Treating Women In Islam

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Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

Topics: Women

Episode Notes

One of the most misunderstood ayat of the Quran is in Surah An-Nisaa. This is a classic example of how a passage, taken out of context leads to false claims against the word of Allah. In this khutbah, Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan stresses that we can’t read aya 34 without considering what came before and after it. He teaches us that the idea of a man’s ‘qawama’ over a woman has nothing to do with authority and everything to do with being a constant caretaker and supporter of women. We only need to look at the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and how he treated his wives to learn that hitting was never a part of it.

Episode Transcript

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Hola Hola.

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Hola. Hola. He Machito Najim

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original Luca Muna Annalisa a bah bah bah bah bah bah bah and for comin and wily him for salejaw two carnita two and a half ivatan lillebaby Mahaffey. Voila.

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rubbish everywhere silly Emily Tata melissani of Coco de la Hamas EBITDA under multiple multiball La ilaha illallah wa la homage I live in a Latina a mano a mano, sorry, hurt, whatever. So we'll have whatever sub sub i mean, no, but I mean, those of you that are familiar with the Arabic language and the Koran somewhat, can already tell what the subject of my hood but is going to be. This I have the Quran is the 34th. I have Soto Nyssa. It is the subject of a lot of controversy around the world on the internet, there are actually academic symposia held on this ayah because this is famously known as the idea of hitting women. That is the famous name for this ayah. And I'd like to start by

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telling you that these naming conventions, these famous the the idea of oneness, or something like that, right? I remember actually, almost 10 years ago, there was a symposium on justice ideal University, and how to solve the problem of this ayah.

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I personally, just from a from a student point of view, let's leave the academics aside for Muslims, when we study the Koran, we're not just studying something that's an intellectual exercise. We're humbly studying the Word of Allah. And part of our Eman is that this word is supreme. What kennametal law here earlier, the word of Allah is in the supreme place. It is above criticism. It's above, you know, our commentary as put it in terms of putting it down. Whether I'm a man or a woman, what I what I come to find in the book of Allah, before I even understand it, before I understand it, there are some things inside of me that will never change. And one of them is this there is no

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greater gift of Allah than this revelation. This is the manifestation of Allah's ultimate love, care and mercy. He calls himself a rock man, when he describes that he taught the Quran Allah Allah, Allah Quran. Anything that Quran teaches, as a matter of fact, is a manifestation. It's a it's an example a sample of Allah is loving care of mercy that is evidenced by his name out of man itself. But often because the some of these passages of the Quran or some of these subjects of the Quran, are so muddled with controversy and criticism and allegations against Islam. It's actually no surprise now that even many Muslims are uncomfortable with parts of the Quran. And when they hear

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certain parts of the Quran, they feel like Well, how do you explain this? Or how do you explain that and it's okay to not understand and it's okay to want to seek an explanation that is perfectly fine. And as a matter of fact, it is also not okay to have a shallow understanding of the book of Allah, not truly understand what a lie is saying. And then fully, confidently say this is exactly what Allah means we have to be humble, even as students have a large book, that at the end of the day, Allahu Allah, there is the exercise of the double the exercise of reflecting on the Quran, trying to find meaning, purpose and guidance in the Quran, at the end of the day is a human effort, I will do

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my best to try to understand the word of Allah. But at the end of it all, the word of Allah is perfect and my mind is not, I'm only going to get as far as I can get. And at the end of it all, I have to give in what rasa hoonah Phil elmia coluna, ama NaVi coloman and Dr. rabina. Even when they come across what they can't quite understand, what is the shaba hamin? Who, what is quite somewhat ambiguous from the Quran, not so clear to them. They those who are really truly rich in knowledge. They don't say, Ah, I know what this says. They say we believe in it, all of it is from Allah, I'm okay. I'm good. That contentment in the heart needs to be there as a major prerequisite.

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Having a criticism in the heart of the heart of a believer had a criticism of the word of Allah, you have to understand that is no different than a criticism of ally himself. The word of Allah is actually a representation of Allah xojo it is it is from him. This is his message. This is his position. So we have to have a humility, regardless of gender when we approach this subject. The other thing I want to say is that actually in later on in the Quran, by revelation earlier in the last half later on, one of the criticisms Allah azzawajal made about the approach to his book is alladhina joggle Khurana

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they took the Quran and they tore it to pieces. They took the Quran and two

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Two pieces. Now it's pretty interesting that that statement was made when the Prophet was in Mecca. sallallahu, alayhi wasallam. The Quran wasn't even documented in writing yet. It wasn't even available as how do you tear something that's not even written?

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The point was, you take one piece, one phrase, one word, one expression, one is even. And you rip it out of its context. You don't care to know what Allah said before what Allah said, After

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what, where does this belong? What are the other ayat that help you complete your understanding? Nope, you hear half a thing. You take a soundbite, which is what media does in propaganda, right? You take a soundbite, and then you'd say this person said, so and so what actually that's half the sentence. The other sentence, the rest of it is something else. You know, taking things out of context is actually one of the main implications of a Latina Jaiden Khurana.

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That's one of the crimes that's been committed against this beautiful, beautiful IRA. And I have to start with that, that this is a remarkably beautiful IRA. The IRA is divided into two halves. The first half of it is how things should be. The second half of it is what do you do when things aren't as they should be? two halves. What do you do when things aren't as they should be includes the part that is the subject of controversy. But in order to even understand that phrase, one must first give proper regard to the fact that that's not an ayah by itself. The ayah is a large passage, it's a large sum of sentences. My hope today is actually dedicated to the first half of this ayah, that

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part of this ayah that gets ignored. I would argue before we even and it would take enough time, I would think in this whole but to even get a word. We're fortunate if we get through that part. And another occasion, I'd like to come and now deal with the second part of the site. But really, at the end of the day, a lot of complaints that people don't even they take the cronitor to pieces. The crime with this is people have taken the IRA and torn into pieces. They haven't even looked at the IRA by itself. You know, at the very least, the subject of our contemplation in the Quran is the ayah Leah de Muro iottie, so they contemplate his eye art. So you look at the ayah as a whole at

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least. And then as a larger sum, you look at the surah as a whole. And then by extension, you look at the Quran as a whole. So things have to be looked at in a conjoint sort of way. So I'd like to begin with the first remarkable phrase here are Regina Luca, Mona Lisa,

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men, rough translation men are maintainers over women. Men are maintainers, caretakers over women. But let's dig deep into that word in between men and women, which is comunale Hinako una analisa. The word Kawan comes from the Arabic verb karma to stand, but also means to commit lezama. To take care of, to maintain, to be serious to be committed to something. As a matter of fact, one of the names of Allah comes from this same origin, Allahu La Ilaha Illa who will how you can you and can you is actually related to the word a one it's from the same origin. And so the first thing from a from an m&e point of view from a faith point of view is we have to be careful and how to understand

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this word, because Allah chose this word to extract from it one of his own names. So if you are loose in the treatment of this word, you're dealing with something very sacred to begin with, you have to think about for a moment, take a step back. And think about language altogether, a lot of talk all of AI Allah mahoba all language was taught by Allah, even what we speak now in English or do or Punjabi or Farsi, or, you know, Bahasa Malaysia, whatever language you speak, that is actually good, it goes back to what was given to other Malays. But he chose of all of those languages, he honored the Arabic language for his final revelation, but not all of the Arabic language. Within the

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Arabic language, a few a subset of the Arabic language was chosen to become part of a laws words themselves. And within that vocabulary, there's even a more special vocabulary which I love chose to describe even himself. So of the the words that have ever been uttered by humanity, the words that I have received the greatest honor are the ones that are attributed to Allah Himself. And our moon is actually related to one of those names, I'll call you. Now to maintain to commit to take care of, are a very direct immediate implications of karma. Actually, this is from from the extended version of this verb comes of karma from when we say karma to Salah, it's from the same origin. The first

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thing I'd like to highlight is from the Arabic point of view, this word has nothing to do with authority. Is has to do with authority say Tata has to do with authority. Somebody has to do with authority. There are several words in Arabic, Arabic is a very rich language. There are several words in Arabic that are available for what word for what concept authority, karma is not one of them. Guam is not one of them.

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As a matter of fact, Amara is different from kohan or Amina is different from Guam.

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There's a fundamental difference. But unfortunately, in many people's minds, even this opening statement of the idea is interpreted as men are authorities over women.

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Do men have authority over women in certain circumstances? Absolutely. I will be the first to tell you. But where does that come from? It comes from other places. It can come from other evidences. I am not a proponent of taking something from the Quran, and then imposing on it my version or my view, even if my view is correct, because of some other reason. You see, let the IRS have to be taken as supreme on their own. We don't impose on the IRS, the IRS imposed on us, you know, Colonia de la la. This is a speech of Allah, it rides Supreme, it is not dominated over anyhow. What does this imply a while I'm actually it's called co2, mobile lava, something that requires the crowd

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repetition like you know, in Arabic, you'll say hubbas, or a yard or kasasa. And things like that, right? They come from the same pattern, when somebody does something over and over and over again, and they have to keep going back and doing it and then they become an expert in doing so that's why someone who makes a lot of homeless bread is a Cuba's a baker, because they make it over and over again, they get very good at it. Okay. And so when names sound like that, like one of the last names is called far

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far suggests that Allah doesn't just forgive, he forgives repeatedly over and over again, he does it. And that that suggests, in some cases, even expertise. Guam here suggests that men continually express their care, their loyalty, their commitment, they renew it over and over again over women. That's the idea of

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someone who maintains takes care of shows loyalty shows love is actively involved over and over again. In other words, men don't get to be passive in their relationship with their women. It cannot be a passive relationship. It cannot be she knows I love her.

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It can't be that, Oh, she knows I care. It can't be that it needs to actually be expressed actively and repeatedly and constantly. And that's that's the first implication that is inside our region. lucapa Mona Lisa, but then Allah gives his rationale. Why should this be the case? On what basis should you be the caretaker? Why? Because first be my football Allahu Akbar.

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Because Allah has given some preference over others. Now first reading of that might make you think that means because men should maintain take care of commit themselves and renew and continually refresh their commitment to their women, because Allah gave preference to men over women, but actually that would have been being a footballer who moolah Who are they hidden now? When he says bla bla bla bla bla bla bla, then that actually means some over others in other words, in some matters, Allah has given women advantages. And in some matters, Allah has given men advantages I'll give you for example, a Quranic advantage Allah gave women with Taka la sala de de una de la or Hama

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in de la Casa La karateka beginning of this surah itself, so Tanisha Allah mentioned taqwa of himself and then he mentioned taqwa of the womb. Allah subhanho wa Taala. And let it be what tacos or Hama.

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Hama have Taqwa of the wombs of the mother, what a status given to the woman that Allah put dakhla which occurs either for Allah or for judgment a or for protecting yourself from a less torment in the Hara. Be that careful of Allah, be careful of judgment and be careful of the womb of the mother. Be careful of the relationships of the womb, and everything that comes with it, whether it's marriage, motherhood, your aunt, your, you know, your grandparents, etc, grandchildren, whatever Bob wants you to somebody through the womb is a sacred bond. Now that you should have Taqwa one advantage that's been given other places in the Quran, Allah will say, well, ohana, mithila de la

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hinda.

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He's given them some advantages,

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in compensation for some of the disadvantages. That's what Allah will say himself, you know, and this is in a dignified way that Allah did this, not to humiliate them, but he added even the qualification Bill maroof, at the end of that phrase. So the idea here is a lie is actually encouraging men to acknowledge that women have been given certain honors. And because of it, they must go out of their way to take care of women.

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They must actually acknowledge the blessings Allah has given them, the merits that Allah has given them. And in acknowledgement of that. Now, you've been put not in a position of advantage, but rather in a position of responsibility. This is a burden on you. This is something you'll be asked about. This is actually in line with some mulatos aluna Yama is in an enduring. On that day, you'll be asked about the favor the blessings you enjoyed, and that is one of them. But then he adds a second qualification. Another basis for which you

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Maintain and take care of your women is what Bhima and Falco mean and while him also this is actually commonly not understood are Maupassant exhausted themselves over this will be mindfuck. Woman, meanwhile him the battle, they say will empty that one argument is lifted up. What does that suggest? It means because the starting point of their relationship with their women is that they spend from their monies.

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Your relationship with your spouse isn't well I pay the bills, I pay the rent, I'm paying the car insurance, I'm paying the cell phone, I'm paying for your shopping, I'm paying. So I don't have to do anything else.

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As if to say the starting point of it Look, because on account of the fact that you're already spending from your monies, which is the original gesture, by the way, even that relationship of marriage began with Muhammad began within falcoda. One. But that wasn't the end of the relationship that was the beginning of the relationship, it actually ceremonially symbolize something, it's symbolize that you're willing to spend even of hard earned income on this person. And therefore now that you've hit, you know, and by the way, when you spend some something on someone or on something, then naturally you take care of it.

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And so actually, on account of that alera xojo says, You must now you and I must as men take care of women will be mindful Bynum want him now,

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on this note, allows origin in the Quran made it pretty explicitly clear. I mean, there are extenuating circumstances, there are unusual situations in life. And Allah mentions those two. But as a general principle, a man is supposed to actually have deep in his spirit that he wants to provide and take care of his family, not just emotionally. And in every every other sense, that's already in a protective sense that's already been mentioned. But also in terms of providing, I felt the need to highlight this because I've I've had, I think, one too many conversations that have left me pretty shocked. Even disgusted, where husbands not only refuse to spend on their wives, I mean,

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not even in the most minimal way, they'll even go to a restaurant. And I'm not talking about some uneducated people from some, you know, in some rural areas, and we're No, no, no, no, no, those people are actually much better. We're talking about people who live in Dallas man, people, we're talking about people that are educated professional, you know, well, well established. And they'll go to a restaurant with their wife and say, we're splitting the check.

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Or I didn't, I didn't want to come here. You wanted to come here you pay?

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Or we're going on a trip to Pakistan. You bet you buy your own ticket.

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Or, you know, well, if you and she says I don't have I haven't bought any any clothes for three years.

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I haven't I don't have anything.

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I don't even have enough to just even get groceries or get a job then.

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I don't have enough. But you do have enough. You're getting a second car. Your you just bought a new TV for your office, which you play video games in?

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Why can't I just have no, no, if you want to just go go get work. Go work yourself.

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This is the antithesis of our moon Allah, if Allah is saying, if you don't have that, if you don't have the sense to want to spend and take care of not. And by the way, that's not an open line of credit for women, either. It's not like she spends whatever she wants or whatever. But you must take care of her needs at least, and make her feel dignified. And actually even if a woman has to come and bang and ask, you know, and be humiliated to even ask for some, some financials, this, this is an indication that you're no longer Come on. You're not where people are coming in why the volume is so beautifully spelled out. You know. And what happens in many traditional cultures isn't a fun

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problem.

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We get married, and our parents and our siblings, there are real family.

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This girl you married. She's just you just did her favorite.

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And you and your family will continuously remind her that you know, I could have married anybody. My mother showed me 20 different proposals, and I went with you. So you just be grateful and live in the closet.

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Use you know your place. And now she sees with her own eyes. Every time you earn something every time there's a moment to celebrate every time there's a joyous occasion. You treat those people as your real family and her a second class.

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Her she doesn't really belong. She's the object of criticism, ridicule, mockery, and even negligence and negligence. And they're and this is very common in Muslim families. How in the world are we people of Quran How can we recite out like these you

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The first part of this ayah we feel like we're on is, you know, it's embarrassing and saying something politically incorrect. We don't even look in the mirror. Well, the first part of this is putting us to shame. us putting us in our place will be my unforthcoming I'm wanting him, then Allah turns his attention to women. Okay, this is how men should be the first part of this brief statement, very comprehensive is how men should be and how they should regard women. And because of the favors not because men and women are special because Allah gave them certain special things. That is Allah grant to them. You know, sometimes you say I don't see anything good in my wife, or

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whatever, allows us to do the same way Ba ba ba ba, ba, ba, ba ba there are some things good in you that are granted you nobody can take that away. There's some things good in her that Allah granted her nobody can take not even you can take that away. Now, from the flip side of this, Allah azza wa jal describes for Sally Hart, good women, good women, reformed women. So law didn't just say on the men's side, he called them rigid.

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On the women's side, he didn't begin with Missa he began with a Saudi had good women. And this is actually now allows direct sermon to women, the believing women, that allows origin wants them not just to be women, but to be good.

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A soul is the Arabic opposite of facade. fascia is when something goes rotten.

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When something becomes rotten, when something no longer has the good smell anymore, good taste anymore. It's no longer nutritious anymore, then it has facade in it.

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In a in a physical sense, Sally heart is healthy even Sally has can even use in like like saline can be used. But also in a moral, spiritual and even emotional sense. Salah has someone who's good to Allah was good to people. Also not in a bad mood all the time, not angry all the time, not anxious all the time, not complaining all the time. Not whining all the time, not remembering the bad that happened all the time and reviewing it like it happened an hour ago.

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Not reliving it and then crying over again all the time, not not, not lost in the negative. There's hollyhock. They actually by the by the way from from it comes over solo, which means reconciliation. Their attitude is one of ending conflicts, not a furthering them. Now what happens often is because we've hurt each other men have hurt women, women have hurt men, right? And, you know, women have been given an incredible amount of patience. That's why their mothers, they have far more tolerance than we do. Try taking care of your kid. And compare that to the way your wife will take care of your kids. There's no comparison. There's no comparison. But then, you know, when a woman is

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exhausted so much in so many other parts of her life, she has no energy left to be tolerant with her spouse.

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So all of that frustration comes out with him. And then she blows up on him. He comes home at work from work and she's just railing on him.

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And then he says, Why are you talking to me like this? And she'll say, Well, I have no one else to talk to. I'm just expressing myself.

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Well, that's there's a two part problem here when her husband failed to be a one. And when she failed to be salia for smiley heart, then he says gone it out on half a lot on literally carnita means subservient, but not to them and polluting Quran from my conviction, Allahu Allah. And there's both opinions, to be honest with you. But from what I can see, carnita is actually subservient submissive, but not to the men, but rather to a large soldier. They're good, and they're subservient to Allah. Now. That's if you can be subservient to Allah, everything your husband asks of you is already taken care of Why? Because when somebody's subservient to Allah,

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when they're submissive to Allah, then they truly a spouse truly becomes the boss for the other than they cover for the faults of the other, then they don't humiliate the other, the middle back by the other, they don't call their friends and say my husband is this way, this way, this way, in this way. They guard you know, like, there were there are cases. Somebody complains, my husband doesn't pray

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my house every every night, he over sleeps. Why does he ever say well, he works until 230 in the morning. So he fought, he overslept, I can't stand it. He's such a hypocrite, etc, etc. That's not the kind of language you use for your husband. If he's not waking up for prayer, that crime that he's committing or sin that he's committing before Allah is also balanced by something he's provided trying to provide for a family he has no other way to make an income he's a human being he passes out, you go out of your way to try to wake him up lovingly not giving him a lecture, you will not fit wake up, you're gonna burn into handle.

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And if he doesn't wake up, you cover for his sin.

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If he doesn't make up your cover for it, and you work patiently until he can, until you can support him in doing so that's not a way of supporting and on top of that too bad mouth him to others.

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Unacceptable

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This is what we might unfuck with Minam Wiley him for Sally how to Connie data and then the next quality of a woman is half a lot on the look a bb mahakala. This is where I'd like to conclude with. They guard the right.

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Good women, they guard the unseen.

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What does that mean? The first most commonly mentioned implication of this part of the ayah is, as a matter of fact, loyalty to their husbands. Loyalty in the sense that they don't expose them to others. Loyalty also that when the husband is gone, they're not doing something the husband wouldn't have wanted them to do loyalty also in the most explicit sense that they're not cheating on their husband, whether they're physically cheating on their husband or emotionally cheating on their husband. No, I'm just talking to him. I just text him every once in a while, when I feel we're just friends. No, no, no, that's also emotional infidelity. There are levels of infidelity, they guard

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the unseen, they guard when the husband isn't there. They protect themselves, you know, the woman has to ask herself, why is she getting extra dressed up when she's going out? When the husband isn't there? Why is she putting on extra levels of makeup, etc, etc. When so and so people are going to be there. I'm not there to make that call. You're not going to be there. You have to make that call yourself. Why are you doing this? Where is this coming from? Why are you changing your profile picture? For who?

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You know, why is that happening? Why are you posting newer and newer poses? As a married woman? What's that about? Who are you who you're trying to impress? You can lie to yourself. You can even rationalize it to me I'm not interrogating you, I'm asking you to interrogate yourself. You just have to interrogate yourself half a lot on the light

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count of what Allah meant to be guarded. Some more reflective interpretations of this before I leave you are also that Allah azzawajal made women have a lot on the hijab, and that they got they're protective of things they can't see.

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They're they're they're more careful and mindful and spiritually more alert than men are. You know, like, in a sense that you know, when when when they make Dora they consider so many more things that men men

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have done

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a woman doll for like 15 minutes as you sit in there and she's crying Why? Because every every concern is a big one to her, especially matters of you know, what she can't predict what's what's going to happen in the future, etc, etc. You know, so I'll put that as a good quality in her to have a lot going Elaine has a spiritual dimension also, on account of what Allah has meant to be guarded. This is the this is the first part of the ayah that is the subject of so much controversy. This is where marriage is supposed to be the function of marriage is described in the most beautiful and comprehensive way before we even get to what hap what goes wrong. Which by itself i would i would

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fully confidently argue is beautiful advice. It's absolutely beautiful advice is and inshallah Allah when when the time comes and we discuss it phrase by phrase and go through it hopefully inshallah Allah you can have a renewed appreciation also of what Allah azza wa jal is saying and what he's what he's getting at in this remarkable Ayah but even before I go to that, just one last thing I'd like to share with you right after this conversation, what should be the right way to go about a relationship what happens when a relationship goes bad? Right after that, what is the statement of align himself? What would allow him to she could be a no bill holiday Nissan will be the loco Baba

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Tama will Misaki. Well, Johnny's in Korba well jalin genoveva sahibi bill Jambi webnet Sevilla Malika de Monaco en la la Mancha Masada hora de la speaking allows it just says worship Allah don't come and check with Him be the very best you can possibly be to your parents, close relatives or friends for the needy. No close neighbor. So when you're traveling by they're commuting next to you even be good to them. list and the one who travels be good to have everyone understood ask yourself this Oh, so the colada saying be good to everyone except your wife.

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So as the Quran is saying, you know, the eye of hitting women

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and hit women, by the way, be good everyone else though. Be great to them have a son towards Africa. What else? What happens to the statement of the Prophet sallallahu? Not who Mr. Allah don't hit the female slaves of Allah.

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What happens to the segment of the Prophet size and haidakhan hydrocone and he the best of you are the ones that are the best to their families. Well, Anna Holloman completely and I'm the best among you to my family. What happens to studying the role of Lhasa when played? How do you serve as a husband? How did he deal with problems in his marriages? There were problems in his marriages. How did you deal with them? How did he overcome those challenges? Why is that so not there? So we understand the manifestation of the Quran kind of Hulu

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His character, his demeanor, the way he carried himself is itself a manifestation of the Quran. That's why those two things can never be separated. You know, Allah xojo makers genuine, sincere and true to the word of Allah. Allah azza wa jal allow us to be, you know, healthy husbands and wives, in our relationships and therefore be sound parents so that we raise our children knowing what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Mark Allah honey welcome for unlocking when a family will accompany it with the critiki

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hamdu lillahi wa kafa also Salatu

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Mohammed Mohammed Al Ameen what Allah alayhi wa sahbihi ajmeri Allah azza wa jal Chiquita Hill kremerata Anna hula hula homina shaytaan Nakajima wahama eketahuna soluna Nabi

00:30:53--> 00:31:05

amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam with aseema Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Allah Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah tala Rahim Allah Allah hemophilia alameen in the Gambia Majid Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Allah Allah Muhammad

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Rahim Allah Allah, Allah Allah mean in Mecca hamidah Majid about a la la la in the La Jolla San Benito when hanifa evil Mancha aka Allah Allah, Allah, Allah Taka, mini Nikita Nakata