Nouman Ali Khan – Attachment to Celebrities Q&A

Nouman Ali Khan
AI: Summary © The speaker describes their emotional connection to celebrities and how people are the most impacted by their words. They also talk about the impact of words on behavior and express their personal struggles with feelings and relationships.
AI: Transcript ©
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They gave me 1000 hours, but I'm able to give them 30 seconds. And then I say something like, I really need to get going. Would that be okay? No, no go I go, I quit. But deep in their heart, they got really hurt. I gave this person so much of my time. And they couldn't even give me 30 seconds. It could. Yeah, and some people send very distraught messages to me. Is it true that you said this? Is it? Yep. Are they good?

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Sup, guys,

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so, boys, what's your names? Are they? Yes, brothers. Right. Yeah. Well, let's have a chat a little bit. I think you had a question in mind. Yeah. So what do you think of I guess celebrity culture nowadays and people thinking that they're really attached to celebrities when the reality is the relationship isn't really reciprocated?

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Yeah, I wouldn't know I'm not well yeah.

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I think it's it's a very common phenomenon where people's you know, they connect to famous person, especially nowadays it's easy to become a celebrity to arrange stuff. You don't have to go through a TV station or take find a venue sir. You can just get grabbed you can do on your phone and try and become a celebrity.

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That's the role so and then if people are consuming your work and they're moved by what you're doing or what you're saying, and they feel you know connected to you especially in our case, it's regarding Islam right in my case, it's I'm talking about Allah's Deen. And of course, we have a natural attachment Tala zine, and now it becomes well, this person helped me connect with the Quran. So now I have an emotional connection to indices me. Yeah, right. But the reality of it is I, I don't know you. And I theoretically care about you because you're a member of the OMA, but I know nothing about you or as an individual individual. And I also have limited fuel in the tank, like,

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emotionally, I have space that's taken up by my kids, by my wife, by my parents, by my family, by my siblings, by my friends by for myself, there's human beings only have so much emotional space in their life right? Now, the person on the other end, listened to me for 1000 hours. So they've given me a lot of their life. Right? They're really invested in me.

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And some part of them feels like this person really cares about them, because I got so much from them. That must mean subconscious, conscious or subconscious, they must have some kind of real concern for me. Yeah. So then what happens? I'll tell you what happens in real life. I'll run into somebody who's, you know, listened to me for God knows how long or god knows what impact something I said had on their life. Allah use some of my words, to make them make a decision about their life that completely changed their life. Yeah, I had no actual part in that. I just explained what I what I understand of Allah's book. But the impact comes from what Allah puts in somebody's heart, right?

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So my words were used as a vessel to do that, but had no deliberate intention on my part. This person sees me they start bawling in tears. Or I'm just walking down the street about to go eat a burger. And person sees me and they're just crying. Yeah. And they just come without warning. Just come and just give me a hug. Right. And that's happened more than once. Right? And in that moment, they're thinking, what, what, what emotional response were they expecting from me? I know, I know. I was there with you the whole time. But I wasn't. I wasn't there. Any of the time. I was sleeping when you were watching me listening across the

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bar. I was, yeah, eating another burger somewhere else? Or something? You know? Yeah. Of course, I have sympathy. And I have respect for that emotion. And I'm actually humbled that Allah made my words so impactful by his decision that this person so moved by them, but at the same time, I'm feeling I actually didn't have anything to do with that. I mean, I'm really glad you're hugging me right now. But yeah, that wasn't actually my doing that was Allah is doing but I this is not the time for me to correct and this is the time for me to give them at least some reciprocate. Some of that maybe have been back salaam how are you? What's your name? Some little bit, right. But I also

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have to move on. Yeah. So it's almost like a contrast and like conflict of emotions, right? And then like, they gave me 1000 hours, but I'm able to give them 30 seconds. And then I say something like, I really need to get going. Would that be okay?

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But deep in their heart, they got really hurt. I gave this person so much of my time, and they couldn't even give me

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30 seconds write

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that feeling. Now imagine that feeling if there are a million people who

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expect that from you time, times 30 seconds by a million. Right? And if I gave them two minutes, would that be enough? It wouldn't if I give them an hour each, would that be enough? Maybe? Yeah. Right? And then can I have your phone number, I need to talk to you about something personally, I need to do because I was so personal to you. Then in your head, like expectation expectation, hey, you should be giving me personal attention to which is practically impossible, right. But this will happens in person. But this also happens online. People reaching out emailing, you know, direct messages and things like that. And they're, like, emotionally invested in this person expecting that

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back. And when they don't get that back, I can't believe you're like this. I can't believe you're not, you know, you don't care about, you know, and this is actually a really unhealthy

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tendency. Yeah, I think there are people that I've learned from that I'm very moved by that really shaped the course of my life, and I've met them.

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And I know, I didn't have the tendency to want to hug them and cry and all of that, because I knew something. I was aware that they're not aware of me, even though I'm aware of them. Right. So I need to have them in mind when I interact with them. Not just myself. Yes. Almost like considering the other person, right? Beyond just, oh, here's what happened in my life, almost say or this is this is part of what I consider. With all due respect to such people main character syndrome, the world revolves around what you feel, what you think, what you need, and now the other person needs to cater to you and your needs. And I know you're really busy, but I have something to discuss with you

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about my personal. Yeah, but I'm not a counselor. Yeah, but I know, I know. But you I still need to talk this out with you. Nobody else will understand. Now, that's also another false

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flag, right? Nobody, nobody else will understand. No one in your life. No human being other than this person you look up on YouTube will understand this is entirely wrongs. But this this comes from, you know, people go through many different difficulties in their life. And they may find that the closest people around them are not very kind, right? And then they hear my voice. And then they maybe they feel that there's a kindness here, right? I even met a young lady one time, when I was traveling one of the countries she's like, I never loved my dad, because he was so harsh. I always I always pretend to you're my dad.

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Right? And I was so moved by what she said. But I was also so sad by what she said, because there is that, you know, this is called a parasocial relationship has nothing to do with parachutes. But it's when you start projecting a connection to a person without them without actually them having a you. Right. And it's something you should I think young people especially should be aware of, but it's not just young people, in my experience has been older folks to be aware of that. And some people try to go out of their way to go the opposite way. Yeah. Like, they'll come up to me out of nowhere and say, Hey, listen to lobbies. I don't want to picture anything. Okay. I'm not a celebrity worship

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rose. I didn't say you are. Yeah. Oh, just walk into my burger. Yeah. Like,

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they just feel the need to just make sure that they don't have this problem, which is also a problem. I'm just somebody that said some things that maybe you agree with, maybe you don't agree with. And that's about the end of it. I can appreciate what good you've done or any of that. And that's the extent of it. Right? Yeah. So those are my thoughts about these relationships. But I do think it's, it's the world is heading in a very unhealthy direction people make these connections, not just with me with others also. And then the problem with this being mixed with Islam is that like,

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now you're emotionally connected to this person. And big through this person. Close your relationship to Islam itself. Yeah. So you've become almost like a medium. Yeah, for somebody else's Islam, which is a huge problem, because that means if your feelings towards me ever change, yeah, for any reason, then the dangerously your relationship with Islam is going to change because it was all pegged on me. Yeah, like, let's say somebody releases or not one car unexposed, really, I suppose.

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The giant reputation.

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Then all of a sudden, there's a we're laughing but obviously that that could cause a big problem for them, isn't it? It could Yeah. And some people send very distraught messages to me. Is it true that you said this? Is it? Yep. Are they and

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how could you

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come down? Okay. Yeah.

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It's not the end of the world.

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Look in real life, you boys are fairly young. How old? Are you guys? 19? So, okay, so you're fairly even in your family, your mom, your dad, your you know, other siblings? Anybody, uncles? Is there anybody in your life you agree with 100% of the time?

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Not really.

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This guy all the time, I don't even agree with him all the time. All your brothers are supposed to disagree.

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It's impossible to agree with someone all the time. Yeah, that's impossible. And even within Islam, the idea that we're supposed to agree with all within Islam over all things, is, first of all, didn't even happen among the sahaba. Second of all, is practically impossible. So and I'm not saying every disagreement is legitimate. What I'm saying is disagreement, a reality of life, and not a crisis. It's not a crisis. It's a reality of life. Right? Yeah. And once you come to terms with that, then finding somebody who passionately disagrees with me on something or the other.

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Okay, they disagrees. It's about knowing their manager more than I would even invite someone to say, Hey, I like what no one says here, here. Here. I really dislike what he says here, here here. And I don't you know, I don't agree with him on these these things. Because knowing one of one of my philosophies in life and what I want, I think a lot of especially you guys, I want you to take this with you in life, I think it will really help you is your loyalty should be to your acceptance, or rejection of something should be to ideas that people like, you're not Yeah, oh, this person is good. And this person is bad. Or this person is acceptable. And this person is unacceptable. No, no,

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no, no. This person's the following ideas of this person resonate with me, and here's why. Yeah, the following ideas of the same person I cannot find myself agreeing with and here's why. But my disagreement doesn't dismiss the rest of it. The rest of this person, just like the person itself, rather. Yeah, yeah. Your disagreements with each other don't dismiss the entire relationship. Yeah. A disagreement between a husband and a wife doesn't dismantle the marriage. It's on one issue. They're not in agreement. Yeah. You know, so, you know, that's this is kind of a very, over exaggerated, like, super hyperbolized. So almost like the innate polarization online has almost

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driven this all apart. Yeah. Yeah. It's all or nothing, right? Yeah. And in the case of Muslims, I've been talking about it like, either you're a saint or you're a devil. Yeah, like so. The fact that you're human is off the table. You can only be a saint or a devil. You know? Yeah.

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