Why Me #19 Why Did They Have To Die

Allah says in a Hadith Qudsi, I do

not hesitate about anything as much as I

hesitate about seizing the soul of my faithful

servant,

For he hates death, and I hate to

disappoint him.

But it doesn't just disappoint them.

Sometimes it can feel like it destroys those

of us who have been left behind.

Why, oh Allah, did they have to die,

especially now when things were finally going right?

On a personal level, I lost my mother

between my nikah and my wedding, and I've

been grieving her ever since.

And as much as I felt connected to

her when she was here,

sometimes I feel even more connected while she's

not here. Sometimes your relationship with the dead

is even stronger than when they were alive,

because in some ways you can do more

for them now than you could have done

when they were in this dunya. How?

Because before you couldn't do good deeds on

their behalf the way that you can now

And those good deeds on their behalf are

far more precious than anything you could have

benefited them when they were still with you.

While they move on to their new life,

hopefully in a better place,

your life will never be the same after

their death.

And there's the Sunnah of our beloved prophet

sallallahu alaihi wasallam in how we live our

lives,

and there's also his sunnah and how we

grieve our dead.

He buried almost every single one of his

immediate family members in his own lifetime SallAllahu

Alaihi Wasallam.

His beloved wife Khadija radiAllahu ta'ala Anha,

6 of his own 7 children.

He buries his mother when he's only 6

years old himself.

He buries his grandfather when he's 9. He

buries his father figure in Abu Talib under

the worst of circumstances. And of course his

actual father already had passed away before he

was born SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam.

And his grieving was so profoundly human yet

so perfectly prophetic.

In the famous incident of the death of

his son Ibrahim

as he's holding his son and his tears

are falling on his corpse, he says, Sallallahu

Alaihi Wasallam,

The eye shed tears

and the heart grieves And we are hurting

over your loss, oh Ibrahim.

But we will not say, except that which

pleases our Lord.

The The Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam had no

doubt about where Ibrahim was going, but he

was incredibly hurt over the pain of that

separation while he's still here.

He had full rahma, which is mercy,

and full ribah, which is contentment.

And Imam ibn al Qayyim rahimullah explains that

there is a genius to this and that

there are levels to the level of mercy

that you can have and the level of

contentment that you can have with Allah's decree.

The highest rank he says are those that

have both ribah, which is contentment, as well

as rahma, which is mercy. And he said

that's when the eyes cry,

but the heart is content.

Then he says below that is when a

person has rahma but they don't have rubah.

So they're grieved out of mercy, but they

can't find contentment in their heart and they

continue to be disturbed by that death.

The third level he says is when you

have riblah but you don't have rahmah.

So a person feels no emotions and is

not at all moved but they've still accepted

the decree of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la.

Then he says the lowest level is when

you have neither rahma or rillah.

So all you have is grief and resentment

of Allah's decree. The Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam

was of course the epitome of the highest

rank. And Imam min Taymir Rahimullah was asked

something very interesting about this.

He was asked, when you go through

the stories of scholars that came before, sometimes

you find scholars and great people in Islamic

history

who lost their children and they did not

respond with crying. They didn't respond with the

emotion that the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam responded

with. Particularly,

he was asked about the story of Fudayl

bin ayyad Rahimullah

who lost his beloved son, Yusuf, who died

in salah praying behind him.

And in full dayd loved him so much

but he was at the janaza

walking around with a big smile on his

face. So some of the people asked

him, are you grieving? Are you okay?

He said, I wanted to show Allah that

I accept his divine decree.

Now, if you compare the response of Fudayl

to losing his son Yusuf, to the response

of the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam to losing

his son Ibrahim,

Which one of them was the more perfect

response? Ibn Taymih Rahimullah said, It's actually the

prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam's response.

Because he didn't have to compromise his rahma

in order to have his ribah. He didn't

have to lose mercy

in order to have contentment.

Whereas the rest of us, we have these

two emotions and sometimes we have to privilege

one over the other in order to perfect

the emotion and Fudayl did not want to

show dissatisfaction

with the decree of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala.

In many ways, the janaza is more for

us than the person who has died.

As soon as we return from the graveyard,

we feel the emptiness of the home they

don't come back to. And we feel the

weight of our deeds for them knowing they

wish they could still do them for themselves.

People can outlive their biological clock,

but you're a huge part of that. Any

good that they did, any good they may

have taught you, any way that they benefited

you,

carry it forward and be part of the

reason that their scrolls of deeds continue even

after their scroll of decree has now fallen

from the throne of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.

So that their actions can continue to benefit

them

and also benefit generations still to come on

this earth.

And one of the best ways to cope

is not just to be a source of

goodness for the newly departed,

but to be a source of comfort to

others that are now grieving the same loss

as you.

When you heal them,

Allah starts to heal you. And even if

you feel like you're hurting most,

the widow that focuses on caring for her

children,

the child that now focuses on his widowed

parents,

all of that is of the best ways

that you can grieve and continue to be

elevated.

For the one that's now gone,

Allah has decreed memories for us sometimes as

reminders to not forget,

and sometimes as a gift to get you

through.

Cherish those memories that you had together in

this life,

Then make new memories through the duas and

donations on their behalf that you'll be able

to celebrate together in the next life inshaAllah.

Death can be the greatest teacher we have

and the people that have gone ahead have

taught us in so many ways and we

often learn so much more about them once

they're gone.

Their hidden struggles or their hidden good deeds,

the responsibilities

they had that we now have to assume.

But imagine out of everything your parents taught

you, Allah decrees Jannah for you through your

being patient with their death.

Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la says in a

hadithqudsi

maliabdilmuthminiandijazaibaqabatul

safiyahuminahlidunya

thummahtasabahu

illaljannah

I have nothing to give but Jannah as

a reward to my believing servant who if

I cause their loved one to die remains

patient.

And that's not just true for our parents

but anyone we love.

Allah knows how much you love them and

how much he restrains your pain for them

out of your love for him. And sometimes

that alone is enough to earn you Jannah.

La tastaghribwuku

alakdarimadumtafihabihidar

So long as you are in this world,

be not surprised that the existence of sorrow

for truly it manifests nothing but what is

in keeping with its character

or its inevitable nature.

This temporary life we live is just a

cycle of events to be patient with and

events to be grateful for.

The moments when you are tested with loss

reveal your truest character and commitment.

That doesn't mean that loss won't hurt,

it will.

It can tear apart your happiness and make

you question your own will to continue on

in life.

But the new connection Allah may be building

between you and him and you and the

others around you may be truly special

while he's also not letting you get too

attached to this life.

The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said, Be frequent

in remembering death for it is Hadim al

lathat, the destroyer of all pleasures.

Because Inna lillahi wa inna ilaha hiji'oon, to

Allah we all belong

and to Him we all return. And that

puts into perspective how every single person in

our lives

and every single piece of us is on

time which he decides.

time which he decides.