DONATION APPEAL!

ALL our Projects are FREE and with no advertisements.

We serve millions of downloads a month... Now! Imagine earning on-going rewards of every lecture and quran audio and so on.

As well as helping us cover our running costs and future projects!

mufti menk image

"I really think this is one of the greatest causes one could support"

    Become a Patron
    Donate via PayPal

More Information and Options

Be the Glue

share this pageShare Page
Muhammad West

Channel: Muhammad West

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:11

out of alignment to shaytan al rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Marian my beloved brothers and sisters, a Sudan Malik and welcome to Llahi wabarakatuh

00:00:12--> 00:00:48

Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen WA is if we will begin with the praise and thanks of Allah subhanaw taala and I should of Allah, Allah, Allah Allah will testify that is none worthy of worship besides Allah subhanaw taala we send our love greetings, salutations, beloved Debbie Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his pious and pure family, his companions, and all those who follow Him until the end of time, may Allah grant us to be amongst them. I mean, I mean, when hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah. Last week, we spoke about the the transition of many of our seniors along granddam Jana, for those who have passed away, and those who are too ill to take up the mantle of leadership, they are

00:00:49--> 00:01:33

sort of resigned from from those positions, we're seeing a need for new leadership. And last week, we called out to each and every one of you as you begin this new year, that if you are, you know, as a young man or young woman, and by youth, women, basically between the ages of 30 and 60, if you're not yet retired, and you're not in school anymore, you know, you're not in high school, you're not retired, then really, you need to play a role within your community, you need to be part and parcel of the development and the leadership of the of the OMA. And, as we said with COVID. Unfortunately, that many people have passed away. And that transition is as as speed up and all of us need to be

00:01:33--> 00:02:16

take charge now and play out. Oh, I've also noticed and personally in my own capacity, I'm sure all of you that many of the leaders, the heads of our families have passed away. Last week, Mike ran or in this week's panel on Tuesday, my grandmother passed away. While grunt I place in Jana. Last year, my grandfather on my mom's side pass to him Allah grantee, my place in Jana. And so in my family on both sides, we've lost sort of the patriarch, the matriarch of the family, and I'm sure in your own families, you've lost those senior people that you depend on that we turned to for guidance that we turned to for advice. And today, we today I Inshallah, following on from last week, saying that each

00:02:16--> 00:02:57

and every one of us should look to our own families, and step up and play that leadership role. And you need to someone in the family needs to be the glue that keeps your family together. I have noted, and many Imams panela, that during the COVID period, because of the mental stress because people are boxed in together. There's a lot of family life happening. Sometimes work is a good distraction from the wife from asmin. And when we are too long together holiday periods you find I'm it's panela. This last week I've had every night almost counseling, you think of the holidays, people are more relaxed and happy. No, they come out and there's a lot of issues to deal with. And

00:02:57--> 00:03:38

so holidays and COVID has done a lot to damage families. And so families fall apart, if we don't actively work on keeping them together, if we don't actively work on keeping them together. That is a Hadith in Sahih Muslim, where we see how the agents of iblees work diligently. They are peep they are they are Shayateen working day and night. And the primary job is to break your family apart and my family apart in the Hadith says that he believes he calls his managers each day. Bliss is very busy. And he asked them What have you done? What have you done all his little shayateen and they'll say I caused this one to come and Xena of course that one to kill, take drugs. And also that's not

00:03:38--> 00:04:20

important. That's not then someone will say I caused a family to be split up husband and wife to fall apart parents and kids to fall apart and the police will come. You are You are the man you are the one that that has done a good job. And so these actively an effort a push by police to coerce kill off to cause friction and therefore there has to be a counter effort to keep family ties together. You find in the Quran, Allah Spangler silica silica Rahim, to connect family. It's a verb. It doesn't happen on its own. Someone needs to do the hard work in keeping the family together. We know that the Navy SEAL Salam says there is no sin more deserving, that Allah should bring about the

00:04:20--> 00:04:59

punishment quickly. Then the person who commits his injustice and oppressor and someone who breaks down his family ties with neglect his family ties and for every family. There are those family members who are difficult. Every family member has its black sheep. It's it's part of life. Allah subhanaw taala chose those people to be part of our families, there are those who naturally want to pull away naturally when the whole family wants to do one thing. They want to do the opposite. And there's always friction. We always have these people either in our families and our jobs, these toxic people, it's part of life and if we do not work actively in keeping the family together

00:05:00--> 00:05:02

It's gonna fall apart than me. So Salam says

00:05:03--> 00:05:47

that he said to Aisha, of the worst people to Allah, are those people who you abandon you don't contact them, you leave them away, because you don't want to be involved with them because they're because of the bad character. There are some people you know, when you want to arrange a function, there's some people you excited to meet and others that you do I really have to invite that person do we really have to ask him or her to be the when you bump them even though they family you bumped into them at the shop you my day, you know, then so Selim says, the people that ALLAH SubhanA hates Allah hates, is the kind of person that is rude and harsh to others, that shouts and loud, abusive,

00:05:47--> 00:06:28

foul by night and foolish by day, they know a lot about the date consumed themselves with the face of the dunya, but they're ignorant about the akhira. So in every family, in every circle of friendship, we have members and groups of people, we have individuals, that it's easier to cut them off, it's easier to abandon them, it's easier not to be part of not to be work with them. And I have seen this you know, I always say that the Imam is the cheapest form of counseling. If you really you first want to go to the Imam first because you know, slavery is a lot cheaper than a therapy session. And many times the the problem that you have people will say I have got a problem with my

00:06:28--> 00:07:03

wife, my husband, my parents, my kids, my brother, my sister. This one hurt me. You know, the word narcissist is used a lot everyone is a narcissist nowadays, right? That's the term that everyone uses. So but there are people who has hurt you. Personally, there is a family member that may be spoke to you, rudely. Someone that you dislike, you might even hate that person's panela someone you're not speaking to someone that whenever you in the company, if you've met them now the other day, it's been the first time in a long time you meet them, you say Inshallah, I don't have to see this person again for the next holiday. So right

00:07:04--> 00:07:22

there, whenever you speak to them, it's only negativity, and they breed negativity, and they are controlling or judgmental or self absorbed. All those kinds of things that when you see the number on the phone, you prefer not to answer it. You leave that WhatsApp message the few days before you open it. Oh, I only saw your message now.

00:07:24--> 00:07:29

But this is part of the people that Allah has placed in our lives. Allah says in the Quran,

00:07:30--> 00:08:14

are about to come live out in fitna, we have made some of you a test for others. Allah has deliberately put that but that's your test. That child that husband, that wife, that parent is your test. Allah says I have put that person in your life as a bit as a fitna at us. Varun, will you be patient? Will you react in a positive manner? And then Allah says and he's ever seen, he knows what's going on. He knows the problem child's. And there'll be so Salam also mentions, so how do we deal in a family? We, we have Phil off. And as I said, what how this links to last week is usually we add a mommy or daddy, a senior uncle who sort of was the referee. They would get in and they

00:08:14--> 00:08:51

would sort of mediate, they would say guys, thanks, guys. Yes, let's put our family defense aside. Let's get together. They actively were the the people who brought about so I had that in my family. I don't know if you guys have that in your families. But when these people leave, when they pass away when they're too old, you find the family just drifts. And the captain of the ship, who was keeping everyone together, when that person is gone. Everyone sort of does their own thing. When there's a tension fight, it doesn't get resolved. It just simmers and festers for months, no one talks to each other. Where's Mommy would have picked up the phone and said the two of you come here,

00:08:51--> 00:08:55

we're gonna sort this out now. Now when that is gone, that's when a family falls apart.

00:08:57--> 00:09:34

You must also understand, now we're in all of our relationships. Not everyone is going to be your best friend and no one is not everyone you're going to get along with very well. Not every brother is your favorite sibling. Not every sister is your favorite sibling than me. So some says don't take this personally. Because souls are created in batches. We spoke with Hadith many times. Souls are created by Allah in groups. And if you recognize a soul that is created from that same type that same group, you automatically get get get along very well. Aisha in this hadith name is Pamela side story to this, I should see is that there was a lady from Makkah who was very jovial, she's an

00:09:34--> 00:10:00

auntie that always makes jokes and laughs and everything. And when she came to Medina when she made Ijarah, there was an auntie in Medina and also like that, the jokey auntie, and the two of them automatically when they met each other, they hit it off. They were like sisters, like they never they never saw each other. But it's like I've known you all my life and I'm sure many of you have had that encounter. You meet someone and it's as if though we are Allah, we can speak for hours. We just have this natural connection. And there are some people

00:10:00--> 00:10:14

Well, they might have shared the same womb with you say, Mother, same father. But getting along is just difficult for that person. It's how Allah subhanaw taala made made us and we have to manage it. In spite of that,

00:10:15--> 00:10:56

when you will find yourself in this in this kind of situation, it's important that we don't pull away, that we can't fix our communities if we can't fix our families. And irrespective of how bad your brother is, your sister is, How bad are your kids or whatever it might be. We in do, we do not cut each other off. Then the responses the believer who mixes with the people and endures the harm, he still persists with his family has a greater reward than the one who does not mix with the people and just cut himself away. He says you know what the bunch of you. I don't have time for this. I'm gonna focus on myself. That is not the way of a believer. And it's and when you hear Allah says,

00:10:56--> 00:11:34

well, when he speaks about the believers, when the year Huzoor, were either Maru Beloved, we Maruka Rama that when negativity is given to them, when you have a family member that is abusive, is rude to you, they speak ill of you, they comment in a bad way Maruka Rama you pass by that better than them. You did not engage in that when the ignorant also the way the horrible Jackie Luna con cinema or when someone wants to fight with you. Someone wants to engage negatively with you. You respond with salaam with peace either meaning, peace, I make peace you want to fight or Salam Alaikum I'm going to not be involved in this argument.

00:11:37--> 00:12:17

Every family goes through this kind of difficulty. Every family, there is no family that's exempted even the family of Nabi Muhammad sallahu wa salam, the most, the you know, the Alaouite, the best family, family number one, the one that Allah subhanaw taala purified, even within those families you had feed off your attention between his wives, your attention between him and his wife, Subhan Allah and Allah subhanho wa Taala had meant for us to continuously work on that relationship, to continuously fix it, when something breaks, we work on it again. And we know that our businesses, the best way to do this is that he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him only speak good

00:12:17--> 00:12:54

or keep quiet. Always think about it, that when you are going to communicate with your family, when you're going to respond to that message, either do it in a good way, or keep quiet. Now also some might say yes, I think this hadith I haven't spoken to her in years, I have nothing good to say to her. So I'm not going to speak now that Channing that's a different that's a different thing. People like to use the Hadith in the wrong context. We do not speak ill and we do not Shang either. We know that Allah says that the gates of Jannah he opens the gates of forgiveness of his stepfather on Mondays and Thursdays one of the reasons why he then be Salam Foston on a Monday and Thursday, and

00:12:54--> 00:13:23

everyone who does not come and check with Allah will be forgiven, except to the person who has a beef who has a quarrel with his with his brother with his family member. And Allah will say, wait until these two are reconciled before I forgive them. Before I put Baraka in their life, before I fix them, before I fix the life, they need to fix the relationship. And the first of them to pick up the phone and say salam alaikum how are you? I haven't heard from you in a while. They are the the he's the bit of the to

00:13:25--> 00:13:37

maintaining your family, as we said is an active continuous work. It's a struggle. It's part of the reasons why Allah subhanaw taala has made it one of the primary

00:13:38--> 00:13:52

measures of success in this dunya a person who has made a lot of sada a lot of Ebola to Allah, but he's a horrible person to his family. This kind of person will have a severe Ebola predicted problem on the day of Kiama.

00:13:53--> 00:14:09

Allah subhanaw taala mentions in the in a hadith could see that he has taken the name Rahim from the writing from the uterus, and whoever cuts the uterus cuts his family members is as if though he's cutting Allah disassociating himself from Allah subhanho wa taala.

00:14:11--> 00:14:47

Now we spoke about each and every one of us. We need to work with our family members in do the difficulties. We came up to the holidays. Hopefully it was a good holiday if you had quarrels over the holidays, fix those quarrels. But I said over and above that every family member needs a head of the household. Now usually it's not about who pays the bills and who's the one kill the head of the household. Don't confuse being in charge with leadership. The person who shows leadership is the one who sees a problem in his family. You know, one of the youngsters are not doing so well. One of the fat couples are quarreling.

00:14:48--> 00:15:00

He doesn't stand back or she doesn't stand back. But she gets involved in a good way not to be Bursar nosy, but to actually get involved, to fix things to be an agent of an agent of reconciliation.

00:15:00--> 00:15:40

Every family member needs that every fare or sorry, every family needs that. And I've, as I said, I've witnessed it in my family, in my wife's family, that when those seniors, those elders pass away, we don't have that person anymore. And so it requires, from each and every one of you to look at your own families, and step up, maybe it's you, maybe you're the person that needs to step up, and get involved and be the shepherd, than everyone says, All of you are shepherds, all of you are responsible, all of you are going to be held accountable to Allah. No one can say, I'm just a sheep. No, no, you're all shepherds. And you need to take that leadership step.

00:15:41--> 00:15:55

Within your family. Last week, we spoke about volunteering for the community, that's important. When it comes to your family. It's not volunteerism, it's recorded. It's compulsory, it's required an obligation, you need to get involved in the face of your family.

00:15:57--> 00:16:32

Take the lead in keeping your loved ones together. You look at where there's problems in your family who's that person that we haven't spoken to in a while, usually, with big families, maybe you have certain groups of cousins or siblings that are together. And then one or two that no one really speaks to, we only see them on weddings, or whatever it is, you take the lead in bringing them into the fold, put your put and if you want to be the referee, not for the sake of being the referee, or being in charge, or being the one that calls the shots. But if you really want to be the one that keeps your family together, it's a difficult road, because you need to be above the petty

00:16:32--> 00:17:07

differences. When the family decides where we're going to go for the picnic. You might have your own personal opinion. But you step back and you say you guys decide I go with the flow, you need to be the one that is easygoing, the one that is accommodating the one that doesn't have an issue with anybody, the one that people trusts, you will be the one that is sincere in giving advice and guidance. Your family members should look to you that when they something very personal, and they want to come and ask for advice. They come to you for that advice. When others pull away, you pull them back and keep them together. When you see others are in conflict, you're the means of

00:17:07--> 00:17:10

reconciliation. And if there's a family member that's in trouble,

00:17:12--> 00:17:48

we don't say Well, that's his business. We all big people know, you get involved. You don't say Well, that's so and so's child, my child. You get involved, because that's your family. That's your family member. And even with a black sheep, and we know this the visa Salam when we spoke about keeping family ties together and Sahaba would say that Rasulillah Salam, we keep our family ties together, we are good and we speak and we, you know, we have our we play our old but it's always this one. That's difficult. That's the problem one. So there are businesses, the person who perfectly maintains the proper way he's telling you, the proper way of keeping family ties is not to

00:17:48--> 00:18:13

be good. We're the one who gets that he gets something in return from his family. It's easy to be good with that relative that you get along well with the one that you close with. That's easy, but the one who keeps family ties is where the one who persists in doing so even though the letter has severed had cut him off. It is what the one that nobody wants to speak to that you take the first step that is real, keeping family ties.

00:18:14--> 00:18:52

That is the one that is really that hard path that Allah speaks about. Allah speaks about filata humble Acaba, who of you will walk the path of Aqaba, aka beans V the steep road, who is going to take the hard road. This is one of the hard difficult paths to take. But you will be above the petty differences. And I'm going to be that glue that reconstruct the one that keeps the family together. It's easy for parents to keep children together because by nature, we always love our kids, we can never see our kids drift away. It's more difficult when it's siblings, when it's uncles and aunties. But the nature of family member families now is we've lost those leaders. We've lost the patriarchs

00:18:52--> 00:19:02

and matriarchs, the auntie that phones everybody up but organizes the bride or the picnic. Someone else needs to do that. And when

00:19:03--> 00:19:08

bad or you're confronted with evil, with harm by your family members, Allah says,

00:19:09--> 00:19:18

Allah says it ability here as an that when good and good and evil cannot be equal. When you are confronted with evil, you respond with good

00:19:20--> 00:19:42

that is the way that then then the one who who are infused with what will be like close friends, Allah says that when you are confronted with evil, whether it's your family or outside of your family, but especially your family, whether it's in your marriage, with your husband, with your wife, where your partner has given you something negative, respond with something positive, and Allah subhanaw taala. Allah subhanaw taala will assist you.

00:19:44--> 00:19:59

Another way that I've recently started with the hub by love, it's natural that I do have to be the one that ensures you assist people you support your family, give gifts, it's important to do that to keep family members together.

00:20:00--> 00:20:37

Now it's not easy to be that that person that glue in the family, it's not easy to be to play that leadership role in your family. What do you get in return? So we know it's difficult. It's difficult picking up the phone with someone you haven't spoken to in a long time. It's difficult to be the first one to say math, Allah, it's very difficult to be the first person to say math is difficult to burden yourself. When you're struggling with your own job and your own kids and still worrying about extended family is very difficult. Someone has to do it. But in return, Allah subhanaw taala has said that you are the one who cuts family members off is cutting Allah off. And so by extension, if

00:20:37--> 00:21:20

you're the one that pursues family ties, you're pursuing your connection with Allah, you are coming closer to Allah. Many times when we speak in counseling, we say don't do it for the wife or the husband. Do it for the sake of Allah be the better person for the sake of Allah because you know, Allah subhanho wa Taala will, will compensate you for that. That ahaadeeth Hana resources, he guarantees you a place in Jannah who gives off arguing Subhan Allah a guaranteed place in Jana just not to fight. And there's a hadith that says that should I not tell you of the people who are forbidden to go to jam, the people will get those hubs of course, haram for such a possibility. Jana

00:21:20--> 00:21:27

Musa personally out of Sula, a person who gets along with others, and is easygoing, as polite this kind is without luck.

00:21:28--> 00:21:41

We also know that it is better for you to focus your efforts on reconciling your family than to make that you that night and force in the day and give charity to the masjid better for you to put that effort in your own family.

00:21:42--> 00:22:21

That Allah subhanho wa Taala promises you he will, he will support hadith of Abu Hurayrah, Abu Huraira complained about the same thing. I do a lot for my family. But this is one family member. That's very difficult. It's just a difficult guy. So then our business is continue. You do your part. And I promise you Allah is assisting you with an angel. Allah will send you assistance in your business. Allah will make life easier for you with your children, Allah will make life easier for you in your health. Allah Subhan will not let that that effort go wasted. We know that hadith and Sunnah says, Whoever makes effort in keeping his family together, then his life will be extended and

00:22:21--> 00:23:02

his risk will be increased, his risk will be increased. Every single one of us Jamaica Muslimeen said last week and this week, leadership is needed in our communities and in our families. And our problem as a community is that no one takes up the role. We can all point the finger we can all point out the problems. We know there's a problem in that masjid and that organization, that's a problem with that family member that that youngster is off the path. That guy doesn't do this. But who takes the first step in saying I'm going to do something to fix it. We don't have enough people that play the role of making Islam that plays the role of fixing things make that you're near, that

00:23:02--> 00:23:39

I want to be someone in my family that keeps my family together, that keeps my community together. And in that you will get your agenda we've Nila that will be your success in the law. We end up with this dua and we hope that this is the case for your families and my family. Robin abdominus why watching with React Kurata I know Jana and with Tatiana imamo Allah, let our wives our children, our family members be the coolness the calmness of eyes, that whenever we see them, life gets better, that we are excited to come home every day from work. We are excited to see them and spend time with him. When we are away from each other, we miss one another.

00:23:40--> 00:23:52

But it is not that when we spend time with each other too long. We become frustrated that we can't wait for work to begin. We can't wait for school to begin. Okay. That's normal. We can't wait for school to begin to submit to send the kids to school that is a bit that's a bit normal.

00:23:54--> 00:23:59

But we Subhanallah should not be people that resent spending time with family time is a burden.

00:24:00--> 00:24:06

May Allah grant that we find happiness in each other and grant is still fake. I mean, just like Well hey, just a few announcements.

00:24:07--> 00:24:30

The stationary packs for the for the New Year 100 ran to support a young person in the studies and we continue appealing for anyone who can assist in our soup kitchen and our is our soup kitchen collection. Please contribute if you can be Nila Shukla Hi it was Allah say no Muhammad Ali sufficient under saline Hamdulillah belaga Minister Nawaz MacArthur