Life with Children #19 When it’s all said and done

Salam alaykum. warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim, Al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah He of total sada woman Weller. So let's get right into this. We are in the 19th installment of life with children. And today, actually, we're going to go right back to sort of look, man, verse number 33. Now, when all is said and done with respect to your kids, you've given them all the advice in the world. They've grown up, they've matured, they've become, you know, adults now. And they have now started their own life. Some of them probably get married and you know, start their own families. There is one parting advice that look man alayhis

salam, or excuse me, suta Look, man leaves us with Keep in mind this Sora a large chunk of it was devoted to a father advising his son. So there was a lot of conversation about nurturing his child, advising his child giving direction, giving good advice, all of the things that parents we do when we're trying to instill good morals and principles in our children. But verse number 33, which is almost at the very end of pseudo Lockman Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Yeah, evenness. It took a lot of tacoman so Alonzo Mitchell says yeah, you oneness. It took a lot of Belkin walks show Yeoman agency worldly donor and whether they are weather mo luden, who adjust in our own world he she in

the law, he helped. Let's just pause there for a minute. All Mankind. Yeah, you oneness. So keep in mind, this was between a father and son sooner Look, man, now, at the end, Allah is speaking to all of mankind. All parents out there, all families out there. So Allah says, Yeah, a humaneness. It took a lot of Beckerman, be conscious of your Creator, walk show Yo, mela agency, well, you don't earn well at what am Odin who wedges in and where did he Shay. So be fearful of the day meaning the Day of Judgment, be fearful of a day where a father cannot help his son, and the son won't be of any avail or help to his father. You know, what's amazing about this particular area, we just went

through a bunch of verses of a father showing love concern, care and protection for his son, then almost the last a, Allah subhanho wa Taala is pretty much separating the two. And basically reminding Oh, by the way, Dad, you can't help your son on the Day of Judgment. And son, you can help your father either. And I just think to myself, that is just unbelievably remarkable that how the shift in terms of the message that the sort of began with and what it's ending with. And so here's the here's the lesson for all of us. This is probably one of the hardest moments in parenting, where you are going to have to pretty much say to your kids or show your kids, that your job as a parent

is done in the sense that you can't always be there for them. You can't always hold their hands, you can't always drop them off and pick them up, can always be there for them anytime they're in trouble. But especially now that they've matured, and they've become adults, one of the hardest things to say to them is son, you're going to have to figure this out on your own. You have to say to your daughter, I know you've you know, confronted Islamophobia and hate, but you're gonna have to like figure out a way to respond to that and to be able to handle these things. Because it's, it's a part of what life is. And now you're old enough to understand that you're old enough to experience

those things, which are even wiser and more mature enough to be prepared and to respond in a way that you can protect yourself. Now, it's a really difficult thing to do. And some parents, they say, that's something that they could never do. Sure you give your kids responsibilities, but at the end of the day, you're always going to be to be there for them. Whether your kids are 56 years old, as long as you are alive as a parent, you're going to be there for your kids, but also for the kids. The the message in this a is also towards you and your parents, you cannot always depend on them to do everything for you. And especially where we live in Western culture and society. Generally

speaking, people mature very slowly here, in the sense that you'll still find like a 35 year old, you know, who can't even do his dish his own dishes and can't even take care of basic chores in the house. Cats service parents, like those are things that are more than just gradual, they either take forever, they just don't happen at all. And so when you keep all of these factors in mind, for you kids out there, it's a harsh reality to understand that you can't always depend on your parents to do it.

All to be there for you each and every time. And especially for the kids that who are married. I know that it might seem like the default thing to do that when you're married and you have marriage problems, you go back to mom and dad, and they should be able to intervene and solve everything. Most parents are not counselors, most, most parents don't know how to cancel issues with marriage, especially when it pertains to their own children, it's very easy to refrain from being biased to your kids, because it's a tough pill to swallow to just be just unfair, although that's the right thing to do. And then secondly, if the kids don't ever run into any other issues, financial issues,

if they feel lonely, depressed, etc. Going back to parents and placing additional additional responsibility and burden after they've raised you, and you have done all of these things for you, then Subhanallah this area reminds us that, you know, at the end of the day, we all have to be mature enough and take responsibilities for ourselves. At the end of the day, as long as we you know, grow and we mature as adults and we are ready to battle life. So we're at whatever that phase or that stage of your life is. You have to be able to tough pill to swallow, you have to be able to say to yourself, okay, I can't always depend on mom and dad to do it all for me. And I can't always

depend on my kids to take care of me to look after me to come to financially support me, because they need to have their own life as well. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala continuously says, follow to hold run neck whom will hire to dunya. While your whole run no comb, Bella Hill horror, but Allah subhanaw taala now says, Don't allow this world to deceive you the life of this world to deceive you. To hold run, no confirm or rule means like a deception. It means like something you think will last a long time, but it ends up just for a short period of time. And it could be some of the most trivial things like you, it also refers to things that you you you depend on, but you shouldn't

depend on them. Because you're going to be let down at the end of the day, it's going to be broken, it's going to be destroyed or it's going to leave you alone. That's all called hold or so it's a level of deception. Allah is saying that don't allow this worldly life to deceive you in the sense that you're going to be here forever. You're going to recite here, all those things that we know part of our Deen of just getting addicted to worldly life. Allah subhanaw taala calls that addiction calls that connection. When you think and feel that this is the permanent place to be a look calls that hold on. It's a kind of deception. You think it's there, but it's really isn't. So what does

this have to do with parenting? At the end of the day? And then this again, really difficult to say that when you think your family, you think your family are going to be around forever? Slowly but surely each member of the family will leave we'll leave this world. And Allah subhana wa teilen concludes and he says, Well, are you gonna come Villa hellhole? And don't you ever for a moment allow deception? To deceive you, in front of Allah your connection with Allah. In other words, it's talking about since it's talking about child theme. In other words, don't allow yourself to fall into mistake error and sin to the extent where you are also deceived by Allah's existence. So

perfect example of that is during this pandemic, lots of people, including some Muslims, are saying things like, why would Allah do this? How could Allah allow a plague and shut down the entire world? Now we're at the brink of a potential depression. In some countries like this is just getting worse and worse, even though despite the the virus might be getting a little better. And we're slowly starting to get away from that. Who knows what's the future, who knows, in the next year or two, what's going to happen, and some kind of luck. Those are the moments where Allah is referring to, especially as a family, these are one of the priorities that you teach your family is that don't get

too caught up in life, that you do your best when you have money, spend your money in the right things. Don't just hoard things all the time. If you have savings gifts, some sadaqa spend for the sake of Allah. And if you're making money, and you're doing your best to make money, make money in the head anyway, don't get attached to just taking as much of worldly life as possible. Because ultimately what that would lead to, if you are deceived by worldly life, you will ultimately be deceived by the existence of Allah subhana wa Tada. And that's the connection here. So if you find yourself that your kids just are not taking life seriously, they're not maturing, they're not

fulfilling responsibilities. They're not showing that they can be independent, then ultimately, what that will lead to is that dependency will always be there on you. So you're gonna have to figure out a way to be able to separate that for a little time, give them some responsibilities, responsibilities, and we talked about all of this in some of the previous installments, about giving your your kids things to do

treating them like the Prophet Allah Azza wa sallam said that once they reached a level of maturity, meaning once they hit puberty, you know, once they hit that stage, so that could be between 13 some scholar set till 15 years old point is that at early teenage years, treat them as an adult, talk to them as an adult, give them responsibilities, and some kind of lump when you factor in all of those things. It really puts into perspective, just how we're supposed to mature and how Islam encourages us to be responsible at a very early age. Because why we're not going to be here forever. And don't allow sin and mistake to deceive you Why? Because we're all going to return back to him. subhanho wa

Taala. What EULA hiromasa, he's the ultimate end. And so the this conclusion of this particular surah, after a large portion of it was devoted between a father and son is just remarkable, in the sense that there is a limit to our parenting, there's only so much that we can do. And Subhanallah when you're a parent, that's a really difficult reality, to come to grips with. Because you always want to do everything for your kids. It's what a parent does, we always want to be there. We always want to serve. And we always want to protect and we always want to be able to advise. But sometimes we're going to have to just let our kids figure it out. And kids, your parents are not always going

to be there. They're not always going to be there for you. And it's just a matter of time before we lose each other. And so this particular verse, When Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us to really fear and be conscious of the day, the day of judgment. That's where our reality should be. That's where our focus should be. That's what we should be thinking about the most that at the end of the day. I need to do what I have to do to prepare for such a day. And my mom and dad are not going to be there. As a matter of fact, our Prophet alayhi salatu salam even told us that on the Day of Judgment, people will be saying FC FC even your parents will be saying FC and FC. Yo may have

fiddled with model min FA what will me hear what Abby will Sahiba to hear what anyone will see. Let me let you to Allah subhanho wa Taala says not just in sort of others, but also inserted to the modular, that on that day, the companion will run away from their friend, the parents will run away from their children. Everybody will be running away from one another. So yeah, on that on that day, we could possibly see our own parents, and we'll be running to them mom, dad, we're here let's stick together and they will just say to you Neff CFC. No, no, no, no, no son, I'm going to be here. I'm by myself I'm going to I can take care of myself do you just go and deal with your own problems?

You're on your own. As a matter of fact, Violette de mucho de Mola, we have to demon either be yummy even be Benny. Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us now on the Day of Judgment, there will even be some parents that will run some their own children to protect themselves from the fire, or let take my son take my daughter, I don't want to go there. So it's a really, really tough, tough reality to come to grips with in the sense, this reminder is not an easy one. But it's a reminder that has to be there the reality that we're going to be separated from one another. I can preach this stuff, I can say it, but deep down inside of me. Yeah, it does. It does saddened me to an extent, to know

that, you know, we're all going to be separate from one another, I'm going to lose my parents, my parents will lose me. And we're going to lose each other. And it's a sad thing to reflect on and think about. And this is what constantly in the poor and hundreds of times throughout the Quran, Allah keeps reminding us of the Day of Judgment, don't forget about it, it's going to happen, we're going to be there and we're all going to have to account for ourselves. So this is what today's short reminder on life with children or family life is all about. And I pray that Allah subhanaw taala gives us the strength that we get through each and every day together as a family and support

each other, look out for each other and do all of the things that we need to do in order to survive both in this worldly life as well as survive so that we have a prosperous good life in the alpha in sha Allah hotellet a lot of them I mean, with that being said, some of you asked me about their aid. What can be done as a family when it comes to either listen, you can do everything. Wake up as you normally would wake up in the morning, get dressed, take your shower, do all of that stuff. Maybe you don't have to go full fledge and just completely decked out in everything that you would normally wear. But at least wear something decent wear something nice. Remember keeping keep in mind

all of these pseudonyms, keep in mind all of these sunette acts for for waking up and 14 so wearing white perfume, showering, tried to wear some of your best clothing, so at least wear something decent. Secondly, pray the solitude or eat as a family. The hookah is not necessary. So you can simply just tune in online if you want to get a short reminder. You can even what I would like to what I'm thinking about doing is that when we're done the prayer at my house, I'm thinking just to turn that into more or less

conversation, more or less just a family will be sit there and just kind of think back, reflect on what Ramadan has been like and just turn the reminder into more or less a conversation amongst the family. For those of you who have young kids turn it into a storytime but the point is make it something meaningful, not just pray and everybody just go eat. And that's the end of that. also share some gifts. Try to buy some gifts, do the normal traditional things that we usually do in the sin acts that we usually do. Try to go out if they're places open near you try to go out even if it means just go to the coffee shop as a family, but just go out, do something together, fire up the

barbecue, whatever it is, but just make the day as fun as enjoy joyful as possible. And inshallah I hope and I pray that we all have good spirits on that day. I gotta admit, it's gonna be a little depressing. Read is about being with the community. It's about being with each other. And just this year, we won't have that but in sha Allah, Allah knows best allies, the best of planners, and inshallah this will be a good experience for all of us. So Take care everybody May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you all. Just like Melo. Hayden said Mr. They come to LA to better care to