Life #14 Parenting is hard – HELP ME

Parenting

is hard. I need help.

For the parents out there,

I know what it's like.

You have children. You want the best for

your kids.

Some of us make the decision we're gonna

move to another country or another part of

the world and give our kids opportunities that

we didn't have.

There's just one problem.

It's a completely

different culture,

a different way of life. They're exposed to

different communities,

different temptations,

pressures.

The list is endless.

And then it creates a huge challenge.

There is a massive conflict.

Here you are as a parent, you're trying

to instill

certain values on your children,

but because of their environment

where they may go to school, the friends

that they have, the culture that they're being

brought up in,

it's completely

foreign to your own.

So constantly for the littlest things or even

the major decisions,

there is conflict and problems.

How do we navigate through this? How do

we fix that? There's a couple of things

that parents out there, I need you to

understand.

The first thing is wherever

you

uprooted your family and have gone to, so

you may have been born in one part

of the world,

but you're raising your children in a completely

different part of the world. You've got to

understand

that is not the choice of children.

That was the choice of you and me

as parents. We brought them to that environment.

We made that decision to bring them there.

And we also make the decision to integrate

them into that society and culture.

So, of course, it's completely natural

and it's inevitable

that they're going to adapt

those habits.

So how do you counter that? I mean

is this just a losing situation for us

the parents and we have to cope with

it?

No brothers and sisters.

Parents pay attention to a statement

of Ali radhiallahu an. He once said

we were taught, meaning the prophet

taught them.

We were taught to raise our children

different from how we were raised.

What does that mean?

It means parents you have to understand the

society that our kids are being brought up

in.

You've got to be involved

or at least aware

of some of the things that they're learning,

that they're hearing, that they're being exposed to

whether it be at school or with friends

or even

just simply online

on TV, the movies that they watch, the

shows that they watch. I mean, there are

so many sitcoms and shows out there that

are geared to just destroy family values.

So you've got to understand, like, they're gonna

spend hours a day watching this stuff and

internalizing

them. The natural consequence of that is you

start developing a very specific mindset

and you start to think the same way

of the person you saw on TV or

online.

So just keep in mind the first thing

is to understand what they're being exposed to.

So once you figure that out and you

understand, okay, this is the environment that they're

in,

immediately the second point kicks in.

How am I gonna address this?

Now I know that they're exposed to one

thing, but I need them to understand that

that's wrong, and these are the values that

I want them to be brought up in.

And, of course, the values that we want

for them are the Islamic values.

So the second thing, the way to counter

that is

you've got to try to balance the exposure

with something that can counter that exposure.

So if they're at school 8 hours a

day or 7 hours a day, then they

come home and they relax, they're locked up

in the room, they might be online for

a bit, they'll just be scrolling on on,

social media, you've got to remind yourself, wait

a minute,

I need to

counter

some of that exposure with something Islamic, something

beneficial.

So my first advice to you

parents out there

is to ensure that your children are enrolled

in weekly

sessions, weekly classes at your local masjid.

They have to have some exposure

and learning about their deen.

We cannot appreciate

anything unless we have knowledge of that thing.

How can they appreciate

what Islam has to offer if they're not

in an environment or a place where that

they can absorb and learn this deen. So

you've got to keep them engaged in learning

their deen.

The next point that can help is conversations.

I like to call this halakha time. This

is where when you're at the dinner table

or you're driving in the car you have

some alone time with your kids. Just ask

them questions. Show a little bit of personal

interest.

How was your day? So what'd you do

today? Who'd you talk to? How are your

friends? Or I noticed that, you know, you

look a little down today or you're a

little more quiet than usual.

If you can pay attention to some of

the mood swings and some of the impressions

that you get, something that you notice that's

a little off

and you ask about it, you notice it

and you address it,

it's very comforting

to know that

I don't have to say anything but mom

and dad notice something is wrong. And they

just asked me about it. They didn't judge

me.

They didn't say why do you look so

grumpy? Why are you talking this way? But

instead

you don't sound like this. You don't usually

talk this way. Are you okay? What's happening?

And try to spark some conversation.

No, I'm not asking you to be a

counselor.

I'm not asking you to be a therapist.

We're simply asking

just to pay some attention

to some of the differences or the things

that are unusual. And finally,

parents,

understand

that one of the names of children in

the Quran is actually fitna,

which means

they will be a test.

Parenting

is

hard.

It is challenging,

and only the parents who have children understand

how challenging parenting is.

So all the stress, all the sleepless nights,

all the arguments,

it's supposed to be there to an extent

because it's part of the challenge of you

learning to navigate

how to raise another human being, like that's

not an easy feat for anybody.

So understand that with those challenges

Allah will never burden you with something beyond

your capacity.

You have

what it takes to raise your children.

That's why Allah gave you these kids because

you have what it takes. Allah will not

put you

to raise children that are completely

impossible or out of your control.

But keep in mind one last thing,

and that is

everything

is decided by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. The

only thing that we can do as parents

is we strive to do our best to

give our children the best and hope and

pray that insha'Allah

they can absorb some of those values and

carry on that legacy,

carry on that tradition.

Our job, just like the prophet alaihis salatu

wasalam would say to his companions,

all we can do is just project the

message

to tell you, to teach you and hope

that insha'Allah

with that knowledge you make the right decision.

So may

Allah make it easy for you,

don't give up on your children,

strive to remind them and teach them no

matter how annoying you might sound, no matter

how fed up they might be, your job

protect yourself and your family from the fire.

Do your best and insha Allah leave the

make it easy for you.

make it easy for you.