Muhammad West – The Etiquette of Disagreement – Episode 06

Muhammad West

When marriages fall apart

  • It requires constant work
  • Every marriage has its own problem
  • We all have things we are not happy about
  • Give and take

Reasons For Divorce

Marrying for the wrong reasons

  • Some are doomed from the start
  • Marriage should not be an escape or a solution to your problems
  • Coming into the marriage with baggage
  • Are you your own person?
  • You are not ready to be a spouse

Are you ready for marriage?

“And test the orphans [in their abilities] until they reach marriageable age. Then if you perceive in them sound judgement, release their property to them…”

Surah An Nisa 4:6

Infidelity

  • In over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit to cheating
  • 22% of men say that they’ve cheated on their significant other
  • 14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other
  • 36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a co-worker
  • 17% of men and women admit to having an affair with a sister-in-law or brother-in-law
  • 40% of the time online affairs turn into real life affairs

Why?

  • Fun
  • Lacking in their marriage
  • Spite
  • Almost all start off “innocently” and “casually”

Beware when you spending more time or feeling happier in the company of someone else than your spouse.

And she certainly determined [to seduce] him, and he would have inclined to her had he not seen the proof of his Lord. And thus [it was] that We should avert from him evil and immorality. Indeed, he was of Our chosen servants.

Surah Yusuf 12:24
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AI: Summary ©

The importance of finding the right person for marriage is emphasized, as it is crucial for happiness and joy. The Sharia culture requires constant work and problem solving, and marriage is a commitment to one's rights and responsibilities. The importance of avoiding physical abuse and abuse in marriage is emphasized, and the need for professional help is emphasized. The speakers stress the importance of privacy and healthy emotions in long periods of marriage, and mention upcoming events and events in Islam.

AI: Summary ©

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			Allahumma shaytani r rajim Bismillah Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala
Sayidina Muhammad wa Leo savage Marine, our beloved brothers and Islamism. Mr. aleikum wa
rahmatullah wa barakato.
		
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			appraisement to Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah Allah hi the lobby witness that man has the right to
be worshipped except Allah, and we send our greetings and salutations. So we live in the Mohammed
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his pious and pure family and to propose the following soon until
the end of time, was a Lost Planet Allah to bless us to be steadfast and the Sunnah of the Prophet
was on lamb in this life and grant us to be with him in the life after May Allah bless us in this
walk of Joomla. May Allah forgive our shortcomings of last week, mela illuminate the week to come
that may be better than last week. Meanwhile, hamdulillah we've been discussing relationships the
		
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			past few weeks, we spoke about families. We spoke about parents and siblings. And last week we began
talking about marriage, our relationships with regards to our spouses. This is part of a much bigger
discussion about the etiquettes of disagreements, how should we fight because fighting and arguing
is inevitable? It's part of life can't escape it. So how should these a way the right way of
arguing, and perhaps the person that we argue the most with is the person that we sleep next to
every evening is our spouse, the person we're going to argue the most with? It's just normal. And
last week, we explained in the Sharia what a marriage should look like, what a husband should be
		
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			like what a wife should be, like. We said, for example, that the Prophet peace or privacy is the
base of all men, the best men of all, is the man who is good to his wife, not the man who prays the
most, who gives the most charity, the person who is the very best of all men, is the man who is best
to his wife. So if your wife, when it happens sometimes when she says I'm very happy with you,
doesn't happen all the time. But those few moments where she says, I'm very happy. I can't imagine
being with anyone besides you. Alhamdulillah you know, you have this feeling that I'm the best of
all believers today, that day, I'm the best of the best well, hamdulillah and similarly, the Sharia
		
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			says, a woman that does obligations to Allah, the salam, the compulsory, and she does what she can
to please her husband, when paradise becomes guaranteed for her. And this is what Allah subhana wa
tada wants from us to be the best husbands, we can be the best wives that we can be. And this is not
just to please your spouse, but as to please the Creator. That is the reason why we do this. And
we're speaking about, you know, last week, lots of people said, Send me that lecture, I want to
share it with my wife, I want to share it with my husband. That lecture was not meant for you to say
you see, this is what a perfect wife looks like, like you need to meet up. It's for you to look at
		
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			it and say, Do I provide what the shadiness is Sakina? Do I provide tranquility to her? Do I bring
down histories? Do I bring passion and love as Allah sees my wife? Do I bring my water in her life?
Do I bring happiness and joy? And do I bring Rama meaning key and respect. If you are not providing
that, if you're not providing that, then of course you are the one that is short. And most of the
times the problem is, if one part is a this is a dysfunctional marriage, most of the time they
should the blame is shade, both sides have something to work on.
		
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			So we spoken we looked at what a beautiful marriage looks like. And we said this is we ended off by
saying a be scary Hadith basically, a very scary, scary Hadith said, Look to your husband, the
Prophet says to a woman look to your husband, because he is your gender, or your Johanna, he is your
heaven or *, you will be the means that you will enter heaven or *. And it goes the same for
the men. Look at your relationship, how you treat your wife, because that will be a reason to enter
you to Jenna, who she will be the reason that you enter into into destruction. So marriages are not
always happily ever after. In fact, most of the time it isn't. And marriages fall apart. And if you
		
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			look at statistics, one in every one in every Two Minute half of every marriages fail.
Statistically, that's where we are at the moment. We look at the person next to you, either his
marriage is gonna fall apart or your medicine fall apart if statistics are true.
		
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			So how do we Why do they fall apart? How do we understand this? How do we move forward from this? So
why do marriages fall apart? So marriages, what we learn from the Sharia, what we learned from
psychology, it is not that you contribute to the fairy tale fairy tales or Hollywood tells you you
find the right person you get married and you live happily ever after. No. The hardest part is once
you say carbon to once you say I do. That's when the hard work begins. Marriage is never ever easy.
Even the most successful people sitting here in terms of marriage who've been married for 80 years
or whatever it might be. They will never tell you. It's simple and easy. It requires constant work.
		
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			And it requires constant problem solving and back and forth. It will give you the greatest joy. But
also at times it will be your greatest lows and sadness. And it's unlike so when you look at
different areas
		
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			kinships they are definitely risks with your parents, we say it's not a given take a Sharia
perspective, they are right. And we always humble ourselves, whatever they say is right, and we
respect you. So long as it's not Haram, we respect your mom and dad, we don't argue back we just
obey. With siblings, the risk is that you drift apart, you stop communicating, right, so these
different type of type of way of bringing together with marriage, it's a given take, you have, you
will be interacting, but it's about giving and compromising, working and arguing and getting through
those arguments. Right. So it's a different kind of way of getting through it. So let's talk a
		
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			little bit about why people get divorced. So I've listened to many lectures, different imams spoken
to imams that are in my close circle, over the past seven, eight years, done quite a bit of marriage
counseling, a lot of people have come to me and spoken to me about the what's happening in their
marriage, you know, the Imam is the cheapest form of therapy, right? We the cheapest form of
therapy. So before you get to the psychiatrist, and psychologist, you first see the email, right? So
the amount gets to see what goes wrong in marriages. And from a psychology perspective outside of
the Islamic community. Why do marriages fail? What what are we fighting about? And why can't we seem
		
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			to make it work, people haven't changed. We are the same people like our grandparents were, yet they
were a lot better at keeping the marriages together. So what's going on? So I'm going to list a few
reasons of what I've learned. And it might be applicable to most of you to many of us. And maybe
there are many, many other reasons. And it's not in order of this is number one, which is the most
important, but we'll go through them. So some of the reasons why people are getting divorced. And
what the Sharia shows is that some people are doomed from the beginning. They are not marrying for
the right reasons.
		
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			From our perspective in the Sharia, the is a minimum, not this, it's about the minimum level of
maturity, when you should get married. So a marriage in the Sharia, at its bedrock on the ground,
it's a contract, it's a legal contract, you are committing to this person, she's committing to you
these rights and responsibilities. But no one gets married for a part like a business partnership,
you're not looking for a business partner, you're looking for a life partner. Above that contract
comes the emotional spiritual connection, comes the companionship.
		
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			Now, the Sharia says if you cannot do the very basic contractual agreement, if you cannot be a
husband in terms of the nikka contract, you cannot be a husband or wife in terms of the law, then
you will never get to the sweetest side of marriage. And you should not if you call into the
contract, if you're not fit for the job, you shouldn't say the words I do.
		
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			So some marriages we find and usually this is to those people will come and they want to get married
and they are 19 and 18 is still quite young. And it's all a high of emotions. The details are
important to say I don't have to we don't have to worry we were going to love or financially are
things they're going to sort themselves out we are in love. And that's when as an Imam, you have to
take them down and say we need to talk to you and your parents.
		
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			You intermarriage for the wrong reasons. Marriage should never be a way of escaping your life. If
you've got problems in your life.
		
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			And most people you're quite old. So maybe this is applicable to your kids. Marriage should never be
a means to escape some issue in your life. escape your house, escape your sadness, your depression,
marriage won't fix it. If anything, if you come into the marriage, broken medicine or break you
further, if you're drowning, you can't you're going to pull someone with you down. Marriage is very
seldomly something that fixes you. You need to go in strong, independent ready. And that's why the
Sharia says For example, look at this ayah Allah Subhan says to you, what would you get Amma Hector
Isabella who nikka for international mean Russia, for the pharaoh Illa him I'm one of them. So Allah
		
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			speaks about the orphan. Allah says if you are entrusted with the wealth of an orphan, I'm holding
the money of someone an orphan child, when should I give this money back to the child, Allah says,
and taste them in terms of the maturity and the ability until they reach the age of marriage, when
they're able to get married, when they're able to look after a husband when they're able to be a
husband or wife. Now they are capable of administering the financial affairs now give it back. So it
goes hand in hand. Being able to be independent, having your own life, having your own ambitions
having your own dreams, being able to support yourself is required basically before you get married.
		
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			If you're not yet the if you are a broken person, you need to fix those things first, because many
marriages I'm seeing from my personal experience, many marriages bring a baggage of trust issues,
jealousy issues, abuse issues, addiction issues into the marriage. So that must be fixed first
		
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			and at least to the next one in our community.
		
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			Sadly, sadly, sadly, unfortunately, and in August, the month, our women's month, we have too much
with too many people, that marriages are abusive. And these addiction issues, whether it's drug
addiction, whether it's substance addiction, these things destroy your marriage.
		
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			You cannot, it destroys one life. And almost definitely it will destroy the life of parent of the
spouse and the kids. If anyone has an addiction problem, you can't sit before the mom and say what
can I do to fix it, you have to fix your addiction litical, ca, a professional person.
		
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			Marriage, a marriage will not survive. It's like it's very, very impossible for a marriage to
survive. When one party or both parties, they have an addiction problem. And then abuse and I must
bring this in Islam as a zero tolerance to abuse, zero tolerance. A man can never ever, can never,
ever raise his hand to his wife, no matter what she does. And in fact, physical abuse. Isn't goes
further and says verbal abuse, especially from the side of the men. There's no tolerance for that.
The Prophet says what kind of men are you that you beat your wives like you animals, and then you
want to be intimate with the evening, what that's what a man, that's something wrong with you, I
		
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			should say is, the wife of the Prophet said, I haven't met the Prophet peace woman never in his life
ever raised his hand to a woman, or to a child, or to a servant to even to an animal. The only time
was at Wolfie no one ever do, we raise our hands, that's not allowed. And if you look at the issue
of talaaq, through your words, you can in the marriage, which means to mean, we are certain words,
you cannot say no matter how frustrated you are, no matter how angry you are, yes, even if the wife
sees her, she gives you
		
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			you know, verbal abuse happens both ways. And the wife won't hold back, you as a man have a limit
where you cannot cross there, you need to hold the brakes. As mean part of your strength and part of
your ruler, your manhood is measured in terms of how you're able to control yourself, in those kind
of very difficult situations. To many marriages, we find is a tip for tat, and the men goes
overboard. And once this physical abuse once it's very, very difficult to fix. So for the sisters or
for the husbands, whatever it might be, if ever, your arguments get to the level where you're
throwing things at each other, where you are totally disrespecting one another where you're about to
		
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			physically engage one another. You need to seek professional help now. Your marriage you, you have a
problem. And a big part of it is to acknowledge that problem. Yes, many of us regret it afterwards.
I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to push it. Fine, fair enough. But tomorrow, a new problem is going
to arise. A new issue is going to come up. And if you can't control your anger, I mean you know
this, we know this and we tell our kids this in school no matter what he says to your mother, your
your mommies, whatever, you don't raise your hand, you don't fight you don't put your fists up only
to defend yourself. Right? So we understand this when it comes to our kids, in marriages even more
		
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			so. And as I said last week, the last person on earth that should ever harm a woman is her husband.
Why? Because you took the Amana with the Imam and with Allah when you sit cobuild to accept not her
as my wife, except the Amana that I will protect her love her care for her better than you Oh
Father. You told her father you took his hand and you looked him in the eye and you said to him with
so and so. today? I am. I just worry better than you I will bring her happiness and protector.
That's why the men do you think the level when the Prophet says this is the best of you is the one
who is best to his wife because it's easy. No, it's not easy. Because if you can go through 50 years
		
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			and go through her shortcomings and go through the difficulties that she gives you install give her
goodness and kindness and love that she's happy. When this only Jenna for you. That's why you do it.
That's why we do it. Two o'clock three o'clock the morning, when you frustrated and angry and you
have nothing better than to, you know to shout and scream and you're still able to maintain
yourself. It is only a man for Allah. It's only out of consciousness for Allah that you did that and
that's why you are the beast. So if as I said in many relationships, we said be the bigger person,
the better person not for your mom, not for your dad, not for your spouse, not for your kids. But
		
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			there's a bigger relationship Allah I'm doing it for you yeah Allah because I know you will repay
me.
		
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			Another reason why marriages fall apart beyond people Manning for the wrong reasons. marriages have
today many marriages have addiction and abuse. And this requires special LP moms are going to fix
you. infidelity,
		
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			infidelity, adultery, having relationships outside of marriage. There's many
		
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			reasons why people have a face.
		
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			And just some there was a statistic there was a study done in 2017 last year, and scary results came
out from this study. It said that one third of marriages, I don't know if this was a global study,
you know, I think it was a global study when the miracle, but one third of marriages that were
people that were assist in the study admitted that they had cheated in some form, that's really
scary. One third 30% of all people say that they've basically cheated on the partner, men, and we
knew this men are more likely almost double, more likely to cheat than the wives, right, men are
more likely to cheat in wives. And most of the time, if you ask,
		
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			who's the party that people cheat with, be very, very careful. And look at this. Most of the time,
it's with a co worker.
		
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			Most and I can tell you, the counseling sessions are ahead. We mean, what he was cheating between
sometimes is the man most of the time is the man, sometimes the woman, the poor, the person they are
having this affair with is was the coat with a co worker,
		
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			why you spend together long hours of the day
		
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			you speak perhaps more to your co workers and your family is the reality of the times that we live
in. And therefore, it is very important for you, for me, for all of us to maintain that level of
decorum in Sharia. From an Islamic perspective, we know that there is a type of relationship, that a
friendship that is not permissible between two people.
		
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			You cannot have you can't be alone with each other. You can't have private discussions, and
		
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			most scary is that you'd find Okay, so after co workers, the next highest person that people have a
fee with is with the brother in law, sister in law.
		
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			And there's a hadith to that. There is a hadith to that Hadith finalized. It's amazing when these
psychological strains come out and we find 1500 is the prophecy that a man came to the property from
and said, which people can my wife interact with, like, you know, on a very intimate level. So he
said, her father, your father, the other maharam people, the people that she called Maddie, so he
said, what about the brother in law? My brother prophesied? No, the brother in law sister is this.
But the mother, you know, we'll get to the mother in law is worse than this. Now, the brother in law
meaning meaning, this hadith Hadith, the brother in law is the Meaning what? Meaning the, yo if you
		
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			if you if your sister is married, your sister's husband, or your husband's brother, your brother's
wife, that kind of you you family, but you're not family. If they weren't married, you could get
married. And because you spend so much time together at family gatherings, you know, all the family
baggage, you know all the secrets and you constantly to both of you maybe outsiders in the family,
easily for things to happen. And that's why we areas where we have to interact with each other at
work or family. Be very careful the Sharia thing. And we live in a time now where it's the easiest
time ever, so that we are weaker or worse than the previous generations in the past. If you wanted
		
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			to do something, you have to physically phone a landline. Make sure that person's phone isn't
ringing too loud that you know, they wake up. You physically had to get the I think of youngsters
for example. You know, if you wanted to get out of the house, how do you get a house? How do you get
the phone now you can WhatsApp and you can over the it can be back before mom or dad knows anything.
So easy. Today, it's so easy. And this phone's panelized sees 40% of a face that start on a cell
phone on online will end up meaning half of them will end up in reality. Most of the time, it begins
by chatting.
		
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			Most of the time it begins by innocent talking, no one wakes up and says today I'm going to come and
see now no one does that. Every person that set before me They said I didn't mean to.
		
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			It just happened. It just happened. We became too close. Didn't realize it. I started enjoying the
company of this person more than my spouse. I look my home was back home became miserable. I look
forward to leaving the house I look forward to going to work to going hiking with this person to go
to talk to this person about my marriage problems. Before I knew it. You know I look. I look forward
to speaking to this person into my wife into my husband
		
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			infidelity seldomly.
		
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			It's not fun. We usually think it's about lust. Very seldom do people cheat because of lust.
		
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			Usually is a problem in the marriage. There's something lacking or missing in the marriage. There's
something wrong in your partner no partner's perfect. Our marriage may be going through a bad patch
and now it makes a new now it's so attractive.
		
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			Someone who's fun, who's understanding who's going to listen to you who's going to care was
attracted to you, just waiting for you to send that message. So difficult to fit nicely.
		
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			It's requires a great deal of email and a great deal of taqwa. Because no one sees you. No one's
watching over you. You have the freedom to speak to whomever you want, wherever you want across the
world.
		
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			And that's why you require you and I are required to have the only checks and balance now is in your
heart. Only when watching over you is iMac.
		
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			As I said,
		
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			by the way, if you find yourself currently in a situation where you're having a member of the
opposite * or isn't your spouse, you finding it more enjoyable speaking to that person, you're
communicating more, you're spending more physical time with that person, you enjoy that person's
company more than your own spouse. When you in trouble. You need to watch out, you need to step
back. either fix what you have at home,
		
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			fix that. Find that find the reason why you love this person you said on unique and no one is forced
into marriage. you genuinely love this person at some point in your time you are happy and excited
to be with this person. Find back to that spot. And if you can't, then I will share here doesn't
force anyone into a loveless marriage. These The door is the door of divorce. It's permissible. Last
last resort, we are allowed to exit a marriage that can't be fixed. And inshallah next week or the
week after, we'll talk about when can I dig winch? When does it become possible to divorce. But you
need to look and understand if your marriage is in trouble. And I want us to remember this. You mean
		
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			all of us sitting here? No one is above, falling into Xena without nobody.
		
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			And you will know the evidence from the Quran. We know the story of Nabil Yusuf alayhi salam, when
the lady of the house wanted her for himself, she closed the doors and they were alone together.
Allah said what are the Hamad v she desired him she wanted him to be her and he wanted her. This is
a prophet of Allah, in a V of Allah, the son of Yaqoob, the son of his heart, the son of Abraham,
right? million times better than all of us. But he wanted her as well inclined to her as well as the
gnosis. If it had not been that Allah had shown him the Buddha, Allah had not guided him uniform
into himself. None of us are pious, too pious, too old, too young, too smart to intelligence, this
		
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			one happened to me, it can happen to anybody, it can happen to everybody. The only way is to nip it
in the bud. That's when Allah says, Allah dakara buzina Don't go near to it, because once you start,
it becomes more and more difficult to put a stop to it. And we see it as I said, we living in a time
where this is becoming out of control.
		
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			Look to your inner circle the people you spend the most time with, you need to identify which people
from a Sharia perspective, there are certain people, which you are not allowed to have those kind of
intimate relationships can't have it. You can't have a base b if a friend that is a member of the
opposite * that you could marry doesn't allow for it. Both for our women and for me, I will tell
you does not allow for that kind of relationship.
		
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			Even friends, you should not have members of the same * your best friends. The professional
advisors are mean after Waukesha. You should be going home to your family shouldn't be out there
with friends All the time. Because that family has an Amana, Huck.
		
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			That's you in the masjid. Now, that's you being in the mosque. You don't stay too long in the
masjid. I mean, let's talk about other places that you're going to.
		
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			So as men, yes, we talk to women, there are things that we'll get to inshallah, as time allows,
we'll get to the ladies and the issues. This is a shortcoming with men, mostly. Because it's easy
for us to cut and cut and run. easy for us to find a prospect on the side that's more attractive,
that's easy to get along with in our lives. So we move on.
		
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			You know, this is a I was listening to this documentary, and this lady was saying why people cheat.
They said in the past, people got divorced. And they cheated because they were unhappy in a
marriage. Today, people cheat not because they're unhappy, because they feel I could be happier with
this person. When I look at the Facebook profile of this person, very dangerous. When you search
that Facebook profile of this person that x Ah, all they doing is traveling. all they're doing is
eating a fancy restaurant, it looks like a perfect life. Could it be me? Would that be me?
		
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			And only takes a book starts with a book and back to we know.
		
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			dangerous, dangerous, so big peewee B way the world has become smaller people have come closer
together. You have to build the checks and balances in yourself. And ultimately, it's not the family
that you destroy.
		
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			It's not the wife that you hurt the husband you hurt the kids that you are. Remember you destroy
that relationship with Allah. One of the seven major sins is this thing that if we can stand before
a lie and say ally did me sense but this one, I didn't do it the Prophet says if you can get an t to
Allah, that you protect your tongue what's between your lips and between your legs? I can give you
Jana.
		
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			Say what's your tongue your legs in in you? Are we saved from the fire.
		
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			But these things are not the real reasons why we get divorced, you know that these are not the
number one reason Divorce Attorneys, psychologists, imams will tell you the number one reason why do
people get divorced, in ability to communicate.
		
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			We lack the ability to have proper conversations with our spouses.
		
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			In fact, with your wife and husband, especially after you've had some kids, you'd find your own
talking you talk but you don't communicate anymore. Your communication is what must I get from the
shop shopping list. Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Are we gonna go Yeah, that's your, the
extent to the way you communicate? You're not talking to each other. You don't know what's happening
in her life. What's happening in your life? Are you living apart from each other? Yes, you living
physically together. But emotionally, spiritually, you're completely distant from one another. And a
lot of people come to me when marriages are on the verge of collapse. And in marriage counseling, we
		
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			don't have any secret trick, some secret magic water that fix a marriage, your marriage counseling
is about what's wrong. She's always arguing she's always criticizing me back to my sister who's
criticizing you. What do you say, and I don't criticize him, I just want things to be with our
family, she just wants things to be better. That's all we do.
		
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			For the first time, they have a conversation when they sit with the Imam. And of course, because
they must behave themselves. Now they can't sway and fighting hate each other. Now they have a
proper adult conversation.
		
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			They leave feeling Wow, things are so much better. I didn't fix anything. You fix it because you had
a conversation for the first time in your life. You're able to communicate without being over
emotional bringing up old stories bring up now you have to speak a little bit, logically,
coherently, and things will that's at the end of the day, what counseling is you having a
conversation within a third party that is neutral. And if you are able managed to get successful,
this is what they're able to do. There's a reason why marriages fail within the first five years or
so. Why? Because after the honeymoon phase, when everything is fine, no matter what your wife does,
		
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			it's perfect when no matter what he does, it's perfect. Now you're going to start having to discuss
the real issues. And the about five, six real issues that people talk about and fight about. They
can't come across. But now is the first time in the relationship. They are having major
disagreement, and they don't know how to get across it, how to get across this, this divide, how do
we do it? If you can, if you can get through those first five years, learning how to argue maturely,
then inshallah that's a good indication that for the next 50 years, you'll be together and 50 years.
We are as we say no to this to your party. You continue arguing agenda together?
		
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			No, no, no arguments in gender only happiness in general. So the biggest issue psychologists are
saying, people we are unable to resolve our conflicts effectively. Next week, I'll talk inshallah,
about if time allows or the week after, how should we argue? But before I talk about how should we
argue, what are we arguing about? Number one, the things we argue about the most money in a
relationship, but of openness, laughing and smiling. They've been they had that argument, we just
gave her the bank account and said that solve the problem. Right? Now, money.
		
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			Money affects everything.
		
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			And if you didn't have a long, serious discussion with your partner about money, how money should be
spent, what our objectives is going to be, and it's going to sour your relationship. Money is the
thing that people argue about. In almost every marriage, this is an issue. One party feels we should
get married, and we combine all our assets into one account, every transaction we know another one
is very secretive. What's mine is mine. Don't ask. We work very differently from one another. And
you know, nothing puts more strain on a person than having debt and we are debt driven society. When
you know you have bills to pay, it makes you like sour person, and you're going to take that out on
		
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			your spouse.
		
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			families that are under a lot of deep pressure, naturally, are going to be fighting and arguing.
		
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			What does Sharia say about date about money rather, the Sharia says that as a default as Iseman on
that contract, we
		
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			That bedrock Nika when you said kaabil to you promised not only to physically protect, emotionally
safeguard more important above that you promise to provide her with something called an ethical and
ethical means financial support, maintenance, you made a commitment to a law that as as one, no
matter how much I earn, no matter how much he earns, I will ensure that her basic needs of shelter,
food clothing will be maintained in in accordance of what is reasonable. That's the basics no matter
how bad your relationship goes, no matter what your wife does, no matter how bad things are, you are
never allowed to stop paying nafa so long as you made for example and are in and we've got but five
		
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			sixteenths we argue about money is the first and we'll have to pick up next week time is up. But
that's just one thing the scholars have mentioned. You know, if you have an argument with with you
know, with with your with your with your spouse, doesn't mean you can stop paying them
		
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			doesn't mean you stop buying the groceries. And anyone who does this because why this is required in
terms of unica contract contract didn't say only when you're happy with her. You can pay in Africa,
you know, something else like my Muscovy Omar, you have to pay that matter whether that marriage
works or doesn't work, there are husbands that are divorced to their wives, they're still paying the
ex Muscovy that they never fully paid off. So she wanted like a million Rand Muscovy, you said yes,
you got divorced, you've only paid half of that. You still have to pay the other half a million to
even out even though she's divorced. Why? Because you've committed to that. So for the husbands, you
		
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			know, sometimes I say the Sharia is unfair treatment and fee as happens, we just take it. This is
one of the things Allah has prescribed for us. Of course, there's a way of working with it, and you
can agree, and we'll talk about how to resolve these conflicts in Charlotte next week. All right, so
we'll talk more about money. Domestic chose that's another big argument. Mother in law's big every
marriage panel from the east to the west. This problem in our in laws, we can fix mother and
daughter in law issues. And I've hoped for the AMA and Palestine and Israel these problems can be
fixed as well as an intimacy. One of the big issues people fight about is intimacy. So we'll talk
		
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			about these things. inshallah next week, as we continue in this in this journey, just a few
announcements. So in sha Allah Hajj, the days of hydro begin in about a week's time from now. I
mean, of course, the devil * the ninth of the ledger the dates will be confirmed when we cite the
moon and Eagle at ha so those who would like to support and like the corbon to have good bandwidth
as you can speak to with the talent. We are selling cheap. One of the great Sooners to do on the day
to commemorate newbies marry and be Brahim sacrifice. And then of course from Monday, in again
celebration of women's month we'll be talking about the women around the messenger The Greatest
		
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			Women of Islam, the heroes of Islam, the female sisters, our mothers and we see these are just
sisters many ways you need to know these women more when Abu Bakr and Omar why because these are
your mother's liquid assets. So and there are 12 names you should know all 12 of them. These are
your mothers if you don't know them, then please join our you don't have to subscribe or anything
just send us your WhatsApp number. We don't have it and you will receive it. Some of you already
receiving the Juma lectures and these talks. If you don't want to receive it from me or the message,
just SMS back stop and we'll stop sending it to you. We don't want to burden anyone as well. Zach
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:27
			hello hi Solomonic mark with lava