About Our Parents
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
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Episode Transcript ©
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Alhamdulillah Allah the nakoda who want to stand in who want to stop Pharaoh? When he when? Ronnie when Allah human truly and fusina woman sejati Molina
de la who follow mobile Allah woman your fellow howdy Allah, when a Chateau de la ilaha illallah wa the hula Shankara when a shadow Anna Muhammad Abdullah he was solo Allahu Allahu taala. Buddha would even Huck Leo Hara hora de Nicola de Vaca fabula he shahida for Salalah alayhi wa seldom at the Sleeman kathira Mattila I'm about in nostoc on hijiki de la hadal howdy howdy Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam were in a short run moody Masato heartway Nicola,
Nicola, Allah, Allah Allah, Allah Allah.
Allah azza wa jal Chiquita Gideon bandana hula arrows we let him initiate honor regime what sinal insanity well today he homiletical Mohan another one of his lot of houfy I mean initially when he when he declared alienvault see, we're in Jaya Haddock Allah and to see cabbie Malaysia licchavi Fela tota Houma Masahiko Murphy dounia moroka A tabula sebelum annaba Ilya from La yamashiro come from
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I am hoping to continue the series of hobas I'm giving on the passage that is dedicated to this unique individual Lockman will be a lot more on who. And in the last two years, I've talked about the first couple of ions of this passage, the iron which Allah had given him wisdom and the eye in which the first time he gave advice to his son is mentioned, you know, yada yada to stick with
him. And there are other ions, like I mentioned last time in which he gives his son advice. And those are some really beautiful pieces of advice. But before Allah teaches us, those pieces of advice, Allah chose to stop telling us about his advice, and decided to give us advice directly. So now Allah is now speaking to us directly. And it's interesting that when you give somebody advice in Arabic, you can say the word mother in law, which is counsel or advice. And you can say, Don't cry, don't cry is also very strong advice, or very heartfelt advice I actually don't see as related to the word we'll see ya, and we'll see is a will, that you leave behind. And we'll see, as you know,
when somebody's dying, they say parting words, like as they die, and they give some advice. And someone when you love somebody, and this is the last thing they said to you. Or the last trick, promise me something, or when they say something like that, that stays in your in your heart forever, though ci is actually that kind of an advice that stays in your heart. So that's the word that I use for himself. So no one was giving us an advice. And he said, Well, yeah, who he was giving him counsel or counsel that he can feel, but even a stronger word for counsel is still see I never use that for himself, when now what he's telling us. So he says, well, let's say in in Santa
bydd, he, we gave the human being very strong counsel when it comes to both of his parents. So now Ally's saying that Allah has always given counsel to us, from the very beginning, this is not something that came into Koran, and didn't exist before. In fact, allies, you know, essentially teaching us that this has been something from the very beginning one of the earliest teachings, if not one of the fundamental teachings of, of Islam, from the earliest times, just like the fact that Allah is one is that you have, there's counsel that Allah gave, and strong advice that Allah gave about the rights of the mother and the father. So it's, they're related to each other. Now, before I
go further, why is it that Allah mentions, Look, man just told his son don't do shake with Allah? Right? So the the Father, the parent told the child, give Allah his rights, right? Give Allah his rights. And then Allah turns to the child and says, Give your parents their rights. You see what just happened? So Allah stood up, the parents stood up for Allah, and Allah stands up for the parents. Right? And that's a very powerful thing. Because what we're learning from that is sometimes when you stand for Allah, when you do what a lot, you know, when you want to encode inculcating, somebody allows rights, then maybe Allah will make sure that your rights are given, then Allah will
be the one to defend you. You won't have to fight for your rights, Allah will do that for you. And so it's beautiful that there's a switch that happens in these I had, where first you look one was just making sure that his son does right by Allah. And in the immediate next IOD. Allah says, I want it to me I've always wanted to make sure that human beings do right by their parents.
We'll say no incentive bydd. So that's a really beautiful, you know, correspondence between these two ions. But something else that's really important to note here is the word enzyme. You know, scholars argue that the word insulin comes from two origins. One of them has to do with this young forgetfulness. So unlike uses the word insaan, maybe highlighting, or giving advice that, you know, I'm calling you a human being here, because you tend to forget some things. So when Allah uses that word, maybe he's hinting at the fact that this is the kind of advice that's easily forgotten. And you need and when something's easily forgotten, it needs to be repeated over and over again, right.
So sometimes, people hear well, I already heard this, I already know what Islam says about parents or whatever, like, they don't want to hear it. But by calling them Allah insaan by calling us an entirely in desire, it's as if Allah is letting us know you have a tendency to forget or overlook. And human beings don't just forget, as in their they forgot from their memory, they also forget from their heart. Now, what's the difference between forgetting from your memory and forgetting from your heart, forgetting from your memories, I can't remember this person's name. Right? Or I can't remember where I put the keys that's forgetting from your memory. Forgetting from your heart is when
you knew you were supposed to do something. Like I know, I'm supposed to be more patient. Everybody knows that. But then when you got angry at that time, your heart forgot about that. Even though if somebody asked you at the time, hey, do you know anything about patience? Yeah, you're supposed to be patient. You're not supposed to raise your voice. I know these things you didn't forget. Your mind didn't forget, but your heart forgot, right? So this ayah can be looked at also as advice that the mind can easily remember, but the heart can easily forget. So Allah gave this counsel so our hearts can remember. And that's the word DOS, he also has this idea that something your heart will
remember forever, just like that parting advice when somebody is dying that I was talking about, right? So he says, For both his parents, there is this strong counsel that login, then there's the idea of the word valid, as opposed to other way. And there's some really interesting conversations about these two words, because they're both Arabic words for parents. But while it actually has our validation actually has to do with the biological parents. And sometimes what happens is biological parents aren't doing their job. Let's just put it simply, sometimes biological parents, parents that gave birth to a child ended up not being a good mom, or not being a good dad, maybe they were
negligent. Maybe they were abusive. Maybe they taught the wrong things. Maybe they forced children into the wrong things. In fact, the Quran is full of so many prophets, stories, whose elders or the elders of society or the parents of the society, were actually calling for the wrong thing, right? So that can happen. And you you can be in a family where even your biological parents are asking you to do the wrong thing. And so it might you might feel like, well, if I had good parents, I would have been good to them. But since I don't have good parents, then they're not about waiting. They're just validating, so I don't have to take advice is I have an exception, actually, no, Elizabeth
vices universal, even though Allah, Allah knows, and Allah teaches us that there are different situations, right? But when it comes to when someone does wrong to me, let's just give a worst case scenario. Somebody in a in a in a family, and their father's terrible, he beats the child, he abuses the child, he doesn't give them you know, didn't have food to eat they their captain miserable, or whatever it may be right? Or they're completely unfair, and they humiliate them and degrade them and all that stuff. Right. So they're the worst possible imaginable father, or worst possible imaginable mother?
What is what does Islam say about that? Islam doesn't say, well, they can be a monster, but you should still be good to them. That's not what it was. religion says. What a lot Well, unless Dean is telling us is, if they do, every human being has a right to defend themselves, and the right to defend their own dignity, they have that right, this the right to seek protection, even they do. But if like once they become old, that bad parent to you became old. And they have a heart condition, or they later on said that I'm sorry, or whatever else, right? And they want to come back and they want to connect with you. You may not be able to do that, because every time you see their face, you
remember all the terrible things they did. Right? You may not be able to overcome that. And even in that case, LS still gives us gives us advice and what's the advice? Yes, son, and in other places in the heart, we do the best you can
do the best that you can. It's really beautiful words, a legend put one standard for every situation. So if you have a terrible situation, what's the best that you can do? The best that I can do is I can still I'm not going to be hurtful towards them. I won't cause them any harm, but being around them is harmful for me. Or my religion, or my emotional state or my my well being or even my own children. So I'm going to keep a safe distance but I'll still do whatever I can for them from a
distance as I would for anybody in need. That's the best I can do. Sometimes that's the best a person can do, they can do anymore. Ibrahim Ali Salam was being kicked out of his house, right.
And I'm pretty sure Ibraheem alehissalaam understands you have to be the best to your parents more than anybody. But he's being kicked out of his house, and he doesn't have a choice, he leaves and you don't find him coming back, because he knows he's, there's no room for that anymore. He understands that there are those circumstances in our lives book too. So it's unfair for us, first of all, to paint a picture that's black and white, you have to be the same way, the best you can be to all your parents no matter what. But now let's turn to the other side. shaitaan is very smart. She does not dumb, he's extremely smart. So when I say that to somebody, when I say these things,
then there are people who have good parents, people that took their parents did everything they can for them. But you know what, even if I did everything I can for my child, there will still be something that my child will say you didn't do this for me. There'll be a feeling. You didn't do this for me, or you didn't do because, you know, obviously parents school, their children, discipline their children, sometimes parents don't give their children what they want, right? parents go against the will of the children sometimes. And as they grew up, there could be you did all this stuff for me. But there's one thing I wanted you didn't do, or that one time you yelled at
me or whatever, right. So they what they do is they hold on to one or two incidents. And they use that to justify that my parents are actually the kind of monsters that are being talked about. And therefore that's the best I can do. I don't call them I ignored them, I blocked their phone number, I changed my address and didn't tell them where I live, etc, etc, etc. that shed on justifying you to yourself.
And Allah knows, Allah knows. You know, when Rob buco and movie Murphy new fusi come is an idea that came right after talking about parents. He said, Alan knows better what you have inside yourselves. If you're, if you're making up a story to justify your mistreatment, to justify your ministry, Allah knows that. And if you're being honest with yourself, Allah knows that by now who currently are webinar lafora for people who keep coming back to a lighter honest with a line themselves, those are the people that will be forgiving to In other words, if you want to play that game, a lot will not be forgiving. Allah will not be forgiving. So now coming to this ayah he says we gave the human
being advice regarding both his parents, her mother to number one, another one was risala houfy. I mean, his mother carried him one burden after another. His mother carried him burden after another, well, facade houfy I mean, and feeding him over a course of up to two years. So let's start talking about the mom. Right. But it's really cool that this passage didn't begin with a mom, it began with a dad, it was no one talking to his son, right? And all of a sudden, Allah says, Allah gave advice to both parent about both parents. And I started talking about the mom and what she does. So it's really interesting contrast and what is what so pay attention to what did Allah say about the mom?
And what did Allah say about the dad before that? The dad's great gift to the child was that the dad was a source of advice.
That that was a source of truth. The dad was a source of counsel. So the dad found the right time to put his arms around his son or his daughter, and then give them advice that will help them in their life to guide them. That was that's the, that's the main contribution of the Father.
But the main contribution of the mother even though the mother will also give advice, the mother will also give guidance, the mother will also give nurturing, but the mother did something that she did in before you and I can't even remember, she did something so huge, that we won't even remember it. And we're gonna turn 40 5060 years old and will have no idea what she did. So Allah chose to remind us what the mom does, that we can't possibly remember.
We can possibly remember and you know what, let's take a step back. Allah typically, Allah says in Colorado you Allah mukamal amta kutamo he teaches you what you couldn't know yourselves. He teaches you what you couldn't know yourselves. Well, the thing is, when we think of our dads, we think of the things they buy for us. We think of the trips they took us on we think of, you know, the requests we make of them, the food they take us out to eat. Dads do stuff for us in typical situations, right. So when we think of the good things that Dad Dad paid for my college tuition that got me my first car, that that this, that this, that this right. Those are the things we can
remember from father.
The thing we overlook is when dad was telling me to pray,
right, because that was annoying.
Or when dad said, Hey, stop doing that and go
Read some Koran, or commission, let me just tell you, you shouldn't talk like that you should be more respectful.
When dad was giving when dad was being an advisor, you weren't appreciating that when dad was taking you on a trip, that was great when I was giving you some money, so you can buy yourself some whatever, that was great.
When I bought you a video game, or a new console, or the PS five is come out or coming out, I don't know, can we get that done? That's awesome. But when dad sits you down and says, I need you to learn to be patient. I need you to learn to lower your voice. I need you to learn to walk differently. I noticed some things that on your phone, I want to talk to you about them. I noticed the way you're praying, you're becoming looser and looser with your prayers. When he has that kind of conversation. You're like, ah,
In other words, advice is annoying. The Father's role the father figures role. So you brought him out some of you could argue doesn't even have a father as a father figure. Right. And so whether it's a father or a father figure, they're the thing you should be most grateful for will not be the financial contributions
will actually not be the things that we you and I associated with what they did for us. It will be the thing, Ally's telling you you overlook. That's the thing you should be most grateful for. And what's that going to be the good advice that the Father gave
the counsel that the Father gave, that's the one we forget about? Looking back, when somebody thinks my father didn't do anything for me, well, if they if their life was filled with giving you good counsel, and that's the most priceless gift they gave you.
And then look at the example of Look, man, it's so amazing how comprehensive this passage is such few words, but it's covered from every angle. You know, when someone says Talk is cheap, right? How are you giving me advice? You don't follow it yourself? Right? Because somebody could say that right?
What What does Allah say about that man? He says, Allah gave him the wisdom that he to be grateful to Allah. Remember that? So he already lives a life of gratitude, and then he gives advice. What does that mean? That the child sees the advice and action.
The child doesn't just see, he's being told to pray and the father doesn't pray. He doesn't just see recite, vocalign the father doesn't reflect on the child doesn't just see don't use bad words. And the father uses bad words. He sees the gratitude in the father and then he sees the advice on top of that, that's the most that's the best gift a father can give their child.
But the best gift a mother can give their child has already been given.
Because mother carried him. A mother carried a child burden on top of burden. When she became pregnant, she was really happy. Then that happiness changed into throwing up. Then we changed it of all food tasting like paper, that it changed into backaches, stomach aches, all kinds of aches, temper tantrums, mood swings, crying for reasons like nobody can understand. Right? Not being able to sleep not being able to stay awake, not being able to stand not being able to sit, not being able to lie down lie this way. It hurts like that way it hurts.
Constant anxiety is the baby okay? Is everything okay? fears on top of fears. It's not just physical burdens. It's other weaknesses, emotional weaknesses, you know, other anxieties. What kind of child is this going to be? Is everything going to be okay?
And then as the mom gets more further and further into her trimesters into her pregnancy, then the physical toll starts getting heavier and heavier and heavier. It's like she's, you guys want to try and experiment you just take your your book bag, your backpack, and you put it on in front instead of your back and stuff it with textbooks and zip it up and don't take it off for a week. See how that feels. That was mom doing that for us? Right? She's whether she's not every five minutes, she's got to go to the bathroom again, because they're built bladders being squeezed by us. And as we're growing inside her belly, then we feel like stretching so we're kicking her from the inside.
You know, we're stretching and kicking and doing all kinds of stuff to her from the inside.
And we don't remember any of this. We were causing her daily pain. Daily is not even the word every moment was pain and discomfort. And we're doing that for and what is she doing? When someone in life when someone hurts you? You want to hurt them back? Or you want to at least get away from them.
Right? Someone's bothering you just want to get away from the the mom doesn't want to get away from you. You You heard her and she just threw up and all she's worried about is I hope the baby's okay.
She's not even worried about if she's okay. She's just worried if the baby's okay.
She's She's reciting Quran and she's hoping that the blessings of the Quran go and bless the child in some way.
He wants to be careful around table corners. Nobody cares for you like that ever do. Your mom does
But she already did. She even care about her own life. When time came to give birth, that's pretty much what you can call a near death experience. They bleed, bleed and then bleed and then bleed, and then nearly die their body, their bones, literally open up,
their bones open up for them to give birth to you and me. And if they're not able to do that, then Oh, the convenient one c section. Yeah, really cutting your gut open is a convenient thing.
And then they get stapled together, they get stapled in their belly. That's easy.
And they do that, and they almost die bleeding. And you know, in life, if somebody believes you, then you see them and you should be traumatized. That's the person who stabbed me.
That's the person who cut me. That's the person who nearly killed me. That's the person who tortured me 36 hours of labor, 20 hours of labor, 13 hours of labor. And after all that yelling, screaming excruciating pain, the baby comes out and the mom says, You know what you've done to me? No, she holds the baby. And the world stops existing because she's completely in love with this child.
completely in love with this child. And the child doesn't exactly come out and say thank you. The child starts complaining, I need more. I'm hungry.
You start out that way. And she feeds you and when she feeds you It hurts. And she's still not over her own physical pain from giving birth to you. And you become not less demanding you become more demanding and more demanding and more demanding. And it's not just feeding you. It's protecting you from the wind is protecting the fan is on too cold. The blankets not over or the blankets to high on. He can't breathe properly. She can breathe. Oh my god, constant checking on the baby constant checking. And she does all of this. And do I remember? No.
I have no memory of the nights where she was hurting and pain, holding back her tears because she doesn't want to wake me up. Her crying might wake me up. And she's rocking me to sleep. Her back is hurting, but she's still rocking me to sleep. She's doing that.
I don't remember though. I have no memory of this. It's gone. So what is the law decide to do? A law decides to remind me and remind you of something we couldn't possibly realize on our own. Our hearts can't feel it.
You know, we many parents celebrate birthdays. Right? And this is not a fatwa on whether or not you celebrate birthdays, I personally believe that there's nothing wrong with birthday so long as they're not doing something vile or is sort of like exceeding spending and things like that cultural celebrations are fine. If they have no element of *can them. I personally have no issue with them.
But you know when a child has birthdays being celebrated, you guys are so obsessed with cake. I want to present you didn't get me something. What are you getting anything right? A my purchase only four weeks, four weeks away. Now it's three weeks and six days away. Now it's three weeks and five days away. Now there's five hours and 47 seconds left. you're counting down on your birthday?
What is your mom remembering? What was your first birthday like it almost killed her.
That's the day she almost died. You realize that? If you want to remember the day you were born, the biggest gift is your existence that Allah azza wa jal major mom, a means to do. You didn't come out of the earth you came out of your mom. You came out of your mouth, mom.
And when she did that for you? Why the question arises the previous ayah was about a last rites don't do * with Allah. Right? Allah created us Yes or no? Yeah, Allah created us. But we don't see it when Allah created us, Masha, Allah to Allah, Allah, how can you see him? We didn't make them witness the creation of the skies in the earth. And we didn't make them watch when they were they being created themselves. Allah says you weren't there to watch how you were being created. Well, masakazu see him.
But you know what? Allah does remind us of something we all know happened. It's not in the mysterious unseen. It actually happened in our own personal history. We were created in the womb of our mothers and our because our mother's excruciating pain. And then we came out of our mothers and our mothers broke themselves carrying us.
And when we finally became capable of standing up just standing up,
then we gave our moms the exercises of their life, running up the stairs falling down the stairs, breaking glass, touching things we're not supposed to touch and they're their lives revolved around running behind us, one eye on whatever they're doing the other eye constantly on us. That
That's all they did do what their lives is they're running around us taking care of us. We invaded their lives completely took over. And then on top of everything a mom does, sometimes the mom loses it.
Like this baby is just you know, you put this, you feeding the baby. And it's like two, three years old, four years old, you're feeding the child now, I
smack the plate into the wall.
And the mom says, It's okay, it's okay. And she tries it again and smack the other wall.
And then eventually, mom's a stillbirth. And the baby starts crying. The kids and the mom feels guilty the whole night that I'm too cruel of a mother. Right? That's what she feels like. Now put yourself in that position. If somebody if you serve somebody food, and they smacked it out of your hands.
And then you started to be smacked out of your hands. And you even raise your voice once? Would you feel guilty? No, you wouldn't. But the mom has this soft corner for her child, that she feels like she's not doing enough. She beats herself up, up over it.
This is what our mothers did for us. And what a lie is telling us this is the point I elaborated this instead of talking about the rest of the ayah maybe next week, inshallah, but I elaborated this for one purpose. If a human being is incapable of feeling, not knowing, feeling, gratitude for what Bohm did,
then that's, then they are incapable of feeling gratitude for what Allah does.
But can't do it.
Because what a lie does is from the unseen, but what the mother does is not in the unseen it was in the scene.
You can't even believe in the scene. You can't your heart and can even feel gratitude for what was experienced. How can you feel gratitude for what hasn't even been seen? is Allah giving us blessings guidance, protected protection care in ways that we cannot see? Yeah. How are we expected to feel that to get a glimpse of that Allah says, just, this is why I gave you your mother. This is why I gave you your father. So you can develop an appreciation, if you can develop gratitude for them, then that gratitude will evolve into gratitude for me. This is why in this I also later on in this ayah was going to say initially, when you validate, be grateful to me and both your parents, you see
how amazing that is grateful to me, and both your parents, the action is one grateful. And the recipient of that action or two, one Allah to the parents, as if they're connected to each other, as if they're connected to each other. So those of us that do have parents that are alive, but those of us that have given a hard time to our parents, especially to our moms and even to our dads, the dad that gives us advice. The dad doesn't want anything back from us. Whenever he does something he doesn't for our own good when he yells at you for messing up in school is that because he gets something out of it, or he gains a victory, when he's when he's tough with you. He's tough with you,
because he wants you to do better in life and he doesn't want you failing, when he's stopping you from playing video games because he doesn't want you to have to miss prayers and get in the habit.
Even when he does things you don't like he's doing it for it because he loves you. And when your mom is tough on you, when your mom is disciplining you then in those moments, how easy is it for you to just snap back? Okay, my my heart enough.
You know what, you know what you're talking about?
Okay, I'm not five anymore, okay?
Really, you can talk like that, you know, Allah says about about himself, when he talks about human beings when
so Well, on Amazon. When
he starts giving, he starts talking about us, theoretically giving examples about us. And he forgot when he was made the way he was made. Well, that happens to parents too. We start started talking to our parents, and we forget where we came from. We forget what they did. We forget what they did. And we can never allow ourselves to forget what they did. That that's not something we can ever repay. That sentiment will make you do the best you can even when they're not good parents. You're not going to be able to do everything. Maybe you'll have to protect yourself but even within those limits, you will push yourself to do the very best you possibly can. That's the that's the sentiment
that Allah wants us to have. When this entire passage started. Allah gave look man wisdom and this is my concluding comments to you now a login look man wisdom to be grateful to Allah. And now we're learning how are you going to be grateful to Allah if you can't be grateful to your parents. So for us wisdom is going to be we're going to have to do a mental exercise on how we can show gratitude to our parents.
How can we do that? Without without sacrificing ourselves, Allah doesn't even want us to sacrifice ourselves for him. He doesn't even do that. He doesn't say thank me 24 seven, he doesn't say pray to me 50 7080 times a day, he doesn't do that. He put, he gave us guidance on how to be the best to him, right? The same way our parents have healthy rights, and we can show our gratitude to them, even though we'll never be done thanking them, we can show our gratitude to them. But that doesn't mean that you become a slave you won't be don't feel like you're gonna become a slave. We are actual slaves of a lion even a lot. Our Master gives us so much freedom. Right? Even he gives us so much
freedom. So you shouldn't feel that way. So inshallah hopefully we'll talk about some of the other remarkable teachings inside of these IOD and through them, I pray that you know, the parents that are listening, build a better relationship with their kids and the kids that are listening, build a healthier, more spiritually nurturing relationship with their parents barakallahu li walakum chorionic Hakim, when a family can be it would be great Aki
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