Fiqh Of Love Episode #7 Qualifications Of The Spouse

Muhammad Salah

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Channel: Muhammad Salah

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AsSalamu Alaikum salam My name is John Fontaine and welcome back to another episode of The fic of love. Today we're joined why joined today with Sheikh Dr. Muhammad sallahu Wa alaykum wa salam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh Thank you, John. How's it going? Wonderful. hamdullah Shala How do you find the series so far? May Allah subhanaw taala accept from? I mean, I hope it will be beneficial for the viewers in Charlotte. I mean, we've been covering a lot of ground truth. And today I wanted to ask you

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about,

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you know, what should one look for in a spouse? You know, what, what, what should we look for when we're when we're actually searching to get married? What type of qualities should one look for? Well, Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim, Al hamdu lillah wa salatu, salam, ala Nabi almost have it all about

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the Prophet sallallahu wasallam addressed both the man who's looking forward to get married, what kind of qualifications he should look for,

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in a woman that he is interested in marrying, and as well as the commendation for the girl and the Guardian, to look for certain qualities, and the man who's other proposing, or

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even sometimes, if you see somebody who's really good, and maybe he doesn't know that you have a daughter, or he doesn't know that you have a sister who

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marriageable age, so he doesn't come forward. Or perhaps he thinks because you guys are too rich for him, he's hesitant to even think about it. So you as a father, you as a guardian

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may take the initiative. And that is perfectly fine in Islam, to actually propose to a man walk through the Guardian,

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not by yourself. And there is a wisdom behind that. So in the Sierra, we have some incidents, such as in the first generation, when Hafsa or the Allahu anha was single, after losing her husband and aluminum hottub went to Abu Bakr Sadiq and he proposed to him he said, Would you marry my daughter? I mean, nowadays will be like a big shame. But that is perfectly okay. Why because look, who's the guru?

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You know.

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And he even proposed to us man, if not fat, because of man in our fan had just lost his his wife. But he said, He's not interested. And the Prophet sallallahu sallam was the one who proposed to Hafsa and he married her. So we also spoke about Sade in the mosaic proposing his daughter to one of his students. Now, because she is like, you know, she passed the measurable age or because no one is proposing to her. No, she actually received wonderful proposals by the means of the dunya. But he was not interested. He was looking for a particular person. So who is this particular person whom you would not hesitate with him twice, to approach with her directly or indirectly? Again, for a

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girl? I never advise that you say or you tell a man that I'm interested in marrying you. We're not indigenisation of the companions of the Prophet sallallahu Salah nowadays, many people may take advantage of that. So in the future, if they differ, they say, you know, I was never looking forward to marry you. It was you You begged me to marry. There comes the role of the guardian. The Wali, as you know, in the Hadith, the Prophet sallallahu Allah cinema said lanica Ellerbee Well, Ian will share who they are. There is no valid marriage. without the consent of the guardian. He's the one who's supposed to give his daughter or his sister or whomever among the girls under his guardianship

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in marriage. She cannot just marry herself off. She needs a guardian. Why? Because he's gonna play that role in addition to the witnesses according to the Hadith, so the Messenger of Allah is be upon him, considered a marriage which is processed or conducted without the knowledge and the consent of the

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Guardian as nullified as it did not happen lanica

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and by the way, this is the opinion of the vast majority of the Muslim scholars, Imam Ahmed Imam Malik Imam Shafi while in Abu Hanifa, may Allah have mercy on him said, a grown up woman can give herself and marry without the consent of her guardian because she's wise enough. This is a logical reference, okay? But meanwhile, on the other hand, he is very strict with regards to something called ICA, or the qualifications which you are asking about in this episode, what is our Kefa who is fit to marry this girl who's qualified this is something different than chemistry. Because you know, you may have chemistry with somebody, but unfortunately this person or this woman is, is

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married, so the door is closed.

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Or with a person who's not Muslim, then the door is closed. You don't talk about chemistry, we're talking about Alka, the qualifications. So Imam, Abu Hanifa, may Allah have mercy on him is very strict when it comes to the Kapha and the qualifications. So if he says for innocence, the financial

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qualifications require there's one, he says, if, if somebody is interested in marrying a doctor, she is a doctor, and he's a janitor. He is not to marry her, according to the Hanafi mother. So if she did marry herself off without the consent of for God, and the Guardian has the right to nullify this marriage. So it is best to stick to the opinion of the vast majority of the scholars. The Guardians consent is not just because he is the man and he's like a dictator He dictates to his girl what to do and whom to marry. But no one supposedly cares more about the girl, then her guardian. In the case of the daughter, the father, the father is the guardian. No one likes anyone to be better than

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himself other than the parents, they love their children to be much better than themselves to have better spouses, better kids better job their lifestyle. In most cases, of course, there is a norms.

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So if the man is receiving several proposals

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Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam assayed in the Hadith which is collected by men family, it has a command tell Donna Deena who Amanda who first.

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So the the two qualifications like big umbrella and beneath them there are many other factors, the dean and the Amana, the Dean the religious commitment, and how do you know that this person is a religiously committed? Masha Allah, you see him praying in the masjid attending the GEMA

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he's not wearing gold. He's not wearing a necklace. He's not making a hairstyle like those singers. He is not missing around. In Ramadan. You see him always in the masjid for the Federal prayer for the tarawih even though it is nephila. Okay, he comes early to attend the Juma in the neighborhood. People can tell this guy is Mata Dion moto de and Yanni religiously committed board day in that he loves the dean, the Azure command carbonetti And who and whom the Prophet SAW Selim is addressing, he's addressing those who are already religiously committed a family of The Girl Who Loves the deen, who practice it in. But those before you ask and he said, but some people don't care about it. Of

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course, because the the vast majority of people are not religious, but the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him is edition edition, those who are religiously committed, do not settle for anyone, a person who is religiously committed and

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with good manners. Somebody says, who may say, what a person who is religiously committed is supposed to have good manners. Yes, supposedly. What? Nah, not necessarily all the time. Every person who is praying is is religious, and well mannered. There are a lot of people who are even very extreme in religion, but their relations with their parents are terrible with their siblings, they don't talk to them. They're very tough. I wouldn't advise you to marry such person or to give your daughter in marriage to that person. So a combination of how does he deal with Allah and His

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fulfilling the obligations that Allah ordained upon him and how he deals? How does he deal with people? The Amana is honest, is sauce worthy, he is truthful, he is quiet, he is not abusive.

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Here, we have to consult the community ask about him speak to his friends, his family, why do you think the consent of the Guardian is required? It's it's a must for the validity of the marriage contract? Why in this day and age, I know you said that, you know, it's like, you wouldn't recommend the sisters to approach a man, of course, by literally basically to initiate direct. Yeah. But, you know, in this day and age, some of the Guardians, they're not very proactive in getting their daughters married, and sometimes the daughters, maybe they're reaching 3040 years old, and they're unmarried. And sometimes for some reason, the parents just want to keep them at home. You know,

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they're not really helping them get married. It's very unfortunate. Yeah, there are a few cases like that. But you know, here is the importance and the significance of being in a Muslim community, going to the national to the Islamic center, knowing a lot of people so that they will introduce you to others, you don't have to do it yourself. Never do directly. But if you have a sister who's already married, you talk to her. And you know, I've seen this guy, and I like him and so on, she may talk to her husband to approach him. I've known a family, the girl, like somebody who is a staff someone at work, and she liked him so much, and she kept an eye on him. So she went to her brother,

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and she shared with him that how much he liked the person. So the brother applied for a job in the same place under that person in order to be friends with him. Then he invited him home and he introduced them to the family. And then when he met with the sister, he liked her. So that is fantastic. Wayne, but for a girl to approach the guy directly. I wouldn't really recommend that to sokola herscherik So we just say the opportunity just to have a short break. Sure. So for those at home, make sure you stay with us. We'll be back in a few minutes, which is awful affair Santa Monica.

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Salam Alaikum salam Welcome back to the thick of love. My name is John Fontaine and we're here joined with Dr. Mohamed Salah salami from sheer radicals Salama Otto Lebra katha. Welcome back. Yeah. hamdulillah Sheikh we were just discussing, you know, how was mentioned in how the Guardian should be perhaps proactive, as well as family and friends, you know, help. The unmarried, get married. Subhanallah I have a friend of mine, I recently helped him get married, actually, handler was in Kuwait. And I was in a lesson. And a man was asking, you know, he basically wanted to get his daughter married. So I knew that I have a friend who's also unmarried, around the same age. And

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Hamdulillah I managed to, you know, connect him with with the brother, and hamdulillah they ended up getting married handler. So they've been married for over six months now handler and handler, it's just nice to see, you know, to have that experience of helping someone that is in the Quran. What I want to Allenbury WhatsApp, taqwa, we should cooperate and help one another to achieve what is good and what is righteous in and in the Muslim community, the role of the Imam isn't just to lead the prayer and to deliver the speech on Friday and to attend the funeral. That is, you know, these are the basics. But there is a deeper role and very important not any lesser than leading the prayer and

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even the speech, which is to resolve many problems in the community to play the role of the family father in case that their family father is inactive or is not present. So you know that in your class or your wife as an imam knows that this girl mashallah has a very good God, you don't have a boy to marry him off to her. But there is another person in the community or a father who has a good son. So you make the connection, you introduce them to each other? Will you be rewarded for that, of course at Dell, hello, Heidi, cafe. And similarly, if the girl doesn't have a garden, or if the Guardian is as you said, inactive or too shy, then talk to the Imam. The Imam is supposed to be the

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secret keeper of the entire community. So you don't go and confess to the Imam your goals and your errors, but you consult them with you, even personnel matters and

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He's supposed not to reveal any of that to anyone. So he can perhaps in lecture say in one case without pointing fingers, or mentioning names, so the Imam may introduce a girl to somebody who's a good pseudonym.

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When we mentioned previously, John, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi, Salam spoke about the two main qualities like the big umbrella, which is Dean and a man, I need a glove and, and, and the manners,

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aroma, or the Allahu Han

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when somebody was making a recommendation beforehand, and vouching the credibility of one person is really good, this brother is super nice, etc, etc, as many of us do sometimes. So he intervened and he said, How do you know that guy? On your route in his credibility?

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Are you guys neighbors? They said, No. They said, Oh, perhaps you've done business together? He said, Not that either. So did you travel with him for a long journey and go for jihad or travel? You know, because the traveler in the train or a travel on the back of a camera, so you can income somewhere and you stay? There is a nice, plenty of time to get to know the person from so close. It said, No, not that either, is Oh, perhaps you've seen him going back and forth to the machine? He said, Yeah, indeed, I saw him use the machine gun guy is religious is it that is not sufficient support. You know, this part is pertaining to his relationship with Allah, we say repeatedly, it's

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supposed to reflect positively on his dealing with others, with people, generally Muslims or non Muslims, then more specifically, family members, parents, siblings, and then eventually in the future wife and their children. But some people with limited understanding the take the Dean from a very narrow window, it is grown the prayer mark, fasting a lot without realizing the spirit of fasting, many things like that. We don't want this kind of person, what a person who is moderate in his worship, but he is super nice, or at least nice when it comes to the clock. When you ask about a person and his own parents say, when never recommended to marry or Dora that said shutter is closed.

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You know, he is not good to the closest people to him, his parents, then in this case, what do you expect? Shake just on this on this topic? You know, if he if you do know someone

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who is struggling, maybe they have sins that you know about? Maybe they smoke, maybe they're into the wrong kind of things. And you know, that somebody has actually is interested in them for marriage? Yeah. What should you do about that? You know, should you actually mean if you're consulted? Now, if you're not consulted? Yeah.

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Should you speak to them? Or should you just stay out of it? Only if you're consulted? Well, that's a it's a good question. And it's a tough question. It depends on my relationship with those people. Like and it also depends on how severe is involvement of that person, in the sense, like somebody who's alcoholic, but those people do not know. Well, I should come forward. Okay. This person is known to have illicit relations. Okay. His own family doesn't know about you, but everybody else knows. Yeah, so people from outside came and you know, he proposed to them and people don't know anything about him, if you have a chance to warn them, because the Messenger of Allah peace be upon

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him says in the Hadith, Allah you mean what Hadoken had your head belly or he may your hip bull enough, sir. None of you will become a true believer. Not unless non tell he loves for his brother for his sisters, whatever he loves for himself. So would you like yourself to fall in such pit? Would you like your daughter to be given in married to somebody who seems to be a nice but his alcoholic, or his corrupt? Or his drugs? Of course not. And that's why we return back to the same point, which is, what is the role of the guardian in verifying the Amana the ukla? The matters of the person, you know, you know, shake, you know, a few episodes back, we were speaking about

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divorce, you know, the divorce is actually increasing not just amongst Muslims, but

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humans worldwide. And I feel that, especially amongst the Muslim community, a lot of the divorce is down to the Guardian not doing the

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his job properly in the first place, not and also our marriage due to interference, yes, in their marriage life and having that terrible negative influence upon other one of the partners down the road in sha Allah in the episodes of discussing the marriage counseling and solving marital problems that will be discussed in very detail is what I wanted to share with you before we we run out of time. How Al Hasan Basri Al Hasan Basri was the great scholar of Iran.

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Al Hasan Basri, may Allah be pleased with him, was asked somebody say that, mashallah, my daughter is very beautiful and lot of people are proposing to her. So Whom shall I give her to in marriage? When we say so? I don't need any of the audience to assume that the daughter the daughter is sitting home doesn't know anything about it. And he chooses, he says, You marry that person? No, no, no, no, it's never like that. It's not like that. Okay. But

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he's receiving several proposals. So he's filtering them, then he introduces whoever he assumes, he thinks, or he believes after investigation, that this person is a righteous person to his daughter. And her consent, her agreement is a must in the validity of the marriage contract. So now

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I'll have some of the three. May Allah be pleased with him said he should give her a marriage to a man who's God fearing.

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In a harbor Kurama ha.

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We're LM your HIPAA, law Muslim ha. As you know, that love fluctuates, it goes up and down, for whatever reason, for many reasons. So he says he should give her a marriage to somebody who's got fearing. If he loves her, he would obviously honor her, make her life happy, get everything she wants. And in case that for any reason, he stopped loving her anymore. no emotions, no compassion, he they're just married, he's not going to run her. He's not going to oppress her, because he knows his limitations. And he recognizes his duties, like war, in worse case scenario, in case of divorce, he's not gonna give her a hard time. You know, before Islam, people would divorce their wives so

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many times, because there was no limitations for the number of times and every time approaching the idea he will take her back, take her back, take her back for no reason, but to torture her and not to let her marry somebody else. So there are some people like that. Some people, they defer the dowry and they say, you know, I'm broke now, but when sha Allah, when I have money, I will give you now they will have they have money, but they never settle that debt, it's a debt. And then if they divorced the wives, they kick them out. And now they're homeless, and they are even the pride from the dowry. There are thieves. So the quality of Amana is really crucial. And how would you verify

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that neighbors if you are unable to find out from the neighbors make your homework it's a big Amana and Allah will ask you about the fulfilment Subhanallah you know, if you're going to get into business with somebody, you're going to do your homework, you know, you imagine you're going to be up all night for the next week doing your research making sure everything's right before you invest your money. So if you're buying a flat if you're buying a vehicle, you know, you do your homework. He read the feedback. Oh, by the way, talking about the feedback and the social media unfortunately some people when it comes to proposals merge proposal, they just check out the profile of that

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person. Yeah. Cool. His nice Look at his muscles I look at her she's pretty self made profile, exactly the self made for five. It could be like, you know, assisting in making a preliminary idea, but not making the final decision because it is not necessarily a purely accurate idea of humor you're about to show into the rest of your life just acts upon the law. Very interesting points, very important points. And hopefully the people at home will be able to get a lot of benefit from that JazakAllah fair shake. Thanks for joining us, and inshallah we'll see you next time. And for those of you at home, please keep tuning into the thick of love hamdulillah we'll see you next time

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said I want

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to life