Channel: Musleh Khan
Series: Musleh Khan - Life with Children
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said Mr. Ajay Kumar him to lie to you about a cat to everyone. Mr. Mendell recommended Rahim. hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah He of total sada woman Wyler. So this is part 12 of our series life with children. And today I want to bring your attention to suit ammonium. And this is really if you ever want to understand and learn how mothers communicate with Allah, it's very different than the horror and it's personal, it's intimate, then go to Subramaniam and go to the story of them. And I'm going to jump right into it because there's just so much to extract and so much to talk about to help us cope with life with children and young adults. Allah subhanho wa Taala
when all is said and done, now let's start from the very beginning. Medea Marley has said she gets this brochure or this glad tidings or good news from Djibouti Darla he sent him he comes to her and he tells her
in NEMA, nl Rasulullah Baek Leah Hubei lucky Hola, man zakia. So basically in a nutshell she when she gives him or when he gives her the news that she's pregnant and she's going to have a child, she says, Are with a little rock man. She says pretty much out with a biller May Allah May I seek refuge from a rock man, he responds and he says, Look, I'm just a messenger. And I came to give you glad tidings that you're going to have a child. She responds and she says, Paul, that na accordingly hold me while I'm here. ambiances nee Bashar, while I'm up ko Bella, yeah, she's like, I'm actually going to have a child, and no man has ever touched me. I've never been intimate with anybody before. Then
he responds, and he says polityka ehrlichia call or book who are the Hadean or the nature either? Who is utterly nasty? Or, Amina? What can Mr McCully again, just a general translation that this is Paul colic as ehrlichia call or book. So this is what Allah subhanho wa Taala has said, and what has the this is what he's decreed, and let it be. And this child is going to be placed as a miracle or as an A for all of mankind. So now let's really get into the you know, the whole point of today's a reminder, then it continues for hammer that will fantabulous be mechanical sia, eventually what starts happening is she starts seeing that the womb is starting to develop, the child is growing. So
she ends up leaving her city in where she was living. And she goes, and she finds a place and she hides Why? Because she doesn't want to be seen is that some kind of law, you know, people are gonna see that too. You know, she comes from a good family, she has good surroundings. Her father is a PI pious men, her mother is a chest woman, how could this happen to her. So she doesn't want the rumors to start flying around. So here's the first lesson when you're coping with life with children with all of this. One thing that we almost never talk about is the psychological effects of pregnancy. And not just for the mother, but just the family as a whole. So let's just say, husband and wife get
married, they're living life. And they haven't really planned to have children. I know it's easy for people to say, well, Allah gave you a child, just be grateful. That's fine. We're not talking about that spiritual or religious connection to this miracle of having a child, what we're talking about is the effects of it mentally the stress of wondering how am I going to survive, you know, we just got married, I didn't think we were going to have children this early, or we were planning to have children but much later, and now you know, we're having our first child, and so that the emotions and the in the psyche of the of the of the couple, especially the mother, it's overwhelming, and it
could be potentially very stressful.
So, in this case, here, what do you do? How do you cope with that kind of stress? Well, first and foremost, always remember, provision and the risk comes from Allah subhanho wa Taala. As he mentioned in a sort of Toba, we're in Cliff to Milan, for sulfur, you're the newcomer love women fugly. If you're ever afraid that as a family, you're going to become poor or you're not going to have the means to take care of yourself and your children. You're not going to make ends meet, you have jobs, you guys got to work, there's income coming but it's just simply not enough. Unless as a self, a unique woman, love woman, lovely. I will at some point at a time that I'm pleased with I
will make you rich, I will make you to the point where you'll be able to self sustain. Now remember, honey is refers to somebody who can sustain themselves and is not dependent on anyone else. So Allah is saying here
I'm going to give you that sense of independence financially, you're going to be able to take care of yourselves, and you're not going to depend on anyone else. But the the criteria for that is, of course, doing the right things, working hard getting out there, doing what it is that you can, and having faith and trust, that allow will see things through. So that's the first thing in terms of provision for your child. Secondly, my brothers and sisters, is that,
in this particular, in this particular scenario, the fear of having a child too early or too late, especially when that child may potentially have complications, or the mother may potentially have complications, just see a doctor, don't think about all subpanel libido, I'm going through now the worst test of my life, if you feel like you can't have children, but all of a sudden you became pregnant, and it was unexpected. Go see a doctor scholars, they teach us that the doctor is for most part in scenarios like this, they are the Mufti like they will decide, look, you know this child it's going to be it's going to be a potentially dangerous situation, it could potentially make you
more sick, the child might be more sick, something can happen. And you shouldn't you can't have a child right now. There's just too much going on. And so when the doctor starts to diagnose and tell you these things, then you sit down with your husband, and you try to work this out and try to figure out what is the best decision. And it's a case by case scenario. These are not just general principles across the board that you take. And then the third thing is when it comes to the emotional and the psychological stress of having children is the fear of their health, fear of the future, how, where are we going to live, we're still stuck in a basement somewhere, we're still
living with our parents, and we need to get our own life going, where are we going to get additional income, we're barely scraping by all of these things were never in our control to begin with. That's the whole point. It was never there for us to control and decide when and how all of this stuff is from our Creator anyway, never in the Quran does Allah tell us that wealth belongs to you, when instead he sends down wealth, and he tells you how to trust that wealth, how to utilize it appropriately, how to how to how to work for it, and how to gain or is in a halal way and how to spend it in an in a proper way, all of these rules, but wealth in the end of the day. It belongs to
Allah anyway, so he can take it or he can increase it. So it's really about developing that trust and that connection with your Creator. And those are the things that you really have to talk about and reinforced before starting a family. But nevertheless, the child is on the way. Maria Marley has slammed the child has on her on the way. So she gets to an area and she hides for her mahalo ILA, gender inequality, equality. Yeah, late any meet to popular Heather, welcome to an SEM and sia Mensa panela. Just look at the imagery that's happening here. She then eventually comes up to a date tree. And then she holds on to the date tree. And she starts saying, Yeah, latency. latency is the kind of
term that you say, it's how we say, oh, my goodness, how can this happen? Why is this happening to me? So in another sort of sort of for climb alone, so Jill tells us about somebody that will come on the day of judgment and say, we are way later late, and he let it fall down and havilah they will say my goodness of handler, how could this have happened? Why did I do this to myself that I didn't take such and such individual as a friend. So some handler on the Day of Judgment. Here we are, where somebody might come and complain to Allah that they wish they had befriended a certain individual that could have encouraged them in a positive way. But instead, they went the opposite
direction, they use the same term. So this term, you get a way later or later, and he is a term that's used out of desperation. You're just there's no words, you're lost for words. So she says that money Mr. Lee has sent him MIT to upper that Heather, she says had I died before experiencing the pains of labor, had we'll come to an SEM and see if it would have been easily forgotten. In other words, I wish I could have just died before all of this happened, what Allah willed what he will. And that's the second lesson. So the first lesson when it comes to the fear and the anxiety and the emotional stress of having a child, that uncertainty. Number two, she actually says we'll
come to an SEM and see.
Despite that this was her case, despite what she may have wished for despite what she was thinking about. At the end of the day, she still had to accept the reality. This is a hard pill to swallow, but I'm gonna say it anyway. For the parents, both moms
when a love gives you a child, and there's no reason for you to not go through and have that child, you need to have that child. And despite that, how unprepared you might feel, despite how emotionally and psychologically stressful and difficult it might be. Let's be honest that for some, it might even take a toll in the marriage, that Okay, fine, Allah, will this and it's going to happen. But the arguments might still be there, where are we going to live? What are we going to do? How are we going to raise a child, what kind of name all of these different things and it could just take a toll on the marriage itself? I've I've seen I've sat with and I've counseled marriages that
actually broke apart, just because the child was involved. Right, it was something unexpected, and they weren't planning for it and so many other factors that were involved. But the point is, at some point, especially when there isn't a valid reason, you have to accept that that child is on his way. And that's a gift from Allah. And the fact that we say to ourselves, that children are from Allah is should be enough of a reason that we appreciate the fact that we could have this child, there are so many couples around the world who wish for children, but can never have it. And they will do anything and everything in their power to try to have children and a low won't give it to them. So
for those of us who do have children, or are thinking about having children, and you might plan a certain time in your life, where you want to settle down and have kids, but Allah decided a different time. The first and foremost is at Hamdulillah, to just be grateful that Allah has given you the first step in towards preserving a legacy to creating a legacy to put something behind to leave someone behind with the teachings of not just Islam, but your own teachings as well about life experiences. And that's a great honor. And this is one of the main reasons why people want to have children. It's not just to for the sake of having a family, but you want to leave legacy behind you
want to be able to raise a child and some hamdulillah Is there any greater honor on this planet than to raise a child to raise another human being? So it's a great honor and privilege and that's the way that you have to approach when pregnancy and a child is on its way. And so money um, it is. She's confused, she's lost. She doesn't know what happened. I mean, you know, this was something that was blessed to her she didn't actually have a husband or anything. So she was blessed with this. So all of that's adding to the confusion. So she says something that anybody would say she's like, oh, my goodness, why is this happening? I wish I could have just gone I wish I would have been
dead before all of this took place. pheno death I mean, takhti here, something called out to her from the bottom bottom of the tree below. You know, below somewhere scholars differ what that was some say it's actually the tree that's doing it. Others said no, it was Judy Holly his lm the king to her again. The point is, there was a call center death, I mean, Tatia Allah has any that you don't be said. Now, here's the thing, how many times did we see husen when we're talking about the subject of life was with children. We saw it in sort of look, man, we saw it in sort of puzzles sort of fazila. Now we're seeing it here, again, almost every single time again, when we when we
mentioned this in one of our previous episodes, that whenever there is this intimate yet close relationship with a lot and you go through a struggle, the reassurance is also personal. So when you're going through a personal difficulties, so such as, you know, labor pains, pregnancy, all of the hardships that are associated with that whole nine month journey, that's intimate. You know, it's hard to share that with the others, especially when they haven't gone through what you're going through, you know, even if you talk to another sister, or somebody that has never had a child and you're trying to explain to them, you know, the labor pains, I can't sleep at night, I'm always
hungry, or I can't eat what I want, I'm getting cranky, I'm emotionally down, etc, etc, etc. It's very difficult to find people that you can have that conversation with, they can understand what it feels like. But Allah subhanho wa Taala takes over this whole scenario and says Allah Pakistani, but in general nobuaki tactic he said here, don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid and don't be sad. Just relax, that Allah subhanho wa Taala has placed for you some sense of comfort beneath you. So just relax. So here's the third lesson. for mothers in particular.
When you find yourself in those moments, that can be overwhelming. You know, certain things happen with your kids. And you know, your son, let's say for example, goes to college one day and comes home and says mom is Islam really
The truth like, do we really have to continue being Muslim? Do we have to pray five times a day? Why do I have to wet my limbs every time I want to start praying? Like, why do I have to do that Allah should just be able to accept what's in my heart. And I should just be able to pray. You know, those kinds of moments where you're in shock, all the things that you've taught all the things that you've encouraged all the things that you've tried your best to influence and inspire in your child. Now all of it is being questioned. Allah subhanho wa Taala, with this kind of reassurance is saying, just relax, handle the situation. He doesn't say, Okay, I'm going to take away your pain, I'm going
to remove this child, now I'm going to allow you to just be back the way things were no, he calms her down. And so this is our way of when stressful times come in, within the family, there always has to be that one person that one finger that can calm things down and keep things under control, composed, civilized. And yes, brothers, yes, husbands, I'm speaking to you, the poor. And one of the things that it does, is that it calls husbands and fathers he memes. He manages that when these times come up, that there should always be somebody that could step in and say, You know what, enough is enough, we got to stop worrying this way. And Allah is calling out that the men which are
being looked up enough, Mm hmm. We made sure people who are conscious of Allah, which are also you have this this thing in you that you have to be leaders when it comes to preserving and protecting Islam in the house. And this is really important that the husband, one of his primary roles is to preserve and protect Islam in the house. So when he sees that others are struggling in the path of Allah in whatever capacity, it is his job to step up and be the Imam of the home and just say, Okay, look, we got to sort this out, this is what we have to do. For her. She's already a natural Imam in the house, because why she's there, she's taking care of all of the dynamics, all of the things that
are happening within the home, whether it be with the children, whether it be with the house, all of the emotions, all of the struggles, all of the other issues. And his job is to ensure that he creates a protective barrier and protect the house and protect Islam, so that people are comfortable, they feel safe, and they're able to practice their religion. And somehow the law, it works on both ends, they are supportive cast to one another, when nearly best of luck and one to leave so that when they are meaning the women, they are at best a garment of protection, love and care for you. And you are the same for them. So at the end of the day, although we have the same
roles, how they're broken down is different. And so we're seeing a hint of that, when Maria Marley has said that at the end of the day, she wishes that she could just you know, die before all of this pain happen. She's scared. And what does Allah do? Allah gives her the reassurance that it's okay, Allah attacks me and don't be so sad. And then in conclusion, she's told, she's told now, what was the LA key budget or inequality to salt, pepper, garlic, you roto bend Jenny, basically, gravel, grab a trunk off of this tree and shake it. And you'll see some of the sweetest dates will fall. And they will be your source of nourishment. So Allah provides. That's the that's the whole thing. So
what did how did we start this off? We started this off talking about those of us who might be fearful of starting a family. How did this conversation and what it allowed give reassurance to Molly Marley who said, He not only allowed her to, to are blessed to have this child, this miraculous child, that's going to be one of the greatest prophets ever. But also he provided for all of the nourishment, the vitamins, the things that you need in order to, to survive that. And so the lexx lesson here is when you find out, okay, you're pregnant, take care of yourself, you know, and it is what it is at the sense that Okay, I'll let chose Now, let me enjoy this. Let me do what I
have to do to ensure that I am not questionable in the sight of Allah, that I raised this child to the best of my ability. Let me take care of myself. Let me take care of this child, let me do what I have to do. And I know that Allah subhanho wa Taala is the ultimate provider. He promises if you fear that you can take care of your family. Now I will make you self dependent. I will make you a somebody that can rely on yourself. You are independent, you can survive, you can do the things that you need to do to get through this. And once we once we have that attitude, and we can preserve that attitude, it's our amen and faith with Allah subhanho wa Taala will help us get through that. And so
with that being said,
She's told Cooley What should I be what? Katarina?
Eat, drink and just make yourself happy. Did you see how this whole scenario turned around? It started off with fear. That money Miley said I was saying I was a bit rock man you know, metal, protect me mail Brightman protect me from what you're trying to say you're saying I'm pregnant. And then gibreel Allah Islam just saying, Look, I'm just the messenger. I just came here to give you the glad tidings, then she runs away, then she starts wishing for herself to die to pass away before the pain begins, then the pain Start to begin, then she has nothing to eat. She's poor, then a lot provides for her. And then I'll give some reassurance a lotta sad and don't be afraid. And then
Allah subhana wa tada says, eat, drink, and just relax. acquittee What should I be what Catarina just settle your eyes. Cobra to arraign also means coolness of the eyes. That's what children do.
All of you who have children. How did you feel when you saw your child for the first time pray beside you. When you saw your daughter, for the first time perform will do all by herself. When you're saw your son one day, you hear something in his room. And before you know it, he's reading some poor and by himself. Those are the things that are also part of Portland to poorer to areas that they bring coolness in a sense of happiness and joy. Through the Eyes, you're pleased to argue and also means tears of joy. So you're moved, the emotions start to stir up in your move because you're seeing your two or three year old child, and they're trying to pray. They're trying to
imitate mom and dad. And it's a beautiful thing to watch. But as they continue to grow and mature, you're seeing more of that more of the things that you've tried to influence and encourage are starting to manifest. They're growing, they're maturing, they're, they're understanding their true identity. It's a tearful moment. And so Allah subhanho wa Taala is telling her now he completely shifted the narrative now from being afraid, and from being confused and frustrated, to just eat, and just drink, and just relax. And so for all of the parents out there, who are spending a lot of time at home, and you're worried about the overall protection and safety, not just physically but
also spiritually that the identity of your children are protected, that they're proud of to being Muslim. For equity, why should it be well called Rena, just eat, drink, calm down and handle the situation. counsel, advice, never give up. Seek help when you need it, do all of these little things. And you're going to see that later on modern Riley has said and this is exactly what she does. She seeks out and she calls upon Allah. And she thanks Allah and she's grateful to Allah for what Allah gave her. You know, once you have that attitude of sugar patients follows as we mentioned in one of our previous episodes, so you take all of these components together, life with children
isn't so bad. As a matter of fact, it could be the most blessed, happy experience of your entire life. It definitely has challenges. But when you talk to a parent who has lost a child, and you ask them that this this despite that the child could have had their bad days could have you know, became a teenager and did all kinds of things. But for whatever reason, they lost that child and you asked that parent, you know, how was he, there's a good chance that the mother or the parent would say that child was perfect. No, I miss him. Yeah, he was difficult at times. But he was just a good he was a good son. He was a good she was a good daughter. And that's what we have to be able to
remember as we continue journeying through life with children, is that as long as we have them, Allah will provide for them, Allah will protect us, we have to show gratitude, be patient, continue to do the things that we do, and trust that Allah subhanho wa Taala blessed us with children at a time that was pleasing to Him, not under the time that we had planned for him or anticipated. So with that being said, I hope that this episode at least gives some sense of renewed hope and gratitude for our families, and especially for our children. And remember that Allah subhana wa talin the poor and one of the names that he uses for children is some odd odd fruits. That's what
children are. So when you bite into a good fruit and it feels good, so whether it be I don't know, like a mango or something, and you bite into this fruit and it feels good. That's what children do, that when you see them after a long day, they just bring happiness to you. So these are the things to focus on. Don't focus on just the bad moments and allow that to exterminate it and erase all of the good
About your children. That's what we're seeing here when this shift from the fear came now to just relax, be happy and enjoy this time. So May Allah subhanho wa Taala continue to reward and protect all of us and our families and male allies so it will continue to bring us closer to our children and our children closer to their parents and bless the relationship alone. So with that being said, Guys, please as always, take the time to share this with your kids with the young adults in the house as well if you're not doing that already, parents if you don't mind if you're watching this by yourself that later at some point watch this with your kids. Again, it's it's an energy it's a
reminder and a time to educate both ends of the spectrum. So that's really important for life for children to function. Well that Alexa will bless you all Till we meet again guys take care, said I want to walk out to LA he will work out too.