Life with Children #13 Be Nice to Young People

Musleh Khan


Channel: Musleh Khan


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The importance of inspiring children to develop personalities and providing support for parents and children is emphasized. The speaker discusses the negative impact of calling children by "one word" on their identity and how young people are treated in massage, including brooms, vacuum, garbage, and brooms. The importance of empowering young people to develop their own skills and not just giving them the tools and resources they need to develop themselves is emphasized. The speaker also encourages parents to be direct and clear in their speech to avoid flaws and holes in words.

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Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu misma level of manual Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah welborn. So this is part 13 of our series life with children. So let's get right into this. Today, actually, a lot of you messaged me about the whole relationship between parents and kids, and how you can continue to encourage them, teach them Islam, and just overall encourage them to be the best human beings possible in every capacity. And is there something more things in the end that we can look at to help inspire your young people, young adults and our children in our families. And as a matter of fact, there are so many so today I want to bring your

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attention to a soda that a lot of us don't think about when we talk about kids. And that's suited to Nisa, sort of 10 Nisa is the fourth chapter of the poor end. And it's actually one of my personal favorite soldiers of the entire quarter. And for many reasons, it's one of the soldiers that I've taught several times. And every time I teach it, I feel like I've never taught it in my whole life. It's so comprehensive, and it's just such a beautiful soldier. And one of the things that makes sort of nice, so beautiful, is literally within the first, I would say maybe 35 to 40 versus 35 to 40, versus a large chunk of it is all about kids. It's about protecting young people, protecting the

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wealth of orphans, protecting orphans, and even protecting the food of orphans. But I want to bring your attention to something really interesting that happens in disorder. And we're going to fast forward to verse number eight as well as verse number nine so verse eight and nine of suta nice I listened to it. Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us what either held out or a piece of metal oil report about a while yet Emma well Miss keen photos of hoo hoo Min wakulla cola myrtleford then the next verse well yaksha Levine Allah otaku min healthy him d a town where half Wiley affiliate double La Jolla kulu. Poland said either

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you know what I'm going to add the next day because it's part of the same discussion in a Latina coluna. And why the near term of woman in ma coluna? Female Tony him nowra. What's your slowness? Sorry, you're wrong. So you have verse eight to 10. So let's go through this, because this is going to really help us to gauge our, our response, our attitude, our approach, and the way that we want to encourage the people in our house, the sons and daughters that we have to encourage them to develop an identity and Islamic identity, to be proud of themselves to be proud in life, all of the wonderful positive things that we want. So what is that held on this meant that if they ever are

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present at a pixma, the word Peacemaker refers to a place where during the time of the Prophet armies, particularly in the meccan phase, orphans used to gather and people who had large amounts of wealth use to gather in a place. So it was kind of like a Wealth Center. And what they would do is that they would sit there and discuss who will get what, in terms of the additional resources, food and supplies, and they would distribute this stuff for free. So what would happen is that you had orphans, people who were caring for orphans that would show up at these gatherings. But then you also had children that didn't have no guardianship whatsoever. So they were part of this pyramid,

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this gathering. And they were just hoping that they could get something like some left over supplies, leftover food items, and they would be able to carry with something they could survive off of that. So Allah says will either help out a prisoner or a portable way timer when may 2, so three categories if who is entered this gathering, and who's present at the piston, they are your relatives, or they will pull back so people that are close to you, so relatives is number one, what are the aterna orphans, one of them is second, or just generally people in need photos of home. The first thing is Allah says provide for them. In other words, give them something. So here's our first

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lesson in terms of our whole Tobia and life with children. Basically, at the end of the day, one of the rights that children have over parents, and this is going to be one of our topics as well as I'm going to go through all the rights inshallah, that children have over their parents, like they can demand the stuff from the parents and it's hard on for parents to take this away from their kids. And one of those things is they have the right to be provided for that they should be able to get the things that in whichever culture or society you live in. That is

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considered to be the basic needs of a kid so that they can live a normal life, including whatever exception. So if they have special needs, or medications and other things, that's all part of normalizing what it is that they need in order to live a normal, healthy life. So what is considered to be normal, where I live may be different from where a lot of you live. So just keep that in mind that culture and the what the norms of society varies from place to place. So photos will pull them. So this first lesson is that we provide for them the tools that they need, the encouragement, they need, the inspiration that they need, in order that they could start to develop some sense of

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identity. So how do you do that? Well, first and foremost, brothers and sisters, especially the parents, you have to make sure that regardless what age your children are at, so we're talking to young kids, and we're talking to young adults, and even mature adult kids that are still under your responsibility, you must make sure that they have some kind of routine, when it comes to Islamic Studies. You know, it always boggles my mind that we trust our kids to go to school, seven and eight hours a day. And when you're in college and university, it could even be longer than that. But to get them to go to one class a week at an Islamic Studies Program, or the mustard or something or be

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part of an organization that can help encourage them and, and influence them and teach them basic Islamic Studies is always such a challenge. It's such a difficult thing. And sometimes those challenges come from the parents, where they say things like, you know, I don't want to put too much pressure on my kids. It's okay. They're good kids, they're studying, they're doing well in school, or it comes from the kids where I don't have time, I'm overwhelmed. I need to concentrate on school right now I need to concentrate on my life. I don't need to do that right now. I'm a good person. So it can come from both angles. With this a is telling us is that at the end of the day, when it comes

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to people in need, as long as they are present, give them something but other than that, the general rule of thumb that we extract from a yet that might seem very specific that might seem that there's a specific context, there could be but However, that doesn't relieve the idea or the fact that we could still relate to the verse in our own way. So think of your home with your with your parents and your children as a pismo, a spiritual type pismo where you're home. You're, you're you're responsible for these people, and you have to provide for them. So your daughter, she says, You know, I want to go to a class, I want to go to a Masjid, I want to go enrolled in a program,

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parents, that is there help that if they want to learn their Deen, that we should facilitate that for them. And, you know, facilitating and finding the places with the right programs is a separate challenge by itself, which I will get to in one of these videos in sha Allah will how we in terms of community, leadership, etc. What we have done or not done to contribute to the challenges of trying to encourage young people to develop their identity. We've contributed to that as well. But I'll come to that a little bit later. So that's the first thing is fun as the old one. Make sure that you provide for them. Remember, risk is not restricted to just monetary things. It's not restricted to

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materialistic things. It's also that you words of encouragement is that is when people find strength in words in presence. That in and of itself is a type of risk. And Allah subhanho wa Taala constantly does this in the end, when they're inside he said them was was born con in near Abdullah 10 el keytab what jaren any nebia you see how Allah provides for him all the tools that he needs? soon as he's born? He says I'm a slave of Allah technial keytab he gave me the book with Jared and he nebbia and he blessed me to be a prophet. What's your island the Mubarak and ain't Mr. Quinn and he made me bless it wherever I am. That's Allah subhanho wa Taala is the blessing in and of itself.

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Is it just a materialistic thing that he said, he said, Mr. Jesus peace be upon that he had no, his presence alone. His presence alone was blessing. And that's like how Allah subhanho wa Taala encourages, encourages and inspires people that even if you have nothing in your hand, the fact that you are alive is blessing enough. So for our families and our children, we've said this before the fact that you were still here, and you're listening to this and you're able to wake up each and every day is a lovely way of showing you You still have time. We still we still have time that if we struggle

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To provide the tools, resources and places that our kids need, in order to develop that Islamic identity, as long as first thing, photo is a cool one, then Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us something so remarkable, which is going to take us to the end of this video. Listen to how alesse stands up for young people in the Quran, he says to to us, well, who do we let them so those who are in need, whether there be your, whether they be the needy, when it comes to this, make sure that we provide, but also understand that this is the most important thing, if you have struggles in risk and providing, then here is one thing that we can all do, what who do we love, Paul and myrtleford,

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that we say to them words that are matter of wolf. So

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when we consider single parents, when we consider kids that have been abandoned, or when we even consider maybe orphans, that that you might be close to, or you might be connected to, or you know, have, at the end of the day, maybe to actually step in there and be a source of provision. And an encouragement might be difficult for some, because let's face it, you know, there's a lot of pressure on parents to do everything to be parents to be their doctors, psychologists to be their source of inspiration, their coach, their life coach, that you name it, like literally every single profession out there, parents are pressured to at least take part of that and implemented as part of

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their parenting. And that's just not realistic. It's not possible, it has to give way at some point. And so here, what a lot of silica gel is doing is actually making it a little bit easier to facilitate our connection with young people. While kulula cola myrtleford just be nice to them. marital alpha is a universal standard. It's the universal standard of how we speak and how we treat people in life. Whether that be marriage, whether that be in families, whether that be in friendships, or just generally speaking people at large, the word one word Allah azza wa jal uses and the entire poor end, which is called malouf. And marigold, as we said, is a universal standard.

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So an example of that is, I don't get to call my kids, idiots, I don't call get to call them stupid, I don't get to call them names of animals, I don't get to do that. Because in any culture, in any society, even if it's a habit, just because something is a habit doesn't mean it's culturally acceptable, because I know some cultures that will call their sons dogs, you know, they will call themselves sons, donkeys. I hear that a lot. It doesn't necessarily mean that that's acceptable. And okay, like, sometimes we have to at least draw the lines, the boundaries of what kind of cultural influence we want with our children, we have to draw those lines and put limitations on them. So

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calling our kids names like this is unacceptable in any culture or society. But even having said that, it's a habit, at the end of the day. That's what Islam came to do. Islam did not come to eradicate culture as a whole. But it came to clean up all the bad habits in culture, the bad behaviors, the bad things that we say, the bad attitudes, it came to clean up all of that. And this is one of them. Well, Paul, and Paul and Madoka, just be nice to them. And we're talking very specifically about when we're trying to encourage and inspire. Which leads me to a side point. Have any of you heard this? whenever you hear adults, generally speaking, just adults, whether it be at

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the masjid or maybe even your homes, that say things like this about young people, they say, our young people, they're so lost. Our young people, they're misguided. Our young people are confused. Our young people need us our young people feel neglected. Our young people are frustrated, our young people are not coming to the masjid. Our young people don't have no pride in their identity. They don't want to study. They, they they it's almost as if we've categorized and shaped this community of young people, as though they were the last and most misguided group, you know, across the globe, across the globe, like this group they've been the less fortunate. We've all been able to have

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access to all the knowledge and resources and everything else that we need. When we were young. That's why we became, you know, part of the mystery and we became volunteers, we became leaders. But this next generation that we're seeing here, they're in a separate planet. This is a big problem. This narrative is unacceptable. What Why do we have to always refer to young people as this deprived group that just can't seem to get things right. That's not the way that we were influenced. That's not the way that I'm sure many of you listening to this right now.

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encouraged and inspired to be good people, as you mature as you got married, and you grew up and you had your own family, if somebody talked to you that way, or referred to you that way, it would be a lifelong memory, it would have psychological effects, mental effects on you to just know that you are always looked down upon, or you will always categorize amongst a group of, you know, sporadic few that were troublemakers you got thrown into that whole group as well. I'll tell you something, guys.

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I spend a lot of time with young with, with young people with students, high school students, and college and university students. This is a group that I primarily like to focus on. And I'll tell you something, and this is by far through my connection and my experience with young people. They are incredibly intelligent, yes, with the exception of some that come in there, and they just they're in a different world, right. But then at the same time, that's what young people do. So if they're daydreaming, if they don't look like they're interested, well, guess what, that's what young people are. That's how they are. And that's how they behave. What do you have to do now, as an

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instructor, is you have to be creative and find different ways that you can take your message and refine it in such a way that it's relatable now to young people. You know, people say to me all the time, oh, you relate so much to young people. No, I don't. I just love being around them, and inspiring them and teaching them and encouraging them. I love being there for them. And that's all it took. I'm not an expert in terms of, you know, dealing with with high schoolers, and college and uni students. I've never got any formal training, I read one book about counseling for Dummies. That's what I read. And that was it. I just have a heart that I want to see the best for these

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people. And when you come to particularly young people with a good heart, they open up their hearts to you. And this is a very famous statement amongst the scholars that when you speak from your heart, you impact the hearts of the listeners. So it's about really at the end of the day, wanting the best with whatever Allah blessed you with. And Allah is saying that if you have nothing, there is one thing that you are always rich with. And that is what kulula Hola, mouseover just be nice and talk to them in a nice way treat them like human beings. Again, this can go on and on, about how we refer to young people, but how they're treated when they come to our massage. When they come to our

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massages in our Institute's maybe the first thing that we do is we hand them a broom, or we tell them go grab the vacuum, or come take the garbage out. Or you're here we need volunteers. It seems like their roles in in massage Ed have also been very specific. And and this is just not the right way to do things. This is not the standard that our massage should be operating. If we want people, especially young people to feel empowered, that we have to empower them with things. And I'm not saying just open the whole bank account and say okay, guys, you need funding. Here we go to Santa Monica make us proud. No, they also need guidance. They also need rules. They also need people to

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teach them and encourage them and direct them in the right way. But they need to be part of that journey. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala

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he continues and this is where I'll conclude in the Latina una Williams shall lead in an otaku me unhealthy him the de tumbler half and half for la familia tequila, while while you're cool, Colin said even if you're afraid that you're going to leave off behind them, children that are weak children that are weak, and you're afraid for them. So in other words, at this piston, at the end of the day when everybody gets a share, but you still fearful that there are other kids out there that don't have any support, you know, sitepoint Look how Allah subhanho wa Taala pays attention to young people. These are orphans, but their kids at the end of the day, they're young people at the end of

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the day, I was already telling us to make sure that we give them the tools and the resources so that they can develop themselves. Then unless as if you can't do that, then at least the bare minimum is you've got to treat them like human beings be nice to them say words of encouragement to them don't always come across as a superior figure above an over them. Then a lesson kind of attire that says oh and by the way, if you're fearful that there are any other children that have been left behind failure tapachula I'll just finish talking about kids and then he tells us to have tough love him. taqwa. We usually are told it tough love immediately after a year you will Athena mo so Eman is

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usually connected directly to consciousness of a lot this conversation. how you treat children is directly connected to your taqwa with Allah subhana wa

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to either, in other words,

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the more that we mistreat young people in whatever capacity we do it intentionally or carelessly. That's a reflection of taqwa means that you have weak telkwa. Whether you're a parent, whether you're an administrator, or just an average layman person, you're connected to young people in some way, shape or form. But if you're not at least kind and don't have a good heart, when you're around them, Allah is telling us here, you have weak taqwa. And then a left tells us how to repair it will topple law, whoa, failure double lot when the upu Poland said EDA, and make sure that you say words that don't have any holes in them. sadita said Dune is like when you're trying to patch up a hole.

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Right? So there's a hole in a wall and you patch it up. So Allah is saying, Will you hold your problem steady, that make sure that your words are clear that they don't have any flaws, any holes? In other words, don't speak. And then you know, you have like these hidden agendas, in your speech. Be direct, be straightforward, be very clear and explicit, don't have any ambiguity in your speech when you're especially when you're dealing with young people, because they can see through that. And even if they don't see through that, depending on how young they are, they are they depend on your guidance. So if you're not telling them or speaking to them directly, then they're going to just

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take your word for it.

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So that's really important. Well, your top law, failure, top law will your call your Colin said either. And finally, in the Latina Corona, and well, Elliot, Mr. volumen, anybody who eats the wealth of a

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orphan, and they do this wrongfully in them a poodle nephew, Tony nelda, they are actually eating that wealth within their stomachs, and their stomachs now will burst into a fire. In other words, it's as if they're taking in this food, whatever it is that they purchased, and they wrongfully took the wealth of orphans. So they're stealing money, but they're doing it for themselves. Allah is saying it says if you're sitting there eating fire,

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or what's called a feeble, totally him, not westsail slowness or era, and they will eventually come to the pits of the fire. Here's the thing, guys, the wealth of orphans is the most sacred wealth in the entire poor, and there is no other category of people that Allah subhanho wa Taala. Is this strict about in terms of their wealth than the orphans? No other category of people that Allah ever say, if you take their wealth, it's as if you're eating from the fire of the Hellfire, only orphans, Allah gave that explicit imagery and warning about again, do you see how firm and how strict Allah subhanho wa Taala is standing up for young people, especially the most vulnerable, the ones who

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don't have guardians, they don't have guardianship with them. A law protects them, protects their money, protects their food, protects their wealth, and also protects how people speak and treat them. So panela. So

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for the parents here that are listening, this is again, another stark reminder that at the end of the day, I know we all want that for our kids. But sometimes if you find yourself that you want the best for your kids, but you're not seeing it, you're doing everything that you can, but you're not seeing those results, then maybe these are the kinds of verses that might indicate maybe it's not what you're doing. But perhaps what you're saying and how you're saying it could actually be the whole reason why your your kids are not listening to you. They're not feeling what you have to say they're not into the whole idea of Yeah, going to the masjid and praying every time I get tired. And

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I saw this and I see this every single year in Ramadan, when a young kid who's not even but badly if he's not even mature enough to be insular. Allah doesn't even command a child that young to be in prayer. But I understand that As parents, we want to encourage our kids so we want them to stand beside those and we want them to be with us and all of that sort of thing. And I saw this with my own eyes very rare, but it's I seen it and I'm sure many of you have seen it as well. Like if a kid moves around too much. You know, the dad will just kind of you know, pat him on the head or slap him on the head. And the poor kid is like fearful though Oh my God, I gotta I gotta make sure I

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concentrate in prayer also get another hit on my head. That's not how we introduce Islam. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him never like punched anybody and said, Hey, you got to pray. You got to pray nicely. As a matter of fact, when he saw people praying carelessly or they made tons of mistakes, what does he do?

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He comes back and he tells them look, go and repeat the prayer again. Okay, look, this is what you need to fix. He just talks to them. He doesn't say, what's wrong with you? Does that how I taught you? Is that how you behave in my message? He doesn't do any of that.

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So why do some parents do that? Right? This is a reflection of the lack of patience, and tolerance and willingness to just stick their stick by their side and just support that journey. It's not an easy journey. A lot of religion in general is all about self discovery, you have to experience it in a very personal way. And to in order to do that, you need a good supportive cast, the best support is the family. So with that being said, I pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala continues to inspire us with these beautiful words of encouragement from the poor end. And again, today, it was all about how we speak and how we treat young people and the narrative behind that the young people are this

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deprived group that are so messed up, lazy, don't care about nothing, don't care about life, I think we should stop saying that and only say those things specifically where they apply. But to just kind of generically paint the same narrative across the board with all young people in general, the smart ones, the brilliant ones, the thinkers, the ones who actually want to aspire to be better. They don't deserve that.

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And that's what I want to encourage all of us, inshallah, to think about, and perhaps maybe share this conversation with somebody in the community, and spark some conversation so that we can improve our approach and the way that we treat and speak to young people, particularly those within our communities. And so with that being said, I pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala protects our sons and our daughters and allies, so He will bless all of them, inspire them to be true leaders of this world true leaders of their Deen, may Allah subhanho wa Taala reward, honor and protect the mothers and fathers that are doing their best trying their best to encourage and influence to within their

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capacity. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you and give you the highest levels of genuine love them. I mean, so with that being said, everybody, just like the level planner, again, always at the end of each of these installments, I encourage all of you that if you're not doing this already, watch this with your family, bring the kids bring your sons and daughters and and just sit there sit around the TV or the screen and just watch this. And I hope and I pray that it's a source of encouragement and inspiration for all of you. Okay, guys, just like a low height and Take care and I'll see you again soon. I'm running commercial to LA heat wabarakatuh