A Family Affair

Yaser Birjas

Channel: Yaser Birjas

Episode Notes

share this pageShare Page

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:19--> 00:00:22

Camera the mother led or savvy or seldom at the Sleeman kathira

00:00:25--> 00:00:46

Mashallah with the presence of all these beautiful faces because the sisters, and a very warm welcome and it is my first time in this area, my first time in the masjid in this area. As a matter of fact, I didn't even know that there was this area until just last weekend. So I'm really impressed by the great achievement of the Muslim community in this in this area. So

00:00:48--> 00:00:51

I mean, family affairs is the topic of our evening show.

00:00:53--> 00:01:10

And I'm a very strong believer, like I know of so many other people who believe in the same way. I'm a very strong believer that love in the family life can fix very, very broken relationships between children and parents, between husband and wife.

00:01:11--> 00:01:19

The question is, how do you define it? And how do you define it? Once you find it? Allah subhanho wa Taala says in

00:01:20--> 00:01:36

a room, woman I a tea and Hala pada coming full circle, as well as Korea, and among his size is this that he has created for you. He has created for you not for anybody else, but you

00:01:38--> 00:01:38

mean

00:01:39--> 00:01:45

amongst yourselves as well. And he's couple of his spouses, as well.

00:01:47--> 00:01:55

What what's the purpose of it has to be so that you might find peace and tranquility, then

00:01:56--> 00:02:00

you're supposed to find peace and tranquility when you get married, right?

00:02:05--> 00:02:14

says My God, is that really the purpose of getting married? So I'm having all these difficulties right now. Once again, it depends on how you define it.

00:02:15--> 00:02:33

Allah subhanho wa Taala says, latest guru ha ha so that you might find peace and tranquility with them. So the husband we assumed the husband would find essential why the wife should find peace and tranquility with her husband. And then hamdulillah we live happily ever after.

00:02:34--> 00:02:41

But that's not the reality of life. Oh god afterwards continuing to hire. Well, jalapeno mama what the Torah

00:02:42--> 00:02:55

and he placed between you know, between two brackets between your hearts. My what was the word mawatha is one of the shades of love.

00:02:56--> 00:02:58

The Arabic language the word love is

00:03:01--> 00:03:10

two letters. Ha. And Bob, just two letters. so easy and so simple to pronounce. So difficult to achieve.

00:03:12--> 00:03:16

said well, jalapeno Kumamoto. One thing unique about the Arabic

00:03:17--> 00:03:43

is that when it comes to words, there are different words that represent a spectrum of two extremes on the right side on the left side and then you have love shades in between. So, each one of them each shade or each part of that spectrum actually gives a shade of the meaning of that word. So the common word for love and the Arabic language is hope. However, they hope can come in the relationship in many, many different forms.

00:03:45--> 00:03:57

Remember, those people will remember yourself on your own, how you interpret it. And then when you get married, how we can define and we have the first job became different. Whenever the first slide I began.

00:03:59--> 00:04:06

It all translates itself and transforms a simple difference. On stage one of these shades the profit or loss assessment

00:04:07--> 00:04:40

and the shade of love hearing. It has the sense and the meaning of kindness, gentleness, that's the meaning of love with the word Mama. If you want to talk about lustful love, the gorgeous animal so they're gonna talk about me crazy would love that we are that a you might have other two shades of it as well. We have something that that makes you sick sacrifice to love it. It has all sorts of shades, but the one Allah subhanho wa Taala chose for this ayah says,

00:04:42--> 00:04:49

Love is associated with kindness and tenderness. And then the other side of the other quality of lost mother says

00:04:50--> 00:04:52

and nursing which

00:04:54--> 00:04:59

manifests between your hearts, my wisdom, there is love in that sense in that shade of love or not.

00:05:00--> 00:05:01

Man and mercy.

00:05:02--> 00:05:03

You guys know

00:05:05--> 00:05:06

when someone says this

00:05:07--> 00:05:17

is the most merciful, most compassionate social love and mercy, mercy, for your knowledge is one of the shades of love.

00:05:19--> 00:05:24

It's one of the shades of love. That's why Allah subhanho wa Taala has a lot

00:05:25--> 00:05:43

of love for he creates a panel with Allah, He shows them this compassion. That's what he's the most compassionate. Everybody, what does your mama daddy says, because of that, we understand the love, create all of this out of love, somehow, what is creation? Now we also have this amongst ourselves.

00:05:45--> 00:05:54

So we have love and mercy between a husband and wife a question. So why would associate it together? Because that's what the reality of life

00:05:56--> 00:06:05

Relationships usually run on one of these two qualities, love and mercy, the best and the perfect relationship is the one that runs on both.

00:06:07--> 00:06:09

But most relationships, unfortunately,

00:06:10--> 00:06:13

under stress, they start running out of one

00:06:15--> 00:06:19

example of the uncouple when they first get married, what would they be running on?

00:06:21--> 00:06:22

Is it love or mercy?

00:06:23--> 00:06:24

Love

00:06:25--> 00:07:03

the uncover they only see themselves through the eyes and the glasses of love. But then as they get older in relationship, maybe two or three years down the road, and you have the first child, second child. And then what happens? That's when the tension starts arising and love would be put to test. What does it mean? How to understand the relationship is different right now? You asked a woman who's been married for the past 15 years and her husband. And you tell her if you just if I don't know if you guys always fight over these issues, tiny little issues, you always fight about issues. Why are you staying still staying in this relationship? Why wouldn't you just go out you just find a

00:07:03--> 00:07:08

divorce and then live your life? She goes because I feel sorry for him.

00:07:12--> 00:07:18

I'm afraid if I divorce him, he's so clumsy. He won't be able to take care of himself. Isn't this love?

00:07:21--> 00:07:35

She's staying with him out of mercy. This relationship is only my mercy. As your mom said. Same thing you asked the guy who says yeah, just keeping on my ego nice so much that you're so annoyed by the relationship, why don't just get divorce and move on with your life.

00:07:36--> 00:07:37

Just for the children.

00:07:38--> 00:07:49

I just go for lunch, I want the children to have both parents together. So I'm willing to suck it in and accept that situation. For the sake of the children. Isn't this nursing? mercy.

00:07:50--> 00:08:35

So love and mercy are the two thing that keeps you know the relationship running. I'm not now saying that this is an ideal scenario to run on mercy only on nursing, at the same time not saying to be idealistic, always on top, you have to have them both in the relationship. And just for your knowledge. As you grow in the relationship. Love will transfer itself from one level to the other. Slowly and gradually. It can last very long and can stay very short, very strong believer that love can really fix the most broken relationship if we do understand it properly. No wonder the last panel that made this one of his great signs in the item reciting to you. Allah subhana wa says one

00:08:35--> 00:09:16

min II and highlight palette for men and physical massage. Among this sign is this that he has created for you for one yourselves spouses for so they just couldn't relate. So he says from amongst his sons, this is one of his greatest signs, signs about what and what this creation. This I'll come in the context of speaking about the creation of the heavens and the earth, the creation of man, the production of human beings, the different tongues and languages the magnificent creation of Allah subhanho wa Taala and they're in the middle, a loss of power. This isn't one of these greatest signs of this creation, that he has good man and woman so they could get together and marriage and

00:09:16--> 00:09:26

relationship. So they find peace and tranquility with each other. Why? based on love and mercy. He said this is one of his one of the greatest signs. And then he said at the end of the

00:09:27--> 00:09:29

day Nakula wanted to walk in.

00:09:31--> 00:09:52

He said that use you shall find science there. And for those who reflects again, bringing the word science I am so twice he is telling you there's a great secret and this kind of organization, that family organization the relationship between husband and wife, a loss of

00:09:54--> 00:09:59

love and mercy. You can easily summarize them in two words passion

00:10:00--> 00:10:01

Compassion?

00:10:02--> 00:10:10

How can we see that in real life? How can we toggle and realize the best example? The best example for us in this regard? Is

00:10:12--> 00:10:13

your father, right?

00:10:14--> 00:10:20

Your father's your best example, your mother know about your grandfather. Why?

00:10:25--> 00:10:26

Because you know, there's something wrong in that.

00:10:28--> 00:10:37

Somehow align our culture and our traditions as Muslim human beings in general. kids grow up learning one pattern, what pattern is

00:10:38--> 00:10:38

their own?

00:10:40--> 00:10:46

Little boys is how his father futures Mother, how do you expect him to treat his wife when he grows up?

00:10:47--> 00:11:33

What do you learn? Well, you see, the woman she sees how her mother was treated. Our mother is her father. So she grows a basic learner. That was in traditional societies, guess what it has changed, my parents need to understand has changed. Because your kids are now they have more than one outlet to learn about many things, besides just having you and your mother and the other spouse as a source of education, the learning through the TV, through readings, to the internet, to other friends that are always outside there, spend more time outside, whether on campus and massage in activities wherever they go on and they will spend time with you to learn from you. So expecting your children

00:11:33--> 00:11:39

by virtue of being under your roof, living under a roof to grow up the way you want it to be you Daydream.

00:11:40--> 00:12:03

So you need to wake up, and make sure that you have arrived a nice line of communication with your children, that you understand how to communicate love, to them shallow dialogue, and for them in a relationship. Again, this is to tell us of course, this now one of the greatest secrets, and the best person that will be from whom we learn the secret or how to apply that will be the Messenger of Allah. So

00:12:07--> 00:12:16

what people they want to see in relationship, they want to see many things many qualities and I would like to share with you some examples of the purpose of lifestyles.

00:12:31--> 00:13:11

What I would like to share with you is just the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, how the prophets also lived his lives as a great man, as a great family, man. So I'm sure that whenever we hear the word, Muhammad Sallallahu, what is the first the first image that comes to the mind in regard to the prophets or something like that, Mr. neuroma? That's what comes to, it comes to mind as a great personality character. But as a great man who said, Oh, who sacrificed everything he had, for the cause of the last panel to deliver the message of the law. So just so that you today in the 21st century, somewhere in the middle of New Jersey, in the middle of the power, all this whole

00:13:11--> 00:13:13

urban areas, and you're saying,

00:13:15--> 00:13:19

Can you imagine this, to look around, you have much diversity,

00:13:20--> 00:13:23

but still, we also all share the same common ground.

00:13:25--> 00:13:30

The prophets, Allah says, as a messenger, he was a human being even before he

00:13:32--> 00:14:18

didn't allow them at the end of South Africa. In a nutshell, say all Mohammed say to them, yeah, Mohammed, in a nutshell, I am a human being. That's what he was instructed to say. He was a human being. But then somebody might say, I agree with me, but he was a superior human being super human. That's why we can't do what he did. No, no, no, no, in order to dispel these claims and apprehensions about this issue, or loss of power that instructed him to say immediately, Miss, look, I'm just like you. She's in a room with a human being just like you. So no one would have an excuse to say, Yeah, he was a human being, but you know, he was different. He was the Prophet he was this

00:14:18--> 00:14:32

he was that all these limits, this is not to follow his example, can be thrown out the window because of this for us to look just like you The only difference you have in a simulation some of us

00:14:33--> 00:14:48

so he was a great message of satellite or cellular, and his aspect is his practice of other human aspect because life is part of the tradition that we all obligated to follow. As human beings. We follow that example. How did he live his life

00:14:50--> 00:14:59

as a family man, the process of loss and lived his life as he lived his wife's a loss and as a father, in his life as a son before he became a father.

00:15:00--> 00:15:16

Is that as a husband? So here this line as as a friend, so he had different than multiple roles? Scylla audio silicondust society? How can we all relate or so? Perfect? So awesome, let's let's do that together.

00:15:17--> 00:15:20

First of all Rasulullah sallallahu he was

00:15:21--> 00:15:23

the son, who was his mother in law.

00:15:26--> 00:15:28

How old was he when she died?

00:15:31--> 00:15:44

Barely he could barely remember, could barely remember. And I'm sure many of us mature. This feeling right now says, Hi mine. Imagine yourself growing up a child. When there's no father knows no mother around.

00:15:45--> 00:16:22

I'm sure there are people who are experienced in their lives. But most of the people would have the pleasure of having both parents around when they were growing up. Someday might be tested by having one missing or reason or another rose. Imagine like a prophet, some of us growing up, normally around them. However, when I became messenger of Allah sallallahu wasallam, he never forgot I was six years old. What would he remember from that time they spent all this money. Still when he became a messenger of Allah and he went to Medina, she his mother was buried somewhere out there in the outskirts of the city of Medina.

00:16:23--> 00:16:38

So he asked for Allah subhanho wa Taala, to give him permission to seek forgiveness from his mom, she died before Islam. So assume that she was not Muslim. And therefore, when you asked for permission to seek forgiveness for a loss of power that was said, No.

00:16:39--> 00:16:44

It wasn't given the permission to seek forgiveness for his mother, me. Or her basically, he said, no, no.

00:16:46--> 00:16:50

But then he asked, okay, at least, grandmother permission to visit her grave.

00:16:51--> 00:16:52

And he was given that permission.

00:16:53--> 00:17:21

So he takes the journey. So a lot of them he basically goes to visit the grave of his mother. That's the way he could at least meet with her. She's dead. So you visit her grave. And he took a group of Sahaba one and they want to accompany him to the, to the side of the job, his mother. And as he was standing there, I want you to visualize that scene right now. This is the profits of of our salon, in Medina. After the migration. Can you guess his age?

00:17:33--> 00:17:34

First of all, when he received

00:17:35--> 00:17:36

How long was it?

00:17:38--> 00:17:40

How long? How long did he stay in Makkah before immigration?

00:17:42--> 00:17:43

Did what is this right now.

00:17:45--> 00:17:51

He went to Medina, he spent at least 234 years. So you're talking about someone who's close to 60 years old.

00:17:53--> 00:17:55

60 years old, and he still remembers his mother.

00:17:58--> 00:18:07

We have people who are younger than that. And they're so cruel. When it comes to talking about their parents, their mothers, their fathers

00:18:08--> 00:18:10

are so cruel.

00:18:11--> 00:18:21

Their hearts are so cold. their feelings are so as part of this. So then, when it comes to talking about their parents, and their mother, their father's

00:18:23--> 00:19:03

16th close to 60 years old. And he still remembers his mother, who did not collect memories more than six years of his tender age, similar seven of which you could not even remember more than two years, the last two years that he could remember anything besides besides that it was too young to remember anything about him. Still in his late 50s. He remembers his mother and he wants to visit her grave. Today people have so many people can't even come closer to this. So he was so motivated to the extent that he wanted to go and visit her great. So he goes there.

00:19:04--> 00:19:11

And as he was standing there, knowing that the woman was lying underneath this pile of dirt was his beloved mother.

00:19:13--> 00:19:23

Not being able to make that he wanted to do for her. He felt overwhelmed with emotion. He was overwhelmed. He starts crying.

00:19:25--> 00:19:31

I can visualize that. A man in his 50s close to 60 years old and he's crying

00:19:33--> 00:19:37

about what about the loss of his model. So what

00:19:39--> 00:19:48

is crying his tears? those around him starts crying as well. This subscriber is crying, La ilaha illAllah.

00:19:49--> 00:19:50

And she was there.

00:19:53--> 00:19:58

Allah Subhana Allah bless you today to live and learn about the story.

00:19:59--> 00:20:00

Why don't you go

00:20:00--> 00:20:04

Do about your parents, your mother and your father? What are you gonna do about?

00:20:05--> 00:20:09

A man came to the prophets of Allah Salaam. He said, a lot, man

00:20:10--> 00:20:21

who's the man who had who is entitled to the best companionship in my life? Who should I give the best companionship in this life? He said some a lot osela your wife?

00:20:22--> 00:20:24

Right? What is it?

00:20:25--> 00:20:25

As your mom?

00:20:27--> 00:20:39

It says you're right. No, no mother, your mother? Is it your mother? So why did we say most people they say your wife, your wife, your wife, and then your wife?

00:20:43--> 00:20:45

The wife, your husband has to

00:20:46--> 00:20:48

leave room as Mr.

00:20:50--> 00:20:53

Johnson who's intelligent the best companionship he said your mother.

00:20:55--> 00:21:02

Man did not perhaps expect that answer because it was about what? What friendship companionship. So the Prophet told him you know,

00:21:03--> 00:21:22

he was expecting your wife to talk about companionship, what is the deal people have in your mind? Longer companionship, some sort of, you know, relations that are outside the normal relationship we all know. So what do you want when you got the first answer was shocked is a new model. So it's all good. So he said, Ella, sola

00:21:23--> 00:21:27

comes next. The Prophet says your mother

00:21:33--> 00:21:41

repeating himself. So he's doubtful. He said, Okay, so who is next? The brothers awesome, says your mother.

00:21:45--> 00:21:47

So purposely he was repeating the word.

00:21:48--> 00:21:58

Then you said okay. Also law, who comes? That's what he said, your father, they're mad at us anymore. You know why? Because that's it.

00:21:59--> 00:22:05

The circles for the squares. When you divide that four quarters were done.

00:22:06--> 00:22:29

Three quarters, your mother, and one quarter to father. So if you ever if you have your parents alive, or loving every possible thing that you could do to bring happiness to their hearts in this world, because agenda as the profits of the laws themselves, son, Jana, entering the gate to paradise are there underneath their feet.

00:22:31--> 00:22:32

It's just

00:22:33--> 00:22:34

easy access.

00:22:36--> 00:22:43

And if you lost any one of them, still not too late. The prophet SAW my son, he was asked the question, What can I do?

00:22:46--> 00:23:31

How can I still be useful to my parents even long after they're gone? The property gives them structure that you maintain the same thing that you do to maintain for them what before they die, by keeping good companionship to their friends, be given charity on their behalf, make it too hard for them. And again, keep good ties with their kinship, kinship. And, and their family, family and relatives. So you maintain that and you will get the same reward as if they were alive. So sort of law has sort of a sudden he did he did that. So a lot of loving was around money. And when he did Medina, Medina he everybody was fighting to get the prophets of Allah seven to stay with him.

00:23:32--> 00:23:34

Guess what, he chose the lesson to stay?

00:23:35--> 00:23:40

Well, you alongside you know why? Because he was related to this.

00:23:42--> 00:23:51

He was from his uncle's, Hawaii but in the job. So he still kept that in mind. So a lot while he was when he first arrived in area like

00:23:53--> 00:24:02

Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, then he grew up after he was a young child. And he got married to Toledo.

00:24:04--> 00:24:14

So how Allah when we study the seal of the prophets of Salaam, nothing much we really know about the kind of life the progress was on hand with his wife.

00:24:15--> 00:24:20

Nothing much compared to how much we know about that relationship with ISIS.

00:24:23--> 00:24:41

So we don't know that much really, how however, however, the little that we know about the professor's and his feelings towards Khadija may speaks volumes, volume and that shows you the kind of relationship of love and mercy they had in that beautiful relationship so a lot of love.

00:24:43--> 00:24:45

When I was there, she was

00:24:47--> 00:24:52

so kind, so passionate and compassionate, whatever whatever the purpose

00:24:53--> 00:24:59

was, and stress and distress. He runs after Allah subhanho wa Taala his beloved wife, libido

00:25:00--> 00:25:12

He would feel he would feel welcome. And he was always really encouraged and encouragement from him. Imagine that every man in this world comes back from work, you find this encouraging environment in the house.

00:25:14--> 00:25:16

Now there is this about bring me Mohammed.

00:25:20--> 00:25:22

And I agree with you 100%.

00:25:23--> 00:25:31

I agree with you 100% because most men demand Khadija in their houses when they're not even coming closer to

00:25:32--> 00:25:33

even the youngest.

00:25:35--> 00:25:51

So it's a mutual effort on both ends, don't just take this, on Saturday, see, see what the progress is and said, both of us it's a mutual effort both ends we have to work so hard to bring love and diversity with our relationship. So why is

00:25:52--> 00:26:10

she loved so much that whenever people come when I mean one of the most beloved, the most beloved attempts of the Law Center, when she touched or talked about Teresa by in any way that he thought it was hurtful to her, long after she was dead, he sallallahu wasallam was taught her there.

00:26:11--> 00:26:50

Asha was the most beloved when he was asked you also a lot, who was the most beloved to you? He said, I should search for music. Do you need to ask a question? There's no question about that. So it's very obvious. However, when I say something to the Prophet, someone, someone gets very upset. One guy one time, the process a lot, a lot of somebody here received a gift, a gift of meat, cooked meat based, perhaps a need for distribution. So the process of a lot it was done in the presence of Arusha. He said, order the meat to be cut and given to the Friends of halogen to send this to the front of colleges. So what she was

00:26:51--> 00:26:56

basically his teaching credential was friends of Korea for the sake of his wife.

00:26:57--> 00:26:59

Ayesha, was there a couple jealous?

00:27:00--> 00:27:20

Jealous, was already dead. But she just felt so jealous at this her mentioned it's kind of irritating. So she said, Yeah, so I mean, why do you keep mentioning this old lady after she became dusted her grave when I was giving you such and such, you know, beautiful maiden, Lady about herself. And also the progress or some new stuff, they said, Ah, never say that again.

00:27:21--> 00:27:24

There's never and then he starts counting the qualities of

00:27:26--> 00:27:28

she was the one who supported me whenever

00:27:29--> 00:27:54

she was the one who gave me He gave me comfort. She sacrificed her time. She sacrificed even he said her money on her world. He said, we love she was the one or the other. And she basically he was telling her she was everything for me when everybody else was away, turning away from me. And that's why the profits I was I maintain so much loving relationship. He never got mad at you during that time at all, except

00:27:57--> 00:28:24

for so long is that he was very faithful, that relationship and also has worked for in other relationships a lot, a lot of so much we're going to talk about later but now for Khadija Ivana. Imagine that you visualize that model in your life, both husband and wife. They get together, you know what brought them together besides just the loving relationship they had? Well, like it's that ultimate goal that they all seek is the pleasure of a loss of time.

00:28:26--> 00:28:27

It is the pleasure of the last.

00:28:29--> 00:28:52

One of the progress Some of us have come down from the Cave of Hira shivering and shaking. And she wrapped him okay, it's okay. He told her I was so scared for myself. What did you say about him? He says color white I think a lot. A lot whatever this question. Somehow look at this woman. How she stands by her husband time of difficulty legacy said no, I know you. I know. She knew me from before.

00:28:54--> 00:29:16

It was enough for 115 years right now. And she was 30 she was counting his good qualities. You're such a good person. You maintain good relations with different with your families. You help the food you always get around there when people need you said she was counting this quality she knew about the quality of her husband's who supports him she's not alone loss partner will not this will not his discretion.

00:29:17--> 00:29:24

And indeed, the last panel demanded the Messenger of Allah. So what did she do in return for this? She became the first

00:29:25--> 00:29:28

all the love that I'm not alone more than 30

00:29:29--> 00:29:31

and that's why a lot how to get

00:29:33--> 00:29:38

a place in a gentleman that no one else no woman will get anything like this very

00:29:40--> 00:29:43

well, so a lot of us have. I'm from college and he had all his children except for

00:29:45--> 00:29:59

just all his children except for Ronnie. So he we don't know much really about the relationship between sola his service and his children when they were young kids, but we know so much as they were sort of growing older Palawan of these beautiful and amazing and amazing

00:30:00--> 00:30:19

Feelings are sort of like assaults on the Father. He was like anyone else like any other man. Like any other man, you love your children, you take you take care of them, you protect them. And guess what? You hate to lose them during your lifetime, don't you? How many of you would love to lose his children during this lifetime? I

00:30:21--> 00:30:31

know, you'll love to see your kids to grow up to become a lot of their age. You see, Mashallah, the results of your work in this dunya hopefully in the archives to be positive.

00:30:32--> 00:30:41

So you all love that. And here's also what he saw was, he was watching his children died, one after the other during his lifetime.

00:30:43--> 00:30:44

First is when the boys

00:30:47--> 00:31:08

were Abdullah. They died in infancy. Whenever I remember these stories will like it just amazed how we had to endure all these fees and hardships, as a great messenger of Allah as a test. And if anyone if anyone who deserve to be spared if anyone deserves to be spared the pain of losing a child should be civilized.

00:31:09--> 00:31:20

But the prophets Allah Salah was not spread that pain. So what about you? If something happens to tell us that's complaining? You stop whining about it. Something wrong has happened between

00:31:21--> 00:31:24

you and your child. You start complaining and blame a lot.

00:31:25--> 00:31:34

Why? and his son never complained about this. Then his daughters, one after the other, dying in his lifetime.

00:31:39--> 00:32:15

And then when he went and then also in Medina afterwards, they never Culebra, his eldest daughter, she dies. And as the rains were preparing her, he came and approached him. He says, When you're done washing out preparing him, call me. Just call me before you start wrapping them. So when they wash and return them, they give the promise that they're ready. So he gave them is out of government. So law 70 says, please refer with us. I want her to be blessed with that. So they're out there with that. And when they brought her to the grave rasulillah his other son was there crying,

00:32:16--> 00:32:27

crying as he was buried his own daughter saw what it was around Molly, and who was that? He that was the bigger to him which means is the first child the first job?

00:32:28--> 00:32:40

title of a father sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Can you imagine losing your child like this? So how Allah then the only child that left and survived the province of Assam was faulty, moldy alone.

00:32:42--> 00:32:53

faulty Moldovan, she brought the joy of the world to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam personally, and then with her children, it has 100% you see,

00:32:55--> 00:33:39

every time he sees Fatima, he stops everything that he was doing. And he would go straight to greeter, he will stand up for herself. And it was said that he would kiss her on her forehead, probably a lot on Alibaba. And he brings her to sit next to them as close as possible. And as he speaks, he always pays attention to her and what she says he was very good listener, Solari calm how many times you had a child coming to you says Baba, mom, and as they start speaking you interrupt them Why? Because Come on look at these silly things. Yeah, I have much more important things to go about that this nagging and you know between you and your siblings go on so within your own I'm done

00:33:39--> 00:33:55

with this all these kind of you know argument that you have with your children when was the last time you just stopped for your five year old child and you listen to them as they speak whatever was they learned so far to speak to explain a complex situations

00:33:56--> 00:33:56

because

00:33:58--> 00:34:01

what is the last time you know the story of us It

00:34:03--> 00:34:10

begins by the event of the dream the use of sodium he was a child and he went to

00:34:12--> 00:34:34

India he had a shot curriculum for shamsul have come a long way to Lisa Judy. You know if you see if you check the Arabic expression it's it's so beautiful so Pamela god it says all my father the audio over this up by saying that sound like saying that it's much more beautiful. Like say Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy who says daddy 30 years old say daddy

00:34:37--> 00:34:43

when they when they pass maybe five years or six till they stop saying that and they start saying that whatever.

00:34:49--> 00:34:54

Child coming up to his father it says yeah, daddy daddy.

00:34:55--> 00:34:56

In

00:34:57--> 00:34:59

Pokemon, I've seen 11 plans. Coco

00:35:00--> 00:35:14

So I've seen the sun and the moon. I saw them what I saw them frustrating to me or before me. You don't want to just repeat themselves a few times as they talk, right? That's what they say. That's what he said,

00:35:15--> 00:35:22

or daddy daddy had seen. And then he says, and I've seen them, again, repeat themselves more than one time

00:35:25--> 00:35:33

that he repeated again. So I heard that one. repeat that again. I never say the same thing over and over again. But still, yeah.

00:35:34--> 00:35:50

He was misinterpreting his child, and you gave him positive feedback. When was the last time you talk to your child and you give them you give them a feedback that made them feel good. Instead of giving them instructions? Go and do this? Don't do that again. When was that?

00:35:51--> 00:36:11

Why do we break all these lines of communication with our children, Priscilla has some of us was always a good communicator. So a lot of body was an ally, poppema, even she remembers when he was giving her this special attention, moments, basic quality time. He was she was in the presence of the otherwise specifically It

00:36:12--> 00:36:24

was close to the death of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. So as they were speaking the prophets on a Sunday, he paid attention to him. And so he whispered something to her. You see, just Kenny, I want you to visualize

00:36:26--> 00:36:27

this sitting together in this session.

00:36:30--> 00:36:30

And then,

00:36:32--> 00:36:34

and he starts whispering something.

00:36:36--> 00:36:39

Suddenly photographs in tears starts crying.

00:36:40--> 00:36:49

Then the progress has been so bad that he broke her heart because of what he said. So he just goes back again. And he whispered something else to her. So she said given

00:36:50--> 00:36:52

this is just like holding her to and this

00:36:54--> 00:36:56

and then finish it with a smile.

00:36:57--> 00:37:01

No, everybody, I'm shaking. I'm thinking right now. They're just you guys are dying to know that all right.

00:37:04--> 00:37:10

She was there. The moment Fatima was leaving, she went to the store to holiday she said to me said by the way, what was

00:37:12--> 00:37:16

the crying laughing? She told me no, that's a secret of a prophet. And

00:37:18--> 00:37:23

then a few days later, the professor said passed away. A lot of how long did it take?

00:37:25--> 00:37:29

Selling good now that the purpose of selling was gone? So now tell me what was.

00:37:31--> 00:37:37

She told her the prophet SAW somebody whispered to me that he is going to be leaving very soon.

00:37:38--> 00:37:40

And suddenly, she's fine.

00:37:42--> 00:37:50

with them to make a good the progress awesome giver the use of don't? Don't? Don't you want to be one of the fair ladies of agenda?

00:37:51--> 00:38:08

Of course. I mean, everybody wants to be like that, like be the first lady. Well, Jen can imagine that title. So she stopped laughing goodness, like God, of course I want to. So she stopped another aeration. He gave her the news that she's going to be following him soon, six months after he passed away from Alaska, for the Moscow.

00:38:10--> 00:38:39

his grandchildren has to say, you know as a man in this profession, so a lot of a sudden, he was a great leader, a great messenger of Allah, good politician, educator, you name it, everything you can think of in his life, that was impossible on his soul, it was ever and even in your life. However, even though with this so busy schedule, he would have time to go and spend some time with these kids. With Bahasa they used to say

00:38:40--> 00:38:45

if he was missing in action, they were looking for him it wasn't there says most likely to find him and

00:38:47--> 00:38:58

sure enough, one time I was looking for the Messenger of Allah sallallahu wasallam he said it is not there in the message, that message so so what should we find them? So Gordon? Must be there.

00:38:59--> 00:39:04

So go he goes to the wasserfall Thema. And what does he do over there? What is he doing in the house of

00:39:05--> 00:39:07

given orders and commands? Know

00:39:08--> 00:39:19

when he came in and he saw the profits of our seller, it was such an amazing sight. He sees the Prophet sallallahu wasallam on his knees, for on for playing horses.

00:39:22--> 00:39:25

Can you imagine the omens waiting for the prophet SAW some respect horses?

00:39:28--> 00:39:30

So then when I saw that he just

00:39:31--> 00:39:31

said, so.

00:39:35--> 00:39:36

Such a fancy right my

00:39:39--> 00:39:41

response to this to the best night's

00:39:45--> 00:39:47

joke. He was joking.

00:39:51--> 00:39:59

So then the promises that we take that hasn't been sent down and he would go and attend these serious matters. So even the Messenger of Allah I'm sure some people say

00:40:00--> 00:40:07

Look, establish the image that I have all of a sudden, I couldn't even imagine that it would be on for pain horse over the shoulder. Why not?

00:40:09--> 00:40:13

Why not? Is it because you don't do it? Are you too old for this?

00:40:15--> 00:40:19

I guess how old was he? When he was doing that? He was already in his 60s.

00:40:21--> 00:40:30

He was only 67. And he was doing that. So a lot of money. So if you're still in your 20s, and 30s, and 40s, and 50s, are still younger than the poverty data.

00:40:31--> 00:40:33

So don't say I can do this. It's not my style.

00:40:34--> 00:40:40

I don't want my kids to be literally right on my back and in my life.

00:40:42--> 00:40:51

Why did you get that way? You're acting, you're acting like this bad one. But one time came to the prophet SAW Allah said on the Messenger of Allah.

00:40:52--> 00:41:33

He received him as the head of his delegation is then applied in house. He was the head of his tribe, basically, can you imagine like a, an opposition, such a hard position like this. So the proper takes him to honor the guest of such status to come to the house and he went to the house on his on his way to the house, he stopped by the House of Fatima. Stop for a few minutes here. I see the kids and we go and he stops, he stops with that guest so you could receive the children. And when father a lot he heard the prophet SAW some calling them he used to call them by Luca, Luca. Luca is just like a cat. What if you forget, like saying, where's that weasel and all that kind of

00:41:33--> 00:41:39

nice work. So she was holding the kids. And when it was time she lifted, they came running.

00:41:40--> 00:41:42

And as they jumped on him, so

00:41:43--> 00:41:48

there was a report that he would hold their hands, and they would be climbing on his legs.

00:41:50--> 00:42:00

Can you imagine you standing holding their hands, and they'll be climbing with their feet on his legs until they get to the level of his chest, and then he hugs them? Then he kissed them.

00:42:01--> 00:42:05

So when he kissed the child, and he puts them down, that man was

00:42:07--> 00:42:07

falling.

00:42:09--> 00:42:09

I says,

00:42:12--> 00:42:14

Do you kiss your children, which means

00:42:16--> 00:42:33

you do that? So the professor was surprised and shocked. He says, of course, the man says, and he was proud of him as achievement. He as a father, of course, he says, in nearly isotta middle word. I have 10 children. I've never kissed anyone of them.

00:42:37--> 00:42:38

So awesome. He said

00:42:42--> 00:42:45

What can I do for you for loss of Hannah data has taken mercy out of your hands.

00:42:47--> 00:43:02

If you never touched your child in a positive way to encourage them, to show them kindness, mercy, tenderness, then you missed a lot. If you've never done that before by the future or the past 10 1112 years old.

00:43:05--> 00:43:07

Don't go home. My son

00:43:10--> 00:43:11

Excuse me?

00:43:13--> 00:43:14

Well, have you been

00:43:19--> 00:43:32

it You did not if we did, we did not grow up in the house feeling that love and kindness and tenderness. It's never too late. It's never too late. But you need to start a good line of communication with your children and

00:43:33--> 00:43:34

your daughter.

00:43:35--> 00:43:36

Alyssa was a great husband,

00:43:37--> 00:43:46

with his wife, great husband, some people they complain about one relationship with one wife, he must have the property that nine one says him when he personally had nine wives.

00:43:48--> 00:44:04

And hamdulillah his relationship with his wife was like a relationship. It goes up and down. Some issues that you call it you know, complaints, talking too much nagging, too demanding all these things all happen in the light.

00:44:07--> 00:44:14

And women might complain about their husband saying you know, I hate what I'm what I hate the most about him is his silent treatment.

00:44:15--> 00:44:22

When he wants to act like the man who doesn't talk at all goes silent. So do you want to it is still quite

00:44:24--> 00:44:26

fun. It's in the fridge.

00:44:28--> 00:44:32

So why why do we like this? in our life.

00:44:34--> 00:44:40

We're human beings. A man has his ego. He has his pride and how much he feels hurt, not being cared for and so on.

00:44:42--> 00:44:51

Was that love and mercy? That one measure? It's by choice. Unfortunately, we try to avoid treating each other fairly. So here's

00:44:53--> 00:45:00

he has multiple occasions with his wife when he has some issues like this. One of these issues they will always get it whenever they hear about the

00:45:00--> 00:45:08

knew that received World War spoils means that there is money coming out when there's money coming in, what does that mean? extra cash?

00:45:09--> 00:45:11

Marshall, I heard that you got bonus this month.

00:45:13--> 00:45:14

So where's my cut?

00:45:16--> 00:45:17

You'll get it inshallah someday.

00:45:18--> 00:45:23

So they always want more. Why? Because they love to change things to make them better.

00:45:26--> 00:45:32

Men, they act differently. If things are running on hamdulillah and they're okay, don't touch them.

00:45:34--> 00:45:37

Don't even try to stop otherwise everything will be wrong.

00:45:38--> 00:45:41

See how that's how you drive your car.

00:45:42--> 00:45:54

Until the light goes on the check engine. That's when you start to go and check it out. That's what happens in the relationship as well. Most women they like to check in every now and then

00:45:55--> 00:45:59

every few weeks, perhaps every few days or a few hours.

00:46:00--> 00:46:02

They might check everything.

00:46:03--> 00:46:07

They would like to reconnect and communicate and for a man this is very edited.

00:46:09--> 00:46:10

We're fine What's wrong with you?

00:46:15--> 00:46:20

And the man on the other hand, if everything is okay if she's not complaining if she's not talking to

00:46:23--> 00:46:24

me she has no problem.

00:46:26--> 00:46:27

Guess what?

00:46:28--> 00:46:28

He says y'all.

00:46:31--> 00:46:49

You whether she needs to remain silent or basically talk everything at the same time. Because we're not communicating properly with each other. The Messenger of Allah Azza wa sallam on his own and his wife used to listen hearing about the news that there's more money coming in on him and said Yo, sola, we need to know for sure.

00:46:50--> 00:46:52

There's no money. There's

00:46:54--> 00:46:54

more

00:46:57--> 00:46:59

demand. And the purpose is I cannot demand

00:47:00--> 00:47:01

one time, Omar.

00:47:02--> 00:47:09

So they came in when the overhead is women talking or too large profit. So it was so patient with

00:47:10--> 00:47:12

them when they when they came in, although all

00:47:14--> 00:47:17

this is kept quiet. One of these occasions. He says yeah,

00:47:19--> 00:47:28

you're such an enemy against yourselves. You know, you, you're speaking over the course the profits of a lot of them when I come in here to make quiet. So one of them

00:47:32--> 00:47:32

is very nice.

00:47:43--> 00:47:46

Okay, he's okay with that. Get out of it.

00:47:49--> 00:47:50

Bobby was defeated. So

00:47:53--> 00:47:59

he got to the point to the right, the basically the breaking point that he had to swerve well was

00:48:00--> 00:48:02

not approaches wise, foreign anytime.

00:48:05--> 00:48:17

That happens, and that's what women call the silent treatment. So we decided to stop communicating with them for a whole month and it was too much or overwhelming. It doesn't seem like a discipline, you know,

00:48:19--> 00:48:23

warn men from taking this heavy as a technique in your relationship.

00:48:24--> 00:48:43

I'm worried because you first need to define the kind of relationship you have an amount of communication. And then you can basically use these techniques men and women. So the process of a sudden he goes out from the house of Iowa, and he stays in a lot that was built our house rush

00:48:44--> 00:49:12

home, I wouldn't hear the news. He was panicked. Because it's why his daughter was alive. So you want to have son he says what's going on? You didn't divorce him so I don't know. So what did he do? What is this? I don't know he went to the method so he went looking for the poverty find him up there. We that was gardening the stairway says can you ask permission for me? So without goes up? And then he talks the professor Cemil. So there's almost seeking permission. And the purposes basically remains silent. Even that silent treatment will

00:49:13--> 00:49:13

remain quiet.

00:49:18--> 00:49:31

Wait, he did that three times. And the last time he got permission so he goes up. And he says the prophet SAW said I'm leading on his side. And he was like, he looked very upset. You know, when men very upset weapons, you can see that

00:49:32--> 00:49:53

they can see through even if you're not actually trying to fake it, they know. So eventually that he saw the problem was very upset. So he didn't just sit down. He starts communicating with a smile, and then he sat down and he asked the question, you asked him the question, did you divorce them? The problem said no, I just I just basically in the shower. I gave him an ultimatum

00:49:55--> 00:49:58

at the end of the month, it was 29 days.

00:50:00--> 00:50:04

Could be 30 days or 29 days, right? So at the end of the 29 days,

00:50:05--> 00:50:08

he comes down, can you guess which house would he start with?

00:50:11--> 00:50:20

I mean, that shows you how, how he himself what he said, a month, maybe he thought, Oh, that's too much. But eventually he went straight to the house of I showed the allotted

00:50:22--> 00:50:41

amount always expect his wife after such a disciplinary session for a month, to be more obedient, submissive, and so on. That's what to expect. So they go to the house advisor, and I show it and so you may expect him to say I'm very sorry, I didn't mean it at all, please forgive me and so on. She said them so the month is not over yet.

00:50:46--> 00:50:46

Which means

00:50:47--> 00:50:48

there's still one more day.

00:50:52--> 00:50:59

The story by saying, Well, I think she was concerned for the practice of the prophet SAW, Cemil sola, there is one more day, so you need to go back and

00:51:00--> 00:51:42

see the assay. Now, she was kind of basically she was very upset at herself to me to expect Asha for 29 days sitting there just crying and weeping for the purpose of service mother in law. She cried for some time for sure. But then she herself, you know, just like a woman, she feels that Yo, I didn't do that. I don't do what to deserve all of this. Basically. That's what happens when a husband and wife which requires to open again line of communication, we do, talk and get things out in the most appropriate way inshallah, so the Prophet patient is not like today men would say, Okay, then Salaam Alaikum. And he said, No, he said that the month can be like this, say 29 days, and can

00:51:42--> 00:51:46

be like this in 39 days. So so long.

00:51:48--> 00:51:58

As we have seen from user stories, he was a great father, he was a great son, he was a great husband. And there is much more to be said about the life of the Prophet. So

00:52:00--> 00:52:02

we can talk about this

00:52:03--> 00:52:26

entire night, another slide, I've given a whole seminar for a weekend on the subject like this, just about the prophet SAW lesson, and a lot on the matters of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. This is just now a glimpse of what we can really get from this ocean of knowledge, and the profit or loss and have left for us in terms of teaches, treating our spouse in the most appropriate way.

00:52:28--> 00:52:31

There is so much we can learn from the prophets of Allah, more than just Allah.

00:52:33--> 00:52:38

I'm giving this account, you can learn from His love and His manners. And that's what he was sent for so long

00:52:41--> 00:53:15

as the Quran itself, and through courses, his techniques of dealing with his wives and children and children, we can learn so much about teaching each other or treating each other in the best way possible. I know actually, there's, there's more, much more we can mention about this issue. And I would love to live in a few more minutes and for particular question answers, but as the message that I would like to share with you at the end of this talk is remind you going back again, going back again, to the island, we started with Allah subhanho wa Taala says, woman is among his scientists, this

00:53:16--> 00:53:36

is one of the science, the creation of man and woman and bringing them together to create this peace, tranquility and serenity in the relationship and he plays love and mercy between our house and the last time after that, I mean, again, he said, there are signs signs are there and for those who are

00:53:37--> 00:53:58

this is a miracle will lie the creation of man and woman establishing a society This is divine, divine organization, divine institution, and you have the choice to become a manifestation of this miracle. or otherwise, you choose for yourself and the visitors girlboss founder has chosen for you

00:53:59--> 00:54:00

on solo on

00:54:13--> 00:54:26

some of the suggestions and the CA that was given and inshallah we'll open the floor for questions. inshallah. I think you'll probably just go by and probably get the assistance for Charlotte.

00:54:28--> 00:54:30

Charlotte, we have like about 15 minutes of questions.

00:54:36--> 00:54:37

First question,

00:54:39--> 00:54:39

this middle

00:54:43--> 00:54:57

section is that you know, good give us some advice on like, how to discipline children when they're going through the terrible twos and threes no question How to discipline children when they go through terrible two and three. Welcome to the club.

00:55:02--> 00:55:13

So then with the kids of that age, first and foremost, the most important thing for you parents that when you teach your children, teach them discipline,

00:55:14--> 00:55:36

teach them discipline. And it is the discipline through principles through principles. And you don't break these principles. Like what? One of the things that I've seen him call, it's a cultural, whatever, somebody's got kids around with serious action, you have to expect that don't expect them to match what you get them, they'll match up.

00:55:43--> 00:55:43

Sometimes

00:55:46--> 00:55:58

accidents, kids bumping into each other, you expect something to be broken. Whenever you expect this accident. Some parents this holiday, whenever they have guests coming over, when I visit people, they expect everything to be perfect.

00:56:00--> 00:56:19

And because they get edited, when things like this happen, they stop going to other people. They stop going taking their children out, because they're always being in trouble for us and so on, will lay in front of you. They get upset because kids are fighting with each other. I feel sorry for this. Because kids they go fight fight now. And as you as you fight over there by they'll be paying again.

00:56:20--> 00:56:40

So teach them principles, one of the main and most important principles is honesty. And when something happens in a room like this, kids are playing together, and they break something. When we come when when the children adult comes in to see what's going on. Guess what is the first question an adult usually ask, you see something broken? What do you say?

00:56:41--> 00:56:42

Go ahead.

00:56:44--> 00:56:47

And guess what do you have 20? Kids? Well, they say,

00:56:57--> 00:56:58

No, that's not true.

00:57:00--> 00:57:10

You're not gonna get to the truth from the children. So stop trying to figure out who didn't teach them a value. Instead of saying who did it. Ask one simple question, what happened?

00:57:12--> 00:57:13

And let them talk.

00:57:14--> 00:57:40

You don't have to listen to everything they say. Because you're not gonna make any unreasonable connection. Simply Just be sure that you're not after Voodoo. As much as just understand why this happened. And we can even say, but in our culture, you say who did it? Children are very honest. So would you say who did it the one who did it? I did it. But I didn't mean it. Then you reward them? How do you reward them?

00:57:41--> 00:57:42

By punishment?

00:57:44--> 00:57:49

Guess what? The value that you're teaching your children never ever tell the truth.

00:57:51--> 00:57:56

That's what you get. Your kid got the point, right. So next time when something like this happens.

00:58:00--> 00:58:03

Because one wants to get away, because you thought in the home value. So

00:58:04--> 00:58:42

expect children to be basically troublemaker in a sense, because that's the age. That's their age to three years old, very activist, and then the physical exploring, encourage that for them. So another thing I wanted to show you to make sure that never ever use these electronic, free babysitters. They're not even invited. You call them TV, because the video games and all that stuff. Don't use these technologies to take your children because you just want to have a peace of mind. Most mothers and fathers that's what they do. When the child comes troublemaker, getting

00:58:44--> 00:58:50

the child over. Last seek is three years old, years old, glued to the TV and is watching.

00:58:52--> 00:58:53

You talk to the child

00:58:55--> 00:58:57

I have a child on your child's

00:58:59--> 00:59:08

his family, they had a huge screen in one of these huge literally used in theater screens. As if the TV is watching. You're not watching the TV.

00:59:09--> 00:59:17

The image on the screen is not the value. So the kid is sitting there on one of these big couches which are their main amazing especially.

00:59:19--> 00:59:26

And then he got the child who was three four years old. I saw him grabbing the remote console and just flipping

00:59:32--> 00:59:33

Lisa

00:59:34--> 00:59:37

one night we went out of Asia and I was in

00:59:39--> 00:59:55

suddenly we heard this kid in the back cursing and cussing bad words in English. He wasn't basically his culture speaks other languages. But eventually was pure English language no accident. anyone say though the worst

01:00:00--> 01:00:01

What's going on?

01:00:20--> 01:00:24

What exactly happened, I said, this is what you get when you put your child in front of TV that much.

01:00:26--> 01:00:27

That's what he's learning. He's not learning from you.

01:00:29--> 01:00:32

As a mother, she doesn't want to bother dealing with the child.

01:00:34--> 01:00:36

The TV's gloom about the TV,

01:00:37--> 01:00:49

whatever she's doing whether something right or wrong, but at least the wrong is being done against this child. So don't ever keep your children from the TV. So my advice to you if you ever have a TV,

01:00:51--> 01:00:53

don't put it in a central location.

01:00:55--> 01:01:01

If you go to houses these days, most of TVs they replace the system of

01:01:05--> 01:01:12

idols, obviously, watch how people when you come into the house and worship, I don't know, what is it, what

01:01:13--> 01:01:33

is the center location, entertainment center forward martial law, like a shrine and all these decorations on the side of the shrine. And then when you come in, you have to give respect to the garden, you got the house and all the stuff. That's how it is, and you have all these fancy chairs so people can watch together, that's the wrong cell for the TV, you make it a central.

01:01:35--> 01:01:36

Instead, the division

01:01:39--> 01:01:42

should be non central location, put in an

01:01:43--> 01:01:45

awkward angle, even from the house.

01:01:46--> 01:01:49

Watching it, you won't have any children from

01:01:50--> 01:01:56

TV, you have to go on the floor, for example, very often. So they watch for a few minutes, and then they

01:01:58--> 01:01:59

because you don't want the TV.

01:02:04--> 01:02:05

Yes, one second

01:02:07--> 01:02:07

question here.

01:02:10--> 01:02:16

Can you comment on the cultural practice where the son feels his duties is to take care of his parents.

01:02:23--> 01:02:24

And then the second part is

01:02:25--> 01:02:26

to get married to

01:02:27--> 01:02:30

each other. So the first one is that a cultural practice where

01:02:31--> 01:02:33

the cultural practice with his son feels

01:02:34--> 01:02:36

his duty is to care for his spirits.

01:02:40--> 01:02:41

So let's say that the husband because

01:02:43--> 01:02:44

he doesn't wasn't

01:02:45--> 01:02:46

for her.

01:02:51--> 01:02:53

We assumed that she does, or her brother.

01:02:58--> 01:03:03

She does. Okay, what it is a lot harder to work. And there's no word except his love GG. How

01:03:06--> 01:03:13

do you make the logical consequence of this decision, you have to understand that her parents has become your parents by proxy,

01:03:14--> 01:03:21

you should do that. And your parents has become the way you want her to respect your parents because they're your parents. And

01:03:22--> 01:03:39

you also need to respect her as well. And the idea even the idea of asking the question will lie for me sometimes it's very irritating. The idea of just young men or women, they said, I don't want to deal with your parents. They told you they talk to each other. Why?

01:03:40--> 01:04:12

What's the problem? I mean, they're just like your parents, sometimes they will, they will just make your life difficult. Because they have their culture, you have your culture. So we come to some tension here. The same thing her her parents gonna make fun of the life is in Parliament might get you some questionable things. So eventually, you need to respect them as your parents and there is no escape. There's no escape. Yes, troublemaker. There's some other fitness happening and so much trouble to have been hospitalized because of the parents, then my recommendation go for counseling.

01:04:14--> 01:04:17

Don't just be stubborn, and say no, I'm not gonna.

01:04:20--> 01:04:21

I'm not gonna go. But

01:04:22--> 01:04:35

I will suggest that you go for counseling to solve that particular issue between you and your wife or your husband and the parents. But as a general rule, you can't escape the fact that you have to respect the elders.

01:04:36--> 01:04:43

And by the way, the way you treat them, you'd be setting the example on the model for children and how to teach you when you get older.

01:04:47--> 01:04:49

And young people want to get married.

01:04:50--> 01:04:51

Think about both

01:04:55--> 01:04:59

of you gonna have to think of them again. You just the young man women. They have this

01:05:00--> 01:05:01

utopian idealism

01:05:02--> 01:05:07

is all about us in me, and you and we live above the heavens above the clouds

01:05:08--> 01:05:13

shall ever be perfect because we love each other. And then few months after that,

01:05:16--> 01:05:28

what happened were the clouds, I didn't have enough water. So eventually, you need to understand the reality of marriage is a complex relationship between you parents and other people will lead to that relationship. Yes, yes.

01:05:37--> 01:05:38

Getting

01:05:40--> 01:05:41

Shiva modules.

01:05:44--> 01:05:44

And

01:05:45--> 01:05:46

people want

01:05:47--> 01:05:48

to

01:05:52--> 01:05:52

ask him

01:05:58--> 01:06:01

exactly once you see the article, article.

01:06:03--> 01:06:03

Oh,

01:06:08--> 01:06:09

yeah.

01:06:12--> 01:06:15

Why did why women let me put it into perspective, why women?

01:06:19--> 01:06:30

Men and women would divorce and married, divorced and married and then it's basically wasn't a big problem like, today. It's unfortunate. It's there's a inherited bias against divorce user widows?

01:06:31--> 01:07:03

is basically even when a guy one lady, she has a man. Let's say he was married before. That's a question what if he filled it once, one or twice? So therefore, it becomes unfortunately, inheriting? Maybe the problem twice. Once was transgressed against if he was the victim, second by the labor they put on him and the community. Why should we actually have this prejudice against each other? We should understand larger perspective. This is the World Cup.

01:07:08--> 01:07:22

You hold them nicely, nicely, unfortunately, because marriage has become so it become a great financial investment. That's what creates problems in families when divorce happens. I invested 100,000

01:07:23--> 01:07:24

this last

01:07:25--> 01:07:30

night, so it becomes a source of problems. That's what I think she's not the only one. There's also

01:07:31--> 01:08:13

a smell for bearish unfathomably to pies and other women label multiple times and there was no problem. Because the society was basically the man if a man dies, she becomes a widow after four months and 10 days she's ready to get married, someone else asked her for marriage was no there was an old bat that our society has changed, their view of marriage has changed, unfortunately. And I have to say I have to say up to two, frankly and openly. This culture this bias against the divorcees and widows and widowers is among the immigrant community in America, in America, among the reverts and the conference, there is not much of prejudice vaporization

01:08:14--> 01:08:21

is easy, why? Because the culture is different. And the structure, their structure, like the structure, so how they

01:08:22--> 01:08:24

are all all actually complex?

01:08:31--> 01:08:35

because believe me has become such a big taboo, you know, by now here

01:08:36--> 01:08:37

in this country.

01:08:38--> 01:08:43

Good day, but I mean, what it has to do with not accepting someone who's

01:08:44--> 01:08:53

like, wouldn't there be like only like, one, like you'd have to when you get married, all you have to choose what they want? Yeah. Because in this society,

01:08:55--> 01:09:09

once wife is limited, you know, so therefore, some people they want to do what they were doing, basically, from the first time, do the right choice. But that's not just here. even use the word the same thing, the subject of marriage

01:09:10--> 01:09:15

is in decline. It's not because it's prohibited, it's because it's a personal choice.

01:09:18--> 01:09:24

inshallah, here are three more questions and we'll conclude this one about what

01:09:25--> 01:09:27

is to be stuck here. It's

01:09:29--> 01:10:00

stepparents distempers. The same thing? I mean, the slippers, they will they will be like your parents in that sense. I mean, if you look if you're going up and under the roof force, and they've taken care of you, so if your stepfather is like your father, and when I say like your father, even eliminate the word light, basically is upon. So you have to treat someone that don't say, well, it doesn't have the right to give the command or doesn't demand. I know most children who grew up in this kind of relationship

01:10:00--> 01:10:32

Should they have an issue with that authority? So when the stepfather stepfather tries to deal with them, they always resort to that issue. You're not my mother, you have no right to come to me like this. You can't say to this demand side, that's absolutely. That's absolutely wrong. Yes, there are some specific responsibility or maybe specific responsibility because they're available. But they were divorced for example. If you live under the roof again of the of the step parents, then you should and you have to treat him like a teacher.

01:10:35--> 01:10:36

To take the next question.

01:10:37--> 01:10:45

Yeah, Florida. How do you get your children who are like two, three and four to print a lot with you? How do you get your children three to three or four?

01:10:47--> 01:10:48

Children.

01:10:56--> 01:10:56

He says,

01:10:59--> 01:11:02

you command your children, to pray when they are

01:11:10--> 01:11:12

commanded to pay when they're seven, what's the opposite.

01:11:17--> 01:11:31

So in this case, teach them Salah before seven. That's what we also understand. We also understand from this, that by the time you need to command them to pray they already know how to do

01:11:32--> 01:11:57

so you taught them salon when they were five, six years old. Children before that they pray by imitation. That's how they do this. You pray, they're gonna pray, because you watch TV, guess what? They're gonna watch TV. So whatever you do, you're saying the example to your children. You read that they learn how to read, you read the Koran, they will learn how to read the Quran. I know a child

01:11:58--> 01:11:59

who was resisting

01:12:01--> 01:12:15

although his parents were so adamant to teach him and one day I had a conversation with him I said why are you resisting? Why don't want to learn? He says because I don't I don't see any any reason for them. We don't even use it a lot. No one

01:12:18--> 01:12:19

wants to talk to you.

01:12:21--> 01:12:22

So when

01:12:23--> 01:12:48

I had them in conversation together I said listen, what you're saying is parents that minute that is true, we don't need to do that everyone has excuse I don't have time this and that. I said whatever excuse you have, your child doesn't see that he only sees one thing or per se that I could which is not really not Grindhouse. So just going through good habits and shopping for an excellent voice a prescription for

01:12:50--> 01:12:51

anyone else.

01:12:53--> 01:13:01

Anytime one of the questions came after our last poll is the wise next priority appearance or in laws or housing?

01:13:12--> 01:13:13

seek counseling

01:13:19--> 01:13:27

know the answer. You want to use the answer to your wife by proxy you already know the answer that

01:13:28--> 01:13:32

he gave to the heart of the husband as a priority in the house

01:13:34--> 01:13:44

basically, as a family that's the arrangement however, it is not about authority as much as how you practice this beautiful relationship love and mercy relationship

01:13:47--> 01:13:51

with a gesture his work with to him whatever you it's not because he was just

01:13:53--> 01:13:56

because he was a loving my loving husband sort of

01:13:57--> 01:13:59

troubles were always

01:14:00--> 01:14:07

expected to have in all this relationship that dream it only happens once in one place.

01:14:11--> 01:14:12

And your earth wake up

01:14:13--> 01:14:20

therefore expect some or errors or problems nice times good time hard time critical times didn't last.

01:14:22--> 01:14:26

We shall test you and try to say email Sophie will do.

01:14:29--> 01:14:36

All these things that are worth it decrease in the wallet and children live and all that stuff. So

01:14:38--> 01:14:45

you're gonna have to prepare yourself for that. So again, it's not about who has authority this question really, it means that you have some issues

01:14:49--> 01:14:59

with your spouse's parents or in laws are non Muslim and the father won't speak to either you because of the situation of the father of the gun.

01:15:00--> 01:15:18

The say, the emos the non Muslims, and they don't want to talk to you guys because of her becoming Muslim and becoming Muslim. And he's not being you know, someone that they don't approve and so you do your best, Allah subhanaw taala says was off duty

01:15:19--> 01:15:31

and keep good companionship with them. And he says that during difficult times, by the way, you don't show them companionship in good times. No, the best companionship is shown in difficult times.

01:15:32--> 01:15:40

That's what you need to have good contention with a lover if you do if they can add you to disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala, then you do not obey Allah.

01:15:42--> 01:15:53

The next question is, what should we do about parents who are not like doctors or some scenario to erase our culture? And does that mean that you should no longer

01:16:08--> 01:16:18

we like it or not, whether we like it or not, our children are growing up in a culture different than their parents. If they were coming from an immigrant,

01:16:20--> 01:16:40

immigrant background, even if they were born here, even if they grew up over here, children every day are growing up learning other things, different styles, different culture than the culture I live in. And that's my voice. I live in an amazing statement about one of the greatest principles of child

01:16:42--> 01:16:46

upbringing, raising. He said, I live I'm not gonna

01:16:48--> 01:16:51

listen on him. Laddies America

01:16:53--> 01:17:03

says when you raise your children, basically he says train them, raise them, or prepare them for the challenges of their time, not your country.

01:17:04--> 01:17:09

Most of us we want our kids to be copies, clones

01:17:11--> 01:17:12

of ourselves.

01:17:14--> 01:17:31

Whatever you try, it's not going to happen. Most parents, they want their children to be the continuation of their success story life. handler emigrate. 35 years ago, I became a successful doctor. I bought this fancy mansion wash a lot. I made it simple for you and your wife when you get married.

01:17:33--> 01:17:39

Excuse me, slow down, slow down a little bit. That was 35 years ago.

01:17:40--> 01:17:58

Now live a different age. Understand that things are changing the fields. They have grown up the grown up right now. And they don't see these actually boundaries, the race color. Look at them. When they go on campus. This is shared with people of all color orange, and Muslim communities when we have a report.

01:18:02--> 01:18:06

If you've seen a party's most likely have seen these activist circles.

01:18:08--> 01:18:14

So you have Mashallah the Arabs on one side? And then you have you have the basis on one side and

01:18:17--> 01:18:24

on one side? Why is that even among God? It's also the Sham is a one sided Gypsy.

01:18:27--> 01:18:41

But when you watch the youth, guess what? It's an amazing song. They all together, no boundaries. Why is that because they grew up not seeing these color. They're color blind, basically.

01:18:42--> 01:18:43

They don't see this

01:18:45--> 01:18:58

easy for them to connect with anyone from a different race, or from a different race, according to the parents, not necessarily to the children. On the other hand, parents are so worried about their kids making

01:19:00--> 01:19:15

irrational choices, as well as in mature decisions. Why because I agree with parents that level and the age of maturity was pushed higher than than usual. Know, if you read the books of psychology, they usually give the same

01:19:16--> 01:19:20

set of development to the children until they reach 12 years old.

01:19:21--> 01:19:35

After 12 years old, suddenly it's open space. But before that they organize the age group of basic human development up to 12 years old. Why was that? Check these books most of the audit at the beginning of the past century.

01:19:36--> 01:19:39

And the reason for that because that's how children work even here in Europe.

01:19:42--> 01:19:45

They will see children when they become 12 years old. are they running businesses?

01:19:46--> 01:19:59

They're running farm they even drive tractors in the farm and all this stuff. So they're already mature. That's why they put in our time right now most parents have a lot less than what they keep pushing the kids for education, higher education, higher education. And don't worry about anything

01:20:00--> 01:20:07

What's the killer looking for you? So you find the child who is studying to become a doctor? Bradley, Mashallah, BMW. So why is he studying the doctor?

01:20:09--> 01:20:26

Just to try to figure out? Why is he studying a doctor for he's already have that luxury of life that provides him you know, he becomes a doctor. We're not, we're not preparing our children properly so that all children become a mature, when they are 2025 years old. Still,

01:20:27--> 01:20:43

there is some guidance. And that's what what his parents so much. So what I have for them was please, please understand where your friends are coming from, they want to see maturity, but they don't see it from you, they're gonna resist your choices. And for the parents, also, please, please see where your children are coming from.

01:20:45--> 01:21:08

If you're going to have to marry someone that you like, they might please you. But it might just cause them so much stress in a relationship that you yourself can introduce afterwards. So as a recommendation I would like to commend again, it's all about line communication, parents to open up with children, and children open up and come to choices.

01:21:10--> 01:21:12

And it's time to close now, the last question

01:21:14--> 01:21:18

is a question about marriage and non Muslim girl.

01:21:19--> 01:21:23

It is right I should not be allowed to happen and so many of us

01:21:25--> 01:21:26

then make it easy for

01:21:27--> 01:21:29

the Muslim go talk to beer.

01:21:31--> 01:21:45

Just make it simple and easy. We make it we make it so difficult, that it's easier to marry a Muslim because only about $25 in the court in the city hall. And we're done.

01:21:46--> 01:21:48

More expensive. Go Las Vegas.

01:21:50--> 01:21:51

And they made

01:21:53--> 01:22:09

a comeback again, we make it so difficult that our kids are going through these routes because it's easier. They don't require all these fancy shallow holes and wedding halls and the invitations and the color of invitation all this stuff. Just make it so simple. Some of

01:22:13--> 01:22:16

the less the more, the more the more complex.

01:22:17--> 01:22:30

The relationship I witness manages Well, I was I was there witness marriages were the namaha they thought he was only sort of Our Lady That said, it's not just something you read in books.

01:22:31--> 01:22:49

I wouldn't have seen marriage was the matter that the whole dowry was a priority. So Jenna, and I'm talking about young men and women are prospective families. And there were no hidden Jani string Sarah that was actually just in front of everybody, but there was

01:22:52--> 01:23:09

nothing hidden, no agendas, parents, they liked the family, they liked the children Mashallah they would like to help them get married and Bismillah. Why do I have to have my child get married, start his relationship with a 20,000 $50,000 debt.

01:23:11--> 01:23:27

Give this to him and put him in his pocket to start martial afresh instead of paying $100,000 in something that was going to end in a couple of hours. It's completely irrational. I know most guys who would like to have this Cinderella story and wedding parties. There's nothing wrong with that.

01:23:28--> 01:23:36

But you are going to suffer the consequence of that fantasy is so stressful. so stressful, keep it simple.

01:23:38--> 01:23:40

As for American, Muslim, Islamic,

01:23:43--> 01:23:49

Jewish woman or someone in general, but that's in terms of legal and ruling. But in terms of decision making,

01:23:51--> 01:24:00

I would recommend that. The other thing is that for every for every guy who marries a non Muslim girl, guess what?

01:24:01--> 01:24:04

There's one extra Muslim girl who's going to end up with the

01:24:06--> 01:24:16

most because the guy has the luxury of meeting our Muslim girl, right? And the girl shouldn't have that luxury. Unfortunately, we're forcing them into making wrong choices as well.

01:24:18--> 01:24:28

So remember the whole cycle and affect each and every one of us in this community, not just you know, me or that family

01:24:32--> 01:24:36

and it's sooner or later you will be actually part of that whole fabric of our society.

01:24:43--> 01:24:43

I would like

01:24:48--> 01:24:48

to see if you

01:24:59--> 01:24:59

can

01:25:00--> 01:25:00

To

01:25:02--> 01:25:04

think of all benefits,

01:25:06--> 01:25:07

I do really admire energy.

01:25:10--> 01:25:18

Actually shake it actually he taught all day today and he will be teaching tomorrow inshallah again, that's

01:25:20--> 01:25:22

three o'clock. preserve your strength and

01:25:24--> 01:25:26

keep you for us that you can benefit from

01:25:29--> 01:25:36

those polar shaped on Facebook, he's a public figure. I was kind of trying to figure out because

01:25:37--> 01:25:39

I was not sure really what happened.

01:25:42--> 01:25:47

So those who are who are following him as a public, public figure and piece of what he loves most

01:25:49--> 01:25:51

what he loves most chocolate

01:25:55--> 01:26:01

we have for him and his family. Because I know you love this for his family. We have

01:26:04--> 01:26:08

we have here Can I borrow one phrase?

01:26:14--> 01:26:14

Okay.

01:26:16--> 01:26:26

behalf of our community, we really do appreciate you coming to us. And I think when you have been asked, you did not hesitate it.

01:26:27--> 01:26:28

lets you

01:26:33--> 01:26:42

so brothers and sisters, I hope that you have benefited I get a lot of information here we have it on tape. We try to

01:26:43--> 01:26:49

check the possibility we could have copies of this for distribution in the future. Free Online

01:26:50--> 01:27:05

will be online later. It also will be on our website later in the show. And for all the advices on the timely reminder, I pray that we all can start taking it very seriously and try to put it into our lives that can be better for

01:27:06--> 01:27:07

people