Musleh Khan – Life #12 Why did Allah put me in such a marriage

Why did Allah put me in a marriage

with so many problems?

This is a story for a lot of

you out there.

You found

the love of your life.

You got married and you did everything right.

You prayed your istikhara, you made your dua,

you met both sides of the family, everything

was smooth

Except the day you got married.

Few days later everything turned upside down and

it was just problems after problems,

Whether it be between you and your spouse,

whether it be with your in laws, whether

it be with family,

it could be so many things.

Why would Allah put you in a situation

like this?

One of the answers

is found in Surat Al Nahl. Listen to

this verse. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says:

Pause.

Allah says

that He is the one that placed for

you

this spouse.

Allah placed for you these spouses

and these spouses Allah says

it came from you. Now what is this

ayah talking about?

Your spouse,

the fact that if you did everything right,

you sought istikhara

and direction from Allah,

you did everything right that you knew in

order to make that decision and marry that

person.

Allah chose that individual for you. At the

end of the day,

despite all the Duas you made,

that's the person Allah chose

for you.

But then the ayah says

from yourself.

So you have 2 things, Allah placed this

person for you,

and number 2,

that person is an extension of you. What

does that mean? The scholars, they say,

literally

your spouse is an extension

of you.

This person has similar qualities

just like you.

And even if you don't see it early

in the marriage, you might see it later

on in the marriage.

Who knows when that would manifest? Because maybe

for a lot of us out there

it looks so foreign. Just got married but

you seem so different from your husband or

wife.

Allah says listen,

I chose that person

and that person is an extension of you.

Then Allah continues

Then from your spouses

Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala

gave you children and grandchildren.

One of the meanings behind it is grandchildren.

It could also mean in laws as well.

So yes,

your in laws Allah chose them for you.

No matter how many problems or challenges

you might have at the end of the

day Allah put those people there.

This is really important, why? Because

we are taught that we are not allowed

to break relationships,

especially with family.

One of the reasons why is

the fact that Allah chose these people to

be in your life,

now you don't have the right to just

cut that off because you just can't get

along.

This Eiyyah also highlights

a discipline that has to develop in the

marriage, which is

you cannot be yourself

anymore,

but rather you have to be the person

that is best for the marriage.

So certain

tastes or delights that you are accustomed to,

those are things that can be altered or

changed for the sake of the marriage. It

could be something as simple as,

oh, when I grew up, the food didn't

taste this way.

Well, this is an indication

you need to get accustomed to the way

he or she makes the food. It's something

as silly

and as trivial as that becomes a major

part of the marriage.

It helps to develop that relationship because

these are 2 individuals

with perhaps 2 opposite

lifestyles

that have come together to make one lifestyle.

That requires the sacrifice, that requires work, it

requires focus, it requires knowledge.

This is why you always hear about those

marriage retreats and programs and courses because it

requires

some basic knowledge.

But at the end of the day brothers

and sisters understand,

if you're finding a lot of problems in

your marriage and you just don't know what

to do,

this ayah would at least

encourage you, make you feel good about yourself

that you know Allah chose this person for

me so I gotta put in some effort.

I gotta work through this. I gotta try

to understand.

And it'll be very clear to you if

there's just one person doing all the work,

and you'll be very clear to you in

that scenario where the marriage goes. Then you'll

know whether the counselor comes in, then you

know when you gotta go to the imam

and you gotta will seek help. Otherwise,

just to remind yourself

and know that

Allah placed you in that situation

because Allah knows things that we don't know

and Allah sees potential in this relationship

perhaps you cannot see at this time. You

try your very best to stay committed, try

to work through those challenges, and just leave

the rest to Allah

Remember,

marriage is half of our redeem. And Prophet

alaihis salatu wasalam taught us this as a

reminder.

One of the meanings of this hadith is

half of your deen is complete when you

can navigate through the hardships and the challenges

of that relationship.

If you can manage that,

then you can manage the challenges that come

along with maintaining your relationship

with Islam.

So may Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala give you

strength,

give you focus, increase your iman. May Allah

Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala bless your marriage.