Vocabulary of a Narcissist

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Omar Suleiman

Channel: Omar Suleiman

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All right to begin by praising Allah subhanaw taala and bearing witness that nun has the right to be worshipped John conditionally obeyed except for him. And we bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa Salam is his final messenger, we ask Allah to send his peace and blessings upon him, the prophets and messengers that came before him, his family and companions that served alongside him, and those that follow on his West path until the day of judgment. And we ask Allah to make us amongst them Allahumma Amin, the brothers and sisters, typically when you speak about negative traits that are found in the Quran, about the tyrants of the past, and in general, when you speak

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about negative traits, today, you're often talking about how to deal with someone else who has those traits. And so many times, if you were to go into Google, for example, in search a negative trait, it's going to be how to deal with someone who has this trait,

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rather than how to deal with yourself potentially developing this trait. And of course, the Quran, in its very nature calls upon us to be very, very introspective. When you read even the story of Fatone, instead of thinking about the Pharaohs of the world as they exist today, you actually ask yourself, Do I have some of the traits of film? It's very hard for a person to actually have that conversation with themselves, but that's actually what to them. What is that's what reflection on the Quran is that you find everything whether Allah is talking about Benny Islam, or for their own? Or if ALLAH is talking about the devil himself, or their traits that are developing within me, Are

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there signs of that trait? Why do I need to be that introspective? Because the Quran recognizes that sometimes you can have a proportion of something without it being the whole thing. And it's better for you to undercut it early on, so that it does not become to your detriment, not in this life. And more importantly, not in the Hereafter. If I have an arrogance problem, even if it's a small problem, but I'm starting to become more arrogant, more entitled, my tongue is starting to get a little bit looser, I might not be a liar or back biter or a tyrant. But there is enough there that let me try to undercut that early on, before anybody else even notices it. Before someone else comes

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up to me and says, you know, I think you starting to have this problem. As a Muslim who wants to have the most favorable position with Allah subhanho wa taala. You want to identify those traits in proportion and be deeply interrogating of yourself not to a point that you shut yourself off. But to a point that you take necessary corrective measures, that's the skier to knifes. Why this whole introduction, the topic of narcissism is a very interesting one.

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Because as an imam most of the time when someone asks me about the topic of narcissism, I can't recall a single time and I'm not this is very anecdotal, but I can't recall someone coming up to me and saying, I think I might be a narcissist. Or I think I'm starting to develop narcissism. I can recall multiple times over the years. In fact, rarely a week goes by when someone says, I think my spouse is a narcissist. I think my parents are narcissists. I think my children are narcissists. And sometimes they're at least surface level, they're right.

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But very few people actually say, You know what, I think I might have a problem here that I need to actually work on. And so Pamela is the man was Abraham, Allah says very beautifully. If you learn to diagnose the spiritual ills within yourself, if you become hyper vigilant with diagnosing spiritual flaws and diseases within yourself, then you'll also necessarily become better at identifying them and others. But you would have been so humbled by the process of constantly holding yourself to those spiritual ills that you won't write people off. When you start to identify them another's narcissism. Go to Google right now, well, not now in the hardware. If you go how to deal with

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narcissism, it's going to be about someone else. As believers, we want to make sure we don't have qualities that will ultimately ruin us in the Hereafter. And so I want you for this clip to be introspective for a bit. Now narcissism in the technical definition is a condition in which a people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships and a lack of empathy for others. That's the textbook definition. What does this have to do with ultimate because this is not a psychiatry session? This is a test Kia reminder. If now I am Rahim Allah has this powerful reflection about the words that a narcissist is likely to

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start to utter in which they have to interrogate themselves. Tala Rahim Allah to Allah while you are Kunal have mental Yanni, Anna Wali, were nd

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he said a person should be extremely careful

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If they find themselves starting to utter Anna wali were nd free words said if you start to utter them, and the problem is, is that sometimes they don't have an exact equivalent language wise, it's actually not a, you know, these are not words that necessarily translate well into English. But basically if you start saying me myself, I, I, me, you know, to me belongs to me, this is for me, I did, I did this, I did that if you start using i, and me and my two frequently, then you need to be very, very careful, enter, it's very clearly I, Li and nd both of them would would mean to me to me. So basically, I myself me, he said be careful if you start to find yourself using these letters and

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these words too frequently I myself, me and he says for inner her the Alpha Thalassa have teamed up to the Bihar a bliss with their own macaroon. He said these three words were used by three, the devil, at least for their own, the greatest tyrants of all time. And Qarun was a very proud King, also a tyrant. Both of them of course at the time. musante is Sarah. He said these three words Anna Wali, were nd I myself me,

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were the words were the vocabulary of these three individuals. He says ask for a bliss. Carla Anna Hayden Minho. A bliss said, I am better than him. I am better than him. And he said as for for their own. He said, Well, he will Kumasi. I possess the and I possess the entire Kingdom of Egypt where he, to me belongs the entire Kingdom of Egypt. And as for follow on he said in the MT ot to who Allah admin rindy. He said, I earned all of this because of knowledge that I have. I got this. It was me it was my intelligence that got me to this place that you see me so of course I'm gonna boast because I'm the one that made this happen. So he said these three words are very dangerous. And he

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said, if a person starts to find themselves saying these words frequently in their life, then they need to go back and they need to examine if behind the vocabulary are some of the traits of these individuals. Now let's break this down a bit in sha Allah to Allah and the differences in the nuances and the subtleties in brief IBLEES Allah Subhana Allah says bilayer at least ma'am and Africa and testitude Lima falak to be at eight oh IBLEES What stopped you from prostrating to what I created with my own two hands? What stopped you Oh, a bliss and Allah Subhana Allah says, A stick Berta, uncontaminated. Eileen says very powerful. Allah subhanaw taala is helping him to actually

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think a bit what made you have this reaction that you just had, you have a moment here where you could repent, where you could think for a moment, take a step back and say, you know, this was really bad. Why didn't I obey the commands of Allah subhanaw taala a stick about? And Quinta mineralium There's rich tough see it here. But I'll just give a brief summary here to what some of the scholars have said a stuck about was it like a moment of pride? Did you just become prideful? Did you just have like a, you know, visceral reaction, something? Sometimes we make a mistake in the beginning, right, there is an initial reaction. And it's not necessarily indicative of something

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that's been there for a long time. And continental ally. Some of the scholars say, Have you always been this way? Has there always been an arrogance inside of you, a pride inside of you, you know, a sense of entitlement inside of you. And now it's just finally coming to light now you got put to the test and it came to light Japan, Allah IBLEES could have said a stuff that hola tuvo la, I seek your forgiveness of Allah, it was a moment maybe there's something I need to work on. I will go back I will accept whatever the consequences are, and I'll work on this within myself. Instead, he completely deflects Subhanallah when you read about narcissism, and I went down that rabbit hole

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deflection is the first reaction of every narcissist they always deflect why because deflection is the opposite of responsibility. a narcissist never takes ownership they never actually own up they never take responsibility. They immediately deflect deflection is the defense mechanism. So that's when he says no hate on men. I'm actually better than him conduct and even now HELOC, HELOC to monthly I'm better than him. You made me from dirt from fire and you made him from dirt. That's the deflection. It has nothing to do with the way Allah created him. Allah could have made him from gold Allah could have made him from bronze or silver. Allah could have made him from grapes and leaves.

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Your problem is that he's taking a position you

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You feel like belongs to you?

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Right? It's a new flavor of pride. But at the end of the day, at least think about what's wrong with you for a moment and why you reacted that way. You didn't sit there and think Allah preferred me in Allah has stuff Ernie anatomies gin that Allah preferred me to all of the jinn I have a position that no Jin has ever had. I'm with the angels, What business do I have here? Instead you went to?

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Why is he in my spot? Why is he getting all this respect? I'm better than him. He deflected. He didn't even try to answer the question from ALLAH SubhanA wa, it's out if it was Kibet. Or if it was Lou, if it was a sense of pride and arrogance that he wasn't rectifying an entitlement. Because that's a spiritual disease. So don't call him Allah to Allah says, when you start to say, I, I, and you start to see someone as inherently less than you, for whatever the reason is, take a step back, because the bad behavior towards them is often an indication of the way that you see them. And you wouldn't see them as lower if you didn't see yourself as higher that's why when the last contest

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says mockery,

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law, yes ha ha moment men calm Assa and Yaku hiraman home. Don't mock people because they might be better than you. You mock someone because you think that they've inherently fallen in value or that you have a greater value than them. So you start to mock them, they might actually be better than you. So take a step back and don't say Anna frequently. I really, you know, ditch the ice statement or the biller and Kelly met Anna, I don't want to say and Anna and him Allah to Allah said instead replace it with an Al Abdullah Muslim Anil Abdullah Abdullah Mustafa I'm this I am the one who sins I am the one who seeks forgiveness I am the one in need of Allah subhanaw taala but take away I if

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it's coming in the capacity of reflecting some sort of spirit you know superiority in your mind then he looks at for their own for their own is an interesting time because almost every tyrant in history you know at least that that skill follows some somewhat of the mold of for their own for their own would gather his people randomly to declare his superiority let me stop the work they did just tell people how awesome I am.

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Okay, one of the things we're not there for their own fee called me for their own called out to us people call a comb. He said oh my people la Saleemul Kumasi don't I have the Kingdom of Egypt why the hill and have tragedy mentality? You see these rivers flowing beneath my feet? Effort total zero Citroen Can you see Don't you all see what I have? how great I am. How amazing this all is? I'm Anna Hiram and how the Levy who are Mohit while your car do you mean

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it's Pamela he says, don't you think I'm better than this? Nobody is talking about Musa alayhis salam.

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When I account do you mean means look, you can't even talk properly. The guy can't even express himself. You know, are you really gonna listen to him and compare me to him? When I have all of these things, look at what I possess and look at what he possesses. He's a nobody. And I am somebody why because I have milk muscles. Look at all that I own. And look at the rivers flowing beneath me. That guy can't even talk. He can't even explain himself. He stutters he looks like this. He looks like that he's mocking musante his Salah and Subhanallah Allah, you know, as Josie Rahim, Allah says in one of his tangents, he says, for their own was looking with pride, at the unharmed of the rivers

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beneath his feet, not realizing that one day Allah would drown him

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under and immediately initiated, right see on top of him, Allah subhanaw taala would drown him and he was looking at said, look at these rivers beneath my feet, until Allah has planted put the water on top of them and drown them in it. He said, Look at me, I have therefore I am better. So he took his sense of pride in what in what he possessed. And then he says about our own in ML ot to who are there in there in the

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I have been granted all of this, because of the knowledge that I have, because of my intelligence. What's the difference between the two?

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If you look at the words of Godot and and look at the look at the words of for their own Qarun took more pride in the process than the possession for their own, took more pride in the possession than the process. I'm going to explain this again, our own took more pride in the process than the possession for their own took more pride in the possession than the process. What do I mean by that? karoun is like I've worked to get here. I did this. I earned this. Sometimes that sense of entitlement comes from the process, right? Especially someone who comes from a tough

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upbringing and then Allah blesses them Allah bestows His father upon them and they get out of a tough, a tough setting. Your parents come from a country, you come from a country, you know, your parents come from a neighborhood, you come from a neighborhood, there are certain means and now you have those means, and you can start to fool yourself into thinking that you did something right. And they did something wrong. It happens all the time. So cartoons, arrogance, his self importance here comes from what I earn this,

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the brother or sister when you see people under floods in Pakistan, or Afghanistan, or Bangladesh, or bombs and Yemen and Philistine, or people that are struggling to make ends meet a few miles away from you. Don't you dare think for a moment you're here because you deserve it. And they're there because they deserve it.

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Don't you dare think for a moment, it could have easily been that Allah subhanaw taala switched you out. But a person could start to think what, come on man, I went to school, I earned, I work this much. I did this much. All of that was just a test of Allah upon you. All of it. Allah is testing them differently than he's testing you. But it's at the end of the day, it's a test. It's a test. You didn't get there because of your own courage, your own intelligence and even if Allah gave you some quality of intelligence and some quality of courage and a work ethic, that's Allah's gift upon you, you didn't earn that yourself. So now claim Rahim Allah saying take a step back. And if you

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start to find yourself inflating your self importance, either because of the way that you're made, or because of what you have, or because of how you think you got there, take your step back, humble yourself to Allah subhana wa Tada say, and Hamdulillah I am nothing without Allah literally don't exist without Allah subhanaw taala

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and every other person who's sharing in this human test and enterprise with me, whether they're close family, or there's someone else is another act of Allah subhanaw taala that has rights upon me for which Allah will ask me take a step back and deflate the self importance and ask yourself why do I use these words?

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Why is it always I mean, when you get into an argument, you immediately go to your rights, what the other person owes you and how you got there, and this and this and this and that, take a step back. What am I not seeing about the other person? And when it comes to the narcissist every other person becomes a tool or a threat in their constant battle. And so every person and relationship is disposable. What do I mean by that? The narcissist in their inflated sense of importance really loses a sense of empathy and care for anyone else because at the end of the day, your story is the only story that exists in your mind. And anyone who is in your story is either a tool or a threat.

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And I said this before I don't I'm not I'm not fearless therapist. I don't know if it I don't really enjoy killing kids. Or if he really enjoyed killing his wife the way that he killed his wife. Some people get sick and they do that type of stuff. Or if and I don't just saw people as tools or threats. This is my story. I am here I belong on this throne therefore everybody, everybody has either a tool or a threat. And so you're all disposable at the end of the day. That's why a person of knifes of ego we talk about the love and obedience to the chief hypocrite and Medina is willing to burn down the entire city of Medina why because I'm supposed to be the king This is my city right

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now obviously it's hard for us to think about you know ourselves as fit our own and I'm the love No babe and salute

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Lee least think you know when when things when I see people on my only thinking about my story or do other people have stories to around me perhaps I can be a beneficial parts of their story. Perhaps it's not just me that's owed something. But maybe I allow other people to for the sake of Allah subhana, Tirana,

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deflate deflect your sense of importance. Bring it down and think through the other person's lens as well. Not just your own every single time. Even if you're not a pharaoh. Don't go home and say that I learned that I'm fairland today Don't you know army bliss? No, no, no. These qualities are replaced by the qualities of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and the story of Fidel and the quality of musante, his Salah, the quality of these prophets that were facing these types of thing.

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The last thing your brothers and sisters, what's the difference between us as Muslims when we look at this through the lens of Islam, versus you know, you could have just Googled how to not be a narcissist. The difference is that every single relationship that we have in this world, we see it through our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. Every single existence that exists in parallel with us, we see it through our ultimate existence as a slave of Allah subhanaw taala. And so what that means is three things. Allah created me, therefore my value is only

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To the extent that he sees me, Allah created me it doesn't matter what I look like what I physically possess, Allah created me. Therefore my value is only to the extent that he sees me how Allah Subhana Allah sees me, that's number one. Number two, Allah gave me what I possess. Therefore those possessions are only blessings to the extent of how I attribute them to him, or use them in ways that are pleasing to Him. Otherwise, my possessions are a curse. Allah gave them to me, Allah is the source of all those possessions. Number three, I am only a steward of what Allah subhanaw taala commissioned to commissioned me to, I don't own anything, even myself. Again, I steward what Allah

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commissioned me to, I don't own anything, even my own self, I don't own my body. I don't own my house. I don't own anybody or anything. Allah subhanaw taala has given me responsibilities. And that's how I see myself to that world around me. And that will make you both grateful and graceful, grateful to Allah and graceful with the people when you're able to deflate that and humble yourself constantly attributing it back to Allah subhanaw taala. And being Allah centered instead of self centered, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to protect us from thinking too highly of ourselves and forgetting where we are with Allah subhanaw taala We ask Allah to humble us not that we start to

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hate ourselves but that we start to use ourselves and beautify ourselves to be most pleasing to Him. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to make us the best of his Riba, the best of his servants and to make us the best of his whole of the Best of those who he has entrusted with whatever it is, he has entrusted them with Allah my minion, not well Muslim you know what a Muslim Allah here a minimal amount Akula we had it was tough Allah the documentary said Muslim in First off we don't know for wine

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