Channel: Musleh Khan
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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. So today is an introduction to this enormous, enormous topic of gender interaction in Islam. You know, how do you interact with the opposite gender, that's pretty much what we're going to be talking about in today's session, we're going to introduce that subject. And then tomorrow is that is where we really get into all of the nitty gritty stuff. So first thing is that if any of you have questions about this subject, start thinking about those questions. Because tomorrow, I really want to make the session as interactive as possible, you know, it's going to be a Saturday morning, at
least where I am. So hopefully, it's a weekend for most, if not all of you, and we can spend some time so I'm thinking we can make it almost an hour session. I don't like to do it that long. But because the subject is so important, it's so misunderstood. There's so much mumbo jumbo about how to interact with the opposite gender, I want to hash out as much detail as possible, but even more so I would love to hear your questions. I would love to hear about certain cultures that you're exposed to certain habits when people say to you, oh, that's okay. I can shake somebody else's hand I can sit shake a man's hand or a woman's and what's the big deal doesn't mean I don't want to be with
them. I can stare at people the way that I want. I can sit beside the opposite gender when I'm riding on a bus when I'm in an elevator by myself. How does that even work? How does it work that if I'm you know, in an elevator is Shaitan, the third? How does that work? Now all of these nitty gritty stuff, where you get a ton of weird information. And you know, the problem with that topic is that sometimes it steers you to one extreme. So you become this completely ultra liberal person where everything is completely fine. You can hug anybody you want. You can you know kiss them on the cheek, you can be gone for dinner with them, you could do whatever and it's no big deal. Or you get
shifted to an ultra ultra conservative mindset, where when you talk to people of the opposite gender, you're like this, said Mr. equal? No, no. Okay. Are you still there? I can't look at you because it's hard on. You started developing that mindset, where you stand behind like a door or a wall or something. So we use the balance. How do you interact with the opposite gender? Like how does that conversation happen? What are some of the social standards on this subject? All of that we're going to hash out tomorrow, but in shallow Tyler, right now let's introduce the subject the way Sunita Newell introduces it. I'm not gonna pop out of the soda. So listen to how Allah
introduces the subject. Yeah, you will Athena M and O Muslims people have Amen.
Let's head Hulu 10 layerable ut comm don't enter a home. That's not your home. Wait a minute What? I thought we're talking about gender interactions. Why are we talking about visiting people's homes? Just listen.
A lot first brings up this conversation about engineering people's place of privacy. That's one when you enter someone's place of privacy which is for all of us our home.
We don't know the state of how people are in their homes and especially when you just show up at somebody's house and expect them to just
Open the doors. So now about the football, what a great surprise, it's not always going to be like that. So Allah is prepping us that Wait a minute, you don't just waltz into anybody's house unless you're invited unless they know. And if you happen to pop up there, you just you know, you're passing by the neighborhood. And so you just decide to drive in and you knock on somebody's door, or you just text them, Hey, I'm in front of your driveway.
Hold on, because there's some Islamic etiquettes. To keep in mind. And some kind of law, let me tell you, this is the litmus test for etiquettes. For all of us. If you want to test and see if a Muslim really has true genuine luck, then this is going to be one of the ways that the core and we'll test to see if your app is genuine, if it's real. So that's the first thing, it's a place of privacy. Number two, you don't know what people's moods are, like, you don't know what was the night before for the people living in this house, suppose the husband and wife had a big argument, and there's tension in the house, then all of a sudden, you show up? No surprise, and you're laughing and joking
around. You got to be considerate, you've got to be courteous to what people might be feeling or what's happening in somebody's home. So you can't just expect that when you're there that the red carpet is laid out for you. So this is a really interesting introduction to the subject. And of course, finally, because it's a place of privacy, you don't know, you know how he or she is dressed in the house. You know, it might take them some time to get themselves covered up or ready, or whatever the case is, the point is, they might be in a state, because it's their home, right, they have every right to be in whatever state they want to be. They might be in a state that does not
accommodate or allow any guests at that time. So those little in between privacy things. That's what Allah is talking about. So we're talking about that whole idea of consideration. Now look what happens next. So it's not your home, why don't you take him? So how do you get into somebody's house if you just suddenly show up? Because it's very common, right? People do that all the time. So two things have to step in. So number one, until you to step newzoo. So what's the best Stephanie Sue when it comes from the word is the nansen estate analysis to make a sound? So our version of assertiveness is you ring the doorbell?
Or you call
and back in the days solimar a comb? Anybody there? Let me teach you now or let me remind all of us how the Prophet it sought was saddam would visit someone's house. First thing he would do is that he would walk up if there was a door and he would knock the door if there was a curtain. He would shout, said Mr. Ma calm. Or you Salam or aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh is the process I sell him he's going to go all the way, right. So the first thing let's assume that he knocks on somebody's door, the profit on his little son would never stand in front of the door waiting for somebody to open. So he'll knock on the door. How many times did you do this? Three times. There are
several headaches, right? So the first time you like to,
and he would step aside away from the door, he wouldn't just be like this.
Looking try to look through the people Ah, me. No, he knocked the door. And he'll shift towards the side away from the door. So when the door opens, it look like nobody's there. But he's actually standing on the side.
suppose the person opens the door, and you see something you're not supposed to see. Remember, he just showed up at somebody's house, you know, you you don't know the state of the home, you don't know the state of the family. So you got to keep that in mind. You know, so often, so many cultures, just assume that they have this right? to just show up at somebody's house. And that's it. Everything should just accommodate their visit. No, the host has rights to and you'll see shortly that they have the right to literally shut the door on your face or tell you to get out. You'll see that in a minute. So in essence to make a sound give some kind of indication or alarm that you're
there the lecture they're now in the process. I send them a standing on the corner. Nobody answers the door. He'll do it again. To me he'll do this three times. After the third time if nobody answers the door. He saw the love it was sitting would leave. That's it. He would you know it's not our version like you ring the doorbell three times. Nobody
Answering. So you're texting you're calling you're calling their aunt uncle isn't so and so home. Where are they? I thought it would be home. It's a weekend. It's not work today, it's a holiday Come on, how come nobody's home? Okay, you're out in grocery, okay, I'll wait for you
know, leave. That's their health.
Leave the fact that if you call them or text them and they don't respond or their spine was so sorry, we're not home right now. You don't get to say well, okay, no problem, we'll just go grab a coffee and wait for you guys take a hit. They didn't say, Hey, we're not home right now. But stay right there, we'll cover coming don't go anywhere. They didn't do any of that. So you don't get to do that. I respect people's privacy. And you have to be considerate. We have to be a considerate, you know, group of people Muslims, like, that's one of the core beliefs of, of a Muslim. That's one of the core etiquettes as it were always courteous. You're always courteous of how others may or may
Second thing, what to send me more of that idea. And you say Salaam to the family that you're visiting? Let me ask you something. When do you say seller? When you're visiting somebody's home, when is the seller
done? After what?
After you enter or after they open the door, right? So this a is actually saying once permission is granted. So they open the door or they respond to that sound to the doorbell, whatever.
Then come stage to where? Okay, you got permission. Okay, you're now welcome. Now the next etiquette is say sell Mr. Legal. If you're visiting non Muslims, our version is say Hello, good morning. Hey, how are you do some kind of here, do some kind of greeting. Even if you don't say Salaam Alaikum. And it's a Muslim family. Hello. So nice to see you embrace be courteous and kind come Don't be like, I'm having such a miserable day. Do you mind if I just lay down on your couch for two hours? No, don't get to do that stuff. We don't get to do that at our own discretion. You know, if it's an emergency, or you were homeless for some reason, or you got thrown out of your house, whatever the
case is, that's a different scenario. Those have special fatawa. For scenarios like that. I'm talking just generally, generally speaking, look at the etiquettes man. Look at the etiquettes of handle law. So when you visit your fellow Muslim, you say a setup more and equal.
And even if they're not the selam type people, you know, some Muslims that I don't know why, you know, you ever walked like in a mall or grocery store, you see a fellow hijab or fellow Muslim, which by the way, we're gonna come to a little bit for tomorrow's discussion. Can a male Muslim say set out more they come to a female Muslim, right? Like, if you're just walking by in a mall and you see a hijab and you use a fellow Muslim, right? It's your sister in Islam? Can you be like said Mr. Lincoln's sister without getting punched in the face? Without being like, How the heck are you? Can you do that? But those awkward moments, we're going to talk about all of that. So my point here is
when you're entering somebody, okay, so now, permission is granted, right? permission is granted. So you got into the house, then you can hire a local MLA, I look into the Quran, Allah says that this, these etiquettes are much better for you. Hopefully, you'll sit there and remember them to the kettle, you'll actually remember. Now, a couple of points here, number one.
It doesn't restrict who you're visiting.
It doesn't restrict who you're visiting.
So you can't just go up to your parents home.
Because it didn't say unless it's your parents, then you can just waltz in whenever you feel like no, listen to your kids, you can waltz into their homes, everything whenever you feel no.
Love did not make any exception in the area. So what does that tell you? Even if it's your best friend, even if it's your own parents, your own family, you don't get to show up at someone's house. uninvited, you will have to give some kind of indication that you're there. Because why? Bay 10 comes from the word battery. And battery is a place that you go and you sleep in. Somebody's hotel room is their beta. There's no time period. So if it's just one night, that's my bait for one night, you can't just come at my hotel room and start knocking the door. I can't tell you how many countries I visited. Where it I would have flown for you know, 30 hours exhausted. No, I'm the kind
of person I'm sure a lot of you are like this as well. I cannot close my eyes for five minutes on a plane. So it is
Literally mental torture for me to fly. But I do it anyway, right? I mean, you want to do what you got to do, right? So when I get to a hotel room, and a lot of countries I visited, they all know this about me now, like when I get to a hotel room, let me rest.
Then two hours later, I said, I want to come
back, we want to take you on for dinner. Guys, I just flew for like, two days. Just give me a chance to recover. Oh, she have we have you scheduled for six lectures in the next three hours. The first lecture is a two hour drive though we have to go now. Okay, can I unpack all of these little things prior to love. So it doesn't, no exceptions. Even if it's your own parents, you don't just to get the waltz in there because you don't know. You don't know people's privacy, you don't know anything about them. leave it at that. Secondly, when we walk into somebody's home,
when we walk into somebody's home, now permission has been granted. Now you're sitting in the living room or wherever. There's also certain level of etiquette when you're just sitting in somebody's home, listen to it.
For Unlimited, you don't see how I had infinite Ted hudl How happy are you that akun Let's see if you go to somebody's house, but you don't find anybody there like so. So nobody's home. Unless there's just because you have a key you can't just walk in just because you know the code you can't just let yourself in. Nope. And again, Allah uses the same elects talking about the same or beta, or beta. So this could be somebody's dorm, this could be somebody's hotel room. It could be your own house, brothers and sisters, listen up, this could be your own home. This is one of the times where you're not even allowed to walk into your own house. Whenever you feel how, let me give you an
example. Suppose your wife is having a sister's get together a celebration, a get together of some sort. There's other hijabs and other women and other sisters that are there at the home. You're not to them, you've gone to work, you come home. And you've already known about this, you don't just get to walk me like so. Oh my god. So I'm like, I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm home. You don't have to do that.
Find out that Hello, how are you? Welcome. Don't you dare enter until you're given permission.
So you'll knock the door or you're called a condom. I'm on my way. Just let the other sisters know that like your husband's coming home now, right? Because why? Maybe they took off their jobs. Maybe they're just doing whatever the point is, there's no men around so they can do whatever they want. Right? So when you come now, even if your wife says, Okay, look, when you come just let me know, I'll open the door, just go upstairs. Don't come downstairs in the living room, because we're all here. That's it, that you just got permission now from her. And if the roles are switched, same idea how to respect people's privacy, some handle love. So unbelievable. These are the etiquettes that
are almost forgotten. That's why I titled this video. This is some of the most forgotten etiquettes in our own, one of the most forgotten forgotten etiquette, the courtesy of visiting people in their places of privacy.
When you let a commodity or furniture or if it's said to you, come back later. So come back.
So this is the host now after they said you said Salam ra Coleman here at the door as they kind of let you in. Five minutes later, after you're sitting in the living room. The host says you know what, look,
I just I didn't want to be rude. But so I let you in. But it's right now it's not a good time.
I'll let this and do none of that. You don't want to let this fake political Mojo. If it's set for you to come back later, father of zero, then you come back later. I'll let him put if it's said with if it's said to you, please. You know, it's not a good time. This is like the whole saying, Now right now. Maybe later, maybe another day. Thanks. Somebody come by.
You know what we do? You don't you know what, how we would react to that. Oh, my God, you're so rude.
I never visiting them again.
I thought it would surprise I thought to be happy to see us. But looking at we we even get a cup of water from them nothing. Forget them. No, no, no, no, forget you. That's their help. It's their home. They can kick you out of their house. And anytime you're going to add to this. You know how sometimes you'll have guests and they become completely illiterate to time when they're at your house.
And you're sitting there you're sitting there on the couch and you're like, yeah, my show law, you know?
Oh, yeah, I shall. Okay, great. Yeah.
Great, fascinating story. It's like to lay him and he's still there. Yeah, I wish we could have another cup of coffee.
Take a hint.
And you're not welcome. Don't come back until you are. Imagine if we practice these verses. Just imagine the reactions we get. People will cut you off because you're trying to implement your own help. This is your right ally gave. Allah gave you the right at your home so you can allow who and when to come in, and how long they should stay? how long they should stay. But when we actually do this in a courteous way, look, I'm really sorry. I love to see you guys. But right, that was a terrible time. Some people are nose Uh huh. No manners. No, no, you don't have any manners. It's not the host. They didn't do anything. They're just hope you showed up there and stirred all of this up.
So a lot is standing up for the people who are hosting unless signing up for them. These are etiquettes bang. These are like the best etiquettes.
Well, SK Telecom, Allah says not so much pure for you. In other words, you know how people respect that. When you're told to leave, you're like, Oh, I'm so sorry. So So here's the scenario. You come up to the house? You don't find anybody. And you know, they texted look, we're not home right now. You know, it's not a good time. You're like, oh, no problem. Thank you. Okay, I'll see you guys later. No, no worries. That's as good. That's, that's good. Unless saying, it's better for you, you would look so much better and feel so much better about yourself and the perception people have of you will be just as good or even better, they'll respect you for that.
There's one point.
I don't care.
How cultures perceive that. In my culture, we are the most hospitable people on the planet.
That that's irrelevant. If you still thinking you're not listening.
This is not about your culture. This is not about your community. This is about courtesy for people's feelings.
Every single human being despite whatever culture they belong to, they have feelings, or emotions go up and down. We have good days we have bad days. My point is not a single human being can foresee and think how somebody is feeling in their home. So if you think that this is still Oh, in our culture in our community, we're so kind and hospitable. We never have these kinds of ideas show up in anybody's house you want You're not listening to the a listen to the verse.
If you're the habits of people in any community is irrelevant. It has nothing to do with this. Allah is saying
when you're told to leave and come back then leave and come back. Allah didn't say except if you're some from culture so and so from country zones from community so on, so it doesn't seem nothing. So you gotta you gotta swallow that reality is my point. While love will be my temperament ordinary being Allah is fully well knowledgeable and has complete knowledge of everything.
Last area, Lisa Lee, come June and deadhead all Bhutan there is now here's the thing, suppose you go to a place, like let's say you go to, you know, a Walmart or a factory or even somebody else's house, but you work there, you know, their basement especially now in COVID times A lot of people have turned their homes into their places of work. Right? They might turn their basement into like, you know, an office. So they might have one or two workers that come in there. And they work there from nine to five from eight to four. So unless has liquid unless as they started, they come Jacqueline, Jacqueline, there's no harm for you, and tend to Hulu 10 of Langer on the scooter that
if you enter commercialised property, places of business, that's okay. You can enter those kinds of places. So if you have a card, if you have a code if you have a key, and you've got to enter a factory, a place of work at 2am in the morning, but that's your job. That's a separate issue. And alum makes it very clear. It's a separate issue.
We have Metatron lucquin that it's there for you for a temporary period Metatron it's temporary it's just for a period where you're using that property or that place. That's all okay.
Well love We are meant to be doing a woman to a levels which are concealing and what you're making obvious and apparent. So if you're pretending you work there
pretending you have business there. Eliza's like I know, don't worry, I know exactly what you're up to. Now, last point, and we're done. What does this have to do with the introduction to gender interaction? Well, very simple. You walk into somebody's house, you find some people do this. Check this out.
somebody walks into your home, right? And you're sitting, and they start doing this.
So you shop at one more time.
Well, those are those are, those are that's a nice door over there.
You make your own stuff, don't you? Or like, Can I use your bathroom? So you go into bathroom? start opening all the cupboards Oh, you use Gillette Hey, oh, I said, Why
don't you start like, scanning like you're the Terminator or something. You just start scanning everything in people's homes. So hello, okay.
You get your carpet From where? From the grocery store? Oh, yeah, I my carpets at home. They're all handmade from Persia.
So many people do that.
They walk in, and they start assessing and analyzing everything you have
the color of your wall? Why don't you painted that color? We have so many pictures, or some of them. You ever find like the hot on police walking into your home?
You have a picture of a cat on your clock. That's so helpful. The Prophet Allison was
just like God, you think you'd ever invite somebody like that to your house again, was like, No, you don't get to enter anybody's home without their permission. And if they don't want you there, they have the right to kick you out.
The whole point of all of these etiquettes is to is to start controlling this.
Start controlling what you say even when you're in somebody's home the courtesy of don't start staring in the kitchen, because she might still be in there. And she might be wearing something you're not supposed to see.
You don't get to say, Well, she should know that there's guests here. No, it's her home men, you should just keep your eyes to the floor and be quiet.
Stop staring at everything in that hole. You don't get to do any of that.
Let's head to Hulu technical hire Roku TV, don't ever enter somebody's home that isn't yours, period. A lot of respects people's privacy in their homes. So what's wrong with you? I can't you do it. That's the whole point here. A lot is courtesy to people's homes and their privacy. So you have to do the same. Now, with that being said, tomorrow's verse is going to talk more about when somebody's sitting in there and they're looking all over the place and are looking at you know, everything your paint on the wall, that kind of furniture, you're still there, there's talking about everything, how to keep that all under control. And that's going to get us into the nitty gritty. I
promise you guys inshallah tomorrow.
If you have never studied sooner to know, it will blow your mind how Allah talks about gender interaction, it will blow your mind. You're just gonna be like, whoa, oh, my God.
That's how simple that is. That that's how straightforward the poor and is. And you're going to see the poison of how culture can
clutter, your judgment, clutter your understanding of how to interact with people.
Yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna just iron out all of that. And it's just gonna bring clarity to you in your life. It's going to make your life so much easier when you go to the grocery store. And if the manager was, you know, walking by, you know, opposite gender, it's just like, Hey, how are you, sir? Welcome to you know, whatever. And you're just like, thank you. And you're just walking away. And she looks at you and is like, Man, these Muslims, they're so different are so crazy. You can eliminate all of that and still preserve your deen. You're still going to preserve your deen. I'm going to teach you how to do that in a civilized and a dignified way. That Subhana Allah, you're
going to love it. You're gonna love it. And Shalom, Tara, I promise you when we stick to the poor end, and so now all of our struggles and all of our problems will go away.
All of us everything will everything just becomes that much easier. What a lot you haven't. So with that being said again, tomorrow is going to be a longer session about 45 minutes to an hour, but I really want you to ask your questions.
I really want you to get out all of the different scenarios about interacting with the opposite gender, throw it in the comments, and inshallah I'll get to it. I'll get to it. Okay guys, so just like malo heighten I wish you all the blessings and botica vo majorna that you reap the rewards of this day that you reap the butter cat in its time, a lot so which I'll accept from us our efforts, particularly on this day of Yom Yom we move out of the day that is blessing, a loved one I mean, which is optimal level height and metalizer which will bless you all and take care was said Mr. alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato