Kaleemullah #05 – The Etiquettes of Gender Interactions in Islam

Nadim Bashir


Channel: Nadim Bashir


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The speakers discuss the importance of finding someone who is close to others, finding them comfortable, and being firm and disrespectful. They emphasize the need to teach children the meaning of sex and modesty, and to avoid negative consequences. The speakers also emphasize the importance of memorizing cultural values and deeds to avoid confusion and confusion. They stress the need to apply these lessons in one's life and spread them broadly.

Transcript ©

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logging, though, saw the how

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many Mina Mussolini Nimi

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salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Mr. Aloha no 100 elektrobit alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi. Germaine and my brother, welcome to another segment of Cunnamulla, where we go through the lessons and reflections taken from the story of Musa alayhis salam. Now without going into a lot of details about where we are, we are at the point where Allah subhanho wa Taala says about Musa alayhis salam that he has traveled now for several weeks. And he is now in Medina and, and he goes there. And there's of course, he sees two women, he helps them out. In short, they come back, they say to Mousavi, Islam that our father is calling you. He wants

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to reward you for your hard efforts and for your work and your assistance. And he comes to this man, and this man provides an opportunity of employment to Musa alayhis salam, he accepts the terms. And he not only not only does he accept, accept the terms, and he accepts the job, but he also marries one of the daughters of this man. And then he lives in Medina and for 10 years. So this is what the Quran has mentioned. In short, I just mentioned, the question is, let's get straight into what are some of the lessons and reflections learn from the story? First of all, I must say that this part of the story really teaches us about how do we interact with the opposite gender, and inshallah we'll

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mention several things. The very first thing that first lesson and reflection that we can take from the story

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is that Musala gets stomped, he has traveled for some weeks, and he has now ended up in this place by the end, he has no money, he has no place to live. He needs all the help in the world. He's a stranger, he doesn't have any food to eat either. But what Musa ism does is that when he sees someone else who is in need of help, he goes and he provides him and he provides help, and he lends a hand. What we learned from this is that a Muslim, no matter what situation we are in, even though we may need help in our life, and we may need other people to help us out. But we should always be a person that when we see someone who is in need of help, we should go out of our way to help someone

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else out as much as we can. We learn this even from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, without going into the story so much. The man A man came to the Prophet salallahu it he was setting up the Prophet it is Psalm is sitting inside the masjid, he's making dua to Allah subhanho wa taala. He's engaged in his own worship and everybody that a man comes to him and this is a time when there is so much opposition against the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and against his mission. And a man comes to me and says, that such and such Qureshi leader took my money, and he has done injustice with me. Now the Prophet SAW Allah why Islam could have said that, you know, man, my friend, I need

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help myself. You need to go to someone else to get your help for yourself. That's not who the Prophet alayhi salam was, that's not what he did. He knowing the situation even though he needs help, but he understands that this man is also in need of help. Let me go out of my way and let me help him too. And the Prophet SAW Allah some he helped him and the value son was so sick was so selfless, and he was on selfish at all, when even helping him out after helping this person. The Prophet sallallahu is some did not even enforce Dawa upon him he never said to him, now that I've helped you now that you have to convert to Islam know, that prophesized Saddam was this helping

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nature. So this is why part of being a believer is that no matter how much help I need in my life, and I need the assistance for other people, but when I see someone else who is in need, I should always step forward and help someone else out and inshallah when we do, Allah subhanho wa Taala will help us that's the very first thing that we learn from this story. Now, coming to the gender interaction part, this is extremely important to understand, because today we have our own interpretation of gender interaction, we have our own explanation of gender interaction. So let's try to get into this first. The very first thing that we learned is that the Quran says, Well, what

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did that mean? Dooney Iman Murata you need to do then he moves on to use some saw that there were two women there were standing apart there were standing apart now they're all Amma dimension, that the reason there were standing apart is because when they are closer to the men, they are harassed. And that could be that could be an explanation, at the same time from a spirit from a purely

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modesty perspective, what we learn is that when it comes to men and women, even when it comes to men and women interacting with each other, there has to be an acceptable amount of space between the man and the woman. Now, of course, in our day and age, you know, things at that time were very different, even today there are different, but still, that does not mean that even if we are interacting, then we have to be very, very close to each other. There has to be an acceptable amount of distance, when we are even talking to the opposite gender. And we see this from those women. The next thing that we learn is from the story is that Musa alayhis salam approached them, he said, All

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of mahato bukhoma, what is your situation here? And the reason he's asking that question is because here he sees so many men, and logically speaking, and naturally speaking, is supposed to be the men from their household who should be here taking care of their animals. That's not the case here. What he sees is that there are two women. So he says, What is going on? What do we learn from this? First of all, what we learn from this is brothers and sisters, is that it is absolutely there's nothing wrong with a man and a woman talking to each other and interacting with each other. You know, see, one of the biggest problems that today we have is that we have either a very unrealistic approach to

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gender interaction, as I said earlier, or we have not even taught our children about what is gender interaction. So because of this, our kids fall into a predicament, they fall into a dilemma, they have no idea. If the parents have not taught their children how to apply higher in modesty, when you're interacting with the opposite gender, then they're not going to have any higher in their life, they're always going to go, and they're going to be very, you know, they're going to be very open in the sense that they're not going to apply any rules and laws of HIA and modesty in their approach that's wrong to begin with. At the same time, when parents put unrealistic expectations,

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they make up their own rules when it comes to higher and modesty. And they placed those expectations on their children. And those children, they understand that these rules and these laws cannot be applicable in our times in our society, the way our society has been constructed, then what happens is that either there or not, is there either there's going to be no HIA. Or they're going to be so socially awkward, that they cannot even have a natural or a normal conversation with the opposite gender, and SubhanAllah. I'm not I'm not sugarcoating this, I'm telling you, honestly, that today's Subhanallah, we have so many boys of our Muslim community, that do not even have the confidence of

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talking to someone of the opposite gender, when they go to work down the road, and they have employment and they're working, you know, normal jobs, they might become a doctor and so forth. You need to know how to interact with the opposite gender. But in the most modest way, today, we're not teaching that to our children, or we're giving them a you know, a very skewed version of what HYAH and modesty are, what gender interaction means. So this is very important to teach our kids the right meaning the right understanding of what higher and modesty is, and what and how do you interact with the opposite gender, closing them off completely is not the right way. Not educating

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them is also not the right way. Our Deen has taught us a balance. So that is the next thing that there is nothing wrong and interacting with the opposite gender, as long as we do it, applying the laws and the standards of higher and modesty that is taught to us in the Quran and the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. The next thing that we learn from the story is that these women are coming, and they're working in sort of a what you want to call it a hostile environment. And, you know, in some of the books, they mentioned, that the men they could you know, long time ago, even at that time, even till today, we find in many cases, that men can harass and sometimes

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sexually harass women and so forth. And so these women are standing away. So what we see is that women coming and working in a hostile environment, because when they were asked why they said, What a buena shakin, Kabir, our father is extremely old, and he does not have the physical capacity to come and help us or, you know, to do this job. What we learn from this is brothers and sisters is that if women because there's a dire situation in their family, and they need to go and work, or even if there is not a dire situation in their family, and they want to go into work, there's absolutely nothing wrong for a woman to go and work and to have a job. Once again. The rules are

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She has to apply the laws of hire and modesty, she has to apply the rules and the standards of gender interaction set by our dean. If she does that there's absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, even if she has to work in a hostile environment, and a hostile environment, you know, once again, that comes to every single individual person, some people, they do not want to work in a hostile environment, and that's absolutely fine. And some people, they have no choice but to work in a hostile environment. And if they can cope with it, and they can deal with it, then fine, no problem. And there's nothing wrong in working in that kind of situation. In fact, in America, we see that,

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you know, you know, when there is a certain type of harassment against a woman, then she can file a complaint and in, you know, in HR, and so forth. And to be truly honest, our Muslim countries are much worse than this. I mean, I'm not saying every single person, every single Muslim country, but across the board, or Muslim countries are not really great at this. There's so much harassment against women, that takes place there. So once again, if a woman needs to work in a hostile environment, and she's absolutely fine with it, and she needs to work, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Today, we have this, you know, this misconception that people are spreading, that it

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is haram for women to go and work was the Delete for that there is nothing wrong for a woman to go and work if she wants to work. There's nothing wrong with that. Then now the next thing that we learned also is that when Musa Islam went and he was conversing with them, they he asked a simple question, what is going on here? He asked a very direct question. And they gave a very respectful, polite answer to Musala Islam. What do we learn from this? When two people are talking of the opposite gender, one of the key rules of gender interaction is that you talk about the business or you talk about the specific matter and move on. See, the Quran tells us that when it comes to men

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and women, Allah subhanaw taala actually instructs the women he says Falletta Hello, I'm Bill Cole, for Yakama I love if he called the model don't work with Nicola Maru for the Quran tells us that when it comes to men and women that they should, especially the women, that they should not be flirtatious in their talk, you know, a lot of times you ask a question, and they start giggling, or they start, you know, they start acting in a very awkward way. Sometimes this happens to men also, you know, they become, you know, they freeze all of a sudden. So what's important to understand is that, you know, when two people of the opposite gender are talking to each other, first of all, you

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should be respectful. You know, unfortunately, for some reason, we find that, you know, when this is taught to many girls that you should give you should be very direct, they become very rude, they become very disrespectful, they're talking in a very, you know, in a very rude way. That's not what our Dean has taught us, you can be firm and you can be polite at the same time. Today, many of us are taught that if you are firm, then you have to be disrespectful and rude, firm and disrespectful are two different things, you can be firm and you can give a direct answer and you can also be respectful and you can also be polite, there is you know, they can go hand in hand. So what we need

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to understand is that when it comes to gender interaction, then we talk to each other about the business and about that and we move on there is no need to have any kind of flirtatious talk amongst amongst the two. Then we also find Musa alayhis salam he makes a very beautiful dua that you know, I want everyone to memorize this do if they can. When Musa lays some he helps these two women out he goes and he sits underneath the tree. The DUA that he makes is Yeah, rugby in Neelima and Zelda Ilya min how you didn't forget that Oh Allah, whatever. I you know, truly I'm in need. So whatever good you sent me bestow that upon me. So this is a dua the Musala is some is making. Now this has two

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meanings. The One meaning is, as many of us we understand this dua is that Oh Allah, whatever, hey, that you sent upon me, even it may be small, oh Allah give that to me. That's a good that's there's I mean, that's the right understanding. But there's also another understanding of this dua, and that is, the Musa lism understands that he has, you know, he is considered as a criminal in Egypt. He accidentally killed a man and he has fled, you know, he has fled from from, you know, from that country, and now he's here. He understands that he has done wrong. He understands that he has made Toba to Allah subhanho wa taala. But he wants to always find ways to overcome and make up for the

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wrong that he has done. So he's making dua to Allah, Oh Allah, if there's any opportunity that I can do good to make up for the wrong that I have done. Oh Allah grant me those opportunities. Here. He's saying to Allah subhanaw taala that you gave me the opportunity to help these two women out

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out, Oh Allah grant me more opportunities to. So there are two meanings to this dua. But you know, one thing that we learned also is that in Ibaka Thea a malleability. Rahmatullah lay in his stuff see it? He has quoted a five minute save Rahmatullah. I lay by saying that this is a very beautiful DUA of Musa alayhis salam. And this is a very comprehensive DUA of Musa alayhis salam. And not only that, but Musa is some he makes his dua and what Allah gave him in return, Allah subhanho wa Taala gave him a job, Allah Subhana Allah gave him a house, Allah Subhan Allah gave him a wife, Allah Subhan Allah gave him a family. So this one dua the Musa lay some he met Allah subhanho wa Taala he

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gave him all these things today Subhanallah you know how many people call me and they say, you know, imams share, you know, we can you give us a dua that we need, you know, we want a house or we want you know, my son is looking for a wife, or my my daughter is looking for a husband. And so we you know, these, these was, I mean, these requests, they come so much, and we should memorize this dua because musasa made this dua to Allah subhanho wa taala. And he put his Tawakkol in Allah subhanho wa taala. And Allah subhanho wa Taala gave him all these things, urine, all these things. Now, the next thing that we learned so what we learned from that is memorize this do if you can once again

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this is Surah, CASAS surah number 28 ayah number 4024 is number 24. And he's making this dua to Allah subhanho wa taala, Robbie in Neelima, and Zelda, Ilya min height and *head. If we find ourselves in a situation where we need the help of Allah subhanho wa taala. This is a very beautiful dua that you can memorize. And you can read in sha Allah. Now the next thing that we learn also is that when these girls came back home, and they began to talk about Musala, Islam now a father is smart, the father is smart here. And he understands that when, you know, when they come and they're talking, you know, they're talking about this, then, you know, here, you know, the father

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understands that his daughter might be inclined, and she may have feelings for Musa alayhis salam, they are inspired and they they appreciate when wizarding Islam has done. So what did the father do? The Father has sent his daughter alone, to go and call Musa alayhis salam. Now why do you send one only one daughter, he could have sent both daughters pika sending out one daughter, you might be putting her in danger. But by sending our two daughters, you know, their team, their strong, why send only one daughter, because this is the father's way of examining and determining and understanding the level of religiosity and higher and modesty of the young man Masada has set up. So

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here this is what he's trying to understand. And what we learned from this is that when proposals come for our daughters, it is not. I mean, it is absolutely fine. There's nothing wrong in finding out what is his job, there's absolutely nothing wrong to find out, is he responsible or not. But if there's one thing that usually we tend to overlook, is the fact that how much religion does exist in his life, how much how good is his character, and when it comes to our dean, when it comes to the aspects of the and you just don't look at only a one or two things, you have to have a really good picture. Here. He's sending his daughter to go and call Mussolini's stuff and Musa Islam. He is so

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much so modest in his approach, that he's telling this girl he's telling this young lady, that you stand behind me and you guide me Where exactly is your house, because Musa Assam does not want to walk behind her. And he may have thoughts when he sees her walking so forth, he may have thoughts and so forth. You don't shaytaan is always there, or he may not have thought, but he's telling this young lady us you walk behind me and you guide me to your home. And this shows modesty of Musa alayhis salam. And this is why this was the father's way to find out how much religion does exist in his life. Because a lot of times we apply religion when everyone is around us, but when we are

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alone, and how much religiosity a person applies in their life, that gives you a really good idea how much religiosity does exist in this person's life. So this is exactly what he did. And so the so this is the very first this is another lesson for fathers is that when proposals come to you, there is you know, you look at you have to look at the religiosity also of the of the young man who's proposing to your daughter. The next thing that we learn is that when this lady she came and she told Musa alayhis salaam, that my fun I mean my father wants to you know give you compensation. You know, Lee edges, agile Massa Atlanta, Laodicea, agile Amasa Atlanta, you provide a service My father

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wants to reward you for that. Now Musa is not sit there and say, You know what I don't need

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To help over the mahalo I'm gonna rely only on Allah subhana wa Tada you know Subhanallah you know you find people today that they are in desperate need of help and someone comes to them and says, you know my friend my brother you don't have a job let me help you get a job. And I've seen people saying that no, no, no, no no, I'm gonna wait for Allah subhanaw Without to help me. I don't want the help of the mahalo well we don't realize is that you make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala This is Allah's help coming to you. This is Allah's help, I'm coming to you, you cannot expect that you want a job and you pray to Allah subhanaw taala and Jubilee that is I'm gonna come to you with a, you

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know, a proposal or a you know, it's gonna bring you some news about a job opportunity that has been open, that's not the way it works. We make dua to Allah subhanho wa taala. And sometimes Allah will send other people to us and to help us and that is how from Allah subhanho wa Taala today's Subhanallah we have a very skewed version of what Peloquin means. If you are begging that's a different matter, you should not be begging to begin with. But if you're asking Allah and Allah is sending you an opportunity, this is from Allah subhanho wa Taala at that time to say that, Oh, I'm going to be you know, I'm going to rely only on Allah subhanho wa Taala and I'm gonna, I'm not going

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to take the help of anyone else. That's absolutely wrong in a very, you know, that's a wrong way of thinking about the record. So this is why when you make dua to Allah subhana wa to Allah and Allah sends his hope, when Allah sends his hope you take his help. And when someone I mean when ALLAH SubhanA when another person comes to you says, Let me help you out, you take their help, because that is how that is coming from Allah subhanho wa taala. So that's the next thing that we learn is that never turn away. When someone wants to help you out. It is coming from ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada. The last thing that we learned is that when this when this person when Musa Hassan came here you

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have the father, okay, here you have the father, presenting employment,

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you know, a job opportunity, Musa alayhis, salam, and he accepts, and he's also offering his daughter's hand in marriage. See, what do we what we understand is that this girl, she's telling her father, that why don't we hire him. Now the father, understand the father is smart, that if we hire this person, then we have two non unmarried girls at home, and you have a random person working around the house, it's not going to work out. The father is smart, the girl is so modest. She's not saying that she wants to, you know, she probably wants to get married to him, but the Father understands. So the father is presenting that. So what we learned from this is that number one, a

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father needs to understand parents need to truly understand when their child are trying to drop hints to them. The next thing that we learn is, there is nothing wrong, or there is nothing wrong. If a girl wants to get married to a certain man, she sees that there's a man of o'clock and really religiosity and so forth. And she wants to marry him there is nothing wrong. If the girl and the family they propose to the boy today we see that as a taboo in our society. And we see this as Oh, the you know, the girl's family has no shame. And so far there is nothing wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong. If the girl is proposing to the boy, yes, it is very different from the culture that

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we live in. But there's nothing wrong in doing so. We also learned something very interesting to the girl is Arab. The girls Arab Musa is some is Yara, he's an Arab. He's not from that country. He's, you know, he grew up in Egypt. He's an he, you know, he comes from bunny story. And he's an Israelite. And her father sees no problem and then getting married. You know, subhanAllah just, you know, we see we hear stories, you know, how many youth they they have, you know, they tell other Imams, and so many of our youth are going through this parents are telling them, you have to marry a girl who comes from our country, from our city from our neighborhood. And when the child says no, I

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don't want to, you know what the parents say? I mean, I've heard stories where parents are saying, I disown you, I want nothing to do with you. I wish I never had you. I've heard stories like this, I'm not making this up. I've heard stories where parents are saying such, you know, derogatory things, and the child feels like he feels degraded and he feels bad about this. So it's important to understand that if you want to have those expectations, you can put them on your child, but do not put these you cannot enforce them on your child that you have to have to find a spouse only from our culture in our neighborhood in our you know, village and so forth. It is not part of the it is not

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part of the if they want to go find someone else to marry and they have good luck and then there's nothing wrong in doing that. And once again, the last thing is that there are two things that this girl

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Holy man, he was looking at musalla Islam. And there's in these are two things that we should always look for when it comes to employment in the hiring Minister Jonathan are we he has the ability and he is competent. Whenever we hire someone, do they have the ability? Are they competent doing what you want them to do? And number two is are they trustworthy? hydel Amin, they have to be trustworthy. So inshallah there are many things that we have learned today. Please, please share them with others there is so much that we have learned regarding gender and gender interactions and so forth. This is extremely important for all of us to understand. I ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to

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give us ability to learn from this May Allah subhanaw taala give us the ability to apply this in our life and may Allah Subhan give us the ability to spread this far and wide inshallah These are beautiful stories of the Quran, you know lessons and gems from the stories let's take them apply them in our life I mean herbal Allah mean, does that como la jolla salaam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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in LA Mussolini now mostly man do you want meaning I mean it will quantity now look on it. He was slaughtered in pain I was slaughtered in Poland he was slaughtered ina was slaving before she you know one on

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one for sharing I want to do one downside BP now one downside the party was on me now was all in.

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Wouldn't have you Lena photo gentleman won half the award the was that good enough? Guess

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what the guilt or I don't know who

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will enjoy