Responsibility before Marriage

Nadim Bashir


Channel: Nadim Bashir

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The difficulties of getting married for children are highlighted, including the importance of being prepared for the journey and giving guidance to parents. The speaker emphasizes the need for parents to set appropriate expectations and create a "married" idea, which is a commitment to love and marriage. The importance of helping children understand their rights and achieve their goals is emphasized, along with providing guidance to parents and setting a positive environment for them to live in. The speaker also discusses various topics, including finding suitable sisters, giving parents' rights, and providing background information on various topics.

Transcript ©

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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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All work

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is headed

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it's head

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is heavy

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Missoula Rahmani Raheem in Al Hamdulillah Muhammad who when I started you know who when I started fiddle when our older biller human showed already and fusina woman say Dr. Molina, Mia had a healer who Philomel Lila Amin young little fella had he wanted to do Allah illallah wa who are the WHO lash at ecollar wanted to do and Mohammed and Abu rasuluh about for the call Allah with the Bhagavata Allah Quran Majeed for for con Hamid bada or the biller human a shaytaan shaytani R rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem. Yeah un as the Hora Comala the Halacha command nursing Wahida wahala command has o Jaha. Oba Salman humare, Jalan cathedra, when he says, what type of La Hala Rita's Aluna we will our

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ham in the LA haka and Alexandra Viva la casa de Allah. Yeah, Johanna Deena Amnon topple la haka, Ducati. What are the motor in LA and Tomas Simone

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la Carlota Isla yeah you hella Rena. I'm not Allah wa Pulu Conan said either you slept like on Arma hola como fella come Zuber come on my daughter in law Havasu the Faculty Affairs fellows and all the mess of the cola hula team. They struggle Hadith the Kitab Allah wa Heil, how do you how do you Mohammed in Salah Allah

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While he was salam, wa salam Omoni more data to her Wakulla

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Wakulla be the art in Walla Walla Kula garden for now I'm about I began by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala thanking Allah subhanho wa Taala and seeking the help of Allah subhanho wa Taala and we begin by sending our salaams upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to keep us steadfast upon and Dena Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam May Allah keep our upcoming generations steadfast upon the Drina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we ask Allah subhana wa Taala that in the ark era May Allah make us the beneficiaries of the Shiva Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and may Allah grant us in our families the companionship of Muhammad

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sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in Jana, I mean, Ramadan, Amin,

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brothers and sisters, for today's hotbar, I was thinking for a very long time what exactly to talk about. And

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it came to my attention,

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as I kind of did last week, called by the second football, that there was a another hotbar that was conducted by a sub module about the importance for parents not becoming obstacles and difficulties for our, for our children to get married. And may Allah subhanaw Reward him that he explained that what are the consequences of stopping and becoming obstacles for our kids in getting married. And we are aware of that. But at the same time, we need to understand the entire picture. And what it was Dad has given us is half the picture, because there's not frankly speaking, he only has half an hour. And so today I want to cover the second half of this topic. And to help us realize that while

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yes, there are situations in this community, while there are people who come to me and they come to the side, and we they tell us about the difficulties of getting married. In fact, there is an imam who once said that today, getting getting married is even difficult than getting and paying off your mortgage. In some cases, this is how difficult it has become in our society. But at the same time, we have to understand that the parents are not the only problem in this situation, we find that our youth are also a problem in this situation. But at the same time, the parents need to reach out and they need to teach our children that what is the right way of approaching this entire subject. So

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imagine if there is a youngster who's ready to get married, who's ready to get married and keep this word ready in mind, because I'm going to come back to this once they're ready to get married, and then they find difficulties and obstacles, then you can always resort back to last week's hotbar. But the idea that, but the question is, are they ready? Yes or no? That's the question. And this process of getting ready is a long process. And that's where I want to talk about first, that we need to get our youth ready first, before they can embark on this journey. So what is what is the meaning of getting them ready? And how do we actually get our children ready for embarking on this

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journey of a lifetime? Number one is, as parents, we need to realize that the children will always mirror the parents, whatever the parents are, that's exactly what our children are going to become. Unfortunately, we have seen that while we are so much focused on the academic success of our children, and the financial success, our our children, may times we neglect fixing and correcting their flop. We forget teaching them the other important aspects of life. Yes, making them financially sound, helping them becoming academic, academically successful is our responsibility. But you will notice that as parents, we always focus only on that we always give them lectures, we

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always try to advise them. We always try to teach them but how many times have we actually sat down with our children because we have seen something in the club or we've seen something regarding the ACA where they're lacking in and we have sat down and we have focused and honed in only on that. Very rarely do we do that? Imam Ghazali Allah Allah He mentioned this in his book where he talks about the importance and how to raise children. He mentions that the children they follow their parents and every single step of the way. And even if you look at the psychological growth

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have a child. They do things in the very early stages. In fact, it is a sign of a child's mental strength and their mental ability that if they can imitate, that's a sign that they are healthy. Likewise, the mom was already mentioned that when parents of when the child or when the children are at a very young age, if the parents are doing the right things inside the family, they are conducting themselves in the right way, then the children will eventually become like that. Now we look at the life of a swosu Allahu Allah was some because that is the man that we're supposed to follow. Look at the cannula comb fee Rasulillah. He asked what an Hasina the province Salam is the

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best example. We can give many examples. But the example always given by the province of Salem topples all the other examples. So let's go to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and let's try to see what do you do in his life? We know a story that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once was sitting, and he's there sitting why's that he can address the needs of his community, the needs of the Sahaba or the alotta on him. That's his time. That's his office hours basically, but found him out of the Ultra and he walks in. And the person did not say that you know what? Leave right now. Baba is busy. abou is busy right now, don't you understand? But Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam, not only the he told Fatima to come close, but out of respect and out of mercy for his own daughter. The province of Salem got up from his own place. Can you imagine our child walking into our like home office, and we get up from our seat? Have we ever even done something like that? Get out of our seats and go to our child and put them in the in the seat. The problem some took Fatima by her hand and brought her all the way to the place where he was sitting, where he was sitting, and he made her sit there. When we learn about the story of the man who came and urinate inside the Masjid. Just like at times, you know, children are running around outside the masjid and adults are

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pulling their hair out. Like as if it's the end of the world.

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And the person sees that there is a man who's urinating inside the Masjid. Like this is probably the most longest thing that you can do inside the masjid. And you get the progress on Sunday. I've never yelled at that person. never scolded that person. Yet he even told the Sahaba let the man finish. Let him take care of his business.

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And when he was done, then he came and did the problem, son, I'm told him very nicely, very gently, that these are not the job of the machine. If you want to do something like this, you go somewhere else. There's a place for that.

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What do we hear in the store when we hear the stories about the problem seven how he was so merciful towards the guillotine, how he was so merciful toward his own family members. Does it ever occur to us? That why was he so merciful? Was it just a one day he became a prophet and he became so merciful? No. He was brought up in a family and he was brought up by people who were merciful towards him. Since he was treated with mercy when he was a child, when he became an adult, he became merciful towards others. And that's what we need to realize. Go back to the story of Talib. When people when when in fact when children were coming, and they were sitting on the chair of

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Abdulmutallab, an adult and all these children were removed. And the other Muslim came one day and he said, I'm okay with you moving all the children from my chair. But you don't dare ever say anything to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa salam. Mohammed is the only child that is allowed to sit in his grand seat, no one else is allowed to sit. When Muhammad wa sallam was was under the merciful care of his grandfather, and then his uncle, and he grew up under this this atmosphere of mercy. When he grew up, he became merciful. What if we want our children to become a certain way when they become young men, when we want our children to become a certain way when they become young women,

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then we as parents, we need to create that atmosphere inside our homes first, we cannot expect please understand this. We cannot expect that they will become exemplary characters, and they will become exemplary members of their family if we're not going to prepare them and if they're not going to see that in our in our families. If we are living in a family we're constantly there is yelling

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and screaming, and there is abuse taking place. Do you really think that our kids when they grow up to be young men and young women, they're going to be absolutely fine. No, they are going to be affected by their environment. So the very first thing in order to make them ready is that we as parents, we need to set the right example for our children.

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The next thing is

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helping our youth and creating the right frame of mind for themselves.

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When we study, Sonoma County, even yovan, Sandy Bahati, you open to the other side of pain. What's the very first Hadith as mentioned in there? In naman? Ahmad Winnie yet? We're in the early Kolibri MANOVA. Is this hadith only about intention? No. If you read the commentary of the orlimar, they say that this is much deeper than just intention. This is about creating the right frame of mind, before I do a certain action, we ask ourselves this question that why am I doing this? What? What is the objective of doing something like this? What am I going to get out of this? Why am I motivated to do something like this? Let me give you a very, very easy example. Many of us we come for Salaat Why am

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I coming facade? Because I just have to come first a lot. Why am I coming for science? Because my parents are pushing me to come for a lot. Why am I going for Assad because my wife is gonna knock at home because I'm not going for solid. So if I'm coming to the masjid, just to pray slot, not to fully understand what am I supposed to gain from Salaat? What are the rewards I'm gonna get from slot? How is it gonna change my life, then we will come for slot, we will pray, Salam will go out and there is no difference in our life. Because the intention was not there, the right frame of mind was not there before we conducted our slot. And this is why the problem says in normal Amen. Before

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you do anything, create the right frame of mind. Because if you don't have that, you will lose the objective. Now, let's try to bring this in the context of marriage.

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Many of our youth are told, and I've heard this so many times, that if you want to protect your faith, if you want to protect our youth from committing Zina, get them married. That's it. While that is in some, to some extent, it is correct. But in but overall, it is a wrong message that we are sending to our youth. Because where we are sending the message that we are sending to our youth, in essence is what the if you want to protect your chastity, then get married. So our children are now thinking to themselves, if I want to protect if I want to protect my eemaan If I want to protect my chastity, then I will get married. But then what happens after that? We don't realize that

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marriage is an agreement. It is a contract, like a contract between two people. It is a contract, there is an agreement in place. And what we are supposed to do in that marriage has been dictated by Allah and His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So this message that we are sending to our kids is a very wrong message. Because for the adults over here, and the parents over here, you know, when I say this, that when people when two people get married, that honeymoon phase that does exist in the beginning of the marriage, that's gone after a certain period of time, that's gone. And then what helps to people to be successful in this journey? It takes commitment, it takes dedication, it

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takes understanding. And there's a lot more things that come with that. So when we give our children this idea that yes, go ahead and get married. You want to protect yourself, get married, that's not what the Folsom said. He says yeah, mashallah Shabaab, man. Estaba Amin como Elba Tofail. Yet as a watch, Mina, if you have these circumstances, if you have the things in the pieces in place, get married,

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get married, but then he says for him yesterday for Our Lady, he was phone, that if you are not ready, if you are not there where you need to be, then observe fasting, and it does not mean that you have to observe only fasting, it means that you some use something that can help you stay away from committing wrong, do something fasting is one of them. Fasting is one of them. But the concept the idea the person was trying to tell us is that it does not mean that every person should have this mindset. It's wrong that we're sending to our children

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or our children read

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You're not the Quran says a region you.

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Many of us we translate this as that they are dominant when he used the word in English dominance it means that you are expressing your dominance over someone else.

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That means that you are exhibiting your power upon someone else, you are dominating someone else. That's not the idea of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when you and I when we translate a region

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that men are dominant over, then look at the life of the province has certain and once again, look at the Kerala confy rasool Allah He also had an Hasina, he is the best example. So look, Allah look at the life of the province of salaam Did he ever go through the entire Sierra from cover to cover?

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Did he ever put himself in a situation? Did he ever say anything from his tongue? Or did he do something physically that sent a message to his wife? The Omaha don't mean that I am dominant over you never, never? Did Roswaal some ever do something like that. So then how do we how can you and I? How can you and I say that we have to be dominant? No. POA mode means that we are leaders of the family. And when there is a leader of the family, what does it mean to be a leader, it means that you understand things better, there is Hikmah in your approach. Do our kids have that or not? I've had so many sisters who come to my office, and they say that our young men are not men anymore. Our

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young men are not men anymore. And to be honest, when I look at the youth, I do see that there is some truth to that. I see that when our boys, you take a girl of our of the community, you take a boy, the community, the both are 18 years old, I tell you honestly, you will find in many cases, not in all cases. So please understand what I'm trying to say I'm not saying that this is this is at all times. But in majority of cases, you will find the girls to be more mature than the boys, you will find the girls to be more mature than the boys. What has happened to our young men. What has happened when they are 18 years old, 20 years old. And they cannot take care of the basic things of

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They are not men, they don't behave like men. They can communicate like men. And once again, that that is a responsibility and who needs to prepare them for that. That's not the job of the Imam. That's not the job of the the organization. That's the job of the parents. We need to create our young men into young men, we have to help them understand what is maturity mean, we have to help them understand that when you get married, then what does it mean to resolve a conflict? What does it mean to be understanding towards the other? What is it mean that to be patient and to be to be composed when problems occur in the family, because we see that when there are problems in the

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family. If the if the wife she breaks down, she she breaks down, then usually in some cases, you'll find the men breaking down to know the men need to be strong at that time. If the wife is crying, and she has an emotional breakdown, that the man needs to step up, once again, we need to create our young men into men, but we don't have that anymore.

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And the last thing I want to cover is responsibility.

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There was a woman who came to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And she says that there are two people who have proposed to me two people that have proposed to me, and he asked Who are those two men? And he's and she said that one is a person by the name of Abu Jehan. And the other one, his name is more are we not? Not the mafia. The senator was another Malia. And the problem said that you know what, this man Abu Jahan, he's always traveling. He's always traveling, he's not going to be there for you. I would advise you don't get married to him. Because if he's traveling, he's not going to be there for you. And a husband and wife, they need each other's companionship, you're

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going to lose the objective. So don't get married to him. As far as, as far as morewhy is concerned, that don't get married to him because right now he's in the state of poverty. He's in the state of poverty. What is the policy I'm trying to send here? What message the policy I'm trying to set and send here that the man has to be responsible for his family. I understand that parents are stepping up nowadays and they're saying that yes, it's fine. My child in order to protect him and protect his chastity. I will go

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Head, let them get married, they can live with me. Once again, it's a wrong message that we're sending to our kids. We need to help our kids understand that they need to become responsible in life. Let me tell you of a youngster

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who was responsible in his life. Think about if I were to tell you that there is a young man, a young man who was a shepherd. Now you know what it means to be a shepherd. It means you're dealing with animals, your threshold of patience is not only here, it has to be here.

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Now only that you can talk and you can communicate with humans, you can communicate with animals. So imagine a young man, probably 1617 years old, he's a shepherd. That means that he's waking up early in the morning. And he's been with the animals, he's taking care of them. And now once there was a complain that you're when your work ethic is lagging, or you're not doing the right job. And then this young man, when he's 2324 years old, he begins to travel for business, not locally, internationally. Have you ever heard of a youngster, a young man nowadays, 2324 years old, who is travel who's traveling for business internationally, and not only that, but they are successful in

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their business, they're making a profit, they are trustworthy in their business. You know who this youngster is? Is Muhammad Sal, Allahu Allah? He was.

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Can you imagine today we look at the life of the possibilities, we always say, Oh, he was just about religion. You were just about religion. No, there prophesied, Saddam has sent a very strong message that when you before you get married, you have to be responsible in your life. We need to make our children responsible in their life. Today, we are giving and we are handing everything to our kids. And even when I've said on the hotbar, or when I've said At other times, that give responsibilities to your children, let them earn the money, let them pay for some of their basic bills, like their phone bill and so forth.

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Then parents have put upon them some small, small responsibilities, take out the garbage $20 Why would you give $20 in the first place, just for taking out the garbage make it more difficult for them, make it more difficult for them, make our kids into men next time they get a flat tire, let them change it for themselves. Show up there. No problem showing up there. You guys show your parenthood, you're going over there, you're supervising you're looking at them, but let them change that tire. Because that will teach them a lesson for the future. When our kids are 18 years old, 17 years old, and you ask them, What do you want to become down the road? I don't know.

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This is why some of you said I don't know. Well, of course, I mean, come on, you must have some idea. Nope, I don't have any idea.

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This is our young men. So before they can even get to the point where they are, they can move forward, we have to make them ready. Once again, make them ready is our as parents, we need to set the right examples and our families. Number two is we need to help them understand and create the right frame of mind before they get married. Help them understand what exactly marriage is all about, is not just about fulfilling your human earthly desires. There's a lot more to marriage than just that to help them become mature. And finally how to understand to become responsible if they are studying. Let them finish their studies. In some cases, yes, because there is a fear if you want

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to even go and get their Nikka done. Not they're not when they are living with each other just the key taba or the Nica the the marriage ceremony, that's absolutely fine because that in itself that in itself would make it allowed or make it halal for them to even communicate. Today people are getting engaged, and they're talking to each other like they are a husband and wife. This is haram. This is not right. Just because you're engaged does not mean that everything before marriage becomes allowed for you till the Kitab or till the Nikka ceremony takes place. So if we want to protect our kids, yes, you can probably get their Nikka done, but at the same time, they're not living with each

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other. Let them get on to their two feet. And then once they're ready, once they're ready, then we can help them we can help them embark on this journey. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to give all this ability to everyone who has been sent hurt. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala that for all of our young brothers, may Allah subhanaw taala help them find suitable sisters and for all of our sisters in the community, our single sisters May Allah subhanaw taala help them find suitable husbands and ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala in our families, may Allah give all this ability to fulfill each other's rights. May Allah subhana wa

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Allah give the give the husband to fulfill the rights of the wife, the wife to fulfill the rights of the husband and the parents. May Allah give the parents the ability to fulfill the rights of the children and may Allah give the understanding, give a proper understanding to our children on how to fulfill the rights of the parents and ask Allah subhanaw taala in all of our families may Allah May Allah send His peace and blessings in each family. May Allah Subhana Allah remove the conflicts and the issues in our family. May Allah subhanaw taala once again put peace in our families I mean Ramadan I mean medical alone and I welcome him when I find out why he accommodated with the Hakeem

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and stuff Allah How are you welcome well inside Mr. Manifest Alfredo in a hula for writing

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Mr Lai Rahman Rahim in Alhamdulillah Mohammed who want to stay in the home that stuff you know when I was with him initially and phocoena Amin sejati Medina mean you had the left la medulla Humann. You will follow her the Allah wants to Allah it alojado Dasha Iike wants to do I know Muhammad and I will do what a su I'm about. Forgot to call a lot about a Kota Allah for karate mochila for Quan Hamid God that was human chiffon rajim Bismillah Rohan Rahim in the Lahore Malayaka, who use on an island OB unit in Salalah. He was sitting with the steamer alarm Salah Mohammed wala Ali Mohammed Ibrahim Laila Ali Ibrahim in Academy the Majid or barik ala Muhammad wa ala Ali Mohammed, come out

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of the lab Rahim Allah al Ibrahim and Nick Hamina Majeed along muscle is someone who's demean Allahumma Islam on misdemeanor frequently makan, Allahu Allah Mahalo. Fauna Wahhabi, that was the whole arena was female Varna. Why a female Madonna? What Hamilton I will put the ad in a local Lehigh while cyminum and coalition wife of Nam Incoloy Aloha moccasin and I'm in hushed Attica Mata Hello behave behave in an elevator Matsutake woman thought to come out to Bali whenever he jannettek Omiya Kinema Tovino pra Nana Saliba dunya on maternal vs Marina was slowly now local were Tina Hey Tina was a little worrisome in which I started on island and voila Mina one sadhana Allah Maha Donna

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what are the Dynamo see, but then I feed in whatever Jalandoni Atwater Hamina Walla Walla in anonimo Sedona rattle solitaire Elena Mala Homina Allahumma in NS look at my nephew, while I'm alone with a cappella what is Anwar see? What is unwise worship colada worship Amin colada, Aloha My nana will be coming Himalayan fat I'm gonna call Belinda Yaksha Amina ciliata Shiva women do in LA used to jab ominto Illa used to jab Amin OB Alameen in Allah Hi I'm gonna be the other way accent where Ito went hard for che Omen Cleverbot Yamuna Allah the Quran first groaning calm was Cooley with a phone optimised salah.

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Strain lines fill in the gaps

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you brothers in the back to rooms please make sure that the front hall is complete.

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To the sisters please make sure that the rows are straight. If you see any empty gaps please fill those gaps

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the back

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long, long, long long Cubone I said when

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I said one muddle was soon long hanyalah fun idea Hi IEA Island Villa or the law Matthew Swan Edwin Gordon Gomez useless.

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A lucky

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lucky bone

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Hello streamlines from the gifts he has online please make sure cell phones are off

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along with phone

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Alhamdulillah Hamdulillah he Robben Island me and a rock Manuel Rafi me Maliki yo me D and E ek and now I will do what you can isteri

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And in a pseudo calling Mustafi sir all call levena and now I'm telling him why he didn't know who we are lay him one more

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what do you have a lady either said,

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Rob Buka wema Paula what lf you know to how you like Amina al Ghul water Sophia, you're the caribou Kapha Tarago LM Yejide Acharya team

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wha wha Wah

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wah wah Jeddah Isla

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Melia tema

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what I must say

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then how what I'm Mabini Amati Rob beaker Fahad this Allahu.

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Semi Allahu Neeman Hamidah

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Aloha kaboom

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and hamdulillah Europe Rabbil Alameen our manual Rafi Mia Maliki oh well, MIDI and ear caribou do what he can isteri and a dinner set off on the Mustafi so for Lolita and now I'm to Isley him while he didn't do VRD him one up on the

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I'm not sure Holika soda rock well we're gonna go with the rock a lady called over her rock wore off

00:37:29--> 00:37:41

the garage for in porosity you saw on in I lost the Yusor or fader for over the phone. Sober Rob Vika

00:37:42--> 00:37:43

Allahu Akbar

00:37:51--> 00:37:53

Sabina Allahu anyone Hamidah

00:37:56--> 00:37:58

a law like a boom

00:38:06--> 00:38:07

Allahu Akbar

00:38:12--> 00:38:12


00:38:23--> 00:38:26

Oh, oh what's wrong

00:39:20--> 00:39:22

a seller more equal more of

00:39:24--> 00:39:29

a seller more equal more of metal on

00:39:31--> 00:39:31


00:39:46--> 00:39:48

Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

00:39:49--> 00:39:52

Came on the team. Very informative.