Happiness Guide #7

Muhammad West


Channel: Muhammad West


File Size: 10.08MB

Episode Notes


  • Deals with managing toxic relationships
  • Rewiring the brain to be happy
  • Dealing with sadness
  • Dealing with suicidal thoughts.
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Transcript ©

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airblown should Allah regimes black man or human 100 laremy alameen wa salatu salam ala Shafi mousseline satana Muhammad Ali Yosef, eh Marian My beloved brothers and sisters in Islam Solomonic Mohammed while he will be required to Alhamdulillah blood amin or praise and worship and thanks to Allah subhanaw taala and shadow Allah Allah, Allah will be a witness that then has the right of worship besides Allah subhanaw taala and we send our love and greetings of love and every Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, to his price and your family to his companions, and all those who follow you soon until the end of time now was pantalla bliss has to be amongst them. I mean, as panela we continue,

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this is our second week. Unfortunately, we are not in the masjid for Juma Masjid put on Islam. Yeah, and the blue cup is closed. Unfortunately, due to the significance of the threat of the COVID virus and sprung up, I know from firsthand experience, and from friends that are working in hospitals, that really the situation has become quite severe, people are sick and people aren't able to find enough beans, ice user overwhelmed. And we just make do off all those who are ill and we make our loss paranoid. Allah grants our safety and security through this very, very difficult time. In many ways. The second wave that we're feeling is perhaps being more difficult in the first wave. And so

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be safe and cautious. We make our dogs and we take all precautions. If we can avoid gatherings, I know it is all the time we went we miss our family, we miss our friends. But if it is best we can try to social distance. Lucky by safe me, we continue our series on happiness is finalized, so difficult to talk about happiness in the current climate. But nonetheless, as we said, the believer tries to be happy and positive in every situation. And this is the this is the way of the believers outlook on life. And we said that really the secret, the golden secret and the golden rule that if you want to live a happy life, we should I invest my time we should I search for that happiness.

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Really, if you really want to focus on something, focus on your relationships, work on your marriage, work on your relationship with your parents, your kids, your siblings, your friends, these things, the relationships, that is the thing that is going to make you happy in the long term. And when you look back at your life, you won't worry about the car that you never got to drive, you won't worry about, you know, the clothing or the luxuries of this life, those are going to be the last things on your mind. You know, at the end of the day, you will look at your memories and the happiness that you had with your loved ones. And Allah grant us to have a happy life with with the

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people around us that Allah has blessed us with these people, our family and our friends, Allah has placed him in our lives, to be part of our of who we are and to spend our time together in this dunya. And of course, the ultimate objective. The real beauty of this is that we hope that one day, we will all be, you know, friends and family in general through those mean, now, of course at the same time, while our relationships, this is the secret to our happiness, many, many people will tell me that the source of the unhappiness, the misery that they feel in their life is because of the relationships or is just one specific relationship. They might have many wonderful relationships,

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you know, a happy marriage, but they have a bad relationship with a parent, they might have a wonderful relationship with with the friends and the family, but they have a miserable relationship at work. And just one relationship is so toxic and so damaging that it is the cause of all the stress and the anxiety and to spiral off, how do we deal with people that are unfortunately toxic people that have baggage people that no matter how much we try, and the things we do they just bring about misery in our life. How do we move on with a relationship like that? Sure, we can all think about someone who has hurt us. Someone that has continuously been harsh or rude, someone that we may

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dislike or even hate and hate is a strong word. There are people that make us constantly feel negative about ourselves, they belittle us they bring about misery they bring about drama and unnecessary conflict in our life. They are you know, people that are arrogant, controlling, judgmental, invia self absorbed, these kinds of people that that love and feed of negativity that you know, Subhanallah you see the phone number pop up on your phone, and you don't even want to answer the phone you fold with greed, your entire mood changes when they walk in your presence, and SubhanAllah. So all of us and I hope you don't have a picture of someone in your mind. But all of us

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can relate to someone like that. So how do we deal with someone like this? Unfortunately, as Muslims, as we know, that if this person is a family member in particular, we don't have the luxury of ignoring them or shunning them or cutting them out of our life. We don't have this concept in Islam. And if it's someone that we need to work with, maybe it's someone at work, you have no option but to interact with this person. And you know, Allah subhanaw taala or the Prophet also tells us that indeed there are people that are themselves toxic, they bring misery wherever they go. the prophecies of the people that Allah hates alights you don't just hate them, Allah Himself hates them

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are people that are rude. They are harsh to other people. They are loud and they shout and they use obscene language at night, they have foul they do horrible things, you know in the evenings and they are foolish by date, they bring about you know, mischief wherever they go. They are, you know, they might be very proficient and they might be very successful in the dunya. But they have no knowledge about

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The article, you know, we can imagine this person may be very successful, and he believes his success is his material success gives him the right to belittle or to make other people feel small. These kinds of people have lost power that hates them. Now, if you have such a person in your life, how do you deal with this kind of person. And before I continue, just, I want us to think for a moment and ask yourself, perhaps you are that person. But perhaps you are the toxic person in your story. If you find yourself that you have an issue, you look at your marriage, and there is a problem, you constantly have issues in your marriage, you constantly have issues with your parents,

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with your children, with your siblings, with your friends, with your co workers, your colleagues, your neighbors. Now, if all your relationships, there are some kind of conflict that you have, and you're always moving from one confrontation to another, you're always having beef with someone else, then the common denominator is you or brother or sister. And so you might be the toxic person, you might be the ones panela that Allah says, he dislikes. And when you need to seriously look at your own and all of us Pamela, we need to own our own baggage, our own toxicity, we should own it, that if we bring misery to others, then we should really check ourselves and not allow us Wrangler

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grinders to be better. I mean, so how do we deal with someone like this, if we have such a person, our life or loss pilot tells us first thing is for us to be in mind, this is a reality, we cannot escape. And this person might be putting our life deliberately by Allah subhanaw taala, just like a lotus, with COVID-19, with poverty with, you know, illness with whatever it might be, although sometimes tease us with people, Allah says what you're under but other company but I didn't fit into a spirit when Allah says, and I have made some of you some people, a fitna a trial, a taste for others, to see if you will have patience, how will you deal with this difficult relationship. And

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then Allah says And ever is your Lord seem always very aware of the things these people do to you. And so we really are being tested with this person with this relative. And you can either choose to respond beautifully in an Islamic manner, or you can respond in a negative way, which is sinful. Now, and we'll talk about how do I respond? islamically sometimes we have this misconception that to respond islamically it means I shouldn't have boundaries, I shouldn't stand up for myself, I should accept the abuse this person is giving there is not an Islamic way of of responding, we will talk in sha Allah, how do we respond? Should I just, you know, isn't it better for me just to walk away and

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live an isolated life can I have love this COVID-19 life even in sha Allah when this pandemic ends, profits loses know, the believer who mixes with people and induce the harm as a greater reward than the one who does not mix with people. And it's how do you begin shows you that mixing with people is messy, having relationships, having a social network is messy, you're always going to have some kind of friction. And so it is, it is sometimes easier to live in isolated life, but it's not an Islamic life. Also, one of the reasons why sometimes we feel miserable in these kinds of situations. And again, we might have wonderful relationships with most people in our life. And it just does one

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person, this one, somebody that can bring us down, that can really make us feel feel so sad. And really one of the secrets of being happy is to let go and not take it so personally, is to not hope and look for the validation of this person all the time. Some people and some personalities will never get along. It was meant that way. As we know, from the Hadith, the prophet SAW sentences, souls are like groups of soldiers, those who are in the same group, they recognize one another. And so on the dounia they get along, and then those who are in a different group. So Allah created us in batches, if you are in the so you mix with people of a similar kind your soul mix with people of a

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similar kind, and you just naturally get along. And then there are some people that were you were created differently for from a room perspective. And therefore you just will not see eye to eye, maybe it's a sibling, maybe it's your spouse that you got married to, and you don't see eye to eye. And so there's always going to be some kind of friction, this relationship will not be easy. You need to manage it. And so you will never ever get along. Naturally we need to do some work. So how do I how do we respond from an Islamic perspective? So let's say someone has insulted you, someone does something harmful to you. How do you respond? Well, one of the ways Allah says in the Quran, or

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either an Arab in love with Maru kiama when they pass by a foul and the lewd and Ill speech when people say rude things against them, they respond with dignity or dignity doesn't mean that you turn the other cheek and get slapped again. It means you will not belittle yourself. So he sways and he's you know, someone in the traffic is shouting at you and using obscenities you don't respond with that kind of obscenity as well, but you pass by with your dignity intact. So always tell yourself that if someone is a horrible person to me, I don't have to be a horrible person in return. I can stand up for myself. I can put bound

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I can say what is right. But I will not, I will not belittle myself by becoming undignified another, perhaps a more a higher level kind of response. Allah says in the same students will often call whatever the hotter Mojo, he Luna call Oussama that when the jehlen when the ignorant people and the really a person that is a racist, a person that is six is a person that is obnoxious, it really isn't. It's a j Leah mindset. And so when a j Hill speaks to you, or jail says something to you, you can either engage with this person and become a J, like him or her. Or you can be dignified and respond with Salaam peace be upon your meeting. Also a Salah means Goodbye, I don't want to

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entertain this discussion anymore. and in this situation, it is perhaps better for you to distance yourself, you're not cutting yourself off permanently from this person. But you might need a timeout, I just can't be in your company right now. Maybe we need a few days to call off. And so you distance yourself with peace with a dignified way. Another advice that we get from the prophets also, we find ourselves in arguments with these people. And literally, when you find a genuinely truly toxic person, they thrive off chaos and misery. They want you to engage and in fact, you can never you can never out argue them. You can never beat him in a debate or discussion because it will

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continue and continue you know they will never see your perspective. And so it is actually to your your peace of mind to just cut the argument short and say you know what if that's your opinion, when Salaam to you, I go my way I go your way. And the Prophet says to you, I guarantee you a place in Jana, I guarantee you a home in Jana, I think of your dream house with it, you know, in Bishop score to Clifton's panel up and your boss told you, I will guarantee you this house in Clifton is what most I do, what should I do to get this? Just stop arguing? Even if you are right, so don't argue even if you are right, people are arguing with you they confronting you don't respond. Don't argue

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with them just walk away. And I'll give you your dream house. How old take that the problem is saying and guaranteeing your place in general will be secured. But if you leave of arguing, even if you are in the right, even when you are right Subhan Allah, How bad is it? If you argue even when you are in the wrong? Now, does this mean that I always have to say I always have to walk away, be the better person. Don't say, you know, say Salaam never respond back? Does it mean I have to accept abuse? No. So Allah subhanaw taala, as we know, wants us to have good relationships and to keep family ties and to keep especially even with with brothers, you know, our Muslim Brothers, our

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neighbors, we shouldn't spend, you know, three days shaming one another, there are certain levels of rights that we need to always give each other. And how could one person has on another person, even if there's some kind of tension? And so what guidelines are they in managing these difficult relationships? Maybe even more difficult? What if you have an issue with a parent? Now, perhaps this is the most difficult kind of relationship with extinction. Why? Because Islam has insisted has imposed upon us that a parent will always have a mess of right over the child, the child was always shown a level of obedience and respect. In fact, when Allah speaks about our interactions, when we

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talk to our parents, when I speak to my mother and my father, I need to speak to them with a son, which means with the best, the best of speech and the best and the most kindness of words. So when things are good, it's easy to give a sign to our parents. What if we have some disagreement, and doesn't mean that parents are always perfect. It might be that your father, your mother is wrong, maybe she or he is is completely wrong. And they are the ones that are in the other one that they're the one that is is being abusive against you. So how do you respond to this, and you always have to accept whatever they're doing. Remember, there is no obedience, even your parents in disobedience to

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Allah subhanaw taala give you a scenario. So Mother, mother in law, duty, no common kind of area of tension, mother in law is imposing upon the daughter, imposing upon the son visiting all the time, or insisting that you must come to my house all the time. And the son feels like I need to obey my mother, whatever requests she makes, even though it's an unreasonable request. Even though it is an old, abusive request, I need to do it because my mother has insisted and I must obey. If you're taking the rights of your wife or your children, or of anyone else to appease your mother, then what you're doing is haram. You need to somehow this obey her. If that is the right thing to do. You need

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to just obey her if if that is the correct thing to do, but with respect in with a son, a very difficult thing and almost speaks about this in the Quran. When Allah speaks about that, you have to give your parents your son give him the bits of treatment, but if they encourage you to disbelieve in Allah, then then still be with him in good companionship. But don't listen to them. We don't follow through when they are asking you all of that which is which is an Islamic, so you can disobey someone you can say no to some

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With an Islamic way with respect and with kindness seeking, Allah has given you certain rights, right as a wife rights as children, as co workers as siblings, and you should not allow your heart and your dignity to be belittled or to be taken from you. And you should stand up for your rights again, in an honorable, dignified way, then a veto Sallam stood up against the oppressors in his community, he didn't swear at them, he was never rude, he was never harsh, he was merciful, but he was aligned in which he did not give in. And so stand up for yourself in a way where you express how this person is harming you. And and, you know, a simple, you know, there's a three step process

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basically, when you went to raise a concern, you tell them how the actions made you feel. And that person, you know, you can't, you can't blame someone for feeling a certain way. So you say, this is what you did. You mentioned specifically you did XYZ. Number two, you tell them how this made you feel. And number three, you say if this continues, how this is going to impact your relationship. And so you express you tell them what they're doing wrong. Of course, if they continue to argue, you might decide it's best that we distance ourselves for some time. But it does not mean that you allow a person to continue. Remember, we spoke about abuse that we find our community, many times we say

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keep it quiet, put it under the rug, say Family Ties nose panel, in this case, if someone is harming other people, then it is actually incumbent on us to stop that person from abusing others in the relationship. If you cannot have a good relationship with someone, say you've tried all avenues, I try to be nice, I try to bring about a good, you know, kill this person with kindness. It hasn't worked. At the very least try to have a civil relationship. So we don't have to be best friends. We don't even have to be best brothers and sisters, we don't even have to get along all the time. But what is duty you from an Islamic perspective, there's a certain dignity they call them. When I when

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when you greet me, I greet you back. When you invite me, I'll honor that invitation. If you smile with me, I'll smile with you that whatever good you give me Our reciprocate. But if you give me harm, I won't give you back any harm, I will say Salaam and I will not argue and engage you in when you are being abusive to me. So try to have a civil relationship. If you can't have a close relationship, Islam is saying and at least be civil and mature. If interacting with that person brings you harm, or makes you a horrible person, then you need to set up boundaries, meaning, so let's say, you know, whenever your in laws come over, there's always some kind of tension. There's

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always some kind of conflict. And so it is best for you to limit your interactions. So what is the right of your parents, it doesn't mean that you have to see your mom and dad every single day, if they have a need, of course, you have to fulfill that need. And you have to see them regularly and maintain that relationship. But so it is good to have very set boundaries that on this time on these days, we will come visit you on these days, we know we won't come unannounced, you shouldn't come unannounced so we can prepare ourselves. Because with boundaries, we know exactly how to keep things in line. Some parents might feel well, you know, should I should? Why should I? Why should I

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announce I'm coming to visit my son or my daughter. Remember, while that might be your son's house, your daughter's house, it is also the house of the spouse. And they have a right to their privacy, they have a right to their own

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their own time together. And you are imposing on that you're taking from the hack. And what you're doing is sinful. And so it is good to respect each other's boundaries. Just because we are brothers doesn't mean I can take my brother's positions without asking him, they should be this level of boundaries and respect. And we shouldn't infringe on the rights of each other because this was going to cause tension. And of course, if all sincere efforts have been tried, and we you know, we still can't find a mutual understanding that in fact, being together causes us to be worse kind of people that in some instances, it is better actually, to break that relationship. For example, we might

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find a husband and wife that so long is they are together, the ease tension, the sweating these misery, you know the Sharia doesn't want you to love Allah does not want you to live in a loveless, miserable marriage. The best thing in this life that you could have is a happy marriage. And so if you're married, and you've tried very hard, you've gone through the process, you've been sincere to fix this marriage. And it just is no reconciliation between you then Islam allows you to break this relationship. Some relationships, of course, as we said, you can never break it. You can maybe keep it at a very civil and they could be a distance between you maybe yourself and a sibling, even

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yourself and a parent a degree of distance. You don't have to be living together all the time. But some relationships, some friendships, you can actually sever that friendship and say look, we will only be acquaintances in humanity. I will give you the UK that is old from one person to another, but we will not be this close relationship because it is better for us to to have this separation. And in that case, if it is best for both and it's mutually acceptable, then I'm having the luck

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cheriya has given us that that option, remember, in all our relationships, the reason why we move closer is not to make this person happy or to make yourself happy it is to please Allah subhanaw taala we give goodness to Appearance goodness to our spouses, our children, our friends, we got over and above what is required of us, because we do it to strengthen our bond with Allah subhanaw taala that is the ultimate relationship. And as I mentioned this hadith so many times, it really a way to intergender without having to perform mountains and mountains of eBuy that you know, ritualistic by that we know that it sort of tells us that if you really want to have success in the affair, you

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really want a high place in Jannah. What is better than spending hours in the masala extra Salah or spending millions in charity of extra charity, or spending days and months and years in fasting? What will give you more reward and all these things is to reconcile in the time of discord, meaning when the extension and is fighting in these arguments. You are the peacemaker, you are the mediator, you're the one that brings people together. You are the one who says my first doing these things are so difficult to handle off. But if you do that the prophets of Allah say you will get such a great reward for Allah so CMF bring about peace, you believe the Salam first, not for him, not for her,

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but for the sake of Allah. Allah bless you in your life in your family. Most parents Allah bless all of us in our relationships. Let us be the bigger person for the sake of Allah and Allah grant us happiness in our relationships mean also loss and I'm hammered while ariosa happy or sad. I'm also having low blood, amin said I want to work with a lawyer but to get to