Fiqh Of Love Episode #9 Stipulating Conditions In Marriage
Channel: Muhammad Salah
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Salam Alaikum to Allah Welcome to another episode of The Feck of love. My name is John Fontaine and I'm joined today with Dr. Mohamed Salah Salaam Alaikum. Sherif welcome salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakato How you doing share the great Alhamdulillah couldn't be better hamdulillah Masha Allah Sheikh, in the last couple of episodes, we've been discussing how men and women should actually look for the perfect spouse, you know, and how the, the Guardian, the Wali can actually be a part of actually doing the investigation.
So once this is, you know, you found somebody who you think could be a potential husband or wife. And,
you know, you're thinking of doing the marriage contract, but sometimes people want to stipulate certain conditions before marriage. Is this permissible? Well, it depends what kind of conditions First of all, when when it comes to conditions, particularly at the time of the contract before we find the Almighty Allah says in surah medida Yeah, you and Adina Emmanuelle for below code. And that is the first idea in the chapter chapter number five, who you will believe you must fulfill your contracts and the covenants that you have taken upon yourselves, that can be a writing can be verbally by any means. And the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam specifies a particular covenant or a
condition which should be fulfilled most.
So in the sound Hadith, he says Peace Be Upon Him in a Hakusho table warfare, sharpen is the halal Don't be here for older NYSAC.
Indeed, he says Peace be upon him. Indeed, the most worthy condition to be fulfilled is a condition through which intimacy have been made lawful.
In other words,
only because of this condition that you agreed to, or you stipulated on yourself, or you promised to fulfill,
this woman agreed to marry you, and you process the marriage contract, and you got married. And this marriage contract made it permissible for you to have an intimate relationship with her.
Without this marriage contract, you couldn't even touch her and without stipulating or agree into the stipulated condition. There wouldn't be there will not be any marriage contract because that was her condition. So you agreed to it, you accepted it, and the marriage contract was processed, and now you're married to her and you shared a bit. So, remember,
the condition that you agreed to must be fulfilled and that is the meaning of the most worthy condition to be fulfilled a condition which was stipulated in order to make intimacy permissible. So you mentioned that it depends which type of you know, stipulation has been put in so what yeah, whatever I said is generally speaking, yes, owning the conditions of the permissive or during the marriage contract. So type of conditions are you aware of I mean, what would you come across before? Well, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam also explained that El musli Munna and shadow to him, that's a sound, Hadith, highly sound Hadith, the Muslims are bound to their conditions, except a condition
which makes a lawful lawful,
or makes a lawful.
So if illegal in for instance, say, if you eat pork, I'll get married to you, for instance, because
yeah, well, it's not that extreme, because obviously, if this is the case, then we're not talking about a practicing Muslim. We're not talking about a Muslim to begin with. But there are things which are coming. Like
she agrees to marry that person provided he would sever the relationship with his family. He has nothing to do with his parents. He would not visit them, nor would he lead them visit him or a man who was married previously, and he have kids. So he's proposing to a woman. He loves him so much, and she says, Yeah, but you have kids.
You have kids.
So it says, Forget about them, they will live with their mom. She says, Okay, I would marry you on one condition, your kids are not allowed to come in our life whatsoever. And you're not going to spend any money on them. They are hers, we have nothing to do with them your own mind to say I agree, but just marry me. That's a haram condition isn't, it's not effective. Even if you have made so many, the prophets, Allah Salam said, even if it is 1000 condition, it should be fulfilled, it shouldn't be fulfilled. And it's an effective and all the consequences of such condition will be nullified and invalid have no effect whatsoever. So the condition of the condition is that it has to
be permissible, generally excellent, permissible, at least Yeah. But if it is haram, then it is in vain. And effective,
if it is to do something, which is why it's already confirmed, and what is mandatory. Another example to make an a condition, which is haram
is to make a condition he's already married, and he's proposing to another woman. So she says, On one condition, you gotta let your wife know that you're marrying me. Not so good condition. That's a perfect condition. As a matter of fact, I normally advise if a woman is going to be a second or whatever, she should make certain that our husband has informed.
Is his wife, his wife, not because it is required for the validity of the marriage? No, but it is required for the contiguity and the sustainability of this marriage. Okay, so that's, in a lot of these cases, you know, where, if the wife does find out later, it causes a lot of problems, eventually find out, but it's not an actual condition of the sorry, is not an actual condition. You know, that you don't have to know it's not a requirement for the lady to have the marriage contract. Yeah, it is not a requirement. But for the welfare and the well being of this woman. She must make certain that everything is transparent. Everything is clear. He's not hiding anything. He's not
afraid of anything shape. What are some other examples what you've actually come across?
Because I've never heard of some of these conditions you mentioned and SubhanAllah. I can't imagine someone would. Yeah, there is it happens a lot. That when somebody when a couple are in love and innocence, he loves his coworker, his colleague, his neighbor, and, or his cousin. And then she's willing to marry him. He's already married. She says On one condition. you divorce your wife as a Houston new that's a big, big, big sell.
The tax Matthews of Hattie so I thought you had the prophets of salaam warned, again is that as a big, big sale, so you already know that he's married and you're absolutely free to say no, but to ask him to divorce his wife so that you can marry him or marry him on a condition that a month or two later he will divorce his wife. This condition is definitely invalid. So you find the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam is keeping balance between the importance of the fulfilment of the Vows, the covenants and the conditions, especially the conditions which were stipulated at the time of the marriage contract. So to which she agreed to marry you. And meanwhile, that you do not step beyond
your boundaries. You do not intervene with Allah's business, whatever Allah has made.
Halal, we cannot separate the condition to make it haram. And whatever Allah made haram unlawfully cannot simply take condition to make it lawful, like you know, you're going to marry me. Look, I'm an outgoing person. I don't wear hijab. I'm not willing to wear hijab, I know you're a nice gun, but I know you're jealous. So if you if it is okay with you, I will never wear hijab, I go out, I hang out with boys. If that is okay with you guess what? Some people will say yes. hoping that that will change. Eventually, he will change for her. Can you give us some examples of good conditions which which you would, you know, you've come across which you think yeah, that's, that's actually perhaps
you mean examples of legal or lawful conditions? Because you were helpful as well. Yes. Because the good conditions I mentioned earlier, if if somebody is proposing to assist them, and he's already married, that's a good condition to ask him on what condition you gotta let your wife know. Even though it is not required. Yeah.
but lawful conditions which must be fulfilled, as Allah subhanaw taala said also in Surah Surah chapter number 17. Well for Billa hottie in Allah, that can ama schooler, if you've ever taken a covenant Minh yourself, then you should fulfill it, you should fulfill the covenant that is stipulated on yourself, because indeed the covenant you will be questioned about SubhanAllah. And among the qualities of the believers well more foreigner, br him either I had and those who fulfill their covenants whenever they make one, they fulfill their Anana they fulfill their oath before we discuss,
you know, some legal or lawful conditions to be stipulated, I would like to bring to your attention, the fact that if the condition has been stipulated to make a lawful, lawful or the opposite, it should be neglected. Even if the person made a vow, the Prophet sallallahu sallam said in the Hadith manera Anupriya Allah Hatha Yoga
when another anyhow so yeah, who fell I asked if somebody made a vow, and the vow is some sort of obedience to Allah, or to do something legal or lawful. And if somebody made a vow, I will never smoke after today. Alhamdulillah that's an eagle covenant, a promise and a vow, you should fulfill it. But somebody said, we'll never talk to you afterward, I'm boycotting you. i It's haram for me to speak to my sister, I will never sit in your house. This vow is haram and it is to disobey the Almighty Allah. So the Prophet Salah Salem is the one who's ordering you to break that vow and to violate the condition. In the case of the vow or the oath, there is a Farah ransom, which is similar
to the concept of of taking an oath. And similarly that is the case with a condition if you say to Allah, I will never do this. And you did it because you knew that if you fulfill it, this was haram. Then you just give the cat Farah or the ransom for the oath and you move on with your life in sha Allah will be happy to mention a few examples of the legal covenants and how important it is to honor those conditions. We will come back to that after the break. And we'll speak about some of them examples. For those of you at home make sure you stay tuned. Join us in a few minutes. Allah here
Salaam Alaikum salaam Welcome back to the thick of love. Salam Alaikum share when it comes Salam wa rahmatullah wa Ketu we'll come back here, which is a halacha Subhan Allah, we were just discussing, you know, some of the stipulations or conditions that people might put into before marriage Subhan Allah, I'm actually shocked Subhanallah here is some of the experiences that you've had that people may actually I guess you have to join me sometime in marriage counseling to find out that this is normal. Yeah, when you saying that they would, you know, that people would actually agree in order to not visiting our parents or children. You know, why Subhan Allah, a few episodes back according
to Hadith in which the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him said Al hobo, you or me, we will soon, which means love makes a person lion and death. So there are a lot of people because of fall in love with somebody that are willing to do anything. To the extent that she says, I will marry you, but you know, you're married. Oh, it's over. I will divorce her is a bunch of kids that just agreed and his wife is very pious, she's very loyal, and she's beautiful. But he's dying to marry this person. He's out of his mind. That is a minimum of the Hadith. You are me blinds where you will swim. It makes a person deaf. He is not listening to any advice to salute it. He's deluded. SubhanAllah. So,
as we mentioned, just before the break, the consequences of breaking, you know, these these, these types of conditions, the ones which are haram, there's there's no consequence, but you should actually break them down your foot SallAllahu sallam said, if you made a vow and the vow is to do something haram, or to start to stop doing something that you're commanded to do, you should break immediately. But on the other hand, no legal conditions may be stipulated before innocence.
A girl who loves her family so much. And they have very strong ties. So she knows that her husband keeps jumping from one place to another. She says I would marry you on one condition, not to leave my home country. So I would have an access to chick when my mom, she's all I would have access to see, my dad has a beautiful condition. Is it legal, it's legal. So if she says, I accept to marry you, or the father says, Son, I'm giving you even a free housing, provided, my daughter does not travel out of the country. I want my kids to be brought up and their kids will be brought up and raised in Muslim country. He says, okay, somebody is coming from the States. He accepted Islam like
yourself, Mashallah. And he liked the Muslim girl, and he wants to live in a Muslim country. So your future in law wants to make certain that you're not just checking it out? Or giving it a try? Say, I will give you my daughter in marriage on one condition. I know you're new Muslim. You're from the UK, by all my daughter to travel to the UK. I want her to live with us in a Muslim country. Yeah. Is this a valid condition? 100% valid condition, shake, you know, sometimes conditions and not like formal conditions, you know, they're not written down or necessarily
a part of the actual contracts if you like, you know, it may be just something you've discussed, you know, where you've said, like, well, you know, maybe somebody chooses to want to live abroad or living in a Muslim country. And they kind of accept that in the beginning. You know, like, yeah, that, you know, we'd be happy to live wherever you you want to live, and then they get married, and then they won't leave,
leave their home, or they won't leave leave their country. Yeah, what would happen in this case, in the case of I find it eminent to bring that condition.
And my wife is okay with it, then cool. That's a win win situation, everybody's happy. But in case if I break that condition, and I do not fulfill the covenant I've taken upon myself, whether it is verbal, it doesn't have to be written with witnesses, I just gave you my word. Yeah. So that's a condition it was in the
conditions. And he said, because of the condition the contracts happened because of the contract. Exactly. So in this case, if I still break the covenant, and neglect the condition, then the wife has the right to unknown, that marriage, without even the consent of her husband, the husband has a right to give divorce anytime, correct. Now she has the right to do the first and a newly marriage without even getting his consent, because he did not fulfill the covenant as if it was the other way around, where the wife wasn't following the husband to the other country or something like that.
I mean, the wife, the wife should travel with the husband, and that he made a condition that she should travel with me, normally people do not, because this is the norms, the norms, that the wife would go with the husband or wherever they go. But there are some exceptions. As I mentioned earlier, the father said, John, I will give you my daughter, but you do not take her near you. Okay. Is this a valid condition? It's a valid condition. And I've seen cases like that. So in this case, you must take to that, Shawn. Okay.
No, no, it's good for people to know, because, you know, we laugh about it, but Subhanallah you know, so many people, they, they have a plan for their life. You know, some people want to live in a Muslim country, some people, they want to live in the West, specifically because their family or in the West, etc. And sometimes this can be really problematic. I know many cases, you know, families where, you know, the wife has not followed the husband or the husband is not, you know, stuck to hit this condition, etc. And it causes problems further down the road. You know, why this episode and this matter? The subject that we're discussing is really important. Because at the time of marriage,
especially if there is some sort of chemistry attraction, you're attracted to the woman and so on, you're willing to say yes, yes, yes. Okay. You're even shown interest in law in learning their mother tongue language.
You know, for the time being, obviously, then after the marriage, you forget about everything. This what happens normally? No, I'm confirming, and I'm sharing with you what the Prophet sallallahu wasallam says in this regard, if you are planning to break that covenant, do not say forward, do not agree to and do not actually marry this garden. If that is her only condition or more than one condition, and you know, they're not feasible to be fulfilled, then don't agree to them. One of the very, very
You know, I would say controversial conditions that nowadays all the sisters want to stipulate at the time of marriage that I would marry on one condition you do not take a second wife. Is this a valid condition? And what will be the consequences of not fulfilling that condition? M Nakajima and the C may Allah have mercy on him. Um, he said in the light of the previous a hadith and ayat alpha will report
the beginning of surah. And my Ada, then I have a little table we're short on is the halal to be frozen is the Hadith which we refer to earlier, the sound Hadith.
He said that if a woman or her father, her family stipulated that condition at the time of marriage, then he said, I agree, I will not marry another woman, as long as you're my wife, I will not take you out of town, I will not move you to another country or another town. And then he decided to do otherwise, then the woman has the right to know the marriage. What if she says, based on the benefit risk a shoe? Well, my parents are already dead. I don't have anyone in town anymore. So why not just move with my husband? This is what we call a win win situation. Okay, there is a mutual understanding. And based on the updates. So the condition, she decided to drop it, or he broke the
condition without her consent. And then she found herself in a situation where she has to annul the marriage, or to continue because she thinks it's better for her to continue. There is her decision. Okay, that his decision, so it doesn't stop. So for instance, if the man did break that condition, it doesn't mean that his second marriage is void or Not. Not? No, it doesn't mean it's void. But he has not fulfilled the condition yet. So now she has, yes, though, by itself, the person should stick to his words. Yeah. But as I said, there are updates that are things which may happen. As a result, the person finds himself in a situation where he needs to marry. And she finds herself well, I think
it's his light. And if I stop him, I'm going to lose him. I have the right to annul the marriage. So we're talking here from Fettke technical point of view, you stick to your work, you stick to why you say that is me. So that's an important point. So it's not automatic that that that their marriage will be,
you know, ended. She has the choice now to make that decision. She has it. You know, it's,
you know, she has that decision to make basically correct. And there is a big difference between stipulate in this condition, and something called the conventional
divorce. Like if the person says, If I ever, ever take another wife, then you're divorced. Is this permissible? Well, this is somebody who's rushing, who's Hasting. He just wants to marry her. So he's saying whatever. Okay, well, if he does, that's called Thala Comala. So it becomes effective. And she's divorced. Oh, is this? Yes, of course. Okay, because he thought the divorce contingent on a condition now if it is fulfilled, if it happens, then she's automatically divorced. She doesn't have to pursue a court or whatever. Can he cancel that before? He does? know that's another issue with regards to I've never heard this before. Subhan Allah, that Allah things in marriage and
divorce that you don't know about?
hamdulillah No, I'm sure we could go on for many, many other
episodes of divorce, which, eventually we'll have to discuss it will you discuss in Hola, divorce, first, and separation, and all the accounting for divorce before the consummation of the marriage after the consummation of the marriage with regards to the dowry, the et cetera. Also, we'll get to speak about one category of divorce which is called a follow up on Marla, back, somebody says to his wife that if you ever leave home, then your divorce, what happens and can he revoke it all of that will be discussed in sha Allah, and I you know, this is Feck to learn in it by I hope and I pray that we don't have too shy to go through Inshallah, but you know, sometimes, you know, people if
they're well versed and knowledgeable in this subject, Inshallah, this will help them avoid divorce, you know, in the future. You know, absolutely, if they pick the right spouse in the beginning and you know, they they learn from all these examples, one of the most important factors of the sustainability and the continuation of the marriage is to learn the outcome of marriage in Islam, beginning from as we said, Love and to help
go about it. Then the proposal then the engagement, making the decision and resolving marital issues and all of that from the Quran, I can assure you that will secure you not just maintaining the marriage law but also a happy married life Subhan Allah, Allah herscherik is the size of thank you again for your time Pamela we learn in a lot more. I'm getting very excited now we get into the thick of it now. Very excited, not to marry no to learn Yeah.
And, you know, just benefiting from this and hopefully this will help not just me but all the viewers at home, you know, with our families, etc.
So that's all we have time for today. Please join us next time for another episode of the fake of love as Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh