It’s ok to be sad

Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

Episode Notes

share this pageShare Page

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:54

In addition, delila national who and a star Ito who want to still fiddle when are the Billahi min Shuri and fusina woman see tr Melina me and the level philomel de Lana will make you bleed color hajela wash hadwen ilaha illallah wa la sharika washer, Mohammed Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa are early he was herby woman serve our learner g warmist Enderby pseudoknot de la Yomi de Bharath for topo la Yuma la llorona some kind of water either Phaeton xili Yeah, you Hello, Xena tupple la helper to a party he was at mo tuna Illa and Tomasi mon, from Barrett. My brothers and sisters on this blessed day of this busted hour of YOLO jumaane. We begin by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala

00:00:54--> 00:01:37

and when you show it when we show our gratitude to Him and ask Him to forgive us of our shortcomings and our mistakes love him that mean we further send peace and blessings to Allah Rasul Allah wa Torabi was at Mojave. And on this blessed day of this blessing hour of Yeoman Juma, we also make daura and pray for our brothers and sisters around the world that continue to suffer and struggle in whatever capacity May Allah azza wa jal ease their pain and their suffering Allah has been for those of us who have recently lost loved ones family and friends, we asked the laurisilva gel to shower their graves with mercy and forgiveness and reunite you with those that are close to you in general

00:01:37--> 00:01:53

to for those who are there a lot. I mean, as for our pilgrims, our judge may Allah azza wa jal Bless you all with a head Jimmy Maduro was sorry, my score was then been a mouthful, a lot. I mean, you will have been

00:01:55--> 00:02:15

a while ago, a mother. She came in with an issue. Her and her husband, and she had gone through a she had a pregnancy and she had lost the child. So she had a miscarriage. And some time had passed.

00:02:16--> 00:02:21

Few months had passed by after this miscarriage. And

00:02:22--> 00:02:55

she was struggling to understand why that happened to her. This was her first child, and she was struggling to cope with the loss. And her husband, as well as her would constantly talk about this miscarriage. But what would happen occasionally is that they would argue they would fight, why they would fight because a lot of the times the husband would say to her, look, there was nothing that we could do. You need to get over it.

00:02:56--> 00:03:23

And she understood to an extent, yeah, I need to somehow figure out a way to move forward. And so she would talk to friends, talk to family, and everyone would say to her, you need to make a pray, talk to Allah and ask him to give you strength. So she said to me, I do all of these things. I pray every day I practice my Deen. But something in me, I can't let go of this child.

00:03:24--> 00:03:27

There's a connection, I can cope with that.

00:03:28--> 00:03:32

And as she's telling me her story, she starts to cry.

00:03:33--> 00:03:39

And the husband at that moment looks at her and says you need to have trust in Allah.

00:03:40--> 00:03:46

If you're crying, it's not right. Because you're not showing that you're content with Allah.

00:03:47--> 00:03:50

Now, keep that image in mind for a moment.

00:03:51--> 00:03:56

In surah, Yusuf, fast forward very close to the end of the surah

00:03:57--> 00:04:01

number 84 assorted uses. We all know the story.

00:04:02--> 00:04:09

Use the father his Salaam has gone and separated from his brothers and his father. And many years go by,

00:04:11--> 00:04:17

at some point, for most of the sort of a father still doesn't really know what happened to his son.

00:04:19--> 00:04:43

And around verse 84, something interesting happened with the Father. And it's the only time in suited to use if this has happened. Now keep in mind, students use is 111 verses. Verse 84. It's the only time an incident happened with the father and his sons.

00:04:45--> 00:04:47

He pretty much broke down

00:04:48--> 00:04:51

and the area describes what what

00:04:53--> 00:04:58

he turned his back from his children what color they

00:04:59--> 00:04:59

use of

00:05:00--> 00:05:04

well beyond Latina who Mina, for who are kaeleen

00:05:05--> 00:05:08

the father couldn't take it anymore. He broke down.

00:05:10--> 00:05:28

And the sons are watching this happen. Now why is he breaking down? Because the previous a, a, he's reminded once again, that something happened to his son that involves the rest of his children. So the previous a is said for somebody when Jimmy

00:05:29--> 00:06:24

that he was to try to practice and hold on to beautiful patience as much as he could. So we're all on the same page. Now. You suffer from a tragedy or hardship or loss. And the immediate response for a believer, as our messenger I think, is salatu wa sallam told us in the masaba, in the southern metal oola. So the first thing that you and I should try to do, the moment you are afflicted with some kind of hardship is that you respond with patience. And the highest level of patience is called sovereign germier. Beautiful patience. So jacoba he said, I'm the father is doing his best with this. But something in him causes him to break down, he breaks down so much, that he turns away from

00:06:24--> 00:06:51

the rest of his children. What To what? To whom, and then he says work harder. Yeah, so far the use of I'm so sorry, use if you don't use if adding his son is not with him. But he it's it's the connection between the parent and their child that's gone missing. You know, I, when I became a parent, this alias spoke to me at a completely different level.

00:06:53--> 00:07:46

And I usually tell students, it's only when you're a parent, that you really understand the emotional benefits behind this particular verse, all of the emotion that's attached to a parent that's disconnected and lost from their child. You and I both know if our kids went missing for five minutes, it would be the worst five minutes of our lives. Many years go by, although he's optimistic he's positive. There's something within him that causes him to break down and he starts to cry. Yeah, poop is a synonym. So much so that the Quran describes what you know who mean a person from work healthy, his eyes started to develop this white glaze. Parents.

00:07:48--> 00:07:49

Think about it for a minute.

00:07:51--> 00:07:54

If you've ever cried like this in your whole life,

00:07:56--> 00:08:45

so much so that your eyes start to develop something. And it kind of distorts your your vision. You can't see things like literally you can't see things clearly anymore from all the sadness and grief mail learn. So which will give us strength, because there may be some of you here today that have experienced this kind of grief. There may be some of you today, whether you've lost someone dear to you, or you've gone through an incident or an event. And it could be anything. You know, a while ago, I spoke to a sister that was going through depression. Do you know how her depression started listening to it? One day she was driving, and somebody cut her off, and she almost crashed but she

00:08:45--> 00:09:10

managed to get control of the steering wheel. She met up at the traffic light with the person that cut her off. The guy put down his window and cursed every word in the book to her. Nobody had ever spoken to her this way. She'd never been exposed to that level of vulgar and hate. And it slowly started to break her down.

00:09:11--> 00:09:59

And she had trouble driving again. She couldn't concentrate on anything. And she started to develop a bit of depression in her life. How could somebody hate her so much? And they don't know who she is. They don't know her story. Nothing about her. just sheer outright hate. May Allah azza wa jal give us strength. We're all different when it comes to our emotions. All of us experience things differently. So you iacobelli Sam, is in this predicament. It's in this moment where he's expressing a lot of loss and grief and emotion. The sons are watching this you know what they say to him? Paulo tala testo. Caruso for Hector tekun are huddled on outside

00:10:00--> 00:10:24

Cornermen olalekan they said something to him that really and truly the scholars of tipsy have teach us it's not a nice thing to say to somebody who's going through this level of grief. They said Cardinal tala, you know it this phrase is kind of like saying to someone our equivalent is still like saying to someone, you're still crying.

00:10:25--> 00:11:14

Come on, man. You got to get out of this. Stop crying so much. Keep yourselves busy. Do something find the hobby? Does this sound familiar brothers and sisters keep this in mind. Because usually this is our reaction for the most part this is how we usually react to somebody that's been you know their grief kind of prolongs years even go by, you still haven't gotten over it yet. Come on, do something. How to tala and then the spell it out to their father. Tough that will tend to code or use if you're still thinking about uses. Come on dad. Hector takuna. Huddleston, otaku domina hurricane, you're going to literally fall apart fate and destroy yourself, you've got to stop doing

00:11:14--> 00:11:19

this. You know, on the one hand, it's not a nice thing to say.

00:11:20--> 00:12:14

But on the other hand, to try to encourage someone to build a strength from grief. You have to be wise and very cautious of the choice of words you use. When you talk to someone about their emotions. having a conversation with somebody who is confused or struggling to deal with grief. That kind of conversation is not for everyone. Not everyone should do that. Because again, you have to be very cautious and wise what you say and how you say, even if you mean well, even if at the end of the day, Does this sound familiar? Brothers and sisters, you know, I'm just telling you, you need to move on. But I'm only giving you enough see her? Okay, this is just me, I want the best for you now

00:12:14--> 00:13:08

grow up and get over it. You know, sometimes when we try to advise each other, and maybe we're doing it unconsciously, we're not aware. And sometimes people who do this are aware that they're being insensitive to that person, and how they're how they feel. They're being insensitive. They're ignoring all of that, and their focus just on advice, or naziha, or reminder. And that insensitivity is sometimes covered with the word Nazi hat and remembrance. You know, so I've said something to insult you, or make you feel worse. But it was all in the name of Nazi hat. So just get over it. This is not nothing her brothers and sisters, even the word itself naziha comes through the word

00:13:08--> 00:13:15

NASA. NASA means to bind to things that were originally together and they split apart.

00:13:16--> 00:13:29

So you were once strong and confident. Let's talk about how we get you back to that place. Do you see how the attitude naziha is not about telling someone What to do?

00:13:30--> 00:13:49

It's not about commanding them all the time. It's not about taking control of their affairs, and especially in this case, their feelings. It's about giving them and doing what it is that you can to build strength, confidence, inspire, encourage.

00:13:51--> 00:13:51

And so

00:13:53--> 00:14:17

these sons tell their father this, listen to the father's response. And especially those of us here, who have a fresh story of grief and pain, listen to this area. Because this area will give you something a tool that nothing in this world can give you.

00:14:18--> 00:14:45

Yeah poober alayhi Salaam looks at the kids and he says to them harder in school bethey what who's nee Illa? What are the Moomin? Allah, Allah tala moon. He says to them. This is verse 86. I complain and my grief, my worry, my sadness is for Allah now pause.

00:14:47--> 00:15:00

One thing, one phrase that is very common is that when we tell somebody Time will heal? Does that sound familiar? Time will heal. There's one

00:15:00--> 00:15:10

thing that very often, we don't talk about or don't mention, along with this phrase. And that is, there's no guarantee,

00:15:11--> 00:15:19

Time will heal. But there's no guarantee. In sha Allah, we're hopeful Time will heal.

00:15:20--> 00:15:21

But then again,

00:15:22--> 00:15:23

some of you here,

00:15:24--> 00:15:51

you lost someone when you were a child, for our elders, your parents, when you think back 30 4060 years ago, how your mom used to, you know, cook or feed you or care for you, you'll see visions, you'll be lost, you'll be sitting drinking coffee or something. And all of a sudden you start thinking about your dad, how hard he worked to support you

00:15:52--> 00:16:39

how hard he worked to give you the family, the best that he could do. Then you think about your siblings, those that are with you, but also those that have passed. Then you think about those who are close to you friends, families, relatives. Now these people have passed away ages ago. But when you sit and think about them, and you get lost in that, what happens to you, your eyes start to well up with tears, you start talking about, I always remember how my mom would smell she had this beautiful fragrance about her, only mom had that. And you start remembering these intimate details and what happens to you, you start to lose the control of your emotion. What we learned from this

00:16:39--> 00:16:45

area brothers and sisters, is that it's okay to cry.

00:16:47--> 00:16:52

It's okay to express that kind of emotion.

00:16:53--> 00:17:08

And again, it's different for everyone, for some time doesn't heal as a matter of fact, for some time makes it even more difficult. As time progresses, I find it even more hard.

00:17:10--> 00:18:07

So it's not the same formula across the board. The second point, do you know that there are some Muslim cultures today that actually genuinely believe that if you cry, this will somehow diminish your reliance on a lot. So again, it will be a sign of weakness, not just you as an individual, but your faith is weak when you cry. There are actually Muslims that believe that I've met them. I talked to them all the time. Some of you probably meet Muslims like that as well genuinely believe. Yeah, you can cry, but just for a little three days. That's it. Shut off your tears after three days. If you do, this is a sign of weakness. You're not trusting a lie enough. There is no Hadith or

00:18:07--> 00:18:21

a that has ever said this. As a matter of fact, our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam cried so much in one year it was titled by scholars as I'm one who's in the year of grief.

00:18:22--> 00:19:09

He cried so much for loss. He lost the job of the lohana that people have thought if treated him a certain way. Throughout his life he cried. When the companions heard of the messenger RNA is Salatu was Salam is death. They cried for days, some narrations, even weeks, there was like this. There was the spiritual cloud of grief over Medina four days after he sallallahu alayhi wasallam had passed. Some commanders didn't even know how to control that emotion. And they thought, No, no, he's dead, but he's not really dead. And they couldn't understand. What we learn. And we are reminded of brothers and sisters

00:19:10--> 00:19:16

is that it's okay to express that emotion and to cry

00:19:17--> 00:19:26

and to illustrate and show others that you cry. That's okay. Why do I say that? Remember in the area,

00:19:27--> 00:19:31

the father turned his back what to one.

00:19:32--> 00:19:38

So it kind of hints to he sort of wanted a long time, didn't he?

00:19:40--> 00:19:41

When we cry,

00:19:42--> 00:19:57

it doesn't matter. If you cry in front of an entire audience. You still feel alone when you're caught up in that emotion, don't you? There is still that feeling of no one really understands how I feel.

00:19:59--> 00:20:00

And that's the third

00:20:00--> 00:20:14

benefit of this in Nima escort bethia warehouse ni ilala. I complain and my grief and my sadness, my confusion, my loss is to Allah.

00:20:15--> 00:20:26

This is the one thing that time will never give you. When you turn and channel your emotion

00:20:27--> 00:20:53

to Allah, his promise is he will never let you down. He will bless you, and honor you with the strength you need to take that step forward. And to somehow grapple some sense of understanding why you're going through what you're going through.

00:20:55--> 00:21:50

You get that strength. When you keep a connection with your Creator, you talk to him, and you complain to him, and you cry to him, and you show all that emotion to him. This doesn't mean you can do it with each other. What it means, however, is that you don't depend on each other for the cure. you express to comfort one another but at the end of the day, Oh Allah gives me strength, strength in my hearts. Oh Allah give me the strength to wipe away these tears. Oh Allah give me the strength to understand what I'm going through. Only you truly understand how I feel male allies so a gel gives strength to all of you who are coping with this level of grief at whatever capacity may align

00:21:50--> 00:22:22

so it will give you strength and May Allah subhanho wa Taala give you what it takes for you to take that step forward to build the strength, the confidence and as a result as a result, may Allah subhanho wa Taala cause whatever experience you've gone through, to be a means towards strengthening your bond with him subhanho wa Taala Acoma to smiling was stuff that Allahu Allah Kumari said every Muslim equally them for sofiero in who who will have for him

00:22:30--> 00:23:19

Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. While early he was happy he woman was buried. And I conclude brothers and sisters how the verse concludes, jacobellis salon continues as Allah mentions in this beautiful Sora what are the momento la Matta Tyler mon, and I know from Allah, what you the kids, you don't know. I know from Allah, what you don't, in context, in context of the Sora. It's talking about the dream that use of Ireland, his salon had the beginning of the sort of, you know, the 11 stars, Sun and Moon, he saw them prostrating to him. The Father knows the interpretation of this dream. He knows what it means. He knows that deep inside of him, there's a

00:23:19--> 00:24:10

possibility he could be reunited with his son, when he doesn't know when he doesn't know how is no idea when that reunion is going to happen. But there was it was almost as if he's given this hint because he could understand dreams. So he's holding on to something, but the human inside of him, is falling apart. The emotion is overwhelming. And so with that being said, brothers and sisters, I leave you with this and conclude that at the end of the day, when you seek the counsel that help you talk to each other, go to professionals, you do all of those things, and you should do all of those things. If that's what you need, you should do that. But always remember that the true form of

00:24:10--> 00:24:58

healing and strength lies between you and how much you connect and speak to your Creator. And so we ask alaris so we're told to strengthen that bond between us and our Creator. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to strengthen our faith in times of difficulty that we speak to him and we turn to him and we plead to him along with me. With that being said, we send keys and blessings to our soul sobre la Torabi was Salam O Allah a Cayman amaura now subhanho wa Taala Phaeton xili in Allahu Allah equateur who you saloon Island be? Yeah, yo, Hola, Xena and then all sudden do it. sandawana he was soluble. Taslima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed keema solita Ibrahim awada. And he brought him in

00:24:58--> 00:24:59

nikka homido Maggi Allah

00:25:00--> 00:25:39

Muslim Muslim. You know what a Muslim man will mean you know what I mean? Yeah, you mean who am What? In the Karima semiology. Buddha, our Allahumma international or local agenda. Oh my god Robert la Herman. Colin Armin when I was becoming a nerd when I put Robert E Lee Herman poling a woman alone to you know foreseen as to who the key her into higher omens that until where the yo yo pelada mean, or Bana Tina Fey dunia Asana orfila karate escena joaquina. Isaiah no soprano to be Camilleri city army as a foreigner was sat down when I learned more recently. what hinders your ability