Fiqh Of Love Episode #8 Qualifications Of The Righteous Wife

Muhammad Salah


Channel: Muhammad Salah

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salam ala craft Allah Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim. Welcome back to another episode of the thick of love. And today I'm joined in the studio, or should I say by the pool? Dr. Mohamed Salah salah. Come share, welcome Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh thanks for coming on the show again having Rila Thank you Baraka, Allah. So Sheikh, we've been discussing the flick of love the understanding of love and marriage in Islam, and how we can seek the right spouse. In the previous episode, we were speaking about finding the right man, you know, and how the role of the Guardian how and also the role of the community as a whole, in helping others get married. So how can we actually for the men,

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how can we find the right woman? This is one of the most important things in the world. In most cases, whenever a measure is discussed, normally, people begin with what kind of qualities A man should look for whenever he wants to marry in a woman? Yeah. And rarely people speak about, you know, what about the man.

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But what we did is we started off with the qualities that a woman should seek and a man who is proposing to her or she is interested in.

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So today, like to begin by the Hadith, which is a very famous Hadith, and it's a highly sound Hadith agreed upon its authenticity, the guidelines with regards to choosing a woman

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to be a life mate, in which the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, don't call Mara to the ARB.

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Don't call Mara truly Arba a woman may be married or chosen for marriage for four qualities.

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And then the Prophet sallallahu Sallam proposed the beauty, the wealth, the family lineage, and the dean, the religious commitment. And then he said, For me that it didn't tell you, but yeah, that. So he said, peace be upon him, that you should focus on the quality of the religious commitment in a woman whom you want to take as your life mate, and your future spouse, lest you lose. So if you don't do that you're a loser. I claim this hadith is broadly misunderstood. Because a lot of those who are religiously committed or you know, the students of knowledge, the thing that hadith says that you should neglect all equalities and only look for a religious woman, even if she is not

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pretty, as you know, that the concept of beauty varies from one individual to another, you have a preference which may be different than mine, you may see something pretty, I perceive otherwise, you know, in general, and likewise with respect of women, respect of women, choosing men, and so on the people have different preferences. And

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so, the Prophet sallallahu sallam said in general, why

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people marry the you look for the following qualities for the beauty and it comes as number one, the first factor and then the family the world's the family lineage. And he said by the end people really care about if they do care about their religious commitment. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam did not dismiss the previous qualities. Rather he said, Okay, so if you find a woman who has a four qualities, then Masha Allah, you have one of our horrorland on Earth.

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You have, you know, you've got the best choice. But what if you if you can find the four qualities, you know, three qualities? Well, he only found three. Okay, well, as long as the religious commitment, this woman is religious, she prays she she's wearing proper hijab

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she's modest, you know, a Hamdulillah shockula and two other qualities. This is great, Mashallah. Because it's very hard to find MySite because you yourself, you're not Mister Right. You know, we will share it. I mean, how important is the physical attraction because, you know, it's okay looking for the dean. You know, maybe you find a very religious Warren, but

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If you can't if you're not physically attracted to each other, if you're not physically attracted to towards each other, call it off.

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Even if the other party is attracted to you, but you're not attracted to her or if the woman is not attracted to the man just turned the proposal down in a nice way, of course, you know, do not agree, do not accept this proposal do not go forward for it. Because we have a Hadith also, which is an incident happened with the companion by the name and movie Robin Sharma. May Allah be pleased with him when he proposed to a woman and he got engaged. So the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, Have you seen her? In the past? They say this woman is good, okay? I'm Marian Hearn, Is it nice to know, although Eli, ha, you got to see her you got to look at her, for in the hara, and you Donna, by

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Nicole Ma, this is more likely to make things better between you, irrespective of maintaining the marriage life afterwards. This is not like you know, a temporary relationship. This is the person whom you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Even on bed, when you flip over, you see her face and she sees your face. If you're not attracted, if you're not physically attracted to that person, if you don't think that she is beautiful to you. And if you don't think that this guy doesn't look smart, is not really satisfying you then don't accept that deal. I mean, sure, you said that, you know, you should look, of course, the potential, you know, partner. What, how much should

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you see, you know, when you're when you're going to meet them? You know, what, what exactly should? Well there is a prophetic guidance in this respect, when the Prophet sallallahu Sallam says if any of you happen to be interested in marrying a woman, a particular woman, then if he can see what will make him convinced of marrying her, let him do so. What does it mean? Because some people went really extreme and

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totally on the opposite direction of the meaning of the Hadith, when they think that spy in to see the sister taken a shower,

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in the privacy of her room. Now this is not permissible, is not permissible. What is permissible is to see, look, he shot. You know, when you see the face of a person near doesn't tell whether this person is like a man doesn't then this person is handsome or not. Yeah, in a case of a woman. Oh, she's pretty. How did you know that? She's pretty.

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She has a beautiful face. Yeah. So the face the hands tell the complexion? Tell the beauty, the natural beauty. You know, sometimes they put so much makeup.

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You can't you know, maybe some some women, maybe they were in a club. And, you know, this is what we're talking about. In an official meeting to propose.

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You know, I want to marry your daughter for innocence, but your daughter is wearing a face veil. So it's my life on a visit to see her face without seeing her face. The first day No, you cannot see her before marrying her or before making the act. You better take off. You know, surprise, surprise, you know, what about the her the sooner the sooner is to see the face of the woman in the hand of the woman. You know, when it comes to the hair, mashallah you have a mother, you have a sister who can visit with the lady, I'm talking here about, I know there are some opinions here and there will say that you can see the hair, you can see the neck, you can see the shin and all of that, but the

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correct view is see what may be seen.

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Like if a woman is prayed, yeah. If if a woman is dressed up fully, you can tell whether she is kind of heavy,

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obese, or slim, tall or short. Looking at the face will give you the first impression about the beauty. You want to invest emphasis investigate further.

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With regards to the hair is curly hair, is it long hair, short hair, whatever. Then your mother, your sister, your house, your friend's wife, anyone any lady can do that you can even ask. But I wouldn't advise a sister to take off her hijab, because this is opinion of the vast majority of the scholars in this respect. So on one hand, seeing the person whom you're planning to spend the rest of your life with is really important. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam advised so he advised his own companions

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and sometimes whenever you're afraid that you will hurt the feeling of that person or her family, because you say, Well, I'm interested in marrying your daughter, can I meet with her? Can I see her? Then when you see her, you know, you feel like oh, your turn off. I don't think I'm interested. So if you're afraid that may affect the relationship between you and those people, so you don't have actually to take this step before see and her even without her knowledge, without her knowledge, and if somebody can give you a photo without the makeup, okay? You're so right. We have to be very honest, when it comes to exchanging photos.

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Because the person is not going to share bed with a woman while she's made wearing makeup. And she's not going to share a bed with a guy who's bald, why he's wearing a wig. You have to be real, you have to be yourself and honesty is very crucial in the suspect of humbleness. So when the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, a woman may be married for the following four qualities, basically it means the four qualities or something to be considered in seeking a wife. If you happen to find a wife who is beautiful, and she belongs to a novel family from Porsche for instance, and Masha Allah she's as wealthy as Hadiya Radi Allahu anha she's young never been married before as well. And she's

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attractive and Masha Allah, she has memorized the Quran or have the Quran fine, immediately is just on the point of lineage. I think this is a very important one as well. Yes. Especially in terms of the the immediate family. You know, how, you know, we were speaking last episode about the, you know, the qualities a man or sorry, a woman should look for.

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But I think when you look at the family, you can see the mother, you can see the sisters, you've if you see they're good with Islam, or they're not praying, you kind of get a good judge of who the woman is going to be like to be a consider. Yeah, of course. Like, you know, you're interested in marrying a God, then you figure that all her sisters were divorced.

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And another one on the verge of getting divorced, why? Everybody says it's because of the interference of the mother. She wants to run the show. So what makes you think that you'd be any better?

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If she's going to do the same with you, then you're better off from the beginning, you know, because it's a very serious decision. You know, you're not going to cut her off from her family. You're not going to take her to another continent and say, Do not talk to your family.

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We're just gonna take a short break. So make sure you stay with us. We'll be right back after the break. Salam Alaikum.

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Salaam Alaikum salaam Welcome back to the fic of love. And we're here joined in the by the pool with Dr. Muhammad Salah. So I can share for our local Salam rahmatullah wa barakato. Welcome back. Yeah. handler in this episode, we've been speaking about what men should be looking for, you know, in a woman, and you mentioned the Hadith about the four qualities, you know, for reasons if you like a man should be, you know, looking what they should be looking for really. But shake I actually came across a hadith where the prophets are some, he said not to marry for, you know, for the, for the looks of a woman for their beauty, not to my for their wealth, etc. How do you,

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you know, navigate, I guess I'm aware of what you're referring to. And this is authentic. But again, it's broadly misunderstood. And that's why many youth especially the seekers of knowledge, the thing that the prophets Allah said and said, do not marry a beautiful woman. Do not look for each woman. No, it doesn't say that. He said, Let as I was when you said earlier Hosni Hannah, which means do not simply marry women, only because your beautiful near only because of the look, and this garden does have the qualities like you know that she belongs to a terrible family. She's beautiful, but she doesn't pray. She is pretty, but she doesn't wear hijab meanwhile, so people who aim at the

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beauty and the disregard anything else, you said the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, it may ruin them, which means

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let me ask you this. What happens if I put

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I happen to look for a beauty queen and he finally found her, then God forbid she had she had to undergo an operation and she will lose some of her beauty. Okay, how would you feel about it? Is he going to be loyal to her and say Alhamdulillah cada Allahu Masha Fogg, and, you know, keep up with her, or his dream has evaporated, and now he has to look for somebody else. Most likely that will happen. Why? Because his main focus, he married his good only because she's attracted, because people say Lucky you, you're married to beauty queen. No. And you're walking around with a woman who everybody is looking at because she is not dressed properly. So that will definitely ruin your

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relationship. It doesn't say, if you found a woman whom you're looking for to marry, that beautiful, no, do not marry her. Of course, this is totally the opposite of what the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, in the Hadith, under Elijah, in a Hara and Jordana Bay, nakoma. Look for her. That is indeed more likely to make things better between you from the beginning. If you feel attracted, then proceed on with the proposal. Likewise, he said, and do not marry women simply for the wealth, why?

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It may turn them after you get married, you find that she's very arrogant. She's treating you like a slave. And I'm actually handling a case right now where the person was poor, doesn't have any means. So the family of the girl, they gave him a flat, the take care of his bills and everything. Now with his job, he cannot with his income, he cannot keep up with the demands of the wife. So she's treated him like a servant. And if she ever gets mad at him, she kicks him out. This is my house to get out. So he's out. And, you know, when people talk about reconciliation, he says, but if I go back, I will go back as a servant again, share, you know, so if it is only worth but it doesn't mean that if the

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woman that you are about to marry, happy to be rich, or inherited a lot of money or she belongs to a rich family, it doesn't mean to forget about her not to marry her. Wait a minute, Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam got married to Felicia or the Allahu Allah. And she was the wealthiest woman in Makkah. And all the youth were dying to marry her. But she kept turning down all the proposals. Well, when it came to Muhammad, she liked him. And she managed to deliver the message to him so that he would marry her Salalah is the lesson so she was way richer. You know, the Prophet SAW, Selim was enrich, but she was rich. And they got married. And he were the happiest couple ever. And he never

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took another wife, so long as he was married to Khadija, or the Allahu Anhu. We're talking about so many years that they they stayed together. So what are some of the other ways and means of choosing the right wife? You know, what, what should we be looking for in a wife?

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No doubt that. As we mentioned, once, you know, when you marry, you're not only marrying the individual, you're merging two families together. So inquiring about the parents inquiring about the siblings, and inquiring about the family is really important. There is a difference between the family lineage and the reality that those people, they respect that ELO's those people honor. Other people do not look down on them. So all of that is very important to find out beforehand. And when we're when we're actually discussing with the family, you know, what should we what should one conceal and what should one tell about themself, you know, what are the limits regarding this?

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That's an important question.

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Honesty requires the person to share with the other party or the person who's proposing to that certain things and certain things should not be discussed. For instance, the physical health, if somebody is having

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a congenital heart disease, he should say, somebody is having some sort of Section Disability should say that, you know, whether a man or a woman there are there is one sister, for instance, who called once and she said that she cannot tolerate this intimacy. She thinks it is disgusting. She cannot share big husband as far as having sexual relations. She says he is super nice, but I never thought of this process. The man

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and wants to satisfy his physical desire his physical needs. And this is perfectly legitimate.

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She cannot tolerate that she thinks this is sick, and this is disgusting. So if you know from the beginning, you might end to that, why the person is married, and he wants to have kids. And also he wants to satisfy their sexual needs on a regular basis. A man who's having, you know, sexual problems that cannot,

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that with which he cannot function as the husband, it should be very honest from the beginning. Because if he's not, he's going through in the future of this woman,

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shake whatever other people, you know, some people maybe they're not been practicing Islam all their life, maybe they had a Jelenia. You know, people may have previously even been involved in Zina. Yeah. You know, who had never been married before? Should do they have to actually mention this to the propose spouse? It depends. If the person was involved in whatever activities, including illicit relationship before in the past, then they have repented. repented sincerely, not just yesterday. And now because he wants to marry this guy says, you know, either have to talk about it because I met Alba, or because this person proposed to her. And this is like, you know, the best catch? So she

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says, Alhamdulillah Amitabha. No more? No, no, no, right on the spot. Yeah. Somebody was naive. She was strict. And she got involved in an illicit relationship. she regretted, she's been crying, she repented. And she sincerely turned to allow sincere repentance, then somebody proposed to her, she shouldn't share that with him. Why? Because this is past. And she had repented. What Toba to Tegile Buma Cobla. Also, among the things, which if you ever share with the spouse, they can never forget about it. And they will keep thinking about it. And for any reason, if there is a difference of opinion of there is a lot of fight, they may surface this issue, and they may bring it up, or even

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cast the blame on you and say, Yeah, you're doing so because you're an adulterous, or because you used to that. So it will be a terrible experience. And that's why if the person have repented, this is best repented sincerely, not just verbally, this is best, among the things which should be shared,

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before the marriage is concluded, and even before the engagement,

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diseases of contagious nature,

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whether sexually transmitted diseases,

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you know, in case that somebody was married previously, and he picked up one of those diseases, which you know, for certain that, you know, if you were to have a sexual relation to another person, it will be transmitted to them, that should be discussed. Fair enough. And then the other party should decide whether they go for it or not. Diseases, which may affect functioning

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as a family father, as a person with a woman who removed her uterus, so she will not be able to conceive or have children.

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That should be mentioned, because one of the main reasons why people get married and still have an offspring. So when he finds out, oops, yeah, and she's beautiful, and everything, she is the kindest person on earth, but unfortunately, she cannot bear children. And this is for certain, we know, when we can adopt a child. Well, I'm not talking about that I'm talking about it is the right of the other party to know the nature of your sickness, you know, and whether you will be able to function or not, you know, also, you know, some some women, they don't want kids, they might be able to bear children, but they just don't want children. Should this of course, should this be discussed before

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pre Marriage Course, you know, unlike Why is when a man says, you know, I want to marry but I don't have any children. Why not? I want to have children, you know, smile, like why do you probably deprive me, you should be honest, you know, from the beginning, you have to make mention of that. So, everything will be clear. You know?

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It's good. So check just before we finish as well. You know, sometimes you may be questioned or someone may be questioned about a particular individual, maybe the Guardian, you know, he's interested in and someone so he asked you for a character reference. And you know, that there's some issues with this particular individual. would, you know, if you reveal some of these things is

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This clusters backbiting

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the idea of the Quran says, Yeah, you Alladhina amanu Oh, you will believe kumoko Amina Elahi shahada Bill cast. So you gotta give the right testimony and do not expand. Perhaps you have some differences between you and that person. Perhaps you like him for whatever reason, but somebody have asked you about this person because he's proposing to your daughter, I will tell my daughter that what do you know about him that can affect the relationship? Well, this guy is a thief, you say that. He is known to be thief. And he is known to hell outside marriage relationship is known to be alcoholic and do not exceed the limits just given a testimony, or the shahada, honestly, which will

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benefit the other party to make the decision? Just a halacha chef. Unfortunately, that's all we have time for, for this particular episode. So thanks for coming share. You're most welcome.

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And for those of you at home make sure you tune in next time for another episode of the fit of love as Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh