Life in isolation. Why it’s getting worse.

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Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

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Okey dokey. Cinema Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, everyone to smell al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was salam, ala rasulillah, as you probably could see from the title, isolation and life in isolation is getting worse. And what I mean by that is for the last, I would say we can a half, I have gotten more emails of people asking about anxiety, depression, and even having suicidal thoughts.

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These are Muslims, by the way, all of them. And they're asking about how to cope with these feelings. And what's even more unbelievable is that there are also Muslims who have never had these tendencies before, who have never experienced any form of depression and anxiety, asking and say, Hey, you know, I'm really feeling trapped, I'm really feeling lonely. And and keep in mind that these are people who have families, you know, they're living with their wife or husband, and they have children, or they're living with their parents. These are not single bachelor type individuals. So these are people who are home. And they're feeling alone. And as every day goes by, it's getting

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worse and worse for them. And so they're asking now, what do we do? Even one person this morning, it was the, it was literally one of the most difficult emails to read. There was a young Muslim sister, she said she was in her late teens, 18, or 19, I think I think it was 19. And she said that she's been locked up in her room for the past three days, and she can't get out. And it's not that because it's a terrible atmosphere for her, or she feels like that, or there are problems or anything in the house. He's just saying this because he's like, What is there to do, like, come out from one room, and I'm still in another room, whether it be the living room or anywhere else. And she's like, it's

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just so confined. So what she's been doing is that she's been going outside, a little more often people have been encouraging her to take walks, go get on her bike, or what have you. She's been doing all of that. And she says none of that is helping her none of that is working. And finally, she said that, one thing that helped out was one of her friends gave her a call, they hadn't connected with each other since this whole isolation thing began. So one of her friends called out and just checked up and see seeing how she was doing. And she said, that was the first time she felt a bit alive. She felt a bit, you know, okay. And it really reminded me something. And this is why I

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wanted to share some thoughts on the subject. One of the best ways to deal with isolation, is look at it with the opposite lens, meaning when you're isolated, you're alone. So try to provide some sense of company and support for people who feel alone. And in our case, it's about just reaching out and contacting people. And the onus is really on us, the people who don't feel this isolation, or we're not in depression or anxiety. It's actually that responsibility is on us. We've let these people down. And a lot of you know, there are a lot of people online that are very quick, very good at blaming, ie memes and chew up and so on, and it's all their fault, and they should have reached

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out and this and that. Do you honestly think we have our own magic one that we can, we don't feel depressed as well. We don't feel anxiety, we don't wish that we could call somebody and talk to them. And explain to them how we feel we're humans too. And you'll be surprised that there are quite a few shoo you quite a few leaders that feel the exact same way. But they have to muster up the courage, they have to put aside those feelings and be strong for everyone else. And don't get me wrong, we take a lot of pride in what we do. And I'm and despite how I may feel a certain way or others may feel a certain way. We do put those things aside willfully and with a sense of honor and

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pride. Because we do want to help people out we do want to see that people become better. And for a lot of us especially like myself, I find a lot of gratification in that I become stronger, and I feel more confident in everything when I help others. And so with that being said, we can't do it all. And so I'm asking any of you, there's somebody you know anybody it doesn't matter who they are, even if they're not your friend, just call people go down the list of your contacts, and just look at names and just call people Hey, Salaam Alaikum. How are you checking in

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how you're doing in life. I started doing this with a couple members of massages across the city. And these are people I don't think I've ever dialed their numbers, but we know each other when I'm in that Masjid, we talk a Salaam Alaikum. I'm here to do the talk the whole, but whatever it is, and then I leave, I decided to call them at their house. And they were so shocked that people like us that we're extremely busy, and we're busy, we're talking to so many other people, that we would actually make time to speak with them. And I told them, you know, it's my duty. All right, I don't, I don't have to wait for others to reach out, reach out to me who's mostly con who's people like us,

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we also have to take the responsibility from time to time, and just to reach out for the sake of reaching out. And I can tell you men, you know, some kind of law, some of them it like make their day that we got a chance to connect. And they're like, Oh my god, I'm so happy to hear from you. This morning, somebody sent me a gift. They sent me some chocolates, they sent me some gifts for my kids, they mailed it over, it got sent. And so Pamela like I know the family and everything and they just thinking of you or remembering you. And I can't tell you how much that's made my day made my my kids their day. They're bouncing off the walls with some of their new toys and things like that. And

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obviously, you know, we sanitize, we did all of those things, and we just enjoy it. And so that's the first thing, brothers and sisters is to really take the time to reach out to people. And you've heard me say this before in other videos that it is of our son, that Allah subhanho wa Taala created this entire planet that we live together. We don't just live in isolated pockets everywhere, we actually are one body and we live together, human enterprise is this way. The second thing is, for those of you who might be listening to this and feeling alone and isolated, like it's really getting to you, for you on, I just want to say

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ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to give you the strength to get through this. Now I'm speaking specially

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problems at home. So it's not just isolation anymore. But it's also about marriage problems, relationship issues, all of those things, by the way they've skyrocketed in during since we've all been told to stay home during this whole.

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All the statistics, especially in America, I was listening on to the news the other day, they've all gone up exponentially and all the resources to support people who have relationship and domestic problems that are simply not there. All of that the resources have been exhausted. And now new funding and new

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deals and plans and, you know, conversations to try to figure out how do we make all of this work? So with that being said, those of you who have these kinds of problems? Look, I'm going to be honest with you. The first thing is if your marriage is really taking a hit and a burn through isolation, you're going to have to figure out a way to counsel yourselves, you're going to have to figure out a way because why? simply sitting down and getting counseling is almost impossible. And if you're thinking well, what about on the phone? Again, it's not as easy as it sounds, why? Because that's the only form of connecting with people that's available to us is on the phone. It's either through

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whatever virtual methods there are. The point is, is that you're on some kind of digital device, that's the only way we have to communicate with one another. So believe me, it's overwhelming. And it's not easy to be able to sit with just one or two individuals, for half hour, 45 minutes, listen to all of that, try to help them through it that have follow up conversations and follow up appointments. And then you have to make time to do this. Because why? You've got to sort out your own stuff at home as well. So when you consider all of these variables, it's not an easy thing to depend on. And so the first thing that I want to say to you is that you're going to have to find,

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I'm going to have to look at some sort of common ground to figure out how are you going to counsel some of your own issues. So yeah, it's going to probably be where you and your spouse are going to try to achieve the impossible and have a decent, respectful, dignified conversation about the problems that you're having, why you're arguing so much, why the marriage is going down the drain, and literally sit there and talk through some of this stuff. That doesn't work. This is where you're going to have to be a bit clever to see who you can reach out to whether it be people like us, or others within the family have like some zoom type.

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And try to figure out how you can get input from others as well. But here's the thing, try to avoid making decisions that would jeopardize or that would be a major impact on the on the relationship. So if you think that your relationship is going through a divorce, or it's heading towards that direction, try your best to hold off on that until this stuff is over. So that way, at least some of the logistics of ensuring that this is the right decision and making the process of divorce a little bit easier, that can be facilitated, it's almost impossible to do that virtually. So just keep those things in mind. The last thing is for all of you who are not married, so these are just for anybody

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out there, whatever kind of issues you're having, whether it be isolation, you're having sibling, sibling rivalries, or nobody's even reaching out to you, everything is just a total mess, then it's not just the relationship. It's not just the climate in the house. But it's also financial burden, the emotional and psychological burden. oversleeping, lack of exercise, gaining weight for some people, it's so depressing that they're losing weight as well. And then I'm going to add to that all of the spiritual issues. Ramadan is just literally around the corner. It's kind of depressing thinking that Ramadan is going to come and we're going to probably be alone. I've already started to

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get some reports, confirmed that Mecca and Medina will most likely cancel out all week, this year. So when you think about the center of the whole Muslim world, considering to cancel, then who are we? Where are where we live, and what we do. So all of these factors just weighing heavily on you emotionally and psychologically. How are you going to cope with all of this, guys, remember, some of the verses have hope in the poor, and after every single burden, hardship, pain, struggle, always comes ease, look forward to that, that's a lost promise. That's really, that's our religion, and its promise. And as a matter of fact, it's probably the same promise of all religions out there anyway.

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All all bad things must come to an end, just like how we say all good things must come to an end, well, even some of the bad things as well. So just keep that in mind. And then also Allah subhanho wa Taala says, like, from an individual perspective, that he will never allow us to deal with things that we don't have the capacity or the ability to there. So just realize that whether it be COVID, whether it be any damage, whether it be a personal issue, a health problem, relationships, whatever it is, loneliness, all of that sort of thing. Just keep in mind that all of this because we are alive in 2020, we have what it takes to get through this otherwise Allah would have not allowed us

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to confront some of these things. So just be confident.

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And talk to yourself and tell yourself that you know, I'm here and I can get through this. And every day that goes by is one day closer to all of this coming to an end insha Allah Tada. We've done a lot of time at home. And it looks like we'll just have to do it for a bit longer. But every day is a step closer to that freedom that we're all yearning for. To be able to socialize and be with each other. It's coming in sha Allah in this the last thing that I want to conclude with really is always always take the time to remember each other in prayers, one of my favorite doors that makes things easy whatever it is, that's difficult become easy. is the one of my all time favorite door as the

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Prophet alayhi salatu salam taught us and a lot of you I'm sure know this Allahumma less than illa majerle settler for and touch it has not either sheet settler. I'm going to say that one more time if you're there and you want to repeat with me and let's do this together. A lahoma the salon in the merger I'll tell who said hello, and touch has now either should say hello. So this dorm or a lot less so hidden illa mancherial Tomasello, nothing becomes easy, except what you make easy and geralyn hasn't either. She said hello. You are the one that takes grief and sadness. And you turn that into something easy to cope with. vanta generally has not either she says hello. Now listen to

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the wording. Allah does the door It doesn't say Oh Allah, you take grief and you replace it with it.

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Happiness, unless says with grief, or the, the the doctor says, touch on touch on is that you take grief, but you add the strength of ease the ability to cope with that grief. So it's a difference than saying that you wipe out or you remove or you replace grief. It's not what the Dora is asking for. And it's unhealthy to say to somebody, cut off your grief and replace it with happiness. That's impossible. Who does that? who just has like that, you know, emotional button inside it is shut off prying shut off sadness and grief. And all of a sudden happiness kicks in, or what we usually take for granted and we say to one another, just shut off. Whatever pain you're going through, turn on

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Dora turn on heavy turn on a everything just starts to fall into place perfectly. It's not how poor and and yet work. I've said this many times before. Although the things that we do islamically they don't change a person. So he would no matter how much you pray door, our poor end all of this stuff, it doesn't change you it doesn't transform you like your Optimus Prime from transformers, like you just don't get into a different phase. These are all means towards change. They are a medium towards change. And how where you get this from is from the poor end itself in the Lucha that you'll have your own map your home, you'll hate your map, the unforeseen. Allah will never change the state of

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people until they do what until they initiate some change within themselves. So the secret to really turning your life around is the willingness to want a better life for yourself. It's the willingness, it's the thirst, I want to be happy, I want to take my sadness and to turn it into something that makes me strong that that eventually leads me to happiness. So there's a bit of, you know, psycho psychology here that you're going to have to toy with with your mind. And it takes time, you're gonna have to really study and and really reflect on yourself and take some time but to do it too, right so that it's sustainable. Otherwise, if you listen to a lot of the advice, were

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read this don't do this thing. Everything will turn around upside down, and it's all good. All of that comes with expiry dates, so it might last you for a day or two or two or a week or two. And before you know it the next time something upsets you, it either becomes the same way or 10 times worse. So you end up getting nowhere. And as a result, a lot of people end up losing hope in the eighth and heavy that are supposed to be the most powerful tools for them. So with that being said, inshallah I hope that helps guys. I'm almost where I need to be right now. So I'm gonna just turn this off right now in sha Allah with May Allah subhana wa with our Allah bless and reward all of

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you. I don't know if he's watching, but if that is Dr. minneota I'll pass him a lot so much. Oh, bless you and honor you, Chef. It's an honor to have you here. And we look forward to benefiting from you as well. And I see also Dr. Fadi hackaton Dr. friary icon, one of the heroes that we have working day and night to help patients and help people who are struggling with this pandemic and so on May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless you and honor you and keep you strong and healthy. Also, in short, a lot of terror. So with that being said, Guys, we have to give help, where help is do we have to give rights and we have to give honor where it is due and these people here that I've just

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mentioned, these are people that are really you have to give them their help. You have to give them their rights and acknowledge them by their name, acknowledge them in your eyes and pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala keeps these people strong and healthy in their life of loving me. Okay guys, I'm pulling up where I need to be selectively shut down here and I've talked to you guys again said I'm already too long.