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5 Love Languages of Children

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Muiz Bukhary

Channel: Muiz Bukhary

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam. We begin this video by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala make herbal halloumi in The Lord of all words the exalted the majestic, and we asked him to send his choices of blessings and salutations upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa ala he was selling his family members, his companions and all those who tread upon his path with a class with utmost sincerity until your milk until Judgment Day. For today's video, I'd like to touch on parenting and children, Micah subhanho wa taala. He says in

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the Noble Quran, I'll Malou while by noon, Xena to Hayato dunya well, and children they are the adornment of this worldly life. And along with that, we also understand through the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and and the Quran as well. You have all of these blessings Subhan Allah, so many blessings that you're supposed to be grateful for. Each and every one of these blessings, they come with rights attached to them, they come with responsibilities. You take the blessing of a spouse, you have rights and responsibilities to fulfill the responsibility the blessing of a father rights and responsibilities to fulfill blessing of a mother rights and

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responsibilities to fulfill the blessing of health. There are rights and responsibilities that you need to fulfill the blessing of wealth, you have to fulfill your rights and responsibilities with regards to that world. Similarly, children are a huge blessing from Allah subhanho wa taala. And each and every one of these blessings, my dear brother media system, sometimes we take a lot of them for granted. You only realize the value of said blessing when you sit down with an individual who is deprived of that blessing.

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That's when you realize Subhan Allah, you know, something as simple as

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taking a deep breath, if you are able to inhale,

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inhale in such a way where your lungs expand.

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without you feeling excruciating pain without feeling like there's a tight band around your lungs without feeling some form of restriction. If you're able to take a deep and satisfying breath as a huge blessing that you need to be grateful for. Sit down with someone who is not able to take a deep breath who is hungry, you know, this constant hunger for air for oxygen. They feel so deprived that's when you realize that Subhanallah every breath, every time I inhale and exhale, I need to be thankful to Allah subhanho wa Taala

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I have food on my table I need to be thankful to Allah subhanho wa Taala a roof over my head I need to be thankful to Allah subhanho wa Taala two legs to walk need to be thankful to Allah subhanho wa Taala 10 digits, fingers all working. You need to be thankful to Allah subhanaw taala there's so much when you look around and positively affirm there's so much to be grateful for. And the beauty about gratitude is the more you render gratitude, you attract abundance lay in Chicago to La as the den

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so this is a reminder for those of you who have children. They are a huge blessing from Allah subhanho wa Taala sit down with families with couples who don't have children who are pining. You know, they're yearning for children and you will realize Subhan Allah have children. It's a huge blessing from Allah subhanho wa taala. So now this blessing the blessing of children, it comes with strings attached. Our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is reported to have said Kulu Kamara that each and every one of you is a shepherd. What could look homeschooled on Android yet he and each and every one of you is responsible for his or her flock. Now reflect on the words of the

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Prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam. Think about your circles of influence.

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It starts off from the family unit and it expands and expands. If you are the leader of a community that your community is your flock, and employer, your employees are your flock. You're a team leader, your team is your flock.

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Coming back as you as you as you go back in now,

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the family unit. The father is the shepherd the mother is the shepherd. You're responsible for your family unit you're responsible for your children. So we all have as mothers and fathers we have responsibilities to fulfill with regards to our children.

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Now, I'd like to touch on something that our children

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need a lot from us as parents they needed a lot

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and that is

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Love,

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our children need love.

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Unfortunately today

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the idea of love has been distorted, dragged through the dredges

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and debased to just something that is carnal

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and lustful. But in reality, love is so much more, greater, so much more higher, so much more beautiful. Maker subhanho wa Taala he is the fountainhead of love. He is the source of love, the creator of love.

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And you witness love manifesting in so many forms in so many ways you have love

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between a husband and a wife, you have love between a father and his children you have love between a mother and her children, you have love between siblings, you have love between family members, you have love between friends.

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You see you have loved manifesting in the animal kingdom. You have so many forms of love.

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So to further discuss this topic, our children they need love. And yes, you might respond saying yes, of course I love my child. I love my children. As a mother, I love my child. I love my children. As a father, I love my child. I love my children, but you have to understand

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in terms of expressing that love, see when you love someone,

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let me share Hadith. There was once the Prophet sallallaahu Salam was seated with an individual and another person passes by.

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The man seated next to the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam tells the Prophet Yasser Allah I love so and so.

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You know, maybe for his righteousness for his piety, for his good character for his generosity, for his Taqwa

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the fact that I remember Allah subhanho wa Taala when I see him more when I'm with him, for his mannerisms, for his gentle nature.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam asks, the man was seated next to him, Have you expressed your love to him?

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To which the man replies in the negative and the Prophet encourages him to express his love. And the man goes on and expresses his love to the man saying I love you for the sake of Allah.

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So what I want to highlight in this hadith is look at the guidance of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in terms of expressing your love. So you're not supposed to confine the love. You can't say, oh, I love my child, but not expressed the love, you know of the incident of a man who comes to the Prophet salallahu Salam and says, I have children, but I've never He sees the Prophet salallahu Salam kissing his

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grandchildren.

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If I'm not mistaken, the Hadith goes along the lines of these words. And then he's amazed, he tells the Prophet I have so many children, but I've never kissed them.

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And then the prophets of allah sallallahu wasallam educates the individual in regards to you know, expressing love

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in terms of you know, being kind hearted and showing your love to your towards your children.

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So, from this from the profitec teachings, we learn that you can't say that, Oh, I love my child and just bottle up the love in your heart.

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You can't say I love my spouse, and just bottled up the love in your heart. I can't say you can't say I love my father, or I love my mother and just bottled up the love inside you have to express it.

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Now in terms of expressing it, you might be thinking, Oh, I've expressed my love.

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But the receiving end,

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your partner, your spouse, your father, your mother, your children, what if they're not able to

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understand your expression of love.

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This is where the languages of love come into play.

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Some of you might be familiar with the book five, the five languages, the five languages of love, by Dr. Gary Chapman, that that particular book talks a lot about the languages of love between spouses. It's from that angle that the author

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discusses. It's a very good book, and you should read it if you haven't.

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The same author now goes on to co author. Okay, another book titled The five Lang Love Languages of children. And that's an interesting read as well. The whole idea of love languages and that's what we're going to be talking about in Sharla is that there are different ways of expressing

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Your love.

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So it's important to understand what your spouse's love language is, it's important to understand what is your child's love language, you need to understand their love language and express your love in that language. Because otherwise, you could be expressing your love left, right and center. But if you're doing it using the wrong love language, that could result in the receiving end, not understanding the love that you're expressing. Think of this example.

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You

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are expressing your love to your spouse in a language that he or she does not understand.

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Let's say

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your husband or your wife is only conversant in English, but you are expressing your love in another language in a foreign language, be it French, or whatever it is a language that your spouse does not understand. So you can be screaming at the top of your lungs, right? Or expressing it from morning to evening. But your spouse is not going to understand your expression of love. Similarly, with your child, if you're expressing it in a language that your child does not understand, that expression of love just goes down the drain. So it is important it is of paramount importance that you first as an emotionally, that's the right word, as an emotionally intelligent individual. See, unlike the past

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today, you and I, we have so many resources at our fingertips to educate ourselves. See, this video could be a stepping stone for you to further your knowledge in this regard. You may have never heard about love languages. But now you do. So from this point onwards, you can read the book, you can educate yourself, and then go on to express your love in a beautiful way. You don't have to make the mistake of expressing your love in a language that your spouse or your children don't understand. So very swiftly, I'd like to touch on these five love languages for children because it's I feel, you know, a very interesting thing. And we need to, we need to

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understand the messages at times that our children give us because we tend to misinterpret, we tend to misinterpret like I said earlier on either we erroneously communicate our love, we express our love in a way that our children don't understand.

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And along with that they're trying to communicate, they're trying to because if you're looking at an infant, if you're looking at a toddler,

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the toddler, you know is not

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mature enough

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to get into a whole deep conversation with you to deeply

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express the yearning for your love as a parent. So they have different ways of expressing that yearning.

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So if we don't understand those messages, if you're not able to interpret those messages, right where we go on to misinterpret that could result in in there being issues in understanding one another. So without any further ado, I'd like to jump into the

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love languages. Okay. Number one.

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Ask yourself

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when you enter your home, do you have does your child or one of your children

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come running to you?

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To hug you

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to you know cling at your at your leg perhaps to hold your hand.

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Ask yourself Is this your child?

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Because if this is your child, then you have to understand that this child of yours

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prefers the physical touch, love language.

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They prefer to cuddle. They prefer to hug. They prefer to hold your hand. They'd prefer to climb all over you. They would like to touch you play with your hair. So it's a signal it's a message that they want to be touched by you. They want the child wants you to hug him or her. The child wants you to kiss him or her. This love language is known as the physical love language. So the way you can express your love to a child who speaks this language is by perhaps snuggling with the with the child, the couch on the

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bed

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had the child you know closely,

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you know,

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you could even offer to massage the feet of the child hold the hand of the child, all of this involves a lot of touching a lot of

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physical, you know, squeezing the hand of the child. All of this you can even you can even come up with your own chord, where you tell your child for example, that you know what, if you know, you know if I hold your hand and squeeze it or if I hold a certain finger of yours and squeeze it, that means I love you. So this is a special way of communicating with this child in terms of expressing your love using that particular love language.

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So, this is like language number one, the physical love language.

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Love Language number two, ask yourself if your child is someone who yearns for gifts, yearns for presents, okay, now don't immediately arrive at a conclusion. Oh, this child is a materialistic child. No, no, no, not necessarily.

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For some people, for some children, this is their love language. They, they like gifts. Okay. And they are very particular about how the gift is wrapped. And they they remember all the nitty gritty details, but reserved for us. What was the gift who gave it? When was it given the date, they remember all of this and it can be it can be it can be

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if it's a girl, it can be flowers, it can be see at the end of the day, when you think about a gift my dear brothers and sisters, it's the gesture that counts. So it's not that you have to you know, go to town or, you know, break the bank to basically get your child a gift. But the fact that you know, perhaps you're returning from a journey you've gone somewhere somewhere you've gone abroad and you come back or you've gone on a trip whatever it may be, it can be

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a few interesting shells from the beach, it can be a unique looking stone, it could be something little it could be a pen, it could be

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you know, a rose, it could be a piece of cake, whatever it may be, okay.

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By by giving a gift,

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you express your love And subhanAllah you see this book was authored recently. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam 1400 odd years ago his report drops at the heart though the Habbo

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give gifts and you love one another. The Prophet identified this as a love language, give gifts and you love one another and this is applicable between spouses this is applicable between family members and this is most definitely applicable with children and I'm sure as mothers and fathers you will relate to the fact that you that you do have children who are like this they pine and yearn for gifts. Love Language number three, do you have a child who demands to

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to be spoken to you know, the child always says talk to me talk to me, you know, at times, you know, you're with your phone and your child be like keep the phone and talk to me, you know. And, you know, when you when you actually take time out to speak with the child, the child is very conversant. The child wants to share stories, you know, especially let's say the child comes back from school, you ask your child how his or her day went, and they go on to tell you every single thing that happened that day and they expect feedback from you. They would at times come and whisper things in your ears, you know, saying that, Oh, I love you or you're the best daddy in the world.

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You're my hero. You're the best mommy in the world. You know, I love what you cooked today. And and when you affirm what they say they relish the affirmation. This love language is known as a verbal love language. They are individuals who

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their primary love language is verbal expressions of love. And by the way to highlight something, you have to understand that

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just because a child has one primary love language doesn't mean that that's the only love language that the child is going to be speaking and for some individuals, they speak multiple languages, just like you know, English, French and whatnot. There are individuals who speak just one language there are individuals who speak multiple languages. So similarly with the love languages, too. You will have children who speak multiple languages love languages, but you have to be able to intelligently identify what's the primary love language. So here it's unlike the physical love language. It's verbal

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expressions. Now for children who speak this particular language you can express your love in in creative ways. For example, you can have

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a little sticky notes, where you write messages to them, or you express your love. And these sticky notes, maybe you can leave them around. For example, you can surprise your child where you drop a sticky note in their lunchbox. So when your child goes to school opens up the lunch box, there is this surprise note from Mum, or dad. Or it can be something like maybe maybe a watch with with the message engraved, or a little bracelet with a message engraved, or even a little note a letter, all of these things are ways to creatively express your love verbally. And along with that.

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There are doctors that are,

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you know, experts who suggest that for children who speak this love language as their primary love language, you can also

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talk about

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the child in a positive way to others. So for example, you could choose to

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whisper loudly to a toy to a stuffed animal to another adult, or even a bird outside about something that your child did well, something positive about the child. And why they ask us to do this is because research clearly states that as human beings, we all believe more of what we all were here than what is told directly to us. So rather than telling the child directly, or you know what you did good here, it would be, it would be better for you to maybe talk to a stuffed animal in a way where the child overhears Okay, let me let me try to put it in a better example.

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Let's say the child is outside in the living room. Now you intentionally whisper loudly. Maybe the mother whispers loudly to her sister. Okay, so this she's speaking to her sister and she whispers out loud, or you know what,

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and you mentioned the child's name, she did this really well today. And she was such a good girl today. She She did her she fared well in her examinations, or she was really helpful around the house today, you whisper this out aloud intentionally so that the child overhears and this has a very positive effect generally on children. So, you could generally you know, apply this across the board, that specifically with children, whose primary love language is the verbal love language, this this has a very positive effect, moving on to the next love language. And this is acts of service. Now acts of service is a is a blank love language that is very easily understood in in the

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context of a husband and a wife. Okay, because there are people, the human beings who consider their acts of service that are rendered back and forth as their way of expressing their love. There are women who think that, oh, you know what, in terms of whatever service that she's rendering unto her husband in terms of cooking the food, washing the clothes, keeping the house, clean, all of that as expressions of love. And similarly, there are men who deem what they do in terms of, you know, putting food on the table in terms of, you know,

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earning money and making a living and, you know, providing shelter and doing all of that as their

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expression of love. But it's interesting to note the children too, there are children who use this love language as their primary love language. So,

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I mean, and this is different from the love language of gifts, because gifting is understood. So how are you going to be able to apply this love language, you might be thinking, if your child is a child that comes up to you and says, you know, can you please tie my shoes? Can you fix a toy that has been broken? Or can you flap my pillow for me? Can you you know, kind of, you know, dry my table and little things like this. Don't miss interpret this as the child being lazy, but rather you have to understand that this is

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the love language that this child is speaking. And the minute you reframe these requests, instead of looking at the child as being a lazy child, or thinking that you know the child is just using you as a servant. The minute you reframe these requests, as simple requests that the child is putting forth to feel loved, and the minute you do it, you are expressing

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Seeing your love to your child. Now, obviously across the board, I've mentioned four love languages, all of it needs to be done in balance, okay, there needs to be a healthy balance that has to be maintained across the board. But it's important to identify, identify and distinguish the love languages. The last one is the quality time love language. Now you do have children who come up and say, Oh, come with me look at this, and they want their parents to spend time with them. And these children, because this is their primary love language, they feel the most valued when

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a parent chooses to spend time with them. Quality time. You know, for example, a child who comes to you and says, watch this with me or play with me or let's go out, you know, for a meal. Now, obviously, when you go out for dinner, or when you go out for lunch, if you're going to be seated there, you know better than your phone, than that's not quality time. This child is begging and yearning for quality time with you, the child that wants to come into your room coming to your office to show you something, you know, at times you're working on something and the child comes running, saying, Oh Dad, I want to show you something. And and you will have this showing that the

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child lingers around the child spends time and you know, as as adults, what we do is we tend to because of the fact that we're busy with something, we tend to shoo them away. They're like, Oh, don't disturb me or just, you know, shut the door don't come in, you have to understand, see, again, reframe how you look at this child. Because if you show the child away, if you just chased the child away, you're shunning the child. And, and this is

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the child's way of expressing, or I want to feel loved. Dad, I want to feel loved Mom, I want to feel loved. So in terms of expressing love to a child like this, the child that speaks this love language as their primary love language, strive to offer your exclusive undivided attention. You know, try and make pockets of time.

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And name these pockets of time as special time that you're going to be spending with your child. Let's say for example, it could be just before the child settles and goes to bed, but you spend time telling a story to the child or reading a book. Now you should do it being present in the moment, not with you know your phone in one hand, the book in the other hand, and doing it for the sake of doing it and you want to you know, get over it and then move away no rather,

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whatever you do, be it a conversation, be it a chat be just lying in bed, just before the child goes to sleep. Try to spend quality time with this child and with children in general because this is one of the love languages, it's a way to express your love. And it is important to identify the child that speaks this love language as the primary language then you need to prioritize this over the other love languages.

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So I hope this video will help you to you know, gain some insight in regards to the different love languages that are out there. And like I said at the beginning, I hope it served as a stepping stone for you to further your knowledge in this regard and and work on your relationship with your children. I pray that Allah Subhana Allah blesses our relationships with our children, and that he helps us to be good fathers good mothers that he helps us to fulfill our rights and our responsibilities with regards to our children and that he helps us because we need his help

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at all times. We sincerely ask him for his help to help us basically grow and nurture our children to guide them in the right way and to keep them on the straight path. With that I conclude I look forward to talking to you all soon in another video inshallah Talon design the hair was Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh