Nadim Bashir – GEM #05 The Prophet SAW Would Offer Condolences

			We're talking about the role model in Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and what an excellent
role model he was. And we're always talking about what he would do in different situations. Today,
Inshallah, I want to talk about a very particular situation in light of what we have been seeing,
you know, subhanAllah, I was talking to one of the brothers who is managing the affairs of the
graveyard. And he was telling me that even people there who are digging up the graves, they were
telling our community members that often the summer we don't see so many deaths within your own
community, but this year, in summer, so far, we've seen many deaths in your community and
		

			SubhanAllah. Even here at Epic, we've been having so many subtle Jeunesses lately, and not only
that, but so many other massages in the DFW area, you're seeing multiple Janaza is taking place on
different days. So in light of all the Janaza and in light of so many people passing away in our
community. The question is that how would Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam offer his
condolences to the family of the disease? How would he handle this kind of situation? So first of
all, is that there's a very beautiful story that we find from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, and this is when Jaffa or the Allah that he passed away he was killed in the battle
		

			Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam understood that what the wife of Jaffa Jaffa will will happen
or what how she may react when she gets the news that her husband has passed away. Of course at that
time, we know that there was no text messages nothing of that time. So Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam took his daughter Fatima Radi Allahu Taala on her as support that go and consoled the wife
of Jaffa. So as soon as the Prophet has said, I'm God to the house of Jaffa, he took the children of
Jaffa to the Allahu taala. And, and he put them on his lap. And he sat down with him and he began to
show them love. And he began to show them shuffle, and Lachman. And at that time, the wife of Jaffa
		

			came. And she inquired the Why are you doing this? Where is Jaffa? That is when Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he broke the news to John for his wife, that your husband has lost his
life in the battle. At that time, you can just possibly imagine what would be the reaction of the
wife of Jaffa, she of course she you know, she became very emotional at that time. And at that time,
the problem is something he said Fatima that go and take care of her and go and console her and be
there for her. And by the way, when it comes to offering our condolences, there's two things that
often we find one is comforting, comforting a family versus supporting a family. Now, if I ask you,
		

			what's the difference between between the two of them, you will say that there is no difference. The
same thing, if you're offering support a comforting is the same thing, but they're not the same
thing. In fact, many people they say, the better than comforting a family is to provide your support
to a family. What does that mean? It means that you can go to someone dies, what is when you go and
you offer your condolences, you tell them that you know, be patient, you tell them that inshallah
they will have a place in Jannah you say words to heal that broken heart to heal that wound that is
what your that is what Isaiah is you go you give them a hug, you say a few things of affirmation and
		

			so forth. But support is different support is helping them in their life support is when you find
out what is their needs, and you help them in their needs. And that is exactly what was Allah so
Allah while you Sam did in the case of Jennifer's family, he didn't offer just comfort words, but he
offered support. And he told Fatima the Allahu Taala on her that I want you to talk to the other
ladies in the community, and they should send food over to their home for the next few days. And by
the way, it is from these kinds of stories that we get the concept of what the meal train, you know
what the military is right? That when someone is sick, when someone has lost a loved one than people
		

			in the family, they understand what they're going through. So this is the kind of support we saw
from Rasulullah sallallahu it was sent them and not only that, but he also told his daughter Fatima
that helped them and everything that occupies them. And the ultimate they say that what that means
is that Rasulullah sallallahu is some is telling his daughter, that whatever things that they have
going on at their home, whatever task was ever errands that they have to run at their home, then
make sure you find people who will run their errands for them for the next few days. And this is
Subhanallah this is what you call support. And this is what we need to offer. Today we show up and
		

			Uzza we offer our words of comfort and we leave that is not what allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
did, what the Prophet alayhi salam did was he offered support and that is why it is very important
for us that when we go we offer that type of support. Now, there's very there's some important
things we have to understand when it comes to Eisah. First of all,
		

			As for the host, may times we see in different cultures that the host feels the need that I have to
prepare an abundant amount of food for all the people who are going to come and offer their visa.
First of all, for the host, you should never ever feel obligated that you have to prepare some food.
In fact, many orlimar are against it, many Sahaba were against it, and so forth. So because why?
Because this was putting unnecessary pressure on the family. The family as it is they're coping with
that grief as it is, on top of that they have the pressure to provide food for so many people is
unnecessary pressure. So that is why many people were against it. And this was, by the way, our
		

			practice many other previous cultures. So that's why they were against it. So first of all for that
host, if they want to prepare something, no problem, but they should not feel pressured. Okay. They
should not feel pressured, that if I don't prepare the food, what are people going to say, as for
the guests who come and they, they come to offer their condolences, or they come for Uzza if you get
something Alhamdulillah but if you don't get anything, and there's no food, probably water may be
provided. But there's nothing else besides water that is provided that we should never say anything
against the host. Because once again, this is not a time to put that pressure on the host. So people
		

			go and they said Where was the food we were expecting food and so forth. I've heard people say these
kinds of things. So once again, for the guest if you go there and you don't get anything, then this
is not a place where you criticize the host. The next thing is that what kind of a dua should we
offer? There's a very well known dua in the villa Hema wala Houma Alpha water cooler were cooled on
her in the Ruby agilely Musa fell tasveer was well doctor said that in the Lila Hema, Allah to Allah
subhana wa Taala belongs everything that he takes when a Houma alpha, and he has authority that he
can give whatever he wants, we'll call lunar in there will be agilely Musa, everything has an
		

			appointed time in this dunya in the knowledge of Allah subhanho wa taala. Faultless will that be
patient, my brother, my sister will talk the same and as a result of your patients expect that
reward from Allah subhanho wa taala. So this is a dua that we can recite we will we have found from
the from the prophetic sunnah. Now in addition to that, you can make any of the DUA May Allah
subhanho wa Taala give them praise and Jana May Allah subhanho wa taala, inline their grave and so
forth. The other thing is that as far as Isaiah is concerned,
		

			one is to call people to your house. If someone is hosting other people at their home for visa
purposes, they should always offer a time and create a time stipulation. And that means that for the
guest, they should honor that time, you cannot go to someone's house and say, I'm the guest, they're
the host, they should open up the door know if you're outside the timeframe that it has been
allocated for the entire community and for visitors than at that time. And if you're not showing up
at that time, then you should not be showing up at all, no matter who you are, no matter how close
you are to the family, unless you call them from before you tell them you let you let them know and
		

			they tell you Yeah, without any kind of reservation without any kind of pressure they say go ahead
and come no problem but we should always respect people's privacy at their homes and respect their
family time. However, I will tell you that in my own personal opinion, the best place to do this
Isaiah get togethers are usually the masajid because when you talk about the masjid, imagine if you
call someone to your home, someone may not know you, they probably will not come to your home. If
you do the other at the masjid. People who are walking by even if they don't know you, they will
come and they will offer their Azhar. So that's why it makes always more sense to do the Uzza at the
		

			masjid. Now a few more things that we have to always keep in mind. Number one is that when it comes
to the family who has suffered a loss, if there's any other families, I know them or people who know
those family members, then they should try to invite them or take them different places. Imagine you
know that someone has lost a family member. You're close to that family, you're going somewhere
probably for a one hour trip, take them call them Are you free, you want to come along with me we
can just chit chat. There all Ahmadi say that when it comes to disease families or families who have
suffered and last one for them, they should always get engaged and get busy with their worldly life
		

			in order to get their minds off of the loss. Because if you sit there and you think about the loss
over and over again, that is where shaytaan can come into the picture. So that is why many dogs are
of the opinion and they suggest that family should get involved with their daily life and continuing
their daily life and inshallah as they say, time is the best heal and hold
		

			For the inshallah as time elapses, they will they will be able to overcome the loss. The next thing
is else though that is also very important to find out is fight I mean find out what needs they
have, imagine they have small children, they come they bring their kids every single day they have
suffered a loss one you can step in and tell them, I will take your children inshallah to school, I
will pick them up from school, whatever you have. Inshallah, let me know, let me help you out once
again, this goes back to what I said about Rasul Allah Azza wa sallam, not just providing words of
comfort, but providing support, this is what support means. The next important thing that also has
		

			to be kept in mind is when you come together for foreigners, unless you know the hosts very well.
And you know them to a point that you know that if you ask them a question, they will not be
offended. In that case, you can ask otherwise, you should never ask that how did they die? What was
the cause of their death? They're already going through a lot. If they you know that you don't know
them that well, then you should refrain from those kinds of questions that how did he pass away and
so forth? Because if everyone comes, and everyone does ask them the same question, and they have to
repeat the same story, over and over again, is only going to create more difficulty for them. So
		

			that is why there is no need to ask them the cause of death unless you know them very, very well. On
a personal level, you know, that they will not mind at all. The next thing is, which is very
important. When you see people crying at an isaa do not tell them to stay quiet.
		

			This is something very important. We think that crying is somewhat wrong. Crying is against SUBUD.
It's not against someone. In fact, there were times when the Sahaba they said, we saw Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam crying like a child, were at the grave of his mother. We saw this is the
habit of the Allah on whom narrating what they have saw what they have seen, they saw Roswall some
crying like a child at the grave of his mother. There is nothing wrong if you cry. In fact, today,
even when most people go for counseling, they go for therapy and they cry, you don't see the
therapist saying Don't cry. They tell them go ahead and cry. Because a lot of times when you cry,
		

			the pain is the pain comes out. I've had many times women come to my office and cry men who have
come to my office and cry. And I don't ever stop them. You know why? Because they have so much pain
built up inside, that this is probably the most healthiest way of that pain coming out. So if you go
somewhere for Uzza, and someone is crying, yes, you can go and you know, pat them on the back and so
forth. Give them comfort, but to tell them to stop crying, because this is not right. This is not
right. Let them cry. Let them get that pain out. They need to get that pain out. They need to go
through that this is part of pain. This is part of every cycle of pain. So that is why if they cry,
		

			there is no need to tell people to stay quiet. The Providence southern will never tell people to
stay quiet. And neither should we tell people to stay quiet. And everything that's also very
important to understand is that we try to show up their homes based on their times to provide
emotional support. And finally, always try to bring up something that was positive about that
person. Like we I went on a tour yesterday.
		

			This was Brother Altaf and brother, hottie, their mother, brother of the homies mother in law passed
away. May Allah give her place in Jana. We went for the Isaiah He was telling me that what was her
salon? Like? What was her thicker like she was always engaged in thicker, she was always engaged in
solid and so forth. So there's nothing wrong and bringing up some positive aspects of their life and
talking about that and so forth. In fact, even Ibis Rhodiola Don says about himself, that when his
father passed away, Abbas, there was a Bedouin man who came and he said, some very, you know,
positive things about abbess Rhodiola. I'm the uncle the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and to
		

			which Ebro Abba said that his words were very comforting for me. So that is why the if someone comes
and they are inquiring, and they're talking about the deceased person, and this actually helps the
family, then there is nothing wrong with that you can always bring up some positive things and talk
about them and talk about what impact they haven't they had in the community, what the kind of
impact they had in your own personal life and so forth. There's nothing wrong if you do that in a
zap. So I just want to go through these things. But number one, the most important thing is the
story that I shared with you that how did Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was the best
		

			role model for all of us. He did not just go and offer words of comfort, but he provided comfort and
he provided support. That is where we're lacking in many cases. I asked Allah subhana wa to give us
the ability to become like Rasul Allah so Allah while you listen to exhibit, the o'clock and the
character of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam immunoblot I mean, what does that mean? Allah
Hi. Salaam aleikum wa Taala
		

			Are you able to catch up
		

			in LA Mussolini now almost Lima Do you want to know meaning Mina team will quantity now look on it
the more slowly been our slaw the bond the one Slav ina was Slavia rod the one before she you know
		

			what unforeseen I was watching I think one downside BP now one downside the party was slow on me and
I was all in
		

			one have you Lena photo gentlemen one half of what it was good enough. Guess
		

			what the guilt or? I don't know hula
		

			Eileen