Palestine Sisters’ Circle to Learn, Cope & Pray

Rania Awaad


Channel: Rania Awaad

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with Dr. Zahra Murtaza and Wajma Nasir

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A couple of years ago, I had published an article and it was during the time of the New Zealand shootings, which was also a very difficult moment for the Muslim ummah, and terrible. And so many people were also glued to the news at that point, because, unfortunately, there was footage of the entire carnage that happened.

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But also because many families had a hard time with how do you exactly talk to children about all of this. So live article at the time, which Subhanallah we've pulled it out so many times since that's a particular that was 2019.

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And an article is called the profound prophetic wisdom and speaking to children in times of distress, and for those of you who are on the Zoom, I'm going to put this in the chat box for you. And for those of you who are on our WhatsApp group, I'm going to also put it for you there in case you'd like to reference it later.

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I will start with that inshallah. And then we have our experts here next to me who are going to

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talk both about Muslim children identity, and also about how to cope and what to do and how to help, inshallah to Adam, I think, though, you'll find that a lot of what's being referenced today, actually applies to all of us here to not just our children. So Pamela, so let's go ahead and talk a little bit about this article and what I wanted to share with you.

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For me, when I think about how the prophets Allah, Juana who was sending talk to everybody around him, there was this beautiful prophetic way in which he spoken Subhan Allah Our Holika was meant to be a description of the prophets of Elias and then because we had started about beyond our before everything, the most recent events had happened. And we had to of course shift gears because this really is a time that requires intense draw and prayer.

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But back to the prophets Allah Allahu Allah who was sending him when you think about how it is that he spoke specifically to young people, and especially to people in his family

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you know, there are many people who are very

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How do I say this and not get myself in trouble.

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They are known in their communities to be Oh Masha Allah, Masha, Allah, masha Allah sisters or brothers.

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But at home, it's a completely different face and tone.

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But Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what you saw is what you've gone inside and out.

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And whether it was his own child, or whether it was his, any one of his family members, or whether it was his closest companions and friends, or whether it was the the broader community, what you saw was what you got. And that's something very important and very special about him sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and we take example from him we take from his sunnah, even in times of distress and difficulty. And another thing that I wanted to share about him is he spoke is when we talk about children to their level. And I think that's really important today, and part of the conversation we're going to have a little bit with our therapist as well is, you know, he was very keen on making

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sure that the person in front of him understood what he was saying, and that they were not over, burdened unnecessarily. And this becomes really important about kind of age appropriate milestones here at the Dharma Foundation, those of you have girls and our holidays here, you'll know that one of the things that we really like pride ourselves on insha, Allah to Allah help. It's accurate and true, is that and we've been doing this for years is that the content that we teach in the different groups that you have your girls and right, the frogs and bunnies and the rainbows and the busy bees and the rose buds, right? That they're age appropriate content, that we're not talking to frogs and

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bunnies about very difficult things to understand. In fact, we're trying to break it down to their toddler level, right, the four and five and six year olds, and when we get all the way to your busy bees, your middle schoolers, now we start to get into kind of like some conversation and definitely by the high school, right, we're starting to get into heavy, heavy conversations. But it's age appropriate. Because what we find is that there are

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just like, there are physical milestones, right? You know, when your child starts walking and talking and eating, like there's different milestones that you look out for, right? And same thing, just like your physical biases, there's cognitive milestones, what could be understood one, because children's panela sometimes have

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very concrete thinking. They don't understand a lot of nuance. So when you try to read, I'll give you an example. We tend to start to reach

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teach could add from Jews a Aamna. Because the 30th parts, right is the small suttas. But it's also the suttas with a lot of heavy, heavy references and a lot of metaphorical references and also things related to heaven and hell, which are not metaphors, those are real, but it's hard for them to fully understand something they can't see directly in front of them. And there's reference to jinn and reference to angels and reference to other things that they can't children can't quite see

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It was a time for a lot of confusion, actually. And so interestingly enough, a lot of our teachers say they memorize them. But when you come to explanation, you're careful in what you say, because otherwise, you might actually teach them something that is not appropriate age wise right then and there for them. But they, they absolutely should and will learn it but a little bit later, right? Same concept here, same concept here. And so what I wanted to share with you, and I think, Sister Wajima, and doctors are both going to kind of pick up here from where I start with you, whenever there is a really horrific tragedy that's unfolding. In this case, it's still unfolding in front of

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us, it's very likely that at some point, the young people around you are going to ask about this if they haven't already. And when they do, there's a decision to be made about what to say, and when. And to who

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I would say this, I'm going to go through part of what the article talks about, and then surely, you'll get to reference it. But the most important thing that you can do is know that it starts with you. It starts with us, us adults. It starts with us, because it depends on how we're doing. Somebody shared with me

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that their young child said to them,

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Why do you look so stressed out?

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And that the mom said, because there's all these difficult things happening. And the daughter said, and you shouldn't be reading the news, Mama.

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So cute. That's a logical, but also they pick up. It's amazing how much children pick up that they understand. Even if you don't say anything, when you are stressed out, they understand that something is off, right? And then they start picking up snippets of conversations, if not full on, you've taken them to protest with you. So they've seen everything with you SubhanAllah. And every every family's little bit different. But it starts with us at how much we

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engage with our children, and what's happening with us in real time. So for glued constantly to the phone and not engaging with them, there are a lot of questions that they're having. And it's very confusing, actually for them. So what do you do? Part of it is preparing. And this is why we're having this Holika today, part of it is preparing as best as you can, it's not always perfect. And with the preparing, which we're doing tonight, Inshallah, the next step from that comes inquiring actually asking them

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what they know, or allowing them to come up to you and waiting for that. And this depends on their age. So let's kind of break this down a little bit. For those of you that have that frog, somebody's age group, I was talking about the 3456 year olds, avoid sharing anything unnecessarily with this age group, they're kind of in their lala land.

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And they need to stay there as best as much as we can.

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And only if we suspect that they know something, or they say that they know something, because maybe they have an older sibling that has said something to them, or maybe they have heard something that you've said. So at that point, you can ask them what they've heard, that's upsetting them, and help them understand it a bit better, which I'm going to leave to Sister wedgemount. Explain to us a bit more when we get to the age group that's after that. So let's talk about your like your seven to 12 year olds. This is where you want to wait and see.

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Wait and see. If they come to you. I want to ask these questions. At the end. I say this because every child is different. You even might have several children, yourself, same parents, same household, but every child is different Spatola I have one child who's very in tune, like I could be saying something in the other room.

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And like how did you even hear that? But

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I have another child who is totally aloof, blah, blah, blah, we aloof. Right? And so I'm like, how did you not see that? Right SubhanAllah. And so same household, same family.

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And so this is where you would wait and see if they ask us. And in this age group of seven to 12, if they don't actually come up and ask you or initiate the conversation, you may choose to just sort of let it be the way it is.

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It could be that they are not fully plugged into what's going on. Or it could be that they're not willing to yet fully tell you how heavy this is for them. And this is where if it's not in words, because sometimes young children don't have words to explain. Instead, they show their distress in other ways. Well, how do they show their distress? Well, it could be forms of regression, where they're kind of going backwards, right? And things that you're kind of like what's going on here? Like, you know, you usually don't wake up in the middle of the night scared, right? Or you usually are not scared to sleep with the lights off, you know, things loose things like that, where they're

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kind of going backwards from the milestones they've already

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came up through.

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And so you might want to ask them at that point, you know, kind of sit with them and figure out what is it that they have seen or heard or understood and then process that with them, which we'll talk about a little later. How do you process your teenagers? This is where you're just as

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assume that they know, of course, they have to have no right. In fact, if you've given them one of these things,

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they absolutely have known and seen, and maybe very active, maybe even more than you expect, or shallow. And it's really important that even at that point that you help fill in the blanks, because there could be confusion. And there could be also questions where there could be bullying that's been happening, or harassment of different sorts. And if they're not fully opening up to you

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don't expect at this stage that they'll come up and say anything, and might require you to ask and kind of pull as much as you're able to. And I also like to make sure that we don't do touch on anybody who has children with disabilities, I think this is important to to touch base on when you this is where it really depends on what level of ability they have, and their comprehension and level of understanding. And it may not match necessarily physical age, as you can imagine. And so you will know your child best, nobody knows them better than you do. But I think it's also important that we don't just assume that they don't necessarily know what's happening or tapped in. So I just

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want to make sure that you are

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kind of aware of some of these the breakdown of some of this. And I'll just share two more things before I hand this over the importance of listening.

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And the importance of validating.

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The listening becomes really important because so often as parents, we do this thing called problem solving, we go immediately into problem solving mode, you know, who said that to you? What did they do with it that immediately, when actually, and while you may need to take some steps to rectify what's happened. The reality is you need to kind of like, kind of pull the reins just a little bit, and just hear them out. Because maybe it's something that they've dealt with, or maybe they don't want you to deal with, or whatever it may be. But what they really want from you is to be heard, right to be seen to be heard. And the validating has a lot to do with whatever their emotions are,

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including your own, by the way, validating your own emotions. I've heard so many people in this week, this past week, say, I feel so terrible. But that doesn't matter. Because what's happening to my sisters and brothers is beyond worse than what's going on to me. My response to that is, your emotions are what Allah gave you. And your reality is what Allah gave you. And their reality is what Allah gave them. And it is very difficult to witness.

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The reality is though, Allah didn't ask you to erase your emotions.

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Does that make sense?

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Allah has put us in a place where we have the running water and electricity and the safety and the prosperity and all the rest of it.

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And there are sisters and brothers across the OMA that don't have any of the above.

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And it's hard.

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Allah knows what he's doing, and knows where he put each person. And we'll ask each person accordingly. And that's probably what scares me the most more than whether we have big emotions or small emotions. What worries me the most, is having all of this and then being asked by Allah subhanaw taala because those who are in those situations, that really horrific things that we're seeing, they're not going to have the kind of hisab we're going to have. Do you know what I'm trying to say here?

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And that's where we ask ourselves, what can we do? What should we be doing, which will be part of our conversations, inshallah Tada, but I just wanted to say, to validate, don't don't shut down your emotions or their emotions, whatever they may be, even if you don't fully agree with them. Does that make sense? So from here in sha Allah, I'm going to pass the mic actually, first to Dr. Sahaja. Who mashallah I want to introduce to you to her if you don't know her yet Dr. Zaha Mota Tessa is part of our family at the Madison nonprofit organization on Muslim and tall which by the way, we have our booth here, and I hope you'll they're here specifically today because so many families and

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individuals have said, we're having a really hard time and so our kids so please, in this conversation, we'll share everything we can on the panel here. But then I want you to please get some materials and tap in actually here at MCC we have a Mara Stan office in person. It's actually right in that corner over there.

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That you can come in person or virtual Doctor Zaha in particular works with our MMA Chai program. It stands for a Muslim Mental Health Initiative that happens on campuses, college campuses, so she works very directly with our college students and your case Dr. Sata at Stanford. So, Michelle, we have a program Mm hmm. That's at Stanford University and one that's at UC Berkeley. Mashallah. So, Dr. Sardo works on the Stanford with the Stanford group, and Masha Allah will share with us a little bit about Muslim identity. What does it mean? Having that Muslim identity for youth specifically, and will take us on what happens if they're harassed

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Leave having a hard time before we pass over to Mr. Watchmen.

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Thank you Dr.

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Fairness I want to go on when I come first to you both and

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it's an honor to have Dr. Rania fix my hijab. Mashallah, I can I can now say Dr. Ronnie has helped me, Michelle. So it is so nice to see all of you.

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I like you and still experiencing all the emotions of this recent week or two or three can't keep tracks upon Allah. And it's just an honor to be back at MCC This is actually my childhood Masjid. So I'm seeing some familiar faces here. It's so lovely to see all of you, although old and new faces. Some of them are minor Haim. So as Dr. Rania mentioned, I am a psychologist, I work with Morriston. I also work with Children's Health Council. So I do work with children, teens and young adults as well as their parents. So I am pretty familiar with having difficult conversations when it comes to stress trauma, dealing with difficult life transitions, and thinking about what's going on. Really

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the only words I have are in that Allah here we're in Nyla Herodion, verily, to Allah we belong and to Him as our return.

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I wanted to start with that, because in the face of tragedies, we often don't know what to do what to say. And this expression from our faith from our iman, it's that expression of, we're just going to trust in Allah subhanaw taala. And just say that, truly it is to him that we belong and to Him is our return. And it's okay, as Dr. Rania mentioned, to acknowledge all of our emotions first and to take care of our emotions, before we get in the caretaker role of our family, as we say, when you're as we hear when you get on the airplane, put on your own oxygen mask before you put someone else's on. And I know today's sister watchman is also going to get into self care and strategies. But I

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just also wanted to emphasize that so you're hearing that from all three of us. So I speak to you today as a sister and faith fellow human being. And as a family member who is grieving these terrible tragedies right now. And I say tragedies, because there are multiple, complex tragedies happening all at once. And I think that's what also adds to the pain and suffering across communities. And it also makes the response with our children, with ourselves, with our co workers with our schools really nuanced. And sometimes it may be very difficult to know what to say when someone else is also hurting and suffering at the same time. So whether we're talking about

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Felicity, and none of us are directly whether we're talking about people killed in Israel, we're talking about human rights, we're talking about people's dignity to live right. Especially the children are talking about children, right.

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You know, we've talked about these topics a lot in our community, unfortunately. And a lot of us may be feeling that deja vu right now for those who have gone through those years after 911 or who have, as Dr. Rania was saying, seen and heard about other tragedies affecting our community. So I guess I just want to start with that there are so many different layers of grief right now across communities, and we're familiar with a lot of those things. So it's important to start there when we talk about identity. Right now as Muslims, we are seeing our brothers and sisters and Philistine going through the most atrocious of tragedies, I mean, no words, I mean, genocide, plain and clear.

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So that it hurts our Muslim faith, our identity there, it hurts our humanity as human beings. For those of us here who are out of or from Arab backgrounds, or who are from Philistine from Palestine, there's that extra layer of like, shared, you know, community.

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And as we know, for Muslims, whether or not we're from Palestine, eliquids, it holds a very special place in our hearts. So there's that multiple layers of connection of identity here, and it's okay to feel all the emotions that come with belonging to those multiple identities. There could be fear, sadness, anger, rage, confusion, all of those emotions, just not even knowing how we feel and that's also okay. But just to validate that all of those identities that we belong to, they are coming up, not only as we grieve, but also in our day to day spaces. When we go to school, when we go to work, if we take public transportation, even as you drive down the street, you know, you're like sometimes

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maybe aware of how you look if you're visible Muslim. I see you

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I know many of you, Michelle wearing hijab right now, some of you may also wear hijab outside. So there's that visible aspect too. So just starting with that, I want to say that in the current climate, it's important to think about those identities, but also think about this word called backlash. When someone who looks like us,

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is told like they committed a crime, right? We know what happens in our society, like the whole group gets the blame. Unfortunately, we've seen it across communities we've seen in the Muslim community, and Subhanallah, as we also discussed Monday with that circle, with Dr. Rania and everyone, we are all grieving. Many of you may have heard about what happened with with the others by you, me, may Allah rest of Solon peace, I think that, for many of us was our worst fear. I mean, we're thinking about how is our community going to experience?

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How is our community going to be affected by what's happening, far away, but then coming over here. So I just want to name those things. I know, they're obvious. But I also think it's important to name where some of those emotions may be coming from with our identities with someone then, who is from our community who was targeted, and may Allah rest of soul and peace. And so, again, I want to acknowledge it's heavy, it's a collective trauma, we all are affected in some way by trauma, we all have different experiences, of course, when we experience a stressor, or know somebody who experiences that it may not be touching us all in the same way, but it somehow does affect us. We

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may know family in Gaza, or we may have a friend who has family there, or simply watching the news and just remembering our brothers and sisters. The thing I've heard from a lot of teachers this week, a lot of therapist and just humans is that. Sometimes you wonder why why are these emotions in me? Like why am I feeling all this? And, and? Or how and how do I cope with it? Just as a reminder, if you feel these emotions, it means you're alive, your heart is alive. Your heart is a vessel from Allah subhanaw taala. And if it's hurting, it means you care. You're seeing the humanity of your brothers and sisters. So it's about how do we use our heart that is hurting right now? And how do we

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talk to our children and our families when we are hurting, and they might be hurting as well.

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And of course, not to assume, as Dr. Rania mentioned, because they may have different levels of knowledge about what's happening.

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So some of the tools that I want to share with you today, they've been taken from National Child Traumatic Stress Network, and there are also a lot of great resources online for parents. So I encourage all of you to look at that website, and also many other websites out there. For parents that just have a lot of great coping tools like dealing with tragedy, this article Dr. Rania shared, it's actually almost like half of my outline was actually exactly your article. So I guess I should have just referenced your article.

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So how can parents support their kids, especially at this time, first, as Dr. Rania said, acknowledging your own emotions, acknowledge them, and get that support? I think all of you coming here, right now, it's a great just show of community and also, you're holding space for yourself, by allowing yourself to be taken care of by somebody. I think in many of our roles as mothers, family members, if you're teachers, even therapists in here, you're taking care of somebody else, it's a lot of work, it's actually just laboring a lot of times, right. So just allow yourself to be taken care of by other people, whether it is a friend, a family member, a spouse, a therapist, allow

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yourself to be taken care of this week and regularly inshallah. So all of you coming here, I see that as you are allowing yourself to get that support inshallah from sisterhood.

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The other thing to keep in mind is when we are flooded or overwhelmed, we're seeing a lot of things and the media, right? We may not be in a place where we can respond in a wise way. Okay, I've seen a lot of this this week, where we are in emotion mind with something where you know, we're responding through emotion. So, if your child comes and talks to you or something is happening, just monitor where am I at right now? Am I in a sort of calm state of mind right now or am I have I just read a really disturbing article seeing some really horrific things happening? Right, just kind of assess the state of your mind and I see some young people in here mashallah, as and I'm guessing the very

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young people may not have kids yet. So let's say if someone comes to talk to you about what's happening

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In Gaza or in the world, and you're all riled up, do you think it's gonna be effective to relay your message right now, I see you nodding your head shake, right, exactly. So whoever you're giving the message to or talking to first, just notice your own state of being right now.

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And if you're not in a place where you can engage, there's a really helpful framework that I did see on National Child Traumatic Stress Network. And it's called pause, rest and nourish. And it's a helpful framework that first just says, Hey, if you're overwhelmed, right now, take a pause, it's actually want all of us right now to take a pause, including me. And just notice your emotions that this moment

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do a quick scan of your body. And notice, where is this emotion right now in your body?

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Sometimes we have mixed emotions. And that's also okay, especially in a very, very conflicting and extremely difficult time like this.

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The next thing, once we notice our emotional state is to reset our emotional state. And there could be a small thing we could do, such as the code, which we were doing, doing some deep breaths, just taking a quick walk, or like getting out for fresh air for a minute, if you're in an office, or you're in your house throughout the day, okay.

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Or if you've been scrolling and scrolling on your newsfeed, right, you can tell yourself, you know, I'm gonna get up right now off my phone, and go drink some water. And, you know, we'll come back to my desk later. But it's just taking that quick reset. The next is nourishing, and that's basically filling your cup. And this is something not only for all of us, but also for our children and our families, is to create routines in our daily life, where we can actually reset all of our emotional energy. So that could mean at the end of the day, having a family dinner together, it could be having a core on time or circles. It could even be something simple, like the drive and the school,

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checking in, maybe you you sing a favorite song together, recite some favorite ties together, or just have a little ritual that you do.

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For me personally, this last week, I realized I was not exercising as much as I like to and that was taking a toll on my body. And I finally handle I got out to my gym class. And, you know, there was some of the lake, you know, thank you. We all need that positive reinforcement, right. But I think part of it was also finding some safety again, and going out in public spaces. And I said, I have to go, I mean, I need to go to my gym class. And so I didn't know that was me helping myself find routine again. We know with kids, what's with trauma exposure, getting back into routines is really, really crucial.

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So as Dr. Rania already beautifully said, it's about when you're talking to kids, asking them what they already know. And, you know, I want to also link this to the school setting, when your kids are going to school. And I think I'm going to focus more on the older than six, because as we said, with younger than six, we're going to really limit the exposure that they have, unless they bring it up or unless we're noticing some kind of clinical symptoms or regression. So with the older kids, simply ask them, What do you know already, they bring it up, and then deeply listen, rather than trying to fix it rather than trying to problem solve? And then ask them what questions do you have?

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Because if you just fill in all of the blanks, they may just think, Hey, you gave me way more information than I even needed or asked for Right? Or that may be happening. So just asking them, What would you like to know? And one perspective, I think that's really important as a Muslim, but also just as a human being in this really confusing time. Stay humble, because you may not know everything, we don't know everything we know, there's so much misinformation out there with propaganda, different news sources, kind of telling your child and your team in this world, there's a lot of different opinions, how can we work together to find the answers? Let's, you know, do some

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research together. And that can be a way that they also can, you know, as if they're a team, for example, help support you and the family to share their research skills a little bit if they if they like that budding journalist, maybe?

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No, but actually, it's just keeping the conversation open. It's more about the process than actually what answer you give them. Some of you may be asking, give me like, the best thing I can do. And unfortunately, we don't have the one perfect answer for you today. It's more of the process and it's your relationship with your child. It's really about creating that secure attachment, maintaining that attachment that hey, you're safe to ask anything. I'm here to listen, I may not know all the answers, but that's okay.

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At work, we're in it together.

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So you're modeling as a family that you're there to keep your child safe, and that adults in their life are supposed to keep them safe inshallah we, we really want to exude that message and model that to our kids. So Dr. Rania also talked about warning signs with younger kids. With elementary school kids, I'm going to mention also just excessive fear, worry and sadness, they may be bringing up that kids are commenting about, you know, Israel and Palestine or bringing up certain news in their classroom. And just even asking them, how did that make you feel? Or like, Okay, what was that discussion, like? And just notice, if you're seeing some strong emotional reactions from your child

00:30:43--> 00:30:58

and see, do you want to talk about that more with me? They may just be noticing it but not having an emotional reaction. So we also don't want to put it on them like, Oh, why did your teacher say that? Or why did that kids say that? To see what they kind of bring up first? Insha Allah?

00:31:00--> 00:31:02

Want to be mindful of time? How much time do I have?

00:31:03--> 00:31:04


00:31:05--> 00:31:48

Also, when hearing about what's going on, there's a lot of misinformation and one sided Enos right now, right. And I think that's where a lot of Muslims and Palestine supporters, of course, like are feeling like, why is the Palestinian voice silenced and your kids may be feeling that too in their schools. So that's where I think reminding them there are so many opinions out there. And a lot of times the media is distorted. And, you know, we're going to kind of work together on sharing resources with your teacher or finding comfortable ways to share that with their classroom. I want to say that very carefully, though, because as we know, there is hate out there, and you want to be

00:31:48--> 00:32:26

very careful in the environment your child is in. So I think if we were sitting in a different state than California, maybe there are other things we need to consider in our social and political context, like 100 of them were here in California in the Bay Area. And still we know there, there is racism out there, there is Islamophobia out there, even here. But I guess I just want to say I can't give one answer. But you knowing about your child's classroom, the classroom culture, the school culture, having contacts at the school, such as a personal connection with the school counselor, or principal, you know, administration, I think that is a big strength. And that's time, so that you

00:32:26--> 00:33:06

know, who to reach out to, if needed. So, kind of on that note, safety planning is something we do a lot as therapists. And I also like to think of in these times, what is a plan of safety if your child is going into school, and there's a climate like this, I think a just knowing who those safe adults are to talk to at their school. So it could be a teacher, it could be not even the principal, but like their Spanish teacher or something, because they just have a good relationship with them. And having that one on one conversation that like, hey, just so you know, my kid is struggling a bid right now, here's what we need right now to support them. And if you are a teen in this group, it's

00:33:06--> 00:33:14

amazing to see you. And I hope you can also reach out and just find some safe person to talk to at your school, or outside of school. Inshallah.

00:33:16--> 00:33:39

I would also say what school culture, a lot of people, a lot of moms have been reaching out with statements or you know, that this response is one sided, keep up that work, as long as you feel you can do it and don't feel like you have the burden to keep doing that there are also other parents, right. So stay connected with other parents who share those views, and you can get community with

00:33:40--> 00:34:20

finally, you know, California law is very clear about anti bullying and about, you know, this no discrimination policy. And so if you ever feel that that is happening, bullying, harassment, discrimination, please reach out to Care Council on American Islamic Relations. A lot of you may have heard of them. They're very accessible. I mean, you give them a call and you just report Hey, something happened. I don't know what that was, but I'm not comfortable. They can guide you in terms of what should you do? What are your rights? What are the options that you have to get help? And sometimes even connecting with them and then reaching out to the person who did that like that just

00:34:20--> 00:34:23

sets a very clear boundary that this is not okay.

00:34:26--> 00:34:59

There are a lot more other things but I would just say, channeling all of those emotions in sha Allah into you know, practical things you can do. That's one of the things in our control in sha Allah like educating ourselves and others advocacy and help donate, write letters protest, praying and doing thicker I also want to share with you kind of a nuanced idea that's very important. Your kids are going to be surrounded by very diverse views out there, and so are you. You're gonna have neighbors who have maybe very good

00:35:00--> 00:35:17

Aren't views about Leza, Israel and Palestine, you're gonna have people on your Facebook and social media and they have very different views, modeling to your kids. Listen, this is our Code of Conduct as Muslims. And you know, we don't respond to hate with

00:35:19--> 00:35:55

being worse or, you know, we have a prophetic model for how to use our tongue and to use our character, right. And, you know, if you're having a hard time with that reach out to people like Dr. Rania, and listen to all of the great talks right now, whether she you and just remember that, you know, your kids are going to be faced with a lot of different views and reminding them all those different views, those are from families that may have their own histories and cultures and may be hurting in their own ways. And, you know, we have some different ways of looking at an educate yourselves, as a family, so many books online about how to talk to your kids about Palestine, I

00:35:55--> 00:36:22

don't want to go into all of them. But you can even Google this or children's books about Palestine, that if your kids are bringing it up, then you can chill or read these with them. So with that said, May Allah make it easy for each and every one of us because we are shepherds of our families. And it's an honor and it can also be a lot of yeah, a lot of energy that goes into it. So Sokolow fair for being here. And Allah reward all of you.

00:36:25--> 00:36:30

Appreciate you, I'm just gonna take this really quick shot Allah. Thank you. Thank you.

00:36:31--> 00:37:11

Thank you, Dr. SATA. Welcome. Whenever Michelle law is joining us as well, from medicine, why don't you come in Michelle, one want to thank you, all of these lovely ladies special workout Amanda, Stan. So we're really excited to have them here and as a resource for all of you, and also stirs in data. So now, Sheila, is our outreach coordinator for Madison. So you have five different people who work with Madison here in the room, all women, yes, all women, Michelle, de la, who are here as a resource for you. And so after our discussion with the panel will stick around so that you guys if you have specific questions or needs, please do come to us, several of you are on our WhatsApp

00:37:11--> 00:37:46

threads. And I've just posted something in there that relates to care. You mentioned care, which is a council on Islamic American South American Islamic Relations, there we go, which is a reporting guideline that if any of the children or yourselves are being harassed and this time is to do immediately a report. Now you might say I don't want to report with their names and my names but the reality is, even if it's anonymous, it's important because they're keeping track of what is actually happening for our communities at this time. So I'm actually encouraging you to please go ahead with the report and certainly if you need more help beyond just reporting, they also are able to help you

00:37:46--> 00:38:22

in that way. Another thing that I'm going to a couple of two more things that I haven't posted yet but we'll inshallah one is you mentioned very importantly that on Monday we had with Mary Stan a healing circle A could actually it was called the Community circle on the topic of Palestine and we have some of you might have been there some people were there, masha Allah may Allah bless you those who joined us and those who couldn't we have the recording, I think the recording is essential to listen to your Dr. Hatem Bazian, who is an expert on Palestine and Islamophobia speaking on education points specific to this topic. Also right after him you had Bassam and Potter ah, who is

00:38:22--> 00:39:00

the care again, same organization care for legal rights. Sacramento's executive director who was talking about how to take care of your legal rights and your rights for yourself and your family in this difficult and trying time. After him, we had Dr. Just phenom who's over at UCSF who is a psychologist who was talking about your self help care and tips of how to take care of yourself. And and by the way, all of these panelists, all of the speakers on that were actually Palestinian background, which is very helpful because it's like lived experience that they're bringing and centering after him was a shift glottic mostly I was also Palestinian therapist, and Shia both

00:39:01--> 00:39:35

mashallah, who gave kind of a spiritual perspective of self care. And then Dr. Ahmed is today mentioned how much today and then also Subhanallah he was supposed to be live with us and he was sort of live while he was standing in Chicago. Imagine this in front of the very masjid, in which the janazah the funeral prayer for what the hell was happening. And he was recording a very important message actually, which I hope all of you can listen to, from right in front of there because he was he flew, right literally messaged me like on his way into Chicago and said, I'm gonna have to do this kind of a by video. Because I need to go and he went special. May Allah bless him.

00:39:35--> 00:40:00

And then of course, the burial and so on. And I think those words are powerful and very important, and then of course, the DUA. So that's a resource they'll post for you. The second resource before I hand the mic over to watchmen is a resource that we developed in my lab actually. And marason has now made it public and available to everybody. It's actually a mental health resource guide on Palestine. So it explains a lot of the emotions that many of you are feeling what is this thing called trauma what is

00:40:00--> 00:40:32

system called vicarious trauma. What is this thing called intergenerational trauma? What are all these emotions and feelings that maybe you're experiencing and don't have the exact language to explain what it is? Or your kids are experiencing? Or maybe they're saying and you're like, What is this? It's a very good manual that will show those mashallah researchers may Allah bless them. 12 of them in my lab worked literally day and night, day and night trying to prepare this thing and now it's just free and available to everybody. So please use it and kind of send it out as far as you can to everybody who needs it in sha Allah. And Allah bless again, Mary stan for being being able to

00:40:32--> 00:40:54

take the kind of very good academic work and make it accessible to the public, which is one of the main points of the organization. Without Insha Allah, I'm going to introduce to you Wajima Nelson, and also with me, Danny, both are as I mentioned, part of Madison, Sister Wajima. Michelle is one of our therapists who is a marriage family associate marriage family therapist, and someone one of the people that actually work in this very building.

00:40:55--> 00:40:58

And so I hope until you get to hear from her a little bit about

00:40:59--> 00:41:32

about children specifically, she's going to fill in some of the things we've been talking about. And then sister I'm gonna mashallah is doing her PhD in Psychology at the Palo Alto University hamdulillah and also directs our clinic kind of runs our clinic. Mashallah, so you have lots of great expertise in this room, and lots of amazing woman with great knowledge, please do tap in, if you or your loved ones need that support, and help especially those of you locally or those of you in anywhere in the state of California marason can help easily insha Allah to Allah. And for those of you outside of the stakes, I know there's many people online, may Allah bless you all the website

00:41:32--> 00:41:38

has some other resources, Inshallah, for those who are out of state. So with that, I'm going to pass this over to watch Ma, thank you so much.

00:41:50--> 00:41:50

You're perfect.

00:41:57--> 00:41:58

So it can be everyone.

00:42:00--> 00:42:03

On the law that I'm here, please forgive me if

00:42:05--> 00:42:07

I had a very long day. So if I see anything

00:42:08--> 00:42:19

wrong, just you know, I know, we're all here not judging anyone. So I would appreciate that. I wish we were meeting under different circumstances.

00:42:20--> 00:42:33

But alhamdulillah for the space that we have here. So we could all be here for each other, in support each other in this very difficult time. And everything that I wanted to say has already been shared so

00:42:35--> 00:42:50

so by by Dr. Ranya, and Zahara, but I will, I will share some some stuff, I work with kids, as well. I work with kids from ages four, five, to grade five. And

00:42:52--> 00:43:35

one thing that I wanted to emphasize is that, you know, the kids look up to parents, when it comes to emotional regulation. So you guys are the role model for your kids, they look up to you and see how you deal with your emotions. And that's how they learn to deal with their own emotions. So we have no like, of course, this is such a difficult time. And we're all like almost glued to our TVs and in phones and, you know, whatever page you open, there's something that's very tragic. And it's, you know, we're human, and they are our own loved brothers and sisters, and for some of us could be very close family members. So it's very difficult for us as adults to be really not feeling those

00:43:35--> 00:43:51

intense feelings that come with such, you know, experiencing such major trauma. And kids look up to you. So how you deal with your emotions is how they will do it. And especially the very young ones, they didn't like to see their parents.

00:43:53--> 00:44:12

So what they will do is if they see you not being able to deal with your own emotions, they will turn in, they're not going to talk about their own problems or issues and a lot of the times some of them may know about what is going on, some of them may not know, but then they will see you, you know, dealing with a lot of different emotions, and then

00:44:13--> 00:44:36

they will hold on to whatever they have. And for for these young, very young kids, you know, a little thing that might look very trivial for us, it's a big major thing for them. And then for them not to be able to come to to their parents because they're so stressed out and they're like, I don't want to go I don't want to burden my parents any further. Right? Then you know, then we have really

00:44:37--> 00:44:59

suppressed their feelings we have really taught them that you know, it's not okay for them to open up when they have difficult feelings. So as much as possible as much as you can focus on how to you know on how to be grounded how to be in the present, right. Try to limit your exposure to to graphic

00:45:00--> 00:45:33

content to the media in that would go the same way check kids that are, you know, monitor what they're watching what they're being told, you know, whether we like it or not, they're going to hear it from the outside. So why don't you be that source? Right? You know, why don't you make that environment, create that environment for them, where they can come to you, you know, you, you know, you can listen to them validate their feelings, and also provide them with accurate information, because they are getting a lot of inaccurate information from media, you know, you open Instagram, there's like, you're bombarded with these different

00:45:34--> 00:46:16

things that are not accurate, and then they go to school, right, they go to school, and they're exposed to a lot there. And a lot of them feel very isolated in school, it's very isolating, you probably feel it in your own workplaces where, you know, our experiences are not validated. And so that really feels feel isolating for kids, that's like, you know, when they don't have an outlet to to safely discuss what they're feeling it is, you know, what they would do is they would suppress those feelings. And then a lot of the time kids don't have the, the, like, specially younger ones, the verbal articulation to come and talk to you and say, hey, you know, this is what, they're just

00:46:16--> 00:46:20

going to show you in different ways. So you might see changes in

00:46:21--> 00:46:44

sleep patterns, you could you may, you might see, like behavioral issues, you have, you know, like kids, because they want to have control, they want to have some sort of control in whatever's happening. So maybe they will start to didn't, you know, say, I don't want to go to school, they might develop, like, all of a sudden, this anxiety, they cannot let go off parents. So

00:46:46--> 00:46:50

and then there's, you know, the also, there's the fact that

00:46:53--> 00:46:54

later on again,

00:46:55--> 00:46:57

welcome back, guys.

00:46:58--> 00:47:04

So I was, as I was talking about ways to help kids feel validated in heard,

00:47:06--> 00:47:08

you know, I would emphasize to

00:47:09--> 00:47:31

continue to maintain a routine than normal routine as much as possible, because that gives the kids a sense of control over the situation. And then, like I said, before, limit their exposure to media, sometimes, maybe, with the older ones, maybe you can watch the news together, that way, you can control what they're watching, and also, you know, correct any,

00:47:33--> 00:48:17

you know, anything that's not factual. Other thing that I wanted to mention is that if your kid is old enough to learn about, if they have learned about other genocides at school, then this is it will be okay to have that conversation about the conflict, this conflict about them and the history of that and going, you know, making it like as a, as a, almost like a research project where you go together with your child to, you know, trusting sources, to help them understand the situation better, the more they, you know, it's clearer for them, and the more that they understand they can come to you, when they have difficult emotions, the better they will be able to deal with the

00:48:17--> 00:48:20

situation. Other thing is that, you know, sometimes we

00:48:22--> 00:49:13

are so worried that we're constantly maybe it's family member, or we constantly look for the news, or we're constantly calling people to make sure that family members are okay, that, you know, a lot of other symptoms may develop, and you can see in your youth that include like, lack of sleep, they're having difficulty focusing in concentrating, they are having difficulty connecting with others. So in these cases, making sure that you as much as you can, you, you know, surround yourself with supporting people, so staying connected with your community, if their kids right, having that group like playdates, whatever it is where you have other people that are like minded, that are, you

00:49:13--> 00:49:39

know, supportive of your cause. And you get together with them and allowing them that atmosphere to be able to be themselves and not feel like they're being judged not feel like what they're saying is wrong, and that, you know, there's them against someone else, but they're all you know, we're all together, just like over here, you know, we're here to support each other, creating that kind of atmosphere for our kids. So they feel validated, so they feel supported and not isolated. Some

00:49:40--> 00:49:47

I know we are very tight on time. But one thing that I wanted to mention about very young ones, sometimes they don't understand,

00:49:49--> 00:49:59

you know, because they're so young, they don't understand how close they are to the conflict. So it's very important that you know, maybe that you make that clarification for them for it.

00:50:00--> 00:50:44

some point, you can actually bring out a map, right? And then tell them this is where we, we live where we are. And this is where the location is. And for, you know, in that that could be, you know, for us, it's not a big deal. But for young kids, you know, it's about their safety, they want to feel safe. And if you are providing that for them, you're, you're basically allowing them giving them permission that to feel it's okay to be afraid, and, you know, staying away from phrases like, don't be sad, because sadness is a very normal reaction to what is going on around us. But don't be afraid. These are, you know, these are emotions, emotions, Allah subhanaw taala us have created, He

00:50:44--> 00:51:29

has created these for a reason. And they're there for us to experience. So we want to make sure that as parents, we're allowing ourselves and our children to be able to express them in a, in a in a, you know, in an adaptive way. And kids, they don't know how to, you know, channel that feelings, but you can be that source for them, you can create that safety for them, they were, you know, they can work through their feelings, you can do work art together, create something together, go for walks together, just sit down, and sometimes just be with them. Right, you know, listen to them, without passing any judgment, ask them open ended questions. And try not to judge what they're saying and

00:51:29--> 00:52:17

what they're bringing into the conversation. Let them lead, basically, the conversation. And just one other thing that you know, sometimes for some kids who are already stressed out, or are dealing with other mental health issues, suicide could be a high risk at this time, because this is a very stressful situation. And this could be that one last thing that pushes them off the edge. So really be being, you know, watchful, and really being there for your kids and making sure that they feel validated, they're heard and supported, you can meditate together, you can go, like I said, go for walks together, color together. And just anything that would give them a sense that they're not

00:52:17--> 00:52:56

alone. It's very, like, I sit down myself with my kids, and we have like these big coloring pages, and we just color and I find it very, you know, relieving, and it feels very calm and peaceful. We're not even talking sometimes. And we're just coloring. And it's, it's an it's a big bonding thing to write, we're bonding with them. And at the same time, we're letting them know that this is one safe way to express your feelings and emotions. Like I said, everyone has covered everything that I have said, but just Just be careful, be watchful, if you see that your kid is

00:52:57--> 00:53:27

there, you know, like maybe they're regressing, like Dr. Rania said, maybe they're becoming more aggressive. If this is something that has, these changes have lasted more than two weeks that this is where you need to be concerned, reach out to someone, you know, to their doctors, or mental health clinicians. So that way, they can get the support that they need, as well. Like, just like all of us, we all need support. So there's, I just want to make sure that you understand that there's no shame in seeking that help.

00:53:28--> 00:53:29

Thank you.

00:53:30--> 00:53:45

And we're putting some resources in the in the WhatsApp and the chat box for either coloring books with children or books related to resources. And we'll also in that guide that I was telling you about earlier, there's some links related to

00:53:47--> 00:54:01

other resources for you and for them in terms of how to talk about Palestine, what is the history what is the work in case that they're trying to make sure that their facts are straight, and your facts are straight and Shala data in a time where there's a whole lot of misinformation and a lack of correct facts.

00:54:03--> 00:54:10

So into my own shoulder, and as I pass it on to Mona, I just want to add one last thing that it's okay to tell your kids you don't know.

00:54:11--> 00:54:18

It's totally fine. And that I think makes it more human and more you know, something that they can connect with.

00:54:31--> 00:54:31


00:54:33--> 00:54:38

100 I took notes kind of as we went along, and I just wanted to add like a few really key points.

00:54:39--> 00:54:59

So the first one was actually I'm just going to comment on a video that I watched in class this week, and it was a little boy who was talking to his mom, and he was telling his mom, you know mom, I was feeling angry today and my emotions and he was having this whole beautiful little like baby talk conversation with his mother about anger and if you're on Tik Tok, you may have seen this with

00:55:00--> 00:55:36

Do so he tells her mom I was feeling you know, and he's specifically talking about how he was feeling angry. So as a mom, I was feeling angry today. And she's like, that's okay. And at the tail end of the video, he tells me and Mom, did you love me when I was angry? And she says, Yes, of course. And she hugs him. And I think I can't normalize enough how much validation your your young young ones are going to seek from you right now. And I've got some points about your, you know, teenagers and your young adults, but your young ones are really going to look for is it okay for me to feel the way that I'm feeling right now. And Doc, SR wedgemount, kind of touched on this, right?

00:55:36--> 00:56:13

Like, don't tell them, you can't be sad. And don't tell them you can't be angry that this is not quite the time to kind of talk them through the different emotions. And you want to make sure that your children is fostering, that your children are fostering a safe space to come and share with you how they're feeling. When things are getting really difficult when things are getting really heavy. If your kid is only ever sharing with you, mom, great mom happy. Maybe ask yourself, Does my kid know how to feel sad? I cannot express to you how many of my clients don't know how to be sad. Don't know how to feel. They tell me when I'm happy. But you can't see it. I'm like, Well, you know, when

00:56:13--> 00:56:32

I'm angry? And I'm like, Well, I don't see anger, right? I see, like numb, I see someone who can't express emotion. And then when I talk to them, they tell me I was never allowed to express at home. If I had a reaction my parents would tell me not now. And I am telling you I've clients in their 60s who can't express some of these emotions. So this is a lifelong,

00:56:33--> 00:57:07

like journey for some. And Sister Wijmo touched on this as well. And I'll build on it a little bit social learning theory, your kids are looking at you to role model emotional regulation and expression right now. They are looking at you and they will take from you because you are if you're a primary caregiver or an elder in the household. They're watching you and they're watching how you respond across the board. And if you suppress your emotions Dr. Rania talked about people saying right now, well, it's not as bad as it is for people over there right now for me here, if that's the approach you're taking know that your kids will never feel like their issues are worth talking

00:57:07--> 00:57:46

about. And then you're gonna bring them to Mara, Stan and sha Allah, and we're gonna work with them for months. This is not a I've had parents tell me, can you fix my kid? They're 14. Okay, where have you been for 14 years, I told my kid that I didn't have time or I spent my work away from my children. And there wasn't really that connection built. Therapy is great. It takes time. It's not going to be a fix overnight. So I really, really, really want to drive that message home to a lot of parents who have younger kids right now. Sit with your kids and process your emotions. Mommy, are you feeling sad? Yes, baby. I'm feeling sad. This is hard. This feels heavy. Mommy, where does it

00:57:46--> 00:58:21

feel heavy. It feels heavy in my chest. It feels heavy and my shoulders. Mommy, I'm not sleeping. Well, I had a mother tell me today. Her kid who has not really who has been relatively okay in the dark? Mommy, will you walk me into my room, I'm scared. Someone's gonna kidnap me and he's hugging her feet. He's hugging her leg. He's just think he's about for Mommy, I'm scared, someone's going to take me away in the dark. And these are these are real, and Alhamdulillah. If your kid is able to verbalize those, because some kids, they experience something or they are witness to something and the words come later. So Dr. Bonilla mentioned kind of keeping tabs on your child's behavior. And I

00:58:21--> 00:59:00

want to be clear that this is not just for five days, or when this is over. Some of this stuff we see when in a year and two sometimes three, they're finding the words and now they're going to process that as a as young adults in whatever age group it comes to them. They're going to start processing that in that time. And so you're the one thing I took back from inshallah many other things. But the one thing that has always stuck out to me about working with adolescents is parents Miss mental health issues in children and adolescents, because they say they're a teenager, they're going to act out. There are a teenager, this is expected and we just let it go. And then we see it's

00:59:00--> 00:59:30

so detrimental. And events like what we're seeing right now exacerbate already existing mental health issues that our teenagers are facing that your young kids are facing, and honestly that adults are facing to it. It is hard, it is hard and it is heavy to continuously see this and process it. But give yourself time to sit and process. There's days where you're like the best I can do right now is make a meal. say Alhamdulillah and congratulate yourself for making that meal because your family needed you

00:59:31--> 00:59:38

and you needed that meal. That's why Allah subhanaw taala guided you gave you the energy to get up and make that meal and if that's all you got done hamdulillah

00:59:39--> 00:59:59

doctors I had and I were at Stanford last week and we did a healing circle and there was a sister there from Azusa and she was really just feeling so helpless. Like I am here it is my first year here. She's a first year PhD student at Stanford. And she was like of all of the times that I was here. Now what is happening to my people. And I looked at her and I said what are you

01:00:00--> 01:00:36

You do? And she said, I write, and I told her write your story. That's what you have. That's why Allah put you here. That's a skill that illustrata has given you. Right? The story, right? Everybody is going to face different trials and tribulations across our lifetime. It's not, it's not just today, and it's not just tomorrow. So think of what has Allah subhanaw taala gifted you with? What are the blessings, all this kind of data has? You know, there's so many what are they and have channeled them into your families and channel them into your education. It's been really hard for me to be a PhD student right now, because I've got so much work. And I have maybe the brain, the

01:00:36--> 01:00:57

bandwidth and the attention span of a very, very small animal right now. But I'm like, Okay, well, this is what Allah gave you, you can, you can show up, and you can get through your work, and you can get through your assignments, because this is where I need to be right now. And I trust that Allah put me here, because I am able, and I have the ability to turn around and support my community.

01:00:59--> 01:01:09

One of the, you know, one of the other things I really wanted to touch on was the brain's response to trauma, I'll talk about it a little bit from a neurological perspective. So that

01:01:10--> 01:01:27

so that we kind of like learn what's happening. I've had doctors that had touched on, you know, maybe don't write an email when you're angry. You know, you you might write something and feel so in that moment, this is truth. This is exactly what I mean to say and you precedent, right?

01:01:28--> 01:01:59

I can tell you on on our end, at my university, I've had to send emails all week. And one of them took me a week to send because I would sit there and I read it and I read it again. And I made sure it was respectful and professional but also in an honor of my community and in honor of the people who have lost their lives. That's what they're, you know, they're losing their lives. I can at least stick up for their lives here. I can at least call out the injustice in a way that that keeps me in sha Allah steadfast in my education, but also honors the community. And that was really important.

01:02:02--> 01:02:04

How many people heard a fight or flight,

01:02:05--> 01:02:31

fight or flight, great news pendula? Okay. So when we go into fight or flight, what happens with our brain, right, our executive functioning right up here at the front, our executive functioning is responsible for decision making. This is where emotional regulation comes in. When you toggle into fight or flight, something has happened. And I want you to keep in context, not just you, but also your children, something has happened and your prefrontal cortex actually switches off

01:02:32--> 01:03:10

your amygdala, your fight or flight response response system toggles on, they cannot be on at the same time, one or the other. If you are in fight or flight, your executive functioning is off, which means you are not to say you're not like thinking clearly. But there is something that is more pressing for the brain right now. And I need to address this immediate item. Your brain doesn't differentiate fear of a tiger, okay? That the trauma of a tiger standing in front of you or a bear chasing you, from a car accident, it's considered trauma, it's cuz that is how it's understood in your brain. So when you're in that fight or flight, if you think of like your kids, if they're

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seeing images right now, and they're starting to get activated.

01:03:14--> 01:04:00

And they're in fight or flight, I sincerely ask, we don't tell them to calm down. Nobody ever calm down. Somebody told them to calm down. Think about what's happening for them. You might talk at them this is you're overreacting, they're not hearing you. They're reacting. They're not hearing the words. So what can we do one of the things that so I do, like my emphasis at school is in trauma. And one of the things I'm I work through is kind of like, treatment through like, you know, a trauma informed lens. And one of the things that you can do is a grounding exercise, it can be as simple as let's count to 10 together 123 and so on. How many if I have a lot of plants in my office, how many

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plants are in the room, you activate the other side of the brain, you now are engaging the let logical side count, you know, count the rooms, count account the plants, count the books, anything.

01:04:14--> 01:04:20

And then that you'll see that that switch and then you're like, okay, and they're like, Okay, yeah, like I'm good. You know.

01:04:21--> 01:04:56

So I really want you to think about if you're seeing higher rates of anxiety around around kind of like your children or just like feelings of irritability, like it's, it's not coming from nowhere. And everybody talks about validating that, that experience and that emotion, so shall I won't touch on that. But just really think about it. And if you if you're not sure, this is why this is happening right now. Consult with the people in your community who know consult with the people in your community who can guide you to the resources that your children need. Right saying I don't know is so important, but find people who know and guide your children or guide yourself to that

01:04:56--> 01:04:57


01:04:58--> 01:04:59

You know, like I really

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urged you don't sit on it and say inshallah it'll get better tomorrow.

01:05:04--> 01:05:08

You know, it's in sha Allah today right now I'm kind of going out to do this.

01:05:09--> 01:05:19

And so inshallah I'll end there I'm happy to kind of answer any questions later but I know that we wanted to also open the space for everybody so inshallah just like a library one.

01:05:22--> 01:05:26

Thank you so much Munna and watch Dr. Zahara appreciate you guys very much, Mashallah.

01:05:28--> 01:06:03

Before I open up for q&a, and we have, you know, some time a little bit inshallah for some discussion, I wanted to say, again, quickly, because I did mention or introduce some of you knew, and some of you already know about Mary Stan as the organization, but I didn't specifically talk about the clinical part, which relates to what to do, if you feel like you do need to reach out to somebody to help with counseling for yourself, or your kid or a loved one or a neighbor or friend, mashallah, it's the the website and you can pick up one of the bookmarks that has there, it's just Mary Stan dot orgy, which by the way on the website is also directly where you download that

01:06:03--> 01:06:38

resource guide on mental health for Palestine, like from the mental health resources around the topic of Palestine. So it's also on the web on the webpage. But just to quickly speak about the clinic for a minute, and just say, look, Inshallah, it's accessible to everybody here, because for those of you who have private insurances, not Kaiser Kaiser does not play with anybody else. I'm sorry, guys. But for everybody other for every other form of insurance, Inshallah, we actually do take in most of those in the clinic. And then there is a sliding scale, that is for those who can pay in cash pay based on your annual income. And then there's a financial aid package that is

01:06:38--> 01:07:11

specifically for those who'd like to apply for it. And and Hamdulillah, we've been successful in actually getting a lot of folks who need the assistance to get therapy for themselves, or their children completely covered or partially covered with our financial aid package and Hamdulillah. So in that way, you have a lot of different ways of accessing professional mental health care. So please do consider it there. Almost 100, Allah, wonderful, excellent people, some of whom you've met tonight, and 100, and none others of our team, we're not here 100 As it is a large team. And the table is here for you to kind of talk with a little bit more. Now I realized that here that the club

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part has started. So those would like to go for the prayer. Welcome to and those who'd like to stay behind and ask for us some questions. We're here to answer your questions that Shama? What kind of questions do we have inshallah tonight?

01:07:22--> 01:07:27

No, Michelle, I love let's see, we'll have let's see. Who would like to take on the question?

01:07:29--> 01:07:36

Yes, please. And just if you can repeat the question for those online to hear. So the question was,

01:07:40--> 01:07:52

I will try to rephrase it as as much as I can. So it was that? Is that okay, for teens to say I had enough of this. And you know, I need a break.

01:07:53--> 01:08:00

Now, I would like to ask that from you. I won't turn that question to you. Is that okay for you to take a break?

01:08:01--> 01:08:12

And, you know, this is this is great that, you know, one thing that I want to point out is that it even even when you're in one family, every everyone's responses individual.

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Everyone deals with things differently. Right. And then I think it is totally normal for her to say that she wants to take a break. I feel the same way myself. Sometimes it's just too overwhelming. You cannot continue to function if you're being stimulated so much. So it will be totally normal for her to say, I need a break. And for you as a mom to respect that. Right to sit. Yeah, okay. Sure. Whatever you already you would like to talk about it. I'm right here for you. And then there you have given her permission, that it's okay for her to come whenever she wants to come. Because imagine if she she's saying that and then you're pushing, right? It is it's almost the opposite of

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what you would like to happen, right? She feels cornered, she feels pushed, and

01:09:10--> 01:09:44

really, you know, invalidated because she's sometimes unfortunately, we we look at the kids differently. But they are as much of a human as the rest of us. Right. And they have needs and rights, just the rest of us. And you know, I know in the communities that I have been raised in is just easy to say these are kids. They're resilient. They don't need it right. Go to your room, you can take it right now. They they need as much space as we do.

01:09:47--> 01:09:50

So thank you for bringing that question. Good question.

01:09:52--> 01:10:00

Thank you, John, what a wonderful answer. I'm going to take one of the questions online and then come back to the room and Sharla The next question is I've recently

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come to the United States after living in a Muslim country. And in the visible Muslim, I feel scared to go outside, especially alone in hijab. Is that normal? And how do I get out of it?

01:10:14--> 01:10:15

I can take it.

01:10:17--> 01:11:03

All right. So I hope all of you heard the question, it was about fear as a visible Muslim going out as a hijabi. And I and all of us here are wanting to validate those emotions. And it is very normal to feel any kind of emotion, especially sense of nervousness and fear when we hear about attacks or hate crimes. And it just makes you a human to feel those and actually, to say them. In fact, I will share I have felt that this week too. And like I shared with my like, gym example, there is a source of self care that I was feeling hesitant about accessing this week, and I've heard from other sisters as well to wanting to recreate or find that sense of safety right now. So you're not alone,

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if you're feeling this, and my advice would be trying to find safety, little by little, if that means, you know, coming to the masjid, talking to other sisters,

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just going to school just going to work and finding those safe people you would like to talk with, maybe you're not talking with every single person and you know, certain people maybe have very different views and you and you're like, you know, I just don't have the energy for that today. That's okay. So validate that for yourself. And I think slowly, Inshallah, you're going to get out there and find that safety. Again, it's a process. So don't rush that. I think if you're finding though, that you're avoiding constantly and you know, not leaving the house and hyper vigilant all the time, that's when, you know, getting that support and professional help is important and

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required, but I think it's natural for all of us, right? At some point, we may feel that hyper vigilance and just, we want to be safe and protected, right? So, and there are different solutions, whether you have kids who wear hijab, or you wear hijab, like finding people to go on a walk with if you want, or finding allies who will be there for you finding safe people at school, or work and that kind of thing. I think it's a dialectic two things can be true at the same time have that healthy fear. And also don't lean on the extreme of too much fear. Right? So the believers always kind of trying to find that balance, inshallah.

01:12:31--> 01:12:53

Very nice answer. Thank you so much, Dr. SATA. I couldn't agree more about this. And somebody had asked me about this whole concept of, you know, if I've come more recently, and it was after 911, didn't quite experience with aftermath in those, especially those first couple of years that were really difficult. For those of you who were here, you probably remember this quite clearly.

01:12:54--> 01:13:34

What what is what is this? Now compared to that? How does that and you know, my response was, there are some similarities for sure. But there's also some key differences, these 20 years that have passed, there has been a lot more visibility about hijab, Muslim woman, in particular, Islam in general, I would say as well. And there is also kind of more of a, an understanding, not to say that this is not going to happen, because we're seeing not only are we seeing harassment and hate crimes, we just saw a witness a murder of a child, right? I mean, like, it's, this is still very, very real. So safety is very key. But I would also say that Inshallah, tada, these are the lesser amounts

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compared to maybe in these 20 years, there's been a lot more visibility and understanding. And even people knowing what this is called, I mean, when we were going through school growing up, nobody knew what this thing was called, right. And now it's like, over the summer I this little girl, we were in a in a, you know, place with the little kids. And this little girl comes up to me in a completely different state. And she goes, I really like your hijab. And I was like, wow, you even knew that, like, the color is pretty. And I was like, wow, that's a lot of color. Like how do you even know this word? I mean, it just it's a different generation. And that doesn't make it perfect

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or necessarily super easy, but I think it's somewhat different, I would say than in previous times. So just also know that and I love what you said there of like a believer or somebody who is, you know, go use when a fault line right there. They're very careful, right? And they learn from things so they're they're there, they have wisdom, and they kind of act upon that as well. Inshallah. Other questions from the audience.

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Do something quickly about the whole.

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I just wanted to say, with what Dr. Rania said with education, there is a lot more awareness right now about what's going on in Nicklaus people who have never spoken up before about Leza celebrities. Well known people they're speaking up right now. I mean, it's

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is unprecedented, I'd say. So the balance, keep that in mind. There are obviously going going to be haters and trolls, but we have a lot of allies as well. And also just look at the masjid today. Mashallah, the hope of our community coming together in times of crisis. This is a beautiful silver lining and, you know, not the Silver Line, unnecessarily. I think it's the both and that we need to keep in mind inshallah. Yes, we had a question, right.

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So the question was, are there. So I talked about kind of like, having your child and then your child's 14, and you're starting to notice,

01:15:39--> 01:15:50

maybe some behavioral changes? And the sisters question is, well, are there milestones along the way that we should kind of be thinking about, are there normal behavioral responses.

01:15:51--> 01:15:58

And so I'll address it. The first thing, I'll also just as in Trello, one day, I will be a doctor, I'm just wondering right now. No, just like,

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I want to make sure to be honest with my community.

01:16:02--> 01:16:11

Okay, I think I'll address parts of this. And I would love to hear from others on the panel. In sha Allah, the first thing that came to mind when you talked is transitional periods.

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So your kid will, you know, maybe go, I don't know, if everybody homeschools I know, it's kind of very much on the rise. But this is their home school.

01:16:23--> 01:16:25

So there's something called adjustment disorder.

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But so adjustment disorder is during times of life transitions, we might see some different behaviors. And this is very important. Now, what I will say is in in some cases, there might be an underlying mental health concern. So say we have a child, a teenager who's struggling with depression, but it's also just moved to another school, the parent might say, adjustment disorder on the clinical lens, I say, maybe maybe depression, especially if they meet criteria. But you really have to keep in mind those transitional periods. So if when your child is transitioning from elementary school, to middle school,

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you know, if they've left behind friends, and now they're going into this new space, where maybe only one of their friends is coming with them, or they've lost all of their friends, because they're going to a different school. This is a very critical point for your child. And I really can't emphasize that enough.

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If you're moving, you have moved neighborhoods, and the people that your kids have grown up with are no longer are no longer accessible to them.

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That is you, you just want to monitor behavior. So think of any major life transition, you've moved houses, you moved states, you've lived around Spatola, I never saw people move around I born and raised in Canada, I never saw people move around as much as the United States. I lived in the state for a year, and I actually moved back here. And like, for me, I'm like, How are your kids doing? Like, you know, are they okay? So the first thing that comes to mind is life transitions.

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I think the second thing is

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parental education on developmental, developmental, like kind of periods of kids. So it is very natural. Your kids, if you're, there's so many funny videos on YouTube, I should, maybe they're not good. They're funny to me, but have kids fighting with their siblings, and parents think like, oh, there's behavioral issues, that's actually very normal, they're gonna kind of fight. You know, like, we've seen a lot of videos with like fighting over toys and siblings are going to kind of have this rivalry. And it's part of how we how they kind of like Express and identify their personality growing up. So it's not to say that, Oh, my kid is fighting with their sibling, they're having

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serious behavioral issues. In fact, in a lot of child disorders, we don't take one situation, we might say, we have to see this president at home and then in the school setting, or in like, if there was part of a like a sports team will say we want to see in other settings as well. Because sometimes the home setting it's very normal, we fight with our siblings, and there might be a little bit of a like a rough period with somebody at home.

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There's more I can say but I imagined doctors ahead on might actually have some something so I'm putting you on the spot, but I know this is kind of right up your alley to

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does that go higher mana and shallow Dakota almost, inshallah. I mean, so this is a very expansive question. And I don't think we can answer all of that. But I would just say to familiarize yourself with the resources out there because anxiety can look different in different children. There are criteria that we look for when diagnosing anxiety or anxiety disorders. There are some common themes such as excessive worry, restlessness, it is difficult to concentrate that can be a symptom as well. Sleep is a very big one. So if you're noticing difficulties falling asleep, waking up or night at night or waking up much earlier than expected. appetite changes. Some of these are overlapping with

01:19:59--> 01:20:00


01:20:00--> 01:20:03

Is it depression, sometimes with other mental disorders as well?

01:20:05--> 01:20:44

I would say two very big thing we look at is, is this causing impairment in different settings? So is your child not able to participate in school? Because they are so worried at school? Are they not able to do the normal activities they usually do. So that's that. Or that's the point that parents usually come into our offices and say, hey, you know, so and so has just not been able to play the sport or function at home or function at school. And we're like, Okay, let's take a look. There's something that's probably going on. But great resources online, I'd say, for child resources, there's child MIND Institute online.

01:20:45--> 01:20:54

There's also a children's health council where I work and they have lots of articles, they have podcasts and things like that. So lots of great resources online. We have gum

01:20:57--> 01:21:29

will come here, you'll get the QR code to check. Yeah. And obviously check out Morristown as well, if you're looking for therapy or support. Yeah, one of the things I'll say is, you know, I'm going to talk in the future with Morristown about if there's enough interest and you know, parents support groups, child support groups, like come with your interest, and if there's enough interest in something and enough of you are expressing that inshallah we'll put something together. That's, that's my hope. I hope it's okay to mention that, but we're dreamers here that want to serve the community. And

01:21:31--> 01:22:03

yes, we are malice positive. Bless you all. It is a late night, mashallah, we've spent a lot of time with all of you. I do know, we've gone through a lot of the questions from that even in the chat. There's, I'll answer the last one, just very, very quickly, because we do have to wrap up Inshallah, but I'll just say this, because the question is about switching off. For those who feel very connected to everything that's happening. This, the person asking you this question says, I feel glued to what's happening, and guilty when I step away from the social media, because I feel like my heart and mind needs to be there in Palestine, but it's affecting my functioning at home. And I

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think a lot of people are experiencing something very similar to this. And what I would say to you, I know it's really hard to say to somebody unplugged completely. But what I do think, is think about what Allah subhanaw taala asked us to do in the month of Ramadan.

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Eating is had all year long, all the time, eating and drinking, while Shabbat as long as it's holiday stuff, it's, it's fine. But there comes a time in the year where loss of panel data says to us pause on the eating and the drinking. Because that is takes a lot of self discipline to do so. And there's a reason there's actually a test, there's a there's a there's a benefit in that, that sometimes we can't see right away. So what I'm going to ask you to do is at least have short periods of time in your day in which you do fast, literally, from your social media that unplug like as though you were fasting, but this time is not from food and drink, but it's from content, right? And

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then allow yourself to be able to check back in and see what's happening. And then back again, similar to you fast, right part of the day and you eat part of the day and Ramadan. Have it be something similar to that in this period of time. Because I think if I were to tell you disconnect sisters, that's completely not possible. I mean, you're not even going to you're going to be like, that's cute.

01:23:18--> 01:23:55

And you're not going to be able to do any of it. But if you are able to do it in doses and almost like micro dose of the content that you're getting, it's much more possible that you can continue being in tune with what's happening and make the DUA that you need to make but also be able to serve your family this sister is asking about functioning at home, it's affecting you in mental health, our definition of one does something require counseling, professional help, how do you know it's reached a point where it needs extra help, it's when it starts to bleed into your everyday functioning. That's when you know it's gone into a level where it needs actual treatment and

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intervention. So this is my first intervention if you can do it on your own and hamdulillah if you feel like despite the steps and techniques that you're taking, it's hard this might be time for professional care as well. And without inshallah we're going to close for tonight I'm going to do a short brief dua to close us off inshallah. And then for those who are still in the room with us,

01:24:15--> 01:24:50

you're welcome to stop by the medicine table and we're going to be around for just a couple of couple of some of us will be around for a couple of minutes to answer any other questions you might have. Batticaloa healthy comm I do hope that this was somewhat useful to all of you and my deep appreciation thanks, Rama foundation deeply appreciate some things Madison's co sponsorship in this particular Holika tonight with Mona Wajima and Dr. Zahara thank you all for being here and I know you worked long long days martial law long long day today to join us also until late night program but really appreciated their voices my sister's special please join me in thanking them particle

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level faecal Masha Allah

01:24:52--> 01:24:59

subhanahu wa Fernando Rohingya Muslim Allah Hamada say that Mohammed water Allah He was happy to send him edge Brian Yara Pia Karim Allah Allah

01:25:00--> 01:25:28

We ask for your shout to shower your mercy dawned upon us. Yeah. Yeah Allah Most Generous One. Yeah. Kadeem, we asked you to show us your generosity and show that generosity to our sisters and brothers across the Ummah, who are suffering yet getting those who are living in fear and tyranny Yatta be those who are oppressed, yada be bring down their oppressors. yatta yatta mean you know Allah we asked via Kadeem for those who lack safety and security to grant them and then safety and security back again yeah getting

01:25:30--> 01:26:10

your Allah we ask You for all those who raise their hand saying I'm hungry, I'm thirsty and don't know where to shelter yada be bringing them back all that they have lost in better yeah kidding him and if not in this dunya than an athlete yeah academia on Amin. Ya Allah as we sit here, in places of security and safety, with running water and food and electricity, yada, be, please don't hold us accountable for these Naum, these blessings you've given us Yatta B do not hold it against us yada banana mean, rather yada, yada, I mean, allow us to take all the blessings you have given us and to channel it into hate into goodness, yada, yada. I mean, you ought to be allowed us to use what you

01:26:10--> 01:26:40

have given us to help others to help ourselves, our families, our communities, and our Alma Jacobi allow us to be charitable people, people who give in sadaqa not just their wealth, but also their time, and their energy and their knowledge yada beyond I mean, allow us to be in the service of our families first and foremost, and in the service of our communities and in the service of humanity out of anatomy. Y'all Allah we asked me I could aim to hold us hold the CRP in these moments.

01:26:42--> 01:27:23

alleviate our fear. Aleve calm our hearts, grant us Jada, B su the CRP with the kind of tranquillity that only you can sue this with yatta yatta mean, protect us y'all law protect us. Yeah. Kadeem, protect us here in this state in this place, and protect our sisters and brothers across the Amaya Kareem you're up here we raise our hands tonight for Philistine that'd be raise our hands tonight for Alyssa yarby We asked Dr. Karim to protect them from the falling bombs they ought to be in the oppression that's coming down on them. Yeah, kidding. Y'all are up be grant those who have died martyrdom make them shahada yada yada mean that feel no pain and no difficulty and that we should

01:27:23--> 01:27:58

not be sad for them yet getting because they are with you your opinion? I mean, they are being the highest levels of Jannah with our Prophet Muhammad's Allah Allahu Allah He was in yada yada could he make our hearts steadfast understanding yeah cutting but what they have is better than what they have lost carrying. What they're getting is better than what they have lost yada beyond me and you know, Allah. Yeah. Can we ask You for all those and raise your hands for all those who have passed away in the recent natural disasters? You know, it'd be the earthquake in Atlanta Stan? Yeah, it'd be the earthquakes that happened in Morocco and in Turkey and Syria yada yada I mean, the floods in

01:27:58--> 01:28:35

Libya Kenya and we asked the Kenyan for all the recent natural disasters to alleviate the pain and suffering of all those who are lost and all those who are left behind you know yada we also raise our hands remembering our sisters and brothers and all all other corners of the earth that genocide that continues to happen yeah getting with our weaker Muslims. You're kidding my sisters and brothers y'all Allah please yeah kidding. There are multiple genocides happening against the Muslims at this moment. Yatta B. is the CRP it'll be ease this yeah cutting make our two oz worthy of hearing and answering out of banana mean.

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And allow it not to just be empty words but words that are followed by actions. Yeah. He Karim Allah. Yara be protect us and protect our families, uplift us, empower us make us from those who are true believers. You gotta be who do upon what they've learned. And not from the hypocrites Yeah, kidding. You yak Ilahi are up honors with this D and that you have given us and uplift us with it. We ask VRRP to increase our love of you a love of our prophets, Allah Allahu alayhi wa salam and his sunnah the way he lived his life allow us to embody this Yeah, Kareem and to love it and to teach it to our children and their children and their children. But they're all that our progeny all of them

01:29:19--> 01:29:50

until yo Medina from the meaning. Amin, Amin, amin and that the last of our words are the best of them, and the last of our days are the best of them, and that we end up on hosting and hittin the best of endings will hamdulillahi rabbil Alameen wa salam ala, homebound and healthy Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam Orion while need to recall will Hideo Nasir Salam if you couldn't imagine this okay ROP Vista Resort at al Fatiha and for acceptance of this dua, please take a moment sisters and read sulit infatti

01:30:04--> 01:30:17

Amin Amin Amin also Allah humanoid howdy Mohammad Juan Antonio Savio cinema Jermaine, vertical level pecan. Thank you again, my dear sisters for madstad as an era wanna watch Emma doctors I had Masha Allah

01:30:20--> 01:30:30

may Allah bless this whole entire effort and of course the Rama foundation all of you have a good night in sha Allah and we'll see you all very soon on how to do that hit Open Alameen wa salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh