GEM #05 The Prophet SAW Would Offer Condolences

We're talking about the role model in Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and what an excellent role model he was. And we're always talking about what he would do in different situations. Today, Inshallah, I want to talk about a very particular situation in light of what we have been seeing, you know, subhanAllah, I was talking to one of the brothers who is managing the affairs of the graveyard. And he was telling me that even people there who are digging up the graves, they were telling our community members that often the summer we don't see so many deaths within your own community, but this year, in summer, so far, we've seen many deaths in your community and

SubhanAllah. Even here at Epic, we've been having so many subtle Jeunesses lately, and not only that, but so many other massages in the DFW area, you're seeing multiple Janaza is taking place on different days. So in light of all the Janaza and in light of so many people passing away in our community. The question is that how would Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam offer his condolences to the family of the disease? How would he handle this kind of situation? So first of all, is that there's a very beautiful story that we find from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and this is when Jaffa or the Allah that he passed away he was killed in the battle

Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam understood that what the wife of Jaffa Jaffa will will happen or what how she may react when she gets the news that her husband has passed away. Of course at that time, we know that there was no text messages nothing of that time. So Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam took his daughter Fatima Radi Allahu Taala on her as support that go and consoled the wife of Jaffa. So as soon as the Prophet has said, I'm God to the house of Jaffa, he took the children of Jaffa to the Allahu taala. And, and he put them on his lap. And he sat down with him and he began to show them love. And he began to show them shuffle, and Lachman. And at that time, the wife of Jaffa

came. And she inquired the Why are you doing this? Where is Jaffa? That is when Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he broke the news to John for his wife, that your husband has lost his life in the battle. At that time, you can just possibly imagine what would be the reaction of the wife of Jaffa, she of course she you know, she became very emotional at that time. And at that time, the problem is something he said Fatima that go and take care of her and go and console her and be there for her. And by the way, when it comes to offering our condolences, there's two things that often we find one is comforting, comforting a family versus supporting a family. Now, if I ask you,

what's the difference between between the two of them, you will say that there is no difference. The same thing, if you're offering support a comforting is the same thing, but they're not the same thing. In fact, many people they say, the better than comforting a family is to provide your support to a family. What does that mean? It means that you can go to someone dies, what is when you go and you offer your condolences, you tell them that you know, be patient, you tell them that inshallah they will have a place in Jannah you say words to heal that broken heart to heal that wound that is what your that is what Isaiah is you go you give them a hug, you say a few things of affirmation and

so forth. But support is different support is helping them in their life support is when you find out what is their needs, and you help them in their needs. And that is exactly what was Allah so Allah while you Sam did in the case of Jennifer's family, he didn't offer just comfort words, but he offered support. And he told Fatima the Allahu Taala on her that I want you to talk to the other ladies in the community, and they should send food over to their home for the next few days. And by the way, it is from these kinds of stories that we get the concept of what the meal train, you know what the military is right? That when someone is sick, when someone has lost a loved one than people

in the family, they understand what they're going through. So this is the kind of support we saw from Rasulullah sallallahu it was sent them and not only that, but he also told his daughter Fatima that helped them and everything that occupies them. And the ultimate they say that what that means is that Rasulullah sallallahu is some is telling his daughter, that whatever things that they have going on at their home, whatever task was ever errands that they have to run at their home, then make sure you find people who will run their errands for them for the next few days. And this is Subhanallah this is what you call support. And this is what we need to offer. Today we show up and

Uzza we offer our words of comfort and we leave that is not what allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did, what the Prophet alayhi salam did was he offered support and that is why it is very important for us that when we go we offer that type of support. Now, there's very there's some important things we have to understand when it comes to Eisah. First of all,

As for the host, may times we see in different cultures that the host feels the need that I have to prepare an abundant amount of food for all the people who are going to come and offer their visa. First of all, for the host, you should never ever feel obligated that you have to prepare some food. In fact, many orlimar are against it, many Sahaba were against it, and so forth. So because why? Because this was putting unnecessary pressure on the family. The family as it is they're coping with that grief as it is, on top of that they have the pressure to provide food for so many people is unnecessary pressure. So that is why many people were against it. And this was, by the way, our

practice many other previous cultures. So that's why they were against it. So first of all for that host, if they want to prepare something, no problem, but they should not feel pressured. Okay. They should not feel pressured, that if I don't prepare the food, what are people going to say, as for the guests who come and they, they come to offer their condolences, or they come for Uzza if you get something Alhamdulillah but if you don't get anything, and there's no food, probably water may be provided. But there's nothing else besides water that is provided that we should never say anything against the host. Because once again, this is not a time to put that pressure on the host. So people

go and they said Where was the food we were expecting food and so forth. I've heard people say these kinds of things. So once again, for the guest if you go there and you don't get anything, then this is not a place where you criticize the host. The next thing is that what kind of a dua should we offer? There's a very well known dua in the villa Hema wala Houma Alpha water cooler were cooled on her in the Ruby agilely Musa fell tasveer was well doctor said that in the Lila Hema, Allah to Allah subhana wa Taala belongs everything that he takes when a Houma alpha, and he has authority that he can give whatever he wants, we'll call lunar in there will be agilely Musa, everything has an

appointed time in this dunya in the knowledge of Allah subhanho wa taala. Faultless will that be patient, my brother, my sister will talk the same and as a result of your patients expect that reward from Allah subhanho wa taala. So this is a dua that we can recite we will we have found from the from the prophetic sunnah. Now in addition to that, you can make any of the DUA May Allah subhanho wa Taala give them praise and Jana May Allah subhanho wa taala, inline their grave and so forth. The other thing is that as far as Isaiah is concerned,

one is to call people to your house. If someone is hosting other people at their home for visa purposes, they should always offer a time and create a time stipulation. And that means that for the guest, they should honor that time, you cannot go to someone's house and say, I'm the guest, they're the host, they should open up the door know if you're outside the timeframe that it has been allocated for the entire community and for visitors than at that time. And if you're not showing up at that time, then you should not be showing up at all, no matter who you are, no matter how close you are to the family, unless you call them from before you tell them you let you let them know and

they tell you Yeah, without any kind of reservation without any kind of pressure they say go ahead and come no problem but we should always respect people's privacy at their homes and respect their family time. However, I will tell you that in my own personal opinion, the best place to do this Isaiah get togethers are usually the masajid because when you talk about the masjid, imagine if you call someone to your home, someone may not know you, they probably will not come to your home. If you do the other at the masjid. People who are walking by even if they don't know you, they will come and they will offer their Azhar. So that's why it makes always more sense to do the Uzza at the

masjid. Now a few more things that we have to always keep in mind. Number one is that when it comes to the family who has suffered a loss, if there's any other families, I know them or people who know those family members, then they should try to invite them or take them different places. Imagine you know that someone has lost a family member. You're close to that family, you're going somewhere probably for a one hour trip, take them call them Are you free, you want to come along with me we can just chit chat. There all Ahmadi say that when it comes to disease families or families who have suffered and last one for them, they should always get engaged and get busy with their worldly life

in order to get their minds off of the loss. Because if you sit there and you think about the loss over and over again, that is where shaytaan can come into the picture. So that is why many dogs are of the opinion and they suggest that family should get involved with their daily life and continuing their daily life and inshallah as they say, time is the best heal and hold

For the inshallah as time elapses, they will they will be able to overcome the loss. The next thing is else though that is also very important to find out is fight I mean find out what needs they have, imagine they have small children, they come they bring their kids every single day they have suffered a loss one you can step in and tell them, I will take your children inshallah to school, I will pick them up from school, whatever you have. Inshallah, let me know, let me help you out once again, this goes back to what I said about Rasul Allah Azza wa sallam, not just providing words of comfort, but providing support, this is what support means. The next important thing that also has

to be kept in mind is when you come together for foreigners, unless you know the hosts very well. And you know them to a point that you know that if you ask them a question, they will not be offended. In that case, you can ask otherwise, you should never ask that how did they die? What was the cause of their death? They're already going through a lot. If they you know that you don't know them that well, then you should refrain from those kinds of questions that how did he pass away and so forth? Because if everyone comes, and everyone does ask them the same question, and they have to repeat the same story, over and over again, is only going to create more difficulty for them. So

that is why there is no need to ask them the cause of death unless you know them very, very well. On a personal level, you know, that they will not mind at all. The next thing is, which is very important. When you see people crying at an isaa do not tell them to stay quiet.

This is something very important. We think that crying is somewhat wrong. Crying is against SUBUD. It's not against someone. In fact, there were times when the Sahaba they said, we saw Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam crying like a child, were at the grave of his mother. We saw this is the habit of the Allah on whom narrating what they have saw what they have seen, they saw Roswall some crying like a child at the grave of his mother. There is nothing wrong if you cry. In fact, today, even when most people go for counseling, they go for therapy and they cry, you don't see the therapist saying Don't cry. They tell them go ahead and cry. Because a lot of times when you cry,

the pain is the pain comes out. I've had many times women come to my office and cry men who have come to my office and cry. And I don't ever stop them. You know why? Because they have so much pain built up inside, that this is probably the most healthiest way of that pain coming out. So if you go somewhere for Uzza, and someone is crying, yes, you can go and you know, pat them on the back and so forth. Give them comfort, but to tell them to stop crying, because this is not right. This is not right. Let them cry. Let them get that pain out. They need to get that pain out. They need to go through that this is part of pain. This is part of every cycle of pain. So that is why if they cry,

there is no need to tell people to stay quiet. The Providence southern will never tell people to stay quiet. And neither should we tell people to stay quiet. And everything that's also very important to understand is that we try to show up their homes based on their times to provide emotional support. And finally, always try to bring up something that was positive about that person. Like we I went on a tour yesterday.

This was Brother Altaf and brother, hottie, their mother, brother of the homies mother in law passed away. May Allah give her place in Jana. We went for the Isaiah He was telling me that what was her salon? Like? What was her thicker like she was always engaged in thicker, she was always engaged in solid and so forth. So there's nothing wrong and bringing up some positive aspects of their life and talking about that and so forth. In fact, even Ibis Rhodiola Don says about himself, that when his father passed away, Abbas, there was a Bedouin man who came and he said, some very, you know, positive things about abbess Rhodiola. I'm the uncle the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and to

which Ebro Abba said that his words were very comforting for me. So that is why the if someone comes and they are inquiring, and they're talking about the deceased person, and this actually helps the family, then there is nothing wrong with that you can always bring up some positive things and talk about them and talk about what impact they haven't they had in the community, what the kind of impact they had in your own personal life and so forth. There's nothing wrong if you do that in a zap. So I just want to go through these things. But number one, the most important thing is the story that I shared with you that how did Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was the best

role model for all of us. He did not just go and offer words of comfort, but he provided comfort and he provided support. That is where we're lacking in many cases. I asked Allah subhana wa to give us the ability to become like Rasul Allah so Allah while you listen to exhibit, the o'clock and the character of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam immunoblot I mean, what does that mean? Allah Hi. Salaam aleikum wa Taala

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