Muhammad West – The Etiquette of Disagreement – Episode 06

Muhammad West
AI: Summary © The importance of finding the right person for marriage is emphasized, as it is crucial for happiness and joy. The Sharia culture requires constant work and problem solving, and marriage is a commitment to one's rights and responsibilities. The importance of avoiding physical abuse and abuse in marriage is emphasized, and the need for professional help is emphasized. The speakers stress the importance of privacy and healthy emotions in long periods of marriage, and mention upcoming events and events in Islam.
AI: Transcript ©
00:00:00 --> 00:00:11

Allahumma shaytani r rajim Bismillah Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayidina Muhammad wa Leo savage Marine, our beloved brothers and Islamism. Mr. aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

00:00:14 --> 00:00:47

appraisement to Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah Allah hi the lobby witness that man has the right to be worshipped except Allah, and we send our greetings and salutations. So we live in the Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his pious and pure family and to propose the following soon until the end of time, was a Lost Planet Allah to bless us to be steadfast and the Sunnah of the Prophet was on lamb in this life and grant us to be with him in the life after May Allah bless us in this walk of Joomla. May Allah forgive our shortcomings of last week, mela illuminate the week to come that may be better than last week. Meanwhile, hamdulillah we've been discussing relationships the

00:00:47 --> 00:01:26

past few weeks, we spoke about families. We spoke about parents and siblings. And last week we began talking about marriage, our relationships with regards to our spouses. This is part of a much bigger discussion about the etiquettes of disagreements, how should we fight because fighting and arguing is inevitable? It's part of life can't escape it. So how should these a way the right way of arguing, and perhaps the person that we argue the most with is the person that we sleep next to every evening is our spouse, the person we're going to argue the most with? It's just normal. And last week, we explained in the Sharia what a marriage should look like, what a husband should be

00:01:26 --> 00:02:04

like what a wife should be, like. We said, for example, that the Prophet peace or privacy is the base of all men, the best men of all, is the man who is good to his wife, not the man who prays the most, who gives the most charity, the person who is the very best of all men, is the man who is best to his wife. So if your wife, when it happens sometimes when she says I'm very happy with you, doesn't happen all the time. But those few moments where she says, I'm very happy. I can't imagine being with anyone besides you. Alhamdulillah you know, you have this feeling that I'm the best of all believers today, that day, I'm the best of the best well, hamdulillah and similarly, the Sharia

00:02:04 --> 00:02:41

says, a woman that does obligations to Allah, the salam, the compulsory, and she does what she can to please her husband, when paradise becomes guaranteed for her. And this is what Allah subhana wa tada wants from us to be the best husbands, we can be the best wives that we can be. And this is not just to please your spouse, but as to please the Creator. That is the reason why we do this. And we're speaking about, you know, last week, lots of people said, Send me that lecture, I want to share it with my wife, I want to share it with my husband. That lecture was not meant for you to say you see, this is what a perfect wife looks like, like you need to meet up. It's for you to look at

00:02:41 --> 00:03:13

it and say, Do I provide what the shadiness is Sakina? Do I provide tranquility to her? Do I bring down histories? Do I bring passion and love as Allah sees my wife? Do I bring my water in her life? Do I bring happiness and joy? And do I bring Rama meaning key and respect. If you are not providing that, if you're not providing that, then of course you are the one that is short. And most of the times the problem is, if one part is a this is a dysfunctional marriage, most of the time they should the blame is shade, both sides have something to work on.

00:03:15 --> 00:03:52

So we spoken we looked at what a beautiful marriage looks like. And we said this is we ended off by saying a be scary Hadith basically, a very scary, scary Hadith said, Look to your husband, the Prophet says to a woman look to your husband, because he is your gender, or your Johanna, he is your heaven or *, you will be the means that you will enter heaven or *. And it goes the same for the men. Look at your relationship, how you treat your wife, because that will be a reason to enter you to Jenna, who she will be the reason that you enter into into destruction. So marriages are not always happily ever after. In fact, most of the time it isn't. And marriages fall apart. And if you

00:03:52 --> 00:04:05

look at statistics, one in every one in every Two Minute half of every marriages fail. Statistically, that's where we are at the moment. We look at the person next to you, either his marriage is gonna fall apart or your medicine fall apart if statistics are true.

00:04:06 --> 00:04:47

So how do we Why do they fall apart? How do we understand this? How do we move forward from this? So why do marriages fall apart? So marriages, what we learn from the Sharia, what we learned from psychology, it is not that you contribute to the fairy tale fairy tales or Hollywood tells you you find the right person you get married and you live happily ever after. No. The hardest part is once you say carbon to once you say I do. That's when the hard work begins. Marriage is never ever easy. Even the most successful people sitting here in terms of marriage who've been married for 80 years or whatever it might be. They will never tell you. It's simple and easy. It requires constant work.

00:04:47 --> 00:04:59

And it requires constant problem solving and back and forth. It will give you the greatest joy. But also at times it will be your greatest lows and sadness. And it's unlike so when you look at different areas

00:05:00 --> 00:05:36

kinships they are definitely risks with your parents, we say it's not a given take a Sharia perspective, they are right. And we always humble ourselves, whatever they say is right, and we respect you. So long as it's not Haram, we respect your mom and dad, we don't argue back we just obey. With siblings, the risk is that you drift apart, you stop communicating, right, so these different type of type of way of bringing together with marriage, it's a given take, you have, you will be interacting, but it's about giving and compromising, working and arguing and getting through those arguments. Right. So it's a different kind of way of getting through it. So let's talk a

00:05:36 --> 00:06:13

little bit about why people get divorced. So I've listened to many lectures, different imams spoken to imams that are in my close circle, over the past seven, eight years, done quite a bit of marriage counseling, a lot of people have come to me and spoken to me about the what's happening in their marriage, you know, the Imam is the cheapest form of therapy, right? We the cheapest form of therapy. So before you get to the psychiatrist, and psychologist, you first see the email, right? So the amount gets to see what goes wrong in marriages. And from a psychology perspective outside of the Islamic community. Why do marriages fail? What what are we fighting about? And why can't we seem

00:06:13 --> 00:06:45

to make it work, people haven't changed. We are the same people like our grandparents were, yet they were a lot better at keeping the marriages together. So what's going on? So I'm going to list a few reasons of what I've learned. And it might be applicable to most of you to many of us. And maybe there are many, many other reasons. And it's not in order of this is number one, which is the most important, but we'll go through them. So some of the reasons why people are getting divorced. And what the Sharia shows is that some people are doomed from the beginning. They are not marrying for the right reasons.

00:06:46 --> 00:07:21

From our perspective in the Sharia, the is a minimum, not this, it's about the minimum level of maturity, when you should get married. So a marriage in the Sharia, at its bedrock on the ground, it's a contract, it's a legal contract, you are committing to this person, she's committing to you these rights and responsibilities. But no one gets married for a part like a business partnership, you're not looking for a business partner, you're looking for a life partner. Above that contract comes the emotional spiritual connection, comes the companionship.

00:07:22 --> 00:07:43

Now, the Sharia says if you cannot do the very basic contractual agreement, if you cannot be a husband in terms of the nikka contract, you cannot be a husband or wife in terms of the law, then you will never get to the sweetest side of marriage. And you should not if you call into the contract, if you're not fit for the job, you shouldn't say the words I do.

00:07:44 --> 00:08:07

So some marriages we find and usually this is to those people will come and they want to get married and they are 19 and 18 is still quite young. And it's all a high of emotions. The details are important to say I don't have to we don't have to worry we were going to love or financially are things they're going to sort themselves out we are in love. And that's when as an Imam, you have to take them down and say we need to talk to you and your parents.

00:08:09 --> 00:08:16

You intermarriage for the wrong reasons. Marriage should never be a way of escaping your life. If you've got problems in your life.

00:08:17 --> 00:08:55

And most people you're quite old. So maybe this is applicable to your kids. Marriage should never be a means to escape some issue in your life. escape your house, escape your sadness, your depression, marriage won't fix it. If anything, if you come into the marriage, broken medicine or break you further, if you're drowning, you can't you're going to pull someone with you down. Marriage is very seldomly something that fixes you. You need to go in strong, independent ready. And that's why the Sharia says For example, look at this ayah Allah Subhan says to you, what would you get Amma Hector Isabella who nikka for international mean Russia, for the pharaoh Illa him I'm one of them. So Allah

00:08:55 --> 00:09:38

speaks about the orphan. Allah says if you are entrusted with the wealth of an orphan, I'm holding the money of someone an orphan child, when should I give this money back to the child, Allah says, and taste them in terms of the maturity and the ability until they reach the age of marriage, when they're able to get married, when they're able to look after a husband when they're able to be a husband or wife. Now they are capable of administering the financial affairs now give it back. So it goes hand in hand. Being able to be independent, having your own life, having your own ambitions having your own dreams, being able to support yourself is required basically before you get married.

00:09:38 --> 00:09:56

If you're not yet the if you are a broken person, you need to fix those things first, because many marriages I'm seeing from my personal experience, many marriages bring a baggage of trust issues, jealousy issues, abuse issues, addiction issues into the marriage. So that must be fixed first

00:09:57 --> 00:10:00

and at least to the next one in our community.

00:10:00 --> 00:10:19

Sadly, sadly, sadly, unfortunately, and in August, the month, our women's month, we have too much with too many people, that marriages are abusive. And these addiction issues, whether it's drug addiction, whether it's substance addiction, these things destroy your marriage.

00:10:20 --> 00:10:38

You cannot, it destroys one life. And almost definitely it will destroy the life of parent of the spouse and the kids. If anyone has an addiction problem, you can't sit before the mom and say what can I do to fix it, you have to fix your addiction litical, ca, a professional person.

00:10:39 --> 00:11:22

Marriage, a marriage will not survive. It's like it's very, very impossible for a marriage to survive. When one party or both parties, they have an addiction problem. And then abuse and I must bring this in Islam as a zero tolerance to abuse, zero tolerance. A man can never ever, can never, ever raise his hand to his wife, no matter what she does. And in fact, physical abuse. Isn't goes further and says verbal abuse, especially from the side of the men. There's no tolerance for that. The Prophet says what kind of men are you that you beat your wives like you animals, and then you want to be intimate with the evening, what that's what a man, that's something wrong with you, I

00:11:22 --> 00:11:53

should say is, the wife of the Prophet said, I haven't met the Prophet peace woman never in his life ever raised his hand to a woman, or to a child, or to a servant to even to an animal. The only time was at Wolfie no one ever do, we raise our hands, that's not allowed. And if you look at the issue of talaaq, through your words, you can in the marriage, which means to mean, we are certain words, you cannot say no matter how frustrated you are, no matter how angry you are, yes, even if the wife sees her, she gives you

00:11:54 --> 00:12:36

you know, verbal abuse happens both ways. And the wife won't hold back, you as a man have a limit where you cannot cross there, you need to hold the brakes. As mean part of your strength and part of your ruler, your manhood is measured in terms of how you're able to control yourself, in those kind of very difficult situations. To many marriages, we find is a tip for tat, and the men goes overboard. And once this physical abuse once it's very, very difficult to fix. So for the sisters or for the husbands, whatever it might be, if ever, your arguments get to the level where you're throwing things at each other, where you are totally disrespecting one another where you're about to

00:12:36 --> 00:13:15

physically engage one another. You need to seek professional help now. Your marriage you, you have a problem. And a big part of it is to acknowledge that problem. Yes, many of us regret it afterwards. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to push it. Fine, fair enough. But tomorrow, a new problem is going to arise. A new issue is going to come up. And if you can't control your anger, I mean you know this, we know this and we tell our kids this in school no matter what he says to your mother, your your mommies, whatever, you don't raise your hand, you don't fight you don't put your fists up only to defend yourself. Right? So we understand this when it comes to our kids, in marriages even more

00:13:15 --> 00:13:57

so. And as I said last week, the last person on earth that should ever harm a woman is her husband. Why? Because you took the Amana with the Imam and with Allah when you sit cobuild to accept not her as my wife, except the Amana that I will protect her love her care for her better than you Oh Father. You told her father you took his hand and you looked him in the eye and you said to him with so and so. today? I am. I just worry better than you I will bring her happiness and protector. That's why the men do you think the level when the Prophet says this is the best of you is the one who is best to his wife because it's easy. No, it's not easy. Because if you can go through 50 years

00:13:57 --> 00:14:34

and go through her shortcomings and go through the difficulties that she gives you install give her goodness and kindness and love that she's happy. When this only Jenna for you. That's why you do it. That's why we do it. Two o'clock three o'clock the morning, when you frustrated and angry and you have nothing better than to, you know to shout and scream and you're still able to maintain yourself. It is only a man for Allah. It's only out of consciousness for Allah that you did that and that's why you are the beast. So if as I said in many relationships, we said be the bigger person, the better person not for your mom, not for your dad, not for your spouse, not for your kids. But

00:14:34 --> 00:14:39

there's a bigger relationship Allah I'm doing it for you yeah Allah because I know you will repay me.

00:14:42 --> 00:14:55

Another reason why marriages fall apart beyond people Manning for the wrong reasons. marriages have today many marriages have addiction and abuse. And this requires special LP moms are going to fix you. infidelity,

00:14:56 --> 00:15:00

infidelity, adultery, having relationships outside of marriage. There's many

00:15:00 --> 00:15:02

reasons why people have a face.

00:15:03 --> 00:15:42

And just some there was a statistic there was a study done in 2017 last year, and scary results came out from this study. It said that one third of marriages, I don't know if this was a global study, you know, I think it was a global study when the miracle, but one third of marriages that were people that were assist in the study admitted that they had cheated in some form, that's really scary. One third 30% of all people say that they've basically cheated on the partner, men, and we knew this men are more likely almost double, more likely to cheat than the wives, right, men are more likely to cheat in wives. And most of the time, if you ask,

00:15:43 --> 00:15:48

who's the party that people cheat with, be very, very careful. And look at this. Most of the time, it's with a co worker.

00:15:51 --> 00:16:05

Most and I can tell you, the counseling sessions are ahead. We mean, what he was cheating between sometimes is the man most of the time is the man, sometimes the woman, the poor, the person they are having this affair with is was the coat with a co worker,

00:16:06 --> 00:16:09

why you spend together long hours of the day

00:16:10 --> 00:16:32

you speak perhaps more to your co workers and your family is the reality of the times that we live in. And therefore, it is very important for you, for me, for all of us to maintain that level of decorum in Sharia. From an Islamic perspective, we know that there is a type of relationship, that a friendship that is not permissible between two people.

00:16:34 --> 00:16:39

You cannot have you can't be alone with each other. You can't have private discussions, and

00:16:41 --> 00:16:50

most scary is that you'd find Okay, so after co workers, the next highest person that people have a fee with is with the brother in law, sister in law.

00:16:51 --> 00:17:32

And there's a hadith to that. There is a hadith to that Hadith finalized. It's amazing when these psychological strains come out and we find 1500 is the prophecy that a man came to the property from and said, which people can my wife interact with, like, you know, on a very intimate level. So he said, her father, your father, the other maharam people, the people that she called Maddie, so he said, what about the brother in law? My brother prophesied? No, the brother in law sister is this. But the mother, you know, we'll get to the mother in law is worse than this. Now, the brother in law meaning meaning, this hadith Hadith, the brother in law is the Meaning what? Meaning the, yo if you

00:17:32 --> 00:18:14

if you if your sister is married, your sister's husband, or your husband's brother, your brother's wife, that kind of you you family, but you're not family. If they weren't married, you could get married. And because you spend so much time together at family gatherings, you know, all the family baggage, you know all the secrets and you constantly to both of you maybe outsiders in the family, easily for things to happen. And that's why we areas where we have to interact with each other at work or family. Be very careful the Sharia thing. And we live in a time now where it's the easiest time ever, so that we are weaker or worse than the previous generations in the past. If you wanted

00:18:14 --> 00:18:51

to do something, you have to physically phone a landline. Make sure that person's phone isn't ringing too loud that you know, they wake up. You physically had to get the I think of youngsters for example. You know, if you wanted to get out of the house, how do you get a house? How do you get the phone now you can WhatsApp and you can over the it can be back before mom or dad knows anything. So easy. Today, it's so easy. And this phone's panelized sees 40% of a face that start on a cell phone on online will end up meaning half of them will end up in reality. Most of the time, it begins by chatting.

00:18:52 --> 00:19:02

Most of the time it begins by innocent talking, no one wakes up and says today I'm going to come and see now no one does that. Every person that set before me They said I didn't mean to.

00:19:03 --> 00:19:32

It just happened. It just happened. We became too close. Didn't realize it. I started enjoying the company of this person more than my spouse. I look my home was back home became miserable. I look forward to leaving the house I look forward to going to work to going hiking with this person to go to talk to this person about my marriage problems. Before I knew it. You know I look. I look forward to speaking to this person into my wife into my husband

00:19:34 --> 00:19:36

infidelity seldomly.

00:19:37 --> 00:19:43

It's not fun. We usually think it's about lust. Very seldom do people cheat because of lust.

00:19:45 --> 00:19:59

Usually is a problem in the marriage. There's something lacking or missing in the marriage. There's something wrong in your partner no partner's perfect. Our marriage may be going through a bad patch and now it makes a new now it's so attractive.

00:20:00 --> 00:20:09

Someone who's fun, who's understanding who's going to listen to you who's going to care was attracted to you, just waiting for you to send that message. So difficult to fit nicely.

00:20:11 --> 00:20:22

It's requires a great deal of email and a great deal of taqwa. Because no one sees you. No one's watching over you. You have the freedom to speak to whomever you want, wherever you want across the world.

00:20:23 --> 00:20:32

And that's why you require you and I are required to have the only checks and balance now is in your heart. Only when watching over you is iMac.

00:20:33 --> 00:20:34

As I said,

00:20:35 --> 00:21:00

by the way, if you find yourself currently in a situation where you're having a member of the opposite * or isn't your spouse, you finding it more enjoyable speaking to that person, you're communicating more, you're spending more physical time with that person, you enjoy that person's company more than your own spouse. When you in trouble. You need to watch out, you need to step back. either fix what you have at home,

00:21:02 --> 00:21:41

fix that. Find that find the reason why you love this person you said on unique and no one is forced into marriage. you genuinely love this person at some point in your time you are happy and excited to be with this person. Find back to that spot. And if you can't, then I will share here doesn't force anyone into a loveless marriage. These The door is the door of divorce. It's permissible. Last last resort, we are allowed to exit a marriage that can't be fixed. And inshallah next week or the week after, we'll talk about when can I dig winch? When does it become possible to divorce. But you need to look and understand if your marriage is in trouble. And I want us to remember this. You mean

00:21:41 --> 00:21:48

all of us sitting here? No one is above, falling into Xena without nobody.

00:21:49 --> 00:22:33

And you will know the evidence from the Quran. We know the story of Nabil Yusuf alayhi salam, when the lady of the house wanted her for himself, she closed the doors and they were alone together. Allah said what are the Hamad v she desired him she wanted him to be her and he wanted her. This is a prophet of Allah, in a V of Allah, the son of Yaqoob, the son of his heart, the son of Abraham, right? million times better than all of us. But he wanted her as well inclined to her as well as the gnosis. If it had not been that Allah had shown him the Buddha, Allah had not guided him uniform into himself. None of us are pious, too pious, too old, too young, too smart to intelligence, this

00:22:33 --> 00:22:53

one happened to me, it can happen to anybody, it can happen to everybody. The only way is to nip it in the bud. That's when Allah says, Allah dakara buzina Don't go near to it, because once you start, it becomes more and more difficult to put a stop to it. And we see it as I said, we living in a time where this is becoming out of control.

00:22:55 --> 00:23:21

Look to your inner circle the people you spend the most time with, you need to identify which people from a Sharia perspective, there are certain people, which you are not allowed to have those kind of intimate relationships can't have it. You can't have a base b if a friend that is a member of the opposite * that you could marry doesn't allow for it. Both for our women and for me, I will tell you does not allow for that kind of relationship.

00:23:22 --> 00:23:38

Even friends, you should not have members of the same * your best friends. The professional advisors are mean after Waukesha. You should be going home to your family shouldn't be out there with friends All the time. Because that family has an Amana, Huck.

00:23:39 --> 00:23:46

That's you in the masjid. Now, that's you being in the mosque. You don't stay too long in the masjid. I mean, let's talk about other places that you're going to.

00:23:47 --> 00:24:07

So as men, yes, we talk to women, there are things that we'll get to inshallah, as time allows, we'll get to the ladies and the issues. This is a shortcoming with men, mostly. Because it's easy for us to cut and cut and run. easy for us to find a prospect on the side that's more attractive, that's easy to get along with in our lives. So we move on.

00:24:08 --> 00:24:39

You know, this is a I was listening to this documentary, and this lady was saying why people cheat. They said in the past, people got divorced. And they cheated because they were unhappy in a marriage. Today, people cheat not because they're unhappy, because they feel I could be happier with this person. When I look at the Facebook profile of this person, very dangerous. When you search that Facebook profile of this person that x Ah, all they doing is traveling. all they're doing is eating a fancy restaurant, it looks like a perfect life. Could it be me? Would that be me?

00:24:40 --> 00:24:45

And only takes a book starts with a book and back to we know.

00:24:46 --> 00:24:59

dangerous, dangerous, so big peewee B way the world has become smaller people have come closer together. You have to build the checks and balances in yourself. And ultimately, it's not the family that you destroy.

00:25:00 --> 00:25:24

It's not the wife that you hurt the husband you hurt the kids that you are. Remember you destroy that relationship with Allah. One of the seven major sins is this thing that if we can stand before a lie and say ally did me sense but this one, I didn't do it the Prophet says if you can get an t to Allah, that you protect your tongue what's between your lips and between your legs? I can give you Jana.

00:25:25 --> 00:25:29

Say what's your tongue your legs in in you? Are we saved from the fire.

00:25:30 --> 00:25:43

But these things are not the real reasons why we get divorced, you know that these are not the number one reason Divorce Attorneys, psychologists, imams will tell you the number one reason why do people get divorced, in ability to communicate.

00:25:46 --> 00:25:51

We lack the ability to have proper conversations with our spouses.

00:25:52 --> 00:26:28

In fact, with your wife and husband, especially after you've had some kids, you'd find your own talking you talk but you don't communicate anymore. Your communication is what must I get from the shop shopping list. Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Are we gonna go Yeah, that's your, the extent to the way you communicate? You're not talking to each other. You don't know what's happening in her life. What's happening in your life? Are you living apart from each other? Yes, you living physically together. But emotionally, spiritually, you're completely distant from one another. And a lot of people come to me when marriages are on the verge of collapse. And in marriage counseling, we

00:26:28 --> 00:26:45

don't have any secret trick, some secret magic water that fix a marriage, your marriage counseling is about what's wrong. She's always arguing she's always criticizing me back to my sister who's criticizing you. What do you say, and I don't criticize him, I just want things to be with our family, she just wants things to be better. That's all we do.

00:26:46 --> 00:26:58

For the first time, they have a conversation when they sit with the Imam. And of course, because they must behave themselves. Now they can't sway and fighting hate each other. Now they have a proper adult conversation.

00:26:59 --> 00:27:38

They leave feeling Wow, things are so much better. I didn't fix anything. You fix it because you had a conversation for the first time in your life. You're able to communicate without being over emotional bringing up old stories bring up now you have to speak a little bit, logically, coherently, and things will that's at the end of the day, what counseling is you having a conversation within a third party that is neutral. And if you are able managed to get successful, this is what they're able to do. There's a reason why marriages fail within the first five years or so. Why? Because after the honeymoon phase, when everything is fine, no matter what your wife does,

00:27:38 --> 00:28:15

it's perfect when no matter what he does, it's perfect. Now you're going to start having to discuss the real issues. And the about five, six real issues that people talk about and fight about. They can't come across. But now is the first time in the relationship. They are having major disagreement, and they don't know how to get across it, how to get across this, this divide, how do we do it? If you can, if you can get through those first five years, learning how to argue maturely, then inshallah that's a good indication that for the next 50 years, you'll be together and 50 years. We are as we say no to this to your party. You continue arguing agenda together?

00:28:16 --> 00:28:51

No, no, no arguments in gender only happiness in general. So the biggest issue psychologists are saying, people we are unable to resolve our conflicts effectively. Next week, I'll talk inshallah, about if time allows or the week after, how should we argue? But before I talk about how should we argue, what are we arguing about? Number one, the things we argue about the most money in a relationship, but of openness, laughing and smiling. They've been they had that argument, we just gave her the bank account and said that solve the problem. Right? Now, money.

00:28:54 --> 00:28:55

Money affects everything.

00:28:56 --> 00:29:42

And if you didn't have a long, serious discussion with your partner about money, how money should be spent, what our objectives is going to be, and it's going to sour your relationship. Money is the thing that people argue about. In almost every marriage, this is an issue. One party feels we should get married, and we combine all our assets into one account, every transaction we know another one is very secretive. What's mine is mine. Don't ask. We work very differently from one another. And you know, nothing puts more strain on a person than having debt and we are debt driven society. When you know you have bills to pay, it makes you like sour person, and you're going to take that out on

00:29:42 --> 00:29:42

your spouse.

00:29:43 --> 00:29:48

families that are under a lot of deep pressure, naturally, are going to be fighting and arguing.

00:29:51 --> 00:30:00

What does Sharia say about date about money rather, the Sharia says that as a default as Iseman on that contract, we

00:30:00 --> 00:30:47

That bedrock Nika when you said kaabil to you promised not only to physically protect, emotionally safeguard more important above that you promise to provide her with something called an ethical and ethical means financial support, maintenance, you made a commitment to a law that as as one, no matter how much I earn, no matter how much he earns, I will ensure that her basic needs of shelter, food clothing will be maintained in in accordance of what is reasonable. That's the basics no matter how bad your relationship goes, no matter what your wife does, no matter how bad things are, you are never allowed to stop paying nafa so long as you made for example and are in and we've got but five

00:30:47 --> 00:31:01

sixteenths we argue about money is the first and we'll have to pick up next week time is up. But that's just one thing the scholars have mentioned. You know, if you have an argument with with you know, with with your with your with your spouse, doesn't mean you can stop paying them

00:31:02 --> 00:31:38

doesn't mean you stop buying the groceries. And anyone who does this because why this is required in terms of unica contract contract didn't say only when you're happy with her. You can pay in Africa, you know, something else like my Muscovy Omar, you have to pay that matter whether that marriage works or doesn't work, there are husbands that are divorced to their wives, they're still paying the ex Muscovy that they never fully paid off. So she wanted like a million Rand Muscovy, you said yes, you got divorced, you've only paid half of that. You still have to pay the other half a million to even out even though she's divorced. Why? Because you've committed to that. So for the husbands, you

00:31:38 --> 00:32:13

know, sometimes I say the Sharia is unfair treatment and fee as happens, we just take it. This is one of the things Allah has prescribed for us. Of course, there's a way of working with it, and you can agree, and we'll talk about how to resolve these conflicts in Charlotte next week. All right, so we'll talk more about money. Domestic chose that's another big argument. Mother in law's big every marriage panel from the east to the west. This problem in our in laws, we can fix mother and daughter in law issues. And I've hoped for the AMA and Palestine and Israel these problems can be fixed as well as an intimacy. One of the big issues people fight about is intimacy. So we'll talk

00:32:13 --> 00:32:52

about these things. inshallah next week, as we continue in this in this journey, just a few announcements. So in sha Allah Hajj, the days of hydro begin in about a week's time from now. I mean, of course, the devil * the ninth of the ledger the dates will be confirmed when we cite the moon and Eagle at ha so those who would like to support and like the corbon to have good bandwidth as you can speak to with the talent. We are selling cheap. One of the great Sooners to do on the day to commemorate newbies marry and be Brahim sacrifice. And then of course from Monday, in again celebration of women's month we'll be talking about the women around the messenger The Greatest

00:32:52 --> 00:33:25

Women of Islam, the heroes of Islam, the female sisters, our mothers and we see these are just sisters many ways you need to know these women more when Abu Bakr and Omar why because these are your mother's liquid assets. So and there are 12 names you should know all 12 of them. These are your mothers if you don't know them, then please join our you don't have to subscribe or anything just send us your WhatsApp number. We don't have it and you will receive it. Some of you already receiving the Juma lectures and these talks. If you don't want to receive it from me or the message, just SMS back stop and we'll stop sending it to you. We don't want to burden anyone as well. Zach

00:33:25 --> 00:33:27

hello hi Solomonic mark with lava

When marriages fall apart

  • It requires constant work
  • Every marriage has its own problem
  • We all have things we are not happy about
  • Give and take

Reasons For Divorce

Marrying for the wrong reasons

  • Some are doomed from the start
  • Marriage should not be an escape or a solution to your problems
  • Coming into the marriage with baggage
  • Are you your own person?
  • You are not ready to be a spouse

Are you ready for marriage?

“And test the orphans [in their abilities] until they reach marriageable age. Then if you perceive in them sound judgement, release their property to them…”

Surah An Nisa 4:6


  • In over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit to cheating
  • 22% of men say that they’ve cheated on their significant other
  • 14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other
  • 36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a co-worker
  • 17% of men and women admit to having an affair with a sister-in-law or brother-in-law
  • 40% of the time online affairs turn into real life affairs


  • Fun
  • Lacking in their marriage
  • Spite
  • Almost all start off “innocently” and “casually”

Beware when you spending more time or feeling happier in the company of someone else than your spouse.

And she certainly determined [to seduce] him, and he would have inclined to her had he not seen the proof of his Lord. And thus [it was] that We should avert from him evil and immorality. Indeed, he was of Our chosen servants.

Surah Yusuf 12:24
Share Page

Related Episodes