Defying the Family

Nouman Ali Khan

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I'm going to continue my intention is to continue discussing the series of I art that deal with lachemann, or the long run who and the advice that he gave to his son. So I have reached the second of the, of the intervention. So let me remind everybody what that means. In this passage, Allah has spoken about Lockman, first of all, telling us about him that he had given him wisdom, and that he have the wisdom that he gave him his entire life Allah chose to highlight and his Koran, the wisdom that he was imparting to his son. So that's a pretty important moment in his life important enough that we find a passage dedicated to that in the Quran. While he was giving his son advice in when he

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got to the point, the first advice, which was not to do shake lab, we have done a lot to rely on him. Allah did not continue telling us the advice I would not mind instead, he spoke to us directly about parents. And I've given one clip about that, which was number 14. And now it's the flip side of it, which is number 15. Because there are two out that Allah interjects This is not look man talking to his son. This is a lot of talking to us before he carries on telling us about Lockman conversing with his son. So this is our first roughly translate for you were in Java, Allah and Toshi can be my listener, can you hear me and if they have both struggled against you,

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for you to commit schicke for you to associate with a law. So if both parents have struggled against you to come and check in or associate in a way that you have no knowledge of Malaysia alcohol, of which you have no knowledge whatsoever, find out,

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then don't obey either of them. Don't listen, don't take influence from them and don't obey either of them. So alized interest in this is saying, don't obey either of your parents. This part was a hippo, Murphy, Tanya MANOVA. And at the same time, give them company both give both of them company in this life in a way that is recognized and decent microphones with Sevilla and about a year and follow the path of the one that has turned towards me for my yamaji Oracle. Then to me alone is all of your return phone a beagle can be Makoto de Malone, then I will be the one to inform you in detail. The things that you use to do this is roughly a translation of the aim. The thing here to

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talk about is first of all, a large image and in the previous I've concluded, be grateful to me and be grateful to both of your parents, you will come back towards me in a year mercy, to me alone is the final return. That was the last time this ayah concludes the same way in a yamashiro come to me alone is the place where you will come back.

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So the idea that you're going to come back to me is in the 14th and again in the 15th. So that's important because

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Now Allah is connecting two things, my relationship with my parents, your relationship with your parents has something directly to do with the day we come back in front of Allah. Now every action is going to be asked about in front of Allah, we know that everything will be questioned before Allah, but for Allah to highlight one action, and then remind us and while talking about that action, that you're going to come back to me, remember, you're going to come back to me. And I will let you know what you did is to say, this is one of those things that I will make a big deal out of on Judgement Day. Like of all the questions you have to answer, this is one of the big questions you

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have to answer. Because alemi went out of his way, he already told us, we have to go back to him, we know that. But to say that in the first idea about parenting, and then the second is about parenting, both of them is pretty serious. This is also serious, because

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in any religion, including ours. And when it comes to any rules, human nature is to try to bend the rules to your advantage. So you want to see things in a way that appeals to your like makes the case for you. Right? The most crooked example I can give you is like accounting, right? So in accounting, if you if you find a really good accountant, and it doesn't, they don't ask you, what do you owe in taxes? They ask you what do you want to pay in taxes? Right? Because then they can do the numbers and not be illegal, technically, but get you to that number, right? So do you have the rules, and then you can manipulate them to your advantage to get to where you want to be? Well, people do that

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in life with rules. But people can also do that with

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with a loss loss. So it could be that somebody says somebody reads in the Quran, you have to be Allah said, you have to be the best you can be to your parents, right. And now a parent could want an unfair demand could put an unfair demand on their child. And when their child says, I don't think I can do that. They can slap them with the ayah. And say, Allah says you have to be the best to your parents don't usually have to go in front of a line answer. Right. So now what happens, somebody is using Allah's law, to take advantage for themselves for themselves. Now in this ayah, in the first ayah, the children were told you better be very watchful, and how you deal with your parents,

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because you can't hide behind excuses. You're not you and I aren't going to have excuses you can I can lie to myself and say, well, I've done my best I can do that make myself feel better. But lying to yourself can work in this life, it won't work in the next life, because in the next life, your own tongue will testify against you, your hands will testify against you, your feet will testify against you. And you're gonna say Why are you talking against me? I thought you were telling me, you know, I'm talkin Olivia and Takashi, the one who gave everything in ability to talk gave us the ability to talk the mesh, I hit them or they know the question will be Why are you all testifying

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against us? We're one, but no, we're not one. So the same. You know, when we think about self interest, it's not going to look like self interest on judgment day. Now, that's important, because the only thing that can really put a check on you is not the rules, you can have the best rules, and somebody can find a way to get around them and still get what they want. Right? The your if your heart is in the wrong place, then the right rules don't matter. You can use the right rules for the wrong reasons. And what Ally's telling us over and over again, as I'm going to ask you where your heart was, you have to come in front of me and all the excuses you gave everybody else. And all the

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rationalizing and all the excuse making, and all the justifications that you came up with, to soothe yourself to delude you to maybe even lie to yourself and others, and it was very convincing is not going to work on judgment day. And you're going to come only in only to me, you're gonna have to explain yourself to me. So that reminder is important because Allah is telling us that there's a lot of room for manipulation in this relationship. Children can be manipulative, and lie to themselves and say I'm doing everything I can.

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And they're not, they're simply not. And parents can lie to themselves. And this, both of them are being kind of put in check. Now, let's talk about this is the AI at hand? Well in Java DACA. And even if both of them struggle against you, Java yahudi harden is to struggle against somebody, it's this family this pattern in Arabic, that means you're you're you know you're in contest against somebody else. So the point of that and desire is Allah telling us that sometimes there can be a real battle inside the home between parents and kids.

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Like, ideally, parents and kids love each other, get along with each other. You know, they take care of each other, and it's a nurturing loving environment and we pray all of us have that

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The reality of it is even some of the best people that ever lived had tough parenting situations like Ibrahim Ali Salaam. Right? That happened. And sometimes when you don't have a father, then you have a father figure, people that were supposed to be father figures of the Prophet slicin them. Some of them were people like Abu lahab. Right, some terrible people in the family. So you don't always have a healthy environment, from the pan from the parent side. And it can also be you have very toxic children that can happen to new holidays, and I've had a toxic child, right? So it's not just parents are messed up. Sometimes kids can be messed up too. So it's both ways. But this

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scenario is the parents are struggling against you. They're fighting against you. It's almost like turning the home into a battlefield over what either and to Sheikha be my listener can be hearing his words carefully. He says they're fighting against you over this cause what's that cause that they want you to do sherek over something you have no knowledge of. And that that's that that phrase, let me explain that. First of what you have no knowledge, what does that mean of what you have no knowledge, Ally's letting us know, in this phrase, that *, and things that people want you to do, because of their culture, because of their other religion, because of whatever is in

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their head, they want you to follow a certain way, if it's wrong, and if it goes against Allah, then you will know that every time somebody wants you to do something wrong, it cannot be based on knowledge.

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And the most offensive thing you can do is say, I've been trying to learn and learn what is right seek knowledge, and live by what I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to learn and follow what is what I know to be right. What you're asking me to be seems wrong to me, because I've never in all my time that I try and try to learn. I never came across knowledge that calls for this. So if you know something, I don't please tell me.

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So now isn't knowledge became part of the conversation with parents? where parents are wanting you to do something? And you asked this question. The question was, I don't know of this, this seems wrong. And I don't know of this. This seems like shipped to me. Because the ILA I worship Allah who I worship, it seems to go against that. But if you know something I don't, I'm all ears, I want to hear about it.

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So before you disobey or say, I'm not going to do it, your first First of all, they're asking you to do something that you've never heard of, that you have no knowledge of meaning, in your quest for knowledge, you never came across such a thing. So when you hear about it, and they say, you have to take part in it. First of all, you say, Where did you get this from? Where did this come from? Because I have no knowledge of it. Because when I seek the right kind of knowledge, this never came up. But maybe I don't know everything. So you can maybe tell me and then you know what, when you say that, so for example, just to give you an example, sometimes we have Muslims in different parts of

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the world, who, you know, they live in cultures that were multicultural and multi religious societies, right. So Muslims in India, for example, have been neighbors to Hindus for a very long time. Right. And Muslims in Malaysia and Indonesia, for example, I've had Buddhist neighbors for a very long time, right? So that we were not just Muslims. We have other cultures, other societies, Muslims living in the West Indies, in Ghana, whatever, they have Christian neighbors, they have Christian friends, and they've lived there for many generations, right. So we aren't just Muslim, we have other people of other religious faiths that are kind of inter Islamic of exchange with them. So

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sometimes our diets are similar to theirs, even though we eat halal, and they don't. But some sometimes the kind of food we like, is similar, right? The kind of clothing we may wear is similar, even though they're a different religion. But you know, what happens sometimes, sometimes their religion and what they do in their religion slowly makes its way into the practice of a Muslim family.

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Right, so they don't accept Christianity, or they don't accept Hinduism or Buddhism. But some of that stuff. Some of the, let me just call it what it is. Some of the shift key stuff starts kind of, by way of osmosis making its way into the family. Right? So now, you're being invited, your parents are telling you that we're gonna have the celebration. And it's the celebration that's associated with a Hindu god, or something. But we're gonna hope we're gonna invite we're gonna hold it, it's gonna be a lot of fun. We're all going to, you know, partake in it, or whatever. And you're like, wait, we don't, we're Muslim. Yeah, but we have to be kind to our neighbors.

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You have to you have to understand we've been doing this for, you know, and this is a show of, you know, mutual harmony and love. Well, no, we can be harmonious to our neighbors by being kind to them, by sharing our food with them by checking on them if they're sick. But I'm pretty sure I don't have to go to a temple to show that I'm kind to my neighbor, or to engage in a you know, a pagan celebration or a celebration of their religion.

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To make them feel like I care about them, actually, I wouldn't think that just because they came to the masjid and prayed with me that now they're a good person. Now I'm not threatened by them. That wouldn't be the case. Right? So why do I feel like I have to give up part of my religion and in engages some of their religious practices to feel like now I'm, you know, I'm one with them, or we're just we have, we all have to get along. That's just how the world works. So it could be that the family wants you to engage in something like that.

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It could be that your parents are non Muslim.

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They're non Muslim, and they have had a celebration of religious celebration, you know, a visit to the church or whatever. And you know, Passover is coming, or Christmas break is coming, and the family gets together and they pray, they hold hands and they pray, and you became Muslim. And now they're saying, hey, you're not coming for the Christmas dinner? No, I can. I can come for the dinner because it's family. It's there's no family, but I'm not gonna hold hands and do the prayer. I won't do that. Because I'm Muslim now. Oh, you're also you're not one of us anymore. No, not when it comes to religion. No, I'm still the same blood. I still love you. But you can be offended that I

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Muslim now. But I won't take part in that. And you know what that could do? That's not something that your family says, okay, we understand you're Muslim now. Okay, so you don't want to? Oh, of course, of course.

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Don't nobody does that. They will fight you tooth and nail, they will do jihad against you. We're in Java DACA. We're in Java DACA. And then the other and another place in called on is Lee to Sheikha, here's Allah

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and Allah and to show you guys the kind of Estela suggesting that this becomes a mission for the parents, we have to make sure that our family does things the way we've always done them. I don't want my kids veering off and going into different directions. So they will make this about loyalty to the family. They'll make this about you, you better show respect, they'll make this about respect, loyalty. This will make this they'll make this about how this is what you're a disappointment. If you don't do this, they'll make this about hurting their feelings. You're hurting my feelings if you do this. In fact, it can even be Muslim families. And I know of cases like that.

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And there's not one or two of them. There's hundreds and 1000s if not millions of them. Well, when the parents find out that the young man is starting to pray five prayers a day that they lose it. They lose their mind. Why are you becoming so extreme? I'm so worried about you. What do you you're studying what

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I found I found Quran in your room. Why do you have any room? Do you realize what that looks like? Do you know who your who your father is? Do you know who our business partners are? You know what's gonna happen knows if they find out. You want to humiliate us in front of everyone? Oh, and then we're gonna go to this party, right? We're gonna go it's just a, it's a Christmas party. It's a New Year's party. And there's going to be drinking and there's going to be partying, and there's going to be you know, whatever else, right? You guys know, we all we all live in the real world. And now the family's going. And the doctor says no, I'm not going.

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I can't go to that. I'm not partying, I'm not taking part in an environment like that.

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I was just having fun. It's just families getting together.

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Well, you don't want to be part of the family.

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Oh, you're better than all of us. Right? You're better than Okay. Okay. Okay. Your your the, oh, you know, excuse me, everyone. The Holy saint is here. Therefore, we can't have a family gathering anymore.

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It's not even about your parents are Christian or Jewish or Hindu or whatever. Sometimes your parents are Muslim. What is what is a what a Pakistani weddings look like? What are planning weddings look like? What am relations weddings look like? You know what, they don't look very different from a Hindu wedding. That's just the fact

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that this is the truth. And a lot of what we do is a defiance of a lot less rules. And a lot of times even if the son or the daughter doesn't want to pay take part in that. The parents say, Oh, this is what your Islam teaches you to hurt your mother. Because if you don't come

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How am I gonna show my face?

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And then she's crying your face and you're like, I can't hurt my mother like this. I got it. And then your father says, This is what you do to your mother. This is why we pay our college tuition. Give me the keys to the car. And so there's this, you You better take part you know, and you better align yourself with disobedience to him. By the way, disobedience to Allah open disobedience to Allah and celebrating disobedience to Allah is a kind of shift.

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Why? How can I teach how is how can you compare openly and celebrating the disobedience to Allah to the same as worshipping idols? Why out how in the world What does shift mean? shift

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Means you put someone equal to Allah yes or no.

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When Allah has authority, Allah has authority. Allah says, do this and don't do this. But I come along and say, but my culture and my family and my social expectations. They say that your do's and don'ts come second, ours come higher. Have you now put a culture of over lines rules?

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Is it not checking the authority of Allah?

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How's it not sure.

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If a lion supreme is the only supreme when you do such that, or is he also supreme when he says this is right? And this is wrong? And you come along and say, No, no, no, I have a different right and wrong than yours. And mine is higher than yours. Yours only on Friday.

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The rest of the time is mine. Yours the rest of the time, but this one weekend, yours can be can take the backseat.

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For this weekend, you are not the ultimate authority. My family is I am.

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You know, because we got to do what we got to do. And then what are the common sorry, hang and after that you can back babe, you know, Ramadan is coming soon. So we'll make it up. We'll make it up.

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This is also a kind of shift, shake in the authority of Allah. And sometimes family will struggle against you by giving the example of parents because Allah says, You should be better to no one like you are to your parents, right. And by giving that example, Allah has done something amazing. Elijah told us that there are people we have to be good to, and the best of them are our parents. But all the people in your life that you have to be good to view can make them extremely mad when it comes to obeying a law. And it comes to refusing to do shake with a law. And when they say no, no, no, a man understands. Allah knows it's just a family. Allah knows it's harmless. Really. Allah knows.

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Show me where. Because I think it's wrong because of this is the knowledge I have. And that's why I think it's wrong. Our messenger sallallahu Sallam who I love more than my whole life, said this.

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My alarm said this, can you please tell me where you get the knowledge that what you're saying is right. I want to know

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if you can, if you can show me that. I'll do it. I'll do it. Because I'll follow the truth.

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I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I'm not trying to be rebellious. I'm just trying to respectfully say, what you're gonna do. If you ask my advice, I wouldn't pay pardon, but I won't take part in it.

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But they will fight you're not fighting them. You're not fighting them. This is actually an important part of the discussion. Sometimes people feel when they turn towards Islam, they have to fight everybody in their family. The Quran teaches a different picture. But answers when you turn towards Islam, you won't have to pick a fight, they'll pick a fight with you. They'll come at you because you're not being like them anymore. So they're coming at you and they're doing jihad against you. When jahad aka Allah to Shakopee militia here in Palo Alto, then don't obey either of them.

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Don't. Now when you say I won't obey Well, when you when somebody tells you to do *, you say, I believe in Allah, I will not come and check it. No, no, no, no, no Hold on. If an enemy of Islam kotagiri called you to commit should, you will take a tough stance. Right? But if your parents are asking you to obey Allah, you will not take a tough stance. You will hold your ground. You all have in them. You want to be done. But you will never talk to them angrily you will never raise your voice. You will never, you know be aggressive. You will never say this is the Huck and you people are doing *. And you won't talk like that. That's not part of the equation. The injunction the

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command from allies what don't obey them.

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It's not, don't obey them and put them in their place. don't obey them and give them a good old lecture. don't obey them and remind them how ignorant they are. None of that. None of that. don't obey them and defend yourself. No, none of that. Just don't obey them.

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And then why after the innovator, look at what he did right after that. Well saw Hippo Moffitt dunia Naropa, and give both of them company in this life

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in a way that is dignified.

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Whoa, they're doing jihad against you. They're cussing you out. They're, they're yelling at you. They're making fun of you. They are constantly attacking you, emotionally hurting you, etc, etc. All of that because you took a stance.

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And Allah says yes. And you took that stance for me. And I know they're fighting against you. And while they're fighting against you, you will still give them company and be good to them.

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While they're, while they're doing that, you will do that in a way that is recognized by by by meaning you everybody knows what our parents did for us, whether we see the world the same way as them or not.

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And you will give them company in a dignified way. You'll take care of them.

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I say we don't let anybody abused us. We don't. That's not our religion. But there is something pretty remarkable in our religion that we develop

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Have a toughness and we still do right by people who don't do right by us

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who don't do right by we still do right by them. We still give them the rights. We still give them the respect well saw him look at the wording. You know, in modern Arabic we said Tommy Bahama into interact with them in a in a good way. Allah didn't say that Allah saw him. Give them company, both of them.

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Give them company, you know how you how hard it is to give your father or your mother company when they're out when you're when they're on your case.

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Know how hard that is. You know how good the door looks?

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You know how good the red button to hang up the phone looks? when they're on your case. And in that moment, the ayah comes to life. Give them company in a way that is dignified. You remain dignified. You change the subject. You stay decent. You say something like mom, I love you. Haha, no you don't you just want me to die, don't you? That's why you're doing this to me. You enjoy torturing me. No, mom. Actually, I don't I really do love you don't. I don't want you to kind of love You know what? I don't even want it.

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Okay, but I still love you. Stop saying that. You don't mean it? It's just empty words. No, ma'am. I actually do mean it.

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Can I come over? Yeah, for what? So you can just hurt me some more? No, I'll never hurt you. But I can I'm still coming over. Okay. Don't come over. I'm still coming over. Okay, love you, mom. See you soon. Stay tough.

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You keep your cool. Let them take whatever jobs they can. Because they will heat these jobs aka so it's not gonna be easy. It's a battlefield.

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They are gonna throw stuff at you. and by extension, it's not just about parents, because we have to be the best to them. It could be other people to throwing, hurling insults at you attack after attack at you. And you're like, You know what? I don't have to deal with this. I'm not talking to you. I'm done with you.

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Don't I'm blocking your number. I'm not going over anymore.

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I don't even want to see your face. My dad. He made me so mad. I don't even want to talk to him. I don't want to see him anymore. Yeah, okay.

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Then explain what you did with this ayah to allow when you come in front of him.

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Sakuma for dunya, Nava,

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that Allah say give your parents good company. Take care of them, be kind to them. Did he say those things in case they are good to you?

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In case they want you to live as a good Muslim. Or even if they're asking you the worst thing you can do in your life a shift, isn't it. And therefore they're trying to force you to do *. He says don't fall into what they're doing. Stand Your Ground. Don't let them abuse you into doing something wrong. But then put up with their attitude.

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put up with it and deal with them in a decent way. So I have homophone Yamaha.

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So,

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so heavy, but you know, what, if you don't find strength, because you know, parents are supposed to be our comfort, they're supposed to be our strength. And if somebody is being tested, with difficult parents, and where they're supposed to find the strength to be able to do that, because human beings need strength, they need support.

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And this is the opposite of support. So what is the law saying the same idea what sebelum Annabella Yeah, follow the path of the one that has turned back towards me.

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Now, the first one that's turned back towards him, is a lot less messenger himself. So he's gonna stick with the love of my messenger and a loyalty to my messenger. So a lot more on USANA. But a level put people in your life, who follow a left foot to follow those who've turned back to Allah. Allah will put people in your life who have turned back to Allah

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and you cling to their company.

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You hold on, they become your strength, you become their strength.

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But what appears to be done

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and what the most remarkable part of this IRA is, is at the end of it a

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summary of the human genome, then all of you will be brought back to me to all of you your place your final returning place is only in front of me. towards me, who's only talking to see the the I began jaha dakka dakka in Arabic is anti it's just one person you

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but at the end for Manila, yamashiro Khun comas until it's all of you. So the ayah started with one person telling one person if you parents are struggling against you one person, but at the end of the day, it says all of you have to come back to me. You know what he's saying? The children and the parents you'll always standing in front of me. And the parents will be answerable for why they were telling their kids to do shake, and the children will be answerable for why they abandoned their parents. When Allah said keep them company. You'll only have to answer for everything. No one will get away with anything because all of you are in my court.

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Somebody in a logical thought wouldn't be gone as the scariest part of this ayah. Okay, returning to allow answering for ourselves. That's one thing. We never beat who comb the continent, I'm alone, then I am going to inform you in great detail. I will inform you of the things that you used to do, or each of you,

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I will keep complete record and tell you, this is what you did, then you did this, then you did this, and you knew this was wrong, and you did it anyway. And you knew better and you heard better. And your son said this in response, and you didn't care. And your father said this and you didn't care. And we did. Everything will be brought out. But we'll never be Oh can be my quantum tomorrow.

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So it started with our relationship with our family. And it ended with where we're going to stand in front of Allah. And he'll tell us this what you did to each other

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as what you did to each other. We think of judgment day as a day in which a level tell us what we did wrong with him. We didn't pray we didn't worship and we did know one section of judgment days. You said this to him. He said this to you. You said this to her? She said this to you? Why Why? Why? Answer me Why? He will there's an entire, you know, sometimes when you have a family conflict, then you say we need to talk to somebody. Right? You get let's get grandpa involved. I've got somebody on the outside involved, that's got a counselor involved. And then one side says their story. And the other side says, No, that's not what happened. That's not what happened. That's not what you said.

00:31:27--> 00:31:28

That's not how you said it.

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You said a totally different Oh, you're forgetting most important part. Everybody's got their own version. And when one person is telling their version, the other person's Like, seriously.

00:31:39--> 00:31:55

I can't wait to my turn comes because they are totally. That's so such a liar. Liar. And then when their turn comes out to give their version and never says no, no. And everybody's got their own version and their own alternative reality, right?

00:31:57--> 00:32:06

Instead of a lesson now you tell me what happened. Now you tell me what happened. Now you tell me what happened? Unless there's no, no, I'm gonna tell you what happened, then I'll tell you what happened, then I'll tell you what happened.

00:32:08--> 00:32:11

So nobody gets to say, um, you weren't overweight, you were there. Yeah.

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I was witness to all of it more witness than and unless saw the words that came out of our mouth. And unless all where they were coming from, from our hearts, and he will tell us where our heart was and where our tongue was. He'll tell us all of it. Hell, we'll put all of it in front of us. So this is actually the complete picture of Yeah, there will be sometimes challenging relationships, and our families, what's the stance, the what's the principle that we have to hold on to, we have to remember, we're going to stand in front of Allah, which means we can't bend to make someone happy. We can't bend those rules. At the same time, that's half, that's half the message of desire. What's

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the other half, two sides of the same coin. One side is we will not bend to make parents happy or to anybody, or children happy anybody happy. We have to submit only to Allah. On the other side, doesn't matter how much we submit to our our club. That doesn't mean we don't have to be the best we can be to those that we love. Even if they're not if even if they're calling us towards injustice, we will listen to them, we'll still be good to them. We still have to be the best we can be to them. Both of those things have to be balanced. And both of those things will be asked about on Judgement Day. And as always, and make us of those that are successful in our responses before a lot of

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Judgment Day and overlook our shortcomings may allow them to heal hurting hearts and bring families together and give children and their parents the ability to move on from past mistakes and to find new beginnings. barakallahu li Welcome to call him when a fight anyway. I mean it was him.

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hamdulillahi waka salatu salam O Allah to him Medina Safa Susana Ali Mohammad Nabi Muhammad Ali a Meanwhile, early he was a big money

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in the la vida

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de

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la casa de Matos Lima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed colossal Allah tala.

00:34:13--> 00:34:24

g Majid nomadic Allah Muhammad Ali Mohamed Omar Abdullah Ibrahim Ibrahim al amin in the Gambia Majid regatta la la de la ilaha illa.

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Allah, Allah, Allah,

00:34:30--> 00:34:33

Allah in the Sonata can be Nikita makuta

00:34:51--> 00:34:54

we have Atlanta Aprilia, the owner