Channel: Omar Suleiman
Jummah Khutbah at the Valley Ranch Islamic Center – Forgive But Should You Forget? Knowing When To Give A Second Chance.
Sheikh Omar Suleiman deals with this very important issue – to forgive or not?
Grudges, slights, stab in the backs these days, as in the bygone days, leads to generations of feuding. More so today when life and living has become complicated and confusing. The rat race too hasn’t helped ease things. People are in a constant state of stress. Anger and frustration are always in the forefront of the madness of survival.
Disputes arise in many situations – family, friends, business. Worse when family mashes with business. These can lead to the worst fights and are practically impossible to repair.
So what do you do when Allah has forbidden breaking ties? How do you manage the situation so some semblance of harmony, of a truce may be achieved?
Pay heed to our Sheikh as he walks you through incidents from the Seerah that address these specific circumstances, guiding you to achieve that peace of mind and tranquility we all seek in the face of betrayal by others we trusted and believed sincere.
Wakanda Talia Valentina homina Chappell, la Hakka Ducati Willa Morton illa Anta Muslim moon yohanna Sutra Pura vida como la de la communists in wahida. ohana caminhadas Elijah Baba mean humare john and Kathy are on manisa What's up? Hola Hola DITA. I don't want to be here. We'll have him in Alaska, Canada coming up, Reba? Yeah, you're Latina. amaroo topo la upou Colin sadita use Kamala como una mejor para la hora Sula, who fukada faza fosun alima My bad. I'm going to ask the brothers to move forward as much as you can from now please make space inshallah for those that are coming late, as much as you can please move forward. We begin by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala by
bearing witness that nun has the right to be worshipped or unconditionally obeyed except for him. And we bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as his final messenger we asked a lot sender's Peace and blessings upon him, the messengers and prophets that came before him, the companions and his family that were with him and those that follow him and his noble path. Until the day of judgment, we asked a lot to make us amongst them a llama I mean, the brothers and sisters, when we speak about forgiveness, it's usually a very sore topic. It's hard to forgive when you are the one who has been wronged. It is hard to forgive. When someone has taken advantage of you. It's
hard to forgive when the person that took advantage of you perhaps is someone that was very beloved to you, or a family member or someone that you entrusted with something even if that was just your yourself. It is very difficult to let things go. But I'm not going to give a hope about grudges, we have many quotables about grudges, I actually want to move to the next step beyond the forgiveness piece. We often hear about how praiseworthy it is to forgive people and to let grudges go well yeah for Leos for who Allah to have one if it Allah Hola, como una last pelletize says let them forgive and overlook and pardon. Because Don't you want a lot to treat you the exact same way. So the the
principle that we live by is that you treat others as you want to be treated by Allah subhanho wa Taala. If you want a lots of forgive you, then you forgive others. And that should be enough of a motivation, even if the person that you're forgiving, does not appear to be deserving of that forgiveness in any way whatsoever. You want that higher forgiveness from Allah subhanho wa Taala you want that mercy so you show that mercy? But there is another element to it. What does forgiveness entail? And how do I deal with that person after I've forgiven them? You know, when we talk about a person sins and their sins that are between them and Allah subhana wa Tada. The door is always open
to Allah, meaning of a person's offense only involves them harming themselves, then it's between them and Allah subhanaw taala. And the opportunities for Toba are limitless, literally limitless. A man comes to the Prophet slice them and tells them if I drink alcohol. And, and then I seek forgiveness from Allah subhanaw taala be forgiven and the prophets lie some set of his if his repentance was sincere. Yes. He said, But what if I became weak again, I didn't intend to go back to it. But I went back to it. I fell into it again. The prophets lie Some said then a sin will be written for you. He said, but then I feel bad about it. And I seek Allah's forgiveness again. And
the prophets like some sort of fear, forgiveness was sincere and part of the sincerity of that repentance is that you will not return to it you actually believe you have that resolve that I will not go back to that sin, Allah will forgive you. But then if I go back to it again, and he did this with the Prophet sly, some of them up to eight times in one narration and the Prophet slicin told them Allah will forgive you. And he said, Allah will not tire from forgiving you until you tire from seeking His forgiveness.
Allah subhanho wa Taala does not become tired of sea of granting you forgiveness until you get sick of seeking it. Meaning if it's between you and Allah, and you keep falling into the same sin, and you keep on asking forgiveness. Allah never says, well, it's been five times or six times, as long as each time your repentance now you shouldn't fall back into it eight times, or nine times if you if you really have that resolve, but some people are really weak.
But as long as every time you sought forgiveness from a lot, you really have that resolve that you won't return back to it. Okay? So if the sin is between you and Allah, it's one thing but what happens when your sins involve other people? That's where it becomes tricky and more dangerous because a lot does not remove the rights of people because he chose to forgive someone. Allah Subhana hoods Allah will not wrong, the one who has been wronged again, by not giving that person justice
This. So if that person chooses not to forgive when they are wronged, that's between you and that person, Allah subhanho wa Taala will not remove that person's right. Ally might forgive you. But that person, you also have to seek their forgiveness and give them back their rights. What happens though beyond that, and I want to share with you all some interesting incidents from the seed of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And the point of this is to actually develop a methodology from the sin of the prophets lie Selim, because for many people, when they are wronged, they might forgive and they might truly forgive, but they don't know whether forgiveness means extending a second chance.
And that's what I want to focus on today. Because I get asked this question every time anyone who's in any pastoral capacity always gets asked, well, do I have to give them a second chance? If I've forgiven them, it's one thing Do I have to forget? And there are some interesting incidents from the Prophet sallallahu wasallam that really give us a holistic picture of this and how we should develop a methodology. The first narration is a famous narration from Alabama we thought about all the time Whoa. He says that before the conquest of Mecca, before the messenger slice on return to Mecca,
as big as a victor the prophets lie Selim had that that that opportunity to be victorious now to reclaim the land that he was run out of he and the companions that were persecuted and run out of Mecca. And he's coming in sallallahu wasallam. Completely victorious with everyone at his mercy. The prophets lie Selim called the idea of the Allahu taala. And he told Ali, go and call a Zubaydah and an alarm for the Allahu taala, on whom these were two of the strongest companions of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, the most evil companions of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And he called them both to him, and he says, We were both on our horses. And the prophets license said make your way to
And when you get to such and such place, you're going to find a woman and she's going to have with her a camel that looks like this. So the prophets lie some describe the woman and he described the camel. He said, when you get to her, tell her to give you the letter that is with her, because how hplip how lip ignore Abby belta how Fibonacci belta sent a letter to the to the Mr. Kenan Mecca
informing them of our plans. And he sent it with this woman meaning how club was putting the entire oma at risk by sending a letter with this woman. So the profit slice some said go to her and make sure that you get that letter. So Alina Zubaydah they made their way to that place on their horses, and they found that woman on her camel and I need all the Allahu anhu said her description was exactly as the prophets lie. Some said the camel was the same district description, the place was exactly the same. So they asked her, they said give us the letter. The woman said, I don't know what you're talking about. So I needed all the Alon who said give us the letter Also, we're gonna have to
search you for it. So she said I don't have a letter. So and he told her to get down from her camel. They searched everything on the camel first to see if the letter was hidden in one of the compartments or the pouches. And I need all the time who said that we came up with nothing. So he said, I said to the woman again, give me the letter.
And she said, I don't know what you're talking about. So he and his debater looked at each other. And I do it all the time, who says that I said to us obey, we know that the prophets lie, some is not like, we are 100% sure that the prophets lie, some is not lying. So he said to her look, if you don't give me the letter, then I'm going to have to search you.
And I don't want to have to do that. So finally it says that she reached into her above and she into her garment and she pulled out the letter and she handed it back to it and is available the Oklahoma. So they made their way back to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam and he says the prophets lie some was sitting with his companions. And we handed the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the letter and how club was present how club did not know that the Prophet slice alum knew about the letter. So he was in this gathering with the companion so you can imagine how you know stressful This is going to be when he sees the letter being handed to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
and we and when the letter was handed to the prophets lie Selim and he read it, they said Yasuda la Aparna la hora, sola, when what meaning O Messenger of Allah, He betrayed a lot on his messenger and the believers. So let us execute him. This is treason. The guy just put us all at risk. He sent this letter and he put us all at risk. If it would
have reached them with the plans that would have gotten us all in trouble. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam looked at how club and you can imagine how
it would be justified to execute him he knows he committed treason he knows the letter says he has no way out of this. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to help yeah help Mohammed Okada muscle not Oh, how to Why did you do what you did?
why he's not saying it to him sallallahu wasallam by means of interrogation he's saying it to him Why would you do this?
You're a believer, the messenger I think his thoughts are some knows the hypocrites amongst the believers. And he knows that how club is not one of them. Why would you do this? So how club says yellow suit a lot lot of times and they don't be hasty with me. He said, Well law he I believe in Allah and His messenger. I am not a hypocrite. I am a believer. I truly do believe in Allah and His messenger. He said, but I have no one to protect me and my family, and my possessions if things go wrong in Mecca. All of these mohabbatein have their tribesmen, they have someone to protect them. If things were to go wrong, they would at the end of the day, be at the mercy of their tribes. Maybe
they wouldn't be executed maybe things would be let go maybe things would be forgiven. But I on the other hand, if we ended up in Mecca, and this operation of returning to Mecca did not go well. Then I would be in trouble. I would have no one to protect me. The prophets will allow you some imagined the incident and everyone is like yeah, whatever right? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said sadhaka he told the truth fell out so called hula hula Hydra. Don't even say anything to him except for good words.
Now, this blew the shock the companions because how hplip
committed a grave offense here. This is treason. And the prophets lie. centum says listen, he told the truth. He's sincere. He made a mistake. Don't use bad words with him. He's not going to be punished and the prophets lie some forgave
the Allahu anhu and he wrote the Allahu anhu as obey or the Allahu anhu. All of these companions start to say Yasuda Allah the man's has put us all in danger.
And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says to Omar, what the Allahu anhu? He said, Isn't he one of those that fought alongside us in the Battle of bedroom? Wasn't he there with us in bed?
And the prophets lie Selim says, You don't know. But maybe Allah looked at the people of better the veterans of better and said to them, Do whatever you want, I have forgiven you for everything.
So this man belongs to the veterans of Bedford he is not some hypocrite that showed up and made excuses. He's a man that fought alongside us and beddit. And Allah may have looked at the people of Bedford and said that you all are forgiven for everything. Because there is no way a hypocrite would be present in bed. What was what was supposed to be a massacre of the Muslims. So Allah subhanaw taala forgive them all. So our motto the Allahu taala, and who he started to cry, and he said aloud to Anna also to Adam, Allah and His Messenger, no bust. In this situation, the prophets lie, some forgave him, he let it go. He did not hold them accountable. Now, here's the thing. There are other
incidents where the prophets lie, some dealt with people differently. And I want us to actually contrast these two incidents and another narration. There's a man who fought against the prophets lie Selim in the Battle of bed that by the name of a lot, a lot of what I was a poet, as well as a warrior.
And we know that the prophets lie Selim did not want to harm the captives of better he let them go free. Some of them he told them, if you teach 10 people how to read, you go free. Some of them he said, just pay your way out. Some of them their family members came and asked for them and the prophets lie some showed mercy. So the prophets lie some dealt with supreme mercy with with the prisoners of bed that even though they came with wine bottles to celebrate over the corpses of the believers, so here's the scenario of what was in front of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in as a captive on the day of bedded and he says, oh, messenger of Allah. He said that I was forced
to come out. Let me go, I will never fight you again. prophets lie Selim said, Do you promise to never fight against us again? abora said, Yes, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam let him go. above water law once again was present on the day of fighting against the believers.
So the prophets lie, some captured him. He was in front of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said Yasuda Allah I will never fight you again.
He thought the prophets lie Selim was going to do what he did and better and the Prophet
Slice I'm sad that you will double minuman during one hidden Markov chain. The believer is not stung in the same hole twice. The believer is not stung in the same hole twice. So he was executed. These two incidents are very interesting, because you have one person who the profit slice I'm going again he's acting as a head of state, he has to act in the interests of the people in the interest of his followers as well. One man the prophets lie Selim, let's go the other one, the prophets lie some let him go as well. But the second time the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam rightfully punished him, he came to Medina to fight and to kill people. And very likely, if it was the Battle of art, he did
kill people. Right two times fighting against the Prophet slice on the second time, the prophet SAW Selim sets a methodology for the believers in says, a believer does not allow himself to be stung in the same hole twice.
Meaning being merciful, is different from being naive. Do not expose yourself to be taken advantage of. That's not how a believer is supposed to function. And a lot of times when we just take one incident from the seat of the Prophet slice, and we say man shout, love, mercy, and yes, mercy, but his mercy did not limit him sallallahu wasallam to put everybody else at risk, because if he would have said to him, You know what, go free, he would have been there in 102. Clearly, there is a pattern here, that he's demonstrated a behavior that he's going to continue to hurt us and the Prophet sallallahu wasallam dealt with him in regards to that. So how do we reconcile between these
two incidents? And what are some lessons we can take for ourselves from the seat of the prophets lie some number one was how to be a threat to the community and would the prophets lie Selim have forgiven a second offense?
Okay, meaning the prophets lie Selim here at this point how Philip
is dealing with the Prophet slice them in different circumstances, they are in a position where they are the overwhelming majority were literally the profit slice them could march into Mecca and not kill anybody. And still, Mecca would come under his authority. Salalah Harney was saddam, and he could forgive the people and all of that. So how clip represents a different threat level? And would the prophets lie Selim have forgiven him a second time Allah knows best? Allahu Allah. And we can only derive based on our assumptions that you know, maybe of how that would have went and sold out or did something in taboo or did something in a future, you know, expedition and then it would have
shown his insincerity in that situation. The second thing, obviously, we don't have access to the intuition of the revelation of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Clearly, we are not him and he could see who is sincere and who is playing games and who is lying and so on so forth, who is playing a game of deception. So there are multiple issues here the issue of power. The Muslims in this case of bedridden or hoods are I mean, they they're they're being subject to a to attempted genocides at this point.
So the passion that the Prophet slicin feels the the mercy that he has the law, Harney, who is some of them, may be that you know what I would like to be able to forgive this man and let them go and say he's not going to do anything anymore.
But what about his mercy to the believers that he would be putting at risk in that situation? Shouldn't he have love for them too? Shouldn't he have mercy for them as well? sallallahu wasallam. So how do we bring this now to our level, when I am in a situation where I have been hurt, or and I've been asked to forgive, and I've been asked to let something go.
There's a difference between forgiving and forgiving. There is a saying in the Bible, which is very profound, actually, that resides on the Jesus peace be upon him said be shrewd as snakes, but innocent as doves. A person has to be smart, but a person should not be evil, as they have been taken advantage of by evil. So if I'm in a relationship, and I've been abused, by extending a hand of forgiveness, that's one thing to say, you know what, I forgive you. And I'll let things go and I won't hold you accountable. But it's another thing to say, you know what, here's a second chance, here's a third chance, here's a fourth chance by which I put myself at risk. And even worse than
that, I have to ask myself by forgiving by forgetting about something by extending a second chance because forgiveness is a given. The believer should try to always clean their hearts. Because the more you occupy your heart with with with a grudge, the less you'll be able to occupy it with the love of Allah subhanaw taala and to spiritually elevate yourself that's a given. But by extending a second chance, number one, do I put myself at risk
For a second time the prophets license said the believer does not harm nor does he reciprocate harm. I should not be naive and put myself at risk a second time. The second thing, am I putting others at risk by extending a second chance. So, you might, you might want good for someone and you might want someone to seek forgiveness from Allah subhanaw taala. And you don't want them to be punished in Hellfire you don't want them to be to meet Allah subhanaw taala as Justice on the Day of Judgment, but at the same time,
you also don't want to put people in harm's way.
So for example, if there's someone that's a crook that's scamming people, right, and he scammed me in a business deal. And he went from being brother Michelle, lots of being brother and stuff like that a lot, very quickly. Started off nicely, I thought this was gonna be great. And then you know what I was taken advantage of,
by me forgiving that brother. And then I see that brother, going into business deals with other people and not telling them, I'm also putting them in harm's way.
And that's not the sin of the prophets lie Selim, we had a messenger it is Salatu was Salam that used to warn actively about people that could harm others. He showed us some Allah how you summon the example, when a woman came to him out of his slot to Islam and asked, you know, about a particular man, actually, she asked about two men and the Prophet slice that, um, said, Well, this guy always carries a stick on his shoulder. And the other guy is stingy.
He didn't want to put the woman in harm's way. It wasn't like, well, I really liked that guy. I really loved that brother. So I don't want to turn away this potential spouse from him.
No, I love that brother. But that's my sister, too. I care about her as well. I don't want her to be in harm's way. I don't want her to find herself in that situation. So I might forgive a person. But at the same time, I have a responsibility to others, I have a responsibility in some situations in an abusive household, I have a responsibility to my kids. If someone has exhibited a behavior of abuse, and I let that go, I can forgive. But if I let that go, and I don't make sure there are checks and accountability. I'm putting my kids in danger, too. I'm putting people in danger as well. In the case of infidelity. I know that a lot of people don't want to hear this. But there's a
difference between between a person that committed an offense in a time of weakness and I forgive them on a person who has a pattern of behavior.
The prophets lie Some said the believer is not stung in the same hole twice. We also learn from him some allies, and this is very powerful, actually, in the program. Very powerful the way the Sahaba applied this ayah Allah mentions to us that there is a difference between a person who seeks forgiveness before they are caught and a person who gets caught and then asked for forgiveness, there's a difference popular and tuck the rollei him those who come forth, before you have them in your grip. There's a difference. A person came to a recognition that they were causing harm, that that I messed up, and then they come and they seek forgiveness that's different from a person that
Because in the first case, you can trust that that person at least a little bit more is seeking that forgiveness from Allah subhanaw taala and from the people that they may have harmed. So we have a methodology here that we take from the Prophet sallallahu wasallam and you know what we're human. And the messenger i think is Salatu was Salam. Though he was the most perfect human being he still showed us how to be human. Someone might come to me and say you know, someone harmed me and I forgive them but I don't want to be their friend anymore. Do I have to be their friend like Do we have to go back to the way it was? I forgive them I don't hold any grudge against them. May Allah
forgive them not to three very common young, but you know what? I don't want to be used.
I'm not used to Friday his solemn Do I have to be used to finding his salon? Or can I say you know what, you're forgiven, but at the same time, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. I don't want to be your friend anymore. I don't want to associate with you. So now I'm on a comb. I'll see you I'll smile at you. It's all good. I'm not gonna hate you. I'm not gonna make against you. I'm not gonna pursue you. But I don't want to be your friend anymore. Even the prophets of Allah carniolan gives us precedent for that. Yes, Ramadan Allah Allah mean a mercy to the world. When why she even held up?
Who killed Hamza little, the Allahu taala. And who the uncle of the Prophet slicin, who is the same age as the profit slice on who was the brother of the prophets lie Selim. He was breastfed from the same woman. He was so close to the profit slice on that some of the return that came later on. They said if there was one person that would have been able to rival Apple bucket or the low on who for that he left that would have been Hamza. We don't even know Hamza's history post it because it didn't exist. But imagine if Hamza was there. Hamza, the first powerful man to accept Islam alongside the Prophet slicin them so why she who struck the prophets who struck
hemsedal the low annual cause the prophets lie some to cry. Like he never cried before, mutilated Hamza,
why she repented and became Muslim, the prophets license that are not for you. He didn't say not for you, I can't forgive you. But the prophets lie Selim had a difficult time being in washing his company.
He saw why she's faced and he remembered why she throwing the spear at him little the Allahu taala. And who and the prophets lie, some did not tell what actually you are not forgiven, you are forgiven. You are a Muslim, you are a brother, you are a Sahabi What more do you want them that?
But you know what, why she doesn't have to be apobec if
he got that salary, something conveyed that to us. That's not a requirement from the person. Too often we place too much on the aggrieved, too much on the oppressed. Instead of solving the problems of oppression at a micro and a macro level. We always tell people to be the bigger people, but we don't stop the causes of wrongdoing and oppression in our community. That's not Sunnah. That is not the Sunnah of our Prophet sallallahu wasallam do not cherry pick from his car, and go to another extreme and talking about him. And I mentioned the quote from Jesus peace be upon him in the Bible, if it is indeed his quote, but you can't cherry pick any of these books. You have to take it for
what it is that we also have to be smart for ourselves, for our communities, for our families, for our children, and we have to make sure that we show mercy to even the future generations by rooting out the causes of volume and the causes of oppression and wrongdoing. May Allah never allow our hearts to be filled with with grudges or with hatred. May Allah remove any hatred and graduates from our heart. May Allah subhana wa tada protect us and our families from being taken advantage of or being oppressed. And may Allah protect us from oppressing others. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala use us use us to alleviate the wrongdoing or to alleviate and protect those who are being wronged by
others alarm I mean a call recording how there was stuff a lot of companies out there must have been first off throw in a hole for working
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