Nadim Bashir – Family Issues #10 – Money in Marriage Pt. 1

Nadim Bashir
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the responsibility of men in relationships and the importance of financial responsibility for both men and women. They stress the need for permission from the husband before spending money on one's own financial needs and the importance of trust in relationships. The speakers also touch on the topic of watching behavior and the importance of not being overly obsessed with money and not wanting to work too much during the marriage process.
AI: Transcript ©
00:00:00 --> 00:00:39

I want to cover something that has been I would say perhaps one of the primary reasons of divorces in many families and it is the subject of money and marriage. And I'm going to go through inshallah some things today and then next week inshallah we'll go through some other things and if you have any questions inshallah you can always DM me Inshallah, first of all, is that the very first topic I want to cover today is that what is the husband's financial responsibility towards his family, as highlighted in the Quran and the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. First of all, is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says, in a hadith, every one of you as a shepherd,

00:00:39 --> 00:01:19

could look them roaring war could look much older and Umrah Yachty he, this is a Hadith many of us we have heard every one of us a shepherd and he is responsible for his flock. The leader of the people is a guardian and responsible for his subjects and his people. A man is responsible for his family. And he is he's a guardian over his family and he's responsible for them. And a woman is the guardian of her husband's home and his children and she's responsible for them. So the Prophet SAW Allah while he was sent them currently mentioned that what is the role of the man he is the guardian and he is also responsible for his children. The woman she is also a guardian and she is also

00:01:19 --> 00:02:04

responsible to maintain the husband's home and the children. Now, keeping this in mind, when we talk about spending for a man for his family, how much does he have to spend? When we study the Quran? Allah subhana wa Taala makes it very clear in the second juris when Allah Subhana Allah talks about having children, he mentioned that that first of all, he says the How long does that breastfeeding process take place? And in that ayah Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, While mo Ludi, the Holy Spirit Hoonah were Kiswa to Hoonah Bill ma roof, this is a word that we will find many times in the Quran, which is Ma roof which is what is general what is in the odor for what is in the standard of

00:02:04 --> 00:02:47

society. Islam does not give us technicalities, Islam gives us principles. Just like when you see the math teacher, a math teacher does not teach technicalities. The math teacher teaches formulas when you're studying geometry, algebra and so forth. They give you the formula. Whenever you see a problem, you apply that formula and you'll get your answer. Likewise, Islam gives us formulas, but on simply said well guess what the one that build my roof whatever is the standard of your society, because every single person is going to live in a different society is that society may be a fluid it may not be a fluid, it may be hike, high class, middle class, lower class in terms of finances,

00:02:47 --> 00:03:00

then you have to look at your situation. Not only that, but in Sutala also Allah subhana wa Tada says the union ficlet looser it means Sati one put the raw lay he does. This is gonna work.

00:03:02 --> 00:03:42

Woman Dr. Li this boufal Yun Finkelman Mata hula, Allah subhanho wa Taala says that every person should spend on their family based on what is the need of the family and based on their own financial status. So once again, the Quran is telling us that when it comes for when it comes to a man spending upon his family, they should first spend on the needs of the family. And what that basically means is when it comes to the children, the children's basic needs, okay, taking care of them looking after them, if they have a wife that is staying at home, than providing enough money that they can take care of the child and the basic needs of the child that clothing they take care

00:03:42 --> 00:04:24

and so forth. When it comes to the wife, the husband is responsible for her clothing, for her lodging for her food, for her hygienic, hygienic needs and so forth. And also for her health, health for the kids health for her for her, this is the husband's responsibility, because in this day and age, these are things are considered as necessity. Now, once again, every single family is different. In some cases, a car may be necessity. In some cases, a car may not be necessity, but that is where we look at our family knees. And we make that assessment and also upon demand when his parents do become old and they don't have a means of a job or they don't have any means of earning

00:04:24 --> 00:05:00

money. Then in that case, then the brothers of the family our primary responsible to take care of them to take care of their of their parents. So understanding this, we now understand that what is the husband responsible for and what does he have to take care of? And it's also very important to also understand that when you study the books of FIP di is why in every single major books of FIP, you'll find a chapter known as Babel Khufu, what is Khufu, Khufu in simple terms is compatibility. So there are many areas of compatibility

00:05:00 --> 00:05:43

tip that a man has to look at before they get married. One of those areas is finances. Now, if a man, financially speaking, he's at the middle area he's in, you know, consider as middle class financially speaking, but he's gonna go and look for a woman who is financially more at you know, more, more in a higher class than he is that he has to also understand that he's going to have to spend more money to take care of her. That is why from a Khufu perspective, that may not be the best situation for him, may not be the best option for him. On the other hand, if a woman understands that I come from a very rich family, and extremely a fluid flam family, and I'm getting married to

00:05:43 --> 00:06:25

someone who does not have a very high income, that I myself, the woman has to also understand that if I get married, that I will have to lower my standards, I will have lower my centers. And I may have to be satisfied in some areas that I've not been able to, you know, I've not been, I did not have to compromise in those areas in my life. But once again, that is why a man has a choice, a woman has a choice, a woman cannot be forced into a marriage of like this type, where she is forced to make compromises and so forth. If she says that, well, this person does not come from a very fluid financial background, I don't want to get married to him, that's her choice. But if the woman

00:06:25 --> 00:07:08

says I want to get married to him, and she understands that financially, that family or that man is not where her father is, then she will have to make sacrifices. And once again, that is why we have Bible Khufu in place so that we understand these kinds of things prior to a woman or a man getting married. Now, the next thing is, is there a financial responsibility on the wife, especially if she's working, she has a job, and there are many cases have come across where she has a better job than the husband, she makes more money and so forth. So first of all, is that the thing to understand is the key thing is that she is not responsible towards her family at all. Okay, so I

00:07:08 --> 00:07:53

mean, that she is not required to pitch in into her family at all for the for the house expenses, and so forth. Meaning that whatever is the responsibility of the husband, she is not required to pitch in however, there is the you know, many of the alumni have talked about this, that there is nothing wrong if she does pitch in, in fact, many the alumni have said and they have stated it in this way, I'm going to try to put it in the best way possible, from the perfection of a woman is that she does give to her family, when she sees that her family is in need. And it is from the perfection of man that he does not force his wife to spend on his on the family means that the

00:07:53 --> 00:08:32

husband should not force her that she has to give to the family. And that's called the perfection of man. And the perfection of women also is that they should spend on the family when they when they when they see the family is a need. And by the way, subhanAllah we see that was happening in this day and age where there's a lot of selfishness that has come into the families, and especially when it comes to money, and SubhanAllah. For me, like I may be more of a traditional person here when I say this, but I have never ever believed in the idea that it's mine, mine and mine. When you talk about a family, when you talk about a husband and wife, you're talking about working with each

00:08:32 --> 00:09:13

other. It's all about teamwork. It's all about working in cohesion and working in, you know, you're working in sync with each other. So when the family when the woman sees that the family is in need I've seen I've heard cases before. And I've read about these kinds of cases where women, they say, Okay, fine, my family needs it, I'll give it but then she'll put that stipulation on her husband. Now once again, some the Ottomans say that it's her right? If she puts a stipulation, that's absolutely her right. But once again, we talk about a family it's a little different. For me, my understanding is that when it comes to the family, give inshallah ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala will give

00:09:13 --> 00:09:51

you Allah understands, but many times you find that they will put that stipulation I'm going to give you the family, but the husband has to owe that money back to me because this is my money, you understand. So once again, traditionally speaking, it should never be like that the woman should give if she sees that the family isn't needed. Imagine the husband has probably lost his job or probably they have been you know, jobs have been slashed. his paycheck has been slashed and so forth. She sees that the family is in need and there's taking time to make adjustments from a financial budget perspective. She if she has the money, step in and give them money inshallah. Now,

00:09:51 --> 00:10:00

the next question when it comes to women's finances is, is she required? Or I mean is she is she required to ask permission

00:10:00 --> 00:10:40

Shouldn't from her husband before she spends her money. And there's an extra laugh in this matter. The Hana biller and the Malkia they say that a woman is required to take permission from her husband before she spends her money. And based on what there was a woman by the name of Hydra, she was the wife of cabin Malik Rhodiola and she came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, she said that I have some jewelry, which I want to spend. And I want to perhaps either liquidate it and so forth. The hadith is not very clear about it. She the Hadith simply mentioned, she came up as a Salam with some jewelry, she wanted to spend some money of her own Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam asked

00:10:40 --> 00:11:19

her that that has caught your husband has he given you permission? She said, Yes. Rasulullah sallallahu is something in order to confirm he called Gabi Malika, the Allah Juan. And he asked him Did you give permission to your wife to spend this money, and she and he said yes, at that time, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he gave permission. So based on this, the Hanabi, that in the Molokhia, they say that a woman is required to seek her husband's permission, even she spent even before she spends her own money. The second opinion, which is the predominant opinion, which is the show off here, and the the 100. F is that a woman is not required to take permission from her

00:11:19 --> 00:12:00

husband, based on what they apply the PS or the logical reasoning based on the MaHA just like a Muhammad, the Mahara amount, whenever the husband gives them a heart to his wife, that it belongs to the wife and she can spend it at her discretion. She can spend it as she wished as she wishes, and she does not require the husband's permission in that situation. Likewise, when it comes to her money, just like a Maha does her money, her money, and she goes to work and so forth. And she wants to spend that money based on her discretion, then she can Inshallah, and that is why we see in many families, what's been happening is that sometimes the woman she's working, she wants to help out her

00:12:00 --> 00:12:28

parents, and she does help out her parents. But at the same time, once again, there are cases where the family is suffering her own husband, her own children's suffering, they don't have enough money to take care of their own basic needs. In that case, she should first spend on her family, if she's willing to give out she should first spend on her family. And at the same time, if she can give some to her parents or spend as she wishes, that is absolutely up to her. Now, the next thing is this.

00:12:29 --> 00:13:12

What happens in a situation when the husband becomes extremely stingy? And let me say this, I have been part of divorces, because I do, you know, besides, besides my primary responsibility here, I do also engage in divorce mediation arbitration, I have a license of arbitration here in the state of Texas. So what happens is that I've come across many cases where, one, as I said earlier, one of the key reasons of divorces in America is finances. And when you talk to a woman, a lot of times when they are seeking a divorce, when you ask them what has been the key reason, she they say that he is very stingy, he does not spend on the family. And this is where the trust is lost within a family.

00:13:12 --> 00:13:50

You know, when they're you know, we've always talked about this when it comes to marriage, that if if there's infidelity in a marriage, if there's cheating in a family, then the trust is lost. And then that is why there's a lot of divorces. But also when it comes to a financial perspective, there's this, you know, this is a reason why trust is lost within a family, that, that there are cases where the husband says I'm not going to spend on my family at all, he does not even spend for the basic things that they need the children need. But on the other hand, he will spend 1000s of dollars to send overseas to his family. So he's neglecting his family here, while sending so much

00:13:50 --> 00:14:31

money overseas, or that he has so many assets, he has the money, he has the money, but he's not willing to spend on his family. And he just keeps on investing, investing, investing, or number three is he keeps on buying things for himself. And he just buys and buys. But you will never spend on his family. That is where that trust is lost. And by the way, this is where a lot of times, women will come up with this idea, although it is a flawed idea. It is a flawed concept. And I'm sure you've heard this where many women they have said, you know, my money is my money and his money is mine money. You've heard this before. My money is my money and his money is my money. That's one

00:14:31 --> 00:14:59

also, but the question is that where did this concept come from? Right, what is concept or have come from? So first of all is that a husband is required to spend on his family? He should not be stingy as I said earlier, based on his based on his financial status and based on what is the need in order for at that time he should spend but when he becomes stingy, is the woman allowed to take from his money or not? This is where it becomes a contentious issue. And the reason the reason why it is a

00:15:00 --> 00:15:39

contentious issue is because there's a hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa salam. And once again that the hadith is that the that Hindi been taught by the wife, Abu Sophia, and she came to us Lhasa Allahu alayhi wa sallam. And she said that my husband, Abu Sufyan is still is a stingy man, and who does not spend enough on me and the children except for what I take from his wealth without without his knowledge, meaning that at that time, she probably had a credit card of his basically, okay, so she had access to his money, she would go and spend his money. And the Prophet SAW Allah while he was selling, what did he say in return? He said, that take from his wealth on a reasonable

00:15:39 --> 00:16:22

basis, only what is sufficient for you and your family, and for you and your children? This is what Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Now, many times people think that you know what, if this is what was while some said that I can go and take as much as I want, once again, what did was was or some say, in a case where the man has been declared stingy, he's not giving to the family. In that case, a woman is allowed to go and take what is sufficient, not extravagant, sufficient for her and her children. And this is something that where the issues begin to occur. So that is why for the husband, he needs to understand that I need to spend on my family, my family is a priority, and he

00:16:22 --> 00:17:01

should never be stingy. Otherwise, that is where the issues do occur. And by the way, I'm not going to get into this right now. But there's a lot of discussion amongst about this hadith, about this hadith and Watson's that did this fatwa of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was this in terms of Shetty on that this is a legislative rule? Or is this in terms of the province that I'm being a Adi in that particular situation? I mean that is this exclusive? Or is it inclusive? Is this very special? Or is it a general rule, many of the football ha have gone into this hadith and they have made, there's a lot of discussions about this hadith you can find in the books of FIP. Now the last

00:17:01 --> 00:17:42

thing is, which is a very important also topic. And that is that are women allowed to work strictly from a financial perspective are women allowed to work. And there are a few things that we have to keep in mind. Number one is, I always say that these kinds of things have to be discussed prior to marriage in this day and age. So if your children are getting married anytime soon, they should have this discussion. Prior to prior to getting married, when this is discussed. If the if the discussion is that the wife will not work and she will stay at home, then once the awkward Nicca has taken place, she should honor that. If the discussion and the agreement has been made, that she will be

00:17:42 --> 00:18:25

allowed to work, then after Ogden Nica, she should be allowed to work, she should be allowed to work because once again, prior to the marriage, this was the agreement. Now, let's just say if this subject, this topic was not discussed at all, then you have to assess the situation, then you have to analyze the the circumstances. So first of all, is that and the ultimate, they say that if the woman has no children, she is taking care of her domestic responsibilities. She's taking care of her husband's rights, and she's doing everything that she needs to do as a wife, and she wants to go out and work because she has not much to do at that time. That in that particular situation, if not, if

00:18:25 --> 00:19:03

none of her responsibilities and role is being violated, then at that time, and she wants to go out and work she should be able to she should be given permission to go out and work. Now. The other issue when it comes to work is that where is she working that has to also be observed? Is she working in an environment where there's always a lot of men and so forth? If there's a lot of interaction with the men and so forth? And are they the rules or the boundaries of Sharia, are they being compromised and so forth, those things have to be observed. If there are also many cases where women they've had children, that children are not grown up, they're teenagers. So have some perhaps

00:19:03 --> 00:19:37

I've got married, and they have moved on. Now this woman, she she's taking care of her responsibilities, she's fulfilling her husband's rights and so forth. Now she wants to go out and perhaps pursue a you know, a passion of hers. There are many women who go out and they study and they're teaching and they're doing some good, you know, in some way, they're just you know, they're fulfilling a passion of life of theirs. And it's within the boundaries of Sharia and so forth without compromising her role and her responsibilities at home, that in that particular case, there should be no hemorrhage and she does go out and work. However, the order might have also stated

00:19:37 --> 00:20:00

which is very important that imagine if there was a situation where prior to the marriage, the agreement was that she will not work. But then she says that she does want to work, okay, she doesn't want to work. Now in this situation. Two things can happen. Why does she want to go to work either number one is the husband has become extremely stingy. He does not want to spend or also

00:20:00 --> 00:20:39

This happens. And this is why it's not okay in our deen for the husband to keep on reminding his family how much I spent, I bought you this, I bought this, I bought you this about you this, we don't have to keep on reminding our families. This is why in the Quran, Allah subhanho wa Taala when he talks about even sadaqa, when you give sadaqa, ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala says, Man, none, voila, you don't keep on injuring the person, you don't hurt the person by reminding them, I give you a surprise and so forth. Likewise, when a man spends upon his family, this is also a sadaqa. It's a charity. Not that kind of charity. Don't misunderstand. But the point is that this is a man spending

00:20:39 --> 00:21:15

upon his family, ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala will return it to him. But at the same time, you don't have to keep on reminding the family. A lot of times when you keep on reminding the family over and over again, how much you spend, that the woman gets fed up, she says I rather just go and make my own money. And also when the husband become stingy, they want to go and work. But in that particular situation, if she does want to go and work and so forth, the Allamah have said that it is allowed for a man to say that, initially, the agreement was that you will not work. But if you're going to go and work, then on the condition that some of your money has to come and take care of the bills of

00:21:15 --> 00:21:53

the house, there is an agreement that can be taking place that can take place between a husband and wife. And the old man said that there is nothing wrong with that. So for example, if the husband says okay, yes, you can go and work. But for example, if the house is not clean, which is your responsibility, the house is not clean, then in that case, if you do bring a maid to come and clean the house, it will come from your paycheck inside. And that's absolutely fine. Or let's just say that if it's your primary responsibility to let's say, cook the food inside and in the family and you that they cannot cook and so forth, then if you have to order food, it will come from yours or

00:21:54 --> 00:22:31

you will give a portion of your paycheck to the house or it will take care of the household needs on a monthly basis, whatever agreement but the point is that the order they say that a man is allowed to put and come to some certain agreements with his wife, if the agreement was never there and to begin with, and now he is offering a concession or he is offering or he's allowing his wife to go and work and so forth, then these kind of stipulations could be put in place. So today inshallah I'm just going to cover these next week inshallah. There's some other questions related to finances and marriage inshallah we'll talk about them next week. I ask Allah subhana wa Tala to bring peace to

00:22:31 --> 00:22:42

our families may Allah subhana wa Tada keep our families united and we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to have Baraka in our finances. I mean, Obi Wan I mean, where does that come located? So tomorrow they can Martha Lloyd will catch up

00:22:44 --> 00:22:52

in LA Mussolini now almost Lima Do you want meaning me 91 quantity now?

00:22:53 --> 00:23:02

He was flooding again. I was flooding pond he was sobbing I was Slavia before she you know one on

00:23:04 --> 00:23:19

one for sharing I want to do one downside BP now one downside being party was all me now was all in

00:23:21 --> 00:23:28

wouldn't have you Lena photo gentleman won half the award the was good enough. Guess

00:23:29 --> 00:23:33

what the guilt or I don't know who

00:23:37 --> 00:23:37

will enjoy

Share Page

Related Episodes