told that you work hard.
And you stay consistent, and you're persistent. And then eventually, you'll see results, whether it's in like academia, right, so in your studies, you're told, you know, work hard in college, and stay persistent, and you'll do well in college, and then you'll get a good job. And then like what we create, whether it be our health, so like in terms of like working out your tone, you know, put in the work, eat healthy, go to the gym, take care of yourself, and you will see results as a Muslim, we add in another factor into that work. And that's what is known as panaca. So normally, we would say you put in the work, you put in the time that that equals success, as a Muslim, we would
say, not necessarily the case, there is an additional factor, which needs to be part of it. And if it is not, then we may be missing out on true success. And not missing factor is Baraka. So we would say you put in the time, you put in the effort, and you add Barranca to what you're doing. And that is the only way that you're going to see true and proper and fulfilling success. So before I go any further, I want to first talk about what Baraka actually is now panaca, look at it linguistically, it comes from so they would say an animal,
like an animal dibaca, what that means is, it's a verb, that means it would sit down, or it would rest in a place or establish itself in a in a place. Also, there's an Arabic word known as pivka, because basically a small pond or a small body of water, and the meeting is actually similar because in a pond or a body of water, the water is established there. So when we say Baraka in terms of like spiritually, what has been our Cubby, we mean that this is a when we when we ask for something, we want that goodness is established within it. But not just any goodness, rather goodness that comes from a law. And there's a headache mentioned second provided second listening, in which the profit
profit, as I said, and he said, about coming out law, he said Baraka comes from alone. So the goodness that we're talking about, we attribute it to God and say, you know, God, we when we asked for conversate a lot, put goodness in this endeavor, or this matter, or this time, or whatever it may be, the second meeting about a cup is actually to increase and grow. Right, so something gets better it increases and grows. So for example, we have the Hadith of the Prophet, so I send them in which he made up for the companion.
And he the DA he made for him is that he said botica lukka siematic onelink. He said, mailmark with Baraka in your mouth, your wealth, and your meaning your family. So what the present system is asking for here is two things. And that's the two meanings you spoke about. Number one, is that goodness is established and as well and goodness is established and as well in his family. The second meeting is that it grows and increases. So when we say Baraka, Lola, Kofi Malik Mila blessing your well meeting May Allah give you more May Allah increase it, but not just any type of increasing but an increasing or increase that has goodness in it. And that is why
By the way,
I know a lot of times we hear we see when we see something good or nice. We're often told that we should say, Mashallah, so if you like, compliment somebody, like you're like, Hey, nice shirt.
The person may reply and say, Hey, say Michelle blah, right? This has happened to you. Yes. Why are they saying that? Because they're afraid of what?
Evil Eye right eye or as they say another and so people often say like, you know, you should say Masha Allah. And in actuality, that is, and I hate to break into tonight, but that is actually incorrect.
Masha Allah and by the way, this misconception it comes from sort of that gap, where two people and if you read the Gulf War, you heard it.
One person, a person, the person who has a garden,
the other man with some scholars say his his brother, both of them had garden so his brother, he says to him, because he was getting arrogant to getting proud of the garden and he was attributing it should be eating out the garden to himself like as if he put in the work and therefore he has a garden and therefore like he deserves it. And so the the the other man he says to him, well Lola is the Huntington latekka put good Masha Allah, that if you were to only that when you enter your garden, you say Masha Allah is by me will have a lot left what ended up in that there is no power or mites other than Allah. So this is where you often hear people say like Masha Allah that for 10 that
build up. In actuality if you look at what is happening here in this story, it wasn't an issue of like envy. Right? Which is how we use it right? So it's like Hey, don't get jealous of me or don't get envious of me say Mashallah, right that's why I don't if you've been to like Muslim countries, but on like, their possessions that they that they like, go off and like put Mashallah so if you get like a new car, they have like a big like sticker on the back that says that shall law so when you see the car, you automatically say Russia was like, Oh, you can't give me evil life. Or like people can get a new house. And right like on the gate of the house, the front door, it says, Masha Allah,
and it's supposed to, like prevent people from getting like jealous or envious of their house. So that is how it is used. But in the porada, we see it wasn't an issue of jealousy, the man wasn't jealous of the garden. The problem was, was arrogance. And that was attributing the garden or you know, his success to himself rather than than a law. And so if you look at the teachings of the Prophet Mohammed as I send them, he actually told us what to say. He said that if you fear that you will be envious of someone or that you may give them evil eye, you should ask a lot to put barakah in what they have.
I'll say that, once again, President have instructed us that if we fear that we would be jealous, or actually we should say envious of someone's possessions or something that they have, we should say, we should ask for a lot to put
in whatever they have. So what that means is like, I like someone's car, I say, Hey, nice car, may Allah put Baraka in your car, right may align, you know, usually tells me that it's blessing, right? So May Allah bless you in your car.
And so that is the correct usage. So what we are saying here is that if we were to say to someone, like, Hey, nice shirt or nice outfit,
and we say, you know, Melba, but we're asked, we're actually asking a lot to increase in their goodness, and give them even more. So what that does is it automatically negates our feelings of envy, and jealousy. So if you're if you're envious of a possession that someone has, and you force yourself, to actually make the offer them which is what it is, is to say, may Allah bless you, right, good luck, put blessings in your possession. This means you have to fight your negative feelings and say, may Allah bless you, and also meaning well, like crease you And oftentimes, you know, when it when it comes to envy, one of the feelings associated with envy is like this person
doesn't deserve this, or they shouldn't have this. Sometimes people feel like I should have it this person doesn't deserve it. And that concept by the way, is known as hassad islamically. Which is which is like you know, basically
very negative in the way we approach these matters. And so when we say May I love with Buttercup, in what he has given to you, we automatically negate all those negative thoughts. And the amazing thing about asking a lot to put barakah in what someone what someone has, is an actuality This is like a
into how that works on two levels. because number one, as I said, when we make the offer someone we're asking for goodness for them, we're asking for what to increase them. So that's, first of all, finding those negative feelings. Number two, if we had feelings of, you know, I deserve this, or I should have this as well, or I like it, I wish I had it. When you make a job for someone, we know that the angels make the same job for you. So somebody has a nice car and like, may Allah bless your car, a lot increase mail will give you an even nicer car. Not only am I making doc with them, I'm making the offer myself. And so what we're saying is, we're attributing the goodness to love this
kind of data. So that is what we're talking about. When we say love our cup, and bottle, a cup, for us, is an integral aspect of everything that we do, as I alluded to, in the beginning of this talk, oftentimes, we sometimes we don't realize it, but I think sooner or later, most people in their life, they realize that work doesn't always equal success. Sometimes you can put in the work, and you can put in the time, and you can do everything right. But things don't go the way you planned. And so I believe that deep down inside every human being knows that we are not fully in control, that the map that what happens in in the world, what happens in our world, what happens in our life,
and on some level is beyond our control. So you can do everything, right, you can do everything, like buy the book, you know, people say just do this, and this and this and this, and you'll get the following result. But deep down inside, we know that sometimes that just doesn't work. And if that is the case, that we put in all the work in the world, we do everything right, and still we don't get the results that we want, it must mean that there's a another factor that maybe we didn't account for. And that is our spiritual side of everything that we do. So as a Muslim as a as a believer, that is the aspect of did a lot put barakah in what I'm doing, get a lot out of the
goodness for what I'm doing. And that's why, you know, when we talk about Baraka, we can talk about vodka in our time, right? So, time has a certain amount of worth, it has certain amount of value. And sometimes we get that value. And sometimes we don't, for example, I think most people here are students, right? Everyone's a student here. Most people
when you're studying for an exam, or you're or you're reading a book, sometimes you can open up a book.
And you can read a page,
and then read it again. And then read it again. And sometimes no matter how many times you read it, it just doesn't settle in your mind. Sometimes the paragraph, right, read a paragraph over and over and over again. You're like, wait, why? Why am I not comprehending what this says? Sometimes you can read something. And the very first time you read it, you understand it and it makes complete sense. Why does that happen? Well, one of the aspects and one of the reasons that may happen is maybe you did something different bought a cup in your time that you were spending.
Okay, so for example,
one of the things that happens a lot when we talk about time, is we take the example of a prayer.
Hopefully we all pray right five times a day.
But that prayer isn't always the same, right? The value of that prayer and how much our heart and mind are present in that prayer is not always the same. Sometimes we pray quickly. Sometimes we're just trying to get it done. And sometimes we do that because there may be an external factor that is influencing how much time we spend in our prayer. So once again, going back to the example of studying, maybe you have a final in the morning, right and you're counting down the hours you're like look if I study now, I have whatever six hours of studying I can get
done before I have to go take my my final. And then you realize, Hey, I didn't pray show. So I need to bring my shout prayer, my night prayer. And you're kind of scrambling right now to cram it in last moment.
Some of you might not all be great, but you're trying to get it, get it all in, right, but these six hours that you have, and then you're like, Okay, I gotta pray and you know, I'm going to get my prayer done. But you pray very quickly. And even while you're praying, your mind is like on your exam, and you're thinking about, like, I gotta study this, I gotta say this, or like,
I don't know, 60 pages to cover or 80 pages to cover, and I have very little time. And so you rushed your prayer.
And so what happens, maybe because of that rushed prayer, you lose Buttercup, in the time that is coming up. Because one of the ways we increase bonafide I'm gonna get to this are actually the main way in which we increase ballclub is God consciousness, what is known as a temple. Right? So obedience to a lot submission to a lot of general but this prayer
could add value
to our time that maybe before didn't have value. So even though the print and by the way, the difference between, and like I've titled this right, the difference between a rushed prayer, and a prayer that is prayed like, calmly, when you're praying that prayer, like, in our mind, we think it's like,
the hours of difference, right? And that's the reason why we weren't just were like, I need I need that time. The difference between a rushed prayer, and a concrete and I'm not talking about like difference in sodas. So I'm not saying like certain verses like sort of thing. That's obviously that's like a three hour difference, right. But let's say you're going to recite the same sort of the prayer, but it's going through the motion, right, like so how, how, how calmly you move from the standing position to the record, and from the core to the standing position into such the how much time you spend in your sentence, that and so on and so forth. We're just talking about, like the
mechanics of the prayer. If you were to add up the difference, even in a form of prayer, we're talking about literally a couple minutes of difference. But the spiritual difference, can be extremely significant. So even though like we think we've saved time, like I'm more time, just like, once again, going back to, you know, cramming for a final, we're like, oh, I have more time now to study because I watched my prayer.
But the impact of that rushed prayer could mean that because we've lost Baraka in our time, our time isn't worth that much. Then actually, the profits that I send them, gave us a very clear example of time. And Baba, there's a do up a prayer that the President have made for his own money. He would say, a lot barbaric to muddy people Korea, he would say, oh, Allah would got a cup, in my own mouth or for my own mud for my people. People could have been in the early portion of the day. And that way, that's why as Muslims, we believe that the early part of the day is a will Babak time meaning a time that has Baraka. And that's why one of the pieces of advice that I'll give you, especially as
students, if you're really trying to get the most done in the least amount of time, and you know, we're always short on time, the time after Federico is in robotic time, is the time to has more bonafide meaning we can get a lot more done in that time, in Africa that early time, because especially if we wake up with that intention, and we pray for a job, and we ask a lot to put in our time. And that even hours of how long after Vegeta can be worth more than hours of time, other than that morning telling him and it's something that I personally would do actually, when I was setting up the email. Sometimes, you know, during finals week and yeah, we had finals week in the data as
I'd be cramming no and I was planning the night before the exam even if I studied before, I'm like no matter what I know I gotta sit down the night of the exam make sure I know everything again. And I would be up sometimes to like you know two in the morning. And then I'd have to like refocus as a you know what if I sleep now I can get up professional. And even if I have like a lot to cover which which I'm like look, I need five hours to cover or go over my notes. And you know if I if I sleep now wake up perfect. You have a great, great job. I only have an hour. I would pick that hour after
over the four or five hours at night because I
Know that the hour after FedRAMP is going to be worth a lot more when it comes to when it comes to me learning what I need to learn. And this is how and I'm sure I'm sure, as students, you have experienced this. Sometimes you can pull an all nighter, right? And you've got your gummy bears and your Red Bull. Is that still like the secret sauce? Because back when I was in college, I was like, Did Jonah know about this? I mean, I'm not encouraging you to do it. But that's just what I see. Right? gummy bears for the sugar and Red Bull. For what?
The caffeine? Yeah. So that's the secret sauce. Sometimes you can like practically be od on like Red Bull. And like your mind is racing at 100 miles an hour. But nothing is going in. Right? You're awake because of the caffeine rush. But nothing seems to be going into your mind.
Right. And one of the reasons for that and said, Look, there's there may be a lack of Buttercup, in the time that we are spending, right? So time Baraka in time, we could have bought our cup, especially in our wealth, in the money that we make. And that is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He said in the marina hidden depths, he said true wealth or true richness is the richness of one's self or one's heart. And what he's referring to, is being content with what you have, like that is true richness versus an actual amount. And that is why sometimes we'll see somebody can have all the money, and they'll all have wealth in the world, right? But their heart is not at ease. And
sometimes you can have someone who is not wealthy, someone who may be working like two jobs, and struggling to put food on the table. But they are content with what they have. And they live a happy life. It's not an easy life. But it's a content life. It's a happy life, as opposed to the other person who may be wealthy and rich, and they have all the money in the world. But what is the true value of that money? If it doesn't bring wealth, if it doesn't bring peace and contentment to one's heart? And so when it comes to our wealth, not we don't just look for an increase in wealth, which is Yeah, that's part of butterfly as well, when we ask a lot to bless our wealth. Yes, we're asking
a lot to increase our wealth as well. But also, Remember when I said earlier, we're asking a lot for goodness, right? What is that goodness, when it comes to our wealth? Well, a couple of things. One is Yeah, it's contentment. But also, it is, like you it's, it's it's the good type of sustenance, which means that it is head on. Right? And it is, not only is good for us, because not all wealth that we have is good for us. And that is why we ask a lot of Baraka to the blessings that our wealth. And I'll give you another example of something that I have witnessed happen to people, right people that I know,
look, it's very common, when it comes to,
like wealth and property.
That because of the world that we live in, where oftentimes wealth is valued above everything else, right, that we may turn to ways of attaining wealth, that are not hideout are not permissible in Islam.
So, for example, you know, a person wants to buy a house, right? And they think to themselves, you know, all I need right now, like, I have a family, I have kids, and we're living in like a small apartment. If I had a house, we would be like, a lot happier, right? Maybe there's like a shortage of room in the house. There's kids running around everywhere. And you know, hope like homeboys wife is getting frustrated. Like if we only had a bigger house, you know, it'd be easier for us to handle the kids or whatever, we need more space, we need more space, we got to get a bigger house, we got to get a bigger house. Right. And he thinks to himself, you know, I don't want to get involved in
something that was not made, for example, interest or usury. I don't want to take an interest based loan.
But he thinks to themselves, you know, maybe the ends justify the means. Right? So, and this has happened a lot this I don't it sounds like a hypothetical. It's not just a hypothetical. This is real life happens every day. So this person, his brother, who may be conscious, right, but in this moment, he thinks himself look, I'll just, I'll take a loan, and then I'll try to pay it off as soon as I can.
A lot knows that I have a good intention, right? I'm just trying to have more space for my family and trying to have more space for my kids. And I want my family to be happy when my wife and my kids would be happy, I want to have a happy household. And so he decides to take that interest loan. Right? And because of that loan, he's able to get the house. But the question
he should have asked himself, and oftentimes people ask this question, but often when it's too late, or they're already like in the thick of it, the question is, will there be Buttercup, in the house that I'm buying?
into sometimes, yeah, a person buys the house, but they find other problems happening in the house. So even though they have a bigger place, there is a lack of Baraka in the house, they may find other problems happening in their family. And the whole reason he took this interest loan was to buy a bigger house, so his family's happy. But they find that the added space in the house didn't make them happy. As a matter of fact, other problems crept into the family, in the household, and even sometimes, their relationships. And so one of the reasons that one of the reason that we try to live our life in a way, is not just because Allah commanded us to do it. So we do it. Yeah, of course,
that is the first and most important reason. But also we understand like, as believers, we understand that if Allah has commanded something, that it's it's not for a large benefit, like a law doesn't need for us to, like, worship Him and obey whether we worship a lot or not, it makes no difference to whether we obey him or not, it makes no difference over whether we do something just head out, or how long, I was not affected in any way by it. But we know that if Allah has commanded us to do something, or Allah is prohibited something for us, it is for our benefit, it is for us, we may understand what it is, we may not, or a lot of times maybe later on, we're aware, we will
understand what the benefit of it is. Right? And so if it was out of his cut, they made something cut out for us. We don't approach it from the point of view of, you know,
this is something that has no benefit in my worldly life, which is how sometimes you will treat these matters, which is like, you know, what? Live your life would have had outweigh, yeah, your life is gonna suck, but it's for the afterlife. Right? Alice is a believer, our approach is no, when we live our life in a way, it's for the betterment Yes, of our afterlife, its virgin number paradise, and so on and so forth. But right here, right now, we understand that it's for the betterment of the life that we are living in. And that's a vastly different approach than saying, you know, what, obey a law just for the afterlife, which have enough is enough, right? If someone
lives their life in that way, I did not find no, they, they have that purpose. And that's great. But greater than that, is to live your life for the afterlife. And also for goodness in this life. There's a famous statement by a scholar known as even Tamia, I love to honor one of my favorite statements that he made. He said, I didn't.
Gender might not be a total lung, yet full generated after he says, certainly in this life, there is a paradise. Whoever doesn't enter that paradise, will not enter the paradise of the hereafter. What is he talking about? That we live our life, just fulfilling our desires and trying to find paradise on earth, by
just trying to do whatever he wants to make ourselves feel happy. Know, what he is talking about, is that when we live our life, in the obedience and worship of a law, first and foremost, we find a agenda, a paradise in this life.
And so when we enter the paradise of this life, then we will enter the paradise of the afterlife. Right? Now that's what he's talking about here. And once again, I want to reiterate, the paradise of this life doesn't mean that life will be easy, or that life will always be fun.
But it means contentment and rest in ease and peace of the heart. And that's why you may have heard the statement of the Prophet satellite send them where he said in the data yourself, that the religion is ease
Right, or sometimes people say
their religion is easy.
And sometimes, the way people interpret that is, you know, Islam is supposed to be easy. ie if there's something in Islam that I find to be difficult, I don't have to do it. Right. So someone says, look, you know, great, Vijay, when we have to wake up at
night, that's part of our obligations. Someone says, look, didn't say Islam is easy. It sounds supposed to be easy, but getting imported is hard. You know, so obviously, God's not gonna hold me accountable for something that I find to be difficult. But that's not what this heading means. This, Heidi is talking about a ease on a much higher level than just ease of the body. It's talking about spiritual and emotional ease. And that leads to the ease of the afterlife. That is why Islam is ease, not because you're always going to be comfortable in the worship of a law. Anyone who worships a lot and tries to fulfill their obligations. They notice, right? It's not always easy. It's not as
comfortable. And as a matter of fact, it's hard. And it's challenging. And you know, what, it is supposed to be challenging. And that's why a lot of times, I know, we get the impression that For everyone else, it's not as easy. But for us, it's difficult, right? And oftentimes, the champagne has a role to play in that. Right. So when he's trying to make you feel bad about your faith, about your Eman, right, he'll come to you and whisper to you and say, Look, look at everybody else. They're all super Muslims. And it's super easy, right? Michelle, why it's so easy for that sister to wear a job. And that brother does this and that. And you know, he prays five times a day and he goes
to the machine. And you know, what, why can't you do it? Why is it that she'll bottle will say that you struggle with your prayer every single day. And the shampoo bottle will help us interpret it in a way that we think to ourselves, you know what you're writing? It must mean that there's something wrong with me and my faith.
And why does the ship one want that from us? He wants it from us. So we give up hope. And that's what are shaped by the way. That's what she had thought the main goal when it comes to human beings, that we give up hope and a law, and we give up open ourselves, right. And because he knows, the only way he can defeat us is if we give up hope. Because as long as we have hope alive. And that's why hope
is such an important aspect of our faith. Because hope means that we can make a mistake, and another mistake, and another mistake, and we can still come back to a wall. And that is why we have so many ions of the forearm. So when you have these that remind us of that very matter. So we have the idea, once you have the person send them where have you put see, by the way, if you don't know is when the participant tells us that a lot has said something. So this hadith where the prophet SAW I sent them and told us that Allah has said that my servant can go out
and commit a sin and come to me and seek my forgiveness, and I will forgive them. What about me? Meaning a law says it means nothing to me, when you take nothing away from me to forgive this person sin, or nobody also translates to ITC. Right? I don't care. But the lesson, I don't care, it means nothing to me, right. And then a lot of says, After that the person can go out and sin again. And then they can come to me and seek my forgiveness, and I will forgive their sin. And it and it means nothing to me. Like it doesn't take anything away from me. And this happens a few times until a law says, and this person can go out and keep sinning.
And I will keep forgiving them as long as they seek my forgiveness, even if their sins were to reach the skies.
Why is this narration there? It's there for us to keep hope alive, not in the easy times because somebody who's having an easy talk worshipping a walk, they don't need this Heidi, who needs this heading. It's the it's the brother or the sister who's struggling with their fate.
The brother or sister is having difficulty obeying a lot. The one who's having difficulty with their prayer. It's for that brother, who's looking at his house and say My house is too small. And I need more room for my kids. And it's difficult for me to live in a place like this. But the person perseveres is where the perseverance because he knows you know what, I don't want to put myself in a position where I maybe disobey Allah Subhana Allah and I know that a lot because of my
appeals to a lot of law get put Baraka blessings in the little space that I have the little wealth that I have the little that I have in my life
so well when it comes to our well, but aren't as important now and for the rest of our lives, there's a difference between living our lives to just have more stuff just to have more wealth, just to see our bank account go up versus living our life to increase our Baraka in our well.
And there's another place where Baraka is important Baraka in love.
Did you know that they
that even in love, we seek Baraka. Right? And I would imagine, most people here are single, right? So at some point in your life, maybe now, maybe later, maybe 70 inshallah, you're going to be seeking love. But what type of love do we seek? You know, when a person gets married, the prophets I said that taught us to make a deal offer them to make a prayer for them.
This job that we make for a newly married couple,
does anyone know this job? That they would have to memorize?
Anyone? Raise your hand if you haven't memorized?
have meant a lot of weddings.
Okay, I will teach you this stuff up. You're ready. You're learning? Yes. You can learn it. Yes.
The da is default. It's very easy. It's like three small phrases sentences are easy. And if you can't remember in Arabic, you can remember it. In English, that's fine for double the profits. I send them said that to someone who's newly married, you say to them barakallahu nakoma.
Right now someone's like, Oh, I heard that machine. I remember Right. Right.
barakallahu nakoma What Baraka la Kula, what Java are they nicomachea same three things. We say to the person botica la nakoma. Meaning May Allah make your spouse Baraka for you.
Right? So make your spouse be that a means of adding Baraka to your life. Baraka lemma, nakoma what bollock is a coma and May Allah shower the two of you with Baraka, a man with Gemma vena cava and Mila, bring the two of you together in goodness. So once again, may Allah make the two of you a source of Baraka for one another, right? bonica love nakoma Well, Baraka I didn't call me up like shower you and what this means is, you and your new relationship and the lies that you're about to start and what you're getting into here made a lot what Baraka like shower about, right? Because he wants me to bring the two together in goodness, why do we say this to a newly married couple? We say
this to them. Because like everything else in our life, without Baraka, I'm sorry to break it to you, but this ain't gonna work. Doesn't matter how much in love you are right now.
Right? The people obviously are super in love in the beginning, right? first six months, nine months, a year, whatever. And then life gets real.
Everyday stresses and so on and so forth. And, and, and some have a lot, I've, I've said this to be like, I've given like wedding talks before or whatever. And I was mentioned this job that people are like, yeah, cool, cool, fine, like get on with it. Like we already like, we're good. Right? And I'm, I'm thinking in my head, like, obviously, you're good now. But this is the eyes. Yeah, it's for now. But most importantly, this dude is for like, five years into your relationship. Right? Or three years. One of my teachers in Medina, he would say, marriage is tested at about a three year mark. Right? I don't know if that's just his experience, I guess, like three years into the relationship.
And then five years into the relationship like those are like some sub points in which your marriages is tested. Right. So when things are difficult, when things are getting hard. That is for that time, we say May Allah make you a source of Buttercup for one another.
Because without as we said, without Buttercup.
There's something there's a key ingredient missing. And that's why if you recall what I said at the beginning, we assume that you put in the time and put in the effort
And that means success. How many people do we know? who married the right person? Or married the one?
And then what happened later on?
And it's it's kind of a lot, you know, the the divorce rate in?
Like, generally, you've probably heard like one and two, have you heard this? Yeah.
We would think that the Muslim community is like, way better, right? The stats are better. Like one in five, one and four, what is it? Yeah, it's also one and two. There's like a, there's like a 2% difference. Maybe it's like 40 48% versus like, in the Muslim community. It's 46%.
And this is like, I, you know, have that sense. Y'all are young and you're not married yet? Or maybe you are. But you know, a lot of you're going to get married. Michelle, Allah bless you with amazing spouses. That mean, it will make you an amazing spouse for your spouse. That'd be say, I mean, come on. All right, for your benefit, I'm married.
I usually like to make it real for people, right. So how many people do you think are in the room right now?
So that means about 30, out of the 75 people are going to get divorced.
And some have a lot.
And I know you'll get your friends like not me, help me, like, at this table? Not me. Right? Everybody thinks is not that. And look, look, marriage, marriage, the reality of marriage is like many other things in life.
It's difficult, right? It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of sacrifice, it takes a lot of patience. And some had a lot, not only does it take patience, and sacrifice, and so on and so forth. It takes it on it. It takes patience and sacrifice on a daily basis, consistently. And you let your guard down for a little bit. And you'll start to see what protects us, we'll start to see cracks in our relationship. And so it's not easy to meet like someone when you see a couple that's been married for like 40 years. And they're doing well, which which, by the way is important because sometimes, especially in certain cultures, I don't want to say which cultures, right. But people
stay married. They're like, Oh, they've been married for 50 years. Mashallah. Yeah, but it's been like a crap marriage for like 48 years. But because of the culture, they never wanted to get divorced. It's a horrible relationship. So for me, I'm like, that doesn't count. Right? You're just living in like a terrible situation here. Right. But culturally, it's like there's a stigma against divorce, eat up bad divorce. I'm talking about when you see a couple that's been married for 50 years. And they're that love is there.
And not to say that their relationship is perfect. But they're in it together. That means that for 50 years, consistently, they have been putting in an effort and they both because it doesn't, it doesn't work one way that's just not how work no relationship survives. When there's only one party, you know, putting in the effort 50 years, both of these people have been sacrificing they have been patient, they have been putting the other before themselves, they have been putting the love for one another sometimes above their own comfort above their own need to be writes their own egos consistently for 50 years. And our relationship like that. Amazing. May Allah bless us all
relationships like that. But Baraka is needed and so at the very onset of this relationship, we say to them, we make the offer them and we say Baba Baba, c'mon. Like May Allah make you a source of Baraka for your spouse, and May Allah send Baraka upon you. And may Allah bring the two of you together and goodness and we talked about goodness Baba is really goodness from Allah. Right about upcoming en la Baraka is from a lot. So when two people come together and goodness, that means they're adding Baraka in their lives. And I'm just gonna say one thing here, a little controversial
when people start off their relationship
when they start off their marriage, right, so, Michelle, okay, hold on. There's another problem when people start up the relationship and the relationship itself is how right now I'm not going to get into that because that should be obvious. Islam one on one, guys, right. So I'm going to one but I'm saying they weren't
Keep a head out. So they're like, Let's get married.
But they start off their relationship in the disobedience of a ball.
And it happens all that disobedience happens in like, two days, if you're out if you're DC, like five or seven days, right? Seven days or five days of disobeying a law.
And, and somehow the law, the justification that is given is, you know what, you only get married once. It's just one, it's just, you know, one time.
And so I've seen people compromise their own morals compromise, what they, you know, it may be sometimes it's the girl, right? She's like, Yeah, I don't want to do that at my wedding. But I know my husband wants to have whatever stuff at the wedding, right? Or my husband's family owns it. And he's just one day. So Fine. You know what, we'll just do it? Or the guy does it sometimes for the guys, like, you know, I don't want to have like a DJ at my wedding. And he's like, throwing it down stuff, right? Like, I don't know if that's the best way to like, have my wedding.
But maybe the girls side, it's like, No, we got to have a DJ, you got to dance all the all the stuff, right? And he says to himself, it's just one day. I just want to make my wife happy. I want to make my inlaws happy, it's just one day.
But is it just one day? Or is this setting the precedent for the rest of the relationship? Number one, in terms of in terms of Baba, right? How much blessing is going into the very beginning of this relationship? And second of all, for me, the what is a big telltale sign for the rest of the relationship. Because when it comes to compromise,
the earlier in the relationship, the more willing to compromise, the more willing we are to help the other person out. And so if one party says, No, I gotta have this stuff, even though you don't like it. And it's not right, or like, you don't think it's right. But I gotta have it because it's my wedding day. And they're not willing to compromise at the very beginning of the relationship.
And what's gonna happen later on. And obviously, there is a compatibility issue here. Right, maybe the beginning of the relationship. When we said, Fine, you know what, I'll, I'll let you have the type of wedding you want to have. You know what? You want to spend $10,000 on the wedding. I love you. Right? You're my soulmate. And so I'll spend $10,000. And it's fine during the wedding. And for the day, and for like the 200 Instagram pictures, it's great.
But what happens down the line, when a person
feels that they spent their life savings on one day, or sorry, for Daisy five days? What happens? Well,
real talk, resentment builds. And I'm not speaking pipe once again, it's not. These are cases that I have dealt with, where you know, a guy has dropped all this cash on the wedding. And he's like, okay, he did it fine. But then there was resentment there. And the resentment only grows, let's say they run into financial issues later on.
He's like, I had $10,000, in the beginning of this relationship. And if it wasn't for that wedding, obviously not gonna stay there. Because especially the beginning of relationship, people avoid uncomfortable conversations, which is, by the way, the time to have uncomfortable conversations is at the beginning of the relationship. Because if you can't have it now, how are you going to have it later? So they avoided that uncomfortable conversation, resentment, and it only grows and it gets worse, until one day you can't take it anymore. And something like stupid happens. And he loses his mind. He's like, I waited for you at the restaurant for for 20 minutes. Why are you late? This is
mine. And she's like, what's wrong with you? I was just like, like, why is this a big deal? Right? And then they go to couples counseling, hopefully, sometimes people don't.
And then they figure out, he's having a lot of resentment towards her for years. And so once again, Baraka Baraka means starting off on the starting off with the help of a lot, starting off seeking, but are comfortable loves kind of data. Likewise, you know, relationship versus hot off relationships, right. There's the whole like, head out on aspect of it and disobey a lot, which is important. But also, once again, remember the agenda in this life. For our agenda in this life, we need the button to have a wall.
No, not to say that relationship starts off in a hallway cannot be rectified and fell like him. But you don't want to put yourself in that position where we're the onset of your relationship.
is how an aka tell people like to kind of like, shake someone and make it real for them.
Because I believe in just I believe in being honest with young people, like, instead of just talking about the rulings, let's let's talk about what these things really are. So
real talk, fine, you met, you had a relationship. And then at some point you got married? What happens when you have kids? And your kids are like so long? How did you adapt mean?
Is it okay for me to
you know, meet someone like that.
That's that's the reality. But the reality of gender relations, by the way, one of the people's favorite topics to invite me to speak about is gender relations, especially, I would say around like, the high school college age. There's always like problems and an MSA or like some people MSA are like, you know, we need to be more social, right, guys and girls. Like, why? Why is there like the statistics, and there's other people in the MSA like, we need to put a curtain up. We can never see the women and the women should ever see the minute blah, blah, it says almost like every MSA, hopefully not this one, right. I don't know.
But a lot of MSA, it's always like gender, can you check? Can you come to our university, and we're going to host to just talk about gender, gender relations, and they're hoping I'm taking it to be taking their side. Or they may, you know, my view on a certain matter, and they're like, Oh, can we invite this speaker? And you know, we'll solve this problem, but he's comfortable gets off like this, right? It just doesn't work like that. But when it comes to gender relations, I stopped talking about gender relations, because people are like, Can you just set some rules? Give us some some rules about about gender relations? And I'm like, No, because it's not about the rules. We have
certain rules that yes, we can say this goes back to Islam. But like, if you're talking like a dude is talking to a girl, how much distance should there be? Has this [???]ty I defined it? Is it like four and a half feet? four feet? three feet? Two feet? What is it? Is there an exact distance? Yes or no?
Yes or no? No, there isn't. But in this city, in Islam, we do find a lot telling us
to not commit Zina.
Don't commit adultery. So once again, for me, like if I'm going to talk about gender relations, I'd rather talk about the reality like why are we talking about gender relations? Like, let's just be real here, what we're talking about is, let's not have sex outside of marriage. That's what we're talking about. Right? And it but that's, that's a difficult conversation with people like that just put up a barrier.
That's a lot easier to talk about, let's fight over, like two feet or four feet. The reality is, whatever conditions we put whatever, like, however, we talk to the opposite gender, we are trying to fulfill the commandment of a lot less than what God was Xena, Allah said do not even come close to adultery, to sex outside of marriage. So what we're saying is, look, we want to protect ourselves, to not put ourselves in a situation where we may be tempted. Now, what does that look like? Well, it doesn't have one exact picture. There's no one exact way to say if you do this, it's not going to happen. But there's one thing we can say for sure that that does depend on your relationship with
your Lord. It does depend on your spirituality. And that's why for me all like rules, rules when it comes to gender relations. None of them are important if we don't care about our relationship, but a lot, right? Look, we have certain countries, certain Muslim countries, where guys and girls are completely separated.
does do people not have sex outside of marriage there?
They do. vary. It's just that it's people don't see it, right? It's not it's it's all hidden. It happens. Why? Because rules are not going to stop this. barriers, physical barriers, that's not going to stop you. If someone really wants to fulfill their desires. They're going to find a way. And so it has to go back to our spirituality. It has to go back to our temple.
It has to go back to our relationship with a lot because if we if we are working on our relationship with a lot, it means we're going to make an effort not to say once again, that we're going to be perfect, but it means that I'm at least going to pay attention to what's happening in my heart and soul. What my intentions are, when I'm talking to somebody from the office
As agender. And for me, that's an important conversation to have, that we say to ourselves look. So the one piece of advice I was giving people is Look, what are your intentions? Always check your intentions? Yeah, I'm talking to this girl, what are my intentions? I'm talking to this guy, what are my intentions? What am I feeling? Do I want this person to like me with the way I'm speaking to them?
Right, that means being real and honest with ourselves. And I've heard people say, somehow a lot where we, you went all the way to zero. We're just talking about having a conversation. We're just talking about drinking coffee, like, Where did that come from? Well, let's look at
The reality is the vast majority of people with the norms that we have of this society that with that, I mean, like a, like a global society. Because in my eyes, and I've traveled, the world has opened up,
the culture of the world is becoming more and more similar. We're living in a globalized world, right. So even though things may look different in Saudi Arabia versus America, right, so it's saturated by physical barriers, but in terms of our spirituality, just kind of like the world evens out, right? So Muslims across the world, there's a tendency for us to think that one place is better Muslims than the other. That's not how it works, overall. So they're pretty much around the same type, or same level, same type of faith, regardless of where they live. So the reality is that the vast majority of people, the numbers tell us have sex outside of marriage. That means there's a
there's a problem. It's not, it's not once again, it's not going to be solved by rules, just rules.
It means that we're not making an effort. So based off of the norms that were dealt with, that we have, right now, the numbers tell us that there is a very high chance that a person is going to have sex outside of marriage. If they don't, if they don't care, like if they're not, if they're not worried about their spirituality, it's not worried about their connection with last minute.
So I'm not it's not a leap here to say, you know, the reason why we're careful when we talk to the opposite gender is because
we don't want to get into cinema. That's not a leap. That's the reality. And once again, going back to the norms of our society here, I mean, for me,
the me tube movement was very telling of the society that we're living in. Because as Muslims were like, the certain things that shouldn't happen. So number one, like nope, like, normally, if you're not related to the person, it's an honor to be touching them. Right. And I know, you'll say there's a different opinion also scholars, whether it's okay to shake the hand of the opposite gender, that whatever side of the argument you fall, you fall on, Fine, whatever your opinion is, but all of the scholars will agree that that should have become the norm for Muslims.
That physical touch should be avoided, not and that's my opinion, as well, that the default should be that we don't have the opposite gender.
We don't. And so, you know, I've had a lot I remember,
a lot of these meet, actually one of these cases, right, but a lot of them are very similar in the two cases. It's basically
a woman saying,
I was I was harassed.
And I was very uncomfortable with the situation. And then the guy comes and says, No, no, no, I didn't mean it like that. Right. I just, this is just how I am. You don't think having happening with Biden right now? Was What's that? What's up situation? He's like sniffing people's hair and stuff. Right? And, and you're like, yo, that's uncomfortable, like, stop. And he's like, No, no, that's just how I talk to people.
Like caressing people's shoulder and stuff.
And he's like, No, no, that's just that's just, you know, that's just how old school like guys did this.
And it's like, as a Muslim, we would say, well, that shouldn't even be a question. Because there should be no physical contact with
john Lasseter, you know, that is anyone over that is
he was the head of Pixar and Disney.
He, I don't know if he resigned or got fired. But he's not the head of Pixar anymore. Because there were a few of the women who worked with him who said he would kind of like be inappropriate with them. And what was the whole thing in some of the cases were
that women were saying, like he put his hand on our thigh
and you put it put our put his hand, like on our shoulder and stuff, and they're like, you know what?
Now that everyone's, you know, the me to movement started, we must say, we were not comfortable with that. We were never comfortable with that.
And he came back and said, No, no, I was just like, that's just how I, you know, I'm just being friendly. Putting my head spin from this is how I am. As a Muslim, we would say, that should have never even been in a discussion that should not even be a discussion. Because as a Muslim, or like, there's gotta be, there's gotta be some type of a, not a physical barrier, but at least a spiritual barrier. When we say, look, as a believer, like, I don't get that close, like, I wouldn't do that. So there would never be that question.
And some have a lot. If we were living our lives in that way, we would find the bulk of that very issue. Right? There's goodness in Yeah, I know, we think of it as restrictions. Right? I get it. Right. Just like, you know, guys, and girls shouldn't just go and hang out or whatever. And be clear. I get it. You know, sometimes you're like,
why is this? Why is this why so strict. But we forget, once again, the when we have these aspects of our faith, it's not about restricting us like, a lot doesn't need for us to do something or not do something.
It's just that we believe our Creator knows his best. He knows who we are, he knows how we behave, you know, what type of behavior patterns are not good for us.
And therefore a lot of legislated these matters. And I'm going to share with you a story. And let's see, I'm just gonna grab.
Yeah, okay. Anyway, last story. intellia Tada. And I remember this story, actually, today.
Usually, I prepare my talks, and then the date of,
I sit down and go over my talk again.
Because I want to, I want to remember in the context of where I'm speaking. So as I came in today, I flew in today, and the brother picked me up, and we're talking about college, and so on, so forth. And it's been a long time to tech graduated from college. So it's kind of like getting back in the zone, like getting back in, you know, what it feels like to be a college student.
And I remember the incident that happened to me to one of my classes.
One of my professors, this is my senior year. And I was taking a study design. So we might design classes, and these classes, because they were like senior level classes. They were very long, right? So two, three hours sometimes. And so one of my classes, I think, is my last semester or second last semester.
At the beginning of the semester, I realized that this class, the way the time that it's at like most when it comes right in the middle. And so I went to my professor, I said, Hey, listen, is it okay? If I step out for like, five minutes in the middle of the class, and it's, a lot of times, we're just working in class, like we're on our laptops working?
Any any system is very interesting to me. He said, Look,
he said, what why do you need this? Why don't you step out and I said, Look, I got a break.
He goes, Okay, I said, Yeah, you know, to explain, they want to look, as a Muslim.
We pray five times a day. And every prayer has like a set time. So this time, like, you got to pray,
you know, at sunset, and we don't have a lot of time. For the other prayers. We have a lot more time for this prayer, we have less time. So I've had a prayer time. And he goes, he goes, look, I'm not going to stop you from like, you know, practicing your faith or whatever. Right? Like you, do you because but I'm just going to say I don't get it. I'm like, What do you mean, what don't you get? Because I don't get why God would need you to pray at a very specific time. Isn't God supposed to be like, all powerful? All great. So why does God care? Whether you pray now or later? And then he goes, as a matter of fact, why does God need to pray at all? That's how a lot.
I knew that he was wrong. I just didn't know how to explain it. Because a couple years before that, I wasn't even really closely. Right? So I made a conscious decision to practice might accept my faith and practice my faith. Right? And I was like, and I tried to answer him, but I couldn't, you know, like, someone says something to you and you got like a really good comeback, but it comes to you like 30 minutes later. Right? It's one of those moments. And I was like, uh, you know, but it's fine. You gotta pray, pray.
And then later on, I had a lot. And this was further solidified for me as I studied Islam. I learned how to put this into words and to explain why we pray at a certain time. The reality is
that he's right. God is all powerful. He doesn't have any need.
He doesn't need us to pray at that specific time. A lot doesn't care. But a lot has legislated the prayer a specific times, for whose benefit
our benefits. And if you just sit and contemplate this matter, even for a couple minutes, just a few moments, you begin to realize the wisdom in it. Now I'll just share one of the points of reflection I have on prayer. And that is the following of love is kind of like to add up has created as all human beings
with certain innate needs, right? Some of them are obvious, we all get it, the need to drink, we all survive without eating and drinking. Right? Obviously, the need to be social beings, right? To live in a community to live with other people. It's part of who we are the need to be entertained, by the way, it's a real need. We all have these. And that's why people who are like, all entertainment is how long like you can't last like you don't live that life for so long. Until you're like, wait a minute, maybe like I've taken a step too far here. Right? So yes, even in Islam, we are, there's entertainment, we're allowed to share ourselves. I taught a whole class on this called the tip of
chillin, by the way, where we talked about entertainment and what was not so so forth. The whole idea of that class was to say, look, it's not that we can entertain ourselves, it's that we have certain boundaries that we shouldn't go outside, right? also one of the needs that we all have,
as human beings, is that we are all created to be spiritual beings. So we have spiritual needs,
like our other needs, if we don't fulfill our needs, sooner or later, it's gonna affect our lives, we're gonna feel like something is off. Like, something's not right. And so a person may live their life without any type of spirituality, right without believing anything beyond themselves, right? Like, it's me, and my life and my dunya, or whatever it may be, and that's it. But at some point, they may feel like something's missing, and that something is missing leads means it's your soul calling out and saying, hey, look, I have spiritual needs, you're not doing anything about it.
And that's why sometimes people like break down, even though they may have everything in the world, right? They may have been given all the wealth in the world, what else do we desire, recognition, they may have all the recognition in the world, they may be popular everything, but the spiritual component is missing. And so they may break down. So a lot knows that we have spiritual beings, and therefore, a lot has made it where we have certain requirements, those requirements mean that that is the bare minimum we need to do in order to feel spiritually fulfilled.
That's what our thoughts are, by the way, the fun part, the fun aspects, the obligatory aspects of our faith, are the bare minimum we need to do in order to feel spiritually fulfilled. Beyond that it's extra, we can get more spiritual, we can increase in our in our worship, and feel a heightened sense of spirituality, which many of you have felt in the multiple bond? Do we have to put them away in a lot? Yes or no?
No, we don't, is not an obligation. But we prayed. Why? Because we're seeking a heightened sense of sense of spirituality in the month of Ramadan. So those
four aspects of our Deen, that's the bare minimum, a lot of knows that we need in order to feel spiritually fulfilled. And a lot of knows that if you've left it up to us, because once again, my professor was like, what's it matter when you pray? Right? And straight up, there are Muslims who are like, Yeah, that makes sense. So you know what, I'll just go home at the end of the day, and pray all my prayers together. God wants me to pray five times a day, I'll pray five times a day, but all together, because why does God care? But the reality is that Allah has no effect. If he had not legislated those five prayers at those specific times, we would let it go. And then we would feel
like our spiritual needs are not being fulfilled. And that's why the percent of the Ask the companions, he said, What would you say, of a person who goes and takes a bath in the river or baits in the river five times a day? Would there be any dirt or filth upon them? And the defendant said, No, you'd be so clean, right? Five times a day hope he goes and takes a shower. how clean would you be very clean. And my son said, likewise, is the soul. Likewise is the prayer. If you're praying five times a day, that means at least five times a day, we are refocusing and we're out
We ourselves, I, we're telling ourselves, I need the bulk of this prayer in my life.
And that is what motivates me.
So I wish I could have said this to my professor back then try to find him on Facebook, I couldn't.
But the last thing I'll say is this, it felt like a job. And that is that as we we live it, you know, when I was discussing this topic
with your MSA,
I told him, I said, Look, I do believe that most people understand that just taking the world thing means is not enough. that deep down inside, we all understand that there has to be something else. So for me tonight is just about refocusing all of us and saying, look deep down inside, you understand that the results are not in your hands, that you can do everything and still not get the result. And that's why that spiritual component has to be there. It has to be part of who we are. And that's why the Prophet he it said on Jesus, he said, What generate any Mubarak and he said, allies, maybe mobarak, wherever I may be robotic, meaning what is the source of goodness, right? It
brings goodness, wherever he may be. And he helps people, he's there. And that's why we want to be robotic as well. That when we are in a room, or in a gathering, or somewhere else, the question I usually ask people, I said, Look, as a Muslim, are you a robot person?
Do people feel that you help bring goodness into their lives? And sometimes that's just a reminder.
Right? Can we each have like as a community and from the level of icms, as is beautiful? Because I know that on our own, there's time you're not strong enough, right? You're with your friends. And it's that one person who says, hey, maybe Let's pray.
Maybe this is wrong. Maybe we shouldn't back by right now, maybe you shouldn't talk about this person. It's wrong. And you know what, we're going to lose bubblegum. And so our our friendship or gathering, whatever we're doing together will not be blessed. And we're going to lose out on any benefit, or the benefit that we were getting from this gathering. So as the last panel to Allah, to put Baraka, in your MSA, and ask the last time to, to put barakah in each and every one of your lives, our lives and ask about this kind of data to make us a means of Buttercup for each other. That alone is hammered out and knows best. So how to Colombo become the headwinds
associated with the week.