Family Life #14

share this pageShare Page
Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

Episode Notes

Children Have Rights Too.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:41

Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu everyone Mr level recommendable Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu, salam, ala rasulillah were buried. So today let's talk about the rights of children. And before we even do that, I want to extend my gratitude to all of you, there's been a lot of questions and engagement and things like that. So just like mellow hydro for supporting the series series. And I pray that Allah subhanaw taala puts benefit in Baraka in it, that you can all be inspired and feel some sense of direction, when you're home spending time with families, in short, a lot of times, so the rights of children before we even start listing what they are, it's important for all of us to

00:00:41--> 00:01:26

understand one very important principle, when Allah blesses us with children. The fact that Allah gives you children, is an indication that you as an individual have what it takes to raise another human being. That's the first thing. And so there's honor in that there's a sense of pride in that, that you've been chosen. And the reality is, in comparison to those who don't have children and who are yearning and they want to have kids, a lead doesn't give it to them for whatever reason. So the point is that those of us who have kids, Allah has allowed you to be able to raise another human being because you see something in you that you have the ability to do that. Now with that in mind,

00:01:26--> 00:01:49

it doesn't mean that those who want children and can't have it doesn't mean that there's somebody you know, there have a lesser degree, or they're just they don't have what it takes, it doesn't necessarily mean that just means that for whatever reason Allah has chosen for that particular family not to have kids, no one can smear across the board and say, Well, you know,

00:01:51--> 00:02:28

because you guys have done this, you guys have not done that. You guys just don't deserve children or Allah is punishing you. We don't have the right to say that to anybody who wants children and can't have any, the this is all in control of a large syllogism. And even those who have kids doesn't necessarily mean that just because you're a parent that you just because you have children, that you're a parent. So in other words, just because you do have children doesn't mean you're going to have the ability to even parent those kids, that could be a great trial and test for you in your life. So it's important that we understand that the categories of people who want to have children

00:02:28--> 00:03:08

as opposed to people who want and don't get any. So with that being said, this is just a general principle across the board. So you have children, Allah has chosen you to raise another human being, the confidence that it takes the strength that it takes for you to convince yourself that look, this is something for me is it's found throughout the entire poor end. And this is why Allah subhanho wa Taala constantly talks to us about how we train our children, how we teach them. And this is some of the things that we've tried to highlight in the previous episodes of the contrast between, you know, pseudo usif and pseudo puzzles, then we went to sort of money and then we went to sort of look man,

00:03:08--> 00:03:53

like we're all over in terms of the poor em. But today, let's go to the Center for a little and see what the messenger i think is Salatu was Salam did with respect to, you know, children in general? What did he do? What did he offer? How did he treat them? How did he teach about kids? What did he offer at the end of the day, if we were to summarize everything about the Prophet Ali's subtle sons character, and his teachings with respect to children, it would literally be summarized in one word, respect. The Prophet it sought to sell them encourage, showed and exemplified respect towards the young people. And there are so many evidences so many evidences and had faith and traditions of the

00:03:53--> 00:04:33

Prophet it starts with them showing mercy and love to kids. So for example, we all know the the narration of when he saw a group of children and the father of these kids, you know, they were all just kind of outside and prophesize, Selim took one of the kids and he kissed the child on its head. And we do this all the time when you kiss a child on their head. It's a it's an act of mercy and love and acceptance. It's an act of gratitude and beauty that you you know, you'll appreciate children, their innocence and so you appreciate them and this is one of the traditions at least back then. But it's still done even till now all over the world. And the father when he looked at that,

00:04:33--> 00:04:59

he said that I have 10 children, and I've never done what you've done I've never kissed them the way that you have. What he was trying to do was trying to make fun of the Prophet it subtle Salaam, it was said that this father was like a Bedouin men and Bedouins generally speaking, because they live on the outskirts in the mountains and so on. They're not accustomed to being engaged in city life with people. And so as a result when he saw a man

00:05:00--> 00:05:44

And being that kind of soft and gentle with another human being, for that particular individual, it's as if many, you're not as strong as we thought you were because I've never kissed my children the way that you do. Again, this is more of a cultural thing that at least back then, but it's still practiced in parts of the world today, that where, generally speaking, there's one side of the family or party or whether it be the husband or somebody else, that in terms of showing that level of affection, they hesitate, or they just don't do it at all. And this creates that sort of culture that fathers generally are more strict with kids than mothers are. But sometimes that's even turned

00:05:44--> 00:06:26

around as well. And it's balanced. And sometimes the mom is more strict than the Father. So the key point is, is that from one side of the parent here, this is the first thing that we're getting from this hadith is that there's this level of strictness, and this man, this bedwin, he found pride in that he was like, I would never do that. And he was sort of like gloating about it. And the Prophet alayhi salatu salam told him his statement, that's almost like a universal statement, men lay your hand lay your hand, whoever doesn't show mercy will never receive it in return. Now, remember, this Hadeeth is talking about kids. And so what scholars did is they mentioned that, as a result, this is

00:06:26--> 00:07:10

the only time the Prophet is subtle, some ever mentioned such a profound statement, and literally a condition and the response to that condition, you don't show mercy. And he didn't say to children, this. So this is much more generic. Now. He took it a step further, although the men, the Bedouin is talking about children, he's talking about his own kids, and prophesy. centum says, Listen, whether it be your kids or anybody else in general, you don't show mercy to anybody, you're never going to have it in return. And men subpanel lump? Don't we see that? Don't we experience that? Remember, mercy is not just forgiveness, it's not just patience. It's not just okay, letting things go. Mercy,

00:07:10--> 00:07:50

of good word to kind of capture some of the essence of this comprehensive and broad principle is, it's more Intel, it's more tolerance. It's the ability to tolerate everything. So whether you tolerate the good times, and the bad, you take it all. So when we say mercy, it's more or less that, you know, you have kids, and you you're merciful to them, you provide you do all of these things. But when they when they when bad behavior comes about, or when they give you trouble and make life difficult, and blah, blah, blah, blah, and all of these, all of these things, you still merciful. Sure, you might get frustrated, you might get angry, but at the end of the day, you're not going to

00:07:50--> 00:08:33

kick them out of the house, you're not going to abuse them, you're still going to provide for them, you're still going to do your duties as a parent. And so that's an that's an expression of that mercy, that you're still willing to tolerate the mistakes and errors of people and accept them for who they are. And this is why what's amazing is that we are told to do this with one another. And Allah says, will who are humbled Rahimi that despite this level of mercy that you show with one another, I am even more exceptionally merciful than all of my creation combined. Like you're never going to compare it to the level of mercy that I will show mankind. And I just think to myself, this

00:08:33--> 00:09:23

really answers the question, or at least helps to answer the question that tyrants and dictators and just evil as a whole, why doesn't a lot and that, like, why does that somebody who is responsible for so much wrong and so much evil? Why do they still live a good life? Why are they still rich? Why, despite all the oppression, that they insinuate, in wherever they are, why is it that Allah still gives them more wealth, more strength, more power, more political power, all of these things? And the answer is that look, you were never going to understand the level of mercy that Allah subhanho wa Taala has. And secondly, sometimes things are not as they appear. So you might think

00:09:23--> 00:10:00

that somebody is being shown mercy. But Allah mentions in the poor and what can barely catch up with a Robic either a hollow port or heel volume, and it's actually part of the last plan that allow will allow the rope to be use. So allow me allow certain things to happen, no matter how bad and terrible and evil and they are. And we might think to ourselves, when we're watching this or experiencing that, what has allowed allowing this why is this person still getting away with all of these crimes, but it could be a trap. And a horrible is the snatching of Allah and others.

00:10:00--> 00:10:48

Word, that's how Allah sometimes does with certain individuals allows the rope to be loose, and snatch them during their transgression or evil when they least expect it. So when you look at this broader picture, showing mercy, and love to kids is a part of emotion. And it's something that is not restricted to just our own children. But it's also to kids at large, but people in general. So that's the first point. Now in terms of rights for kids, there are quite a few. And all of them pretty much boiled down to the same thing. There are extensions of very specific details, but they all sort of boiled down to the same thing, which is that the parents, you must and these are the

00:10:48--> 00:11:35

rights of children, that they and before we even mentioned that, it's important to also understand that despite we have rights over our brother over others, and over one another, children also have rights over us. What we mean by that in the Shetty is that they have the right to demand, what Allah has given them. So an example of that is that they're right is to have a good name. They shouldn't be called a name that has a bad meaning or things like that. So they have a right that as they grow up, and they learn their name, and they understand, well, wait a minute, you know, why is my name that I kid you not like I've met people over the years, Muslims who have had some names that will

00:11:35--> 00:12:13

lie, I could never say it like these were Arabic names. And they were just like, it's in the poor end, just because a name is in the poor. And this mean, it's the right name for jahannam is in the poor end, Xena is in the Quran, adultery. You know, cotton isn't the poor and murder. So, you know, when you have these terms doesn't mean now you take it and you start naming your children this stuff. And so it's about having a good name with a good meaning. And when we say a good meaning doesn't necessarily mean it's okay. It's the opposite. We're also talking about me, names that have like some sort of wisdom behind it, it tells you something about yourself. And this is why in

00:12:13--> 00:12:16

amongst the Arabs, they have a saying

00:12:18--> 00:12:59

you're out of shall see it to be me that you understand someone's personality and who they are based on the kind of name that they have. So a name tells a lot, and especially when you have a name, that's a good name, and it has a good meaning, whatever that name may be, then inshallah it's a good thing to have. And this is one of the rights that children can demand. They also have the right to be treated fairly. So if there are several siblings in the house, you can we can't prefer one over the other. That's actually how long and parents are sinful for doing that. So it's important that we treat each of the kids as fairly as possible. And some of the scholars went to the extent that if

00:12:59--> 00:13:41

there is a child that has that has additional needs, in whatever capacity, then they also have the right to demand or expect those needs to be fulfilled. So whatever your situation is, if there's one kid that needs and requires a little more attention than the others, then by all means, by all means that they have the right to demand that extra time and that extra care from the parent. Third, right, is that children have the right to be raised in accordance to their Deen. So in other words, if they if they as they mature and they want to start practicing their religion, they want to start dressing differently. They want to act differently they want to start taking classes. They want to

00:13:41--> 00:14:24

develop some sense of religious identity. That's a help and a right that we that they have. And we've spoken about this when we went through our when we went through the advice of look man early he sent him when we came to the a failure to Hormel or sa hibel method dounia mera offer. So don't obey them mean don't obey them when they encourage or tell you to do something disobedient to Allah, but at least be good in terms of a dunya life in terms of worldly life, at least do that being nice, courteous, etc. So we discussed all of that there. Another right that kids have is that they also have the right to be provided for. So if they want to go to school, if they want to buy things, if

00:14:24--> 00:15:00

they want to be able to learn new skills, these are things that we as parents should teach them and encourage them to do to the best of our ability. Another write that they have is to be able to be treated maturely. And the profit is what was sent them. Just listen to this. This is really important, so I'm going to leave you with inshallah, that when in Islam, a child is considered to be mature, meaning they are accountable for their worship and their prayers and so on when they reach roughly around the age 13 and above some scholars

00:15:00--> 00:15:41

went as far as 15. So let's just say roughly between 13 and 15. Islam teaches us to treat these this age group maturely, obviously, you're not going to give them all the responsibilities on the world. All right, you're not going to just tell them to do whatever they want. Okay, they're full fledged adults. Society teaches us that when they're 18, or 19, they're adults, sure, at least from in terms of how we interact in terms of rights and privileges they have makes total sense. But in terms of conversation, in terms of how we treat and respect our children, when they get roughly around the age of 13. Keep in mind like so in other words, this is puberty. So keep in mind that once they pass

00:15:41--> 00:16:17

that stage, they are considered to be mature, and we should treat them and talk to them maturely. And this is something that the Prophet peace be upon him taught us to do. So too, when I see young, when I see teenagers at that age group, I speak to them like I would speak to an adult. And sometimes they're a little bit shocked. Sometimes they're surprised that we would talk to them that way. And unfortunately, because of, you know, society that we live in, when we're told that this is like an adolescent age, and they haven't reached maturity until they're 18, or 19, it's almost as if we're encouraging that kind of behavior. We're encouraging them to just stay immature when you're 13

00:16:17--> 00:16:59

or 14 years old. And we know that there are literally hundreds and 1000s of stories of every religion of every background of young people doing great things. There are stories that pre probably all of us we have of people that we either know, or we've read about or we heard of that, you know, when they're 13, when they're 15, they were able to do incredible and great things. And even today, we can see on the news that they're exceptional leaders around the world, Greta thunberg, who is climate change activists, have some panel, look at her, she's young, I don't even know what he is. But I think she's still like maybe 13, or 12, or I don't know, but young and some kind of look at

00:16:59--> 00:17:30

the profound impact that she's had on the entire planet. And so, so it really just shows that, at the end of the day, if we encourage young people, especially when they reach around this age period, it's it's amazing what they would have the potential of doing and the confidence that they can have within themselves. And this is something that Islam encouraged and teach and teaches us a less than final thing, brothers and sisters, to summarize all the rights, I mean, we're not going to list them because

00:17:31--> 00:18:15

again, they complement one another, that is at the end of the day to provide provide the needs of your kids, not the desires or the wants of your children, but to provide the needs of their kids in order for them to sustain a healthy and normal life in whatever culture or society you belong to. And so with that being said, I hope that this does give some perspective of in terms of our responsibilities as parents, remember, a lot did not give us children so that we could exemplify and illustrate how much we can control another human being, or how much we can steer or put down another human being. Allah gave us that privilege. so that we are able to build a legacy a positive one, and

00:18:15--> 00:18:58

raise a child, another human being. Give them all of the tools and the skills that they need, so that they can continue that legacy that they could have their own family one day and make positive contribution to the world one day in their own way. Those are the things as to why Allah subhanho wa Taala encourages us to have children and the Prophet alayhi salatu salam told us and best [???]al whether to Pharaoh that try to have many kids best shuttle, you know, multiply it's it's Arabic way of saying, Listen, young family, or any family out there one child to have as many kids as you can, without two nephews and don't be stingy about it. Kids are a blessing. As we mentioned poor ankles,

00:18:58--> 00:19:09

kids, some are out there like fruits, you know, they're pleasant, you know, they're joyful, they make you happy. Enjoy your children. Enjoy those kids. And even if you have one child subpanel lump

00:19:10--> 00:19:52

and that child's a daughter, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told us if you have three daughters, and you raise them with mercy, and you treat them with dignity, the Hellfire is how long for you, the parents? The Sahaba is when they heard that they'll sahabas Sal to sue the law. What if we have two daughters? says okay, fine, two daughters. Another Sahabi cambiato solo wife I have one daughter says okay, we have one daughter as well. Do you have a daughter? It's it's different. That's special. And it's a matter of fact, we will have an installment just on daughters. What makes daughters special in our Deen how, how different it is in terms of our interaction. And of course

00:19:52--> 00:20:00

within that conversation, we're also going to talk about you know certain dynamics when raising you know, a daughter versus a son. Some of the things

00:20:00--> 00:20:40

Psychologists and experts encouraged us to consider when you have, you know, the two opposites and trying to raise them in a similar way to be to be conscious of the certain needs and desires and habits that, you know, the the daughter will have as opposed to the sun or vice versa. So some of the things, some of the considerations, we're going to talk about those things in sha Allah Tada, and, of course, islamically what, whatever religion teaches us on that subject. So with that being said, this is just a brief bird's eye view, glimpse over some of the rights that children have. So at the end of the day, parents out there understand your kids have rights over you, they have the

00:20:40--> 00:21:14

right to demand this from you, to be treated fairly, to be represented fairly, to be accepted, to be appreciated, to be loved to be cared for all of the things that we already do just understand it's not a desire or choice it is a right that is demanded upon us first and foremost from Allah subhanho wa Taala and then our kids so with that being said may align so god bless all of you reward all of you protect all of you protect your families and your children love them. I mean, until we meet again, guys, you take care of yourselves with said Mr. alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato