Gender Wars An Obstacle to Marriage

share this pageShare Page
Ismail Kamdar

Channel: Ismail Kamdar

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:03

hamdulillah Nakamoto who when it's down when the stuff

00:00:05--> 00:00:05

we know we

00:00:06--> 00:00:34

rely on fusina we see Dr. Medina, the logo for the mandala. What made you look bad call on the other people Annie Machida OB La Mina shaytani R rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem, Nunavut, Minato Babu, Malia, Yama, Luna, Ruthie, Yahoo Daniel good karaoke Muna Salado tune as the gada. Up Hoonah, Lahore of Hula, hula because your mobile enological hockey.

00:00:36--> 00:01:19

Continuing on our topic about some of the reasons why many young people are not getting married, and why divorce rates have skyrocketed. What are we going to do over the next few weeks, you're going to take one point each and discuss it over an entire football because in reality, this problem we are facing in the 21st century doesn't have one. There are many reasons why we had this new problem of too many divorces, and people not even wanting to get married in the first place. And today, I want to discuss a very specific point that I believe isn't discussed at all in our community. And it's something that's affecting the mindsets of the younger generation, and that is the gender war,

00:01:19--> 00:02:07

right? This this new age idea of men seeing women as the enemy and women seeing men as the enemy. This is a new idea, which the older generation might not even have heard of them. Because for the bulk of human history, men and women understood their roles in society, their gender differences and the need for each other. It was this interdependence, men knew that they needed wives, and women knew that they needed husbands. And both of them were fine. This everybody was fine with the social order. And it worked well for all of human history until the 20th century. But in the 20th century, a series of events took place that led to the breakdown of families that led to the skyrocketing of

00:02:07--> 00:02:46

divorce, that led to an outbreak of Zillow. And that led to the mess that the EMA is in today. And these problems started in the West, they started with non Muslim communities, but they did into the Muslim community, and they became our problems. And now, we are dealing with the outcome of that. Everywhere I go, I meet young men who don't want to get married, or medium woman who don't want to get married. And then I meet some who get married in a divorce within a few days or a few weeks or a few months over the weakest of reasons. Now, I'm not saying divorce is bad divorce is something which is necessarily attacks at times. But these these become the easy way out instead of working

00:02:46--> 00:03:22

together to solve problems, which sometimes aren't the problems to begin with. So today's discussion, I want to frame it around the verse in the Quran surah Tauba, chapter nine verse 71, Allah subhana wa Menounos, Minato Babu only that the believing men and believing woman, they are allies and friends of each other. This is a verse in the Quran. Allah shahada tells us believing men and believing woman, our friends and allies of each other. The commandment is good. They forbid what is evil, they establish salah they give charity and they obey Allah and His messenger.

00:03:23--> 00:03:32

This verse I believe, gives us a solution to this problem that we are facing. And it gives us a very solid foundation for happy marriages.

00:03:33--> 00:03:36

Now, what's interesting about this verse is when you open the classical books,

00:03:38--> 00:04:14

most of them don't actually have an explanation of this verse. You don't really go into any details explaining this verse, why? What I thought about it, and I realized that for the bulk of human history, this verse was self explanatory. For the bulk of human history, the need to tell a man, that woman or your friends, you didn't need to tell a woman that men are your friends. It was self explanatory. Men and women support each other, they assist each other, they need each other. This is something all societies understood until the modern world, for the series of events occurred in the modern world that broke this down. And now for the first time in history, we have to teach this to

00:04:14--> 00:04:47

people. Because we have women today, who believe that all men are trash. And if you believe all men are trash, you're not going to be happy with any manner that we have women today who believe that masculinity is toxic. If you believe masculinity is toxic, and you don't want the feminine husband, you never want to find a man that you're happy with because you don't want it to be unnatural. And you don't want him to be feminine. What do you want him to be? You don't have a definition of a good man. We have men who believe all women are you know, this enough to set will occur. There is something wrong with the brains. You're not going to be able to form a good relationship with a

00:04:47--> 00:04:59

woman if you have this kind of idea of we have men today you think all women feminists are not going to find a good wife. This is your mindset. So we have this problem today, where men and women

00:05:00--> 00:05:35

seeing each other as the enemy. And when you have this idea that the opposite gender is your enemy, that you have to fake if you have to fight the big patriarchy, that you have to fight feminism, that you have to, you know, stop the opposite gender, you are never going to be able to form a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite gender, not even with your own parents leave alone, getting married and forming a good relationship with your spouse. Because a woman who thinks that masculinity is toxic, or that men are trash, she's not even going to be able to have a good relationship with their own father, right, and a man who thinks that all women are stupid, he's not

00:05:35--> 00:06:18

going to have a good relationship with his own mother. So we have to let go of these ideas, these ideas, which do not come from Islam, they come from modern manmade ideologies. These ideas are detrimental to society. And these ideas are destroying our families. Now, there's a history behind these ideas. And I want to very briefly walk us through the history so that we understand to be understand what went wrong. And if we can fix it, right, because these ideas do not creep into our community out of nowhere. Things happen, that cause people in our community to embrace these wrong ideas. And some of what I'm going to say may be a bit controversial, but we have to see it in order

00:06:18--> 00:06:19

to fix the problem.

00:06:20--> 00:06:56

When Islam came to this region 100 years ago, we brought with it a lot of cultural baggage that we people said was Islam. But these cultural practices were not a part of a different culture. And some of these practices were very unjust to everyone. Right? We have to be clear. So these practices that we brought from other countries to South Africa, and say that this Islamic world has nothing to do with the Quran and Sunnah anybody have? These practices, many of them were unjust. And many of them made life very difficult for small.

00:06:57--> 00:07:37

And young ladies growing up in South Africa with two different cultures. They seem the home culture we women are treated badly in the name of Islam were practices that have nothing to do with Islam. And when they see the Western culture, we women have all this so called freedom. Because of feminism, what happened because of that we have an entire generation of Muslim woman who moved away from Islam to watch feminism, or they made up their own thing in a video called Islamic feminism, right, which isn't a real thing. Right? There's no Islamic feminism because feminism is foundations aren't Islamic. So we now have a generation of women who are wanting to fight these problems, and

00:07:37--> 00:08:12

not seeing any solution with Islamic value for all of these problems. They are solutions within Islam. All of these problems we have in our community where people are mistreating women in the name of Islam. If you actually just go back to the Quran and Sunnah, you go back to the actual swatted effect, you go back to the principles of the madman hubs, you can solve these problems, you can find just unbalanced solutions, even within each must have the adjusted valid solutions. The problem is, instead of looking deep into our religion for solutions, we began to push these cultural practices as if they are divinely inspired. And if you don't understand what cultural practice I'm talking

00:08:12--> 00:08:45

about, for example, the idea that a woman is like a server or in laws. This is the cultural practice that is somehow still prevalent in many parts of our community. And it is driving women away from yourself is driving women away from Islam. And now we have the opposite extreme, where a woman doesn't want to do anything good for us. Right now we have two opposite extremes, right one with a woman is oppressed by in laws. And one way she doesn't even want to be nice to anyone. While the Islamic practice is you know, you have your rights, they have their right, everybody works together, we are only up each other, we are friends to each other, this beautiful part. So the story doesn't

00:08:45--> 00:09:22

stop there. By too many people stop. They think that, okay, we have this culture and practices that push women away, they became feminist and our feminism is the problem. But what many people are not seeing is right now in the world. There's another problem stalking, a reaction to feminism. That is just as bad. Because what's happening is because feminism has destroyed marriages over the past 40 years, we now have a new movement amongst men, that is a counter feminism. That is a hatred. For me. That is a hatred for marriage, there is a hatred of anything to do with women, we have this new age mentality where men now see women as the enemy. And they don't want to get married. They don't want

00:09:22--> 00:09:52

to have the responsibility of women, they don't want anything to do more. And so now, many of the elders are confused. They told you the sons of the grandson to get married and the sounds like I don't want anything to do a woman, woman a trouble. And you understand where this is coming from. This is coming from outside ideologies, right? Very ideologies that your youth are exposed to on the internet. And I mentioned the name because I wanted you to go and google it and become exposed. But there are these New Age ideologies that are portraying woman as the enemy.

00:09:53--> 00:10:00

And so now this problem becoming compounded. We have cultural practices that people are pushing as part of Israel.

00:10:00--> 00:10:30

They have nothing to do with Islam. And as you push a woman away from Islam, then the woman leaving or going away from Islam or going towards feminism, and feminism is bringing new problems into our community, right? Because if you look at the foundations of feminism, it's all about, you know, freedoms on the level that cause. For example, one of the foundations of feminism is the freedom for women to come and see now, this is one of the foundations of feminism, the freedom to come and see that no society will ever succeed. When people want to come and say,

00:10:32--> 00:11:02

Xena is the cause of the downfall of every society. And then we wonder how we got to where we are. And in the problem is compounded, where men now upset by feminism go to the opposite extreme and start new movements. And so now you have a generation of young woman growing up thinking that masculinity is toxic, and men are trash, and you have a generation of young men growing up thinking the woman troubling a woman or feminine a woman or the enemy, and you wonder why they don't want to get married. And I say the solution. The solution always comes from Islam.

00:11:03--> 00:11:21

You see, when you replace in man made ideology with another man made ideology, you always going to be replacing one set of problems with a new set of problems. The only way to solve a problem is to go back to what Allah has revealed. And that is what is called this is what these verses in the Quran do, they give us a solution.

00:11:22--> 00:11:38

And my call today for anyone who has hatred towards the opposite gender, is to look towards the Quran message. Because the Quran tells us that we all need each other. We know now when we not to bow to whom only

00:11:40--> 00:12:27

believing men and believing each other's friends and allies, we need each other. The Quran creates for us this interdependence, and interdependence between men and women. Men have certain qualities that women don't only have certain qualities that men don't, we need each other to function properly. Men need wives, women need husbands, children need mothers and fathers, we need each other. And when we work together, when we ally with each other, when we see the opposite gender as someone who can benefit the working together to benefit this woman with the opposite gender, then we have a stable and a positive foundation for our marriage. And so my quote towards anyone who has

00:12:27--> 00:13:04

animosity towards the opposite gender is to reframe the way you look at the opposite gender. You see, men are not the problem and women are not the problem. It is these modern man made ideologies that are propped up, delete these ideologies from your mind and replace it with Islam. replace these ideologies with Islam with the Quran and the Sunnah. And you will find the when you do this, you will have a much more healthier relationship with every member of the opposite gender in your family. I love the guidance to be amongst those who live by Islam and practice what he preaches. So behind the Robin is at the embassy fool was salam ala recently 111.

00:13:11--> 00:13:15

Al hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam Ala Moana Nova Mabon.

00:13:17--> 00:13:30

So how, how do we be allies to each other? What does this even mean? What does it mean for men and women to treat each other as allies? Well, if you break down this verse, Allah shahada specifies believing men and believing more.

00:13:32--> 00:14:10

By specifying the to Allah is showing us that is a difference between a believing men and unbelieving woman. It doesn't make one better than the other. But it means both of them have something the other needs, right. So for example, in general, in general, I know I'm being a bit stereotypical here, but in general, men are more physically strong. And generally women need a man in their life to protect them from abusive people. Why? Likewise, women generally understand emotions better. And a man often needs a woman to help him understand other people's emotions. And any man who is who has a good relationship with a woman. Notice that there are times when someone's

00:14:10--> 00:14:48

talking to you and you do understand your feelings. And your wife will tell you that person is depressed, that person asking you for help, or you never called it up yourself because she has a better understanding of emotions. We need each other. We both have different strengths. Allah created us like this. And one of the first thing that we need to do if we want marriages to start working again, is for men and women to understand what Allah has made him good at understand the roles and responsibilities Allah has given them in this world, and to be happy with how Allah made. This is the key point. Because now we are reaching whole new levels of income. When a woman wants to

00:14:48--> 00:14:59

be men and men want to be women. I don't mean they just want to be treated like a man or treated like a woman. They literally changing the genders. We've reached a whole new level of it now. We are men who want to walk into a woman's bathroom

00:15:00--> 00:15:01

You know, I identify as a woman.

00:15:02--> 00:15:06

It's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous but this is where society is going.

00:15:07--> 00:15:35

One of the first things we need to do is be happy to Allah created us as a woman should be proud to be a believing Muslim. And a man should be proud to be a believing Muslim man, and both of them should embrace everything that comes along with that and what comes along with that Inshallah, we will discuss that in future goodbyes, we'll discuss what is Islamic masculinity, what Islamic femininity, and how both of these are necessary for happy home abode. It is unnecessary for marriage to work harmoniously necessary for society to try to survive.

00:15:36--> 00:16:16

So what do we need to do to be obedient to each other number one, recognize your gender, and the roles and responsibilities and the strengths and weaknesses that come with it, and be happy with how Allah made you and embrace that completely. Embrace it completely. Number two, focus on your relationships in the following order of priority. Number one, your relationship with Allah. Number one, your relationship with Allah, your number one priority in life should be obedient to Allah subhanho wa taala. That takes precedence over everything else, after Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, your family, focus on your family. And last focus on your career or

00:16:16--> 00:16:49

your source of income. You see, capitalism has pushed us to put the career first, we put our careers before we put our careers before our families. And we wonder why our families are breaking die, why people don't have good relationships with their children or their spouses anymore. It's because we only focus on money. We only focus on money, very often the families that can live off a single income. So someone can look after the children, but they want to want to double income because they just want more and more and more. I'm not saying there aren't situations that the opposite it's Africa, there are many situations where both the husband wife has to work because of the cost of

00:16:49--> 00:17:26

living. But there are also many situations where it is this capitalistic leading us where we just want more when you have this huge house and you want the bigger Are you going for all the twice a year to move all the four times a year, we just want more. So put that aside. Understand that first comes Allah then comes your family, then comes into the Dunia should never be number one, this world should not be our number one goal. As long as we make this world our number one goal, we will always have progress again, I've seen this in the problems the Manage market today, so many young men from South Africa from the United Kingdom from the USA, he complained to me they see when I go and meet

00:17:26--> 00:17:50

women to proposals, they only have one thing they wanted, like they only care about their careers. They don't want to have children. They don't want to, you know, support the husband in any emotional way. They don't want to play the role of a wife, they just want to focus on your career. And nobody wants that he has no right to be frankly, Amanda doesn't want that. Meanwhile, if you want to be completely frank, that's not what a man looking for when he's looking to get married.

00:17:52--> 00:18:33

So we need to move away from this idea that life's all about meeting. And we need to move away from this idea that you know, my career or my business or my source of income comes first that should have its place that should be there. But family is more important illogical hacker is most important about that for all of this. Number three, we should in any interaction with the opposite gender. Focus on being just and compassionate. Focus on being just uncompassionate. When dealing with the opposite gender. Do not use the advantages that Allah has given you to mistreat a member of the opposite gender. Do not use it to mistreat a member of the opposite gender. Right? Do not be abusive

00:18:33--> 00:18:53

to your spouses. Do not be oppressive to your children do not mistreat someone because of any reason. If we are people of justice and compassion, we will bring people towards Islam. But if we are abusing people and using Islam as an excuse to abuse people, then we become the reason that people run away.

00:18:55--> 00:19:42

Finally, finally, focus on Win Win situations focus on helping each other to get to gender. Focus on helping each other to get the best of the dunya and often do not treat each other as enemies. Let's go back to the verse let's conclude by looking at the mosque Allah shahada tells us believing men and believing woman, allies and friends of each other, but only out that they are friends and allies to each other. How what do we do here maroon or below my roof that together collectively Muslim men and women they call to watch what is God while you hold anymore? And they forbid what is evil. This should be the foundation of your relationship that a man and a woman with each other should be

00:19:42--> 00:20:00

calling towards what is good and forbidding evil, evil man is not waking up for Fajr his wife or his mother or his daughter time to recover commodities good if a woman is not observing a job properly. A husband or a father should have the right actually have the you know the again to do with them.

00:20:00--> 00:20:40

passionate adjusters to teach you how to observe a job properly. It shouldn't be that we treat each other as, as you know as enemies like who are you to tell me what to do, but rather we should thank each other for helping us get closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala we should then each other for helping us find our way back to Allah to command what is good for good what is evil is the foundation of an Islamic relationship. What else are up wanna start up they established a Salah, a good marriage, the foundation is that both parties are people who pray five times a day while you're doing a Sokka and it gives a cup generosity is the foundation of a good marriage when you do una la

00:20:40--> 00:21:24

hora. So then finally the most important one, they obey Allah and His messenger for marriage to succeed, it must be founded upon the obedience of Allah and His messenger. And this is why I say for our marriages to work, we have to delete from our minds, these manmade ideologies, we have to delete these ideas, these ideas are destroying marriages, whether it is these new yoga masculine movements that treat women as enemies, whether it is this new age feminism, whatever it is, any idea that is invented by human beings about how the opposite gender is, it is today especially the one we invented really destructive to society. For family to work, we go back to the Quran and the Quran

00:21:24--> 00:21:58

tells us you to own Allah, Allah for obey Allah and His Messenger where the man is obedient to Allah and His messenger and his wife is the beach to Allah his Messenger is a much stronger chance of the marriage working Of course there are other factors that can lead to divorce. But this is a foundation this is a good foundation. Allah Mata allows to be from those who understand the Quran and live by me he make our homes places of peace may make our homes the source of baraka and source of righteousness a goodness you know between your hustler will be after the hustler walking out love and robbing a hub dynamic as was, you know the reality Nakula guy in which unlimited Elijah,

00:21:58--> 00:22:02

Muhammad is a merciful was phenomenal and Mussolini would have to do that without me